The hardest part of command for Kate had always been managing people. There were few careers where a leader was so wholly responsible for the wellbeing of their workforce as the military. She had always found it invasive, a horrid prickle of embarrassment as she approached the men and women of her command and pried into their loves and losses and fears and pains. She hated it but she did acknowledge its importance. Everyone had at least one story of misbehaviour, mayhem, drunkenness or even death because someone's leader hadn't kept a close enough eye on their sailors. On a patrol boat, they couldn't afford it even a little, too many personalities in a confined space to let anything fester.
And Swain was festering.
She had seen it the moment he came aboard, the unnatural silence of his presence, the stillness of his open face. She'd hoped vainly that it was fleeting, that he would emerge with his usual sly humour and settled calm.
But the days stretched and she could no longer deny his sadness.
"Ma'am?" Charge's voice said a lot in a simple honorific and she followed his eyes to where Swain was scraping his barely touched food into the bin.
Kate grimaced, ashamed that it had taken Charge's prompting to do her duty, and grabbed her own plate as she stood.
"I'll go check on him."
"What's happening at home, Swain?" Kate asked, approaching where Swain was staring off the stern.
"Ma'am!" Swain looked up, startled. She watched him rearrange his face but there was no missing the misery. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong."
She sighed at him and joined him leaning back against the rail.
"I'm your superior but more than that I'm your friend. We've all noticed."
His shoulders slumped and his breath shook a little as he laughed sadly.
"Can't hide a secret on a boat this size." He looked down, picking at his nails and she thought about her own secret that she'd packed back in its box when Mike was returned to the Hammersley. "Sally wants a divorce."
His voice was quiet and bleak, defeated. He had none of the frantic fire he'd shown only a few years ago, making call after call to keep his family in Cairns.
"I'm sure…" But she wasn't sure of anything, wasn't even sure how she planned to finish the sentence but he cut her off before she could decide.
"No X, I've been ignoring it for a long time but she hasn't been happy. I don't think she's going to change her mind." His smile wavered as he bit it back but he looked more resigned than upset. Kate reached out for him, instinct telling her to touch, that words alone would do nothing to soothe him.
His face collapsed as she touched his arm, his body turning into the contact. As an officer, she knew there were boundaries she had to maintain but as a human, she wrapped her free arm around his shoulders and hugged him.
He sank into her immediately, his body almost limp against her and his face in her hair. She felt his breath hitch against her but afforded him what privacy she could as his shoulders trembled.
She held him a long time, wondering what the watch could see from the bridge, what they thought they could see. Wondering about the looks Mike would shoot at her, the sly cruelties he always had for her when he felt she was disloyal.
He finally pulled back and she felt the chill of her skin where it was no longer touching him and the dampness of her hair from the tears neither of them would acknowledge.
"Thanks, X." His voice was quiet but there was a looseness to it that hadn't been there before.
She smiled at him and squeezed where her hand still rested on his arm.
"Whenever you need it."
"So, Swain, is that something I should be concerned about?" Kate looked up from her tiny desk to find Mike leaning in her doorway. His tone pretended at neutral but she had gotten too used to hearing the sharpness beneath seemingly innocent questions.
"He's getting a divorce, but he's a good sailor, I don't think there's anything to worry about there." Her voice was neutral, businesslike. If he wanted to ask a question he'd have to do it directly.
"Remember you need to set an example." Kate bit back a sharp reply, he wasn't her possible lover here. On board the Hammersley he was the Captain and while he might try to blur that line, she would not.
"Of course." She replied, her voice so carefully neutral. "I will provide him support as I am required as his divisional officer." Then she turned back to her paperwork.
Mike lingered in the doorway for a few long seconds before he turned and left. She looked up to watch him go. They had both packed their feelings away when Mike returned to the Hammersley and she had packed her resentment with it. Mike had never quite managed to contain his jealousy and it seemed their abortive possibility had only made it worse.
"How is he?" Charge asked quietly, leaning over the back of her chair, pretending to be looking at their course.
"He's… dealing with it." She told him, hesitantly, her voice just as low. Swain didn't need to become more of a topic of gossip.
"Divorce?" His voice was fatalistic, as though he already knew. Kate nodded and felt him sigh.
"I really thought they'd make it." Charge pushed himself off the back of her chair and wandered over to the engineering station. Kate stared out the windows, caught in her own thoughts.
