Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love
Just say yes, 'cause I'm aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in
Snow Patrol

Bella

The first week of the summer holidays, the others went on a hunting trip to Montana, leaving Edward and I alone for several days, the first time I'd been without them for months—their present to us.

"What shall we do?" I asked Edward, laughing.

As promised, in our bed, he recreated our every encounter; starting from the first. He'd not recounted the most sensual parts of our conversations earlier, wanting to save them for when I was ready, and my lust was already building with the echoes of my memories.

Edward sat on the bed, pulling me into his lap, both of us taking the other's shirt off sweetly slowly. Edward had kissed me so many times but this was only the second time he'd had his mouth on my nipples. He used his lips instead of his tongue, his touch tantalisingly light.

Following his lead, I only stroked him the way I had before, fluttering my fingers over his smooth skin.

I kissed him gently when his eyes slid closed. "You're warmer to me now."

"Do you miss that?"

"Only a little. The electricity is still there and that was mostly what I was chasing."

Edward traced his knuckle over my clit, rubbing it in a beautiful unhurried way. Our joined orgasm was rising, concentrated in our hands and our mouths.

When he lifted his hand as soon as we'd peaked, I opened my eyes. His expression was remorseful and I realised this must've been where he'd moved away, scared to hurt me. He'd already explained earlier that he'd been terrified of hurting me but how much my body excited him at the same time.

"Watching you was incredible. I couldn't stop myself from reacting. I had to move away and make sure I didn't injure you. I had to do that often."

"But not once we learnt each other."

He smiled. "No."

It was my turn to look despondent and Edward pulled me closer. "It's not like that, Bella," he assured me urgently. "I miss the wetness but because of what it meant. You wanted me, you lusted after me. That's what I loved."

"I've had sex with a vampire. You never have," I pointed out.

"I want you, my heart. However you are."

"It's not the same. I didn't respond the same. What if you don't like it?"

"Did it feel good to you?"

"Yes, but—"

"That's what I love. Watching you. Feeling you." He stroked his fingers between my legs lightly. "That feeling you had, that pulsing, that's exactly the same as it was before."

That had felt amazing, evoking dozens of memories we hadn't progressed to re-establishing yet.

Edward lay me back on the bed and tenderly unbuttoned my jeans, tugging them off. I knew he hadn't done this during our first time so now wanted to show me something else.

He propped himself up on his elbow and brought our linked hands between my legs before releasing my hand and rubbing my clit with his thumb until I was stuttering, beautiful warmth in my chest and my core. Edward stopped right before I reached the peak and I opened my eyes. He caressed my hand again, gliding it down my body and slipping two of my fingers inside myself.

"This is what you did first," he whispered. "Feel yourself this way, Bella. You'll remember."

Slowly thrumming my fingers brought it back, as much as the awareness of Edward next to me, present; watching and barely touching me. "I've fantasised about you before."

"Yes. Before we had sex the first time."

"Yes … yes … I already knew how hard your body was. God, that felt good. I couldn't make it feel the same but I tried …oh."

Edward was watching me hungrily, little husky sounds of pleasure sounding in his chest. "Just like that, Bella. Hearing you … seeing you come for me …"

His lips grazed my knees and thighs lightly, his orgasm drawing closer as mine did, and with my fingers inside now it felt different than it had just before; it almost felt as it did when Edward had done this to me when I was human, the pulses having to reverberate back and double in strength when they met the firmness of his fingers …

Edward's growls were deep and slow. He moved his fingers back to mine, my pulses beating on his skin too.

Light flickered behind my eyelids when I climaxed, the desire spilling out of my chest and permeating everywhere. Edward pulled my hand away gently, linking our fingers and raising our hands to my waist to dissipate the desire.

I smiled. "Go to the next one."

Edward wrapped us around each other. He squeezed my hips, rocking me until I took over and ground myself against him. He was mostly still, as he had been during this encounter the first time, and even though we could move together now, his hardness was still there and it was exhilarating. Desire thrummed once more, the feeling exquisite. Stars and colours danced in my vision.

"Will that happen every time?" I whispered, loving how incredible it felt.

"Every time," Edward replied, kissing me deeply.

By the time he slid his own fingers inside me, we'd brought each other to orgasm nearly a hundred times.

"You tasted me before," I remembered, the image of it sending another jolt through my core.

"I can still taste you now," he said, his eyes blazing as he lapped at his fingers, moving his other hand to stroke me.

