"John, are you ready?" Steven asked him.
"Just about." Johnny answered, checking his backpack and camera bag. Preparing for a hike here was a little different than preparing for a hike in any of his usual locations. It was cooler here, for one, and even though Johnny had packed a good deal of warm clothing, he still wasn't sure it would be enough.
Finally, he was satisfied, and he slung the pack over his shoulders, reaching down to scratch Pepper behind the ears. "Sorry, you can't come with us. Steven said so."
Pepper looked almost mournful, and Johnny felt a little bad for him. "I'm sure you can come some other time." He found himself telling the dog.
"I'm sure he understands." Steven laughed.
Johnny huffed, but he couldn't help being a little amused himself. "Suppose it's kinda dumb, talking to a dog like that."
"Not at all." Steven answered as he led them out of the cabin. "We had a nice little chat while I was cooking last night."
"Oh yeah?" Johnny asked. "What about?"
"Oh, nothing that interesting." Steven replied casually. "Just passing the time, I suppose."
They started off, with Johnny following Steven as he led them through the forest and on to the trail that ran alongside the river. As much as Johnny didn't care much for the water, he had to admit it was an awesome sight. The trail wasn't nearly as challenging as the ones he usually hiked, but Johnny didn't mind. It was nearly a perfect day, if a little cooler than he was used to, thin clouds covering the sky and filtering the sun.
And frankly, after a long and aggravating day of travel, just being out here was enough. Not to mention the company.
He watched Steven striding along in front of him, the sun shining off his hair making it an even brighter red, his beard having grown even wilder since the last time they'd seen each other. There had been something oddly disconcerting about the way Steven's beard brushed across his skin, not rough, exactly, not like beard stubble. It was more like fine steel wool, though that didn't seem to quite describe it, either.
Whatever it was, Johnny had reveled in it, in every touch and kiss and sensation, the intensity of this renewed connection between them. He had been worried at first that maybe whatever he'd built up in his head wouldn't match the reality once they managed to see each other again.
There had been little reason for concern, Johnny knew that now. Even when he had awakened sometime during the night, disturbed by some nightmare he couldn't remember now, something about having Steven sprawled across him and the dogs taking up every other inch of available space in the bed brought him some measure of comfort that he couldn't recall experiencing before.
He found himself wondering what it might be like to always wake up that way. An impossible prospect, to be sure, but it didn't keep Johnny from speculating.
"This sure must be something in the winter." Johnny threw out casually.
Steven turned his head, that wide smile lighting his face. "It is. You should come see it sometime."
"Maybe I will."
Steven laughed at that. "Better not take you another year."
Johnny sobered at that. Between his own job and Steven's travels, coordinating this trip had been difficult. "And if it does?"
Steven paused, turning around and letting Johnny catch up to him before sliding a hand to his waist. "Okay, I'd rather it didn't take another year. But if it does, so be it. We'll figure it out."
That implied that they had a future together, and Johnny didn't know what to think about that. He was loathe to consider such a thing. Anything could happen, really. Johnny could go out on a call and never come back. He'd seen it often enough to know he'd never want to leave anyone behind that way.
And God, he did care deeply for this man. So much sometimes that it hurt.
He responded in kind, leaning in for a quick kiss before pulling back. "Suppose we'd better keep moving."
They continued on, and Johnny began to notice more details, how the leaves were already starting to turn, the grasses turning brown even along the riverbanks. It was nothing like a southern California autumn, though Johnny would have been hard pressed to try and explain the difference between autumn and any other seasons.
Here the seasons were far more distinct, though Johnny still wasn't sure how he'd handle snow and extreme cold. It was something he could only vaguely remember experiencing, maybe in one of those places where his dad had worked. Those places all seemed to run together now.
He'd barely thought about that in all these years until he and Steven had been sitting around the fire last night. But all those memories were starting to come forward now, memories of leaving the reservation not long after his mom's death. We don't belong here, son, his dad had told him, we're going to be fine, just fine, just you and me.
Something welled up in Johnny at the memory, and he found himself blinking and swallowing hard. Probably a good thing Steven was ahead of him and likely wouldn't notice.
Steven stopped so suddenly in front of him that Johnny nearly ran into him. Before he could say anything, Steven put a hand up. He pointed off into the distance. "You see that?"
Johnny followed where Steven pointed, just making out a shape in the distance. "What is that?"
"You ever seen a moose up close?" Steven asked.
Johnny took in a sharp breath. "No. Holy shit."
Steven let out a short laugh. "Welcome to Alaska."
Johnny immediately dropped to one knee, slinging his pack to the ground and rooting around to find his camera bag. He could scarcely believe his luck and couldn't wait to get some pictures to show the guys at the station.
