Sins of the Father- chapter 6
Jonathan headed into his room and took out a notepad to jot down some thoughts about what he wanted to say at the funeral. Where should he even begin? He started by writing down some of his earliest memories. He didn't have many memories of the times when his parents were still married. He remembered them going to the zoo as a family, his dad taking him to the reptile section, while his mom waited outside. He could remember vividly his dad showing him all the different types of snakes, letting him know which were the poisonous ones. He laughed when he thought about how fearful his mother was the whole ride home when he and his dad talked non-stop about buying him his first snake.
He thought of a few more memories along the years- spending time with him when he and his mom tried to work on their marriage, when he became his dad's best man- puking on Heather and all, visiting him the few times over past summer vacations. He may not have had many memories, but the ones he did have were happy ones.
After writing and rewriting a few drafts, he felt confident he had put to paper what he needed. He put the draft aside, knowing his meticulous nature would have him reread it again later. He was just about to put everything away when he saw his dad's letter sticking out of his desk drawer. He slowly opened the drawer and pulled out the letter. He turned it over and over in his hands until finally opened the letter. His hands shook as he started to read the letter. Tears came streaming down his face as he read the entire letter. He finished reading it- reading and and rereading it again and again. Finally, he put the letter down next to what he had wrote and put everything in the drawer.
Later on that evening, the family came together for dinner. Tony made some of Jonathan's favorite dishes. The family engaged in their normal conversations about work, school and other family matters. At times, it felt like nothing was amiss, until Henry would cry or coo or something would remind them of the upcoming funeral. It was if something or someone poured cold water on the family, the silence deafening.
After dinner, Samantha and Hank headed back to their apartment and Mona headed out for her date. Tony, Angela and Jonathan headed into the living room and sat down with Henry. They turned on the television and attempted to watch some news. Henry, on the other hand, had other ideas, as he started to cry.
"Oh Henry… nothing is wrong with your lungs!" laughed Tony as he walked Henry around the living room.
"Maybe he's still hungry? Does he need a diaper change?" asked Angela as she stood up quickly, sitting right back down as she got dizzy. She put her hand to her head as she laid back against the pillows.
"Angela! Are you alright?" asked Tony as he sat down next to Angela, worry and panic in his voice.
"Yes I'm fine Tony, I just got up too fast. I don't think I'm used to being up so late at night, especially with an infant. Maybe I'll try and get some rest now so I can take over the night shift" she said as she slowly stood up. Tony handed a still fussy Henry to Jonathan as he helped Angela up the stairs.
"Okay kid it's just you and me. You're gonna have to help me out and give me an idea of what you want okay?" he said as he got up and walked him around the living room. He grabbed some of his toys and started to shake them in front of his face, temporarily quieting Henry.
"You want to play? Okay I can do that! How about I sit you up against the pillows and we play with some of these toys?" he said as he gently placed Henry up against the back sofa pillows and took some of his toys. Henry started to giggle as Jonathan made silly faces and played with the toys. He surprised himself that he actually enjoyed spending time with his brother. After a while, Henry started to fuss again. Luckily, Tony came down the stairs just as his fussing turned into real cries.
"Okay Henry you need a diaper change and another bottle. Maybe we can even get you to bed afterwards for at least a few hours, give us old people some rest!" he chuckled.
"How's Mom feeling?" asked Jonathan.
"She's okay. I think she's just a bit rundown. She's been fighting a cold for about a week now and the not sleeping so well last night didn't help. I'm going to try and take most of the night shift to let her sleep. She's lying down now so I'm hoping this guy follows suit!" said Tony as he started changing his diaper. Jonathan looked on, taking some mental notes on what Tony was doing, but not quite ready to offer his help. He put him into a onesie pajama set.
Once he was finished, he handed Henry back to Jonathan and went to make him his bottle. He came out a few minutes later with the bottle and put his arms out to take back Henry.
