So, it's time for the third and final part of Akinym and Sinon's lattest adventure/therapy session.
Previously, they've... well, failed spectacularly in their attempts to (have Sinon) catch a thief, and now, the question is how they can come back from that.
At the very edge of Celes, practically right next to the city walls, there was a small restaurant that had recently made a name for itself among the players. Neither the food nor the ambience were anything to write home about, but the tea that was served there was unique. There were numerous kinds, brewed from herbs and other plants that could be found in the desert on the 95th floor. One of the most memorable brands was cactus tea… and a cup of that was placed in front of Sinon on the table she was sitting at. Akinym, the one who'd brought the tea, took a seat opposite of her.
Akinym: Here. I've heard a lot of people talking about this tea. You better ignore the smell – and the taste, too, since it's, supposedly, really awful – but word has it that nothing else calms the nerves like this stuff.
Sinon hummed and nodded without any energy, and she wrapped her fingers around the cup, but she didn't pick it up. For a moment, Akinym calmly watched her as they were sitting there in a heavy silence.
He took a look around. Thankfully, this restaurant was – despite its questionable fame – not very popular, so the only "people" around them at this time were simple NPCs, which made this at least a little bit easier – this way, they didn't have to be careful with what they were talking about. Actually, Akinym knew what he had to say, and he couldn't allow anyone to eavesdrop on it.
That said, he also struggled to figure out where to start. Nothing seemed good enough. In the end, Akinym settled for what seemed the most obvious to him.
Akinym: I'm sorry about all this.
Sinon looked up from the table. Her eyes showed a glint of life for the first time since they'd come here, so it was a start, although the only emotion present in her expression was confusion. She swallowed that and weakly shook her head.
Sinon: No, I am sorry. It was all for nothing, only because I couldn't do my part in the end.
Akinym: Don't be. [slightly frustratedly] I should've known better than to bring up this quest. There were better options.
Sinon: It… was the most fitting one. Wasn't it?
Akinym [sighs]: That's the problem, isn't it? I should've known that this was too much for the start.
Sinon lowered her eyes again for a moment. Then, her fingers tightened around the tea cup in her hands in frustration.
Sinon: It wouldn't have been if I had just…been able to… well, fire at him. I could've – several times, in fact. I just… I just couldn't…
Akinym suppressed his initial intention to repeat himself and tell Sinon that this failure wasn't her fault. From the looks of it, Sinon had finally begun to open up about what had happened earlier, so he decided to listen without interrupting her for now.
During a brief pause, Sinon took a look around, ascertaining that there was no one else there – no other player, at least. Once she'd put her mind at ease in that regard, she let out a sigh.
Sinon: You're right, actually. It was too similar. I even… I… The man from back then… I… I started to see that man in this monster we were fighting. Not figuratively, but literally. Once I reached that point, I just couldn't… Well, it simply was all over at that point.
There was more… but Sinon didn't want to say it – not so much because she didn't want Akinym to know, but rather because she didn't want herself to even think about it. To help herself swallow those words, Sinon washed them down with a sip of tea.
She regretted this decision immediately, though. The taste made her gag, and she looked at the cup with a mix of disgust and wonder.
Sinon: How can people drink this?! It tastes like mouldy tree bark.
Akinym: Well, I've warned you. [dryly, slightly teasingly] It can't be that bad of a choice though. If you know what that tastes like, this cactus tea should fit your palate, shouldn't it?
Sinon: You know that was only a figure of speech! And anyway, do you have to start this now of all times?!
Akinym: I'd say so. This way, you've certainly got some of your energy back, haven't you?
For a moment, Sinon was stunned. Akinym had said this in such a casual manner that it seemed inappropriately carefree, but given how his joking tone was usually much more dramatic, dry or sarcastic, this only drove home the fact that he was actually serious – and thinking about that, Sinon noticed that he was right, after all: The combination of the awful tea and Akinym's inadequate remark had taken her mind off what had happened earlier, and she did indeed feel a bit better as a result.
Sinon [thinks, slightly taken aback]: Leave it to you to use brazen insensitivity as a means to lift the mood. What will I ever make of that? I still don't know if I should be astonished or just mad…
She put these thoughts and feelings on hold. Regardless of Akinym's methods, he'd made Sinon relax somewhat. With her peace of mind slightly restored, Sinon reevaluated her decision to not bring up the last piece of the puzzle. The person in front of her was her partner, after all – the person she'd been confiding in, and the one who'd joined her on that day in her efforts to overcome her past.
Sinon: Say, what do you think Asuna would say about what we did – or at least planned – today? Or any of the others?
Akinym: What do you mean? To them, it's just a regular… [contemplatively, slightly suspiciously] No, wait… You mean what we were actually doing, don't you? You… Are you planning to tell them about it?
Sinon shook her head vehemently without a moment's thought. She took another sip of her tea, not even minding the horrendous taste as long as it washed down the abhorrent feeling that was rising in her throat.
