Chapter 59
The silence was suffocating, crushing in on Ben and squeezing the air from his lungs as Anakin guided the speeder toward the Jedi Temple. A chiseled face stared straight ahead while white-knuckled hands tightly gripped the controls. Heavy emotion leaked through the Chosen One's shields – anger and grief foremost.
Ben took a deep breath, clearing his own turbulent emotions from his mind before speaking.
"Anakin, pull off here."
A blink of the eyes was the only indication the young man had heard. He continued ahead.
"Anakin, pull over," Ben demanded more insistently.
With a resigned sigh, Anakin pulled the speeder off the main airway and found a quiet parking area. He stopped but maintained his silence.
"If you need to punch me or something to let it out, go ahead," Ben said. "I deserve it."
"Is that how a Jedi is supposed to act?" Anakin murmured with a humorless chuckle. "Not that I've ever exactly been the model Jedi."
"Let's talk about this," Ben urged softly.
"It's true. I have never been the most obedient padawan, not like you. But I know that my master was serious about Chancellor Palpatine. I've never accepted invitations or gifts or messages. I feel like I just betrayed him."
"No, I betrayed him. I left you no choice but to follow where I led," Ben admitted. "I'm sorry that it hurt you."
"Was it the right thing to do? I didn't like the feeling I got while we were there. It felt wrong … it felt dark." Anakin shook his head before running his hands through his hair. "And you can bet he will invite us back."
"Something important happened there." Ben wasn't sure how to interpret what the Force was telling him. It was almost a warning. The only thing he knew was that they had stumbled onto something. "I will accept full responsibility before the Council when we present what we found."
"You plan to go before the Council?!"
"If certain senators or the Chancellor's office are keeping things from the Council, they need to know," Ben stated with conviction. "And this is not a matter we have the wisdom to handle on our own."
"Okay, let's go."
They arrived at the Temple. Anakin struggled to keep up with Ben as he hurried in focused pursuit toward the Council chambers. Ben's stomach lurched as he thought about standing before the Council, bringing information he had not yet debriefed with his master. It would be a shock and likely a disappointment to Obi-Wan.
"Knight Itires," the young padawan on duty said. "The Council is meeting. You can wait here for Master Kenobi."
"I need to speak with the Council. I have just learned some urgent information that they need to hear."
"Just a moment." She typed something into the keypad in front of her that would be displayed for Master Yoda and waited for a moment. "They will see you."
Ben stepped to the door, aware that Anakin was beside him. "You can stay out here, Anakin."
"No, we're in this together."
Both Jedi stepped through the door side by side and faced the collective stares of the Council. Ben's gaze briefly met his master's. The concern in Obi-Wan's eyes matched the questioning pulse across their bond. Ben sent quick reassurance that he was okay and then forced his gaze back to Master Yoda.
"Information you said you have Knight Itires?"
"Anakin and I have learned that the Chancellor's office obtained an image of Master Marojni meeting with Count Dooku."
Ben took a few hesitant steps forward and handed the datapad containing the image to Master Windu. The dark-skinned master's eyes narrowed as he studied the image before he began to pass it to the other masters who were physically present in the chambers.
"A warrant has been issued for Master Marojni's arrest as a traitor to the Republic," Ben added.
"We were not aware of this," Master Windu said, stone-faced as usual. "How did you find out this information?"
"Padawan Skywalker and I had tea with Chancellor Palpatine."
Ben avoided eye contact with Obi-Wan, trying to keep his focus on Masters Windu and Yoda.
"Aware you are that Master Marojni does not wish for Padawan Skywalker to have contact with the Chancellor?" Yoda offered as a reminder.
"I am aware of my master's wishes," Anakin said softly, only to be interrupted.
"Anakin attempted to decline the offer," Ben interjected. "I pursued the matter. I accepted the invitation."
"Discuss this further we will and extend a warning to Master Marojni. Dismissed you are."
Ben and Anakin offered bows and turned to leave.
"Ben, will you please wait for me in one of the side meditation rooms," Obi-Wan said.
