10
"There is a sign on a barn window, 'If you can make my horse laugh, you get a free drink!' and I thought, sure" Jack leaned back against the side of the slide raft, crossing his ankles as he entertained the other survivors, well, except for the one at the other end of the raft in deep thought.
"So, what did you do?" Owen prompted, sure of a good pay off. Jack had been doing this for the last couple of hours without any qualms. Man is a walking joke book.
"Well, I went to the barn and made the horse laugh, walked back inside for my free drink" Jack shrugged.
"And?"
"And the man said… if you can get him to stop, I will give you free drinks for life!" Jack grinned widely, "And I said sure. Went out to the barn, stopping the horse and came back in for more drinks."
Barbie had leaned forward, her eyes on Jack as Ken turned his head to watch Mark slowly inch towards Ianto. He frowned as he glanced at Jack, then decided to follow the man Ianto hated with a passion.
He did not want a fight on the raft.
"So… how did you make the horse laugh?" Owen asked.
"I leaned in close and told him, explained like… how I have a bigger dick than him" Jack winked then everyone laughed, their voices bouncing off the choppy water, the storm in the distance now almost here.
"And to make him stop?" Owen asked, now turning his head to see the two men approaching Ianto, rising slowly to go in that direction as well.
"Well, I dropped my pants and proved it!"
The women shrieked even as Ianto reacted like a rattlesnake, the powerful uppercut as he rose, swivelled and faced the man coming at him was epic, as was the way the man's feet left the raft, letting him sail back and over the side of the raft into the water.
Ken stood there for a beat, then turned to look at the man now flailing as he tried to pull himself back onto the raft while screaming "Little help here!"
"I don't know" Ken said, the Texas drawl surprising everyone "seems like you are in your own shit there partner, might be, I don't want to get any on me."
"Cut it out, just help me. I think something touched my foot" Mark snarled.
"Might be a shark" Rhys said, rising to head towards him to help.
"Nah, probably a cadaver about to float up to the surface" Own replied sagely "or a zombie."
Ianto turned to stare at Owen, the corner of his mouth twitching as Owen stared back definitely, like it was a known fact zombies come for the depths of the ocean or something. Mark however, took it as read and scrambled back onboard, swinging back to see that Owen was right. A partially severed torso bobbed up beside him.
"Oh god."
"They will sink" Owen said reassuringly, "They will all sink, then when the bloat starts, in a few days they will all come up again. Like little landmines around us."
"Owen… not helping buddy" Ianto said softly. "We all want this to be… ah… zombie free?"
"Well, just stating facts" he shrugged "But you're right. The sharks will eat most of them anyway."
Ianto gaped as Jack started to cough, hiding a burst of laughter at the tepid man's bland face. Oh god. What a pistol. Finally Ianto said "I bet you and your mother do not get along."
"We are not on speaking terms… how did you know that?" Owen asked, surprise on his face.
"Well, clearly you were not given the tit enough as a child."
Now the entire place was laughing, including Owen who lamented the thought that even the mere imaginary memory of her tit coming towards him was nightmare material. This led to others talking about childhood memories, the group settling back to talk softly over the lapping water.
"So?" Jack asked as he sat next to Ianto "What are we gonna do about Mark?"
"Tie a rope on him and push him overboard to catch a huge shark for tea?" Ianto asked, then grimaced "I don't know. He doesn't seem to grasp the fact that his mission is over."
"Well, you need to work something out quick smart before he starts getting friends. We have two lift rafts thanks to you. A split might be messy if he takes some and commandeer a raft." Jack whispered.
"Or we just push him off in one" came the grunted reply.
"Meow."
Ianto snorted, then grinned. "So... the horse. You slap him with that?"
"No, that would be too cruel. Might put an eye out" Jack deadpanned, then smiled as Ianto showed amusement.
Down the other end of the raft Rhys sat next to a dripping wet idiot and said so softly that only he could hear it "try that again boyo, and I will gut you like a fucking fish and feed ya to them. Got it?"
Mark stared at the Welshman with undisguised shock as Rhys stared back then added "Me missus there is Heddlu and she knows how to incapacitate. Me? Just a little hood rat who knows how to cleave a skull. You reckon this here camera tripod I got from the luggage can do the job? I think I can at least make ya stutter."
Ianto glanced over in time to see Rhys heft the tripod, his face inches from Mark's and then Mark leaning back, his hands up in submission.
Yeah, people were choosing sides.