Chapter 4

Flashbacks Santana's POV

First day of high school

You know that feeling, when you're watching a movie, and suddenly there's a character that's like a mirror of yourself? Every feeling and thought they have, is something you would say? A character that makes you finally feel seen by your society? Just because of that appearance?

Well let me tell you mine. You've probably heard about Snow white and the seven dwarfs before, right? One of the seven dwarfs, is called Grumpy… I've never felt more represented in my life.

It's the exact feeling rushing through every bone in my body right now. I'm grumpy. It's the first day of the new school year and I don't like it. Why does summer vacation have to go by so quickly? Two full months rush forward, yet one week of school feels like an eternity? That just sucks!

… If you were still wondering, I hate school, I really really hate school. There's not a single fibre in my body that's doesn't loath going to school.

It's not because of a particular reason really. I have great grades. They take some effort, but it's not like I need to stay up until ghost o'clock to study. In middle school I've had some friends, not the most authentic friends, but some who've had my back anyway.

And okay, I'll never admit it out loud, but starting high school, is giving me a lot more nerves then I'd expect. However, I know that those nerves will disappear once we'll be a few weeks further. The biggest challenge is to climb the high school pyramid to the top, to be excluded from bullying and all that crap. It takes some effort, but I have a knack for quickly figuring out how to get to the highest rank of the popularity scale in school.

No, I don't mean I'm unhappy to go to school for those things. I mean unhappy, as in I'm lonely. Sure, there's nothing wrong with it. If you like to be by yourself in school then fine by me. I admire people who do that. It makes them look really confident. Whether you like to admit it or not, it takes some guts to go against normal ranks of society, and feel good in being alone. It's a brave thing to do.

However. I only mean it in an admirable way if you like to be alone. Feeling lonely and being alone are two very different things! It's really sad and depressing if you can see on a person's face they don't want to be alone. I feel a bit sorry for them.

Anyway. I'm losing my point.

I feel grumpy, as in I will never ever like school. Does that make me unhappy? I don't really know. I just know I'm counting the days until I can get out of this 'stupid little small town, too pathetic to even be called a town' Lima, and go somewhere else. I don't even care that much to where. New York would be nice. Los Angeles too. Or maybe another small town somewhere random. I don't care. As long as it is not here!

It's a shame though, because my parents are awesome. I don't want to leave them all by themselves. I love them. I couldn't really wish for better parents. Except maybe the fact that they're really religious. There's nothing wrong with that! It just makes me hide things from them more, then you'd maybe hide from non-religious parents. I don't know. I can't exactly compare right?

I've hidden quite some things from them. Like they have no clue I've already kissed some guys and had a first sip of alcohol already. I guess I could live my life a bit more free, if I wouldn't live with them anymore. But they're also very warm people who love me. So yeah, I've still got some things to figure out before I just pack up all my things and leave Lima forever.

Plus … they make it seem so perfect, moving out, traveling, … it's romanticized as hell. It's still your life. You can't run away from that. Literally walking around on a different ground, won't make any difference about your situation. That's just called running. Running and avoiding yourself.

So, I started with telling you I'm grumpy, because it's the first day of high school. I don't think I need to give you more explanation than that.

There is one light point though, I don't have my period yet. Ever since I've had them, I've wished I didn't have them on crucial days on school. It can be so annoying and stressful to have your period during school. Or just in general, during activities outside of your home. Still, I'm especially grateful for it, since apparently the cheerio's try out from McKinley high school is also on the first day of school. And there's nothing worse than working out with period cramps and the feeling of blood spilling out of you, during one of your splits or jumps.

I don't really understand what the rush for these try-outs are. It's literally the first day of school. People are barely awake right now! Maybe it's to filter out the ones who don't have the mindset of training on the first day or whatever. I've already heard that the coach of the cheerleading team is a one of kind ... not in the positive way.

My sleep walking is interrupted by my father asking me something. "Ola Santanita, ready for your first day?" My eyebrows shoot up from surprise of seeing my dad in the kitchen "You're still here? Aren't you working on this hour of the day already?"

He moves forward to give me a hug, which I gratefully take. "I know, but it's a special day, for my special daughter, so I thought I'd take some time off to give you a ride to school. It also gave your mom enough preparation time to make a grand breakfast without needing to rush to her job" His voice sounds a bit muffled by our hug.

My mom comes from out of the living room and smiles warmly to the scene that's taking place before her. "Quit stalling and come eat. The food is getting cold and we don't want our little Santana to be late for her first day of school."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "You both know I'm not so little anymore. And dad, thank you for staying home for a bit longer." Giving it another shot, I pursue my speech. "But you know there wouldn't be a problem, if you'd just give me a car myself?" Not getting any response, I continue. "Thanks for you too mom. I really didn't feel like getting up, but a special made breakfast does make things a bit more bearable." I smile friendly at them both. I'm still standing in a half hug with my dad. My mom comes rushing over to join the end of the hug.