It took him a moment to get set up, but he finally had the moose in his sights, adjusting the focus on his camera until it was right where he wanted it.
Click. Click. Click.
"Did you get it?" Steven asked him quietly.
"Yeah." Johnny knew he was probably grinning like an idiot. "Man, wait until I show these to the guys. They won't believe it."
Steven squeezed his shoulder before rising to his feet. "Keep that camera handy. You'll see all kinds of wildlife out here."
"Can't wait." Johnny answered, slinging his pack back over his shoulders before pushing himself up. "What else should I be on the lookout for?"
Steven immediately launched into a vivid description of the local wildlife as they continued on, the trail turning away from the river and into the forest. The sound of leaves and branches crunching under their feet was the only other sound, and eventually even Steven fell silent.
There was something about this place that reminded Johnny of that same spot in the forest that he had led Steven to. That seemed like ages ago now, but the feeling was the same, the feeling of peace and calm, of something letting go.
He found himself blinking hard again, the emotion rising, though Johnny couldn't pinpoint where the hell it was coming from. Maybe it was just everything that had been building up, the exhaustion and the frustration he'd been experiencing on the job. Maybe it was the knowledge that he was likely to lose Roy to a captain's post, though he'd be damn good at it, and that he'd have to break in a new partner.
And maybe, just maybe, it was the thoughts that were becoming more frequent about just leaving it all behind.
But that was impossible, he knew that. So why even continue to think about it?
Steven squeezed his shoulder, jolting him out of his thoughts. "Doing okay?"
"Sure." Johnny nodded, rubbing briefly at his nose. "Just thinking, you know."
"This place will make you do that." Steven answered. "You know that spot of yours you showed me? That's this place for me. Any time the world gets too much for me, I come out here."
"Yeah." Johnny answered, Steven's words suddenly making something click into place. "Maybe that's it. The world's getting to be too much."
"Why don't we take a break?" Steven offered. "Maybe head back after this."
Johnny set down his pack, though he still had his camera at the ready to capture whatever might catch his eye. Right now that was Steven, who was already seated on the ground and digging into his pack.
He glanced up at Johnny with a slight smile, and Johnny took the opportunity to point the camera his way, hitting the shutter.
"Wasn't quite ready." Steven pointed out with that same smile.
"I like you better that way." Johnny answered. "Now, if you wanted to, I don't know, pose or something…"
Steven laughed heartily at that, and Johnny took a couple more shots before setting his camera aside.
They started digging into the food they had packed, talking quietly about everything and nothing all at once. There was something about the normality of it all, the comfort and ease between them.
No, Johnny had been needlessly worried. That connection between them was still there. Stronger than ever, at least in Johnny's estimation.
All the more reason, Johnny thought, to come back, even during the winter. Maybe he could arrange that.
At least then he could figure out if he could handle it before making an utterly stupid life-altering decision.
Eventually they finished eating and packed up again, starting back down the trail the same way they'd come, with Steven pointing out more wildlife along the way, stopping every so often so that Johnny could take more pictures. He'd almost shot a full roll of film on this hike. Good thing he'd stocked up on film before he came up here, because if today was any indication, he was going to go through a whole lot more before the trip was done.
When they returned to the cabin, Pepper immediately lifted his head, letting out a long howl in greeting. Cinnamon soon joined him, their chorus ringing out as they approached.
"Okay, settle down." Steven scolded them. "I brought your friend back. Are you happy?"
"I'd say they are." Johnny answered, reaching down to pet both dogs.
Steven merely shook his head as he opened the cabin door and let them in. Cinnamon trotted ahead to follow Steven, but Pepper seemed determined to stick to Johnny like glue.
"I need to go into town." Steven told him. "Do you want to come with me?"
The hike and everything else had taken a lot out of Johnny, and as much as he wanted to spend as much with Steven as possible, he was beat. "Think I'll stay here, you know, keep the dogs company."
A concerned look flashed across Steven's face, but it was quickly gone as he nodded. "I won't be long. Just need to pick up a few things and check my mail."
"Okay." Johnny answered as he took off his boots and climbed into the bed. "We'll be waiting."
Johnny caught a hint of a smile on Steven's face as he closed the door behind him. Good. Maybe he'd be able to keep Steven's concern at bay, at least for a while.
# # #
Steven let his mind wander during the drive to Fairbanks. It had been a good hike, all in all, something he suspected John had desperately needed, considering the condition he'd been in when he'd shown up.
Something was sticking in his mind, something about the world being too much. There was a lot that John wasn't telling him, Steven knew that. Whether John would reveal much more than he already had remained to be seen.
