Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day
Bill Withers
Edward
Bella's new life was more than I'd ever imagined.
She loved it; the excitement and joy writ across her face as clear as anything.
My relief was crushing.
I'd despaired after she'd lost her grip on her reality during her transformation. But Bella had known this was right for her and at every turn she showed me just how right it was.
Her intoxicating scent had only changed to an accent of her prior one, as I'd known it would. The singing had sunk into a melody, light and bright, with the vaguest hint of a sweetness that was still only detectable to me—that had been unexpected.
The tiniest part of me that wondered whether Bella's thoughts would become accessible when she was changed had been answered. Both Jasper and Alice had surprised themselves with how much it unsettled them to no longer have their talent around Bella any more. Jasper had no impact at all, and Alice couldn't follow her future down our paths, not even mine.
As much as it unnerved Alice, I was glad that her final visions of Bella had been those of her utter happiness. Alice and I would have to be careful as we moved forward; we were so used to being able to rely on my and Alice's talents to keep our family safe and content and Bella would be a blank spot. I'd learnt Bella so well that I didn't need her thoughts anymore, and now it was Alice's turn, completely blind to her for the first time. But we were both anxious to have Bella be out of hearing range. We'd have no warning if something was to happen … Alice and I relied on the wisdom of the others about how they coped with having these invading worries.
Bella dedicated almost every hour to practicing. She got confused a lot but was quickly soothed out of it, readily accepting our explanations and instructions. She was determined to acquire every new skill we put to her, which led to her temper. Extreme surges of petulance and irritation had not been usual for Bella when she was human and I watched her bewilderment and remorse after every snap of it she directed at us. More at the others than me, which they found amusing, though they worked to not show it at the moment. Bella loved to tease and be teased but sometimes it went the wrong way now that her emotions were raw and strong and she had less control of them. I had recounted her memories and the emotions she'd tied to them, but there were so many more I didn't have, which meant words and her thoughts occasionally sparked something different than what we were anticipating.
"Don't let me talk to her," Bella said to me, a dent of worry between her brow. "I'll say something wrong."
"You'll be fine."
"I'll upset her," Bella insisted. "You said humans don't know about this."
"You're doing really well, my heart. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are." Every setback was still monumental to her and during her bad streaks she refused to listen when we pointed out her progress.
"You're trying to make me feel better."
"I'm not. You are doing well."
"Will you explain it to her again? If I do something wrong?" she hedged, anxiously frozen. She'd told Leah a bit of what to expect before her transformation, and she wanted to see Leah, but was nervous. She was also very much in the anxiety she associated with her cell phone; she made no attempt to touch it, was barely able to look at it, and asked me send the text she'd wanted to Leah.
"Of course. But I won't need to."
"Leah's never met you," Bella observed, distracted and in her memories.
"No, not yet."
Bella didn't continue our conversation, flittering down whatever path her mind had taken her down, one of the few things I couldn't follow. I knew a bit about her and Leah's friendship but not enough to know what was distracting Bella at the moment.
… if she'll be really different. Jake'll do his nut when he finds out I visited her. How many times does one idiot need to hear the word 'no' before he gets it? I can't believe he's still hung up on it. As if we haven't all known for ages that Bella would be a vampire one day. The thoughts of two other werewolves were present as well, monitoring and curious for the change in Bella, but none of the three were apprehensive.
"She's almost here."
Bella jolted out of her reverie. I kissed her fingers. "Ready?"
She nodded. She did well at the door but lost her nerve when it came time to walk the three steps down to the drive and jumped instead of risking it.
Wow, that was weird. Why is she so rigid? Those other newborns didn't look like that.
Bella's face lit up as she appraised the grey wolf, immediately relaxing. "Hi. I'm glad you're here. Edward said you've never met before."
Bella introduced us but then got distracted by the waft of dust; the gravel under her feet having disintegrated with her landing, though she pulled herself out of her glumness quickly and Leah didn't notice it.
"A bit slower," I told Bella. She'd spoken quickly in her excitement.
That's okay, I got most of it.
Leah took note of the strong grip I had on Bella's hand and phased. I'd cautioned Bella that this would be startling for her and she was ready, keeping her attention together well. She took in the distance between herself and Leah and this flared her instinct, glossing over her happiness at recognising a friend, and I quickly brushed my fingers over her throat. Bella backed into my embrace, wanting the safety.