After a moment, I pulled his hand away and sucked his fingers; I could taste my own scent in my mouth, blended with his. They were both light and vibrant, deeper like this as well.

When he carried me to the shower, I had to laugh. "We've been here a lot too."

Edward grinned. "I needed to warm you up at first. But then it became its own thing."

We didn't go outside when he re-created that first outdoor tryst, too firmly entrenched in our lovemaking to want to move so far, and he'd already told me of all the worries he'd spoken of when he'd lost himself during this one, so all he reminded me of was his deliciously dirty words. My memories of sex were returning rapidly, without any particular order until he helped me organise them, sometimes making us both laugh as we alternated between drowning lust and my wish for accurate remembrances.

"You loved this," I grinned, laying at the edge of the bed and tipping my head back. "Your reaction was amazing. And I don't need to catch my breath now, what will that be like for us?"

"I can only imagine. But we've got so many more acts to work up to. Do you want to stay here or do you want my tongue inside you as well?" he asked roguishly.

"I want the memories, exactly as they were."

Edward knelt on the bed and I took him in my mouth impatiently. The taste of his skin, his firmness, was almost exactly as I remembered and I was eager for every part of him. I rubbed my tongue against the spot that made the reverberations sound in his chest. He was shuddering and it felt incredible against my skin, both of us swirling in our joined lust, our sounds becoming almost indistinguishable.

I eased his hips back after a while, trying to judge the point where it would've ended, circling the tip of his shaft with my tongue teasingly.

When I sat up, Edward leant down and kissed me frantically, dipping out of the remembrance himself now. "I wasn't prepared for your mouth to feel like that. Warm and soft, but stronger as well …"

I giggled at the look on his face. "You want it again."

Edward grinned wryly. "I'll have it again. There's many more."

"I know. I meant right now."

Edward stood up and began stroking himself slowly. "Don't you want my mouth?"

"I want both."

He laughed. "That doesn't happen yet."

I dropped my head back in frustration and he chuckled again. "I can't believe I've done this to myself. I thought it'd be easier to keep to my idea. I didn't realise it would jumble all my memories together. I've come more times just from my memory than right now, even the memories of earlier today are blending into it. How do you concentrate? You have to tell me what to do, keep me together."

Edward raised his eyebrow at me, smiling.

"Yes, I know that'll turn me on too but I want the patterns to be the same, have the same memories as you."

He started stroking himself faster, his gaze piercing. His thumb brushed my jaw, pulling me closer to his torso. I tasted his skin, flicking my tongue until he stilled my moves by levelling my lips with his thumb. I drew his thumb in my mouth, lathering my tongue there too. I remembered what happened next but wanted him to say it and he knew it.

"Use your fingers. Let me watch."

When it came time for him to slip his tongue inside me, I immediately began bucking my hips, wanting more friction.

He chuckled. "Keep still, Bella. I can't hold you down as well anymore."

"I'm trying—there's too much, so much—oh."

He was lapping passionately and I lost myself. Colours were exploding behind my eyelids in time with my orgasms. Nearly every flick of his tongue sent me over the edge. It was just as he said it would be; a hundred nerves activated, his tongue wonderful and firm, folding exactly to the form of my body.

The same thing happened when his shaft was inside me once more. I was rocking in short bursts, my orgasms quick and blazing. I gripped him with the walls of my body, remembering how much he'd liked this before. Edward tipped his head back as he climaxed, our orgasms almost cyclical.

Once all our trysts were complete, he and I were silent for ages, reflecting.

I was laying with my head on his chest, drawing lines on his stomach contentedly, as he was doing on my back. It had been four days so far; the obscured morning sun just cresting over the horizon. My stockings were on the floor and the pillowcases had been ever so slightly damp from our wet hair after our earlier time in the shower.

"That's all the memories, isn't it?" I hummed happily. "All of our shared ones?"

"Yes."

Pillowing my head next to his, I traced my fingers over his lips. His eyes were that beautiful buttery gold once more. Mine had faded to a more pleasing rose-coloured tint and had been lightening after every hunt this past month. I could go almost ten days without feeding now and hadn't been thirsty since we'd tumbled into bed.

Edward and I would never tire of each other; of talking and laughing, of touching. It was so exhilarating. "I want more. Constantly. How will that work when everyone returns?"

He grinned. We'll find other things to do soon."

"I don't want to."

"You will. You've only just started Paradise Lost."

"Just say you want to get out of bed and be done with it."

"I'm so far from finished with you."

