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CHAPTER 13:
Hope

Ever since Trunks began to distrust his mother's intentions when it came to his girlfriends, Trunks made it clear that he wanted to live away from Capsule Corporation and be in the dorm.

And he always got what he wanted.

In college, he was set up on the penthouse floor of his dormitory, where the university outfitted him with a private single dormitory suite with a living room, study room, a kitchenette and his own private bathroom. Without an eye for design, and certainly rejecting his own mother's taste, Trunks used his trust fund money to hire an interior decorator to refinish his suite with modern furniture and upgraded appliances.

Trunks never thought to really wonder why none of the other students did what he did. He was just used to a certain lifestyle, and it tended to bring him popularity.

From February until June of his first year, Trunks leaned into his popularity and pushed hard to live a double life. Outside of his poorly-minded classes, when Trunks wasn't working to make money to pay for Havana's bill, he filled his emotional void with entertainment and half-hearted attempts to meet people. It was part of his attempt to try to live some semblance of a normal life, despite the fact that he could barely hold himself together during this time.

As part of his strategy to avoid vanishing into the shadows and losing out on life, Trunks made sure to use his massive penthouse dorm space to host at least one or two dorm parties per week. It kept up his image of feeling relevant and seen.

When family wanted to visit him at school, Trunks rejected them with the excuse that he was hosting dorm parties, and he was unavailable.

He didn't care if he sounded like a jerk. Nothing really had any meaning anymore, anyway.

Sometimes, Trunks used his parties as an excuse to try to feel something with any girl. He found that if he smoked some dragonweed, he found a little more success being able to bed some pretty girls.

It didn't matter, though. Trunks was just trying to fill a void, and answer a call to an unidentifiable pain within himself. But it was a black hole inside him; nothing filled the void, and the more he tried to satiate his need to feel complete, the emptier he felt.

Besides for class, work, groceries, and his open-door dorm parties in which Trunks still didn't care to remember names, Trunks avoided most other people, and he avoided social media. He pushed away his family and friends almost entirely.

He didn't come home a lot that semester. Most of his family had not seen him at all.

When Trunks did stop by, to pick up a few things here and there, he was antisocial, not wanting to talk about himself, and mostly kept to his room.

Goten was the only one to regularly hear from Trunks, but that's because he had been on auto-pilot communicating with him, and he mostly updated Trunks with his own gossip about school. The Badminton Team made it to the Top Five in the College National Championship games, which was a big achievement considering the team was brand new to their school. Trunks had no doubt that Goten carried his team, but it really again went to show how great a teammate he was.

Goten was aware of Trunks' parties, and over the course of several months, grew increasingly concerned about how often Trunks was having them, and thought maybe it'd be better for Trunks if he just had a few people over instead. Despite how many people Trunks bragged about having over, Goten stuck to his belief that Trunks was showing signs of being lonely, and he had also started to notice by this point Trunks had stopped wanting to talk as much.

Goten wanted to know what was wrong. Trunks' panic rose as he realized he was unable to conceal his emotional emptiness; Goten had started to see through his facade.

Trunks was terrified that Goten might start to dig deeper. He didn't want to reach a point where he'd ever have to outwardly lie to Goten; it was easier to simply deflect.

Goten kept reflecting back to when Trunks and Mai broke up, and thought maybe the problem might be that Trunks needed to date and get a girlfriend. Trunks didn't know how to tell Goten how he had been failing so hard in his attempts to make any kind of connection, so he simply kept quiet.

Goten was worried that Trunks might be in a mental spiral. Trunks disagreed, saying he was fine, and then he changed the subject, because he always felt awkward when Goten lingered on his worries for Trunks.

After speaking with Goten, Trunks almost always tried to call a girl or two from his phone whose face he associated with a name. There were a few girls who were easier for him to have over than others.

There was one girl who tended to come by more often than others, at least one per week, so in a way maybe Trunks could consider her as a loosely defined "girlfriend," though their relationship was completely open and without any expectations. She was an art student who Trunks met through his Archetypal Hero figure drawing class. She had been a teacher's assistant in his first semester, and was always the one who handed him his check at the end of the day. At the end of the first semester, she had given him his final envelope for the year, and it also had her number on it. She went by the name Pen, short for Pencille. Trunks remembered her because he found her name ironic, and jokingly could call her his Pen-chan, though she never understood why he always grinned when he said her name.