My dad laughs loudly at my response. "We all know you're too young to drive your own car. You have a perfectly good bike to ride yourself to school with. We just thought it'd be nice to drop you of at school for once." I decide to let the car thing go for now. I have a gut feeling that won't be open to discussion for another while.

Once finished with our greetings, we walk to the dinner table to start breakfast. It was very nice of my mom to make this, my mouth starts watering at the sight of what's to eat. There are multiple things to eat, pancakes, homemade yoghurt, oatmeal with milk, huevos Rancheros (that's sort of like eggs with beans, it's a Mexican meal), and of course some leftovers from yesterday.

Once we're all finished with breakfast we start to get ourselves ready to leave. I'm still brushing my teeth when my mom comes to give me a kiss on the cheek, wishing me good luck for today. Once finished, I rush downstairs. My dad's already standing in the hallway, jiggling his car keys to gain my attention. "Almost ready Santana? We both have somewhere to be today".

I grab my backpack, rushing over to the hallway to put on my shoes. "Yes papi, I'm ready."

…

I step out of the car when we've arrived at McKinley. "Bye Santana, have a good first day at school. Be nice and don't get in any fights… two times in middle school is enough of a lifetime for your parents." My dad says, emphasising his statement with a wink, before driving away.

God, they'll never forget those things won't they? It sucks that teachers can talk with your parents. I know I can seem a bit rude to others in some situation, but I just try to be honest. Plus, those fights were totally explainable. The first one was sort of a bet. Ever heard of peer pressure? What would you do, if all your friends say you couldn't hit Puck, because you're too small? Wouldn't you feel the need to prove otherwise? It's not my fault Puck decided to fight back. And lost, by the way.

The other one was a different situation, but just as much not my fault. There were some boys talking badly to another boy. You could see he felt really bad … so I helped him out. Again. Not my fault the bullies started to fight back.

Whilst I'm walking to the school entry, I see some boys already gawking towards me. I don't care that much. I know I'm hot, so it's nice to get that confirmed. Just wait until I'm in the cheerleading team, apparently that makes you part of the top of the pyramid. I don't really care that much about popularity, if it all comes down to it. It's just a very easy way to get access to boys, without needing to do any effort.

I know my parents would be happy if I'd find someone. In a forever kind of way, because apparently lord knows you don't need to kiss someone and be together for a while to realise you're meant to be together. Nope. That's why marriage exists. You just point to a random person, and that will be it.

Don't get me wrong, they would never pressure me. But … to be completely honest with you, I'm starting to get some doubts about wanting to be with a boy. However. Lord knows what'd happen if I would tell that at home. So. Cheerleading? Check? Easy boyfriend material without really having to do something? Check.

Great, the lessons are done for the day. I guess it was okay. Most teachers go easy on you on the first day. Although there's always one teacher who just loves to start early. It was English lit this year. We already need to choose a book to read. We've even made the groups by now, to prepare a presentation together for in a few weeks. It's September the first, gives us a break!

Anyway, now I'm walking to the gym for cheerios practice. During my walk, I see a blonde person nearing me. Hazel green eyes make eye contact and recognition comes over me. "Hey, Quinn, also joining the cheerleading team?" I ask her. She gives me a half smile "Yep." A smirk comes into place. "Guess we're not rid of each other just yet."

For some reason Quinn and I have been in the same school and class since we were small. I wouldn't exactly call us friends, but we tolerate each other from time to time. And we know more things of each other than a regular class mate. We know we can both act like bitches, even though we're not that bad (in my own humble opinion). It's just a way of expressing or insecurities about being left out and alone I school. So, I guess we have that in common.

I give her an unimpressed look at her teasing. "Come on, I don't think we want to be late for our first practise, I've heard half of the new ones get kicked out after the first day." Something flickers behind her eyes "Well then we better hurry. If we get in the Cheerios, our status will be our protection for the rest of our school carriers."

We stroll through the gym doors together, a silent agreement passes to stick to each other's side for now. We don't speak that much, but we stay together for the rest of practise.

I think Quinn and I will be each other's back up friend in school. You know, like that person who you know you can go to, if you can't find anybody to stand with.

…

When practise is done, sixteen girls are already kicked out the team, and 11 have cried. Sue Sylvester is one cruel person. I don't know why anyone could find her entertaining. Although she does make some good oneliners (which I'll remember if I ever need to defend myself to other people in school). However. I don't like it. I don't like her.

I'm hesitant to hurry out of the locker room, because I saw someone during practise. Unfortunately she was at the other side of the gym, but she caught my eye for some reason, so I'm hoping I'll see her in the locker room.

