(A/N: Another chapter! It took about 5 times to upload this doc. :/ FFNet needs to get rid of Cloudflare. While writing this, I ordered Nami's top from this episode on Etsy, by TheAdventureEffect! Ironically, this episode pretty much cemented Nami's status as my least favorite Straw Hat. XD Enjoy!)

Chapter 3: All Out Battle! Luffy vs. Zoro, Mysterious Grand Duel!

"I can't fall in a place like this. I've got an important mission."

"How pitiful, losing against just one swordsman."

"Mr. 5! Ms. Valentine! Why are you here?!"

"You really have no idea? There're criminals here that are big enough for the boss to send us here to deal with. These're the boss' words: They've found out my secrets. Of course, I don't even know what kind of secrets they are, but..."

"So, when we very carefully investigated who learned his secrets, oh boy, we found out that a VIP from a certain kingdom sneaked into Baroque Works."

'They know! It's all over!' Igaram panicked, then jumped to his feet. "Die! Igarappappa!" He shot at them with his tube-hair shotguns. "I won't let you lay a finger on our princess! On my name as Squad Captain of Alabasta Kingdom Security!"

"Igaram!"

"Igaram, Squad Captain of Alabasta Kingdm Security. And Princess Nefertari Vivi. In the name of the Baroque Works' boss, we'll eliminate you two."

"Damn," Zoro watched the exchange from the roof, "And I left Luffy down there."

"Quickly, Vivi-sama! Please escape!"

"Igaram!" Amidst the gunshots, an explosive was sent flying over, rendering him unconscious. "Igaram!" Vivi exclaimed fearfully.

"It's no use!" Ms. Valentine floated over, and cut Vivi's ponytail holder with one kick, letting her blue hair flow down, and landed back on the ground.

"You monsters!" Vivi glared.

"You're a princess, Ms. Wednesday?!"

"Quit being dumb, Mr. 9!" She scolded.

"This is one screwed-up night!" Zoro remarked. "You guys can do whatever you want!" He frantically dragged a sleeping Luffy away.

"V-Vivi-sama," Igaram muttered weakly.

"Igaram! Are you alright?!"

"Vivi-sama! Never mind me! Just please... escape from here! For our motherland." Her eyes widened. "Without you, our kingdom of Alabasta will be... please! Hurry!"

Mr. 5 started picking his nose. "You think you can escape from us?"

An angry Vivi whipped out two of her weapons. "Don't mess with me!"

However, Mr. 9 stopped her with one bat held up. "I'm having a hard time swallowing what's going on here, but we've been a pair for a long time. I'll buy you some time! Get going, Ms. Wednesday!"

"Mr. 9!"

"Pretty manly, wouldn't you say? Bye-bye, baby! Hot-blooded Bat..."

"Mr. 9!"

Mr. 5 lowered his hand, and rubbed his thumb and index finger together. "All we need is the will to accomplish our mission. A pathetic sense of camaraderie will only bring about death. Time to learn the hard way! Nose Fancy..."

"... of Guts!" Mr. 9 prepared to attack.

"... Cannon!" Mr. 5 flicked a booger at him, resulting in an explosion.

Vivi watched in horror, as he was sent flying back into the river. "Mr. 9!"

"Whoa, now!" Zoro's eyes widened. "That's some dangerous snot he's got!" He was startled by Igaram grabbing his leg, and struggled to escape. "What the hell?!"

"Sir Swordsman! Upon seeing your skill, I have a request, unreasonable as it may be!"

"Yeah, right! Screw that! Let go of me!"

"As both of those people possess Devil Fruit powers, I can't stop them! Might I ask you to protect the princess in my place?! Please!"

Zoro stopped struggling. "Huh?!"

As the man started preparing for another explosive, Vivi quickly jumped on Karoo's back. "Karoo! Run!" They began a sprint to safety.

"There she goes," Ms. Valentine observed.

"She can't get away from us. Let's get her, Ms. Valentine!"

"Right, Mr. 5!"

"If you can safely deliver the princess to the great kingdom of Alabasta far east of here," Igaram coughed, "I promise that you will be rewarded immensely! I humbly beg of you! Please, keep the princess safe!"

"Screw that!" Zoro glared. "You were trying to kill us until just a minute ago! Don't make me cut you some more!"

Nami heard everything from a rooftop close by. "Is this "immense reward" for real?" They both turned to her. "I'll take up that offer! How does one billion berries sound?"

"Nami!"

"O-one billion Be-?!" He cleared his throat. "Ma, ma, ma~," He tested more weakly.

"I thought you were asleep?"

"Come on, now." She jumped down on the ground, and put her hands on her hips. "Who in their right mind would sleep carelessly in an overly-suspicious town that welcomes pirates? It was all an act! A-C-T, act! I could keep on going if I wanted!"