Marriages in the Navy were risky, the time spent apart and the dedication outside of the family put a strain on any marriage. But she'd rarely met a sailor as devoted to his family as Swain was. It made her stomach sour a little. If even Swain couldn't keep a marriage together, what hope was there for the rest of them?
Kate wouldn't say she planned to sit with Swain at dinner but it wasn't accidental either. It was hard to miss the way Swain picked at his food, his listless shuffling until he felt he'd sat for long enough to leave.
"Budge up, Swain."
He startled a little, glancing up to where she stood with a plate in her hands.
"Sorry, X." He slid further down the bench, dragging his plate with him.
Kate settled herself on the bench, making eye contact with Charge who sat across from her.
"Bomber's excelled herself tonight." She commented idly, swallowing a mouthful of actually pretty excellent Thai green curry.
Charge caught her point immediately and tucked a smile in the corner of his mouth.
"Can't fault it at all, X." He glanced over at Swain who was still focused on his plate, occasionally poking with his fork. "Oi, off with the fairies - what do you think?"
Swain glanced up, realising he was being spoken to but obviously having missed the question. Charge took pity on his bewildered face and repeated himself.
"I asked, what do you think about the curry?"
"Oh, it's good." He muttered, looking back to his barely touched plate.
"Wouldn't know it from the way you've been treating it." Kate almost winced, Charge was a lot more direct than she was and she hoped they weren't pushing Swain too hard.
Swain grimaced and sighed. He picked up his fork and scooped a large bite into his mouth.
"Happy?" He asked Charge after he had swallowed.
"Not completely, but it's a good start." Charge grinned back at him. Swain fought back the smile but still huffed a laugh.
"I never thought you'd be mothering me Charge."
Charge grinned even broader at him.
"Well, when our resident mother hen is the one who needs mothering we've all got to step up." He raised a pointed eyebrow at Swain who took another deliberate bite, rolling his eyes.
"I didn't expect you to team up with Charge, X." Swain turned to Kate and she felt a flash of satisfaction at the way his eyes were already brighter.
"I have no idea what you're talking about Swain, I was just commenting about the excellent scran Bomber's cooked up for us." She kept her straight face for a beat longer until a smile broke over Swain's face.
"Thanks," He said, a long moment later, his voice quiet.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm on 2Dads duty." Charge leaned around the door of her quarters as she struggled with the clasp of her shoe. "Can you keep an eye on old misery guts?"
Her split focus meant it took her a moment for her to parse his question.
"You convinced him to go?" She was honestly a little surprised, the last three chances for shore leave Swain had volunteered to stay aboard or swapped duties to guarantee it.
Charge grinned and winked at her.
"I got in the Boss's ear - told him it wasn't good for him to keep himself on the boat so often."
"So, I get to watch him to make sure he doesn't sit in a corner and mope." She replied, a little tartly.
"I mean, you're welcome to keep an eye on 2Dads instead." Charge offered with an innocent look. Kate laughed, finally getting the clasp to settle and stood.
"I wouldn't want to deprive you of his company, Charge."
Charge sighed out a long suffering breath and groaned.
"You know, you don't have to babysit me, X. I'm fine," Swain said into his drink, not meeting her eyes. Kate looked at him and then back at the dancefloor. Dutchy and Bomber were dancing energetically enough that the rest of the dancers were leaving a two metre exclusion zone. 2Dads was excitedly explaining something to an increasingly aggrieved looking Charge at the bar and RO was talking at what could only be a working girl in a booth.
She looked back at Swain and raised her eyebrows. Swain followed her gaze and laughed.
"Okay, I see your point." He leant back and took a sip of his beer. "Doesn't mean you weren't keeping an eye on me."
Kate shrugged, caught but not sorry for it.
"We've been worried about you."
"I'm fi…" Kate cut him off.
"And anyone can see that you're not fine."
Swain smiled, wry and leant back against the lounge. "I think I'm about as fine as I can be under the circumstances."
Kate sat back with him, noticing the way his shoulders tensed and then relaxed, the muscles moving under his shirt.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Swain sighed a little ruefully. "There's not much to say." he shrugged. "She's not in love with me anymore."
Kate's chest ached at the loss in his voice. She reached across without thinking, taking his hand in her own. Swain squeezed back.
"Told you I wasn't the best company."
Kate glanced back up at the rest of the pub, to where Dutchy was now apologising to Bomber who was rubbing her elbow, where Charge was following 2Dads out of the pub, where RO was sulking into his drink and where Mike was watching her from the bar, his eyes dark.