I'm in luck, the locker she got a few minutes ago is not far from mine, and I see her drinking from her water bottle. She's the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. She's tall, with her blonde hair neatly tucked in a ponytail. A body, only possible to have if you work out every day.

I'm waiting until she looks back to me, and oh boy, she actually does look up to me. Her eyes, it's like they are looking directly into your soul. Normally I'd freak out about that. A lot. Ain't nobody needs to see my inner side, without my permission. However, I really don't care at this second. She seems amazing.

I want to know if she's as amazing as she appears like at first sight. I want to know her favourite … everything. I want to know everything.

I need to find a way to introduce myself, without making it too obvious or awkward. Maybe I can find a way to get her to sit with me and Quinn. Either way … I want to get to know her.

Second month of high school – Santana's POV

I take in a deep calming breath, before responding to Britt. "Come on Brittany, why do you want to quit so badly? Despite her ruthlessness, she does accomplish an amazing routine for the competitions?"

Since the first school day, Quinn, Brittany and I started to get along. It turns out I don't mind being around Quinn. I even consider her a friend now. She's not just a classmate anymore, who by chance was in the same class for all my life (in my perspective she was stalking me, although she doesn't see it that way).

The three of us are not that close, we all have some other friends. Not to mention we only see each other on practises. Except practises are three times a week. That's quite a lot. Yet besides our trainings, we leave each other alone. There's not really a particular reason for it. We just don't have many classes in common. And yeah … it is what it is. You can't force people to be with each other all the time. I don't mind. It's all right the way it is.

It's the same with the duo-dynamic between Brittany and I for the moment. We have no classes together (which sucks, what sort of stupid coincidence is that), and she's a lot with a guy named Mike. He's her best friend from middle school.

I really started to like Brittany a lot. She has this natural beauty, topped with an amazing, pure character. It's the cliché from beautiful on the inside and outside. She has this unique look on the world. Some call it childish and naïve, I see it as an optimistic, beautiful way of looking to the world. She's also very nice. When she listens to you, she really listens. She genially wants to get to know you. Some people are nothing like that. You have some folks, where you get the impression they're really not listening when you're telling a story. That's not Brittany.

She has so much good in her. She hopes the best for other people from the bottom of her heart. She's just … ugh, I don't know. She's the picture of a saint. And she's not being a saint because she'll get something back from it. She's a saint because she really feels like she wants to do the good thing.

Sometimes I wish I could be more like her. I don't care as much as her about other things and persons. Call me selfish, though I think it just makes me human. Brittany is much more an exception then me. Lots of people are like me, only thinking from your own perspective. The difference is that one person hides it, and the other doesn't. We're all a bit self-centred in our core. That is okay, I guess, I don't think you'd survive otherwise. Heck, the world around you wouldn't survive if we wouldn't be that way. It's what defines us for being human. If we weren't so self-centred, ants would have conquered the world by now.

But anyway, back to the present. Brittany is leaning against a locker in the locker room. We've just had a very brutal practise. Sue yelled at someone (which isn't uncommon, that girl did quit though… that's not that common. You would think after two months, people already decided for themselves that they just would let it roll over them, all the insults and all that, but I guess not everyone).

She just told me and Quinn that she's considering to quit the cheerios, because she won't tolerate the way Sue acts. She feels like she's supporting her behaviour by being a Cheerio.

The first thing I feel is fear. I feel that anxiety for multiple reasons. Firstly, because I don't want to stop seeing her in school. This practice is the only thing that makes us see one another. Secondly, because the downside of being in the Cheerios is that you're known throughout the whole school. When you're on the cheerleading team, that's a great thing. When you quit … less great.

This can be problematic for Brittany. She can seem a bit less intelligent sometimes in the way she expresses herself, and she's starting to get called out for that. I've said it before, but I don't think she's not intelligent. It wouldn't surprise me that I'd discover she's even a lot smarter then most people are around here, if we would hang out more. I know she doesn't care about being called out. She's tried to make that clear to me multiple times already. But … I don't know. I would feel hurt. Heck, I feel hurt if I hear people say that about her. So, I make sure the people who talk badly about her, get to have a conversation with Snixx.

Snixx is my bad personality, which I blame for every 'bad' thing I do or say. She's mostly seen when somebody dares to hurt someone close to me. She hasn't come out that much yet. Not a lot of people have been in contact with her already. It's only the beginning of the first year. Unfortunately, there's plenty of time left for rumours and bad comments to be a thing in high school, making it a global pandemic through the hallways. I'm sure Snixx will have plenty of work in a few months' time… I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

That's the thing I'm afraid off. If people are already starting to talk bad about Brittany, what will become of that in a few weeks? Nowadays she hasn't been in contact with them that much yet. But I'm afraid Brittany could be at the bad side of mean words. The fact that she's in the cheerios makes her a bit more protected for those rumours. We've all never been slushied. Hell, I lie if I say I've never slushied someone before. It's like part of the 'welcome to the cheerleaders' party. However, if Brittany would quit the cheerios …that makes me afraid of what the consequences for her would be.