"Tony… I've got this. You go upstairs and sleep a bit too. If I need you, I know where to look!" he chuckled as he took the bottle from Tony.
"Who am I to argue? If you need anything, just come and get us. Thank you Jonathan" he said with a yawn as he made his way upstairs.
"Okay kid… it's just you and I again. I'm really new at this so go easy on me! I know you have to be burped after your bottle, maybe before? Oh we will find out I guess!" he said as he watched Henry drink his bottle, staring intently back up at Jonathan. After finishing his bottle and surprising both of them with two loud burps, Jonathan settled Henry in his arms. The baby's eyes were at half mast and soon he was asleep in his arms.
"You know Henry… the next two days are going to be a lot. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the funeral. You've probably had more time with Dad these past two months than I have had in the past few years. It's not fair to either of us, but at least we have each other. I think you're gonna like it here. Mom and Tony will take really good care of you and once I start to get the hang of this, I will too. Sam can be obnoxious and annoying, but when push comes to shove, she's the best big sister. Hank's pretty cool too. And you'll get used to Grandma, I promise! Just don't call her grandma too often and things will be just fine!" he said in a whisper as to not wake Henry.
He carefully put him back in his bassinet and pulled a blanket over himself. It was too early for his own normal bedtime, but he was actually feeling tired. He turned off the lights and laid down on the sofa. Soon, he too was asleep.
The next morning, the family spent the day getting the last minute errands and preparations done for the funeral. Henry slept until 2am, which shocked the entire household. Tony and Angela took over for Jonathan and managed to get him settled again after a change and feeding. Later in the day, Tony and Jonathan went back to pick up their suits. They also went and bought refreshments for the mourners after the service. Angela and Samantha went shopping for their own dresses and an outfit for Henry. Finally, by the end of the day, they were as ready as they could possibly be for tomorrow. They said goodnight and headed up to their bedrooms, each dreading what they knew the next day would bring for each of them.
Tony was up and ready early the next morning. Henry had actually slept well the night before, only getting up once for a change and feed and then going back to sleep until 6am. He got Henry up, letting Angela sleep a bit longer. He headed down the stairs to get a bottle ready for Henry, walking through the swinging doors to the kitchen. He was surprised to see Jonathan sitting at the table, all dressed and drinking a cup of coffee.
"Morning Jonathan! You're up early! Any chance you can take his little guy while I make his bottle?" asked Tony.
"Sure, give him to me" said Jonathan as Tony passed Henry over to him. Tony made his bottle and handed it to Jonathan along with a burp cloth. Tony poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down next to Jonathan.
"You ready for today? I mean as ready as you can be" asked Tony.
"I guess so. I have what I'm going to say, just not sure I'll be able to say it when it's my turn. Did you speak at your parents' funerals?" asked Jonathan.
"I was really young when my Mom died, so I didn't speak then but I did manage to speak at my Dad's funeral. I had to stop a few times because it was really hard and I had to compose myself- if that happens today Jonathan, that's okay. You take your time. Your dad would be so proud of you for how well you're doing with all of this… I know your Mom and I are, we always have been" said Tony.
"Thanks Tony. I've got a few more things to do before we leave. Could you take Henry and finish feeding him?" he asked as he passed his brother back to Tony and headed out the kitchen door, just as Angela walked through the door.
"Morning my sweethearts! How's he doing Tony?" she asked as she motioned to Jonathan who was already in the other room.
"I think he's okay, all things considering. He's definitely nervous about speaking today. I don't blame him, heck I'm nervous and I'm just welcoming everyone" said Tony.
"I hope for Jonathan's sake it's more than just us that show up. It will break his heart if it's just us" she said as she wiped some tears from her eyes.
"I know Angela but we can't do anything about that now. How are you feeling? I was really worried about you yesterday. I think once this is all over, you need to make an appointment with your doctor" said Tony.
