A year ago, if you had told me that I'd be fourteen, hungover, napping in the park and catching Minato's freaking son as he tried to draw on my face, I'd have said you were crazy.

Yet here we are.

The boy couldn't have been anything other than Minato's son. I mean, just look at him! And not only that, he was the Kyuubi jinchuriki. What the fuck were they thinking?

I could see it now: goddamn selfless Minato's sacrificing himself and his son for the good of the village, and then they practically abandon the child...this child had clearly been neglected. For seven, he was a little short, his clothes were shabby and had nothing in the realm of adult supervision around. Okay, at seven, I was wandering around by myself, or with the boys, but who would let the jinchuriki out alone?

I was aware of other villages attitudes to the jinchuriki, and knew Konoha was very much the same. In ROOT, we were aware there was one in the village, but we were told to avoid interaction unless necessary. While parental supervision was lacking, he was monitored by ANBU at all times.

Oh yea. Remembering this, I dropped his wrist before one dropped down and stabbed me.

"Hey lady! That hurt, dattebayo!" He said, grabbing his wrist and rubbing it.

"Ah, my apologies. Although next time, I'd advise not sneaking up on sleeping shinobi - it's a dangerous game."

His eyes widened. "No way! Are you a ninja? But you're a girl! You don't look like one! You know, I'm going to be a ninja! Jiji said I can go to the Academy next year! I'm going to be the best ninja there ever was!"

Dear sweet god, did no one tell this boy about volume controls? My head could not cope.

"Really, that's a super cool story," I tried to be enthusiastic but I was failing. "But you know the main trick with ninja? We have to be super sneaky and quiet...think you can do that?"

"I can be sneaky! And quiet!"

No. No you could not. I sighed. "But then how did I catch you with the pen to my face? And drawing on strangers? That's like the lamest prank ever."

His eyes widened in shock. "No it's not, it's super funny! And I can do much better pranks, you just watch dattebayo!"

"But I could have been really mad at you, that wouldn't have been good at all!"

"It's okay, I run really fast!"

Good Lord, he had no sense of self preservation. In a world where Jinchuriki are distrusted and hated, someone let this child become an annoying public menace? And didn't even teach him consequences. Considering the work I had already put into Killer B and Gaara's reputations, there's no way I'd let Minato's son be subject to the same stupid prejudice they were, and in my own village none the less.

"Nope. Unacceptable." I said, and the kid furrowed his brows. "Tomorrow, we're meeting right here and I'm going to show you the ropes. Pranking isn't just slap-dash. And if you get caught and have to run away, you're doing it wrong."

"Hey, I'm plenty good lady!"

"Maybe, but I'm better." I ruffled his hair. "Little green headed boys like you stand out a mile away."

"WHAT! I don't have green hair! You're crazy, lady!"

"Really, might want to check that." I smirk and gestured you his head. When I ruffled his hair, I placed a hair colour altering seal on...not dissimilar to what I had done with Minato years ago. I had actually made it to annoy Shisui, but needs must.

He tried to look up, and pulled a strand of his hair to over his eyes. He went all cross eyed trying to look. "Ehhhh!?" He looked at me and I tilted my head. "How'd you do that!?"

"Come tomorrow and you'll find out." I crossed my arms.

He squinted his eyes and me and I could practically see the cogs working in his brain. "Deal!" He stuck his hand out to me, offering a handshake. I took it.

"Good, now scram! And stay out of trouble until tomorrow-I have plans...hey, and what's your name anyway?"

"It's Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo! Don't forget it! I'll be Hokage one day!"

"I'm sure you will," I smiled as he ran off, green hair bouncing.

With Naruto (Naruto? Seriously? What time of ramen loving freak did Minato knock up? And an Uzumaki? That held potential interesting repercussions) gone, I settled into the tree again. I was half dozing off, when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to find a sheepish looking Shisui, holding a coffee and some kind of breakfast pastry out to me.

"Oh my god, gimme!" I lunged for the treats. He sat down beside me.

"So, how bad are you feeling, on a scale of one to ten?"

