Chapter 75
"This is going to be great, Mom!" Henry remarked as he now added two blankets and a pillow to the plastic cans of food Regina had already stowed in the picnic basket.
"I hope so," Regina nodded, who was more than a little nervous. Even though they had already talked to Emma on the phone today, and even though Dr. Heart had assured her over the phone that Emma was in very good shape by her standards, there were too many things that could go wrong despite all the good conditions.
Henry noticed his mother's restlessness and frowned. "Why are you so tense?"
Regina smiled wryly and put a hand to her son's cheek. "Oh, Henry. I know I shouldn't always speak of the devil. But whenever our days are outside the norm, I immediately fear that something bad is going to happen."
"It won't. And even if it does: We're not going on a round-the-world trip with Emma. If she suddenly feels bad, we'll just turn around," Henry stated firmly, pressing a quick kiss to his mom's cheek.
This time it was a more genuine smile that reached Regina's eyes as well, settling on her face. "You're right. I shouldn't ruin the day ahead of time," she admitted, stroking through her hair. It was at moments like these that she sometimes really missed her sister. Of course, all she had to do was reach for her cell phone or poof herself to her front door when she wanted to talk to her, but it had been a much more intimate atmosphere when she had lived in her guest room. However, since Emma currently had to stay in the hospital permanently, there was no reason for Zelena to take on the double burden of having two residences with a toddler.
"Do you want to take some coffee with you?", Henry interrupted her thoughts then.
"No, not necessary. The extra thermos will just take up space, I'll have tea with you," she replied, folding the basket shut as they stowed everything away. "We should get on our way. It's warmest outside now."
Nodding, Henry ran to his room to change and returned a short time later to the foyer, where he slipped into his sneakers and a sweat jacket. Since it was Saturday and he didn't have to go to school, they were free to spend their time as they pleased.
Regina had already put on her flat shoes with her dark jeans and pulled one of Emma's long-sleeved shirts over her red shirt with the V-neck that Emma liked so much. It was almost April and the nights were still cold, but in the few hours around noon the thermometer was already reaching comfortable spring-like temperatures that no longer required thick jackets.
Henry carried the basket to the car and stowed it in the trunk before sliding into the seat next to Regina and buckling up. "Do you think maybe we should have given her a warning?"
"Then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore," Regina countered.
"I think Emma's had enough surprises in her life," Henry pointed out, making a face. "And more negative ones than positive."
"All the more time, then, for a positive one," Regina nodded, clearing her throat. "Possibly she would have been looking forward to it and then something would have come up. Or she would have been so excited that she couldn't look forward to it at all. It's better that way."
Henry shrugged and slumped back in the car seat. By now he knew the way to the clinic blindly; sometimes he used the bike, sometimes he walked, but mostly he accompanied his mother in the car. "I wish Emma could come home soon," he said quietly after a while. He missed his birth mother, even though she had almost only lain and slept during the last weeks she had been home. Without her, the house seemed cold and lonely to him.
"Me too," Regina replied with a soft sigh. "But the most important thing right now is that she's not getting worse," she reminded him, though the wrinkles on her forehead deepened and her fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter. A week ago, there had been another call for stem cell donations, but unfortunately, they were faced with the same result as before: Emma's tissue characteristics did not match anyone else's. Her doctor wasn't sure if this was just a very unfortunate coincidence or if Emma's Savior DNA was the problem. Regina, on the other hand, didn't care what the problem was. All that mattered to her was what it meant for Emma.
"Mom?"
"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Regina asked, parking the car in a vacant spot in front of the clinic.
"I didn't... But you're thinking about the stem cell donation again, aren't you?" Henry speculated, hitting the mark. Ever since they had the certainty that Emma wouldn't get help in Storybrooke, she hardly thought about anything else.
"How could I not think about it?" she countered with a sigh, raising her eyes to the second floor of the hospital, where she was aiming for Emma's room window. "This was her only chance to get better. She took an extreme step when she started the treatments again. I don't think we can get her to leave town and seek help elsewhere."
Henry stared ahead and ran his hand over the back of his head. "I'm still willing to donate. Why won't you let me?"
"Because... If your cells attack Emma's body, then there's no turning back. Then she will die. Could you live with that?"
"If we don't do anything, she'll die anyway, Mom," Henry stated quietly. "If it's the only option, I wouldn't regret it, for sure."
Taking a deep breath, Regina eyed her son and finally shook her head. "Right now, she's fine. If there's a chance you'll donate, I'm sure Dr. Heart will get back to you on that at some point." Right now, she couldn't and wouldn't think any further about the issue. Emma would notice immediately if she wasn't concentrating, and she wanted to avoid that at all costs. This was supposed to be a nice family day where they didn't think about whether it would be better to die of kidney failure, leukemia or rejection.