"Yes, Master," he said, feeling the sting of the unspoken reprimand. "Anakin, would you mind meeting my apprentice after class and explain to her that I am with the Council."
"Sure, no problem."
Ben adjourned to the room indicated by his master. Once inside, he took a seat on one of the plush pillows before settling into light meditation. The order to meditate was unspoken, but Ben knew that was what was expected of him. He wasn't sure how much time passed before his master entered the room.
"Stay seated, Ben," Obi-Wan said as he took a seat across from him. "You have had some time now. What was the focus of your meditations?"
"I have been trying to reconcile the fact that not only did I disappoint you, but I also hurt Anakin. Still, I would make the same decision if faced with it again."
"And why is that?" Obi-Wan asked with a stern but gentle tone.
"I know that the Council is only operating with a portion of the information available to the Chancellor. Today is proof of this."
"And so you took it upon yourself to disregard Xanatos' wishes and exploit the interest the Chancellor has always shown in Anakin."
His master always had the uncanny ability to sum up complex situations in just a few words.
"Yes, Master," Ben admitted. His mind was a flurry of thoughts, of explanations and justifications for his actions, but he held his tongue.
"If there is something you wish to say, I want to hear it, Ben," Obi-Wan prodded.
"I don't feel this compromises us, Master. If we are aware that the Chancellor has ulterior motives and remain accountable, with Anakin and I always going together, I don't see how this is different from any undercover operation."
"You are both still young …"
"With a Council full of the wisest of the Order to give guidance," Ben interrupted quickly before bowing his head. "And we are the ones given the opportunity."
Obi-Wan let out a weary sigh as he ran a hand across his beard. Perhaps an argument with his former apprentice had not been something he had expected on his agenda for the day. Concern flooded their bond and made its way into the Jedi master's now soft voice.
"The Council believes the Sith master is close to Palpatine."
"That would explain what Anakin and I both felt in the Force," Ben murmured before lifting his head to look Obi-Wan directly in the eyes. "And it is all the more reason for the Jedi to have eyes on the Chancellor."
Obi-Wan nodded his head, not in affirmation but in a manner that suggested he was considering what he had been told. "I would like to discuss this more with you this evening."
"Yes, Master," Ben said, offering a respectful bow before leaving.
Obi-Wan stayed seated on the floor for a moment. It was hard to put a description to his thoughts and feelings and he knew he had a long evening of meditation ahead of him as he examined them all. Foremost was the nagging thought that with a Sith having claimed the life of his master and with Xanatos so close to Dooku, he did not want Ben anywhere near the Sith. That would have to be examined and released to the Force.
The tap of a walking stick against the floor lifted his gaze.
"Sense confusion I do, where calm and clarity I always find."
"I will admit I am at a loss to explain my apprentice's actions," Obi-Wan said.
"Believe he acted maliciously, do you … hmmm … to purposely betray Xanatos and compromise Anakin?"
"No, of course not, Master. He did what he felt was right." Obi-Wan took a deep breath, deciding he should get to the heart of the matter. Master Yoda would whittle it down in time. "Perhaps that's the problem. He acts more than he asks these days."
"Reminds me of you before Naboo he does." Yoda patted Obi-Wan's arm with one clawed hand. "Confidence in one's decisions … the readiness to accept the consequences … willingness to risk disappointing others to follow one's convictions … signs of maturity these are."
"And in other young knights we might call it arrogance," Obi-Wan replied.
"Depends on the Jedi it does. Believe you that ready for knighthood he was? The burden of an apprentice?"
"Perhaps it was I who was not ready," he finally admitted, putting words to the ache he felt in his chest. "It happened more suddenly than I expected."
"Unusual this is not." There was a smile in Master Yoda's eyes that made Obi-Wan wonder how long the Council had been discussing this behind his back. "Ready to discuss this matter with your peers are you?"