"Damn, it's strange to hear you snarling," Leah laughed, which draw Bella's attention back and she giggled as well. "I hope you've been enjoying it."
"Very much. A bit confusing but good. I keep getting distracted though. I'm trying to focus. You've changed. Your hair is an inch longer. And—"
I smoothed Bella's throat again, stopping her from finishing her baffled observation; confused by seeing a deviation from her memory. Leah would likely be offended by Bella's pronouncements, unable to appreciate the minute changes that happened to the human body every day. Bella's shock made her blurt it out.
"Is that a human rule?" she asked me.
"Yes."
"Sorry," she told Leah.
Leah grinned. "When you told me you'd be confused I didn't realise it'd be so obvious."
"Her mind is faster and still filling in gaps," I explained.
"I'm learning human things again," Bella assured her. "And how to touch things without breaking them. Sorry; I'm saying things out loud so they can help with my feelings but I know you guys don't do that normally. Are you going back to college in the fall?"
She wasn't kidding when she said her thoughts would be going a million miles an hour. "Yeah. Are you?"
"Oh, no, not until next fall. But I've got lots of textbooks to prepare with. How is everyone?"
Leah told her various bits of news from La Push, Bella concentrating intently. Bella remembered many anecdotes and so could contribute to the conversation nearly seamlessly, pleasing her. The tempo of Leah's speech also helped her modulate her own and she had it down pat in a few moments, even in her eagerness.
There was one person absent from the recount.
"How's Jake? I didn't message him, I know he wouldn't like it," Bella said.
"No, he's not ready." I actually have a warning. Probably not, but he's been thinking about it still. He's been trying not to when he's around us but sometimes he plans to come here. He wants a fight; he's angry. His parents told him to leave it be, and we tell him as well but I think … just be wary.
"Thank you. I'll be aware."
Bella's grip was sharper in her anxiety. "You said he wouldn't come here looking for you."
"I don't think he will. Leah was just telling me to be cautious."
"I hope he's not upsetting you all," Bella told Leah, her lips pulling back over her teeth as she traced her own former aggravation.
Leah fought not to flinch. That was worse; how was that more threatening? She's going to be lethal with her shield. Oh! Don't tell her I freaked out! "He's just being annoying, that's not unusual."
Bella laughed, humour and aggravation together, and Leah did flinch visibly then.
"Sorry," she grimaced. "I'm still getting used to it. It doesn't bother me, honest."
Bella couldn't answer, her attention divided. But I knew there was another sentiment she wanted to express to Leah once more.
"I heard about your mother," I told her quietly. "You have my condolences."
Leah gave a small smile. "Thank you. We're okay. Or better, I guess." The last of this was addressed to Bella as well, who had snapped her gaze to her with a note of mournfulness.
"I'm glad," she whispered. She took a few slow steps closer to Leah, her hand raised. Leah smiled her consensus.
I moved closer as well and uncurled Bella's hand, hovering the tips of my fingers over her fingernails so I could feel if the tension in her movement changed. She was only irritated by her difficulties right now but she'd become very distressed if she broke Leah's hand—Bella had yet to feel intense regret.
Bella touched her fingers to Leah's skin carefully, levelling them in the same way we did when we soothed her. Both she and Leah were disturbed by the contact for different reasons but neither reacted outwardly.
"There. I did it! I'll be back to normal again, you'll see—"
Bella's voice cut off and she froze. I shook her gently but she didn't respond.
"I'm sorry, Leah; it's a bit much now. Another time."
I didn't want for her answer. I pulled Bella into the house quickly and then frantically dug my fingers against her scalp. "I'm right here."
She was sobbing, curling into me and inhaling my scent, remembering Leah's loss, and deep in hers as well. "You can't leave."
"I'm not going anywhere," I promised, trying to fight the pain in my own chest.
When I'd recounted the most agonising part of our history to her, Bella had become distraught as I did—I couldn't quite speak my hours with her death, the memories fractured and disjointed. There hadn't been anything but sorrow for her this time; the anger at me, at us, not strong enough to permeate her grief.