"I'm still not 100%. I think it's just all the running around and the emotional rollercoaster we've all been on… not to mention taking care of this little cutie. If I'm still not feeling better by next week, I'll call my doctor okay?" she said as she took Henry from Tony and finished feeding him. Tony made them a quick breakfast and then finished cleaning up the kitchen before they both headed back upstairs to get ready.
The family met in the living room, getting together everything they needed for the funeral as well as for Henry. Samantha and Mona helped Angela get all of Henry's things together, while Hank and Tony started the cars. Jonathan was the last one to come down the stairs, his speech and his Dad's letter in his hands. The family finally made it out the door and headed to the funeral home.
The family walked into the funeral home, the familiar and overpowering smell of flowers permeating the air. The director met the family and escorted them to the room. They had agreed that they would have open caskets for the immediate family and then once the service started, the caskets would be closed.
Jonathan was frozen in place as he saw the caskets. Tears sprung to his eyes and he couldn't look anywhere else but at his father lying in the open casket. Mona and Samantha came to his sides and put their arms around him. He was able to snap out of his frozen state and made his way to the front of the room. The family allowed him some space to pay his respects. He stood there for a few moments, looking back and forth between his father and Heather. Finally, wiping tears from his eyes, he took a seat.
Mona, Samantha and Hank went up next and paid their respects before taking their seats behind Jonathan. Angela handed Henry to Samantha and went up with Tony. She was a mixture of emotions. While she no longer had any romantic feelings or even love for Michael, she still cared about him and her heart broke for her son. Tears she had been trying to hold back, could no longer be contained and she began to cry. Tony put his arm around her and helped her back to her seat.
Soon, people were starting to come into the room. Mrs. Rossini, Al and a bunch of Tony's friends from Brooklyn came into the room and paid their respects. Angela's employees were the next group to come in, followed by Angela's friends Wendy and Isabelle. Some of Tony's coworkers from work came in as well. Some of Jonathan's friends, teachers and Joe and Fran made their way inside. Michael's coworkers from the Manhattan office were the last group to come in and pay their respects. By the time everyone was seated, the room was almost filled, bring tears to Jonathan's eyes.
The Reverend came to the front to start the service. He welcomed everyone and invited Tony up to speak on the family's behalf. He came up to the front and looked out at the crowd before speaking.
"Thank you for coming today to help us say goodbye to Michael and Heather as well as supporting our sons, Jonathan and Henry. This has been a very difficult time for our family, but we are so very thankful for all of your love and support as we get through this very difficult time. Thank you" said Tony as he sat down next to Angela.
The Reverend came back up to the front and continued the service. Towards the end of the service, he called up Jonathan to speak. He took a couple of quick, deep breaths and made his way to the front. He looked at the now closed caskets and then scanned the crowd before beginning his speech.
"Thank you all for coming today to pay your respects to my stepmother Heather and my… our father Michael. On behalf of Henry and I, and our family, I thank you for coming. I… I wrote this speech for today. It talked about all the memories I had with my dad- going to the zoo to foster my love of animals, being his best man at their wedding, spending summers with him and Heather in California. I think I'd rather read to you all a letter my Dad wrote to me, not too long ago, that I wasn't supposed to read for… a while."
"Dear Jonathan,
This is the hardest letter I will ever have to write, because it means I'm not here for you and Henry. I am hoping you are reading this years and years from now, when you are settled with a family of your own. I know I haven't always been there for you growing up and out of all the regrets I have in my life, that is by far the worst. I missed out on so much of your childhood, but the memories I do have, I have cherished. As much as I have missed out, I know you have always been in great hands with your Mom and Tony. They could give you all the things I wanted to, but couldn't. I am hoping with Henry, I have the chance to learn from my mistakes. And I'm hoping with this move back to California with Heather and Henry, it won't be too late for us too.