There was also another girl, Ban, short for Bandana, an architectural student whose name he found too similar to Havana's and so he never could open himself up to her. Her funny name was actually how they had met. At one of his parties, one of his female dormmates introduced Ban to Trunks, and they had both awkwardly laughed about how they were named after articles of clothing. Ban had stood out to Trunks in particular because she had gifted him with a blue bandana for Valentine's day. She told him he should try to wear it around his neck, because it complemented his darker blue hair roots that were growing in.

Trunks really liked how the bandana felt like a bit of armor for him. He always had a sensitive neck which he preferred to keep covered in some way, either with high collars, scarves, or other materials. He hadn't leaned into bandanas, though.

The blue banana gave him just enough confidence that it ended up being a staple of his closet - he bought a whole spectrum of solid-colored bandanas to try to mix and match with his outfits. Nothing gave him the same feeling as the blue bandana, though. And because he often wore it, his mind kept the girl Ban in his thoughts, and so he kept in touch with her through texts. There wasn't much romantic connection, though. He had managed to sleep with her once, but had felt nothing and they never did it again, so he'd hardly call her a "girlfriend" of any type. But, she was, in her own way, a form of support for him. Her bandana, at least, helped Trunks to maintain some semblance of identity during his emotionally difficult second semester in school.

Trunks knew that he had been putting himself out there. He had been trying his best, working what he had, to try to hold himself together. But overall, no matter what he did, nothing could fill the emptiness inside him - no object, no game, no clothing, and certainly no girl.

––––––––

By the time late March came around, Trunks had lost hope. He didn't know what to do.

He had called Goten in tears one night, emotional and not sure who he could talk to. He said he didn't understand his lack of attraction to women. He tried to come out with the truth about his guilt on that call. Trunks struggled to talk about Havana, and all he was able to get out was a confession that he "felt trapped."

But when Goten asked him more about it, Trunks couldn't bring himself to say more details. Trunks got awkward during the conversation and made up an excuse that he had to go to study for a semi-final exam, and hung up a little too quickly.

To Trunks, it was a failed call.

To Goten, it was a call for help.

––––––––

On Sunday, April 1st, Goten texted Trunks:

Bro! CALL ME (totes not an April Fool's)

Goten grinned in secret as he watched Trunks stumble off the couch in a daze, wearing baby blue samue-style pajamas, and peering at his phone with overly-squinted eyes and a pained expression that made it clear how Trunks was battling a massive headache.

Trunks squinted as he tried to press some buttons on his phone, and then Goten's phone sparked up and played the theme to The Clean God Movie.

Trunks looked to the window, taken by surprise, and saw Goten's head smiling.

Goten grinned as he tapped the glass of Trunks' window while standing on Kinto'un.

Trunks shifted the window upward and stuck his head out. "What! You're here?!"

Goten laughed, "April Fool's, surprise!"

"Ahhh," Trunks looked around and seemed hesitant, "Why?"

"Why?" Goten was taken aback. He could immediately sense that Trunks was off.

Goten never needed any reason to visit before. It felt weird that he'd need one.

'Why not?!" Goten pouted "You've never invited me over this whole school year!"

Trunks shifted his stance a little awkwardly, "Uhhh…" Trunks stepped back, scratching the back of his tussled hair and looking around, "Yeah, my bad. I just haven't really had anyone over."

"What about your parties?" Goten frowned with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know," Trunks said honestly, "Those feel different somehow. It's just fellow dorm-mates."

Goten peeked in, "Well… are you at least gonna invite me in?"

"Oh! Uh…" Trunks realized he had been rude. "Yeah, come in. Sorry for the mess."

Trunks stepped back into the living room, which was fairly immaculate except an open bag of potato chips on the computer desk.

Goten could tell that Trunks was stiff and uncomfortable. He had never been that way with Goten before, and Goten had no idea how to read his body language. Whatever it was, it felt off.

As Goten hopped down from the window, he could see that Trunks had not been expecting company that morning. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were heavy.

Trunks squinted as if the light were a little too bright. He carried himself a little raggedly and shuffled in his light blue pajama pants. He looked like he didn't get enough sleep, and he had fallen asleep in some drunken emotional state.