Zoro huffed. "That so?"

"Ma-ma-ma~."

Nami turned to Igaram. "So, will you promise us the one billion, Squad Captain? If you don't ask for our help, your princess will probably die," She grinned widely.

Igaram hesitated. "A mere soldier like me can't promise such large sums of money."

Nami knelt down. "You're not suggesting a princess is worth less than that, are you?" She interrogated smugly, and he flinched. "Pay it."

"Now she's threatening him!" Zoro grumbled to himself. Why couldn't it have been Venus to wake up, and come out? Sure, she would've accepted the job, but it would be out of the goodness of her heart, not petty greed.

Igaram leaned his head up. "In that case, if you're willing to safely deliver the princess there, it would be best if you negotiate the terms with her directly!"

Nami's smile grew. "Meaning I gotta start by saving her, huh?"

"Even as we speak, her life is in danger!"

"Alright, then," Nami straightened up reluctantly, "I'll save your princess for now." Igaram smiled with hope, only for her to turn to the swordsman. "Okay! Go get her, Zoro!"

"Yeah, right, you idiot!" He glared. "Why do I have to go along with your money-making schemes?!"

"Geez, you're so stupid!" Luffy started to stir, as Zoro seethed. "My money is mine, but my contracts belong to all of you!"

"That's the kind of logic a bully would use!"

"What's the big deal?! All you gotta do is cut those guys down!"

"I don't like bein' used, unlike that idiot cook!"

Luffy sat up with a groggy hum. "You're just afraid you can't beat them!"

"What?! Just try saying that some more!"

"You're just afraid you can't beat them!"

"Bathroom," Luffy mumbled, as he walked away obliviously.

"Quit repeating that crap!"

"Would you do it if Venus asked you?"

"Leave her out of this! At least she has a heart!"

"Hey, now. Have you forgotten? You owe me money."

"Huh?! I don't owe you nothin'."

"I lent you 100,000 berries for some swords in Loguetown," Nami reminded.

"I gave you the 100,000 right back! Someone gave me some swords, so I didn't use the money!"

"But you did agree to pay me back 300%- 300,000 berries total. You haven't paid back the other 200,000 berries yet."

"I gave you the 100,000 berries back the same day! Gimme a break!"

"Nope!" He flinched. "Can't you keep even a single promise?" He stayed quiet, feeling absolute rage boiling, as she felt that she broke him. "Do what I say, and maybe I'll call us even!"

"D-dammit! You're not gonna die a good death, you know!"

"Yeah. I'm going to Hell."

"Damn woman!" He sprinted away to find Vivi.

"Thanks a bunch!" She called cheerfully.

"I'm so ashamed," Igaram lamented, and Nami turned to him, "If only I'd been stronger, I could have protected the princess!"

"Don't worry about it!" She assured. "He's insanely strong!"

"If anything should happen to the princess- to Vivi-sama, the kingdom of Alabasta would be finished. She must live!"

"Run! Run, Karoo!" Meanwhile, Vivi and Karoo were still making a run for it. "There's a ship docked behind the cactus rocks! We're going to use it to escape from this island! And then we'll go to Alabasta!"

"Much better!" Luffy relieved himself outside, and turned to head back into town. "Now for more sleep!" He stopped when something caught his eye, and gaped in shock. "What in the world?!" Before him was the townspeople, all beaten badly. What happened?!

"Hurry, Karoo!" Vivi urged, but an explosion startled her. "Karoo! Stop!" They screeched to a halt, and watched the billowing smoke. Out of it stepped a familiar face. "Mr. 5... they've found us! Karoo! This way! Hurry!"

As they ran away, Ms. Valentine drifted down close behind. "Such pointless struggling," Mr. 5 remarked.

They stopped again when a burly figure stood in their path. "Ms. Monday!"

To their surprise, she pointed behind the cactus rocks. "Go on. You can use the ships through here. I'll hold them off here!"

"But..."

"Thanks to that freakishly-strong swordsman, we're all going to get punished for failing our mission anyway." She carried a long, wooden beam behind her back. "Plus I'd much rather get my butt kicked shielding a friend." Vivi stayed quiet, feeling choked up. "C'mon, what're you standing around for?! If you get killed, Mr. 8 and Mr. 9's sacrifices will be for nothing! Get going!"

Vivi's breath shuddered, as she averted her gaze. "Thank you," She almost whispered, and rode away.

"First Mr. 9, and now you," Mr. 5 remarked, "Ms. Monday?"

"I won't let you pass," She glared, "I bet my pride on it!"

Ms. Valentine laughed mockingly. "You're so funny!"