"A solid seven. I'm plotting Jiraiyas demise as we speak." I took a sip of the coffee.

"You know, I do feel a little of this was at least partially self inflicted. There is no pity - especially as you nearly vomited on me last night."

"As if Shunshin Shisui couldn't have moved out of the way of a little vomit. And I gave you plenty warning, so pipe down."

"Still, I'd prefer it if this wasn't a regular occurrence, okay?" He gave me a concerned look.

"Lesson learned, hangover gets a zero out of ten, do not recommend."

"Glad to hear it," he sighed. "Now, what do you remember from last night?"

I snorted, "Like, all of our chat? Like I said, it's cool. No need to repeat ourselves. I may have been wasted but I still meant everything I said."

"But I was awful to you! After everything you've been through, and I practically rubbed salt on the wound. Fugaku told me everything about your involvement in the coup...and then what you said yesterday in the Hokage's office about Danzo's plan for me-"

"I knew it! You were the ANBU in the rafters! You really need to work on that, by the way. Getting noticed is very bad form."

"I just overheard some dick wanted to pluck my eyes out, how do you think I'd react?"

"But it was all part of the investigation? It's in there," I said, confused.

He sighed. "After my...reaction in the ROOT base, Kakashi and Fugaku made sure I was pulled from any further discussions. They said I was emotionally compromised."

"Ah...sucks man. So does that mean you haven't read my file...?" I asked, with a bit of hope. I'd gone through some rough shit, but didn't want Itachi and Shisui to know everything. I'd hate if they changed the way they looked at me too much.

"Nothing other than what you showed us in the file."

I sighed in relief. "Well, I can't say I'm disappointed...not really the kind of stuff you want passed around, you know?"

"But Erena...why didn't you tell us?"

"Itachi asked the same. The truth is I didn't want to get you involved, get hurt...the risks were too high. When Danzo explained his plan for you, I lost my shit. The stress of the three days of planning and creating those fucking seals was insane. I don't think I could have handled any more."

"...Three days? That took you three days?" He seemed shocked.

"Well, technically two, but a girls got to sleep sometime, you know?"

Shisui shook his head. "I don't think you realise how ridiculous you are."

I shrugged, "Sometimes I just wish I was normal...I think it would be a lot less traumatic."

He gave me a light hug, "Ridiculous or not, what you've gone through shouldn't have happened...but now it's up to the rest of us to make sure you're safe."

"As if. That's practically a full time job."

"We'll job share...now, I do have one question for you though?"

I frowned. "Go on?"

"Since when were you such a creepy bitch? Between your Killing Intent and the whole gross bone healing shit...your creep factor is off the charts."

I take it back. I haven't missed Shisui at all.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why am I friends with you again?"

"What? I'm impressed! Imagine doing that out in the field, you'd send your enemies crying home to their mothers!"

"That's the whole point. Show them your inner thoughts, scare the crap out of them, no fighting. Everyone wins."

"Inner thoughts? I thought that was a genjutsu?" He looked concerned.

"No trace of an illusion about that, Shisui. That Killing Intent was one hundred percent authentic. That's what you get with years of pent up emotions."

"You feel that?"

I gave a dismissive wave. "A result of ROOTs special brand of psychological torture. It's not like a feel it right now. All I currently got is profound regret and a smish of nausea. That would only make for a very confusing Killing Intent."

He seemed stunned. "Erena...I can't even begin to imagine what you could have gone through to feel...that...I-"

"Nope!" I stood up and crossed my arms. "None of that. Let's just leave our feelings at the door. If I wasn't feeling so awful, I'd kick your butt in a spar, so your just going to have to take a rain check."

"Kick my butt in a spar? Methinks you overestimate yourself slightly," he got up and brushed himself down. "We both know in a fair fight, I'd win."

I grinned. "Yes. But you forget, I don't fight fair."

When I made my way up to the Hokages office, I felt almost human again.. upon entering, the Hokage was alone. There were two seat present, so I'm guessing Jiraiya was simply late (I secretly hoped he was dead in a gutter, but I was never that lucky).

