Travelled two hundred miles, I'm knockin' at your door
And I don't really care if you ain't done wrong, come on
What's up, danger?
Don't be a stranger
Blackway & Black Caviar

Bella

"Brake."

I pressed my foot down with the lightest step I could manage; particularly difficult since that was my first time driving again with shoes on; the two different tension points having to be accounted for.

"A little more. Good. Accelerate."

The trees went past more quickly and the wind slipping over the car was more pronounced.

"Well done. See, you were worried for nothing," Edward smiled.

"My car is brand new. I'd at least like to wait until the six month mark before I put my foot through the floor."

"Flick the lights on. Humans get upset otherwise."

Weird. I did so, though it made no difference.

"What else?"

"Don't look at them for more than a few seconds. Sometimes it's better not to look at them at all if they're really nervous. Make your footsteps louder when you want to walk up to them."

"You never did those things with me," I recalled.

"You were never afraid of me. Alice and Emmett drove me up the wall for a few weeks trying to see which of them could scare you the most."

"The popping up out of nowhere was definitely the worst bit," I giggled.

Edward had me park in the lot of a grocery store then hold my breath as we moved well away from the area, almost to the other side of the city. He taught me how to check more subtly to see if anyone was watching us before we ran; how to avoid the yellow glow of street lamps and car headlights.

Walking at a human pace was comfortable until I was anxious, and then I wanted to sprint to somewhere more secluded—only Edward's soothing tones kept me calm.

We were standing by the side of an empty suburban house. It was the early hours of the morning, no humans were about yet.

Edward took my face in his hands. "One breath, then hold it."

The scents of the city sparked some familiarity but a lot of them were new; exhaust, bitumen, pesticides, motor oil. Flowers, soil, grass, granite, stone, timber, sawdust, plastic, and polymer. Vague hints of cotton and polyester from lingering human clothes and furnishings. Dog hair, cat hair. Several species of birds; an opossum.

Blood, too. Two humans in the large house across the cul-de-sac were sleeping, their heartbeats and breathing even. Their scent was sweet, so much sweeter than the animals I'd gorged myself on in perpetration for this.

Venom filled my mouth and it took a great deal of willpower to stop myself tasting the scent again. I knew that wouldn't stem the burn but almost tried anyway. Edward saw I was struggling and pulled me into a copse nearby.

"It's like I didn't even hunt earlier," I complained.

"You did well, my heart."

My throat was still burning. "What would we do? I want to go back."

"Bury them. The humans will think they've gone missing."

Missing. That was … unsettling. Emmett searched for missing people.

"Others."

Edward had to hold me when we started to move; I nearly yanked myself out of his grip and shot back through the trees.

"The air here is clear," he told me after we'd gone a few miles.

I took a breath, trying to get rid of the scent of blood. But only once, not trusting myself.

When I nodded to Edward, we changed course and walked through the streets, not going anywhere in particular.

Along a strip, music and human voices mixed together in a bar. Edward stopped when I did. A man was standing up the street; he wasn't looking at us but this was the closest I'd been to a human since my transformation. He'd been inside the bar recently; his heart rate was fast from music and movement. He was sweating too, his hat dark with it, and a patch had formed around the neckline of his shirt.

He felt my gaze and looked over. His eyes widened appreciatively but then his fear registered and he straightened up and went back inside, dropping his unfinished cigarette into the gutter without putting it out.

I could've stopped him but the look on his face had made me pause.

"Will it always be like that?" I asked Edward, using the air I had in my lungs.

"More or less. There are exceptions though," he smiled, kissing my fingers. "Another breath?"

I did it again; ethanol, ammonia, tar, arsenic, formaldehyde, leaf litter, paper, grease, beeswax, sugar … Edward had told me all scents would become a little less overriding with time but it was hard when the notes of blood remained on the air; he had to squeeze my hand more firmly to lead me away from the brace of humans. Certainly I could drain them all; I was so thirsty that it was getting more and more appealing, but it would be investigated—Carlisle had said not to do that.

We kept walking, moving slowly in this active part of the city. Neon lights and music filtered in as we passed other bars and clubs. I found myself fixating on all the heartbeats, tracking some as we moved; my muscles coiled and I almost sprang after one.

When I became too agitated, Edward took me to a small park, away from the sound of heartbeats.

"Will it make me feel better or worse?" I asked him, my tone angry from the flame of thirst.

"I don't know how you'll feel, it's different for everyone. Your thirst will dim a bit."

That was what I wanted. I was so desiccated I was losing my focus. I couldn't think of anything else anymore.

A big further along, there was a sweet scent on the air, strong and new. Whoever it was, they were still in the park. They were alone; all the other human scents were hours old.

I followed it, not bothering to hold my breath now. Edward didn't let go of my hand but I knew I wouldn't have to watch my back while I fed; he didn't want this kind of blood. It would be all mine.

