AN: This is just a little Nexus fic that I wanted to write (and my enabler friend helped me flesh out, of course). It will be a few chapters. I am not adhering to canon.

I own nothing from Star Trek.

I hope you enjoy! Please do let me know, if you do!

111

Beverly woke slowly. She woke like gently surfacing from the bottom of a pool—not violently and quickly forced upward for air but, rather, slowly rising through the water to break the surface with little more than a sigh.

She still felt dazed and heavy from sleep as she woke. Her head felt fuzzy, as though her mind was still swimming, somehow.

Beverly opened her eyes to a light that was almost blinding, and then the light softened a great deal. It softened until she could see that it was little more than late afternoon sunlight from a nearby window. Beverly drew in a breath. The air around her smelled warm and welcoming. It smelled of fir, cinnamon, and wood smoke. She stretched, confused but fuzzy enough that she didn't feel any urgent need to move.

As she settled a bit more into her reality—this must be reality, though her brain had a hard time remembering exactly what reality was, it seemed—she rolled away from the view of the window and toward the view of what must be a library of sorts. The dark wooden shelves loaded with books—hundreds of books—would have made the space dark, if not for the light of the several windows. The room, too, felt as though it would be quite cold, if it weren't for a fire crackling in a fireplace nearby and a soft, warm blanket draped over her body.

She was lying on a chaise in a room that was, at once, entirely unknown to her and, yet, felt as though it was one of the most comfortable and familiar places that her sleepy mind could recall.

Beverly rubbed her hand across her face. She had a bit of a headache. She pushed herself into a seated position on the chaise—a feat that was more difficult than she remembered it being. At the very least, it was more difficult than she could recall it having been for some time.

Her pulse immediately kicked up and she pushed the blanket aside as something akin to panic seized her and her muscles tensed.

When she rested her hand on her belly—a belly that looked every bit as swollen as it had when she'd been seven months pregnant with Wesley—her mind spun. She could, perhaps, dismiss it as some trick of her vision or even some sort of prop put there to make her panic—though she would have no idea why or by whom—except she felt a familiar feeling from deep inside her.

The unmistakable movement of the baby within her nearly made her panic, but Beverly willed herself to calm as much as possible and look for some sort of reasonable explanation.

She looked around the room—the comfortable, familiar, and entirely strange library—in search of something…some answer.

And she jumped, the sound of her surprise catching in her throat, as she saw another person where she felt sure that nobody had been only seconds before. The chair by the fire, empty before, now held a person. The person, however, was wholly familiar to Beverly, and she calmed, some, despite the pounding of her heart.

"Guinan…" she said.

"Relax. There was an accident," Guinan said. "You're in the Nexus."

Beverly vaguely recalled the "Nexus" of which Guinan was speaking. Slowly, things came back to her about Soran. She remembered conversations with Jean-Luc. She remembered the ship being shaken violently. She remembered all of them preparing for the crash.

"Everyone…" Beverly said.

Guinan smiled at her from the antique chair.

"You are the only one that matters here and now," Guinan said. "And you're in the Nexus."

Beverly looked around at the comfortable room with its rich wood and its warm carpets. She felt the softness of the blanket that still touched her, and she felt the comfort of the chaise—almost inviting her back for another nap.

"This is the Nexus?" Beverly asked.

"For you, it is," Guinan said. "The Nexus is different for everyone. This is how it appears to you."

"I don't understand," Beverly said. "Is this real?"

"It's as real as you want it to be," Guinan said. "The Nexus gives you what you want. This is what you wanted."

Beverly looked around. She felt the shifting of the baby inside her. She pressed her fingers into her belly.

"Is this…?"

Guinan smiled and nodded.

"As real as anything else you see here," Guinan said. "As real as your other children."

"My other children?" Beverly asked.

"They're waiting," Guinan said. "Beyond that door. Playing in the nursery or…something like that. The Nexus handles all the details—whatever it takes to give you everything you wanted."

Beverly swallowed against the lump that had almost unexpectedly formed in her throat. Taking in Guinan's words, she suddenly became aware that they were in her dream made reality. In realizing that, a part of her felt almost embarrassed by her dream—as though she needed to explain her heart's desires.

"I lost my parents when I was young," Beverly said. "I always wanted a big family. When Wes was born—becoming a mother…"

"It made you happy," Guinan offered. Beverly nodded. Guinan's smile was warm and understanding. "You're a wonderful mother. I imagine that all your children would agree."

