or how drama king and knight created a history
Arthur almost feels good. The high stack of knights' reports is by now down to four pages and he has no other plans for his evening. Just nice dinner, maybe a hot bath and then he can finally start writing his love letter for Gwen. Yes, everything was calm and beautiful. Until Audry, the main chief bursts into his room with two guards behind her.
"We apologize Your Highness! We tried to stop her, but she was rather forceful…"
"Who is forceful?! I just need to talk to His Highness. Do you think I will assassinate him? I make him three foods a day plus snacks. If I wanted, he would be dead by now."
Arthur frowns at last remark, but waves the guards away. Audry stands tall and victoriously watches two leaving men. As soon as the door close, she turns to Arthur and her cheeks are red from agitation.
"Your Highness, I know that you treasure your knights. And we all respect you for that. But this affair has come too far! I can no longer pretend that everything is fine and keep my mouth shut! I must seek your judgment and punishment for the evildoers."
Arthur´s head spins. Since he was put in charge of knights, he always placed their characters as one of the main requirement for this position. Thanks to it he saw maybe two cases of knights abusing their power or authority for bullying, and both cases ended with harsh punishment for preparators. He straightens and focuses.
"Which knight dared to cause you harm?"
"Sir Gwain!"
Arthur is now fully flabbergasted. He never expected someone so easy-going to cause serious problems for kitchen staff.
"Oh. What are you accusing him of?"
"Accusing? I am not here to express some vague suspicions. I am here for recompensation! That man is menace! Since he became knight, he is always sweet-talking and flirting with my girls and disturbing the working environment! Every time he comes the effectivity drops by half! He shouldn't even BE in my kitchen! But that is not the worst! NO! I am sure he is stealing MY food! I caught him once red-handed, but he is sly one that one. I am sure he has some accomplices between my staff that help him smuggle food outside. I am even positive that he was teaching younger knights how to steal my food, because now I have at least two intruders per week. You need to do something! There is no way we can work under these conditions!"
When she sees no expression of outrage on Arthur´s face, she narrows her eyes. "And you need to do something soon, sir. Or I am afraid that the kitchen supplier might make some mistake in future, and I would be very distress if only thing available for your dinner was carrot." Then she brightens and with refreshed smiled turns to door. "Thank you, Your Highness for hearing me out. I am sure you can find some solution, preferably by the end of week."
Arthur sits there processing what just happened. Did the cook just threaten him with carrots? Because if she did, it was very, very effective. He stands up and tells guards in front of his room to call Sir Gwain. It looks like his free evening is suddenly not so free.
….
"Gwain, how long do we know each other?" asks Arthur. He is leaning on his chair with one hand supporting his chin.
The main troublemaker is standing before him, in polished armour, clean cloak and looking more decent than he hhas any right to be. Arthur is guessing he is having a rendezvous soon, because he would never put so much effort in his appearance otherwise. The knight now blinkes and slowly replies.
"Uhm, something about three years, now? What is it? Did I miss our anniversary or something princess?"
"No, you didn´t. But tell me Gwain did I ever steal your girl?"
"What? No!"
"Good. Then maybe did I destroy some of your earthly possession?"
"No. Don´t think so."
"Fine, then did I ever say anything dishonourable about your mother?"
"No? But you said some questionable things about her son."
"That were utterly necessary and mainly true. So, if I didn´t do anything, SIR Gwain WHY do you hate me?! Because that is the only reason, I can think of for why you would steal food from castle´s kitchen! You know you are knight, right?! You are noble now! Your meals are part of your wage, and servings are quiet large too! Even if you are still hungry, you can just order something from any servant you see! So why are you doing this to me?!"
Gwain doesn´t look even a bit apologetic (not that Arthur expected him to be): " Your Highness, maybe you are used to having around people whose only purpose is to fullfield your every command, however we lowly mortals usually don´t. It is highly unethical to expect from some poor servant to drop everything they were doing just to prioritise my wishes, mainly if I am perfectly capable of fulfilling them myself. Also, I am used to skipping breakfast and seeking meals in latter hours of night, when there is usually no kitchen personnel present. So, even if I am willing to ask somebody there is often nobody there."
"Are you finished?" asked Arthur and wearily crosses his arms. Somewhere in back of his head there is headache forming.
"Almost. Most important thing for the end. Every knight has his eyes set at one goal. We train, fight, and die pursuing this most ancient wish that has been passed down with blood of our fathers from time immemorial. All our skills and experiences are just a tool to achieve it. Honour is just by-product of our desperate tries to reach for the greatest value. What is it you ask? The source of all living man dreams and goal of every dead one. The inexplicable, elusive yet magnetically seducing sense of lady Adventure!" finishes Gwain with arms spread wide, heavy breathing and shining eyes.
"Sir Gwain."
"Sir, yes, sir."