The human was splayed out on a park bench, tucked into a ratty sleeping bag. They were asleep and had their back to us. I could probably drain the human and they wouldn't even make a sound.

I breathed in, relishing the overpowering sweetness. I flashed my teeth, ready to strike. Edward gently let go so I had freedom to move.

My hand felt empty now.

No one would miss this person, alone as they were. Why was I pausing?

"Can I?"

"Yes."

I still didn't move. What was this?

Edward used to hunt humans; evil ones. He didn't any longer because he believed it made him the same. He'd already explained that I could do as I liked.

"Has he done something wrong?"

"I don't know."

I spun to face Edward, his words distracting me out of my thirst for a moment. "Will you take me to one that has?"

Maybe that would feel less … something.

"It might take some time. Probably not by the time the sun comes up."

"Time?"

"Humans focus on less things at once. It might be weeks or months before they begin to think about deviancy, and some time more before they act on it, especially for the first time."

I was thirsty now. I eyed the shapeless lump on the bench. I wasn't breathing anymore but I still had the memory of the scent. My throat burned even brighter. I took a step but stopped. He wasn't even scared, he hadn't woken yet. It would be nothing just to lean down and …

Pictures and names in a newspaper. Humans turned against their will. Edward, his hands clenched into fists as he fought not to kill me.

"Shh, I've got you."

Edward's frantic voice sounded in my ear and I stilled my struggle; he'd lifted me into his arms when I tried to leave and spring at the same time, knowing my uncertainty was plaguing me.

I buried my face in his neck and breathed in his scent instead; that beautiful light fragrance that was comforting rather than overwhelming. He smelt the same as when I'd been human and that was what soothed me most.

Edward stroked my hair until I relaxed. "It'll get easier, my heart. I promise."

"Someone else. Not this one."

We went back to the strip, picking a bar and going inside, nipping past the bouncer when his head was turned since neither of us had brought our wallets.

Weaving through the crowd, we found an empty corner. The humans kept looking at us; not really dressed nice enough for a bar, not holding a drink, and I was a little too still.

Edward had me sit at a table and I practised fidgeting, the lesson distracting me from the blood. I also hadn't taken a breath since the park so I had Edward's scent in my mouth and he was tracing his fingers over my body as he told me how to move.

Edward laughed quietly at my expression. He took my hand in both of his and he kissed my fingertips, pressing his tongue to them playfully.

"Soon," he smiled.

I took a breath to tell him I wanted it now but the blood in the air pulled me immediately into the hunt. With Edward's skin on mine, cautioning me, I was able to do what he'd instructed instead of giving in to my impulse.

Rather than thinking of thirst, I focused on the scents themselves, labelling them. Honeysuckle … sweet peas … lily of the valley … it was the closest thing in nature I could ascribe to the sweet blood. Concentrating further, I could trace which unique scent went in which direction, identifying the human they belonged to if they came close enough to our table. I gestured my guesses to Edward who confirmed my accuracy. He gave me more words for some of the subtler ones … meadowsweet, narcissa …

He explained that the ethanol was beer, the tarter ethanol was vodka; the sour was milk; the dry salt was human sweat. Some of the other scents were known to me, we had them in our home too—cotton, leather, silk; lipstick pigments and the watery tang of foundation.

"No one?" I asked.

"None," he confirmed.

Edward had explained vampires didn't typically venture into cities the way we did; they picked off stragglers usually, then returned to their territory, but my anxiety hadn't been ready to listen to that logic.

"Who?"

"None of those yet either."

"How would we get them to leave with us?"

Edward looked around. He was good, just making it look like he was observing the space. "Through the back door. Quickly though, there are cameras here. On the bar and the front door but not the employee exit."

I followed his gaze and saw what he was talking about, picking up the pattern as he described it.

"Or we could wait outside for them to leave and follow them there," he added.

Patience was hardly my strong suit right now.

"The cameras make it hard," I complained. "What if they catch something? We're still enough now. And attracting attention."

Edward nodded. "We've not had to bother about cameras until recently. I used to wait outside places and watch through their eyes, but it would be harder for you to get used to scents like that."

That hauled back the bloodlust and I had to freeze. Edward tried to coax me out of it but when he couldn't, he herded me out to the street and we walked away from the mass of humans.

Outside, I was able to taste other scents but I was impatient, suddenly; the only thing I was able to dimly acknowledge was that Edward had to be the one to find a human, the right human.

A man shouting drunkenly at a group of girls was encouraging.

"Has he done something?"

"He's not thinking overtly about it. He has no plans to hurt them."

"But he might."

"Yes."

I'd been going to wait a few more minutes to be sure but I was so thirsty … and he was certainly being unpleasant.

It was too dark for him to be able to see me and he didn't hear me walk up to him. He was also too inebriated for his intuition to sense me either.