Mr. 5 started charging in, fist ready. "You're a disgrace..." She swung her beam, but he dodged, and landed his punch. "... to Baroque Works!"

Vivi gasped, stopped Karoo, and turned back at an explosion. She gaped in horror at the fire brewing, as her comrade fell. "Ms. Monday." She glared, as Mr. 5 went for her next.

"I'm a "bomb man"- I can make my entire body explode. Thanks to this Bomb-Bomb Fruit power, there is no mission I've never completed!"

Vivi gasped when she found Ms. Valentine lowering towards her savior, umbrella-first. "Using my Kilo-Kilo Fruit power, I'll bury that backstabbing Ms. Monday into the ground! I'm able to change my body weight at will! Right now, I'm light enough to be lifted by the wind! But now it's time to get heavy! 2 kilograms... 3 kilograms..." She began falling faster. "5 kilograms... 10 kilograms... 100 kilograms... 1,000 kilograms! 10,000 Kilogram Press!" She crashed down onto the muscular woman, and stood back up. "Well? Do you still think you could survive that?"

"There is no possible escape from us."

Vivi couldn't speak, noticing one of the green flowers from Ms. Monday's dress laid discarded, as she was about to cry, but kept strong. "I will survive, I will return. I will return to Alabasta alive!"

Mr. 5 readied another booger explosive. "Take this! Nose Fancy..." Zoro leaped down from nearby. "... Cannon!"

He blocked off the attack with his sword, cutting the booger in half, and the halves exploded behind them. "Mr. Bushido!" That resulted in rocks collapsing in their path behind them. "Th-the street!"

"Who's he?" Mr. 5 drolled.

Zoro exclaimed in disgust when he realized what he just did. "I cut his booger!"

"Damn you!" Vivi readied her weapon, oblivious to his intentions. "You never give up! Now, of all times!"

Zoro cut the string, sending her jewel flying, and pointed his sword at her throat. "Don't get hasty. I'm here to rescue you."

"Eh? Me?"

Meanwhile, Nami was still with Igaram, sitting on a barrel. "Say... what is Baroque Works anyway?"

Igaram stayed in hesitant silence, before he decided to answer. "A secret crime syndicate. None of its members knows their boss' face or name. Its main work is espionage, assassination, larceny, and bounty-hunting. It's all done at their boss' command."

"Why would they listen to their boss, whose identity they don't know?"

"Baroque Works' ultimate objective is the founding of an ideal nation! Everyone who does well within the company now will be guaranteed a high social standing within the ideal nation that the boss will be creating before long."

"I see..."

"The boss' codename is Mr. 0. In other words, the closer a person's codename is to zero, the higher that person's future standing will be, and more than anything, the stronger they are! The strength of those from Mr. 5 and above is especially incredible."

"So you're the swordsman who cut down all of the lowly employees in this town," Ms. Valentine observed.

"Why would you want to protect the princess of Alabasta?" Mr. 5 asked.

"I got some circumstances of my own, you see." He wasn't planning on clarifying.

"Well, no matter. You're our enemy, one way or another. You're in our way."

Ms. Valentine laughed. "Yeah! He is!"

Both men prepared to attack when a voice shouted out of nowhere. "There you are!" Luffy. And he didn't sound happy. "Zorooooo!"

"Now what?!" Ms. Valentine exclaimed.

"Luffy!" He grinned. "Thanks, but I don't need any help! Or does that wench got you in debt too?" He was oblivious to the captain's seething, furious glare being directed at him.

"I'm gonna make you pay for what you did! Let's fight!"

Zoro stared in confusion, before his words processed. "Huh?! What nonsense are you spewing this time?!"

"Shut up! I'm gonna kick your ass for being such an ingrate!"

"Ingrate?!"

"That's right!"

Earlier on, after discovering the "citizens" in shambles, Luffy went to investigate. "Hey! What happened?! Who did this to you?!" He asked one man.

"Your green-haired swordsman friend."

"What?!" He exclaimed angrily.

His belly bounced, as he seethed with fury. "Everyone in town welcomed us, and gave us lots of yummy food! But you cut down every last one of them!"

"Well, yeah, but..." Zoro tried to explain, but what cut off.

"You will pay for this!"

"W-what a dull-headed person!" Vivi remarked, and Karoo nodded in agreement.

Mr. 5 scoffed at the exchange. "Internal strife, huh? Talk about lame."

Ms. Valentine laughed. "Let's just get rid of everyone who interferes with our mission!"

Zoro sighed in frustration. "Hold on, Luffy. Listen to me; they were actually bounty-hunt-"

Luffy leaped high in the air, a fist ready. "Don't make excuses!"

"LUFFYYYYY!" Zoro dodged to make him punch rocks instead. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Yeah!" He glared. "Die!"