Trunks stepped around a floor vacuum bot as he made his way back from the window.

Goten hopped into the living room, and saw the cleaning bots humming in the background, vacuuming, picking up items, and cleaning dishes in the sink.

"So, what's up?" Trunks put his left hand in his pajama shirt's pocket.

"I had something to tell you," Goten started, but then hesitated. "Do you wanna, uh, sit down?"

Trunks pouted his lips and raised his eyebrows in question.

Trunks ran his hand through his hair, then backed up toward his navy blue fabric couch, "Yeah, sure."

Trunks flopped into a corner of his L-shaped sofa, gesturing to Goten to also sit.

"Want a coffee?"

"Ah, no," Goten politely declined, "I have my water bottle."

"Soooo," Trunks raised his eyebrows in anticipatory scrutiny, "You said you have news?"

Goten bit his lip, "Well… I wanted to talk about a couple of things, actually. I wanted it to be in person."

Trunks watched him with a strange expressionless face. Goten found it odd. Trunks looked like he was teetering on a panic, yet shielding it behind a wall of ice. It felt weird, like Trunks was steeling himself against hearing something that might upset him.

"You okay?" Goten frowned.

"What," Trunks' face was steely and expressionless, "What news?"

Most people might have seen Trunks and interpreted his expression as being neutral, and receptive. But Goten could read Trunks' body language better than Trunks realized.

Goten was confused, though.

"Um…" Goten hesitated, not sure if he was reading Trunks' body language right. Trunks' body was tense, as if his heartbeat had risen due to some kind of… fear…

Goten coughed, and decided to give Trunks the benefit of the doubt, and assume Trunks was just tired and grouchy from whatever hangover he was recovering from.

Goten decided to start with the lesser of the big announcements.

Thinking about it made Goten feel a little bashful. He hadn't told anyone yet, and wanted Trunks to be the first to know.

"I met someone," Goten blushed as he looked down to his feet while sitting on the couch. He looked to his right side, toward Trunks, "She's super cute."

"Uhh, what?" Trunks blinked and tucked a bang behind his right ear, "You met a new girl?"

"Yeah," Goten shifted himself on the couch reflexively and bashfully.

"Uhhh," Trunks hesitated, and then warmed his gaze, "Tell me about her."

"Well," Goten felt a burst of joyful energy when he thought about the girl he had been seeing. "She's got big blonde hair, and blue eyes, and she's got this nose like this," Goten mimicked silhouette curves in the air with his palms, "and she's from Angler Land."

"Angler Land," Trunks mused, seeing a developing pattern, "You like your foreign girls."

Goten laughed, "I didn't think about it that way."

"What's her name?" Trunks inquired innocently.

"London," Goten grinned. "But she goes by Lon."

––––––––

Goten spent the next ten minutes telling Trunks all about how he met his new girl, London.

Goten had been at the beach, and he had just finished Badminton practice. London had been working out at the beach and had seen Goten from afar. She approached shyly and said she had never introduced herself to a stranger before, and she "adorably rambled" that she "wasn't sure if it was weird, but she wanted to see if Goten wanted to hang out together at the beach for stuff for a little bit or something."

Goten had thought the whole exchange was cute. He had never been approached cold-turkey before, and wasn't sure what the right answer was supposed to be. Growing up, he knew the general rule was to "not hang out with strangers," but he threw that all to the wind.

Now that he was eighteen, Goten decided he was old enough and brave enough to take a stranger out for a date.

London had been by herself at the beach when they met. She had just finished her afternoon workout. She carried around a capsulized outdoor workout gym, which she usually used in parks or along the beach.

London showed off her weightlifting equipment on the sand. Goten lifted all of the weights at once to impress her, and she laughed and invited him out for ice cream.

Turns out, they really hit it off. They both liked ice cream, and Goten loved to hear stories about London's life on the northern islands of Angler Land.

They had laughed, and London had a cheerful energy that made her different from other girls.

London was a little older than Goten, in her young twenties. He didn't mind it; he said he actually liked being with an older girl since he otherwise would be pretty shy about making first moves.

They had gone on three beach dates at that point, and Goten said he felt something for her that made her stand out, and he wanted to keep seeing her.

Goten liked her a lot, and was thinking about making it official. He wanted to talk to Trunks first, though, so he could work out his thoughts and maybe get any advice.