Bella lifted her head off my chest, her face despondent. "How are we supposed to do different things later? I can't even remember it without losing it. It feels just as it did, as if it's happening again."
"We'll work on it. And it won't be for a while."
"Alice said you and I were going to med school together. You can't do that just for me."
"I wanted to go back before. Before I met you."
That quietened her some and she nodded, more appeased.
"But it still feels terrible to be away from you. It makes me scared."
"Some of that is because you're young. You only want familiarity right now. You'll be less scared as you practice venturing out more."
She made a face. "I don't want to go anywhere."
"Not to the Rockies? Hay-on-Wye? Dunsinane?"
Bella smiled as I drew her further from her melancholy. "Maybe. One day. We should probably start with Seattle first. Or just the six miles outside of our front door."
"You did well at the beach. And in the mountains."
"I was with you."
"I won't leave you," I vowed.
Emmett flicked the TV on, figuring Bella wouldn't mind learning something else new. So far they'd only watched it while we'd been out hunting.
Bella stilled, confused, more of her memories overlapping and not quite matching.
"Just focus your eyes on the centre and then work your way out," Emmett advised. "The picture'll pop into place once you do it often enough."
"What are the boxes?"
"Pixels."
Bella's eyes darted about the screen at the colours, too stressed to try to do what Emmett suggested.
"Gently, darling—oh. Never mind." Esme frowned sympathetically when Bella tried to turn the TV off and crushed the remote in her panic.
Bella opened her fist slowly and the pieces clattered to the ground. "Sorry," she whispered.
Her panic eased as she settled her gaze on Esme's face, something her eyes didn't skitter about on; she had backpedalled into watching the microscopics of everything. "You'll have to start a tab. I'll need to write you a giant cheque after all this."
"Please, you'll never beat my score," Emmett laughed. "Basically every paycheque I had in the early months of my first job was paying everyone back."
A few days later, Bella picked happily through her makeup bag, pleased she'd yet to smash anything. After the incident with the remote, and a picture frame she'd damaged later, she was even more determined; spending these last days stacking and re-stacking everything that had been on the metal tray, and handling branches and pebbles while outside without destroying them.
She was sitting on the floor—still not confident to sit on the sofa with its stranger rigidity level—but had lined up the products onto the coffee table without breaking either them or the table; the first time she'd moved away from the tray. Emmett's comment about owing us money had troubled her, even though he'd pointed out he'd been kidding, and hadn't been pacified by our insistence that it didn't matter.
She repeated her exercise a few times over, occasionally flicking her eyes to the TV. Rosalie had put on a movie she'd liked before and the dialogue stirred a memory so Bella was more relaxed than earlier.
"This doesn't work," she observed to me, fiddling with a bottle of nail polish.
"No, it won't stick for long," I replied, smiling apologetically.
"Oh, ew, it stinks." She had succeeded in unscrewing the top but immediately closed it, disliking the sudden increase in its odour. "This one isn't so bad." She smeared a line of foundation into her forearm, becoming amused at the colour disparity and the fact it wouldn't blend in properly. Alice brought her a towel but Bella didn't take it.
"Can you bring me one of mine?"
"It's fine, Bella."
"I don't want to ruin anyone's things. I've broken too much."
"Three things is not too much. Just take it."
Bella was arguing with herself; she took the towel but bared her teeth at Alice as well, unsure how to display the small annoyance she was experiencing in a more muted way. She caught sight of Jasper's fierce glare and immediately ducked into the gap of my legs to feel more sheltered.
"Don't upset her," I retorted, pulling Bella closer to me. He and I had been butting heads recently, Bella's imperviousness to his projections was making him agitated; flared as Bella and Alice interacted tetchily.
"Sorry," Bella whispered to Alice. "I didn't mean it like that."
"I know. Jasper, I am watching; I know you're worried but it's okay."
"There's no telling what'll happen if Bella loses control—"
"I won't—"
"Alice can't see that, can she—"
"Everyone. Take it down a notch."
Carlisle's disproving voice in his office made us all fall silent, though Jasper peevishly shunted his exasperation and apprehension at me.
She's not likely to hurt you, is she? I won't have Alice in danger.