"I think you'll do just fine."
She waited for Mike to say something. That in itself told her about the ways resentment had begun to tear fissures in their relationship. It happened a few days later with the door of his office closed.
"You need to be careful with Swain." He said it out of the blue, tacked on to the end of a conversation about duty rosters. Kate tensed. Enough days had passed that she had almost given him credit.
"I'm not sure what you mean." Except she did, she knew the ways his jaw clenched and his tone turned a little snide.
"You need to set an example, Kate." Now he sounded paternalistic, condescending and her anger rose in a hiss.
"And I am!" Her voice was sharp, anger held behind clenched teeth. "I am doing what any good Divisional Officer would do. And he's a married man, give me some credit, Captain." She hissed the title at him, reminding him of who they were in that moment.
"Not for long." His tone was cruel, the facade of professionalism falling to reveal the naked jealousy underneath.
Kate took a breath that shook. "You of all people should know that I have not and will not break regulation."
Her chest heaved as she forced her breath to slow and worked her jaw until her face relaxed.
"Is that all, Captain?" Her voice snapped like the ice queen they had once named her.
"Kate." His face changed and he held up a hand to touch her. She swayed away from him.
"Is that all, Captain?" She repeated, her voice just as icy but now loud enough to be heard through the door of his office.
"Yes, Lieutenant." He sighed out, long suffering, as though it had been her that had caused the conflict.
Kate opened the door and stepped through, ignoring the way his gaze followed her as she closed it with careful deliberation, blocking the judgement in his eyes.
"Okay you lot, we're going fishing."
"Come on Charge, I can think of plenty of better things to do on an island than tease fish." Bomber groaned while simultaneously smacking 2Dads' hand away from taking a double serve of chips from the serving window.
"What if I promised you the most beautiful secluded beach you've ever seen?" Charge offered, wheedling.
Bomber narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm listening."
"And why are you so determined to get everyone to go fishing, Charge?" Kate butted in, Charge whirled around to face her.
"Ah, X!" He grimaced. "Just thought a bit of bonding as a ship's company might be in order."
Kate smirked at him. "And if it's Navy business, you can use the RHIBs."
Charge frowned at her, feigning confusion. "I have no idea what…"
Kate shook her head at him. "It's a good idea, it's about time we had a break."
Charge grinned widely at her.
"I'm not going to give Charge the satisfaction, but this was a great idea." Bomber was stretched out on a towel, her sunnies perched on her nose. Kate looked up from her book and silently agreed. Shore leave was one thing but sometimes the only way to release the tension that built among the crew was to release it as a crew.
Kate glanced up the beach to where Charge and Dutchy seemed to be arguing over the barbeque.
"Are you going to get involved in that?"
Bomber tilted her head back to stare behind her and snorted.
"Nope. I cook in my galley. What that lot get up to with a barbeque is their own business."
Kate grinned and let her gaze widen to take in the rest of the beach, most of which was taken up with a game of touch that seemed to have forgotten the touch part. RO had been appointed ref and everyone seemed to have decided to ignore everything he said. As she watched someone tackled 2Dads, the ball going flying. It was caught by Swain who sidestepped a junior sailor before being caught around the middle. She could hear his laugh as he slogged forward, the other man dragging through the sand behind him.
Mike's accusation had done very little except make Kate furious. Very little except to focus her attention on Swain in a way she never had before. To make her aware of him as a man and not just a sailor.
She looked back to her book but she could not forget the way his back flexed and his face transformed with his smile.
"I brought you a brew, X." Swain appeared at the shoulder holding out a mug.
"Oh, ta." She cradled it to herself as he turned and relieved 2Dads from the helm. The low light of Middle Watch always affected her and she sipped at the milky sweet brew that barely hid the mass of coffee underneath.
Swain grinned at her and sipped his own mug.
"Got to do whatever it takes for Middle Watch."
She boosted herself up into her own chair, glancing at the utterly empty radar in front of her.
"If it wasn't bad luck I'd say we're in for a quiet watch."
"You're lucky Charge isn't here." His voice was amused and she glanced over to catch the sly smile she had so rarely seen lately.
She hadn't realised how much she had missed it - missed the broad smile that was always twitching at his lips.
"You seem happier." She regretted saying it as soon as the words left her mouth, feeling invasive but Swain just smiled, this time a little sadly.
