He's staring at her...again.
It's what he has been doing since the day he met her . She came pacing by with her perfect body , beautiful face and commanding walk. And when he told her to come back in a week or she would be fired , she set him straight without hesitation. And damned if that wasn't the sexiest thing someone had ever said to him. He swallowed hard and watched her march out of the hospital doors. Seeing her incredible backside made him damn near loose his train of thought. He spoke back to his assistant who was trailing after him , taking notes . "I like her", he grinned, " if she comes back , let's keep her ".
When she came back she found him alone in one of the rooms, looking a bit forlorn. He told her how his sister had passed away in the very same room they were in now. And just like that there was a bond between them, an invisible pull that made them gratify towards each other time and time again.
It didn't surprise him ,that just like him ,she liked to seek out the rooftop ,to get away from all the noise and demands. That very first afternoon they found each other there ,they opened up to each other. How she dreamed of having a baby and how she might never get that wish. How he had a baby on the way , but how he and his wife where not on the best of terms because he choose his job over them.
Unsaid was how she was not the one. He had thought it at the time when he married her. And he was a man who always tried to do the right thing so he tried to save his marriage, even knowing they caused each other pain. How they didn't understand each other.
He glanced at Helen who was standing by his side and felt a peace come over him. Since the day she came back , he had felt nothing but peace in her presence.
He could never have the beautiful woman standing next to him ,but he couldn't help but wonder 'what if he had met her first'.
When she became his doctor and he saw the stubborn persistency, her frustration at him not being the best patient , he started seeing her on a deeper level. He let her see his weakness in his eyes , when his words told her otherwise. He knew she saw right through him.
He was scared and kept himself busy . Not only due to the cancer and his wife's health scare during her high risk pregnancy , but especially because she was on his mind more often than not. Not his wife. It was her he wanted to hold .
He smiled sadly and put his dreams away. Time to go home to his wife so he could try be there . He had to be a better husband and almost father.
He had to settle for friendship. He grimaced to himself. They were more than friends and they both knew it.
--
When his wife died after the ambulance crash , he was wrecked with guilt for the longest time. He had loved his wife ,but he had not been in love with her. Not for a long time and definitely not since he first met her.
Being a widower, a single dad to a newborn was his punishment. He never made a move after his grieving was finished , because every time he was close to kissing her, giving in to the feelings that where clear for both of them to see, he felt guilty that he hadn't deserved his wife when he had been dreaming of her.
When she escaped into another man's arms he wanted to break down and cry. He had lost his chance.
Only an idiot would ever be fool enough to not give her what she begged for in her eyes every time she looked at him. He was a fool indeed.
--
She was single! Her niece asked if he was the doctor she had been dating when he barged into her office like the whirlwind he was in her life.
Had been ?!?
He stammers about how they had not been dating (but god he wanted to ) , they where friends ( but god he didn't want to be her friend what so ever), they where close friends ( but he wanted to be her everything ), they spend a lot of time together ( he wanted to spend every day of his life devoted to loving her ).
He finally stopped and looked at her "When you say where... does that mean ..." He saw her embarrassment, her shyness and his mind run wild.
She booted him out her office.
--
He lost his nerve to kiss her on the rooftop. He was too nervous and she saved him from making a move : I'm really glad we are friends, she softly said.
--
He was trying to stop the tank from exploding and risk hundreds of patients lives. He was holding on desperately, no help coming his way no matter how he called out.
But then she found him and his heart sped up and a new angst got the best of him .
Not Helen! She couldn't die from exposure ! He argued for her to go away but she refused to leave him. She tried to tell him to get help , she would take over, but he had to tell her he couldn't see. He implored her to leave .
She yelled at him. She simply refused to leave without him and managed to stop the drain . She held him and dragged him away to saver grounds.
He didn't remember how she dragged him in the Decon shower , but he did remember hearing another say there was no cure. He was spared from seeing the absolute devastation and angst on her face.
He was probably going to die. She desperately undressed him and run the shower all over him. When he collapsed she held him against her, both exhausted on the floor.
Well, if he was going to die , at least it was in her arms. " I love you" , he thinks he might have said it out loud underneath all the water cascading down on them. She held his face close to her and he feels for her heartbeat. He feels a peace wash over him .
" Hang on..., I love you", she's crying.
He looses consciousness.
--
He feels her hand in his when he wakes. Before he even glances at her , he calls her name.
His mind is foggy and when she withdraws , it suddenly hits him. She loves him too. They said 'I love you ' but they were hidden by the shower . But he knows he told her and so did she.
"I'm sorry...sometimes it takes me a minute ...to remember ...what's most important ...you".
And finally he is ready to kiss her, to give into his feelings.
The phone interrupts them. The call chances the reality of his life. They can't do this now.
--
She's away in England and the not seeing her , not being in her proximity , makes him realize how deeply he truly loves her.
It's when he gets her voicemail that he can finally admit to her how he wants and needs to be with her, how he has been dreaming of them for so long.
When she leaves him a message that's she's been doing some fantasizing of her own , his heart soars.
--
He misplaces his wedding ring and he is again confronted by having loved Helen , having wanted her when he wasn't allowed to.
How he failed to give the one he married his best. The guilt eats at him and he stammers that he's glad to have found his ring again ( I don't deserve happiness when I never gave my wife happiness).
She walks away and he feels panicked. "Let me walk you home, we don't need to talk ( cause how can I tell you how guilty I feel for loving you all these years , when I was supposed to love my wife).
He walks her to her doorstep and lets her go gently. Caught up in his conflicting feelings.
But the further away from her house he gets , the more he realizes that he never cheated, he tried his best, he has punished himself long enough. He can't take the chance of never kissing her.
He turns around and starts running, he can't wait another second to get to her before he chickens out again...before a call interrupts them again...before...
She opened the door at his insistent knocking and he walks in with a purpose. Looking down at her, he waits once more.
This is it.
This is the moment he's going to kiss her. Her big brown eyes stare at him , part disbelief, part frustration and part hope.
They make their move at the same time and it's everything .
--
They make love with abandon, they don't even make it to her bed, desperately seeking each other out . Both a little in anguish that this is not real, maybe it's all a dream and they will wake up with a rude awakening.
The night is long and well spend. They take their time now and savor the closeness, the rightness of being together, of being intimate in all the ways that count. Finally he is letting his heart spill out and in it are promises for everything, for a future together.
She doesn't know how to tell him that she has excepted a job back home in England to be near her family...when home is what he offers her.
"I should never have let you in " , she says in anguish.