"Ah, Erena. Welcome! I trust you survived last nights activities?" His eyes sparkled. Oh, he knew everything.

"Fortunately, although it was a close call. I might not make it to tomorrow, once Yoshino get a hold of me, though."

He chuckled. "Always fear the matriarch."

"No shit."

He paused for a second. "Now, before Jiraiya stumbles in, I need to discuss something with you - "

"If this is about Naruto, save it," I said through gritted teeth.

"Excuse me?" He looked angry for the first time since I met him. It's amazing how everyone has a limit, and it looks like Naruto was his. He clearly cared, even if it were just because he was the Jinchuriki, and I could work with that.

"Look, just answer me one question honestly, okay?" His eyes narrowed but he nodded. "Why the fuck is Minato's son, the villages Jinchuriki, been left abandoned and neglected, with no emotional, social or moral guidance, in a village that hates him? Do you know how fricking dangerous that is? You're lucky I have full confidence in Minato's sealing or you'd have a very unstable Jinchuriki on your hand...and to be honest, it could still happen...he's basically a ticking time bomb."

The Hokage sighed. "Another one of my mistakes. I hoped to give him even a whisper of a childhood, but despite my efforts the village are set in their ways. They are not allowed to discuss his status - and his true parentage is a closely guarded secret, only a select few know. I try to give him as much support as I can, but unfortunately I am limited by the Hat."

I scoffed. "Well that's the biggest crock of bullshit I've ever heard. You can do whatever you want, that's the point."

"Unfortunately politics if not that simple."

"Sure it is. It's just a game - you've just got to be the smarter player. Listen, I can tell you actually care about the kid, and genuinely regret some terrible choices...I guess you do have a heart after all." He gave me a dry look. "But let me at him - fully supervised and all - and I'll help him. I'll give him a support network, teach him manners, and within a year or two, improve the villages perception of him. I can't fix it - that's up to him - but I can give him a chance."

"And what makes you think you'll succeed?"

"I have a proven track record. And I never make promises I can't keep."

He considered me for a moment. "I will accept, but with certain caveats." I nodded. "The secrecy laws still hold - you will not tell him anything. Every meeting will be fully monitored and there will be an intervention if necessary. And you are not to attempt to even look at his seal...do you understand?"

"Loud and clear, boss!" I saluted. "Basically: lie to the orphan about his parents, beware the voyeurs, and 'if it ain't broken don't fix it.'"

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" He muttered to himself, shaking his head.

"Nah, I have a one hundred satisfaction rate. I'd give you references, but that defeats the point of what I achieve."

"To change the minds of the masses...you are a dangerous kunoichi, aren't you?"

"Not really...my aim isn't murder and mayhem. Only then would you need to be worried."

"Hmmmm..." he said looking sceptical. "As Jiraiya is not here, I believe we should continue regardless. Based on previous experience, if he's not here by now, he likely won't surface until late this evening. And unfortunately I have a schedule to keep."

I shrugged, but a part of me was gleeful. A painful Jiraiya made for a happy Erena.

"Now, you know my proposal - for you to become the villages Seals Mistress. You will have full autonomy, however will have certain quotas to adhere to. Following our discussion yesterday, use of your Time Bubble will be prohibited by others, however you may do so when given direction. While in employment, any seals developed will remain property of Konoha."

I suspected as much. Basically, I'd be at their beck and call, and the village would financially profit from my talent. It also tied me to the village - except whatever salary I negotiated, I was unable to financially profit...which was now most of those within fuuinjutsu made a living.

I screwed my face up. "Sorry, but no thanks?" This was awkward. "I have plans, and I can't just be a seal producing monkey for the rest of my life. That kind of life would destroy me...but I hope my alternative suggestion should be decent." He eyed with interest. "I'd still produce seals- just me what you need any their yours- but I can offer you something else...tell me, what would you prefer your legacy to be? The God of Shinobi who let his student and friend commit atrocities within his village, or the God of Shinobi who helped forge peace throughout the Elemental Nations?"