Trunks held back his feelings about everything. He deflected, and told Goten, "Only you know what your heart wants."

Goten wanted to introduce Trunks to London, and Trunks immediately shot up, and then sat back down as he rejected the idea vehemently.

Trunks did not want to meet London.

Trunks' behavior confused Goten. Goten again asked Trunks if he was okay.

Trunks had no idea how to better put into words that he had no interest in meeting London. He never wanted to meet any of Goten's girlfriends again.

After Havana, Trunks was done. He didn't want to risk any of them giving him side glances, or sensual gestures. The thought sickened him. He just didn't know how to tell Goten that, so he didn't want to meet any of his girlfriends.

His rejection of meeting London manifested in Trunks accidentally slipping one of his thoughts out loud as Goten talked about how they could hang out together; Goten had just told Trunks that London had more in common with Trunks than he realized.

"I don't want to hear about London," Trunks slipped.

He realized he said that out loud and got awkward. "Um, sorry, I meant…"

"No, I get it," Goten said slowly. His eyes got soft, and he displayed a strong sense of understanding. "I know you miss Van."

-BOOM-

The words were triggering for Trunks, and he was taken aback that Havana was even brought up. It was like a sudden landmine burst, and whole body exploded in nervous, panicked energy. "Ah- Ahh…" Trunks stammered, not sure what to say.

"I wanted to talk about it," Goten bit his lip and continued, "I know my breakup really affected you."

Trunks was flabbergasted and stunned into silence. His eyes stung.

Goten got straight to the heart of it, "It took me a while to get over Van…" he paused, "And I know she affected you too."

Trunks was frustrated and tried to hold in his rising anger at the association of her emotions with her spoken name. Trunks wasn't sure how much truth Goten actually knew.

Goten continued, "And… I know you felt pressured to stop talking to her too after we broke up."

Trunks was confused, but was afraid to clarify. He wanted all of this over.

Goten lamented, "I didn't mean for you to also lose a friend in all that fallout."

"Huh?" Trunks blinked, incredulous.

"Maybe there can be a day when all of us can be friends again."

No. His whole body rejected that idea.

The thought nauseated Trunks.

Trunks was triggered, and his body lurched into tears. He felt he was choking.

He didn't know what to do with himself. His wide, wet eyes were shaken as he stared ahead, feeling a wave of a panic attack.

Goten noticed Trunks' expression, and frowned, "What's wrong, Trunks?"

Trunks deflected, not sure how to cover for himself, so he went to the first excuse: "I'm jealous."

"Huh?"

"I'm j-jealous," Trunks stammered, "that you can meet such authentic girls so quickly, who like you."

It was true. Trunks wished it were easier for him to find a girl who saw through just his face and money; it was easy for Goten to meet new people.

"Trunks," Goten looked softly to him with a gentle reminder, "It's easy to authentically like you, too."

It was like the words triggered a gun blast, straight to Trunks' chest.

Trunks didn't believe it. He didn't believe anyone could truly love him, because he also wasn't truly authentic.

If Goten knew the authentic truth about Trunks, he wouldn't be here right now.

Trunks broke down.

He cried on the couch, suddenly overwhelmed as if a dam had broken and washed away whatever resistance was left in his heart.

Trunks bent over and covered his face as he racked in sobs.

––––––––

Goten was stunned and stupefied. He had no idea what he said, or why Trunks was feeling so low.

Trunks' breakdown seemed to come from nowhere, and for no reason. Goten didn't understand why this was happening.

Trunks began to wail about how he couldn't trust anyone anymore.

His voice was hoarse as he sobbed that he didn't know a girl who wanted him for him. Even Trunks didn't want himself.

Trunks started crying about darker feelings, about how everything was meaningless, and how he wanted to die.

Goten was taken aback and afraid; he had never heard Trunks express those feelings, and he didn't know if Trunks was spouting them in his temper, or if those had been actual thoughts. All he knew was that Trunks had somehow gotten to a stage where he had lost confidence and love in himself, enough to lose trust in everyone else too.

Goten didn't know how to help Trunks.

But he ached and cried inside at seeing Trunks' pain.

Without a true understanding, Goten leaned into his more primal, instinctive nature to protect his best friend.