Zoro gawked, before jumping away from a kick. "Dammit! Listen to me! Hey!" He dodged a headbutt, and rocks crumbled around Luffy. "That idiot!" He exclaimed, as he pulled his head out of the rubble. "He's serious!"

The two agents watched the battle. "Mr. 5, it doesn't seem like they're here to stop us," Ms. Valentine remarked.

"It would seem not," He agreed, "Then let's accomplish our mission quietly." They turned to Vivi, as Ms. Valentine closed her umbrella. "Our mission is to eliminate Princess Vivi of the Kingdom of Alabasta."

"Why you! Quit running away!" Luffy and Zoro's feud continued between them, and their target.

"H-hold on, Luffy! Hear me out!"

"Let's do it, Ms. Valentine!"

"Yes, Mr. 5!" Vivi's eyes widened in fear.

"Quit screwing around, dammit!" He kicked Luffy away, launching him straight into the agents, and sent them crashing into a wall. "That dumbass!" He panted.

"Now you guys've really gotten in our way!" Mr. 5 growled.

"Ugh!" Ms. Valentine sat up. "What the heck's going on?!"

Mr. 5 regained his footing. "If you two wanna kill each other that badly, then we'll kill you both ourselves while we're at it! 'Kay?" He looked down at Luffy, who puffed in anger.

The building was totaled by a bunch of explosions, shocking Zoro and Vivi, with Ms. Valentine flying out of the carnage. "Now I'm really annoyed! Time to die at the hands of my Kilo-Kilo Fruit power!" She laughed evilly. "Get ready! As I ride this explosive blast, I weigh only 1 kilogram!"

"Mr. Bushido! You have to dodge!" Vivi said frantically to Zoro, "She's-"

"Shut up!" She stayed quiet in surprise. "This isn't the time for that right now!" His focus was on his moronic captain.

Shockingly, on cue, a now skinny Luffy emerged from the smoke, dragging an incapacitated Mr. 5 with him. "That was a good workout! Finally managed to digest that food!"

"M-Mr. 5?!" Vivi exclaimed. "No way! He took out a Baroque Works officer agent?!"

Luffy stared darkly at Zoro. "Now I can fight for real."

"Hold on, Luffy."

"Here I come!" Ms. Valentine floated above him.

"Calm down, and hear me out."

"I can change to 10,000 kg!"

"Everyone in town was a bounty-hunter; our enemy, in other words."

She became angry at his lack of focus on her. "Hey! Don't ignore me!"

Luffy dropped Mr. 5 to the ground. "Liar! Enemies wouldn't give us food to eat!"

"Take this! 10,000 Kilogram Press!" She started rocketing down to smash her target.

"Luffy," Zoro casually stepped aside, so she crashed into the ground, "Looks like trying to talk sense into you is pointless." Now serious, he tied his bandanna to his head. He was ready to fight. "You dumb dimwit! In that case, I'm gonna fight to kill too! Don't regret it when you die!"

"Sounds great to me!"

"Hold on!" Vivi exclaimed to herself, feeling confused, as Zoro held one sword in his mouth. "What's going on?! Weren't these two people friends?!"

"Gum-Gum..." Luffy stretched his arms back.

"Oni..." Zoro charged in.

"Bazooka!"

"Giri!"

They strained to overpower one another. "This is the perfect chance to see which is stronger," Zoro remarked, "Brute force, or swordsmanship!"

"Yeah!" Luffy agreed. "Let's find out once and for all!"

"Tatsu-maki!" One spin of his sword sent the captain flying

"Gum-Gum... Pistol!" Luffy landed a punch to Zoro's face, knocking him down, but both were launched into opposing walls.

Vivi waited silently, as the thick cloud of dust cleared. "What now?" She wondered aloud cautiously. "I want to escape, but will we be alright if we pass through here?" Karoo quacked in agreement, and they started a slow, careful trek through the town.

But they were startled by Luffy and Zoro bursting out of the walls, and continuing their fight. The latter managed to cut the former's cheek, while the former nailed a punch to the latter's gut.

"Damn it!" Mr. 5 complained. "The title of Baroque Works Officer Agent will be shamed, if we let these guys make fools of us!"

"Mr. 5!" Ms. Valentine grinned confidently. "Let's show them how truly terrifying we can be!"

"Let's do it, Ms. Valentine!"

"Yes, Mr. 5!" With that, they charged into the feud.

"Don't mock us! We're Baroque Works Officer Agents!"

Luffy and Zoro turned to them angrily. "Quit being so damn annoying!" They yelled simultaneously, stopping them. "You're interfering..." They punched/cut them away. "... with our fight!"

(A/N: I *could not* resist adding the 4Kids version of that one part. X'D The one good part to come from it! You know the disclaimer.)