Seeing that, Akinym didn't know what to say. The truth was that he couldn't tell how exactly Asuna (or anyone else, for that matter) would react if they learnt the full truth about Sinon and what she was doing with him here. The long-time Assault Team members, who had had to deal with numerous orange players, most of all Laughing Coffin, knew that the world wasn't so black and white that you could condemn anyone only for "killing someone" – there were many who had had to kill in order to protect themselves or their groups, although Akinym didn't know who exactly those people were. Despite all of that, the act of taking a life was still, regardless of the circumstances, looked down upon to some degree. He could tell that even Asuna, who should be professional enough not to act judgmentally when it came to that, was still uneasy around him whenever she was reminded of the fact that Akinym had ended someone's life (and that he'd do it again).
None of that seemed helpful, though. Therefore, Akinym turned away as if to dodge the issue that way.
Akinym: Never mind, then. It's not as if I had any intention of telling them in the first place, so if anyone asks, we can just tell them that we did some quests on the ninety-fifth floor – with mixed results. This quest… Let's forget about it. I'll go through Argo-san's list again. There's gotta be a better choice among them. I'll contact you by tomorrow, and we'll take it from there. [slightly curiously] Or would you prefer to play a more active role, and discuss these options as I take a closer look at them?
It was a good question – one that Sinon pondered over for a moment. What did she want to do? Frankly, it was something else entirely.
Sinon: Actually, the quest we attempted earlier… It can be repeated even after it failed, right?
There was some hesitation in Sinon's voice when she asked that, but none whatsoever in the way Akinym slammed his hand on the table in response.
Akinym: No! Don't even think about it! Are you insane?! You know what happened, so how can you even consider trying that again?!
Sinon returned Akinym's irritated stare for a moment, although she was the first one to avert her eyes.
Sinon: This is the same problem as earlier, when you asked me to just leave it be if I had trouble shooting at that man after all. I don't get it – do you want me to face my demons or not?
Akinym was taken aback just a bit, even though it was only until he figured out what Sinon was referring to.
Akinym: You mean what I said before entering the plaza? Honestly, what does this even have to do with… No, you know what? It's actually the perfect example for what I'm trying to tell you! If you had listened to me back then, you wouldn't have almost died there!
Sinon: That's not the point!
Akinym: Of course it…
Sinon: I've always known that this would be difficult, so what's the point in trying if I give up at the first sign of trouble?!
This time, Akinym remained silent. Sinon's words had simply left him dumbfounded.
Sinon: This isn't the first time that I've run into that wall. Even here in this virtual world, I've learnt that I'm not immune to fear, pain or anything else. Despite all of that, I… [dejectedly, slightly desperately] just wanna get better. I wanted to get stronger here – and yes, I know that neither this world nor this avatar make me inherently stronger – but I still wanna believe that there is something in this world that can help me, but how am I supposed to find it if I don't try to with everything I've got, especially now that there is something within sight? [very dejectedly] I thought you'd understand that.
A moment of silence followed. Sinon had said what she'd wanted to, and Akinym had yet to figure out how to respond. And when he did, it only amounted to…
Akinym: There are other ways for you to continue that "search" of yours. I've told you that there are other targets that we can try, and I honestly don't know what more I could say. Why are you so adamant about not taking this step by step?
Now it was Sinon's turn to struggle for a reply. Her shoulders were shaking in frustration for a second or two, and some strange stifled noises escaped her throat. Then, she suddenly let out a long, exasperated sigh, and she calmed down in the blink of an eye. After taking another deep breath, she raised her head and looked Akinym straight in the eye. There was a fighting spirit in her gaze that was unmatched by anything she'd shown on that day so far.
Sinon: That's a compromise, not a solution. Tell me, when you saw one of your students die in front of you, thinking that it was you who'd made an inexcusable mistake there, how much did your determination to better yourself go? Did you think that it'd be enough to do just a little bit better next time?
It was fairly obvious, and both of them knew that. Akinym had to admit that he never would've had it in him to take one life in order to save others – not when he'd failed to do so before – if he hadn't sworn to himself to never commit such an error again, no matter what price he had to pay.
Sinon: It's the same here. How could any quest be more suitable, let alone just because it is easier? You were right, after all: This quest fits just perfectly. This man – he is the demon I have to defeat. We can try whatever else – any number of manhunts – but I'll always stand there again, won't I? In the end, there has to come a time when I have to face that man again, or else all of this would be meaningless. There is no way around this, and I don't believe anymore that I can somehow work my way up and get stronger bit by bit until I'm ready, so what point is there in putting this step off?
Akinym couldn't oppose Sinon's stance. It wasn't as if he didn't want to – in fact, there was a part of him that would've, in all likelihood, disagreed with her no matter what Sinon said. It simply seemed to dangerous and inexpedient. This part of Akinym didn't share Sinon's opinion that they had to approach the problem this way.
And yet, why couldn't he speak up against it? There was one apprehensive thought that came to his mind: Would Sinon let this go under any circumstances? She appeared to be as stubborn as a whole army of mules… but unlike them, she could always come here and try to do the quest by herself. Yeah, Akinym reckoned that this was the problem. He simply couldn't keep watch over her all the time, and if she truly wanted to go through with her plan (as she definitely did), he wouldn't be able to permanently stop her from taking this quest. It would've been so much more dangerous to let her go on her own, so Akinym figured that if he was truly concerned about her safety, it was far better to try again now – when he was there to keep an eye on her.