In the meantime, Steven supposed, they would set the real world aside and just enjoy this trip. There was still so much that Steven wanted to show John that he wasn't sure he'd be able to pack it all into two weeks.
He pulled into the post office and shut off his truck before making his way inside to his post office box, nodding at a few people who passed by. Fairbanks was still a small enough city that most people recognized him, if not by name, at least by face.
He opened the post office box and pulled out the contents. It contained the usual, a couple of checks from previous assignments and several letters. One of them he recognized immediately from his old friend Bart, whom he'd met on an assignment up in Vermont one fall.
God, that had been memorable, in much the same way so many of his assignments had been. Cool autumn nights under the stars, bright blue October skies, the leaves in their full glory. Bart had been his guide on that trip, only too happy to find someone similarly inclined.
Of course, it hadn't lasted. These things never did. Soon enough Steven had received a letter from Bart, along with a picture of a young woman. Leslie, if Steven remembered correctly. They made a beautiful couple and had married and eventually had equally beautiful children.
Steven let out a short huff and flipped to the next letter from his editor friend. Another possibility that had fallen apart as soon as Steven was on the road again. Still, they had remained friends, and stayed in close contact, even working together on several assignments. He opened this one to find yet another assignment suggestion. Steven made a note to contact him before he returned to the cabin.
The last letter was a bit of a surprise. It was from John, postmarked not long after their last phone conversation. Steven tucked the other items under his arm and opened the letter. There were a few pictures from a recent climbing trip, and Steven could only imagine how John had gotten himself in position to take those photos. He'd probably done similar on many an assignment to get the perfect shot.
John had come a long way, Steven had to admit that. The pictures still had a certain snapshot quality to them, but Steven could see how John's artistic eye was developing. And the view these photos displayed was truly stunning.
Steven pulled the letter out of the envelope and started reading. Mostly general topics at first, explaining where the photos were from and when he'd taken them. But there was more here, too, and if Steven read it carefully enough, he might be able to read between the lines and gain a little insight into the man.
But there wasn't that much there. Some stories about the guys at the station, how Chet had been messing with him again, as usual. There was nothing in here that indicated that anything was wrong, per se. All Steven knew was that something wasn't quite right with John.
Steven read on. Sometimes John would write about interesting calls they'd had. This one that he'd written about was vague, but Steven assumed it had been a medical call. As he read on, however, Steven realized it was more involved. There had been a fire, and several neighboring departments had been called in to help contain it. On the surface, it seemed that everything had turned out okay, but to Steven it seemed there was more underneath that, that something about the call had deeply affected John, even if he wasn't going to come out and say it.
Was this the call that had triggered John's nightmare last night? Steven had awakened to find John tossing and turning, murmuring something that he couldn't make out before letting out a sharp gasp and a cry.
Steven had been laying close to John, an arm across him and one leg thrown over his, and he had wanted to offer some measure of comfort. Soon enough, however, John had settled down on his own, the tension leaving his body with a sigh, his hand coming to rest on Steven's arm.
He couldn't help the worry that crept into his mind. Something had happened on that call, something very bad. But he couldn't press John on that. The more he pushed, the more likely John would simply shut down, and Steven didn't want that.
He folded the letter and tucked it back into the envelope, putting it with the rest of his mail. For now, he had other errands to run. He'd deal with this once he got back to the cabin.
His next stop was the grocery store. Armed with his list, he made his way up and down the aisles, occasionally running into a few people he knew. By the time he made it to the checkout, he felt as if he had the same conversation over and over.
"Hello." Sandy, the cashier, greeted him with a wide smile. "Heard you were back around. Your sister was just in here yesterday."
"I haven't even had a chance to talk to her yet." Steven told her with a brief laugh.
"Well, maybe you should." Sandy answered with a meaningful look. "I'm sure she'd love to see you. She talks about you all the time. Showed me that last magazine your pictures were in. You sure do get around."
"I'll catch up with her." Steven assured her as he paid her. "See you around."
He loaded in the groceries and started the truck, debating briefly with himself. He supposed he could probably stop by Marcy's place, if only to say hello and thank her for leaving the fish for him. And if she wasn't there, he'd find another time. After all, despite all the jokes she made, he wasn't all that far away. The weather was still perfectly good, making for an easy drive. Wintertime was a different story.
Eventually he decided a quick stop was in order, and he made his way toward where Marcy was staying while she was in the area, some friend of hers from high school, if he remembered correctly.
It occurred to Steven that they were so far apart in age that he really didn't have much idea what her high school years had been like. By then, Steven was already pursuing his own career, only returning when their mother had fallen ill. Marcy had been in college by then, and Steven flat out refused to let her drop out to take care of their mother.