"I always wanted more children," Beverly said. She rubbed her hand around her belly. She felt the baby beneath her palm. She swallowed against the lump in her throat. "Do you live here, too?"

"I'm only a ghost," Guinan said. "An echo. A shadow of myself—what's left behind in the Nexus."

"And everything else here?" Beverly asked.

"Some of the people you encounter in the Nexus are just the same as you," Guinan said. "One way or another, they were brought here from their lives."

"And my children?" Beverly asked. "This baby?"

"Creations of the Nexus," Guinan said.

"So—not real…" Beverly said.

"Very real to you," Guinan said. "To anyone else in the Nexus. As real as anyone has ever been. Within the Nexus, all your dreams become reality."

"Guinan—what do I do?" Beverly asked, trying to take in everything.

Guinan smiled.

"Whatever you want," she said. "I can't stay…but I'll be back. Beverly…" Beverly hummed in question, still trying to fully absorb everything. "Try to relax. Enjoy it," Guinan finished.

And then, as surely as she'd somehow just appeared, she'd simply gone. The antique chair that sat by the fire with its embroidered back was empty, as was the one beside it—a scene that suggested Beverly might sit and read, in front of the fire, with her husband.

The father of her children.

Her children.

Beverly had longed for a large family. She had wanted so many children. When she'd been dating Jack, she'd told him that much. She dreamed of being one of those women that was positively swimming in little ones.

Of course, she knew that would hold its own challenges for her, and for her career, but Beverly felt confident that every woman could have it all—they could have everything they wanted to have, at least—and she thought that she was no different. She could decide how she wanted her life to look, and she didn't have to feel any sort of shame or embarrassment, no matter what she chose.

She never had too much of a chance, though, to make too many choices or to explore too many options. Though Jack had agreed to support her in the pursuit of whatever she wanted, including numerous children, they'd only had Wesley before his death. And, following Jack's death, Beverly's main concerns in life had been caring for Wesley and growing her career to support him and show him that she could do anything…and so could he.

She had tried to be everything to Wesley and, in many ways, she'd used that as something of an excuse to put her own desires up on a shelf.

What did it matter? As a widow, she felt hardly in a place to have the large family she wanted. There were other avenues, of course, to achieving the motherhood she wanted, with the number of children she dreamed of having, but she was a bit too traditional, deep down.

Deep down, there was a part of her that was extremely traditional, in fact.

Beverly probed at her belly, searching out the now-still little one. She found it and, pressing it gently, coaxed it to move for her. She closed her eyes and drew in a breath. For a long moment, she sat simply relishing the sensations and the experiences that she'd half-convinced herself that she would never have again.

This was as real as she wanted it to be, and already she ached for it to be very, very real.

Beverly pushed herself up off the chaise and got her balance. It had been some time since she'd felt this shift in her point of gravity and, even then, it had been much more gradual than what she was now experiencing. It didn't matter. She would adapt to it, and she would welcome it. She already welcomed it. Standing, feeling the weight of her baby, she felt a wave of gratefulness for the Nexus. She found a shawl she wanted—but hadn't previously noticed—among the blankets on the chaise, and she wrapped it around her shoulders, hugging herself in the comfort of it.

"Mama…"

A voice called from outside the room.

"Mama…" Another echoed.

Beverly's heart pounded.

"Coming," she said, instinctively. She nearly rushed toward the door of the library. As she stepped out, she was greeted by young faces—five of them, to be exact. She couldn't help but smile as her stomach rolled, her heart leapt, and the baby inside her reminded her that she wasn't quite done yet.

"Did you have a nap, Mama?" The oldest of the girls asked. Beverly marveled briefly at her accent.

"Yes…I suppose I did," Beverly said.

"We were very quiet," one of the younger boys said with pride. "Weren't we, Mama? We were quiet like little mice!"

Beverly's throat ached.

"You were very quiet," she said. "I know. Let's—play a game. Just for fun…why don't you…go around and tell me your name and how old you are?"

The oldest boy furrowed his brow at her.

"Why would we do that?" He asked. "Are you not feeling well? Should we tell Papa?"

