Chapter 26

"You certainly took your time," Logan commented as Finn, with a smug look on his face, returned around noon the next day.

Finn's smile was understandable though, having caught a glimpse of Rory with her hands around Logan before they'd noticed him. Things were clearly a lot better between the two, and Finn couldn't help but to feel like for once he was responsible for that success.

"You two don't look like you're truly complaining," Finn replied, and continued to raft up his boat to theirs.

Finn then stepped inside for a moment and returned with two items in his hands. "Here," he said, handing them a canister with petrol and a takeaway bag to one of the bakeries by Finn's sister's place, indicating he'd spent the night cozily in his own bed.

Rory rolled her eyes, pretending to be mad, but the truth was that it was very hard to be mad at the guy. The coffee and Danishes helped, and Rory bit into the first one on sight.

Finn helped Logan fuel up the boat, whilst trying to hold back his glee. Logan was too proud to start thanking his buddy, knowing he was likely to get cocky if he did. There was also a small part of him that was too scared to celebrate just yet, knowing how fragile things could be. It was not like Rory and him were past challenges. There were serious conversations to be had. There was Jess to deal with, Logan already expecting him to not like the idea of him with Rory. There were families to let in on things and the move to set in motion. Saying the next few months were going to be smooth sailing was the understatement of the decade.

As Finn departed again, joking the two could easily stay on the boat for a few more days if they wanted and suggested a pizza delivery company that delivered to boats in this area, Logan and Rory were left staring at each other with a clever look on their faces, Rory squinting slightly at the sun.

"I guess it's back to the real world," Rory chimed.

"Yeah, never thought I'd actually consider Finn's suggestion of holding up with you out here for a little longer," Logan replied.

"As much as I've enjoyed this," Rory replied, letting her arms trace his neck and arms before laying a gentle kiss on his lips. "I'm kind of missing dry land," Rory said, truly feeling like she could use a proper shower and a change of clothes by now.

"Yeah," Logan agreed. "I do hope we can continue this once we get back. This… intimacy," Logan said, meaning that in more than one way.

"I'd like that too," Rory agreed.

"Hey, I don't know… maybe you could even move into the pool house with me. Or is that too much, too soon?" Logan suggested, adding the latter half-jokingly.

"No, it's not," Rory laughed, catching on to his joke.

There was very little that was too much too soon for them - they had, after all, done nearly everything together already. That added an unexpected sense of security for Rory.

They could do this, couldn't they? They really could. They were two very determined people once they put their mind to it - there were very few things they couldn't accomplish if they really tried - Rory thought to herself, assuring herself because she knew her flawed thinking to be their weakness.

After enjoying their breakfast in peace, they started up the boat to head back to Brisbane. It was still several hours up the river and it was not like they were in any hurry.

"You know, we could take boat trips like this again this summer, our summer," Logan pointed out as they passed under the Gateway Bridge. "I have a boat in Nice, myself," Logan pointed out.

"You sure you'll still have the boat after your divorce?" Rory shot back. It was even surprising to her that she was able to talk about this so lightly now. Sure, she assumed already that there were pre-nups in place to make these things fairly straightforward for Logan and Odette.

"I know I will. O never really cared much about boats anyways," Logan replied, answering her assumption with an affirmative.

"I wouldn't mind that, I wouldn't mind that one bit," Rory chimed, recalling one of their trips to Italy when they'd taken a small trip to Corsica once. "Though, we'll have to see… Mil is not that great with boats. She gets seasick," Rory added, knowing she not only needed but wanted to include her daughter in a lot of the things they did in the figure.

"Or not, just a thought," Logan replied, not wanting to push anything.

"She likes hiking though, the outdoors in general," Rory added, trying to think of something Logan and her daughter might have in common.

"Seriously?" Logan asked. "I have a hard time picturing that," he added.

"Well, she is a daddy's girl," Rory admitted, hoping the word didn't sting too much for Logan. "Luke and Jess take her camping sometimes. I went. Once," Rory added and chuckled.

"Maine has a bunch of trails, or Scotland. There's this adorable little cottage near Inverness," Logan suggested, even without trying to exemplify how their possibilities stretched over several continents when holiday planning was concerned. It was not that Rory didn't have the means to take her daughter to wherever she wanted, it was just that those things were rarely done as casually and with as much experience as with Logan. Logan had been to so many places, had friends or property here and there, which made a lot of places a lot more accessible. One just mentally had the openness to just hop on a plane and go somewhere, simply because one could and wanted to.

Rory paused for a minute, trying to understand what Logan was thinking.

"You don't have to try so hard, you know. With me, or with her," Rory added.

"Don't I?" Logan replied.

"Mil… she… she generally likes people that I like. She's easy to please," Rory explained. "But honestly, I don't really know how she'll take it. Will she be jealous? Or feel like someone's about to replace her dad… that we'll just have to take one day at a time," Rory continued.

"I am under no impression that I'd just up and become her dad, you know," Logan replied. "But I won't deny that I'll probably take some adjustment a) learning to become a parental figure of some sort and b) learning to show Jess how I'm not a threat and just work together for her sake. For your sake too," Logan added.