So yeah, I don't agree with this at all. I want her by my side. Plus, she told me she likes to cheerlead, dancing even more! Why would she quit then? I don't think any person (aka Sue) is allowed to be in the way of something she likes to do. This is why I'll try to convince her of not quitting. If I find a way to convince her to stay, I'd do it partly for me, but also for her, because I know she loves cheerleading. The circumstances (our coach and mean girls in the team) are just not ideal.

"Yeah, I agree with Santana on this one" Quinn bumps into the conversation, giving me a side glance. "And that's not that common. You shouldn't quit the Cheerios because of our coach. We learn a lot by being on this squad, and the company isn't bad either. If you just let her insults go one ear in and the other one out, then there isn't really a problem is there?" Quinn lifts up an eyebrow when she's asking that question.

Brittany frowns in return. "What do you mean? Sound waves can't go through your brain from one ear to the other. Or wait, now that you say that, I'm not sure. Maybe we should pour some water in one ear and see where it'll come out." I chuckle on the inside, but Quinn looks annoyed, sighs and huffs. "It's a figure of speech Brittany. God, if I could get a nickel for every time I need to explain my sentences to you I'd be rich… No offense."

I glare at Quinn and open my mouth to let Snixx free, but Brittany beats me to speaking. "Non taken, but anyway back to the subject. I get what you guys are trying to say, I think. And you're right, you can't let bullies win. But I just, I don't know, I really really don't like Sue. I never say I hate someone, but I think I will make an exception for her… and that is saying a lot.

Quinn sighs and starts to walk to the end of the locker room. "Look Britt, think it through, I'll support your decision. I just hope you'll stay in the squad, we make a great team, the 3 of us. I think we could be head and co-captains of the team by the end of this year. And maybe you will have more power to do something about coach Sue's behaviour in that position, then when you're just another person in this school for her."

Brittany seems to really mull that information around in her head "I'll think about it, but I can't ensure you I'll stay." She grabs her stuff, putting everything away. "But I really got to go now, I need to pick up my sister from the drawing academy." Brittany turns her attention towards me. "San are you coming? Your car is parked to mine right? See you tomorrow at practice Quinn." She waves to Quinn

"Yeah see you Britt, you too Santana." I scoff a bit, still not really over her little comment on Brittany "Yeah whatever." She doesn't react to that anymore, I guess we're used to a passive-aggressive behaviour on each other by now. Before we know it, Quinn's already outside the room.

When we hear the door closing, I try to make eye contact with Brittany again. She seems to be lost in her head. "Britt? What are you thinking?" She takes a deep breath in. "I don't know San, I was really convinced to quit the Cheerios, but now I'm not so sure anymore. I wasn't expecting these reactions from you guys. Why do you care so much?"

For a second there I'm a bit speechless "Why do I …? Uhm, because you're a great person to be with, and I'm dead serious when I say you shouldn't make a decision where Sue is a factor. Plus … selfishly, I like to hang out with you… a lot. And if you would quit the cheerleading team, then what?"

There's a pause in her step. Her wattle bottle falls out of her hands. All of her attention is on me now. It's like she's trying to calculate whether I'm speaking the truth or not. Which is a bit strange, why would she be insecure about this? She knows I like our friendship right? She's like the only person I haven't been yelling at or insulted or whatever.

She lowers her voice, it's almost inaudible to understand what she's saying. There's a small hinge of insecurity visible in her tone. "Do you mean that? You don't need to tell me that if you don't mean it. I'm a big girl, you wouldn't hurt my feelings." I don't hesitate for a second "Of course I mean that, I wouldn't lie to you about that." I pause a second, insecurity dropping over me. "Do you like to be in my company too?"

She snaps her eyes really quickly to mine "Of course I do, there's no doubt about that! I like you really much, like a lot. Mike is my best friend, but you're like my special friend." I frown a bit, because I have no clue what she means by that. Normally I'm pretty good at understanding her, but now I'm a bit lost. Wait… Special, would she.. I mean.. would she maybe, possibly have romantic feelings for me? Or is that not at all what she meant?

Oh god, I'm so confused right now. How can I get more clarification about that? How can I find out what she meant? I need to be careful, I don't want to accidentally blurt out I have a crush on her, what if that is not at all what she meant? That would definitely make things awkward.

I guess I've been silent for too long, because she speaks up again. "San? What are you thinking?" I see her shuffling through her bag, probably looking for her car keys. I didn't even realise we've walked to the parking lot already. How did I not register this? I guess she found them, because she opens her car. She drops her bag at the passenger seat, before she gives me a quizzical look. Probably because I haven't said anything for a minute or two.