I answered with a silent snarl of my own. Jasper was the only one having this problem. Bella's focus was growing steadily and she hadn't had any issues of true anger; unlike Jasper's newborn phase, not to mention later.
He felt my accusation but wasn't ready to apologise.
Rosalie grinned and started pulling up memories at random, irritating Jasper even more as he felt the barrage of emotions. He pulled at the humour and pitched it back, making Rosalie burst out laughing.
"Is it your goal to piss off everyone?" Emmett snapped at him. "Leave her alone."
Bella leant her head against my knee but she was soothed, smiling at the sibling banter. I carded my fingers through her hair anyway, twisting the strands into braids. My playing with her hair used to make her relax when she couldn't sleep and now she droned serenely. Her first night, I'd abruptly stopped my recitation, having a moment of thinking she'd been awake for too long; and I occasionally still touched her with the same pressure as before. She didn't mind but I was annoyed with myself—the inconsistencies on my part would make it difficult for her learnings.
I followed her scent to our bedroom and found her staring down her bracelet and ring that was sitting on her bedside table. She'd taken off her jewellery the night before her transformation, not wanting to risk breaking them, and they and her clothes had become her new goals; the more delicate things.
She had a string of paperclips bent into likenesses to practice with and the broken attempts were scattered on the floor.
"And you thought cleaning up after me was finished," she said when I'd picked up the pieces.
We'd had the same tiff when I caught her scrubbing the kitchen earlier, wanting it spotless now we didn't use it anymore. "You're allowed to make a mess."
This had bothered her a bit when she was human but was more magnified now she could move at the same speed as me and also didn't get tired. Reading between the lines, this was an issue left over from Renée; and probably Charlie, who hadn't had one thought about the cleanliness of his house during the time I'd known him. Bella didn't like disorder and didn't like that she was causing it; a manifestation of a chaotic childhood. All this lack of independence distressed her, compounded further when I'd abandoned her.
Bella brought my hand to her cheek and smiled when I stroked her temple. I pulled her down to lay across me on the bed, kissing her deeply. Bella's desire was stoked quickly; she was soon pressing herself eagerly along my body, our legs tangled together.
"Is it later?" she asked, smiling.
"Take off my jeans and we'll see," I replied, rolling her to the mattress and mouthing her nipples through the fabric of her blouse. Her shape was soft, moulding to mine.
Bella grumbled playfully and started cautiously on my buttons but soon stopped, wanting to concentrate on the feel of my tongue on her skin. "You're distracting me."
"You're observant."
"You undress me all the time," she pointed out. "You can do it now."
"It's more fun this way."
"If I shred all our clothes we'll have to walk around naked."
"If you want to incur Alice's ire that's your business."
Bella laughed and captured my mouth in a kiss, beautiful and warm. After a few minutes, I drew away so she could breathe and Bella smiled at my error.
"You never used to kiss me like that," she said softly. "Not right at the beginning anyway."
"I'm so used to having your body be fragile. That'll take me some time."
"Can we start from the beginning? I don't want to lose a single memory. I want you to recreate all of them."
I pressed my lips to her forehead, inhaling her addictive scent. "That sounds wonderful," I agreed. "We'll find the right time. When you're ready."
"Thank you. Can we hunt?"
I swiped my tongue over her throat, wishing I could cool the burn that way, then pulled her to her feet. I went to straighten her blouse but she did it herself, beaming at me. She was also able to flit downstairs and open the front door, her confidence pleasing us both.
Deer was her favourite so far but we hadn't travelled to more varied game. Bella's circle of comfort remained firmly within our territory and she didn't wish to explore further yet despite our conversation. A vague panic of encountering others was still very much present. Ever since the sunlight, she often asked me if I could hear the thoughts of any vampires, sometimes fixating on it to the point where I couldn't get her to pay attention to other things. The sunlight, her glowing skin, had been something we had to show her, even knowing it would cause her territorial instincts to flicker. Bella's instinctual fear of Leah and of Jasper was something that bothered her greatly; reflex and logic warring. Another reason I was pissed Jasper kept needling her.
Bella was thirsty enough to drain a badger and a beaver after her deer, and curious enough to try the same with a steelhead. She drank the blood but with such a funny look of disgust that I laughed.