Akinym [sighs]: Alright, have it your way.
Upon hearing that, Sinon allowed herself a little gesture of victory: a small, satisfied smile.
Akinym [sternly]: But just to make this clear: If the same thing as last time happens, you'll leave! Immediately, this time! Did I make myself clear? I'll not let your own stubborness almost get you killed twice on the same day!
Sinon: That… Right, that's fair. [contemplatively] But… Hm… Um, this might sound unrelated, but… Well, you might've told me about this before, but what do you do when you… you know, remember what happened in your…
This struggle for words finally came to a close. Sinon had to admit that she knew what she wanted to ask, but not how. She threw an uneasy look at Akinym, only to find that he was, apparently, patiently waiting for her to finish. The fact that he wasn't rushing her made Sinon think that she should do the same, so she took a deep breath, gathered her thoughts, and only then did she continue.
Sinon: When you're reminded of what happened to your student – how she died – how do you manage to stay calm?
Akinym [slightly curiously]: So that's what you wanna know? [calmly] I wouldn't even call this "unrelated". [slightly contemplatively] Actually, you said it yourself, didn't you? There's bound to be at least some problems, so if we quit this fight at the first sign of it, we might as well not even try. [contemplatively, slightly worriedly] Hm, so we definitely need to do something better this time, but… [worriedly, slightly dejectedly] Sorry, but I don't think there's any "special tip" I could give you.
Sinon: I don't ask you for any kind of "ultimate answer" – I haven't done so before, after all. Just… answer my question. Anything helps, but… At least tell me how you keep your composure! I mean, you managed to overcome this issue, didn't you?
Akinym replied with a strange look, which was somehow both sceptical and concerned.
Akinym: You're giving me far too much credit. Weird, I thought you would've realised it by now… [slightly bitterly] No, I didn't solve this problem at all. [slightly contemplatively] You asked me how I can kill someone and move on as if it's nothing – you certainly remember that, don't you? [Sinon nods] Then you should also remember what I've told you: The regret from that time reproaches me so much that I can't handle it unless I do exactly what it tells me to. No demon will haunt you if you give it what it wants, after all.
This was probably the least satisfying answer Akinym could've given Sinon, and they both knew that. A moment of silence followed, as the two of them wondered what they could do or say.
Akinym: That is, while it's not much, there is one thing…
Sinon: It's okay. Just tell me, okay?
Akinym [uncomfortably]: It… gets pretty… rough when I feel like a decision that has to be made is postponed… or something like that. [slightly contemplatively and worriedly] When that happens, I can't think of anything other than the fact that someone is making the exact same mistake I made back then, and that I make that mistake, too, by letting it happen. It leaves me unable to think straight – no, to think at all. There've been times when it gets so bad that I didn't know how to deal with it. You've probably already seen me like this. No, strike that – you definitely have.
Sinon: Yes, I think I know what you're talking about. Like, for instance, that one time you had that really big argument with Asuna, Kirito and the others, right?
Akinym: Yeah, I think you have the right situation in mind. Well, that was by no means anywhere near the first time that this had happened. After suffering several of these… fits, I began to try using meditation techniques that my judo instructor had recommending me. Well, he'd said they'd help me to "find my inner balance", but I doubt he ever considered what I'd end up using them for. Be that as it may, there's one method that has proven… somewhat successful.
He paused briefly, only for Sinon to urge him to proceed, even if he could tell her only something minor.
Akinym: It's a breathing exercise meant to make you aware of the control you have over your body. Basically, it's nothing more than to slowly breath in and out, deeply and steadily, again and again. As you do that, you're supposed to focus on the flow of your breath through your body, and how it's your will that keeps it going. That way, you ought to realise that – no matter what emotional turmoil you're in – you can still act calmly if you put your mind to it, and it's not your emotions or impulses that control your body, but your own conscious mind.
Sinon: And that works for you?
Thus, Sinon asked what seemed like an obvious question, but there was more to it, and Akinym could tell that Sinon had figured that out. He answered with a wry smile.
Akinym: It keeps me from freaking out completely – nothing more, nothing less. I think it'll work out the same way for you, but I can't promise any more than that.
Already half-expecting such a response, Sinon nodded. She lowered her head and engraved this tip into her memory. After that, she kept thinking about what she should do now for a moment longer, only to arrive at the conclusion that it was obvious. She raised her head again and looked Akinym straight in the eye.
Sinon: Thank you, I'll keep that in mind. Now then, [stands up] all that's left is to put our money where our mouths are, so let's get going, shall we?
Sinon was overlooking the "unsafe zone" in the middle of Celes once again.
This time, she and Akinym had done a more thorough inspection of the area, and there was a comparatively small building with a slanted roof on one side of the plaza. Given how the thief they were hunting had shown them how little of an obstacle the height of a house was to him, Akinym and Sinon picked this location as Sinon's new sniper's nest since Akinym, too, could easily get up there if need be.