His eyebrows shot up...I had him with only two simple questions. I knew he was thinking about our last conversation, so it didn't take a genius to see where this was going.

"Right now, the clans are more unified than even during the villages inception. And without going into detail, that was all me...and I managed that within ROOT. Imagine what I could do outside of it. Now, I'm sure Hiashi has spilled the beans of our first encounter?" Sandaime nodded. "What should have been a political disaster turned into a peace treaty with one of our greatest enemies. What if I could promise you two more major treaties within the year, and the rest to fall like dominoes?"

"I would say that you require a more thorough psychological examination."

"Well, I'm not going to argue that," I laughed. It was true. "But, as I said, I don't make promises I can't keep."

"And who, exactly, would these treaties be with?"

I grinned ferally. "Mist and Sand."

His eyes widened. "That is impossible."

"Not at all. It's easy when you know how."

"If you could achieve this, it would be unprecedented. War would become a thing of the past."

I gave him a soft smile. "Treaties can be made, but they can also be broken. I can give you peace on a platter, but how you use it is up to you. If you can't look after it, then I won't find it for you."

"But what about Iwa? They will never agree to it. And without them, the threat of war if still alive."

I shrugged. "Iwa will never treaty with Konoha directly, correct. But they will to our other allies...once Mist and Sand are on board, Iwa will be feeling vulnerable and reach out to one of the others. And once that happens, the game stops."

"There is too much conjecture there."

"The proof is in the pudding."

"Say you can do this...what would you gain?"

"Nothing. I want nothing, and I'll ask for nothing."

He seemed to be considering his options...which was a lie because he made up his mind at the beginning. And people say I'm dramatic.

"I accept."

I rolled my eyes. As if you were ever going to decline.

The next few days were spent hashing out the details. Mist was the necessary first, step, but it wasn't a simple one. It wasn't called "Bloody Mist" for a reason, and the reputation of the Mizukage wasn't a great out. Karatachi Yagura, the Yondaime Mizukage, was a little bit mad, in my opinion. The latest rumours were that he had lost his grip on whatever shread of sanity the Jinchuriki had, and had become a savage ruler. He was cruel and craved violence...not exactly the kind of person you'd want a treaty with.

What I needed to gauge is if he was a lost cause, or if his humanity could be teased out if him again. And if not, well...Kage's fall, don't they? The Sandaime hadn't liked my casual approach to removing a Kage from power one bit, but what was he expecting? I don't work with mentally questionable sadist dictators...been there, done that.

I needed all of Konoha's intel on Mist, and I needed to speak to my Infiltration Corps members who were posted there. They were vital to creating an appropriate cover.

I explained I needed one month for intel gathering in Mist (no matter what we had, it wasn't enough. The current state of affairs needed to be assessed), then a further two to four months, depending on the outcome. If I could work with Yagura, fine. If not, setting up a revolution with guaranteed success? A little more time, please.

When I told him this, he interjected and asked who my partner would be.

"Um, I don't play well with others," I said.

"Then we have a problem. I cannot allow a powerful newly rejoined kunoichi run around the continent playing war games without knowing what is going on. And I can guarantee, if I sent you to Mist alone, and without appropriate protection, the consequences would not be worth it."

"Okay, then I'll take someone from Infiltration...easily solved."

"No. While you trust your members, I need more reassurance."

I knew he wasn't going to budge.

"Fine. Give me a selection. Male, Jounin level, no bloodlines." Sending anyone with a bloodline to Mist right now would be suicide if discovered. "Ideally with stealth or espionage experience, but not mandatory. I get to pick. I'll need one month to train them, but if they fail, I get my Infiltration Corps."

The next day I was handed a large pile of files. Thirty to be exact. There were some pretty decent candidates, and I thought I was going to have to go out and assess them all (which would be so boring), until I reached near the bottom.

I threw the file at the Hokage. "This one."

He opened it, and his expression became surprised. "Really? Are you sure you're not sabotaging so you get your Infiltration Corps partner?"

"Nope. Him or no one."

I hoped Maito Gai wasn't very attached to his eyebrows.