They didn't know how long they stood , desperately clinging to each other.

He wondered if she was holding him up , cause he didn't know up or down anymore. It didn't really matter, all that mattered was that he was in her arms. "I..I.. I can't... ..how can I help?" He finally looked at her , lost for words. He saw a small smile on her lips, while her tears had calmed down. She suddenly realized they were half in her doorway so she took his hand and softly urged him "Come in".

She led him to the couch and she tried to pry her hand out of his , but he clung to her... " Please don't go." She stroked his face , very close to his and said "I'm not, I just have to call work that I'm not able to come in this morning ." He nodded relieved while she grabbed her handbag that had fallen near the couch, took her cellphone out and made the short call. She sat back down next to him, her leg touching his without thinking about it. They had always had a pull towards each other and she suspected that would always remain. She loved this man so much and it's why it hurt so much to let him go. She didn't want to let him go. But loving him so deeply meant she wanted what was best for him so she hesitantly started:

Max, I ... hear me out okay ? He nodded silently so she continued: You deserve a partner who will be there for you. Who can give you and Luna what you need. A woman that's not broken. Luna deserves a woman who will be her mum in every way, who won't make mistakes with her ...who she can look up to... who won't make her uproot her whole life away from where her mother was from, where her family is... where you love to be. I have hurt you both too much by moving back to London...my stroke, I can't give her a sibling ... I mean ...with my fertility that's not looking great...I don't want to hold you both down. You deserve the world , both of you.

He was momentarily speechless. She had finished her speech and he saw that she believed what she said , he couldn't fathom how she thought so little of herself. He finally found words : Helen, everything you think me and Luna deserve is what you are. You are the most selfless person I know ...you are the best mom Luna could ever wish for... why do you think I'm so proud of you being her mum? She sees in you everything a woman can be : strong, kind, uplifting... gorgeous and the hottest woman I have ever seen. She gave a small sigh at that and he put his hands on her face : Baby, Luna and I both choose you, we will always choose you . We don't care where we live as long as it's with you. There is no way we could ever love someone else. If anything... I don't deserve you. I made you wait so long for me , I messed us up so many times before I finally dared to kiss you for the first time. Babe, I am fully committed to staying in London with you.

She bend her head to his and his lips found her forehead. His kiss was the most gentle , most loving feeling he could give her.

She asked him : How can I be Luna's mum when my own parents have never been role models for me ? Growing up without a father since my mom kicked him out, making me believe he left me... me never being good enough for my mother in anything I do and especially not in who I date ...how can I ever be a mum?

He was quiet for a moment and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest.

Her hand rested against his heart. It gave her a flashback of the decon shower when she thought he was dying and she had told him I love you for the first time. She remembered when he had told her cheekily "I love my doctor" when they worked on a clairvoyant patient in the snowstorm. Really, the first week they met he had already opened his heart to her when telling her he was in the room where his sister had died. They communicated so easily together , somehow they always made sense . So why was it so hard to get this right ? Them ? How could he not see that she didn't deserve him ? That's she was too damaged?

He repeated her question to her : How can you ever be a mum? Helen, how many times have you kissed Luna's tears away? How many times have you made her meals and stayed up with her at night when she was sick? How many times do you play with her, read to her and tell her things? How many times have you held her in your arms because she loves her mum? You are a mum in everything you do.

She looked at him : I can't give her a sibling, another baby for us ... you know the chances of me getting pregnant are so slim.

He looked tenderly at her : Baby , I would love to have a baby with you, another daughter or a son for us... but it's not everything...you are! I know you have always dreamed of having your own baby , but Luna is your daughter...I know it's not how you dreamed it but it doesn't matter how you became a mum, it's how you raise your child... and you are doing beautifully with Luna... I wish I could give you a biological child to ease your heartache, but I hope me and Luna can be enough for you... I know I'm messy ... I get distracted and I'm a little bit impulsive sometimes...

At that she laughed at him: Just a little .

He laughed with her: Okay, a lot, but it's always from the heart.

She interrupted him : Exactly! And you stayed far longer at New Amsterdam to fix it than I expected... I didn't mean for you to be gone a whole month ! And then you told me we would get married in New York instead of the castle! What happened to staying in London with me ?!

He looked perplexed: You told me to stay to fix the Fuentes mess...you told me to stay here... I thought you needed space, I know I kinda rushed things by moving to London for you... I'm sorry I just can't help it ... we were both so busy I thought it easiest to move with you...so I gave you the space you needed when you wanted me to stay behind.

She hang her head: I needed you , not space. After the surgery and the stroke I was scared . I mean, how can you still love me the same after all this mess? I'm broken.

Gently he lifted her chin with his hand so he looked her in the eyes. She was avoiding his gaze. "Look at me", he implored kindly. She took a shallow breath and found his blue eyes looking at her questioning.

Helen, I think you might have depression from the stroke and all... I think you lost sight of who you are. You have always known your worth so well and now ...baby you are still here, you just don't see it.

She wanted to answer him negatively but all that came out was a cry and the tears came out in earnest. He took her in his arms and held her close. Minutes went by before she was cried out.He was stroking her back and kissing the top of her hair.

He heard her say : I think you might be right ... He pulled back a bit, looking at her again and he simply said : So we will get help and I'm here for you. I'm always here for you baby. He kissed her beautiful lips and she felt tears coming again. Before she would loose it again she kissed him back urgently : Make me forget Max.

I will ,if you promise we will get you help. Between kisses she answered : Deal.

They kissed urgently , got swept away in their love for each other. It was as feverishly as their first time.

This was not the end ,but a new beginning.