Rory chuckled, even though in principle it wasn't terribly funny. "Not that I don't respect you for wanting to try, and I am sure you will. I just find it very hard to imagine. Or rather, I never thought I'd get to see you and Jess trying to work together for the sake of anything common," Rory replied.

"Neither did I," Logan said, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, just imagine if I'd ever told the college-time you and Jess that we'd be in this situation almost 20 years later," Rory chimed.

"Yeah," Logan chuckled lightly, finding it pretty unbelievable. "How badly do you think he'll take it?" Logan asked a moment later, thoughtfully.

"Considering it was him who started this… or truthfully, as I've said he's not the only one to blame for us not working out," Rory began. "I don't think he really has any right to...," she added, wondering how much she needed to fix her stance around Logan. She'd for a long time accused Jess for their failure. Not even so much from her point of view but for breaking up their family. Now suddenly, it was no longer a failure but a chance for something different. Something she no longer needed to resent Jess for.

"I mean, of course, that I also think it's important he realizes that you're not just doing this to get back at him or something," Logan pointed out, having tried to view this from Jess's angle.

"Doing you, you mean," Rory said, trying to turn it into a joke in part. It was a defense mechanism really.

"I think we're a little past casual sex, don't you think?" Logan reminded her, wanting to make sure Rory was taking this equally seriously still.

"Yes, of course. I didn't mean…, I just…," Rory apologized.

"But do you think he'll think you're just trying to hurt him if you tell him that it's me?" Logan asked more specifically.

"I hope not," Rory replied, having never really considered that part. Sure, she knew Jess was not going to like the fact that it was Logan. "He won't like it. But he's just going to have to deal, isn't he?" she added hopefully.

"I mean, if it was my daughter. I'd be pretty careful trusting whomever suddenly wanted to spend time with them by wanting to spend a life with their mother," Logan explained.

"That's just something that has to come with time, I guess," Rory added, not knowing what else to say. There was no saying when and if that was ever going to become a non-issue.

For a while the two just looked out on the river, watching the passing boats and houses as the boat moved past them. It was a peaceful setting, but in their souls, there was still some nervousness how things would continue once their feet touched solid ground again. Being on the boat felt like being in their own little bubble, and being out here in Australia being in another bigger bubble surrounding that bubble.

"Logan? Do you think it'll ever be enough? Raising a child who's someone else's?" Rory asked, knowing she had to ask it.

The question caught Logan by surprise on many levels.

"I mean, I hope I can have a part in her life obviously. But I am under no impression that I am to replace Jess in some way for her. That's not my goal. I doubt it's even a valid scenario, really. Whether it's enough? Um… I don't know," Logan hesitated, trying to think how to ask Rory a crucial question in return.

"You know, I haven't talked about this much before…," Rory began, becoming more serious again.

Logan steadied his arm on her lower back and used his thumb to stroke her, urging her to tell him, whatever it was.

"The entire time I was pregnant with Mil, I kept sensing like the pregnancy wasn't real or something. I know rationally that it was probably the chemical imbalance in my brain doing that already then, but I just kept thinking back to how it would've been like being pregnant years earlier. With your baby. And I spent the whole time stressing about something happening - something going wrong. Like I wasn't supposed to replace that loss ever. Like I wasn't supposed to ever be happy and healed. And I don't mean to sound depressing saying this, but I don't think I could go through that again, even if the circumstances were different. It isn't something I can be talked out of, and I'm sorry. But I feel like I owe to let you know that I don't think I can have more kids," Rory confessed.

"Like 'can't' because you can't or because you 'don't want to'?" Logan asked. "And I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like a dick asking that," he added, apologetically.

"I'm not sure the difference between the two is that huge, truth be told," Rory mumbled. "You had your heart set on a baby, didn't you?" Rory swallowed hard, the fact stinging her chest, a few moments later.

Logan sighed.

"I mean, yes. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't my focus for the near future. After all, only until weeks ago I was set on becoming a dad for real," Logan explained. "But would it be a deal breaker for me when it came to having you in my life? No way!" Logan added, continuing to explain how he would never want to force her into something she didn't want to do, especially if it was her happiness that was at stake. Every woman had the right to choose what happened to her body, even if the problem in this case was more about the mental side of things - how excess worrying or concern over returning depression led the majority of this decision.

"You'd be giving up something huge. Again!" Rory reflected, wondering whether it was something that was fair of her to tell him or simply self-sabotage.

"Yeah, I get it," Logan sighed again. "But like I said… the idea of having a child was largely about finding meaning in my life. I'll find other ways to have meaning. Having you in my life is already a huge step towards the better, but I know I'm not supposed to put that kind of pressure on you. And I won't do that. Love alone is enough, that and being able to say that I followed my heart this time," Logan explained.

The conversation added a hint of sadness to their journey. But the way Logan snuggled Rory into his side, holding her by wrapping his arm around her waist, at least assured Rory a little bit that he truly had meant what he'd said. Love alone could be enough. It was just the matter of determining for Rory, whether she would be willing to let Logan make that sacrifice.