"It was slimy! And peppery! I can't believe you let me do that."
"Try the salmon. It's subtler."
"Nope," she announced when she'd had one. "Cross those off the list. Yuck."
She nipped after some rabbits for a better flavour, laughing. The spring day was overcast and static; hardly a single breeze, and Bella liked that she didn't have to worry about any far off human scent today. I knew this was going to be more of a struggle for her when it came time to stretch herself further. She wanted the blood very much and hadn't quite gotten into viewing them compassionately—it was my potential distress that she obsessed over. Leah had been a clear friend so there was emotion tied to her; Bella had no emotion about anonymous humans.
After I'd caught a few deer of my own, I turned back to Bella to see she was drifting waist-deep in a patch of wildflowers, collecting some into a bundle, wanting to take them home with her. She did very well, only squishing a few of them. Bees tumbled about and she followed their flights with the fingertips of her free hand, delighted. Her enthusiasm was infectious and I laughed along with her. Just as before, Bella brought a wonderful light to the things I saw every day.
"What's that?" she asked confusedly, pausing before picking a stalk of camas.
"Moles."
She put her hand into the dirt and pulled one of them out of the burrow. She could hear the rest scurrying away and giggled. "Do these taste nice?"
"No, they're very bitter. And you'd have to eat a lot."
Bella let it go and it fled into the ground again. "There's so many animals I missed when I walked around here before. I probably should've been more scared than I was. I saw a bear once."
"Given that you were looking for Victoria a bear was the least of your worries."
She was amused until she realised I was being sarcastic. "You think I'd have gone looking for a murderous vampire? I knew she didn't want to kill me."
"She almost did."
"I made her panic, I think she was just trying to get away."
"She never came back. She probably thought …"
"Or she didn't have anything left to say to me. She didn't like me to begin with."
"Did you fall in?" Emmett joked when we returned and he saw her clothes were wrinkled with dried water from the river.
Bella snapped her teeth at him, laughing. "No. Do you like the fish? I didn't."
"Not those little ones. Marlins and swordfish are better."
"I ate a beaver."
"Your palate is unrefined."
"As if. Which of us is it that likes squirrels again?"
Bella arranged the flowers in a vase and then spun in an amusing circle trying to decide where she wanted to put it. It was still a little strange for me to see her move as quickly as I could; sometimes I looked to where she had been, not to where she was going.
Over the next few weeks, Bella's confidence grew more and more as she mastered her skills. She almost didn't need our help any longer. She could move between handling cushions to clicking lamps to lifting cars with Rosalie with hardly any concentration. She'd successfully practised putting her CDs in the stereo and now wanted to listen to my catalogue one after the other, causing lively quarrels in the house as everyone was subjected to genres they didn't like. She did refuse to touch my piano, even with my help, but asked me to play for her for hours when it was just the two of us, humming along to the familiar songs.
She also decided to start with the topmost shelf of books in the hall and read her way around the house, determined to finish before college, and further keen to do so as the TV still creeped her out a little.
I took Bella for a drive; we went through Forks, the tint obscuring her, and up to Port Angeles and back.
"A little less fun than running," she teased.
"A bit," I grinned. "It got more fun as cars got faster."
"Did someone teach you guys to drive or did you wing it?"
"Rosalie did. She always liked the mechanics of them and when they went fast enough for me to be interested I'd learnt what to do from her thoughts. She taught the others too."
"I only learnt at school. Not Renée. Or … only once or twice."
"And you picked the slowest car known to man."
"I miss that car. But you'll be pleased to know I remembered the model one first."
"Unsurprising, given you saw it in the living room."
"Don't mock, I was being cute."
I chuckled. "As long as the very first thing you remembered was me I'm okay with the order of the rest."
"You were second."
"What was the first?"
"Your bank account."
"Ouch, that was uncalled for."
"You started it."
These roads were familiar so prompted more memories for Bella, ones about school and her parents. I drove past Charlie's old house at her request and she became a bit unsettled.
"You didn't like Charlie," she stated.
"Not particularly."
"Will you say why?"
"It was the same as you observed." Bella had written these things in her notebook, offering herself explanations about why she would miss her parents but not as much as she expected, and why she'd needn't feel so guilty about not contacting them in any way when she became a vampire. "He didn't often think of you in a paternal way. You were just sort of … there."