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan replied with a soft laugh as he got to his feet and followed the master back into the Council chambers.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Obi-Wan palmed open the door to his quarters. He had first moved here as a young knight with his new apprentice, leaving the quarters where he had lived with his master. At some point it had become a place of rest - a home. Anakin had moved in when Xanatos began his mission. Although it would have been more accurate to have him move into his own quarters, no one questioned the move, all concerned about the devastation the young knight might feel at his master's departure from the Order.
Anakin was sitting on the floor in the main room, tools sprawled out beside him as he fiddled with something on his astrometric droid. Obi-Wan wondered how many more "improvements" the spunky little droid could take before its dome exploded. Xanatos had been of the opinion that all of Artoo's improvements were Anakin's way of coping with the war. Working with his hands had always been a means of meditation for him.
The young man paused as Obi-Wan approached, but didn't look up. His feelings had served him well. So caught up in his own questions regarding Ben, Obi-Wan had not noticed the distress in his padawan brother's apprentice at the time.
"I didn't get a chance to ask how you felt after your trip to the Chancellor's office," Obi-Wan commented.
"Master warned me about the horrible things that would be said about him after he left." Anakin shrugged. "I wasn't prepared to hear them, but Ben was right in going. There was something I felt in the Force that I can't really explain."
"Ben mentioned that also. I told him that I was concerned for both your safety. The Council believes the Sith master is close to the Chancellor."
Anakin's hand slipped, the instrument he was working with skimming across the little droid's dome. Artoo let out a string of whistles and beeps that sounded suspiciously like curses.
"Sorry, Artoo," Anakin placated before resting his hands in his lap.
"Are you okay, Anakin?"
"I still remember so vividly when the Sith held me captive," Anakin murmured. "I know I am destined to meet him again."
"I believe he will find more than he bargained for the next time you two meet." Obi-Wan offered a reassuring squeeze to Anakin's shoulder. "Your master has taught you much since then."
"I hope you're right." Anakin flashed a shy, lop-sided smile. "You should go talk to Ben."
"I planned to go there after I checked in on you. If he is still speaking to me, I thought we might all get out and see Dex before we ship out tomorrow."
"I will finish here and clean up."
Obi-Wan stood and turned to leave, pausing as Anaking spoke again with a warning in his voice. "Remember. He is about ten times harder on himself than you ever are … so go easy on him."
The Jedi master held on to those words as he wandered down the corridor, rubbing a hand across his face as he approached the door to his former apprentice's quarters - the quarters he now shared with his own apprentice. He paused for a moment to allow that reality to sink in.
He knocked and Ruo opened the door.
"Good Evening, Master Kenobi," she said, offering a formal bow that didn't feel right - something he needed to remedy in this visit.
Obi-Wan didn't have to ask where Ben was. He could feel the young man's heavily shielded mind and intensely focused Force presence in his room. Turning to the young girl who was watching him anxiously, Obi-Wan spoke softly.
"How long has he been in there?"
"Pretty much since he got back," Ruo replied.
"I apologize for disrupting whatever plans your master had for your day. I will speak with him in a moment, but I thought we might talk first," Obi-Wan said, motioning to the couch.
The young girl sat down, posture still rigid like she was standing at attention. Obi-Wan sat down beside her with a deep sigh. It was so much easier for those who knew him as Obi-Wan to separate him from the Jedi master who sat on the Jedi Council.
"I imagine the past weeks have been overwhelming with how much your life is changing. You are now an apprentice, are leaving the Temple to go to war, have learned of a secret mission only the Council is privy to, and you are probably anxious because your master's master sits on the Jedi Council."
"Yes, Master Kenobi," she offered.
"Well then, we have a lot in common because my life has changed a lot in the past year. I became a member of the Jedi Council and I am still trying to accept that I belong there. I never thought that being a Jedi would mean being a general in a war. The person who is like a brother to me just left on a very dangerous mission. Oh, and did I mention that my apprentice became a knight and took an apprentice of his own?"
"Is it overwhelming?" she asked hesitantly.
"It is a lot of change, but I am older and have been through other big changes in life where I had to rely on the Force. Hopefully, it has made me a bit wiser. I do know I have spent much time in meditation lately."
"My master has been meditating with me. It helps … a lot."