It's never easy to think and plan for a time where you aren't around for those you love. You can only hope and pray that you have done the best you can with what you have at the time and hope those around you know that too. I can't wait for you to meet your brother Henry. He reminds me so much of you as a baby. I hope the two of you become the best of friends, always being there for one another and most of all, know how much I love you both.
Love,
Dad"
There wasn't a dry eye in the room when Jonathan looked up at the crowded room. He folded up the letter and walked back to his seat. The family all gave him a hug or and gentle pat on the back. He took Henry from Angela and placed him on his lap. The Reverend took his place back up at the front and concluded the service. The family stood up to say their final goodbyes and then took their place in the receiving line. They thanked all the mourners and headed back outside to the cars. They followed the hearses in processional line to the cemetery.
Once they arrived at the cemetery, they parked their cars and walked the short distance to the gravesites. Tony, Angela, Jonathan, Henry, Mona, Samantha and Hank all surrounded the gravesites. Their friends and family stood behind them as the Reverend gave a short graveside service.
"Thank you all for coming to support the Bower-Micelli families. They greatly appreciated you all coming today. Some light refreshments will be served at the Bower-Micelli home for those of you who are able to attend. Thank you" he concluded as he and the mourners began to walk away. The family members stayed behind as they lowered the coffins into the ground. The family took a few steps back as Jonathan, who was holding Henry, stayed by the gravesites.
"So Henry, this is it. It's just you and I from now on… well Mom and Tony and everyone. Dad wanted us to be best friends… I'm not sure how I become best friends with a two month old, but I will definitely try. He may not have been the best father, but he was ours…" he said as he turned and walked back to the family.
Six months later...
The cars pulled up to the cemetery on a beautiful spring day. It was the day of Michael and Heather's gravestone unveiling. They decided that it was just to be the seven of them, no other family or friends. Tony, Angela, Jonathan and Henry were in one car, while Mona, Samantha and Hank were in another. The manager of the cemetery was waiting next to the gravesites, both gravestones covered with blankets. Mona, Samantha and Hank got out of the car and headed towards the other car, where Jonathan was taking Henry out of the car seat. Tony went around to the front passenger side door and helped a very pregnant Angela out of the car. They all walked towards the gravesites.
"Maaaaawaaamma" yelled Henry as he reached for Angela. She laughed at the sight of Henry trying to leap out of Jonathan's arms and went to grab him. He snuggled into her side, as much as her eight month belly would allow.
"Angela! You're not supposed to be lifting anything heavy, which as of his eight month check up was a whopping twenty-one pounds! What are we feeding him?" laughed Tony as he tried in vain to take Henry from Angela. He had grabbed a folding chair out of the car for Angela to sit once they got to the graves.
"It's fine Tony. I've got six weeks left until this little guy gets bumped out of the youngest child spot in the family and this new little boy takes his place. Can you imagine two under one?" said Angela as she readjusted Henry on her hip.
"We thought we had no sleep now… just wait!" said Tony as he rubbed her belly. They all got to the gravesite and stood while Angela and Henry sat. Jonathan had made him a bottle in the car and handed it to Henry as he greedily took it into his mouth.
"Thank you all for coming today for the unveiling of Michael and Heather Bower's gravestones. Jonathan asked to say a few words before the unveiling. Jonathan?" asked the manager. Jonathan walked over to the gravestones and turned to his family.
"Thank you all for joining me today for my Dad and Heather's unveiling. I couldn't have gotten through the past six months without all of your love and support. For that, I will be forever grateful" said Jonathan. He turned to the graves and helped the manager pull off the blankets. The stones were identical light grey marble stone with their names engraved. Heather's stone had loving wife, mother and stepmother on it while Michael's had loving husband and father. He went to Angela and picked Henry back up, walking him back over to the gravestones.
"See Henry… this is where your mom and our dad are now. We made these stones so that people will know who they were… but don't worry, I'll make sure you know all about them. They loved you very much Henry… they loved us both…" he said as he turned and walked back to the cars with their family.
The end