Speaking of the latter and his role in this battle, he'd already finished the initial stage of this fight like last time, and as a result, the vast plaza was empty except for the two clashing figures of Akinym and the thief.
However, something was different this time. Even though they could restart the quest as if nothing had happened, their opponent wasn't quite the same as before. It was still the same monster: a cloaked thief with a long dagger, and his strong point was his agility. The AI controlling this monster, on the other hand, had developed even further. By the time Sinon and Akinym had restarted the quest, it had apparently analysed Akinym's tactics and adapted to it. This non-resetting AI of the monster to be hunted was the true difficulty of this quest: It may have started off weak (the first party to take this quest had, in fact, had no problems defeating the thief), but it grew stronger the more it was challenged, and after a few more attempts, it might become virtually unbeatable.
How did this issue manifest? Well, unlike last time, the thief focused purely on defense, only dodging Akinym's attacks without making any move to counter them. No matter what fake openings Akinym left, the thief remained apprehensive, and he kept his distance. It was clear that he was expecting any and all of Akinym's tricks by now. That way, the only option that remained was for Akinym to attack head-on, but that went poorly. Whenever he managed to hit the thief at all, Akinym merely grazed him.
Yet, there was nothing else he could do. Leaving their enemy be whilst figuring something out wasn't an option, after all. Between "fight or flight", the thief stuck with the latter this time around. He constantly tried to run off and leave the plaza, and Akinym had to stay on his toes the whole time in order to catch his opponent before he could escape.
At this rate, creating an opportunity for Sinon to fire at their target seemed virtually impossible.
Then, as Akinym was catching up to the escaping thief for the umpteenth time, he thrust his lands at his back, only for the thief to slip away to the side, thus dodging the blow. Akinym slipped slightly on the somewhat sandy ground, and he ended up stumbling past the thief. With Akinym showing his back to him, the thief actually counterattacked for a change. By looking over his shoulder, Akinym could see the approaching enemy getting ready for a diagonal upward swing with his dagger. Turning around and fending his foe off would've taken too long, so Akinym saw only one possible defense: He dropped his spear and went for a forward somersault. The thief only grazed his shoulder, and before he could follow up with a second strike, Akinym picked up his weapon again and stabbed to forward-charging assassin in the stomach with the blunt end of the shaft, pushed his opponent away and then swung his spear around so that the tip was pointed at his enemy again.
In the end, not much had happened, but Sinon had noticed something while observing all of this. She wasn't sure at first, but after watching a few more similar scenes when the thief somehow slipped behind Akinym, at which point he'd always try to stab him in the back, Sinon was certain that she was seeing the pattern: The thief may have been avoiding frontal attacks, but he was still willing to strike from behind. It made sense, after all: His tactic was to avoid the various holds, throws or similar techniques that Akinym had used – all of which only worked if the thief came from the front or either side.
Sinon wondered if Akinym had noticed that, too. She figured that he would, even though she couldn't take it for granted. Now that she thought about it, did it even matter? The important question was what she could do… and there was indeed an idea she had.
Communicating it to Akinym would be a problem, though. Sinon's first thought was to use their hand signs, so she raised her hand… and stopped when she realised that Akinym was too occupied with fighting to even look into her direction. Calling out to him crossed her mind – she could simply tell him about her plan if she yelled loudly enough, after all – but that probably wouldn't have worked either. Not only was there no guarantee that it'd catch Akinym's attention if he focused strongly enough on his battle, it would've also given away Sinon's presence to their enemy, which she had to avoid in order for her plan to work.
Sinon racked her brain for a moment, but she came up with another idea. She opened the messenger system and wrote some quick instructions, which she sent to Akinym. When the message window popped up right in front of him, there was no way for Akinym to miss it.
Indeed, Akinym immediately backed away, just out of his opponent's reach, and opened the message. He couldn't afford to take his eyes off the monster he was fighting for more than a split second, but he could glance back and forth between the message and his enemy, and that way, Akinym took in Sinon's message bit by bit.
Sinon had made it short, so Akinym still finished reading in about ten seconds – which was fortunate, because the thief decided to make another escape attempt at the end of that period, and Akinym had to go after him. Their duel continued from there, and ultimately, Akinym didn't get any time to think about the plan Sinon seemed to have. To begin with, he didn't have anything to start from, as Sinon had sent nothing more than a simple order.
In this situation, what options were there other than to either trust her to have a good plan or to ignore it? And Akinym chose to follow Sinon's idea, whatever it may have been. The first step towards that was to continue his "dance" with his enemy while he was steadily circling around the thief, moving until his back would face Sinon – for Sinon's message said, "Get past him with your back to me, and then keep running ahead!"
Meanwhile, Sinon got ready for her part of the plan. She aimed at the thief and followed him with the tip of her arrow, waiting for the right moment. Needless to say, her hands began to quiver immediately. Only slightly at first, but it quickly got worse. Sinon's arms cramped up completely… and that voice returned. "Again? You're gonna shoot at that man yet again?!" it nagged her.
Sinon: Shut up! It'll be different… this time. This time, I… I'll…
"...do what?" her inner voice inquired. It was a question Sinon had to answer, yet there was nothing. Her breath got stuck in her throat – in place of the words she couldn't even come up with. She didn't need a reminder of the catastrophic outcome her previous overconfidence had had, so Sinon couldn't show any of it this time.