I take a settling breath to calm down. Okay. This is it. This is the moment to be brave. She told me that once before. Be brave to confront your problems. Be brave to confront others if needed. It had something to do with her cat being addicted to drugs, and she wanted to help him. She said she had to be brave to confront him with his problems. It's the only way to solve things sometimes.

I try to make a brave composure, turning my full attention towards her. "What if …" I walk towards her, coming to a stop before her. I keep myself perfectly still, and take a deep breath in. "What if, when you promise me you'll at least try to stay in the squad for one more month … I'll give you…"

Oh my god. I'm losing my bravery. Do I dare to ask her? I nearly wet myself from the intensity of my own. "… a really good massage"

Wow. Just wow. Just jump into your own dugged hole right now Santana. You're a coward. Come on. try again. "… and if you really stay, I'll give you a kiss." There! I said it!

Now the next step. What will she say? I don't dare to look at her. I do hear some movement very close by. "Did you just say a kiss?" She didn't stutter for one moment. I don't know how. I feel a flush creping up my face. Good thing you can't see that on ethnic people. There's a plus.

"Yyeah." I scrape my throat, trying to turn my voice to a lower level then this high pitched noise. "Ii mean, only if you want of course."

It's quiet for a long while after that. When I'm feeling a bit less embarrassed, I put my head up to look at her. Her sparkling blue eyes are boring into mine, telling a thousand words, without any language. Unfortunately, I don't have her dictionary yet, so I can't really translate what she's feeling right now.

"Okay." I choke a bit in my own saliva (apparently I'm not embarrassed enough already). "Wait really? You'll stay in the Cheerios?" Clear shock is noticeable in my voice.

Brittany takes a step back, making some distance between us. We did stand very closely when I wasn't looking at her. "Well yeah, I mean you and Quinn did make sense. And I can't really say no to a good massage right? And yeah, I mean…" Her sentence dies down after that. What does she mean? What does she want? How did she understand my message? I have no fucking clue for the moment?!

It's deathly quiet around us. By now even detention is finished and we're one of the only people left in the school parking lot. There are some street lamps giving a bit of light, but it's not bright enough to see us from a distance. And here, before me, stands Brittany, a bit awkwardly, not really knowing how to act for some reason. What does she expect now? Would I be allowed to kiss her?

I don't know if I'm ready for that myself. Why did I propose such thing? On the other hand … the money I would give to be able to kiss her … I would lie if I'd say I didn't thought about it. I am a teenager after all. And sure, I've already kissed some boys, but that's a whole other story I won't get into right now.

I shuffle a bit closer to Brittany. She keeps utterly still. No single muscle movement is visible. I see no fear in her eyes, so I dare to only stop walking when I'm right in front of her. The front of our shoes are almost touching each other. When she still doesn't really react, I say something "So, I guess I should give you that kiss then right?"

She gives a small chuckle "Yeah I guess you should." After her confirmation I start to lean forward, until I'm a few centimetres before her head. If I would describe this moment with one word, I would say peaceful.

Nevertheless, a second later there's another feeling rushing forward in my veins. It's full on anxiety. Please not now. This is the most awful moment my anxiety could choose to show up. Shoot, Brittany is still standing before me. I can't kiss her now, what if she'll reject me afterwards? What if she tells me it didn't mean anything for her? I can't do this.

… I chicken out. I give her a kiss on the cheek, yet I can't resist to linger there for a few seconds. Once I'm satisfied (I mean, I wasn't, but at least it was something) I slowly start to back away, until I'm a former meter away from her (it took all my willpower to not just jump ten meters away).

"Alright, so that's solved. Remind me of that massage someday. But I need to go now. See you tomorrow Brittany." … I practically run to my car. The last I see of her, is her putting a hand on her cheek, looking peaceful yet confused. Though I'm not sure. Maybe that's just my wishful thinking brain that is hoping for that. Probably, since new scientific stuff found out your brain only predicts things. In that way you can't really know for sure if you concluded the correct things, you saw with your eyes.

… So yeah, that went great... If you think bad situations are a great thing. I'm a coward if it comes to this. That was the first and last time you saw me making a move on Brittany.

She's straight, and she deserves a really great guy on her side. Not me, not some arrogant, bitchy girl. No, not me. I'll leave that part alone. From now on, I'll act like her friend and I'll be her friend. Nothing more. And okay, I still have that crush, I'll just have to learn how to live with it and ignore that.

God, I should have just told her the truth and asked her out or something.

…

It wasn't until the next day, when practise began, that I saw her again. It was like nothing ever happened. She didn't quit (which I was really happy for, a small part of me was afraid she'd still quit).