"It's getting easier." He replied with a shrug. "It hurts less when it's the practical things, like the house and custody."
Kate just watched him, not sure what to say that wouldn't be an empty platitude. Swain was the one to fill the silence.
"Honestly, I think it was the shock more than anything." He had turned his focus to the water as he spoke. "It had been a long time coming." He let out a long breath and looked back over at her. "Thank you." Kate frowned, confused but Swain just smiled softly. "It's nice to know people care enough to notice."
"X-Ray 8-2, this is Bravo 8-2." Kate reached for her radio, bracing herself on the RHIB's console as they crested a wave.
"Bravo 8-2, this is X-Ray 8-2, reading you."
"Latest in from NAVCOM says that the Enogra was stolen at gunpoint three days ago, so expect armed resistance. Over."
"Right, so not an easy retrieval then." 2Dads bitched, tugging at his vest.
"You'll be alright 2Dads, they're thieves and you don't have anything worthwhile to steal," Swain told him with a clap on the shoulder. Kate bit back her smile and stood out of her seat, watching the bulk of the cabin cruiser appear ahead of them.
Dutchy took point and she landed on the deck behind him and Bomber, her gun already up.
"Australian Navy, show yourselves!" Dutchy's shout was answered by a gunshot and they all ducked, crouching for shelter.
"Put down your weapon!" He called again, pointing Bomber at the door. She pushed it open for him and Kate began to stand to follow them.
"X!" A hand grabbed the back of her vest, pulling her into a tight hold back behind cover. Kate almost struggled until a bullet hit the deck in front of her. Swain's arm was tight around her waist, holding her close. His hand rose and he pointed at the flybridge.
"Up there!" She followed his finger, her adrenaline too high to address how he had just saved her life.
There was a thump from inside the boat and then Dutchy's voice called out, "Clear."
"Australian Navy, you need to put your weapon down and surrender." She called up to the flybridge. There was a long silent pause and then a clatter of metal and a man came down the steps, his hands held in surrender. 2Dads was closer and grabbed his hands, flexi cuffing them behind his back.
"Clear!" He called out and Kate let her body relax a little before she realised where she was.
Swain's arm was still tight around her and his breath was hot against her ear. She felt suddenly glad for the bulk of their vests and helmets and then flushed with embarrassment at the thought.
"Thanks, Swain." She said, her voice just a little false, rocking forward on her knees so she could stand, his arm falling away from her.
He pushed himself up behind her and he smiled at her as she turned.
"My pleasure, X."
"Ah, to be young and stupid." Charge toasted his gaze on where 2Dads, Bomber and Dutchy were huddled at the other end of their booth shooting glances at the men and women around them.
"Oi!" 2Dads protested. "Nothing stupid about wanting a little company." He leered at a woman in a short dress who ignored him.
Swain huffed a laugh. "Good luck with that, 2Dads."
"At least I'm trying!" His voice was indignant. "You lot," he gestured to Swain, Charge and Kate, "Are just sitting around here missing out."
"I'm quite fine just where I am, 2Dads," Kate told him, amused.
"And this crowd is a little young for me." Charge added.
2Dads rolled his eyes at them dramatically.
"And what about you, Swain? Does divorce equal celibate?"
Kate sucked in a breath, her eyes shooting to Swain's face, seeing the flash of temper before he buried it.
"I'm not divorced quite yet, 2Dads."
2Dads rolled his eyes at him. "You're separated and you're living apart. You're going to have to accept it sometime."
Kate sat forward, recognising the way Swain's eyes narrowed. Dutchy beat her to it, grabbing 2Dads around the neck and pulling him back.
"Best learn when to shut your mouth, 2Dads."
Swain watched the way Dutchy's arm stopped 2Dads from commenting and Kate could see how his jaw tightened.
"And best learn how to keep your nose out of other people's business."
"It can be hard to fall out of love when someone divorces you." Charge said, following her gaze to where Swain stood, staring out into the ocean. "I actually think it was easier that Helen and I were ready to tear strips off each other by the end."
Kate startled, feeling caught. She had been so focused on Swain that she hadn't noticed Charge's approach. She felt the flush of embarrassment on her neck and tried not to flinch her eyes away from him.
"I thought he was handling the divorce well." She replied, once she was sure her voice would hit the correct note, and finally turned to face him.