Truly, what would be different this time around? Well, there was one thing, and Sinon remembered that when her gaze landed on Akinym as he was fighting the thief. His advice returned to her mind, and she became aware of her halted breathing. It wasn't as if she needed air in the virtual world, which was probably why she hadn't even noticed it the last time, but now she did – and so, Sinon decided to start releasing herself from whatever emotions had gripped her starting with her own breath.
Sinon closed her eyes and focused on her mouth, her throat, her chest… She inhaled slowly… and rather unsteadily. Her breaths were pretty ragged at first, and her entire body seemed to resist the motions of her virtual lungs.
Sinon [thinks]: In, and out. In, and out. This is my body, and I can move it at my own will. I am controlling it, not my past. In, and out…
Gradually, Sinon's breathing became steadier… and her body loosened up, starting with her torso and continuing with her shoulders, then her arms. Finally, Sinon regained control over her hands, and she relaxed her grip on her bow while still holding it firmly.
Sinon opened her eyes again and turned her attention towards her target again. She obviously had lost track of the battle for a moment, but she quickly aimed at the thief again. The anxiety within her was rising again, but Sinon continued her breathing exercise ceaselessly – and to some effect. The breaths she took became heavier as the line between the thief and that man began to blur again, but now that she kept paying attention to her own breathing, her mind didn't go as wild as before.
Then, the time came: Akinym had finally managed to get into a favourable position, and he executed Sinon's plan by charging at his opponent in front of him. Seemingly going for a hasty thrust, Akinym dashed forward, and the thief easily dodged by leaping to the side. It must've looked as if Akinym simply didn't manage to catch himself as he kept tumbling forward for another few steps, and after that, he seemingly decided to keep running forward to put some distance between himself and his enemy. Granted, the actual reasons behind his actions weren't at all like that, but the thief fell for it, and he chased after Akinym upon spotting this false opening.
Naturally, Sinon caught on to this. Now that the thief was pursuing Akinym, he was running in a straight line with his back towards her – a perfect target. All she had to do was to aim appropriately ahead of him, and she increased the tension in her body as she did so. However, that didn't happen purely in preparation for her shot. She was about to fire at him, a person, so of course she was getting nervous. Of course that thought troubled her.
The problem was that it troubled her so much that Sinon found herself hesitating (again) to let go of her arrow – and that while the thief was catching up to Akinym. He raised his arm with his dagger firmly gripped in his hand. Alas, it was that sight that made Sinon snap out of her apprehension for a second.
Sinon: No, you're protecting him from a monster! That's not different from usual!
With only that thought on her mind, Sinon fired her arrow. The thief was already swinging his arm down when it reached him… and pierced into his right shoulder. Sinon had actually aimed for her target's back, right around the area where the heart was, but despite her best efforts to hold her bow steady, her hands were still shaking a little.
Either way, the simple shot wouldn't have dealt major damage, but it achieved another objective regardless: The thief stopped his attack, and he broke off his pursuit. Now, he glared over his shoulder.
Thief: An archer again?! Ugh, you adventurers have far too many of them lately. What a pain!
Not the only one he had to deal with, as the thief quickly noticed when he heard a footstep coming closer from the other side. It was almost too late: Even though the thief immediately evaded to the side, Akinym's spear still hit his shoulder. Following that, Akinym continued their battle as before, forcing his opponent's full attention on himself, which prevented the monster from going after Sinon.
That bought her time for a much needed respite. The fact that she had fired at a human promptly caught up to Sinon. Whatever composure she'd mustered before was mostly gone now, and she stared at the spot where she'd hit her target in shock.
Sinon: I… I did it. I really… did that.
It would've been bearable if it wasn't for the fact that the reality in front of her was once again overlaid with the picture of that certain man. Her perception flickered back and forth between those two images.
Sinon [desperately]: Nggh… Why did I have to hit him at the right shoulder of all places? Why?!
She couldn't tear her eyes away from that spot. The mark that her arrow had left was unusually clearly visible to her. Well, it was just that Sinon thought that this "wound" was "bleeding"… or at least that's what the red light emanating from it made her believe…
...for a moment, that is.
Sinon [sternly]: No! Pull yourself together! [desperately] Of course that's not blood! [insecurely] T-that's…
She told herself that, but just as she couldn't shut up the voice in the back of her mind, which kept asking her what she'd done (among other things), Sinon was unable to fully convince herself. Her thoughts were murky, and she could essentially feel how her sanity was in danger of slipping out of her grasp, at least if she didn't do anything about that.
Sinon: That… W-what can I…? What should I…? [slightly calmer] Ah, that's right. Remember what you did before! He's told you what to do: In and out, in, and out… in, and out…
Sinon resumed the breathing exercise she'd abruptly stopped earlier. For a moment, she shut out everything but that, and as she let those breaths surge through her body, it felt as if pieces of her previous self-control were doing the same. Thanks to that, her thoughts cleared up a bit – enough for her to focus on the battle again.