Beverly's heart reacted, once more, to the mention of "Papa," just as it had to each unfolding of the Nexus's secrets. Of course, there must be a Papa somewhere. After all, Beverly had hardly conceived six children on her own, even in a dream world. Besides, deep down, she knew that she was traditional enough that she would dream of a husband to go with her large family.

There was certainly a Papa somewhere, and she didn't want to alarm him.

"I'm fine…it's only…a test," Beverly said, trying to sound cheerful. "A challenge. Something to be sure that…everyone has learned their name and their age well. It's important to be able to recite those things, any time you're asked."

The boy seemed hesitant, but he accepted that his mother had a demand for him, and he was going to try to do what she wanted.

"Matthew," he said. "And I'm ten."

"Olivia," the oldest girl said, smiling broadly. "And I'm ten."

"Twins…" Beverly mused, suddenly wondering if she might attribute the now-significant activity in her uterus to more than one child to come. She didn't have a tricorder, nor did she know where or how to acquire one, so she would have to wonder for now.

"Excellent," she said as encouragement. "And you?" She asked.

"Thomas! I'm five!"

"Mimi…six…"

"And I'm Madison," the smallest said. "I'm four." She displayed her fingers to back up the information that she shared with Beverly.

Beverly's heart swelled. These were her children. Granted, she'd only just met them, but something in her heart knew them. Her soul knew them.

Her desire knew them. They were a wish fulfilled. They were her children.

"Of course, you are," she said. "And you're all wonderful…and I love you very, very much!"

She was a little surprised, as she said the words, to realize how much she truly meant them. Already, she did love the children dearly. The feeling seemed to be instant, from deep inside her, fueled, perhaps, by the Nexus or, perhaps, by her long-time yearning for just what she'd been given here.

"We love you very much, Mama!" Mimi said enthusiastically. She slipped her little hand into Beverly's.

"I've started preparing things for supper," Olivia offered. "Everyone's helped. We've cleaned the vegetables, Mama. Everything's ready."

Beverly praised her daughter and thanked all the children for their help. Supper. That was another thing—another surprise. But, surely, if everything in the Nexus was as real as Beverly—and as real as she wanted it to be—there must be supper. And, since she was "Mama," surely she would have to prepare it for her little ones—for her family.

From somewhere, Beverly heard a thump. Something else—some sound.

"Papa's home!" Thomas howled before running off. Madison scurried after him, and Mimi let go of her hand and darted off, too. Matthew followed them, but he did so in a much more dignified manner than the little ones, and Beverly swallowed a wave of laughter as she realized that he would be at that age where he was just starting to crave being seen as more than a child.

"Do you need any help, Mama?" Olivia asked.

"No, sweetheart," Beverly offered, squeezing her daughter's shoulder affectionately, noting how much the little girl looked like she had. "No, I just—I need to get something else from the library. Why don't you go and see your Papa? I'll be right there."

"I'll tell him you're coming, Mama!" Olivia agreed. "And I'll tell him about supper!"

She left, following in the steps of her siblings, and Beverly stood for a moment, alone, and took in the house around her. It felt comfortable. Already, it felt like home. She didn't know if she carried one child or two, but she already felt blessed to be carrying them. She already felt that her heart held that special kind of affection for each of the children that couldn't be faked.

This was her dream, and it was as real as she wanted it to be.

There was nothing to get from the library. She'd only needed a moment to steady herself and gather her nerves. She would leave—walk in the direction that her children had run—and she would find them. Even now, she could hear them chattering wildly and happily.

She started walking. As she did, she realized that there were decorations around the house. The smell of fir was not accidental. The house was decorated in a warm and welcoming manner for Christmas.

She would soon reach her children, and she would soon prepare their supper, and she would celebrate Christmas with them—when? Soon.

And she would meet her husband.

The Nexus, it seemed, promised her that her dreams would come true. It promised her heart's desires. So far, it hadn't missed the mark, and she could only wonder what it might provide for her in the way of a husband. She could only imagine what it might mean to have a husband here.

She supposed, though, that much like what had happened with everything else, she would love him when she saw him.

As Beverly stepped into the living room and around the Christmas tree, she found her children huddled around their father, fussing over him as they traded shoes for slippers and welcomed him home with chatter about their day, and toys they wanted for Christmas, Mama, and the supper to come.

As Beverly's eyes focused on her husband, he got to his feet to greet her.

She stopped. Her heart felt like it stopped, too.

"Jean-Luc," she said, the name barely able to even escape her lips.