And so, between Steven and his stepfather, they had taken care of her while Marcy continued her degree. Anthropology, just like her father. Their mother would have been so proud of her.
He pulled up to the curb in front of the apartment house and parked, climbing out and making his way up the front steps to the main entrance, hitting the doorbell under the apartment number.
Within moments Steven could hear footsteps, and the door flung open. Marcy immediately flung her arms around him. "You made it! Where's your friend?"
"He's back at the cabin." Steven replied, hugging her in return. "Left him with the dogs. I think Pepper has a new best friend."
"I'm not the least bit surprised." Marcy told him. "Pepper's favorite person is a stranger. Come on in."
"I've only got a few minutes." Steven answered. "Got groceries in the truck."
Marcy smiled at that as she let him into the apartment. "And I'm sure your friend back at the cabin has nothing to do with why you're in such a damn hurry to get back. When can I meet him?"
"He's going to be here for a couple weeks." Steven told her. "He'll probably still be there when you're on your way back to your work project."
"It's not just a work project." Marcy responded. "I'm living there for the fall and winter. Going to fully immerse myself in the native culture, you know? Show the world how important their culture is."
Steven couldn't help smiling at that. He had to admire his little sister's idealistic nature. And her attitude was a far cry from what John had apparently experienced. "Regardless, you can certainly come to the cabin. Maybe we can get in some more fishing. John's into fishing himself."
Marcy lit up at that. "Oh, perfect. I know all the best spots."
"I know you do." Steven agreed. "And now thanks to you, so do I."
"Not that you're ever home to use them." Marcy pointed out.
"You know I have to travel. It's part of the job."
"I know that." Marcy sighed as she went into the kitchen, Steven following close behind. "And I love all the pictures you send me. I just wish you were around a little more, you know?"
"Maybe someday." Steven replied.
"Sure, when you're old and gray and I have to take care of you because you don't have anyone else."
"Marcy." Steven didn't miss the tone in her voice.
Marcy paused with her hand on the refrigerator door. "I'm sorry. I just miss you. That's all."
"I miss you, too." Steven responded.
Marcy pulled a small pint jar out of the refrigerator. "I made some wild blueberry jam."
"Ooh, thank you." Steven was delighted at the treat. "This'll go great on some sourdough flapjacks."
Marcy eyed him sharply. "Are you keeping that starter alive? It was in a pretty sorry state when I was there last."
"I promise that I'm keeping it alive." Steven told her firmly. "I owe John flapjacks, and I want to make a real sourdough loaf. Haven't done that in ages."
Marcy nodded at that. "Good. That thing has been in the family for fifty years. Don't you be the one to kill it. Grandma Martin will haunt you."
"And no one wants that." Steven replied with a shudder. "That woman was frightening enough when she was alive."
"You didn't know her like I did." Marcy answered with a prideful note. "You could have learned a lot from her."
"Marcy, that woman and I got along like oil and water." Steven told her. "I think we had two different grandmas."
Marcy merely shrugged. "So, when should I come up?"
"How about you give us a couple of days?" Steven suggested. "John needs a little time to get settled."
"Okay." Marcy nodded. "I just don't want to…you know, surprise you."
"I appreciate that." Steven felt himself heat up at that. There were times when he wished Marcy was a little less understanding about the nature of his and John's relationship. "And thanks for the jam."
"Of course." Marcy answered, walking him back out to the main entrance and pulling him into a tight hug. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Steven responded in kind before letting her go and returning to the vehicle.
Marcy was probably right. He could be around more. But freelance work was very much feast or famine, and he still felt as if he had to pick up every job he was offered. He thought about the two checks that were in his pile of mail. They were significant, but not enough to allow him to take much of a break between jobs.
Still, even when times were tough, there was nothing else he wanted to do.
Steven stopped by the bank to deposit the checks before starting off back toward the cabin, feeling himself relax the further he got out of the city. Fairbanks wasn't big by any standard, but it still felt far too crowded for him.
He couldn't help wondering how John managed living somewhere like Los Angeles, even though he wasn't in the city proper. But he supposed one could get used to anything if you stayed around long enough.
It wasn't all that long and he was back on the dirt road that led back to the cabin, soon pulling up in front. He spotted John sitting out on the porch, the dogs on either side. It appeared he had found something to read, though he looked up and set it aside when he saw Steven pull up.
He rose from the chair and ambled toward the vehicle as Steven got out. "You want a hand?"
"Sure." Steven answered.