When we started a conversation with each other, it wasn't awkward, just our normal routine. She never spoke about what happened the day before. It made me ignore the situation too. I think that's for the best anyway. I'm just happy she's still here.

We're in the middle of talking a bit during our run, before Quinn shouts out to wait up. We always run three laps at the start of practise. It's creepy how in sync we run. We can keep up almost the exact same tempo, for the longest of time.

Once Quinn catches up, we start to run at a more peaceful tempo. After a few seconds Quinn speaks up. "Glad you came Brittany. I don't think I would've survived practise with only Santana here. You have a way of keeping her a bit more calm and you're like the peacekeeper in our little group." Brittany gives a small chuckle in response.

… I won't even react to both of them.

After that we don't talk that much, we're still running after all. People who can talk during their runs for the entire time, are not running fast enough … at least that's Sue's theory.

Quinn saying those few sentences, were the only things that were said about that day for the rest of the school year.

First meeting at home – last Friday before fall break

I close my locker a bit more aggressive then needed. "Uh, could she be any more harder on us? I feel like my legs will fall off at any moment. Why do we need to run so much in the first place? Cheerleading almost never involves running. It sure as hell doesn't involve 10 km runs!" I open and close my locker a second time for effect. "Even this motion is asking too much energy from me, I can't …"

Another voice speaks up. "Oh shut up Santana, it's not like this was the first time this happened. And blame Brittany, she's the one who made Sue go in tiran-modus. If she wouldn't have sprained her wrist, we wouldn't have to run the whole practise." My eyes snap dangerously fast to Quinn at hearing her comment. I point an accusing finger towards her. "Don't you even dare blame this on Brittany. She fell during a dance practise and Sue made it into Brittany personal attacking her and being ungrateful to be in the squad. She would have made us run either way. I've heard the seniors talking she does this every break, to remember that we have a body to maintain during vacations."

When I'm saying this, I start cornering her, making her lose her composure. Nobody speaks bad about Brittany. Not even Quinn. Out of the corner of my eyes I see Britt crumpling down a little bit. "Guys, stop the violence. Don't fight over me, focus on the break. A full week without Sue."

Quinn crosses and uncrosses her arms. "You're right, sorry Britt, that was inappropriate. How is your wrist doing by the way?" I jump into the conversation, letting Quinn walk away from me "Yeah how is it? Does it hurt a lot?" She sweeps her arm in the air to show us the bandage "No it's okay, I've had worse. The running didn't do that much good about it, but at least she didn't make me do any push ups or something, that would've been really bad."

I give a sarcastic cheer. "Yeah wow, maybe she does care a little bit about our pains." Quinn scoffs. "Or maybe she doesn't want one of her best cheerleaders being injured longer than necessary, when we have a qualification in a few weeks."

Yeah, she's right, that's probably the case. Anyway, Britt's right. Schools officially over for a week, we should celebrate. "Hey guys, want to meet up after school to hang out a bit?" The question is out of my mouth before I can think. Sometimes I need to think more before I speak, I don't want them to start envisioning me like a big softy or something.

Brittany makes a little jump at that. "Yes, awesome idea, when and where?" A soft smile crosses my face. "Wherever you want." Her demeaner falls down a little bit at my response. "Well, would it be okay if it wasn't at my place? It's just, my parents are busy a lot and my sister is a big attention seeker whenever someone new is around." I frown a little bit at that, but it doesn't really matter. My parents never mind when someone comes home. And I didn't mean to invite myself to her house, I hope she doesn't think that was my intention. "Ow no, of course Britt, I didn't try to invite myself over. You can both come to my place, my parents are at work anyway until late this evening."

Quinn bumps into the conversation, sounding sort of excited (well excited in Quinn Fabray fashion, which isn't that obviously excited) "Yeah, cool, maybe we can do a sleepover? I would offer my house too, if you can survive my white ugly Christian decorated house. Right San, that's what you called it?" Britt gives me a condescending look and walks over to Quinn. "I love your house Quinn, when I went over the other day for that group work, it was so tidy and nice at the same time."

I shrug, not finding a better defence. "Yeah yeah, we all love Quinn's house, but you're all welcome to sleep over at my house."

We stop for a moment at Quinns car. "Okay great, I'll pack some things and meet you there, bye." She steps into the driver seat, before she rides away. Brittany and I still need to walk a bit to our cars. It's unfair. Quinn always finds the best parking lot to park at our school. Her car is always next to the income. Despite her not being so much more early then me and Britt, she still gets that place. She always gets so lucky.

Once we start walking again, Brittany redirects back to our conversation. "Thanks for the invite San, I think it's going to be fun, I think. I'll just redo my bandages at home and then I'll come to your place too. Ow, text the address in our group chat?" I nod in response. When she gets to her car she gives me a small salute (cute!) and drives away.

Yes, this is going to be fun.