Desire rippled at his words and I giggled as I settled on something he'd recounted.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"Don't you wish you knew my mind?" I asked wistfully. It had been so long since he'd teased me with those words.

"Sometimes. Not once became attuned to you."

"There is something you said." I sat up, trapping his body beneath mine. Edward was smiling mischievously, knowing where my thoughts had gone, as he'd told me.

"We've had sex a lot."

"Yes," he agreed, grinning wider.

"When I was human, and now."

"Yes."

"You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

Edward just raised his eyebrows.

"What happens if I don't?" I asked, laughing.

"You can't honestly feel embarrassed," he protested.

"I don't know what this emotion is," I confessed. "I haven't felt this yet."

"You did get self-conscious before. Our first time, understandably, but sometimes during others as well. After you'd told me something dirty."

"I didn't feel anything but lust when we recreated everything, not even when you were reciting things. Things you said … the things I'd said."

I'd been focused on re-establishing the encounters, in my desire and in my memory as I watched the overlays of remembrance remerge, but now the full impact of his words had filled me.

"You like my voice. And we were in the moment."

"And now you want to hear my voice."

Edward's gaze smouldered. "More than anything."

I leant down to kiss him, tangling my tongue with his. I was silent, teasing him, and it was too much.

"Tell me."

"We've already said everything," I murmured, drawing it out.

Edward growled, his voice deepening. "Then tell me something new."

"I want you to fuck me. Hard."

He crashed his mouth to mine. His arms came around my waist, dragging me under him. He sank into me without hesitation.

Edward pushed himself up on his hands, towering over me, and began shoving himself into me urgently; sometimes fast, sometimes hard—the force of him jolting me up the bed, my shoulders hitting his forearms. My grip on his lower back was firm, trying to pull him deeper into me. Those animalistic sounds were rumbling in his chest and vibrations were purring in my own, the feeling unbelievable. The pleasure spread to every inch of our bodies, almost feeling like a warmth, a honeyed fizziness. I kept expecting it to end but it was limitless.

He thrust himself into me further, holding himself there through my orgasm, loving the pulses. "Christ, you feel so good. You're pulsing so fast …"

I squeezed his shaft with my inner muscles, more rapidly than I had before, rolling our hips together at the same time.

Edward opened his eyes, his expression blazing.

"More, Edward, please."

He collapsed onto me, shoving into me harder and kissing me deeply. He bit my bottom lip, the force sending little shocks of pleasure to my core.

"Oh, do that again."

"Fuck, I love when you beg for me."

We were frantic, biting lips and tongues, anointing each other with the scent of our mouths. When I lost myself and arched my neck, he bit my throat, sucking at my skin; his thick cries muffled as he came. Our strength was keeping us in place, my thighs pressed against his so he had an anchor to steady himself, and his palms came up from my back to my shoulders, pulling down so that he was deeper inside me. I had to close my eyes as his tip rubbed repeatedly into the bundle of nerves inside me and I swayed faster, wanting to stimulate it.

Edward bowed my back, exposing my breasts further and he sucked hard on my nipples, lathering his tongue repeatedly.

"Use your teeth," I ordered when the sucking was no longer enough. He bit my nipples sharply, over and over, chuckling when he felt that each bite made my inner muscles tense around him.

Only our changes in position and the curve of light across the sky marked anything. Edward was growling ceaselessly, the sounds in time with my pulsing body. When the sun dipped a little further, he rolled me over and used his hold on my waist to thrust me onto his shaft as he took me from behind. We'd done this position earlier but never this rough. Our pace matched intuitively and every plunge hit against my nerves in a different way than when we went slow. Edward's fingers were digging into my clit. Both sensations filled me with light, my every nerve fluttering divinely.

Twirling my hair in his hand, he pulled my head up so we could kiss at the same time. His other arm was slung across my torso, holding my shoulder so he could keep me steady as he shoved himself into me. The incredible heat from both of us was centred right where our bodies connected, lurching back and forth on our skin. When I came, he ripped his mouth away and bit my shoulder, licking his tongue across after each one.

He felt so good inside me, thick and hard, pressing everywhere at once. Something else flittered into my memory …

"Let me make it tighter."