Speaking of which, Sinon's first step was to take in her surroundings again. Something seemed… odd, though. She'd initially taken up position at the very edge of the rooftop she was standing on, and now… Well, technically speaking, she still was standing at the edge of said rooftop, but on the opposite side, compared to before. It was quite confusing for a second, but Sinon reckoned that she'd inadvertently backed away to this spot while she'd been spacing out.
It wasn't a bad thing: Since the roof was slanted, she could still fire freely from there. All she had to do was to aim…
Sinon: Ah, that's right… What about the…
The battle? It was still raging on, of course. Akinym had kept fighting the thief without distracting himself with concerns about Sinon's state – not that he'd had much room for such worries in the first place.
In any case, he'd successfully created a situation similar to the earlier one: He stood with his back to Sinon, the thief was in front of him… and behind that foe, there was one of the patches of grass around the plaza. Akinym charged forward for another seemingly reckless attack. Obviously, he missed like last time, and as he was about to stop, he "accidentally" tripped over the kerb around the small green space. As he tumbled forward, he was an easy target for the thief – which was clear to Sinon, and she quickly got another arrow to fulfil her own role in this tactic.
Needless to say, this meant that the two players expected their enemy to fall for the trick again – a somewhat reasonable assumption, to be fair. However, when Sinon turned her eyes towards the two fighters again with her arrow nocked, she noticed that the monster wasn't going after Akinym. No, the thief had looked after him eagerly for a second, but suspicion had taken the place of that eagerness far too soon… and the thief's plans on what to do had also changed already.
Now, he was glaring into Sinon's direction. She could tell what was about to happen, and she knew what he was saying as she saw him mouthing some words, even though she couldn't hear a single one of them.
Thief: No, first of all, I better take care of that pesky archer!
Sinon instinctively shifted her body. Her mind had already leapt to using a Sword Skill against the coming threat, and she began charging Milion Howling as soon as she was ready – just as the thief started running towards her. This time, he wasn't approaching her in a straight line, but he was zigzagging instead, which was supposed to make aiming at him more difficult.
Frankly, the only thing the thief achieved was, however, to give Sinon more time. At that very moment, she hardly would've been able to strike him down before he could reach her, no matter how he went about it. At least not mentally. As the thief was running towards her, his hood fluttered, and Sinon caught glimpses of his face underneath it. Seeing that, her mind went back to their previous attempt at taking on this quest. The thief's face had blurred into the robber's earlier, and that memory alone was enough to make this happen again, no matter what Sinon might've tried to do.
How could she shoot at the same man again? That question crept up on Sinon, and it would prevent her from using her Sword Skill like last time… unless she did something about it. Alas, both her eyes and her mind were glued to the figure of the spectre that was coming at her with increasing speed. That fluttering cloak, that deadly weapon in his hands, that pale, distorted, haunting, all around awful face, that red cursor…
Wait… A red cursor? Right, that was something that caught Sinon's attention even despite everything that was happening. Yes, this was nothing but a monster – she'd confirmed that with herself earlier, hadn't she? Now that Sinon had shoved her focus towards that fact – and to the red cursor hovering above her enemy's head – she could get her breathing under control, and the rest of her body followed in short order.
Sinon: Right, this isn't a person, but just another monster. Shaped like a human or not, he's not a real person. This isn't killing someone, and no one will see it that way. The others won't view you as a murderer for this. Asuna won't view me as a murderer for this. Because he's not a real person. He's not a real person.
Sinon kept repeating this mantra while she was gradually calming down. Her hands were now steadily aiming her bow at the thief, who'd reached the base of the house. From there he leapt up and onto the roof of the very low building. As he did so, his hood was completely blown back, revealing his face completely. He was wearing an expression of manic battle spirit – that of a person who was willing to do everything in order to fight for their survival. It was the most horrific sight so far… but also the perfect opportunity to strike. The thief had to jump in a predictable line, which made it easy for Sinon to aim at him – far easier than before, that much was certain.
Sinon [very determinedly]: It is not a real person!
Sinon's arrow soared through the air. The thief's feet had barely touched the ground again when the projectile smashed straight into that grotesque face of his – and this time, he hadn't gotten close enough to Sinon yet. His body was instantly blown back by the great impact force of the Sword Skill, and even after crashing onto the floor again, he kept sliding another metre or two.
At the same time, Sinon's adrenaline rush died down fairly quickly. Her legs weren't able to support her anymore. One of her feet slipped, and she fell to her knees without resistance. When the lower end of her bow touched the ground, her weapon slipped out of her weakened hands, and it clattered to the ground next to her.
Now, Sinon just sat there, staring at the dust that had been kicked up and was still swirling in the air. She did so half in shock that she'd shot that robber (in the head, to boot), half in disbelief that she'd actually managed to do that – exactly as she'd been striving to. Well, and now, it was over.
Or was it? Sinon saw a figure rising within the dust cloud. The thief had, at times, looked like a ghost to her, but right now, that comparison seemed to fit way too well. Granted, there was nothing otherworldly going on. This monster had simply had too many HP left, so even a direct blow from a powerful Sword Skill wasn't enough to finish it. The thief was barely alive, but that also implied that he was not dead yet.