"Him?" I asked Edward quietly.

"I still don't know that."

I'd really only asked as a formality; my thoughts had turned red with thirst and my human memory recalled the few times men had spoken to me or my friends in the same way … that fear and disgust it caused, that the men liked or didn't even register as causing us discomfort …

Closing my hand around his shoulder, I went to tow him off his feet so his jugular was more exposed—I wanted the most blood, the faster the better—but became distracted by something crunching under my grip and then an odd sound … a human scream.

I'd let him go in my confusion and the man dropped to the sidewalk, slouching forward. I'd broken bones when I'd hunted but the animals hadn't made noises like that; they were drained too quickly—I'd been hesitating with this one.

His heartbeat became more rapid and his temperature changed, increasing as his immune system reacted to the injury. There wasn't any blood, the bone not piercing his skin.

I turned around to face Edward, reaching for him. He drew me with him and we went into a nearby alleyway.

James had broken my ankle in the same way; almost crushed my jaw. Victoria had pushed me and cracked my ribs. I'd had to be so careful with Leah to make sure I didn't hurt her when I held her hand. Jake too, would've been injured if I'd hit him in my anger.

"Is he okay?"

"He'll be fine."

"I broke his collarbone."

"Yes."

There was no accusation or judgement in Edward's tone, he was only watching me to gauge how I was feeling about it.

"I didn't like it. The sound."

"If you're faster they won't make a noise."

Again, he wasn't correcting or admonishing, just stating a fact.

"I stopped thinking about my thirst," I admitted. "When I heard the sound."

"It made you remember your injuries."

I nodded. "They'd hurt. I hurt him."

"He's okay," Edward repeated. "He broke it before riding a motorcycle and he believes this one doesn't hurt as much. Though that's probably the alcohol."

"What does he think happened?"

"That he tripped."

The actions had happened close enough together that a human might mistake that. I could hear him slurring into a cell phone, calling someone to pick him up.

"Well, at least he isn't being a dick anymore."

Edward fought a smile. "It's a bit hard, isn't it? If only we could deal with everyone the same way."

"Like you haven't tried. If I have to see one more fistfight between you and Jasper, I'm going to move into the yard."

"I think Carlisle and Esme would kick him and I out first. And that's different, he's being insufferable. And directing it at you. I'm hardly responsible for my actions when you're involved."

"But he's not allowed to be overprotective of Alice?"

"You've snapped at her twice and he's acting like you threatened to light her on fire."

"She was being pushy."

"She was being Alice. You just have to ignore her."

"Hang on, how did this turn into a lecture about my behaviour? You're the unreasonable one. No more fighting with Jasper."

"If he leaves you alone."

"You don't have a go at Jake when he thinks those things about me."

"He's all talk. Jasper's not."

I made a face. "You know Jasper won't actually do anything to hurt me either."

"He's goading you before you're ready. That's not nothing."

"Urgh, I'm with Carlisle and Esme. The two of you are going into the yard."

Edward smiled, glad he'd pulled me from my low mood.

Talking of Jake's thoughts also reminded me of something else. "When we saw him, I hope Jake wasn't … thinking about me. You know, that way. Leah implied he used to."

"I've seen some things. But it's far from accurate so didn't have much of an effect."

"Does he still want to be my friend?" I asked glumly.

Edward stroked my jaw. "He wasn't thinking enough of it for me to tell you that answer, unfortunately."

"I don't want to hunt anymore."

"We can try another night."

"Maybe. But I think the same thing will happen. It hurt when I got bitten too."

Edward pressed his lips to the mark. It wasn't cold any longer and was only a discolouration on my skin but the memory came for both of us anyway. He threaded our fingers together and we made our way back to the car, following our scent through the streets.

"I have too many memories of vampires and humans interacting to lose myself to the blood for long," I pondered.

"Perhaps. This is new to us all, how much knowledge you had beforehand. Maybe I should be a bit nicer to Jasper; that's one of the reasons he's on edge. It started as an interesting thought experiment for him and now he's lost his head."

"Could Carlisle get me blood? Maybe I'd like it like that."

"He might do it for you once," Edward nodded.

"There's hospitals everywhere. We could just get some ourselves. You could go in and get it," I amended. I wouldn't be able to do that yet.

"I think the State Medical Board would object to future doctors stealing from hospitals," Edward grinned.

I giggled. "True."

"Do you want to know the real issue?"

"Yes."

"The risk that someone would get in trouble for it going missing. It might be a company that gets dinged but it could be an employee too."

"Yeah … I guess I don't like that either. This was an unsuccessful trip. All it made me realise was that I don't want to do it again."

"You inhaled human scent and kept yourself together. That's not nothing."

"It wasn't even an hour total."

"You're just starting out."

I nodded, letting myself acknowledge it. I was doing well.