Jedi Master Misty Sman-Esay – He might be a bit limited to do what he really wants to do.
Incognito12 – I think more of Xanatos' desire here is to see for himself what Qui-Gon had seen.
Lillafiore – In this AU, I think Telos is one of those events that while those involved moved on, it never truly goes away. Not the last time we will hear about Telos.
sterling5842 – I think Xanatos will be in conflict about what to do with Shmi.
Furionknight – Thanks.
Chapter 7
A dim glow lit the white-washed walls of the small slave hovel. Xanatos looked across the kitchen table at Shmi Skywalker, a quiet woman worn from a harsh, unforgiving life of slavery that somehow managed to radiate a peace that would rival that of some Jedi masters. Under her serene gaze, he knew he was being weighed as to whether or not he was suitable to be the one to raise her son, and he accepted it. He expected nothing less.
"You said that we have much to discuss?" she said softly, lifting a mug to her lips to take a sip of tea. "Perhaps we should start with Master Jinn."
"I'm afraid he is no longer alive." Xanatos paused for a moment drawing hands more tightly around his own mug of tea. He didn't expect the words to be so hard to say. "He died protecting the young woman you met – the Queen of Naboo."
Shmi dropped her eyes, watching the steam seep from her mug in small, circling wisps.
"So the Jedi assigned Anakin to you." It was phrased as an assumption, but obviously a question.
"Not exactly," Xanatos said. He tried to decide the simplest way to explain all that had happened since his master's death. "I was Master Jinn's apprentice at one time. His last request was for me to train Anakin and the Jedi Council has given me permission to honor that request."
"I am sorry for your loss." She sat the tea down on the table in front of her. "May I ask why he chose you?"
Xanatos smiled. She was asking questions he was still discovering the answers to himself. "I think because Anakin and I have much in common. I don't know how much my mentor told you about Jedi ways." If he knew his master, details were not always the most important thing to him.
"There was not time to say much."
"Children are usually taken to the Temple in their infancy and raised according to Jedi customs and beliefs. I was taken to the Temple at nine years of age, the same as Anakin. I think my mentor asked me because I will not expect him to be something he is not."
"He did tell me others might consider Anakin too old to be trained and I was concerned. It is good to see someone who was able to overcome that obstacle."
Xanatos dropped his gaze, shifting uncomfortably. "Unfortunately, I made some very bad choices." That was putting it lightly. "I don't blame the Council for my failures, but I am convinced that if they handle Anakin's training the way they believe they should, it will be a mistake. My desire is to make sure Anakin's path is a little easier than mine was."
Shmi thought for a moment "And you think I can help?"
"Anakin fears losing you. He fears never seeing you again." Xanatos took a deep breath. "I think he should still have contact with you."
Shmi abruptly placed a hand over a trembling bottom lip. "Master Jinn said there would be no contact allowed."
"If the Council had their way, there would be none. I think Master Jinn, despite his affinity for defying the Council would have honored their wishes due to past experiences. My own contact with my father was not positive."
"Will it harm his training? I don't want to be a hindrance to him."
Xanatos chuckled lightly at her sincerity. She was no Crion Marojni and he sensed he had nothing to fear from her. "I agree that Anakin does need time to learn to trust me, to form bonds within the Order – contact with you would be a distraction he cannot afford right now. So I am asking you to wait."
"How long?"
"My thinking is that it is usual for a mentor to give their padawan a significant gift when they turn thirteen years of age. I would like for this to be his gift." His features curved into a grin thinking of how sappy it would sound when he pitched it to Obi-Wan. Then again, their master gave the kid a rock.
Shmi nodded her head trying to hide disappointment she didn't realize openly bombarded the Jedi's senses.
He reached out resting a hand on hers. "I know it's a long time," he said softly.
"Seeing as I thought I would never see him again, I can wait." She bit down on her lower lip to still its trembling.
"I would like to remain in contact with you to let you know how he is progressing – maybe send holos and ask questions from time to time."
"I would like that."
"Which brings me to the reason for this visit … I am here to learn as much about Anakin as I can and I think you are the best source." Xanatos knew he would never be able to recreate this home on Coruscant and it was probably best if he didn't, but he needed to get a sense for it.
He spent the following hours absorbed as Shmi told him of Anakin's childhood antics, sharing a sparse collection of holos. She spoke of friends that had come and gone, his greatest fears, and greatest joys. Pride and love shined deeply in her eyes as she spoke of fond memories, celebrations, and life days. And as Xanatos looked around the tiny home, he saw the story of a mother and a son with no one else but each other unfold before his eyes, and for the first time realized the loneliness Shmi had exiled herself to in giving her son a chance for something better.
"Let me show you his room," she said.
They both got up from the table, stretching limbs that had grown stiff from sitting for such a long time, and Xanatos followed her to the small room. She opened the door and flipped on the light.
"I haven't cleaned it out. I wanted to keep it as it was."