Between the two of them, and with little assistance from the dogs, they got the groceries inside and on the small counter. "Stopped by to see Marcy while I was in town. She really wants to meet you and show you all her fishing spots."
"Sounds great." John replied. "When?"
"I was thinking maybe in a couple of days." Steven responded. "Thought maybe I'd give you a little more time to relax before you meet her."
"You mean give me a little more time alone with you." John pulled him in with a hand on his waist.
"That too." Steven rested his hands on the small of John's back and slid them downward, pulling him in closer and pressing a long kiss to his lips.
Almost immediately, the kiss deepened, and John's hands were sliding up Steven's back, neither one of them seeming to want to be the first to break it off.
After a long moment, Steven pulled away with a short sigh. "I'm never going to get any of this put away if you keep this up."
"Well, why don't I give you a hand?" John offered, sounding as if his intentions were absolutely innocent. "I mean, the sooner we get this done…"
"Yes, agreed." Steven could only shake his head. "I swear to God, you are insatiable."
John looked slightly hurt. "Only because I haven't seen you in forever."
Steven felt a stab of guilt at that. It wouldn't have gotten to him so much if Marcy hadn't made a similar point earlier. "John, I don't always have the luxury of picking and choosing my assignments. I have to make a living too, you know."
"I know that." John answered quietly as he unloaded grocery bags. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded."
Well, if that didn't make Steven feel like absolute dirt. He came up behind John and wrapped his arms around him, planting a kiss on his neck before resting his head on John's shoulder. "You mean the world to me, John. You know that, right?"
"Sure." John sounded doubtful, even as he laid a hand over Steven's. "You mean a lot to me, too."
Steven gave him another quick squeeze before releasing him to put away the items John had unbagged, and the two made quick work, though it was mostly in silence. Afterward, Steven approached John, though he was no longer so certain the man would be receptive.
He was mistaken. John was indeed very receptive, all but dragging Steven toward the bed, making quick work of their clothing so that they were once again tangled up with each other, hands and mouths moving over each other's bodies.
It reminded Steven very much of that first night together, when they had spent so much of that time exploring each other. This time was no different, John's hands and mouth seeming to find every sensitive spot on him, and Steven could only respond in sharp gasps, squirming as John's mouth closed around one of his nipples and flicked at it with his tongue.
"Goddamn it, John." Steven's voice sounded rough to his own ears. He caressed the top of John's head, his hand curving around the back of his neck as he glanced down at him.
"You like that." John murmured as he left a trail across Steven's chest to capture his other nipple, evoking another sharp gasp.
"Yeah, I do." Steven reached down, brushing his fingers across John's chest, lightly playing with his nipples and evoking a similar reaction. "And so do you."
John's tongue flicked out one more time before he moved so that he was straddling Steven, leaning down to kiss him hard, sliding his hands up his arms until he threaded his fingers with Steven's. He wasn't quite holding him down. Steven could still break loose if he really wanted to.
But the way John was slowly taking charge right now, Steven sure as hell didn't want to.
John broke away briefly, his eyes searching Steven's face. "Something wrong?" Steven asked.
John looked as if he wanted to ask something, his brows knitting together as he tilted his head slightly. "Is it okay if we, you know, switch things around?"
Something in Steven thrilled to that idea. It had been ages since someone had done that to him. "Yeah, of course."
John looked slightly surprised but covered it well. "Okay. Where's that stuff?"
"Let me up a minute."
John did so, and Steven found what he was after, handing the small jar to John. It did occur to Steven that he might have to talk John through this, but something about the idea thrilled Steven.
It was slow going at first, but soon John's long fingers were deep inside him, stroking him, finding that spot that nearly made him arch up off the bed. John looked a little concerned, stopping for a moment. "Are you okay?"
"God, yes." Steven managed to get out. "You react the same damn way."
John's face slowly changed to that half-smile as he played around inside Steven a little more, working at him, stretching him out little by little. Finally, he pulled out his fingers to stroke himself. "Sorry, got a little, uh, distracted."
"Nothing to apologize for." Steven told him. Truth be told, he found it to be a hell of a turn-on, watching John.
Finally, it seemed he was ready, and Steven could feel the tip press against him. "Okay. Ready?" John asked, sounding not terribly ready himself.
"Hold on." Steven shifted until he was on his stomach, then his knees and elbows. "Probably be easier for you this way."
"Oh." John's voice held a note of wonder, one hand sliding over Steven's rear to his back as he started to push into him. "How about now?"
Steven took a deep breath and nodded, and he could feel John push in with one move as Steven sharply exhaled. It still hurt like hell at first, and he could hear John let out a sharp breath of his own, his hand still resting on Steven's back. "You okay? Did I hurt you?"