…

It was a fun night. Even with Quinn, I think the fundamentals of an unbreakable band started that evening. It also made me discover a few things through a game of truth or dare. Apparently Quinn has never broken a single bone in her body! On the other hand Brittany has broken things already multiple times. Her wrists has been broken two times. Her shoulder has been dislocated three times (she said that can be a genetic thing or something). And on top of that, she has broken her foot two years ago! All because of being clumsy.

From then on, I was always on alert when we needed to go down some stairs, or where in close distance to kitchen knives, or …walls apparently. And no dancing in small rooms! She made me promise she'll never do that again.

March – Tuesday – midday

"What's up with Brittany? She's being even more quiet and unalert then otherwise?" Quinn asks me, while putting her plate down on the table. Since Christmas break, we started to sit together during lunchbreak. We don't do that every time, the cheerleaders tend to have the habit of eating together. But us three, we are always a pack on its own. It's curious. We're really starting to have an unbreakable reputation of power. I hope next year, when we'll be captains, our reputation will be great, and nobody will dare to touch us.

I frown at her question. Because she's right, Brittany was really down when I first saw her this morning. She didn't really say much and it looked like she could cry at any moment. "I don't know Q, let's ask her when she's here." And speak of the devil, Brittany just walks in from her math class. She picks up a tray at the lunch bar and gets her food served.

Hold on for a moment. Excuse me, I called it food, that was a bit too optimistic. School food is like poison, to keep you from rebelling too much, and it tastes awful.

Brittany makes a small conversation with the helper. When she's served, she turns around and starts looking for us, I guess. When I give her a wave, I only get a small smile in return. She mouths an apology, before pointing to Mike. It took me a second to understand what she meant.

I think my mouth almost fell open. "What?! Since when did she start eating with Mike again? I thought we were a pack, no exceptions?" I huff. "Now I know something is seriously wrong?" I almost yell in Quinn's face.

Quinn frowns her eyebrows "Calm down Santana. She's allowed to eat with her best friend, it is a bit weird, since she normally eats with us, but maybe there's something wrong with Mike? And maybe that's why she's been so sad today?"

I give a little grunt, she's not taking my bait to start a discussion. "Hmmph, I don't know, I'll talk to her later, something's wrong, I can feel it."

Quinn pokes me in the ribs. "Aww, Satan feels something, I didn't know you were capable of that." She says in a sort of baby voice. I cross my arms at that (which isn't really helping my reaction to her teasing). She's trying to challenge me, but I will not take that temptation. "Whatever, I want this day to be over already".

/ end of schoolday – parking lot

"Hey Britt, wait up." I almost fall over my own feet at trying to catch up with her. I take a quick 360° look over, to check nobody saw me (almost) fall, but fortunately, I think I'm save. She turns around, looking at me with an amused expression. "Hey San, careful there, I know I'm the clumsy one of the two, but don't try to make it into a competition. I don't like to see you get hurt."

I roll my eyes when come to a stop in front of her "Haha, very funny Britt. Same goes for you by the way, I never like to see you get hurt, I'm glad this school year looks like you haven't had a lot of bad luck, except that sprained wrist and back pain. But anyway, are you okay? You seemed … a bit off?"

At this question, her expression changes to a really sombre one for a second, before she turns it into a neutral one. "Yeah no, I'm okay. Sorry I didn't eat with you this midday, I didn't really feel like talking much." I worry a bit about that answer "You know you can always talk to me right? This friendship isn't a one way street." I bump my elbow softly with hers and I get a small laugh out of her.

She gives me a calculated look, pondering something over in her head. she gives a small sigh, nervously bouncing on her toes. "It's my father. He lost his job…"

I take in a sharp breath. "I'm sorry Britt, I remember you told me he finally found a nice job this year. What happened?"

She kicks on a small rock before answering "I don't know the details. And I mean, we're fine, my mom's a successful lawyer, financially we can definitely survive. It's just.. my dad really loved that job. And he can get so … restless at home."

I'm a bit at a loss for words. I'm terrible at comforting people. But this is Brittany, come on Santana, do something. Give her a hug… Yeah I'll do that. Sometimes words mean nothing, and hugs mean everything. She said that once to me. So I don't answer verbally, I just give her a hug. Times stands still. It feels like we were standing in each other's arms in the parking lot for ten minutes. She smells so good, wow and her neck, it's so kissable. What kind of shampoo would she use? What .. wait nope.

Not now, she's sad Santana, what kind of human being are you right now? Thinking about something like that, at a moment like this?

She's so sad, she must have a really good connection with her dad. Though she doesn't really talk about her family a lot, she does insinuate something like that. Especially with her sister, nobody dares to say a bad word about her, she's very protective like that.

We haven't really talked a lot about our parents yet to each other. That's like a whole new level of friendship right? We'll see when that happens, but if her reaction to her dad losing his job is making her feel so sad, then she must love her parents very much.