When they entered the oncology ward, Henry was already walking ahead to Emma's room, where he sanitized his hands and, after tapping them against the wood, entered the room with the basket in his hand while Regina was still discussing final details regarding the trip with Dr. Heart.
Emma sat upright in her bed, squeezing the blue rubber ball in pumping motions with her left hand that she had been given to keep the shunt in her arm developing properly. Even though all the tensing and relaxing of her muscles drained her and also caused her pain at times, she made sure meticulously to practice for at least an hour throughout the day. She knew it had only been three weeks since the surgery and it would be at least four, and most likely six, weeks before the shunt was ready for use and could be punctured, but she certainly didn't want to be at fault if it took longer, as the makeshift Shaldon catheter in her neck was bothering her more every day. "Hey, kid," she greeted her son when she noticed his entrance, setting the ball down on her nightstand before turning off the television that had been serving as background noise for her. "I'm glad you're here."
"Me too," Henry replied, setting the basket down near the door and giving her a gentle hug.
Emma returned the hug and then tilted her head in wonder as she looked at the basket. "Are you going to picnic in here?" she asked jokingly.
"Not exactly," Henry replied, who wanted to wait for his other mother before letting Emma in on the planned excursion. "It's totally warm outside today, you'd almost think it was summer already," he thus only added.
Longingly, Emma directed her gaze out the window, in front of which white clouds stood in a light blue sky, illuminated by the sun's rays. "I'm sure it'll be great," she said softly, and even though she tried hard, she couldn't keep the disappointment and envy out of her tone. "I'm sure you'll have a great time."
"I hope you will, too," Regina said, who at that moment entered her girlfriend's hospital room, leaned over to her and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. "Hello, love."
"Hi," Emma greeted her, holding her by the shoulder so she too could press a kiss to her forehead before moving back out of her reach. "I doubt it's going to be very fun in here," she then elaborated on her statement.
"I think so too," Regina nodded, "And that's why we're going to go picnicking today. The three of us."
A grin settled on Henry's lips when he saw Emma's confused expression.
"You've got to be kidding me. Why are you teasing me like this? Isn't it enough that I'm stuck in here indefinitely?" she wanted to know indignantly. "I'm starting to go stir-crazy, I've been here for over a month now!"
Regina took a seat on the edge of Emma's bed and closed her fingers around her hand as she looked lovingly into her eyes. "We would never do anything like that. Everything has been cleared with your doctor. You have permission to leave the clinic for a few hours. This afternoon we'll bring you back." She closed with a smile and squeezed Emma's hand.
Still confused, Emma looked back and forth between her girlfriend and her son, but mixed in with the confusion was a spark of hope and tears shimmered in her eyes. "I'm allowed... to go outside?" she asked chokingly, running her hand over her eyes, which despite the tears were shining like they hadn't in a long time.
Regina nodded and pressed her full lips to Emma's head for a few seconds. "Yes, love. You are," she then whispered, pulling her into a tight hug.
"But how did you manage that?", Emma finally wanted to know, looking at Regina in disbelief.
"It actually wasn't hard at all. Heart agreed with me: there's no way you're going to get better in here," the brunette replied, rising to go to Emma's closet and pick out some suitable clothes. "And since we know you well enough, we didn't tell you anything beforehand."
Emma pursed her lips into a grin and looked to her son. "You might as well have told me something, you little traitor," she joked.
Henry just shrugged his shoulders. "Would you dare defy Mom's wishes?" he asked sanctimoniously, at which point they both caught a scowl over their shoulders from Regina.
"Probably not," Emma finally admitted, flipping back her blanket. With difficulty, she turned onto her side and then straightened up to come to a sitting position at the edge of the bed.
Seeing immediately that she needed all the strength she could muster to stay in an upright position without a backrest, Henry settled down beside her and put his arm around her slender shoulders.
"Thanks, kid," she groaned out, struggling for air, and closed her eyes, fully focused on breathing in the supplemental oxygen from the nasal cannula.
As Regina turned to the two of them, her brow furrowed in concern, but she knew that it was normal in Emma's condition for any extra effort, however small, to take everything from her. She looked thoughtfully at the sweatpants and cozy hoodie Emma wore before deciding that the clothing, along with her anorak and a blanket, would be warm enough. "Do you need a few more minutes?", Regina finally wanted to know, crouching down in front of Emma.
Shaking her head, the latter opened her eyes and gave her a smile. "No, I want to go outside," she finally verbalized her answer and watched Regina pull her boots to her feet.