"Don't stop." Steven answered roughly. "Keep going."
John got a good grip on him, his fingertips digging into his hips as he slowly started pumping into him, eventually picking up speed until the sound of their bodies coming together and their own sharp breaths were the only sounds in the room.
Whatever pain Steven had felt at first was eclipsed now by the pleasure of John hitting that spot deep inside him over and over again, the sensation building and building until he couldn't hold back, releasing with a low moan that was muffled by the pillow.
John wasn't far behind, finishing with a rough groan, his grip tightening for a moment before he let go, letting his hands slide over Steven's back. "Was that okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"
Steven couldn't help the laugh that escaped him as he rolled to his back. "Believe me, if you were hurting me, I would have said so. And yeah, that was okay. More than okay."
John seemed to relax at that, his lopsided smile once again slowly spreading across his face. "Kind of a, uh, new thing, you know?"
"Really." Steven was a little surprised. "You've never done that?"
"Well, uh, not with a guy." John answered. "Plenty of girls."
"Okay." Steven had a good laugh at that. "Not sure I need details."
"What?" John looked baffled. "You've done it with chicks, right?"
"Here and there, yeah." Steven answered. "It's not my preference."
"Huh." John seemed to think about that. "You know, I don't know if I have a preference. Never thought about it much. I was into guys, you know, but it always went so badly that I quit trying with them. Made things easier."
"Sure." Steven wasn't entirely sure where John was going with this.
John leaned over and kissed Steven. "Think maybe you're my preference."
"Hmm." Steven couldn't help feeling amused at that. "Well, I know that you're mine."
John nodded, looking equal parts thoughtful and amused. "Suppose we should, uh, clean up, right?"
"Right." Steven answered, shifting to sit up. "And I suppose I should figure out something to eat."
John slid off the bed next to him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek as he went off to find a washcloth and a towel, tossing the towel to Steven while he wet the washcloth from the water tank and cleaned himself off.
Steven cleaned up and dressed before figuring out what he wanted to make. Breakfast for dinner had long been one of his favorite meals, and it would give him a chance to put that sourdough starter and the wild blueberry jam to use.
As he started getting ingredients and equipment out, he heard soft whining at his feet. He looked down to see Pepper looking up at him hopefully, his tail thumping on the floor. "Suppose you're getting hungry too, huh?"
Pepper's tail really got going then, followed by a half-howl, and Steven shook his head. "Okay, okay. I'll feed you mutts, then feed your friend, okay?"
"I can do that if you want." John was pulling a flannel shirt on over his t-shirt, running a hand through his hair.
Something fluttered in Steven's chest at the sight. "Sure, sure. Food's in that bin and bowls are on top."
"Got it." Johnny filled both bowls and whistled softly to get the dogs' attention. "Come on, eat up."
The clack clack clack of the dogs' footsteps indicated that the dogs were well settled into their meals, leaving Steven to concentrate on their own.
"How about you?" John was right behind him, a hand resting lightly between his shoulder blades. "Need some help?"
"Hmm." Steven leaned ever so slightly against his hand. "Think you can manage bacon and eggs? I can do the flapjacks."
"Sure, yeah." John answered casually.
Soon they were working together, casually chatting while Steven mixed up batter and John kept an eye on the bacon and started a pot of coffee. There was something else there, too, Steven thought, something just beneath the surface that John wasn't saying.
That letter came back to him, though Steven wasn't sure he wanted to bring it up. Maybe he'd make mention of it, give John an opening if he wanted to talk about whatever else was bothering him.
"So, I went to pick up my mail while I was in town." Steven started.
"Yeah?" John eyed him carefully.
"Yeah." Steven nodded as he scooped out a portion of batter and dropped it on the hot griddle. "Had a few letters in there. One of them from you. You must have sent it not long after we talked last."
John looked puzzled for a moment before recognition dawned on him. "Oh, yeah. Don't even remember what I wrote you about."
"Well, you did send me some pictures." Steven told him. "What were you doing, hanging off the side of a mountain?"
John laughed a little at that. "Something like that. Went climbing up at Echo Cliffs. Figured I'd try to get some shots. What'd you think?"
"You've come a long way." Steven replied, flipping the flapjack. "And I should have known you'd try to do something crazy like that."
John shrugged as he turned the bacon. "I had it all under control. I don't screw around when it comes to safety."
"No, I can't imagine you do." Steven agreed. "The shots turned out great. Really give me a different view."
John straightened up a little at that, looking distinctly pleased with himself. "Glad you think so. Entered them in a photo contest for the L.A. Times. First prize is fifty bucks. Guess I'll see if they think I'm any good."