Charge shrugged, "The stress of it, yeah, he's doing well but God knows that man is not over his wife." He snorted, obviously remembering. "Once my separation came through I tried to sleep with anything with legs."
"Maybe, he's just not ready for someone new."
"Hey," he held up his hands, smirking. "No one ever said anything about dating, all I wanted was to show that just because she didn't want me, didn't mean no one did."
"I see your mandated therapy helped in other ways." Kate grinned at him but her stomach was sour. "It doesn't mean Swain is going to handle his divorce the same as you did."
Charge shrugged, "Maybe not, but that man has not so much as glanced at another woman in the time I've known him, and that hasn't changed yet."
Kate followed his gaze back towards Swain. There was no reason for this conversation to be leaving a pit in her stomach. But it was.
"If you end up with a broken leg you are not going to get any sympathy from me." Bomber just laughed at Swain's warning and took off after 2Dads towards a shack offering paragliding.
"Do you think we should stop them?" Kate asked, half amused, half considering it. Swain laughed and placed his hand on the back of her shoulder, gently turning her away.
"I think we should pretend not to know anything about it." His smile was infectious and she followed his lead, his handprint still hot on her skin.
"You didn't have to stay with me, you could have gone fishing with Charge and Dutchy." She said as they strolled past some more beachside attractions.
Swain glanced over at her, something in his expression that she couldn't place for just a moment before it disappeared.
"I have spent more than enough time trapped on a boat with Charge and his stories, Dutchy is more than welcome to his turn." He caught her eye. "Am I not good company?"
And therein lay the problem, it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to ignore that he was. Outwardly she grinned and told him that he was certainly better company than 2Dads but internally she was cringing away from the reality of just how much she enjoyed it.
They wandered into a market, locals selling souvenirs and trinkets, their stalls colourful and perfect for catching tourist eyes.
Swain slowed to eye the stalls and her steps slowed with him, so automatically she didn't consciously realise it until she was looking down at trays of colourful beads.
"Pretty lady like you needs jewellery." The stall holder told her, weedling, before turning to Swain. "Your wife should have something as pretty as her." His grin was wide and inviting, his hand flourishing dramatically at Kate.
Swain's expression dimmed, looking wistful and pinched and he glanced away from her. Kate felt an ache in her chest she had no right to and shook her head with what she hoped sounded like a rueful laugh. She expected Swain to follow by with a denial but he merely smiled at the stall holder whose practised patter had dimmed for a moment.
"No, I'm looking for something for my daughter, she's nearly four."
Kate watched the man's eyes relight and a few minutes later was watching Swain accept a small wrapped box. Then he passed over a second and at Swain's frown winked, "For the lady."
Swain returned the man's smile and tucked the boxes into his pocket.
It had been a long day in the sun with too much time to focus on the ways in which Mike had been right. His eyes had watched her from the bow as they arrived back at Hammersley, laughing at the way 2Dads was rubbing at his groin and complaining about harnesses.
She had been too aware then of how Swain walked beside her, their eyes meeting as they laughed.
She felt suddenly furious, not at herself for the feelings that had begun to build deep in her chest, but at Mike who looked at her as though she was unable to control them. She knew what it was to want someone she should not, and Mike's assumption that she would be unable to control herself was more insulting now it was closer to possibility than it had been as an abstract.
Kate waved the others ahead of her and slogged up the steps to the bridge, smiling at RO who was fiddling with a logic puzzle.
"Good shore leave, X?"
"No major injuries." She replied, checking the duty roster and then her watch. "Despite what 2Dads might tell you."
"I would only be worried if 2Dads wasn't whinging about something."
"We'll, I'm sure you'll hear all about it at dinner." She told him, gathering a report and turning back to the door.
"I'm sure I will."
Kate bit back her grin at his aggrieved tone as she made her way to her quarters, closing the door behind her with a sigh. She turned to her rack to sit down and it took her a long moment to realise that there was something in the middle of it.
She picked up the box and opened it, staring down at the simple beaded bracelet inside.
Dutchy's phone began to chime as soon as they were within range of Cairns.
"Got a busy weekend planned, Dutchy?" Swain asked, faux politely.
Dutchy looked up from his messages and smirked.
"Wouldn't you lot like to know?"
2Dads whistled, he had worked his way around behind Dutchy and glanced over his shoulder.
"That's a nice looking weekend, Dutchy. She got a friend?"
Dutchy palmed him off and locked his phone.
"Not one I'd inflict you on."