Henry, meanwhile, helped her into her anorak and wrapped a scarf around her neck, being very careful not to get caught on the catheters. "Here, Ma," he finally said, handing her her gray beanie.
"Thanks," Emma said softly, pulling the beanie onto her head. For her, the fact that it was warm outside didn't automatically mean she could dress breezily. Her lack of body fat meant she was freezing most of the time, and chemo and radiation meant she had to be extra careful and couldn't expose herself directly to the sun without protection. "And this is really agreed upon?" she wanted to know again as her loved ones helped her up and into the wheelchair to which Regina now attached the portable oxygen machine.
"Do you think Mom would have gone among the rebels now?" Henry smirked.
"Probably not," Emma admitted, taking a deep breath. The thought of breathing fresh air and escaping the stuffy room, even if it was only for a few hours, both spurred her on and frightened her. This time it wasn't even the glances of the townspeople she was afraid of, but rather the question of whether she would be able to endure the unaccustomed exertion.
Gently, Regina finished by placing a blanket on her legs and pinning it to her sides. "Are you ready to go?" she then wanted to know, pausing with her face close to her girlfriend's.
"I think so," Emma nodded after a moment's hesitation, then kept her eyes firmly on Henry, who walked ahead of them with the picnic basket to open the doors for them. Here and there, doctors and nurses greeted the three as they passed, and when they finally passed the main entrance and the first breeze brushed Emma's face, her fear was blown away and joy prevailed. "It's gorgeous," she said, stretching her face toward the spring sun with her eyes closed.
Regina exchanged a happy glance with Henry before pushing her girlfriend in the wheelchair on to the sidewalk and they made their way toward the harbor.
"Where are you going?" Emma inquired after a while. Of course, she knew the street very well and knew that it led to the docks, but for sure the two of them were not planning to take a boat ride.
"I'm sure you'll be able to muster that much patience," Regina answered, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze from behind before pushing her along.
"You'll like it," Henry added when he noticed Emma's pout.
"You always say that, but still don't tell me what you're up to," she answered him sullenly, then froze. She no longer cared much that her condition was an open secret, but it still made a difference to know about it and see it with own eyes. She was now confirmed in that very fact when she saw Hook coming toward her.
With an initially joyful smile, the pirate jumped off the deck of the Jolly Roger and landed safely on the wood of the jetty. As he approached the three, however, his always crooked smile cracked, even as he clearly made an effort to hide his dismay. "Swan," he greeted her and then nodded to Henry and Regina as well before his attention turned back to Emma. "What brings you to the harbor on this glorious day?"
"Hey, Killian," Emma merely murmured at first, knotting her fingers under the blanket. "We're going for a walk," she finally answered his question curtly, lowering her gaze. "How... is it working out being deputy?" she then wanted to know, swallowing hard past the lump in her throat. Surely it was all half-assed and she was just imagining him staring at the oxygen cannula and her bald head. And even if he did, it shouldn't matter; after all, he wasn't her lover, even if he always would have liked to be. But Emma saw him as a good mate in whose company she could behave boorishly and rudely without him criticizing her for it, just as she had been required to do in the days when she had lived on the streets. Having to face him now, so weak and helpless, gave her an unexpectedly painful sting.
"Well, you were right. I have indeed gotten used to those darn computers. Even though I still prefer to patrol the streets and chase the bad guys," he grinned.
"You won't have much to do then," Emma replied dryly, cautiously raising her eyes a little. "Unless Regina has kept all misdeeds from me, it's been pretty quiet these past few months."
"Aye, indeed. But that's what they're advised to do. After all, if they didn't behave, they'd have to face the best deputy Storybrooke has ever seen," he intoned, flashing two rows of white teeth at his next laugh.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with you there. I already hold that title," Emma joked, pressing her lips together for a moment. "Well then, Killian... I'll see you around."
Nodding, he gave her a brief hesitant pat on the shoulder and then walked a few steps backwards towards his ship. "Keep your chin up, Swan!" With that, he turned and jumped up on deck.
"That was... pretty bizarre," Regina noted, lowering her gaze to the back of Emma's head. "Are you all right?"
"Yes. Yes, of course," Emma nodded quickly, taking a deep breath. It took her a few moments to push back the painful thoughts of her job and her usual life. This was her life now, and she wasn't going to let unfulfillable desires ruin this day. "So where are we going?"
"Are you sure you still can't figure it out?" Henry asked with a laugh, as they left the paved road and instead of entering the harbor, turned right onto a narrow path that was no longer paved, but still smooth enough to pass by in a wheelchair.