Steven wasn't sure how to bring up the rest of it. "Chet still giving you a hard time?"
John huffed and rolled his eyes. "Always. Last week it was a rubber band around the sink sprayer. Got hit every time I turned on the damn sink. So now I've gotta think of a way to get him back."
He continued on in that vein for a while, talking about all the pranks they had pulled on each other over the years. "You know what, though? When we're out on a call, I know that guy's got my back. I mean yeah, he gets on my damn nerves, but…well, it'd be kinda boring without him, I guess. Like, we had this huge fire a while back, right? Had three other departments called in on it. If it hadn't been for him…well, it could have been bad. Real bad."
This must have been the fire John had written about. Steven kept making flapjacks while John finished the bacon, setting it aside and reaching around Steven for the eggs before cracking them into the pan.
His expression turned more serious as he broke the yolks and stirred them in the pan. "Pasadena lost three guys in that fire. Glendale lost two."
"John—"
John shook his head. "I mean, it happens. Comes with the territory."
"That doesn't mean it doesn't affect you." Steven responded quietly. "I mean, obviously I have no idea what you go through out there, but you've said it yourself that it's getting tough."
John frowned as he finished the eggs and shut off the stove. "Eggs are done. Think I'll see if the dogs wanna go out."
Steven sighed to himself, reaching up to lightly scratch John between his shoulder blades. "Okay. I'll get the rest of these flapjacks done."
John nodded and whistled softly to the dogs, who followed him out the front door of the cabin. Steven couldn't help the bit of worry that crept into his mind. He wasn't a shrink. He wasn't remotely qualified to help in the way he probably needed.
But he could at least be here, maybe provide him some measure of comfort and a distraction from his regular life. And if John ever did want to put down some of the load he was surely carrying, well, Steven would be here to take some of that, too.
But first, food. Steven finished the last of the flapjacks and set them aside to go out in search of John. He was sitting out on the porch, his feet propped up on the railing with Pepper at his side while Cinnamon explored the immediate area.
Steven came up behind John and draped his arms over his shoulders, kissing him on top of his head. "Food's ready."
John lightly grasped Steven's arm and stroked with his thumb. "Sounds good."
He let go and rose from the chair, the dogs close behind, and they each loaded up a plate and poured a cup of coffee before heading back out to the porch. It was a pleasant evening, not quite as chilly as it had been the previous evening, the sun dipping a bit lower tonight. "You know, if the skies clear up a little, we might catch a glimpse of the Northern Lights."
John brightened a little at that. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." Steven nodded. "We'll have to head back down by the river so we can get a clear sight."
"I'd like that." John replied. "Maybe the dogs wanna come along, too."
"Sure." Steven smiled at that.
They soon finished their meal, deciding to leave clean up until later in favor of an evening walk along the river. Steven found a pair of leashes and collars for the dogs and clipped them on, handing Pepper's to John, and they were on their way.
It was quiet now, a far cry from the activity during the day, and Steven simply enjoyed walking down this trail with John and the dogs. The skies were clearing out nicely now, the dusk taking over now. It still wasn't dark, but enough so that if they were lucky, they'd see those Northern Lights.
John paused briefly, staring out over the river. It was still now, save for the sounds of a few fish breaking the surface. He let out a brief sigh, threading his fingers through Steven's and curving them around the back of Steven's hand.
"I didn't mean to, you know, shut you out." John told him quietly. "You know, earlier. And I was gonna tell you about it in the letter. I started to. But then I thought, well, that's too much. He doesn't need to know all the gory details. So, I scrapped that one and started over."
Steven squeezed John's hand. "It can't be easy, seeing everything you see. Honestly, most of the time the little you do tell me sounds terrifying."
"It is. Sometimes." John nodded. "Fires, you know, they do what they want. We can't control them. And you know, you do your best to get everyone out safely, including the ones working. But you lose some. Just the way it is."
He took a deep breath and exhaled, gripping Steven's hand more tightly. "I'm trying to hang in there. I am. But it's getting hard. I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be able to keep doing this."
Steven stroked along the back of John's hand with his thumb. "For what it's worth, this cabin is open to you any time you need it. I know it takes a lot to get up here, but…it's here. I don't know how else to help."
John wrapped Pepper's leash around his hand and leaned over toward Steven, capturing his mouth in a lingering kiss before pulling back. "Just knowing you're around, that's a big help. Got someone and somewhere to escape to if I need to. Maybe that's enough for now."
Something in Steven ached for John, knowing that the little comfort he could provide wasn't nearly enough. But perhaps John was right, too, that what he could provide was enough for the time being.