Xanatos stepped inside. The small bed was neatly made, as though still waiting for its occupant to come home. The most obvious draw was the workbench in the corner. A droid, lacking coverings for its wires and various parts, sat slumped against it. Xanatos stooped down in front of the droid, but didn't turn it on.
"This must be Threepio."
"Yes, I assume he has told you all about it."
"Oh yes." Xanatos stood running fingers over tools that still laid scattered over the surface. He closed his eyes, drinking in the ambience. The tones here were calm, focused, meditative he might say - much different than the turbulence he had often experienced from his apprentice in their short time together.
"He spent a lot of time here. It calmed him?"
"Yes. He likes fixing and building things - to feel useful. It started as an outlet for his curiosity. He liked to learn how things worked."
Xanatos gave one more glance around the room before joining her at the kitchen table again.
"I was wondering … as you said he is very curious and … tends to wander. I can't imagine that he did that as a slave."
Shmi looked down sharply and Xanatos was assaulted by a brief wave of sadness and despair.
"Watto hurt you if Anakin wandered," Xanatos suggested.
She nodded her head. "It didn't take too many times, either. Watto also threatened to sell one of us, to separate us on occasion."
"Well, I will have to figure out how to deal with the wandering on my own then," he said with a smile.
He glanced through the open window, noticing it had grown dark and realized he needed to leave soon. Still, he knew there was something else he needed to address. "About your situation here … I don't know if there is anything …" He swallowed hard. "I have already exceeded my mandate in coming; my superiors don't even know I'm here."
"Will you be in trouble?"
"I am running on the assumption that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. This is important." He smiled, and the expression turned serious again. "I am willing to challenge the Council, but cannot push too far. We are given monthly allotments, but it would take some time – years really, for me to save up what is needed."
"I understand." There was no anger or frustration, just quiet acceptance. "What you can do for me is to promise to take care of my son and give him the better life I always have wanted for him."
"I won't lie to you – the Jedi life is dangerous. But I can give you my word that I will do all I can to protect him, even if it means my life, and I will never abandon him."
There was intensity and sincerity in the deep blue gaze that gave her a measure of peace. "I thank you for your honesty."
He looked at the time before looking back to her. "I should be going. I have kept you up quite late."
Xanatos pulled on his robe and paused. to reach into a pouch on his belt. He pulled a small datachip and handed it to her.
"What's this?" she asking, taking the small token.
"It's a com frequency." He silenced her as she began to shake her head. "I know you cannot afford to send messages, I will contact you. This is a frequency I set up while I was still working undercover. I used it for informants. If you are ever in trouble or need to contact me for anything, the cost will be picked up on my end."
"Thank you," she said, cradling the small datachip in her palms as Xanatos stepped through the door into the darkened street.
He wandered back towards the small dingy inn where he had rented a room. Conveniently enough, it also housed a cantina. He took a seat at a small table away from the bulk of the other patrons and ordered a drink. It wasn't a quiet place, to say the least, filled with raucous music and yelling, but it was somewhere to think. A smile twisted his lips. Both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan would chastise him if they were here for brooding over a drink when he should be meditating. And, he had much to brood over. He had met Shmi Skywalker - the woman his every action and word would be measured against from here on, and he had the sinking realization he would fall short every time. She would always be on a pedestal, perfect in Anakin's mind.
Should he have told her of the prophecy? Of the Sith? He had decided against it. There was little she could do and he didn't want to bring any more worry than necessary into her life. It was hard enough as it was.
It was in these instances that he found the confines of being a Jedi frustrating. At one time he would have had the money and power to simply buy her freedom, but that season in his life was gone and he welcomed it. He had to make do with what he had in the path he had chosen. He considered approaching the Naboo. Anakin did save their planet after all, but that would likely involve dealing with Palpatine. Somewhere deep down, probably more out of instinct than anything, Xanatos felt he shouldn't owe any favors to politicians, especially one so keenly and unnervingly interested in Anakin. So he closed the door on that idea.
He threw back the remainder of another drink, squeezing his eyes shut as the burning liquid slid down his throat.
How can I leave her here, in these circumstances? he thought to himself, knowing it was the only option for now.
He heard a soft, familiar whisper drift above the ramble from the cantina.
~"You will do what you must. Trust the Force - a solution will present itself."~
He snapped his head up and looked around. There was no one speaking to him. He pressed his hand against his eyes, blinking to clear his head and looked at the small collection of empty glasses he had accumulated.
"Great, now I'm hearing a dead man's voice," he mumbled to himself. "I think I've had my limit." He pulled out enough of the local currency to pay for his drinks and placed it on the counter.
He wouldn't say he was drunk, but then again, he wasn't completely sober either. But, he wasn't impaired enough to not realize he was being watched. There was no imminent warning in the Force, just caution as he made his way up the stairs to his room.
After pulling off his boots and stripping down to his leggings, he dropped onto the ridiculously hard bed on his stomach. He slid his hands under the pillow, saber in hand – a way he had chosen to sleep on many undercover missions. He soon drifted into a guarded sleep.