He knew how Trunks could be happy. Goten wanted to help Trunks. Goten wanted Trunks to see that Goten would always be there to support him.

He scooted closer to Trunks on the couch so they were both in the corner, and Goten was to Trunks' left side, looking at him.

Goten took Trunks' left hand in his right hand to squeeze it gently.

"You're awesome," Goten gently reminded Trunks as he lowered his head and teasingly looked up into Trunks' eyes. "There's a girl out there who will love you more than the world itself, and she doesn't even know it yet."

"I can't even find a girl who likes me more than wagyu steak." Trunks joked and wiped his eyes.

Goten laughed, "You just need to warm up and let someone in, Trunks."

Goten reminded Trunks that once he's comfortable with someone, he's a bundle of sunbeams and daydreams and corny jokes that would make any girl laugh.

Goten smiled and supported Trunks through words filled with love, "You can do anything," and "You're a superhero."

Trunks hadn't heard anyone tell him a compliment like that in a long time.

Goten's words struck Trunks like a sun ray in an inky, shadowy, murky swamp.

Trunks had felt like shit for a long time because of Havana. Because of his grief and guilt, Goten was right - he never opened up about himself to anyone at school.

Trunks had no real friends here. He had no one to talk to.

He had been alone, isolated.

He had backed himself into a corner, and he was trapped without any windows.

Trunks missed being seen.

He missed being loved.

––––––––

When Trunks turned his head to meet Goten's eyes, he had a faraway expression on his face. He looked vulnerable, like a lost child.

And then Trunks looked away, almost as if in shame.

Goten brought both of hands to guide Trunks' jaw and tilt his face to Goten, as if to remind him that he was never lost; he would always be found.

Trunks' eyes came to focus within Goten's, and he breathed heavily, suddenly feeling as if a magnetic weight were between them, pulling.

The pull was strong. Trunks felt himself lean in and brought his hands to Goten's back. Goten's hands guided Trunks' face to his lips, and they met in the middle.

They leaned into each other as they kissed in a balance of their energies and waving dominance.

Goten brought his hands down from Trunks' jaw to his upper shoulders, and he pushed Trunks backward and down, guiding him into the sofa as they kissed.

Trunks raked his hands along Goten's back with a desperation that Goten had not realized was there.

Trunks grasped Goten's shirt and bundled it in his fists as he lost himself in their kiss, and the world spun in every direction.

It was clouds, and electric, and strong hands on him that made Trunks' body pulse. There was love, and trust, and a true intimacy that ignited Trunks from the inside and he rose like effervescent bubbles into his mental clouds. Trunks panted as if he were finally able to breathe fresh air after a long time underwater.

They started on the couch, and then Trunks moved them to the bed, guiding Goten by the arm. He was much more ready there.

This time was different than their first time.

The first time, they had fumbled around and Trunks didn't know what he was doing.

This time, Trunks knew everything .

He showed Goten moves and intimacy that Goten had never anticipated. Goten had never known anything like it.

Goten's body and mind were lost to his own cloud as Trunks showed Goten exactly what it was to be a hot, steamy lover.

Their breaths rasped and their hands clasped and grabbed and clawed at each other as they were lost to each other.

Goten's eyes rolled as through the fog, he wondered why he was doing this with Trunks.

Trunks moaned and gyrated into him, encompassing him. And Goten, in his arms, was filled with every ounce of Trunks' love, which ran deep for Goten, and was real, and true.

––––––––

Afterward, Trunks lay beside him on Gotens' right side, and they both caught their breath. Trunks turned to lie on his side to face Goten, and brought his right hand up to gently stroke Goten's arm.

The way that Trunks was touching Goten was tender, and loving.

It confused Goten.

Goten had only had sex twice, both with Trunks.

He never felt an urge to take any other date to bed. His mind honestly rarely even went to sex.

The only reason Goten even thought of sex with Trunks is because he knew that physical touch was a communication tool for Trunks - a place where Trunks could express the feelings that would whirl in his head, and then he'd be all better afterward.

Last time, the sex had been enough for Trunks to communicate what he felt. But this time, Trunks was doing something new - he was cuddling afterward, stroking his arm.

Goten wasn't sure what this meant, or what to think about that.

Goten knew that Trunks roughhoused and wrestled with Goten as his way of showing love, partly due to his nature, but also greatly from nurture. When he interacted with Goten, Trunks had never held back before.