He stopped for a moment so we could swap the position of our legs, mine now together and his on either side. He swore violently, pitching forward and coiling his body over my back when he felt the pressure change but he didn't wait for us to adjust; he immediately drove himself into me—it was a different kind of orgasm; I could feel every beat of my sex on his shaft, rougher and firmer …

He ran his thumb over my open mouth, outlining my lips. When I drew his thumb into my mouth, he his voice was ragged. "You love it when I take you like this, don't you—bite—yes …"

Edward changed the pace repeatedly after each orgasm, slowing marginally after we'd gone over the edge, then picking up the speed to chase it again.

It was early afternoon when Edward pulled out completely and moved to lay beneath me; his mouth was licking and sucking me at the same moment. He drank me in, every infinitesimal movement teasing out lights and colours behind my closed eyes as he alternated between sucking my clit and pushing his tongue inside. I didn't use my mouth on him, caressing him instead, loving that I could stroke him properly now.

"Your hand is so tight." Edward's hands around my waist were frantic, dragging more strength into his pleasure.

Both of us increased, trying to make the other climax first. Edward lapped my clit back into his mouth and very gently pressed his teeth against it, biting when my desire grew louder, and I lost our game instantly.

Edward laughed lightly.

"Don't you dare get all smug."

I squirmed out of Edward's hold and knelt at the end of the bed.

"You can't argue that it's too much now," I grinned.

"No," he agreed. He didn't stand since he'd be too tall so he moved his legs either side of me, leaning back a little so I'd have room.

"Have you imagined this?" I asked him, tracing the muscles of his chest with my tongue, circling his nipples.

"When you had your mouth on me yesterday."

Taking his hand, I slid it into my hair and he twisted it in his fist, knotting it around twice so it was out of the way. It hardly mattered but I liked his fingers in my hair.

"Will you keep your hand there?"

"If you'd like me to."

"Yes, it feels nice."

I was excited for this, that I could finally do this for him properly. His deep tones told me he was already picturing it.

Flicking my eyes from his shaft to his face, I smiled coyly. "I'm going to win our game."

"Not if I talk to you through it."

I laughed a little. "If you can talk to me soon I'll know I'm not doing it well enough. I want you to fuck me like this too."

His eyes closed and his hand in my hair tightened; his tones stuttering.

I dawdled my fingers over his thighs, following the shape of him, intermittently licking his chest but not moving lower.

When I did finally stroke him, I only caressed him with my hands, purposely teasing him further. When his entire body was shuddering, I flicked my tongue over his tip then quickly pulled away.

His sounds stammered. "Bella …"

I did it again and again, drawing him higher but not letting him peak. His other hand was clenched around his thigh now and I bit his knuckles instead.

"Jesus, Bella, please. Let me … let me …"

Gently so I didn't move his shaft, I eased my mouth over the tip but drew back without doing anything.

Edward was almost moaning. "I'm so close, let me come, I want your mouth …"

Stroking him slower, I caressed his sack with my other hand so he could feel how close I was too, how much I was shuddering, then I eased my mouth over him once more.

There was no resistance, only adjustment as I fit him to the contours of my throat. When my lips were at his base, I lapped my tongue, rolling it.

Edward's fist tightened around my hair, his growls reverberating. He was so hard that I could feel every part of his shape when my mouth moved against him. His orgasm flashed, quaking around us, and mine caused little fluttering movements on his shaft.

"God, Bella, yes. Make it stronger—swallow—that's it … that's it, just like that."

My throat contracting around him repeatedly made Edward lose control of himself; his growl was deep and long, almost in time with his orgasms. He was cradling my shoulders with his legs and his other hand wound itself into my hair as well, all of him grasping at me; he pushed my mouth a little closer to him, doing it again when I hummed my agreement. He could feel my climax, knew that I'd been brought to orgasm just pleasuring him, and was soon bucking his hips under me; every jolt of him hitting further into my throat felt incredible.

Each movement was on a different rhythm—his climax, mine, his hips, his hands rocking me deeper onto him; it was making his orgasms splutter in waves.

I held his hips for a moment and lifted my mouth slowly away, looking up at him. He opened his eyes when he felt me move and I sucked his tip as the spasms lessened, not breaking eye contact.

"Oh, fuck!"

Edward came hard, his vibrations tripping one after the other and coating my tongue. I immediately drew him back into my mouth.

When his shuddering subsided for the umpteenth time, I pulled back once more, adding my hand as I revealed more of his skin, stroking him tightly. Sucking the tip and adding soft nips of my teeth made him lose his focus completely—his hands went slack and he fell back to the mattress, having only the presence of mind to lift me with him, laying me across his chest.

His tongue was in my mouth, gathering up his scent; rumbling long and hard at how deeply he could taste it and he quickly stroked himself inside me.