Emma looked around and her face took on a gentle expression. "You want to go to the beach," she noted quietly. Where else, if not at the lake, could one have a picnic in a beautiful atmosphere, undisturbed?
"That's right," Regina confirmed the assumption and finally stopped as the dusty dirt road turned more and more into sand.
Henry took a few more steps ahead and set the basket down on a spot protected from the wind by a rock covered with plants and from the other side by a dune, where there was a beach chair, before returning to his mothers.
Hastily, Emma took a breath as she realized she would have to walk to reach the final destination. "I don't know if I can..." she began, then broke off again. She just had to make it, or it would all be for nothing.
"We're here, you can do it," Regina murmured in her ear with her warm voice, placing a kiss on her temple.
Emma enjoyed the warm sensation Regina's lips left on her skin and nodded as a sign that she was ready. Although the sand under her feet made it even more difficult to move forward, she made it the good five meters with Regina and Henry's help quite easily, but then settled down in the beach chair with relief nonetheless.
"Are you okay?" Regina wanted to know, whose hands were still on Emma's shoulders.
"Yeah, I think so," she nodded, looking up at her girlfriend. "Thanks."
Regina gave her a smile before going back to her wheelchair and retrieving the blanket, while Henry was already spreading out a plaid picnic blanket on the floor and starting to unpack food. "The clinic park would have been an alternative, I know, but..." Regina began as she covered Emma's legs again, but her girlfriend interrupted her.
"It's perfect here." Smiling softly, Emma put a hand to her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes. The sight of her girlfriend, her son, the sand around them, and the gentle sound of the waves all made Emma's heart pound harder in her chest with happiness. Even though she realized that it would be all the more difficult for her to return to the hospital, she knew that at that moment she was in one of Storybrooke's most beautiful places and she wouldn't have wanted to give that up for anything in the world.
"Guess what, Mom even packed cheeseburgers and sausages and... wow, Mom... are those donuts?", Henry's voice rang through the silence.
"If I'm going to picnic with you two, I guess you should like the food," Regina indicated with a smirk, settling down next to Emma. "What would you like to eat?"
Emma thoughtfully let her gaze slide over the numerous cans and finally decided on a cheeseburger, which Henry handed to her. Regina's choice also fell on the greasy dish, and while Henry sat down cross-legged and grabbed a sausage and some ketchup, Regina snuggled up to her girlfriend as they ate.
"How did the beach chair get here anyway?", Emma wanted to know after a while, wiping a crumb from the corner of her mouth. "This isn't exactly the beach area where you'd expect to find something like that."
"All it took was a little magic," Regina replied with a grin, leaning forward to pour Emma some tea in a paper cup, which she then held out to her.
She gratefully accepted the warming drink and washed down the remains of the cheeseburger in her mouth with it. Surprised, she realized that she hadn't eaten so much at once in half an eternity. The monotony of the hospital spoiled the last bit of appetite she had, but out here in the company of her family she felt so relaxed and happy that she was even hungry. "When do we have to go back?" she anxiously wanted to know.
"Five o'clock at the latest." Regina raised her arm and glanced at the watch on her wrist. "It's only a little after two now," she immediately reassured her.
Relieved, Emma sighed and rested her head against Regina's shoulder.
"Are you warm enough?" the brunette wanted to know caringly. She herself was almost too hot in the cotton shirt, but she couldn't judge by that.
Emma nodded and stroked her hand. "Yes, it's comfortable like this." Her gaze slid to Henry, who was still busy sampling through the various foods his mother had packed. A smile slid across her face and she straightened up a little more. "Enjoy it while you can. Soon I'll take away your food again," she teased her son, who gave her a playfully indignant look.
"Not a chance, Mom would never let you do that, would she?"
"Who knows," Regina grinned, rising and settling down next to him on the blanket. Immediately she had one of the donuts in her hand and let a big bite disappear into her mouth.
Henry's eyes snapped open. "What, you too?"
In response, both women laughed.
"You really think I don't like to eat sweet stuff?" Regina asked shaking her head in wonder. "Unfortunately, I'm not a growing teenager, nor am I Emma. With me, stuff like that goes straight to my hips, so I can't eat as I please."
"You can. You're still very sexy even with a little flab on your hips," Emma countered with a mischievous grin.
Henry rolled his eyes and lowered his salami roll he was about to bite into. "Ma! I'm still eating!"
