There is one secret that I've never told anyone. After devastation rained down across the territories, all of our history and loves scooped up and gutted by the twolegs, our backs broken in the mountains, and our territories laid across the lake in the new normal, Blackclaw came to me. We arranged the meeting during a Gathering, and in the moonrise, he followed the lakefront, avoiding WindClan, and met me by the lake on ThunderClan's new territory. We were older in body and spirit, and at a passing glance, I saw that time had worn him down more than it had to me. Time had shrunk him, muscle packed tight but thin. His fur looked rough and coarse. We had shared blood and flesh, but history had been kinder to one of us. He still carried his necklace with my waxy, blue gemstone. It would be the first time we had properly talked in seasons.

He had brought a fish to share. It didn't look like any fish I had ever eaten before, and again, the urge to return to RiverClan surfaced. Time had helped me heal, devastation had taught me perspective, and I thought about finally returning home. I wondered if I would even recognize RiverClan if I saw it and if Leopardstar would forgive me. I asked Blackclaw where he got the fish as it looked strange, and I was hoping that I wasn't that out of touch with RiverClan's diet now. Thankfully, he shrugged. "Reedwhisker caught it," he said, "he finds the strangest fish sometimes." I nodded, thanking StarClan internally that I still had a good relationship with my kit, and then, on the verge of breaking down, thanked StarClan again when Blackclaw excused himself to make dirt.

I sat on the lakefront under the stars, breaking the Warrior Code, trying to decide when to go home, trying to decide if I even could. It was a new world, literally. Maybe it was time to try again. After Greystripe's death, Firestar had pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to be deputy. I was Bluestar's daughter and an accomplished warrior; if any thundercat doubted my loyalty, Firestar would remind them. Firestar knew I would say no, my eyes still on the water, but he still had to ask.

Blackclaw returned. He sat down in front of me and politely ate another bite of the fish. It was foul, but they couldn't all be winners. I copied him and then spoke: "How is deputyship treating you?"

"Acting deputy," Blackclaw said. His eyes glanced down to my bare chest and then returned to looking me in the eyes. "Leopardstar still wants you as her deputy. She's never liked me. It's no secret that I'm only here as some old favor for you. She wanted me to let you know that you're welcome back to RiverClan anytime. I'm getting too old for this anyhow."

"We're both getting old, Blackclaw. The ThunderClan youngsters are running circles around me," I said. I didn't need to give him my answer about Leopardstar's offer. I think we both knew that I wasn't ready. Instead, I stared at Blackclaw's cutting figure while I waited for his response. I indulged. On a second assessment, he still looked fine in his older age. I could still imagine a life with him.

Blackclaw scoffed. "Time's been kinder on you, Mistyfoot, than it has on me. We both know that." He looked me over and I preened.

We talked about RiverClan while making lecherous side-eyes at each other. I mentioned that I barely qualified as a RiverClan cat anymore. Blackclaw said that I would learn quickly if I came back. We talked about the new fish and how my pelt had been getting ThunderClan greasy. I said that I had been sneaking fish into ThunderClan's diet whenever I could and that the amount of squirrels was unbearable. I talked about my ThunderClan friends. Goldenflower, who had retired and become an elder. Firestar had been a friend and confidant for seasons now, but talk of ThunderClan's leader made Blackclaw uncomfortable, so I kept most of those thoughts to myself. Instead, I mentioned Squirrelflight, how her energy and enthusiasm intimidated me, and how I had helped her work through her relationship with Brambleclaw. Blackclaw mostly kept quiet. He listened and nodded along, asking probing questions when I failed to explain something clearly enough for his liking.

In return, he talked about RiverClan. He told me about the new rivers and streams and all the new fish they had discovered in the seasons I had been gone. He mentioned how WindClan had been quiet, but ShadowClan was causing trouble like they always did. Blackstar was still Blackstar. Leopardstar had mellowed out over the seasons and I would like her now. He talked about our son Reedwhisker, who had turned into a great warrior, though he lacked a love life of his own. He apologized about not being able to save our other kits, that he had tried his hardest, but the raging rapids had swept Perchkit away, that Mothwing had done everything in her power to save Pikepaw, and that Primrosepaw had spoken last words to him before she died. That it was all bad luck and that he had devoted every sunrise to being their dad. Reedwhisker was his shining star. Reedwhisker was noble, kind, brave, and dignified like Stonefur had been. I think he inflated the stories about Reedwhisker, but it felt good to hear anyhow. It made me want to go home.

Eventually, I mentioned that I had been telling stories to ThunderClan about him.

Blackclaw laughed. He looked noble and strong in the moonlight. Time had been kind to him. He looked me in the eyes. "It's over, isn't it?" he said. Before I could say anything, he spoke again: "It doesn't matter. I'll protect Reedwhisker with my life. That's my eternal weight now, and I'm okay with that. It's over and we're okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Mistyfoot. Just make sure to come back to Riverclan and claim your title before it's too late," Blackclaw said. He got up, sand falling from his pelt. StarClan! The more I looked, the more handsome he became. He still had my gemstone. Blackclaw was still loyal to me and always had been. I couldn't have picked better.

I escorted him to the edge of ThunderClan's little slice of the lake. We walked nice and slow, flank to flank, like we were still carrying reeds. It was over, but we could end this on a high note. I didn't have to pretend that Blackclaw had never betrayed me. Somewhere, despite everything, I forgave him and still loved him.

On the edge of WindClan, Blackclaw paused. He looked at me. "When you're telling those stories about me, be kind to me and tell them I was the best mate. That I was strong and that I never let my anger get the best of me. That I was a great dad and even better lover. That for at least the short time we were together, we were good together." His paws shook. "Promise me that you'll never tell them about—"