The other half of Sinon's emotions was swept away, leaving only pure shock… well, and terror, at least as soon as the thief turned his face towards her again. It looked even more lifeless yet enraged than before, but the worst part was that it was now glowing in a bright red colour due to the hit mark Sinon's shot had left. Sinon's imagination and that reality melted together again, creating the sight of a zombie with massive streams of blood flowing from the hole in his forehead. Looking at that left her paralysed.
Thief: Curse you! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!
He charged towards her. There was no time to pick up her bow and fire another arrow, and the thought didn't even cross Sinon's panicked mind. That said, she wanted to take out her dagger to have at least some means of self-defense, but her arms were rigid like an old, dry tree branch. Another instinct of hers was to flee, but Sinon's legs remained as motionless as her arms.
The thief jumped up to get onto the rooftop. This time, Sinon couldn't stop him, that much was certain… but there was another problem. Immediately after he'd leapt up, the thief apprehensively looked over his shoulder. He'd noticed the other presence just in time to see Akinym dash through the dust cloud.
There was nothing the thief could do – not only could he not dodge in the air, he wouldn't have even had the time to. Akinym thrust his spear at the thief without hesitation, neither having nor taking the time to aim at any specific spot. He ran his enemy's lower back through and pushed him down against the edge of the building. Using his spear, Akinym pinned down his opponent, who could do nothing more than to squirm and writhe as his remaining HP dwindled.
Akinym: You've served your purpose, so there's no use for you now. Disappear already!
After another few seconds, which the thief used to curse the two players who'd hunted him down, the monster died, disappearing into tiny fragments – and, finally, nothingness.
Akinym didn't spend even a second contemplating this end to their battle. There was a much more pressing issue than reviewing this fight or collecting their reward. As soon as the thief's death was confirmed, he turned towards Sinon, who was still cowering at the far end of the roof.
She looked… better than last time, at least. That wasn't reassuring, though. She was still pale, dead silent... apparently a nervous wreck – plain and simple. With the danger taken care of, she relaxed ever-so-slightly, and she tried to get up, but her legs felt as stiff and were as wobbly as before, so the best she could manage was to shift from a kneeling to a squatting position.
Akinym slid his spear through the holster-like loops that were attached to the back of his jacket. With his weapon affixed, he went over to Sinon. That is… As soon as he'd taken his first step towards her, Akinym paused. It had occurred to him only now, but what was he actually going to do? Ask her if she was okay (which she clearly wasn't), for example? What good would asking something so obvious even do?
A plan… He needed at least some kind of idea as to what he should do in this situation. Then, some noises from their surroundings caught his attention. With the battle being concluded, the regular hustle and bustle of the plaza returned – at least the NPCs had. Come to think of it, there was a considerable risk of players showing up around here. If anything, they'd been lucky that they hadn't run into even a single one so far. It would've been terrible if someone else saw Sinon now. How could he have possibly explained her current state? Thus, a plan presented itself: First of all, they needed to get out of there.
Akinym: Hey, can you walk? It'd be better to go to a quieter place, at least.
The only response coming from Sinon (with some delay, since it'd taken her worryingly long to process Akinym's question) was a meek rocking motion of her head, which moved a tiny bit to one side, then the other, and then back.
Akinym [thinks, taken aback, slightly worryingly]: Was that… shaking her head? [frustratedly] Great! If that's all she can muster right now, there's no way we'll leave anytime soon.
As if to affirm this assessment, Sinon hugged her legs to her chest, curling up even more.
Akinym looked around. Fortunately, there didn't seem to be any sign of another player as far as his eyes could see, but he wasn't confident that it would stay that way. This plaza may have not been the most popular or relevant place in Celes, but it wasn't completely deserted either.
So, what could he do? His first thought was, naturally, a straightforward solution: He could've simply picked Sinon up and carried her away. It seemed far too extreme, though, and it would've caused problems if that had "helped" Sinon too much – specifically with reinvigorating her.
So, Akinym needed another idea. However, nothing came of his intent thinking. He considered options such as getting Sinon more cactus tea… with the result that he got irritated by the fact that that was the best plan he could come up with.
Akinym had to face it: The biggest problem was that he wanted nothing more than to yell at Sinon to get a grip. Of course he knew that this wouldn't have helped – hence, he didn't actually do that. However, that thought emerged no matter how often or how hard he shoved it into the recesses of his mind.
In light of that, there was something else he had to face: His urges to tell Sinon to just get over it weren't actually the biggest hindrance. No, that impulse was nothing more than a symptom of a much, much more fundamental issue. In the end, Akinym had wanted this to happen… or so he felt, at least – which, arguably, requires quite a bit of explanation.
The very fact that he had brought Sinon here was already a testament to his self-perceived negligence. He, who knew so little about psychological therapy, had taken it upon himself to guide Sinon through an attempt at exposure therapy – even after everything she'd told him about how utterly poorly she'd fared with it so far. He may have initially convinced himself that he knew what precautions to take, but look at what that had led to.