"I'm glad," Obi-Wan said with a smile. "I think there is also something we could do to help each other."
"What is that, Master Kenobi?"
"To begin with, don't call me 'Master Kenobi' except when we are in a formal setting."
Ruo looked up sharply at him, confusion etched across her young features. It had been every bit as confusing when Xanatos had first demanded the same of Ben, but they both understood now.
"You may call me 'Master Obi-Wan' or even 'Obi-Wan'. I need a place to be myself - to not be a member of the Jedi Council or a general. I find that in the people I am close to - Xanatos, Anakin, and your master. I am not accustomed to such formality when with them, and we will be spending a lot of time together. I hope you can be serious when necessary, but also feel free to laugh, make jokes, and be relaxed."
"I would like that," she said softly, a question still lurking behind her eyes.
"Something still troubles you," he prompted.
"Is my master in trouble?" Ruo asked. "He is acting like he's in trouble."
"No," Obi-Wan replied with a sad chuckle. "We had a disagreement, that's all."
"I am worried," she admitted. "I haven't known him for that long, but I haven't seen him like this yet."
"I have - many times," Obi-Wan acknowledged with a deep sigh. "Your master is his toughest critic, and I need to apologize to him for my part in how he feels right now."
Obi-Wan stood and started for the door. He knocked gently and received an instant acknowledgement through the Force to enter.
Ben kneeled in the corner. Obi-Wan took a moment to observe his apprentice with the newfound guidance he had gleaned from his fellow masters.
"I should tell Master Yoda that you are attempting to rival his time spent in meditation," Obi-Wan offered jokingly.
"I still have not determined what I did wrong," the young man replied.
"Nothing, Padawan," Obi-Wan replied. "Please sit down. I have something I want to share with you."
The young man took a seat on the bed across from where Obi-Wan pulled the chair away from the small desk and sat down.
"I was recently reminded of something that happened after Master Qui-Gon found Anakin on Tatooine. I was convinced at the time that Anakin was dangerous and should not be trained. I felt quite justified in my opinion and thought my master would readily see my wisdom in the matter."
"How did he respond?" Ben asked.
"He ordered me to board the ship." Obi-Wan let out a chuckle, surprised at how vivid the shock from that moment still was in his mind. "I will admit that it made me feel like I was thirteen years old again. Fortunately, we made peace before we arrived on Naboo. Had my master survived I think we might have finally seen that argument and other differences of opinion for what they really were."
"And what was that?"
"A knight showing that he was no longer a padawan and a master not ready to let go." Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "It appears we are at this same crossroads. The truth is, I have no example of a healthy relationship between a master and former apprentice. My master passed into the Force before I was knighted and although they made peace, his relationship with Xanatos was not a healthy model."
"Am I really a Jedi knight?" Ben asked. "I mean, what has really changed? I am under your command, we still train together …"
"Would you prefer to transfer to a different command?" Obi-Wan asked.
"That would be pretty stupid," Ben shot back, sounding more like himself. "We work really well together, and you are already down Xanatos."
"I was hoping you would feel that way," Obi-Wan murmured, in a voice thick with emotion.
"I will always be at your side if you need me, Master," Ben replied. "I just need to know that you believe in me - that you trust my judgment. There is this remarkable young Jedi in the next room. I feel the overwhelming burden of not letting her down and making sure she survives to knighthood. I feel like all I am holding on to is that the Force is leading me to this."
"I believe in you more than you likely know and I am so proud of you." Obi-Wan reached out and placed a hand on his former apprentice's shoulder. "But I should warn you … what you feel right now … that need to not let your apprentice down … to protect at all costs … apparently it never leaves, even when he takes an apprentice of his own."
Ben laughed lightly, running a hand through his mane of curls.
"I think it would be good to send you and Ruo on a mission of your own," Obi-Wan said. "It may take a bit of time to find something suitable, and I need my key strategist in our upcoming campaign."
"I understand, Master."
"Well, I think everyone is suitably famished. What do you say we go find our last decent meal for a while?"
"Sounds good to me."