"Are you seriously telling me right now that your night expeditions are meant to fulfil your sense of adventures?"
"And my belly. But yes, that is basically it. You know it looks easy, but getting something from kitchen without anyone knowing is quiet the feat. There is this pool going on about who gets out the largest quantity of food. Somehow Merlin is winning, however he is not a knight, so knights´ championships are soon happen.."
"Get out!"
"Sir?"
"I said get out of my sight this instance! My knights are all animals!"
King´s loud voice and profound vocabulary was heard down lot of halls that day.
…
The door opens after quick knock and Gwen comes inside Arthur chamber, looking quite nervous. Arthur straightens and tries to look more royal and important, not as someone with headache over kitchen dispute and strict carrot diet for past 4 days.
"Hi, Arthur? I apologize for bothering you during your work, but I was just…uhm…well I was just wondering that if you know that there is probably going to be a civil war in Camelot? I mean you are king so obviously, you would know, but still…"
"There is going to be a WHAT?" repeats Arthur and pen he is still holding in his hand snaps.
Gwen looks at him with mix of pity and worry. "I through you knew. Because you didn´t do anything this last week the kitchen staff decided to hire guards for protection. They promised them better lunches and in consequence reduce the knights' portion to cover it. And now knights are outraged and some even decided to raid the kitchen for proper food. Luckily some maids took a pity on them, so they sneaked them food and well basically, the whole castle is now divided into 2 factions. Defenders wear blue and Crusaders wear red."
Arthur's brows risen. Gwen rolled her eyes. "Gwain is a bit dramatic. He said that eating is a scarred purpose of human life and everybody who tries to keep him from it is barbarian and should have their salary deduce for not fulfilling their responsibilities."
Arthur feels emptiness creeping over him. "You know what Gwen? It is funny. Camelot survived more disasters than any other kingdom, we had plague, famine, war, even magic attacks, but I have never imagined that our fall will be due to a kitchen dispute. "
Gwen tries to supress a smile and crossed room to massage Arthur shoulders: "Well, I see that Gwain is not the only one with flare for drama. Birds of feather flock together, I guess."
"This is not funny Gwen. This is stupid and childish and I shouldn´t be the one who must solve it! It is just ridiculous!"
Gwen now smiles fully and lightly kisses Arthur´s forehead. "Sometimes it is the little things that matter. You´ll figure out something. You always have. That´s why we trust you. You can make fair judgment and make everybody uphold them. You care about your people and that´s why we listen to you. Uhm, maybe except Merlin. And speaking of him, please try to do something very soon or else your manservant can disappear for forever?"
Arthur turns and looks at her with confusion: "Why? Did something happen?"
"No not really. But Merlin is very good friend with some of your knights, so he was supposed to be in red team, but he is also very good friend with lot of servants and guards, so he could be on blue side too. In conclusion he is neutral and nobody likes it. He also parades everywhere wearing both colours and I am afraid that can be misinterpreted as provocation for both groups. So please, stop this before he really gets hurt." Gwen finishes with second light peck on his cheek and heads to door.
Arthur halts her: "Come to think of it which side are you on? Defenders or Crusaders?"
"That´s quite obvious. I have been servant my whole life so obviously I am in blue team. Also, I think that your knights can handle slightly lighter diet for a while and stop disturbing kitchen."
Arthur doesn´t comment. His evening is spent in silent mussing. Finally in late hours of night just before his mind wanders off to place, we go when we are asleep, an idea flashes in his mind. With satisfied smiled he drifts off.
….
As a historian it never case to amaze me the complexities of castle inner working. The influx of people during king Arthur reign meant that all work had to be strictly organized and supervised, so everybody was well fed and protected.
It is precisely in this time we first see beginning of Beggars Table. It was usually placed in some public space in castle and supplied with bread, fruits or other kitchen leftovers. It functioned as place where food could be found even when the kitchen was not working and provided light refreshments for inhabitants of citadel as well as visitors. It could be also perceived as political symbol of prosperity and abundance, meant to impress foreign ambassadors.
Although this tradition can be later found in some neighbouring kingdom, Camleton till this day can be view as special case, because it is the only kingdom that had its Beggar Table guarded by honour guard consisted of knights. Some record suggest that it was way for king to punish minor trespasses against knight code. However, we also have documents which show us that it also served as tactical exercise, where two separate parties tried to guard and steal served food. In one document there is even a list of knights that were playing part of looters. Most successful of them all was apparently Sir Lancelot du Lac, who with help of some unnamed servant manage to acquired 5 loafs of bread, 20 sausages and whole chicken, and delivered it without anyone noticing to Knights quarters. How was this deed realized is beyond my comprehension…
From Jeremy of Monmouth History of Golden age in Camelot: Legends and Myths
Special thanks to Poe´s mom, aselbiray58 and Iclose, may your day be full of magic.