"You know, I was telling Roy that I might not come back." John told him. "I was kidding, sort of. But now, being up here, well, kinda gets me thinking. Don't think I'm gonna do anything yet. Gotta figure out what else I'd do."
"You'd really leave it all behind?" Steven was somewhat surprised.
"I don't know." John answered quietly. "Sounds kinda dumb when you put it like that."
"I don't mean it to." Steven quickly assured him. "Just that it's not an easy life up here. Worth it to me, but maybe not to you."
"Yeah, I've gotta think about that." John nodded. "Maybe I can put in for some vacation time over the winter, you know, get some idea what it's like."
"Pretty sure I suggested that." Steven reminded him.
"You probably did." John responded airily before looking up at the sky and squinting. "Is that it?"
Steven followed where John was looking, barely making out the shimmering lights in the distance. "Looks like it. You'll be better able to see it in the winter when it's dark."
"I've seen pictures." John replied with a note of wonder in his voice. "Doesn't compare to the real thing. Man, that's really something."
They walked a little further down the trail in the opposite direction that they had taken earlier. The dogs stopped and sniffed at every piece of plant life, it seemed, and Steven found himself just enjoying this time with John.
If it all went to hell tomorrow, they'd at least have this, and for that Steven was profoundly grateful.
Eventually, they decided to turn back, falling back into their casual conversation as they made their way back up the trail and back to the cabin. They let the dogs off the leashes and started to clean up and put leftovers away. Before long they were back out at the fire pit, where Steven started a small fire and settled down on the ground. John was soon right there, his head in Steven's lap as he stretched out his legs in front of him.
"You've got an awfully good life up here." John told him quietly. "Gonna make it hard to go home."
Steven ran his hand through John's hair. "Well, you know, there's still time for you to get sick of me."
"Or for you to get sick of me." John countered. "Though I suppose if you didn't get sick of me that whole time you were around when I was laid up, a couple of weeks here aren't gonna do it, either."
"You may be right." Steven agreed, turning some of his attention to Cinnamon when she laid her head in his lap on the other side of him. "What's the matter, girl? John taking all of my attention? You know you're still my girl."
Cinnamon huffed and closed her eyes briefly as Steven scratched her behind the ears. He glanced over to see Pepper's head in John's lap, with John absently stroking the top of his head.
What a group they were. In all his years at this cabin, Steven could probably count on one hand the number of friends and others he had brought up here. Never mind that he had never extended such an invitation to any of them as he had to John.
He wasn't sure what he was thinking. He had to admit that the idea of coming home from an assignment God knows where to someone other than the dogs was appealing.
But that would mean John pulling up stakes in California to come here, and Steven wasn't sure that John was truly prepared to do that. It would be a major change for both of them, he knew that. Both of them would be letting in the other in a way that neither one had in a long time, if ever.
He had some idea of John's past romantic history, one that mostly seemed to involve a good deal of difficulties on his end. Steven could understand that. He had experienced plenty of his own.
God, it was hard as hell to maintain any kind of relationship, living the kind of life he did. But damned if John wasn't worth it, somehow. In John he had found some kind of kindred spirit, for lack of a better word.
Steven realized that it wasn't just the physical that drew them together, though that had been the primary draw at first. Those dark eyes, that shaggy dark hair, his whole way of moving, those were the things that had first attracted him.
And those hands. God, those hands. Whether he was gesturing expansively to make a point or lightly laying them on Steven's shoulder or arm or back or sliding them across his bare skin, there was something about those hands that got to him.
Now that they'd gotten to know each other, Steven knew there was much more to whatever was happening between them than mere physical attraction. Those letters John sent meant more to him than he could possibly know, the pictures that accompanied those letters making him miss John all the more.
And then there were the phone calls. Steven did his best to call John from wherever he landed and was only too happy to describe where he was and what he was working on.
It occurred to Steven that maybe those calls served as another form of escape for John, gave him something else to think about other than what he faced on a regular basis.
He let out a short sigh, drawing John's attention, and he tilted his chin up to look at him with concern wrinkling his brow. "Something wrong?"
Steven once again ran a hand through John's hair. "No. Nothing at all. Just happy to be here with you."
The concerned expression changed to that familiar half-smile. "Yeah. Me too."
Eventually they both wore down, and Steven moved to put out the fire for the night. Before long they were settled in bed, and as had already become a habit, the dogs settled at the foot of the bed, allowing Steven to get that much closer to John, sliding an arm across his stomach.
John responded with a soft sigh, resting his hand on Steven's arm, and it wasn't long before he was snoring softly.
It was a good life, Steven had to admit. And it was better when John was in it.