"Well, nobody's stopping you. Go ahead and eat," Emma said dryly, letting her gaze slide over Regina. She had immediately noticed the red shirt she was wearing. The fact that it was her own lumberjack shirt she was wearing over it didn't escape her notice either. As her girlfriend sat at her feet, donut in hand, her shoulder-length dark hair slightly tousled by the wind, she was absolutely certain she had never been happier. She had loved Neal, but what she shared with Regina reached deeper. Whatever happened, she had irrevocably lost her heart to her, and whether she didn't live to see her next birthday or lived to be 80 years old, that didn't change.
When Henry finished eating, he knocked the crumbs off his hands, slipped his shoes and socks off his feet, and walked over to the water. It was still much too cold to swim at this time of year, but it was something special every year to sink one's feet into the cool water for the first time until the stinging cold could no longer be endured.
Briefly, Emma looked after her son, as did Regina, before slowly getting up, supporting herself with her right arm and sliding to the ground beside her girlfriend.
"Emma," Regina said in surprise, since she had still been staring over at Henry and the water and had not noticed Emma's intention. Now she carefully put an arm around her back and helped her find a comfortable sitting position where she could lean her back against the beach chair.
To indicate that she had found a comfortable position, Emma nodded and brushed the nasal cannula off her face. Deeply, she breathed in the fresh sea air and closed her eyes. "I want to stay here forever," she whispered, letting the sand next to the blanket slip through her fingers. "I want to freeze this moment and live in it until we're old and gray."
"Sounds good to me," Regina observed, sliding closer to Emma so they could snuggle together. "Too bad Henry didn't get you from Boston sooner," she whispered.
"Should he have taken the bus when he was five and come looking for me?", Emma wanted to know with a grin, gently running her fingertips over Regina's thigh.
"I would have gone crazy," Regina murmured, feeling goosebumps crawl all over her body from Emma's touch. "But since he's your son, he probably could have handled that, too."
An amused sound left Emma's lips and, realizing the effect her caressing fingers were having on Regina, she turned her face fully toward her and eyed her soft, full lips.
"No kisses, Emma," Regina whispered, knowing exactly what was going through her mind.
"Just once," the younger of the two replied. "Please." Her gaze moved from her lips to her eyes. "I love you and I want to kiss you while I still can."
Regina swallowed and leaned her forehead against Emma's as she returned the gaze from her green eyes. With the sunlight in them and the reflection of the water, they looked almost blue at the edges, but right around the pupil they shone the most beautiful emerald green Regina had ever seen. "That's unreasonable," she whispered, but her steadfastness faltered.
"I don't want to be reasonable all the time," Emma countered, stroking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I want to feel you and give you all my love."
As tears began to form, Regina closed her eyes and bit her lip, but didn't pull away from Emma. Her words resonated within her and there was nothing she would rather do now than taste her lips and forget what fate the universe had destined for them. But at the same time, the fear of exposing Emma to the normally harmless bacteria in her mouth, which her weakened immune system would have little to oppose, stirred within her.
"Regina," Emma said quietly. "Look at me," she begged, running her hands over her shoulders until they came to rest on her upper arms.
Slowly Regina opened her eyes again and met Emma's gaze once more.
"Let me kiss you," she repeated her request. "I could die at any time. You too could be hit by a car, who knows beforehand? So I think it's our duty to make the most of our lives, and I won't be forbidden to show my girlfriend how much I love her."
Regina's lips parted as she gazed at Emma's narrow, pale mouth. She didn't have to say anything. As if in silent agreement, the two moved toward each other at the same time, closing the short distance that had still been between them. Soft and demanding at the same time, they met for what was probably the most longing and desperate kiss they had ever shared, not knowing when or if there would be a next time.
With a smile on his lips, Henry, who had just wanted to make his way back through the sand, turned away from his mothers and instead looked out again at the blue, almost perfectly calm water. He had read many books and, through his skills as an author, had a very special connection especially with the fairy tales he wrote down. Through them, he had witnessed countless love stories, never thinking it possible that the greatest and most touching of all would take place right under his nose. Never before had he seen two people need each other so much and give each other so much strength as was the case with his mothers.
Struggling for breath, Emma pulled away from Regina after several minutes, her lips sore and swollen. She could still taste the mixture of salty tears, the remnants of the donut, and a nuance that was entirely Regina on her tongue. "That was..." she gasped.
"...incredible," Regina finished her sentence in a raspy voice, pulling Emma to her so that her head came to rest in the crook of her neck. "I love you, Emma Swan," she said softly, feeling against the sensitive skin of her neck how her girlfriend's lips twisted into a smile. However, she felt her rapid, strained breaths as well, so she only gave her a few more seconds before gently leaning her back and putting the oxygen cannula back on her, only to pull her back against her immediately after, encircling her body with her arms as if she could keep any harm or threat from her.