In fact, it wouldn't be too farfetched to say that Akinym had ignored exactly those precautions at his own convenience: During the first battle against the thief, when Sinon had hesitated immensely to shoot at their target, Akinym had told himself that Sinon simply hadn't had the right opportunity to do so yet, and when their first attempt had failed thoroughly beyond words, and Sinon wanted to give it another try, he'd gone to fairly great lengths to reason that he had to let her do it. The soundness of his reasoning was – at least in his own eyes – completely irrelevant, as it didn't change the underlying motive Akinym had had: He'd wanted this plan to work as much as Sinon had, if not more.
In the end, it came down to the fact that the way Sinon felt about her traumatic experience simply didn't seem right to Akinym. It didn't seem right at all, in fact. She'd done nothing wrong, and neither were her feelings of guilt and fear caused by her act of self-defense reasonable, nor did she in any way deserve to feel that way – Akinym was very firm in those convictions. As such, it was imperative to "correct" the status quo. After all, "if there's problem, do something about it" was an important credo of his. Against that background, it was a more than obvious choice to see this quest through to the bitter end.
That, however, didn't excuse blatant ignorance of the foreseeable outcome of this whole endeavour, especially now that Akinym could see said outcome right in front of him. From the looks of it, he doubted that this experience would help Sinon to overcome her trauma even one tiny bit, and the only thing he seemed to have given her was yet another painful memory. By all means, he should have seen this coming – that was another belief Akinym couldn't shut out.
If he'd decided to turn his eyes away from that fact just because it suited his goals, he may have as well wanted everything to turn out this way – it made no difference to him, and that brings us back to the initial point.
Well, and if he was at fault for Sinon's current state, how was he in any position to do something about it? Needless to say, Akinym believed himself to be completely unfit for such a task. At the same time, his principle of "if there's a problem, do something about it" applied all the same. He couldn't just let her cower on the floor while she was barely keeping herself together.
There was no solution coming to his mind, though, so the only thing he could do was to sit down next to her and wait until she'd recovered to the point that they could get going. Even so, Akinym didn't stop thinking what he could do better going forward, since he believed that there had to be more he could've done.
Sinon hugged her knees tightly to her chest. She could, in all honesty, not remember when had been the last time she'd felt as awful as she did in that moment. If her virtual body had allowed it, she would've thrown up that rancid cactus tea along with whatever else would've been inside her stomach – she was sure of that. It was a familiar feeling. Sinon's own attempts at exposure therapy had always ended similarly… or often exactly that way.
She vividly recalled the last time she'd challenged her inner demons on her own. She hadn't consulted her therapist about it, and she couldn't involve her family – for starters, they wouldn't have let her go through with this if they'd known. She'd made a little model of a pistol from paper (which, of course, merely emulated the shape), and she'd wanted to give it the finishing touch by painting it like… well, that gun from back then. Sinon had never finished that "piece of art", though. Just holding the paper gun and picturing it to be that dreadful murder weapon had quickly become too much for her, and before she knew it, she suffered a panic attack and dropped model and brush alike.
Sinon also remembered that she'd felt just as miserable back then as she did now. It (seemingly randomly) occurred to her that her younger self had looked around her empty room with hollow eyes, silently asking anyone for help, but, as per her own choice, she'd been completely alone. It had been a lonesome, hopeless moment.
With that memory resurfacing, Sinon lifted her eyes, half-expecting to see that empty room around her again. However, she caught sight of something next to her. There was someone, sitting silently right by her side. Sinon let out a weak, hoarse hum, which had been meant to be calling his name. He didn't seem to notice, but Sinon didn't care. The only thing she needed to know was that he was there, waiting and watching out for her now that she needed it.
For a brief moment, Sinon felt foolish for overlooking this, but she was, at the very least, not alone in her struggles anymore. Someone was with her, and she could be sure of that. It felt silly, considering that Akinym had assured her of his assistance quite some time ago, but it seemed that there was a part of Sinon who caught up to that only now. In fact, when Akinym had informed Sinon about the very plan that had led them to this point, she'd been far too occupied with the task at hand to fully comprehend the implication that she was receiving help. Despite that oddity, this realisation caused a slight wave of comforting warmth to rise within her chest.
Sinon closed her eyes again, quietly savouring that feeling as she engraved it into her heart. It was an inscription that read, "No matter what will happen, now there's someone with me, so I'll never have to sit in that desolate room again."
...and that's it for Akinym and Sinon's latest adventure.
The next few chapters will pick up where I left off another plot line, specifically the "Conversation" chapters between Akinym and various other members of the cast. The next three chapters I've planned will therefore focus on Silica and Lisbeth.
On a related note, I have another announcement to make, and I'm afraid it means that the pace at which I update this story will go down rather than up: I plan to start another project, which I intend to write in parallel to my SAO story. I'm not sure how many of my readers here will be interested in that, but it'll be a prequel series to "How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom", a LN series that got an anime adaption around two years ago. In addition, I want to reread what I've written in "The Hollow Instructor" so far, and make some detailed notes about the timeline and mechanics to help me remember things in the future. All of that will, obviously, take some time. Regardless, I'll definitely continue this story, too...
...and I'll see you when that time comes!