Bella nodded. "Yeah. I think that's why he didn't bother to try and see me when I was a kid. Renée sent me to visit him a few times but that was it."
"I'm glad I never met your mother. I imagined her thoughts to be more antagonistic."
Bella laughed a little. "Probably. There weren't many sentiments about me she didn't share with me directly. But there were good ones too, when she felt like it."
"That's what would've annoyed me. There's a way to be honest without being mean."
"I think it was more that she couldn't care less what anyone thought of her. Admirable sometimes."
"Strange attitude to take towards your child."
"Oh, I was never that. An inconvenience, nothing more."
"That's not better."
Bella shrugged. "I appreciated the authenticity. That she never tried to be something she wasn't. Charlie too. Maybe it made me naive later but it made me believe that people always showed you what they were. If they were kind or tried to be, or wanted to talk with you or not … that's one of the things I liked about you guys a lot. If you like something, you say it. If you're annoyed, you say it and get it over with and move on to the next thing. Whether it's habit or whatever, but you guys say whatever you like as a default. There's no guessing or decoding."
"I've never really thought about it like that," I mused. "Probably long habit, as you say."
We went hunting when we returned. Bella's newborn thirst had reduced a fraction but not enough for her to be able to go longer stretches yet.
We fought good-naturedly for the biggest elk in the herd and then she tried other fish and water animals, liking the otter but not a duck.
"Ashy," she said. She frowned, wanting the right word.
"Clove."
She smiled. "Like Christmas." Her eyes widened. "Have you drank pig's blood? Or cows? I remember wondering that when I was human."
I laughed. "Yes. Wild pig. And a cow once out of curiosity. It was nice enough."
"You're very discerning. I can't believe you don't like rabbit."
"You'll grow into having taste," I teased, echoing Emmett's earlier jest.
She shook her head. "I'm so thirsty I don't care what I'm eating. I only notice the ones I really don't like."
The direction of the breeze changed, alerting us both, and Bella froze when she caught the werewolf scent and realised it wasn't Leah, who wouldn't come by unannounced anyway. Bella hurried into my open arms, her gaze in the direction of the wind.
"Do you want to leave?"
"Might as well get it over with," Bella replied. "He's not going to say anything we've not already heard."
Jacob's thoughts were quickly shouting in my head. He was furious and defiant—he'd be told repeatedly not to do this and his move now was being done against explicit orders from his parents and his pack. He was expecting someone to follow him but none had done so yet. He and Leah had argued; he'd snapped at her when he'd caught her memories of her visit to our house and then got into a shouting match with Sam over his rudeness, this presumably Leah's partner.
He didn't phase when he got closer, choosing instead to launch himself onto a slanting tree so he was raised several feet above our height. There was a vague thought of disappointment when neither Bella nor I flinched with what he'd hoped would be a startling reveal.
"Hi, Jake."
Recognise me, do you? Thought you'd lost all your memories.
"It doesn't work like that," I told him.
Jacob paced the log impatiently, deciding whether to phase or not. He appraised Bella critically and then registered her white dress was nearly transparent from the water. He saw us properly then, realising we were both soaking wet from our foray into the nearby river. He was angry and repulsed with himself that he still found her body appealing, noting that he'd never seen her naked before.
Bella didn't care about her attire, she was trying not to snarl at Jacob automatically. His hackles were raised and he was clearly antagonistic, flaming Bella's self-preservation. She was more frightened of him than she'd been of Leah and so was completely immobile.
Nothing to say? Jacob mocked.
"You came to us."
"Why?" Bella hissed. I levelled my thumb along her arm to soothe her, shifting to stand half in front of her when it didn't work. She'd hate to hurt him.
Wanted to see it for myself. Why are your eyes red? Jacob demanded, taking in the fading maroon hue that was unfamiliar to him.
"I drank her blood."
His nails clamped into the bark and he whined in disgust. So much for not violating the treaty. I came here to rip you to pieces but at least now everyone will know it was justified.
A snarl slipped out from between Bella's teeth as she saw Jacob grow more enraged. The sound startled him, his ears flattening. His fear was growing, fuelling his anger; he didn't want to feel afraid of Bella, it was bad enough that I still scared him. She made her choice. She knew what that meant. Jacob was trying to talk himself into making a move but couldn't.