The bridge filled with laughter as 2Dads pouted.
"Oi! At least I'm interesting," he gestured at the rest of the crew. "I bet the rest of you are going to sit around and do your washing."
Charge laughed, "I'll have you know that I have a hot date with eighteen holes."
"If I don't see my mum sometime this month she's going to declare me missing," Bomber added, relaxing back in the radar chair.
"What about you, Swain? You've been looking pretty cheery the last few days."
Swain shrugged from the helmsman chair.
"I'm seeing Sally this weekend."
His quiet response dropped like a stone into the conversation, rippling awkwardly outwards.
"Ah, that's great mate." Charge finally said after a long silence. "What about you, X?"
Kate accepted his desperate conversational gambit, forcing down the ache in her chest.
"I have a date," She paused, 2Dads' eyes lit up with interest, "With a good book." She grinned as 2Dads groaned.
Kate tried not to notice Swain when he rejoined the boat. She was too aware of him, of his expressions and his mood and she had no right to know his relationship with his wife.
"Chloe wanted me to give you this." Swain handed Charge a sheet of paper that was full of colourful lines.
"Your child has excellent taste in people." Charge told him, accepting the sheet before flipping it upside down. "But what is it?"
Swain laughed before turning it upside down again and pointing at a scribble in the middle.
"That's Hammersley. And that's you."
"Ah, of course, you can tell by how distinguished I look."
Bomber finally broke and snorted a laugh. Charge pointedly ignored her and tacked his picture to his console.
"How'd the weekend go, Swaino? Did it go okay with Sally?"
Kate shoved down the way her focus narrowed to that question, whole attention immediately on the answer.
"It was good. We got the last of the paperwork signed. We should have the final decree in another month or two."
Kate couldn't help her glance but no one noticed because Charge looked floored.
"You're happy about the divorce being finalised?" He sounded incredulous. "I thought I was going to have to scrape you up from some bar floor when it went through."
Swain frowned. "What? Why?"
Charge pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well, because up until about a minute ago, I was pretty sure you were still in love with Sally. So I'm having to do some reevaluation here."
"You should know better than to assume," RO commented from his station.
"Thank you, Robert," Charge replied, aggrieved.
"X! Come join us!" Dutchy was on the dance floor, trying to wave her over, failing a little because Bomber was attempting to spin him when he was distracted.
Kate laughed and called back to him, "I think you're already taken, Dutchy."
Dutchy spun Bomber under his arm to distract her and called back, "Swain, help me out here!"
Swain laughed and sculled the last of his beer. He held his hand out to her. "May I?"
Kate took his hand after just a moment of hesitation and he pulled her out of her seat and onto the dance floor.
"Wooh!" Bomber called, slightly drunkenly and Dutchy dipped her until she nearly fell.
Swain grinned at her and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her towards him as he held their hands in front. Kate laughed, realising what he was doing and followed him as he tangoed them across the dance floor. He spun her at the end and dipped her.
Kate leant into him as she stood back up and his hand squeezed at her waist before he leant in, putting his mouth next to her ear.
"Think we can manage that?" He nodded towards Dutchy and Bomber and Kate shivered at the brush of breath and glanced over where Dutchy was lifting Bomber into the air.
Kate laughed, turning back to Swain who was now too close, his lips barely inches from her own. "I think we might die." Her voice sounded a little forced to her but she swallowed the rush of desire that coursed through her. "And I think Bomber is pretty brave to be trying that." He turned her, box stepping until they were out of disaster range as Bomber unbalanced and Dutchy caught her by various limbs just before she hit the ground.
"I think I'm happy to stick with this." He said, spinning her out and then back in, his arms catching her as he moved. He sounded serious, his smile soft and Kate wondered, just for a moment, if he meant it in the same way she did.
"Bravo 8-2, this is X-Ray 8-2, can we get Swain over here please?" Kate requested through the radio, her eyes roaming over the people huddled on the deck. "I've got a heavily pregnant woman and I want her checked out. Over."
"X-Ray 8-2, this is Bravo 8-2, we're sending him over. Over."
Swain stepped off the second RHIB, his medical bag in hand. Kate met him as he approached the huddled fishermen.
"From what I can tell this is the master's wife. She looks nearly full term. I need to know whether it's safe to leave her on here when we steam back to Cairns."