But he also hadn't ever… done gay stuff before… except that one time… and now… again…

And Goten didn't care what Trunks was, if he was gay or not, or anything like that…

… It was just that… this time, it felt different.

This time felt like Trunks was keeping a secret from him.

The first time they were together, Trunks had been with Goten in a way that expressed pure love and appreciation.

This time, though… Trunks had been lustful and almost desperate with Goten as he showcased his skills.

It was just different. And it didn't feel as pure for some reason.

Goten couldn't place it, but it felt a little… wrong… this time.

Trunks' touch was affected by whatever was haunting him. Goten felt as they were making love as if Trunks had a huge mental block. He wasn't able to… fully connect his heart. Trunks only put blocks up when he disassociated from pain.

Goten couldn't identify what kind of pain Trunks could be facing right now in his life. But whatever it was, Trunks wasn't acting like himself.

Something really, really big was affecting him, and Trunks wasn't coming clean to Goten, and Goten couldn't understand what it could be.

All Goten knew was that he wanted to protect Trunks however he could. He always felt that way, ever since he was a little kid. And now that he was able to read Trunks on a more intimate level, his protective nature only kicked in more.

––––––––

When Goten crawled out of the bed. This time he was the one moaning "Ow."

"Aaahh," Goten leaned against the wall for support, "Fuck."

"That's with lube, so you can imagine what I went through last time," Trunks put on his shirt.

"Gods, fuuuck," Goten turned to Trunks, "Just to remind you - I'm not gay."

"I'm not gay either," Trunks stood up to put his white briefs on.

"Yeah well," Goten put on his own green and yellow shirt, still feeling an inkling of confusion, but not one to hold in any questions, "Why are we still doing gay stuff?"

"Are you kidding me?" Trunks stopped and tensed, watching Goten, "That wasn't gay stuff."

Goten frowned at him, "What?"

"That," Trunks pointed to the bed, and his face flushed red as if he were rising in anger, "wasn't gay."

Goten's eyes widened. He couldn't help but utter another, "Huh?"

Goten's eyes were as big as lightbulbs as it dawned on him what Trunks' massive wall had been - the secret that Trunks wasn't able to bring to the surface - the truth that Trunks had been holding back from Goten.

It suddenly made so much sense.

Goten's breaths quickened.

He realized everything at once.

No wonder Trunks couldn't find the right girl...

––––––––

After they got dressed, Trunks suggested lunch, and Goten stopped him and said the topic of food was part of Goten's second big announcement.

They went to the kitchen that had an attached breakfast room.

Goten could see that Trunks' demeanor was much lighter and jovial, as if the weight of whatever darkened his morning mood had dissipated like clouds parting for a sunny day. Trunks' smiles were authentic, and his demeanor carried less burden.

What Goten had done with Trunks in their increasingly complicated relationship was something that Goten determined was overall a good thing. Trunks appeared mentally healthier. That's what made Goten happy to see. He would do whatever it took to see Trunks' genuine smile.

––––––––

And Trunks was all smiles when Goten uncapsulized an entire dim sum breakfast set on the coffee table. It even came with a bottle of homemade cold brew coffee.

Trunks was flabbergasted at the display.

"What's all of this for?!" Trunks looked around like a ravenous child in a room full of sweets, "Did I miss a birthday or something?!"

Goten laughed, "No." He gestured to the food, "It's to celebrate."

Then, Goten took a folded piece of paper out from his brown bookbag, and handed it to Trunks.

Trunks unfolded it, and his eyes widened as he realized what it was.

Trunks looked to Goten, and then to the paper, and then to Goten again.

His energy and joy, and outlook on everything in the entire world shifted from darkness to light. A lighthouse beaconed in the distance, and Trunks felt the wind pick back up in his sails.

There was hope again. There was light at the end of the storm.

Goten was coming back into his life.

Goten got accepted into Orange Star University.

––––––––

After Goten left, Trunks immediately texted Havana his calculation of the balance left for the medical bill, and gave a timeline and an announcement that after August, he would have paid it off, and that would be the end of it.

Next school year was going to be a new, fresh start. Now that he'd have Goten, this time he would do it right.

He was going to pay off that bill, and surely that would be the end of Havana.

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–1/20/24–