"Go away, Jake," Bella snapped, worried for her control. "You're not supposed to be here. I invited Leah, I didn't invite you."
That's rich. As if you didn't spend half of the summer at my house.
"Just say what you want and leave," she snapped.
"Be careful, Jacob," I cautioned as both their antagonism increased. "Bella isn't fully in control of herself yet."
Stop telling me what to do.
Bella was snarling under her breath. "We all know you're not going to attack us. There's nothing else. You're just irritating me now."
She hissed viciously when Jacob still made no move to leave and I wrapped my hand around her throat, trying to pacify her into re-focusing and hold her in place at the same time. With Bella's newborn strength it was a struggle and she couldn't listen to my words either. I'd turned, keeping myself in Bella's line of sight instead, and it made Bella grow more tense, hating that I had my back to an enemy. Jacob was agitated at the way I was holding Bella's neck, imagining it done with malice, not seeming to remember vampires didn't need to breathe.
Alice and Carlisle's thoughts came into my head, making their way over to us. Alice had seen a path where it looked like I'd have difficulty getting Bella to move from this; Bella reacting harshly to her mate in potential danger. Alice was getting better at reading my expressions in her visions to guess how Bella's actions might be involved.
The wind was in the wrong direction for Jacob to sense Alice and Carlisle until they were closer. He watched them walk into his view, yapping frustratedly as he was outnumbered.
Carlisle stepped directly in front of Bella and she grabbed his hand, wanting his protection too. "Hello, Jacob. I've no wish to intrude on your private conversation but Bella is young and unpractised. She's quite distressed. I think it would be better to continue this at a later time, yes?"
Jacob's thoughts were rude in his fear and annoyance but he did leap from the tree and head back in the direction of La Push; hating that he'd been thwarted but also knowing Bella had been right that he wouldn't have actually tried something.
Carlisle clasped Bella's hand until her anxiety subsided. "Well done, little one."
She made an irritated noise. "Does that go away? The … protective wrath?"
Carlisle laughed lightly, as Alice and I did. "No. You'll just be able to think around it better."
"I wouldn't have felt bad if I gave him a good sock in the mouth."
"You would have afterwards. That's what stops you."
"Can't I just go postal for once?"
"Maybe not to someone you hope to see again."
"Hmph."
Bella
I'd spoken with my family, debating the merits, until we decided I shouldn't try to use my shield until I'd mastered normal motions. When I'd been making my plans as a human, I'd wanted to practice straightaway, wanting a familiarity, but then decided to follow their advice as they described all the difficulties I'd have.
Jasper had almost worked himself into a fit when it came time to test it. This was far beyond the parameters of his instruction, even with his decades of training newborns. He hated not feeling in control and he'd managed to twist my thoughts into panic, setting off Edward. Jasper wouldn't let me interact with Alice much at the moment either, annoying everyone when he refused to listen to reason. Esme and Carlisle were completely exasperated at Jasper and Edward's almost daily squabbles about the two of us; they'd both been banned from hunting together until they cooled off.
We were in an abandoned quarry, the night dark and thunderous to cover the sounds I was going to be making. I was facing one of the sides of the shale, the height of it casting us all in shadow. Remembered terror of the ravine flickered and Edward stepped forward to run his hand over the back of my neck.
"You're ready," he said softly.
I drew comfort from his truth. It had been thirty-nine days since I'd last broken something. I could run full tilt through our house with barely a second thought. Edward no longer had to help me with my clothes. My touch was light enough for books and games; celebrating it by being trounced soundly at chess by Rosalie.
This was the next step, the next shuffle out on the limb of my new life.
Edward stepped back to join the others behind me and I slowly flicked my palms out.
My shield was instant. Still incorporeal, still invisible to me, but there. I could feel it in my hands, flickering like a breeze.
"Can you see it?"
The negative sounded behind me. Interesting. Though I remembered the werewolves hadn't been able to see it either. I stretched it over my palm and the rain continued to spatter down on my hand, pooling a little as I flexed. I tensed my fingers further and the raindrops leapt up, hitting my shield as though it were glass.