Swain nodded and slid past her, his hand finding her shoulder as she nearly unbalanced. She watched him go and the way he crouched down before the woman. His voice was soft and his movements as careful and gentle as always.
He returned after a few minutes of taking vitals and limited English conversation.
"Rina seems fairly healthy," Swain grimaced, "But I can only check so much, X and from the look of her she's fairly close to full term."
"Do you think she'd be better on the Hammersley?" She asked him and he grimaced again.
"I'd doubt it - we don't have much more in the way of support for a birth there than they do here and when I suggested it as a possibility she got very distressed." He shrugged. "Honestly, I think taking her onto the Hammersley makes it more likely she goes into labour before we reach port. But I'm just as reluctant to leave her on board with the possibility of her going into labour here."
Kate frowned, tapping her fingers on her radio before making the decision.
"Bravo 8-2, this is X-Ray 8-2, I suggest we leave Swain on board as part of the steaming party to provide medical care to the pregnant woman."
"It would be best if a female crew member also was part of the party," Swain told her and Kate stopped for just a moment, knowing who it would have to be.
"Bravo 8-2, this is X-Ray 8-2, did you hear that?"
"X-Ray 8-2, this is Bravo 8-2, we did." Mike's voice paused for a while and she imagined him thinking through other possibilities but with Swain off the ship Bomber as second medic couldn't go and there were no other sufficiently senior women on board.
"X-Ray 8-2, this is Bravo 8-2, X, we're going to leave you and Swain on the FFV." It was only her history with him that let her hear the tension in Mike's voice. "Send back one of the RHIBs and we'll send over some ration packs for you. Over."
"Thought you might prefer this to a ration pack." Swain sat down beside her on the deck outside the wheelhouse, handing her a bowl of fried rice.
"Thanks." She said as he settled himself with his own bowl. "Everything fine down below?"
"Everything is calm, they know it'll be easier if they don't fight it." He leant back against the wall, letting tension drop from his shoulders.
They ate in silence, leaning companionably against the wall.
"I'm going to miss this," Swain said into the silence. Kate turned and stared at him. Swain smiled a bit sadly. "I've been offered a shore posting in Cairns that would let me have fifty-fifty custody of Chloe."
Kate wasn't sure of her reaction apart from shock.
"Have you told the Captain?"
Swain shook his head. "Not yet. I wasn't sure if I was going to take it."
She felt an unwarranted flicker of hope and forced it down.
"But you will now."
"I miss her." He said plainly. "I didn't realise how hard it would be to spend time with her living separately. It's been almost a year and I feel like she's forgetting me."
Kate reached out and took his hand, squeezing at the emotion in his voice.
"Then it's the right decision."
Swain kept hold of her hand as they let silence fall.
"I never saw you wearing the bracelet." The change of subject was abrupt enough that she was momentarily confused. Then, with a thump of her heart, she knew what he was talking about, the brightly beaded bracelet that sat on her shelf, the one that had been meant for his wife.
She wasn't sure what to say, wasn't sure of the answer he wanted, the answer she could let herself give. He looked at her, at her hesitance and picked their joined hands up in his other, cupping her hand between his, his thumb stroking her skin.
"I had thought about the other benefits of posting off the ship."
Kate flushed, feeling thrown as her expectations overturned themselves.
"I left it in my quarters because I wasn't sure why you'd given it to me. I didn't want to push the bounds."
Swain smiled, "I left it in your quarters so that I didn't push the bounds."
Kate reached up her free hand to touch his cheek. Swain's lips opened in unconscious response and she knew that she shouldn't but she let herself kiss him once, a soft press of lips that he sank into immediately.
"I shouldn't have done that," she told him as she pulled back. Swain's grin was broad and contagious.
"Nice to know even you bend the rules, Kate."
She laughed, turning her head away from him and temptation, her grin wide enough to hurt.
"We can't do that again." Her voice was trying for stern but she barely managed to sound confident in what she was saying.
"I know," Swain told her, his smile still deep, his thumb still stroking against her hand. "At least until I post off."
Kate had sailed with a man she was waiting for before, she remembered the long days after Mike had been promoted and the way her hope had grown. It felt strange that even with their history, that had felt less certain than it did now, with only a few words and a single kiss behind them.
"X, I got you a brew." He handed her a warm mug and she smiled at him, hiding the softness in her eyes.
"What about me, Swaino?" Charge called from his station.