I held us down while he shoved into me, rough once more. He was sucking my tongue at the same pace as his thrusts but when I squeezed my legs together to tighten around him, he dropped his head back and his fingers scraped over my skin, desperately trying to keep hold of something that wouldn't give under his strength.

"Jesus, Bella. I need to get my concentration back if you want to keep the bed intact."

Giggling, I shifted to lay next to him instead, letting us calm. "I like this bed, I will be annoyed if you break it. Was the fucking good?" I asked, smiling against his lips.

"It was very, very good. In a different way than usual."

"Yes," I agreed.

"It's a good thing we prefer the slow sensual stuff otherwise we'd run out of furniture quickly. And probably contribute to deforestation if we went outside."

"We should stop anyway. The others will be back in a few hours," I observed, taking note of the daylight that would be breaking in several minutes.

He danced his fingers up and down my spine, following the curves.

"Does it feel strange to you?" I asked. "To not have to do anything afterwards? I don't need to warm up … or fall asleep."

"Not strange. So much of it is the same that the missing bits aren't looming particularly large."

"Do I taste the same to you?"

Edward flicked his tongue over my lips teasingly. "Very much the same." He slid his hand between our conjoined bodies and softly stroked the back of his fingers between my legs once. "There as well. Almost exactly the same, only richer …"

I grabbed his hands and trapped them to the mattress, smiling at him. "Everything is so wonderful, so perfect … it feels like we shouldn't be allowed to have it."

"We've tempted fate enough for me to believe we're owed some peace."

Regarding him more nervously, I leant down and buried my face in his neck. "It makes me scared … like if we try to leave this place, something will notice and hurt us."

"I don't think that's how this works."

"I don't like being by myself."

"You're not. You're with me."

I knew that. But there had been a few times I hadn't been and I didn't like it one bit. This was something else I'd been planning for Edward, something I wanted to do while it was still just the two of us.

"I know that look," Edward said, sitting up with me in his lap. "What bombshell are you going to drop on me now?"

I laughed. "You do know me. Stay still."

He eyed me suspiciously but did as I asked.

Slowly, I brought my hands to his jaw, smoothing my thumbs across. I'd only practised this three times so far, during the solo trips into the city that I'd done. They were to build my confidence but also my family's as they tried different methods to adjust to Alice's blindness. I'd hated being out of range of Edward, the pain it still caused in my chest; the panic of being separated from them all, but I'd decided to use it to try and see if this was possible, to bring Edward and I some measure of comfort.

Edward

Bella's warm hands on my jaw were soothing but I couldn't quite let myself feel it fully. She was planning something and I already knew it was going to be something so out of left field. But every one of these surprises of hers had brought me unending joy so I tried to focus on that.

She watched my eyes, intent to the point of disappearing into herself a little. She began breathing rhythmically, a sound of slight exertion that was not a vampire sound. It was so reminiscent of her human breath that I almost called her back to me to check she was okay.

'You are—my whole existence. I love you.'

'I love you too.'

I love you, Edward. Always.

My hands floundered for her wrists, gripping her tightly. "Bella—what—"

"Shh, let me focus."

"You can't—how are you … was that—"

Bright sunlight stretching across the unbroken landscape, pale and colourless. Strong arms around me, my Edward. My Edward, gleaming in the sun, his shirt unbuttoned, his expression careful yet nervous, scared I'd turn from him now that I saw what he really was. But I knew. I knew I'd never wanted anyone more. I knew who he was. He was Edward.

The memory cut off abruptly, her shield snapping back in place.

"I heard you. Your memories. I saw them."

Bella smiled. "I've been trying but I wasn't sure I'd get it right. It's hard work, like stretching a band that has no tension. But you heard me?"

"Yes. Do it again. It's my voice, my memories—they look the same." I stopped so she could concentrate.

'When we fall in love with our mate, it's permanent, it lasts for eternity. Nothing breaks that bond. And you are mine.'

Yes. Of course I am. I'm Edward's. That's what I've been feeling my whole life. That sureness. That searching, searching … Edward was who I needed to find. A long search and yet not long at all. Eternity. That's how long we'd be together.

My mouth found hers and her shield snapped again but we were lost in the kiss, glory seeping into every bit of it.

"They're the same," I marvelled to her softly. "Your voice in my head, it's the same as my own; the same place. There's nothing … nothing separating them."

"Because we are one."

"Yes, my Bella."