"Well done, Bella," Edward enthused.
Flicking my fingers, I sliced it into the wall of stone, gorging four deep gashes into it. I did it again with my other hand, repeating it over and over until the section of wall was covered in cavities, then flung up my hands and forced my shield down the face of it to obscure the destruction, the crumbling stone falling to a heap.
Spinning excitedly, I skipped back to the others. "I did it!"
"You are magnificent," Edward smiled.
"My turn." Emmett sidled up to me and held out his arm, smirking. "This is going to be awesome."
Rosalie was on my other side. Seeing her tension, some of my excitement dipped.
"It's okay, I'm willing to temporarily lose an arm for this," Emmett grinned. Rosalie hissed automatically and Carlisle stepped forward, touching her cheek.
"Take your time, Bella. Remember, you can make a mistake," he said.
I nodded. Hovering my palm over Emmett, I called my shield up but only layered my hand with it, holding it there like a second skin. It took minutes for me to feel able to bring my hand down on Emmett's arm. It was a double-edged sword; I was panicking about hurting him and I knew panic made my shield more uncontrollable …
His arm was forced to his side.
"Sorry, I was thinking too much. Go again."
This time, I tried to ignore everything but the thinness, trying to make it thinner still—I was sure that was the key. I stretched my fingers to cover him and his arm dropped. "Urgh, hold on. I'll get it."
I tried over and over, making each pass thinner. My shield didn't want to draw anything closer to my skin; shoving the intrusion away each time. Attempting to circumvent it, I moved it by tiny gradations, and then so quickly that Emmett's arm snapped to his side with a crack as my shield collided. Neither worked.
Closing my eyes, I visualised only my shield. Overlaying it, I pictured it to be malleable as a soap bubble, bending to my imperceptible pliant movements. It wasn't solid, it was tensile …
I felt Emmett's skin beneath my fingers as I levelled my hand but didn't react. It was my skin, not Emmett's …
Even with my eyes closed, I felt Edward, Jasper, and Alice stiffen. It was working.
"That's so weird," Alice whispered. "He's gone."
Carlisle and Esme moved to pacify Rosalie who'd hissed quietly, their skin connecting with hers as they held her.
I opened my eyes slowly. Nothing had visually changed save for Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme now grouped closer.
"Can you hear his thoughts?" I asked Edward.
"No, I can't hear either of you."
"Jasper?"
"Nothing. Can you feel this?"
"Nope," Emmett grinned. At my nod, Jasper carefully tapped Emmett's shoulder. "Still nothing," he laughed.
"Stay there, Jasper," I asked, closing my eyes again. Jasper wasn't touching Emmett, it was just another extension of me … just a bit further …
Carlisle pulled Alice to him, knowing she'd have a more visceral reaction when her mate disappeared. She snapped her teeth at me but the air didn't move so I knew she hadn't pounced. "That's enough, let him go."
"Wait," Jasper said. "I want to try something first. Can you feel that?"
"Yes. Let him go, Bella," she ordered, a snarl building.
"Let her concentrate, Alice," Edward murmured.
Carefully, I peeled back the protection the same way I lifted it off my own palms. Towing at it, fraction by fraction, until I heard Jasper step away, and then Emmett when Edward signalled him.
"That was brilliant" I announced, opening my eyes. "I can't believe it did it!"
"That was the worst minute of my life," Alice scowled. "Jasper just disappeared—you're not doing that again."
"You all could feel Jasper when he was in the shield; I wasn't expecting that," I mused. "But he still couldn't feel me."
I took Edward's hand and stretched my shield over him. "You can't hear me?"
He shook his head, smiling wryly. "Just the others."
"Me again," Emmett demanded. "I've been waiting almost a century for this."
"No wrestling," Esme scolded. "Bella's still practising."
"Poker, then. We're playing the second we get home."
I practiced in the quarry for a few more hours, until daylight streaked the sky. There was no effort in my movements as there had been when I was human, and my shield followed the contours of my hands every time. I was able to encase my family in a bubble of protection, soon without having to touch them. Emmett and Jasper took an offensive stance to simulate an attack, circling us, pushing and leaping, trying to invade the protection but they never could.
My family would be safe. I'd be able to always keep them safe.