"You're not pretty enough, Charge," Swain replied with a grin. Kate bit back a laugh, with less than a week to go until Swain posted off it was amusing to see the truth that could exist within the bounds of regulation.
They were careful, not only to protect themselves but because Kate had not been lying when she had spoken to Mike, she would not break regulations. She respected them, respected why they existed and enforced them.
That did not stop the warmth she let herself take from the closeness they already had.
"So, what are you doing to celebrate your new posting?" Charge asked as Swain settled himself at the helm.
"Spend time with Chloe." He replied, turning his head in a way that allowed him to subtly catch Kate's eyes. She could see the mischief in them and shrugged almost imperceptibly at him. "And I've got a date." He added, as though it were an afterthought.
Kate watched him draw the attention of the entire bridge and nearly shook her head at the grin that was fighting at the corners of his mouth.
"What! Since when are you dating?" Charge sounded shocked and then groaned as 2Dads held out his hand. Charge slipped a $20 note into his hand and frowned at Swain.
"I thought I knew you."
Swain laughed at him. "It's been over a year, Charge, I don't think there's any problem with me dating again."
Charge waved at him dismissively, "Oh no, I think it's probably been too long for you to be dating again. I just thought you'd tell me! I was betting on it!"
"Charge, remind me what the rules of betting on the boat are?" Kate broke in, amused by the conversation.
"Ah, not actually betting, X. Just a little wager, between mates." He was terrible at being evasive.
"Keep it off the boat, Charge" Mike added mildly, leaning against a console. He looked relaxed and she wondered if that lassitude had been there before he'd heard Swain was dating again.
"Yes, sir." Charge said, as convincing as he could manage when no one believed him. He let silence fall for a second and Kate wondered if he'd been distracted enough before he spoke again.
"So, Swaino. Tell us about your date." His voice wheedled and Kate let herself smile along with the rest of the crew, Charge providing the midafternoon amusement.
"Nothing much to tell yet. It's a first date." His voice teased something hidden and she could see his amusement in the way he lounged back in his seat.
"Come on, Swaino. There's gotta be more than that. What paragon of virtue drew you back into the dating game?"
"Why, Charge? Are you jealous?" He finally let his full smile out and Kate felt her chest ache a little.
"Come on, give me something, anything. Any detail. Even just when the date is." Charge was playing it up now that he had an audience but Kate could see his genuine pleasure and concern for Swain in a way that warmed her.
"Saturday." Swain finally said after a long considering silence.
Charge groaned and the conversation finally moved on to mocking Charge and 2Dads for their almost empty calendars.
"Do you have plans for the weekend, X?"
It had been hard not to feel the change in Mike's attitude towards her. It even further soured her feelings towards him, that Swain's 'date' was enough to assuage his worries when her own word had not.
She watched the rest of the crew disembark, throwing casual salutes back at the ship and ribbing 2Dads for falling during a boarding the day before.
"I do," She finally said after a long moment of consideration. "I've got a date."
Mike's expression shuttered and she could feel the way he stiffened just a little beside her.
She met his eyes purposefully.
"On Saturday."
Mike flinched back from her, his face turning cloudy.
"Lieut…" He began, his voice snapping.
Kate cut him off, "And before you say something that you might regret I want to remind you of when we organised our own date." She met his eyes deliberately and watched him subside. "I do not break regulations, not for you and not for him."
"Kate…" He tried again but she shook her head.
"I'll see you in three days, Captain." She saluted, forcing its return and turned her back on him, making her own way down the gangway and onto the dock.
The crew was gathered around Swain, trying to convince him to follow them to the pub for a drink.
"I'm going straight to see Chloe." He was telling them as she arrived. "I like her a lot more than I do the lot of you."
"X!" Dutchy called to her as she approached. "You've got to help us convince Swain to come for drinks."
Kate shook her head with a grin, "I'm not going to try and fight against a man's love for his daughter." She shrugged at Swain when the crowd ignored her, moving towards the taxi that had pulled up on the road.
"And you're not even going to join us for pub quiz tomorrow to go chase some woman. You're going to leave us one man short." 2Dads complained good naturedly.
"Hey, X?" Bomber called out to her as she stepped into the taxi. "Are you free tomorrow for some pub quiz?"
Kate shook her head as she settled herself into her seat.
"Sorry Bomber, I've got a date." She told her with a grin, closing the door firmly.
She watched the crowd through the window as the taxi pulled away, most of them hadn't made the connection but she met Charge's shocked stare with a wave.