After another five minutes she takes a deep breath in and lets go of me. "Thank you Santana, I really needed that. See you tomorrow?" I'm standing like an idiot on five legs, who doesn't really understand how to move them properly, watching her step into her car. I think the wisest thing for me to do now, is wait until she drove away. In that way I'll get the least chance of embarrassing myself in front of her.

When she's seated in her car, I bid goodbye. "Yeah, I'm here Britt. See you tomorrow." I give her an encouraging smile one last time and turn around when her car drives away. When I walk to my car, I almost bump into one of those poles they put in parking lots to prevent you from driving in that direction.

She's right, I'm starting to get more clumsy. However, it's only when she's on my mind. Sometimes when I act around her, I feel like that chicken from that movie she showed me on another sleepover we had with Quinn, it was called moana or something. I didn't admit it then, but that chicken made me laugh so hard. Anyway, I hope she'll feel better soon. And hopefully her dad will find a new job soon, I guess.

Last day of school before summer vacation

It's a good thing Brittany stayed in the squad. She started to agree with us about Sue. If you don't give her a lot of your attention, then she gets even more frustrated. Yet it didn't make her behaviour worse. So yeah, that's … good. Perhaps we taught her a lesson that it isn't always fair to interact with your students in an awful condescending way. Though I think Sue will have a really long way to go until she will realise how bad her behaviour really is. She should take a long look inwards to her behaviour routines. I almost feel bad for our principal and for the next generations who'll need to work with her. Maybe someday she'll be a changed woman for the better.

It's Monday evening and practise is almost over. I am so happy right now, school is almost over. Only four more days and I get to be free again for two months. You'd think with the final exams Sue would give us a break, but nooo, 'you have two full months of laziness to catch up to next year, so as long as I have you in my power, I'll keep training your lazy asses until you fall down, exams be damned'. But don't ever try to skip an exam, she keeps an eye on us like a hawk, apparently education is important too.

Well Sue, give us freaking studying time instead of working us to the bone if you don't want us to fail in school. It's been gruesome trainings for weeks now!

Beeeep.

Ow, I cover my ears, because Sue's microphone is beeping on that annoyingly high frequency. "All right group of girls I can call a team now, seems like I've achieved something this school year. At least now you can outrun those big headed football players on the field. But don't let it get to your head. Next year I won't be so nice as this one, you're brains are all the size of a peanut and your body conditions are barely acceptable, and this year was just a warm up. And for clarity, whoever decides to not come to the latest practise on Friday should be starting to look after a new school to go to, you've been warned!"

I roll my eyes at that and start walking to Quinn and Brittany, who were already waiting for me. Ever since Brittany decided to stay at the cheerios, we've started to always walk together before and after practise. It's like this strange ritual we've made.

Before we can enter the building to go to the locker rooms, we hear our names being called by Sue. "Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce, give me 30 push ups and come to me. Whoever comes in second, 10 more, and whoever is last, will have to give me 30 more."

Quinn and I immediately start counting our push ups, whilst I see Brittany waiting. I puff "Brittany … why … aren't you … starting?" She shushes me and after five seconds she explains herself. "I thought I saw Lord Tubbington fly through that cloud and I was going to miss it if I started already." She drops herself to the floor, starting her push ups. "Plus I don't mind doing push ups that much, so I'll let you guys win this one." She mutters.

I don't give her an answer. I'm still racing against Quinn! Plus, I can't force her to this race. Besides it's already too late for her, she'll come in third anyway.

Quinn and I are at Sue's foot at exactly the same time. We don't really talk and wait until Brittany is ready with her push ups. Sue speaks up. "And that's why I won't make you captain of this team tall blondie. You need to be ruthless, not being nice to others…"

I bite my tongue, trying to keep myself from speaking up. This is Sue before me, and I don't know her game at the moment. Seems like Quinn thought otherwise. "What are you saying coach?"

Sue snaps her attention to Quinn, eyes dangerously narrowed. "Don't interrupt my monologue other blondie." The look Sue gives Quinn is creepy. It's one of those looks where fire and explosions would take place behind the character, if we were in a movie right now. Sue looks furious right now, but she cracks her neck, gaining back some calmness.

"I was saying, you three weren't that awful this year. And I'm sure you're aware our captain is a senior, so I need a new one. I thought about it, and I've decided to make you two (she points her finger towards Quinn and me) co-captains." She takes a pause, making the moment more dramatic then necessary. "You'll keep each other on your toes, like a good healthy competition. The rival and friendship between you two is both admiring and pathetic. And I'm guessing you won't kill each other for that spot, since there is some sort of affection for each other (we both glance at each other and look away immediately). So that'll make my job less hard, since you'll annoy the crap of out each other yourselves, as captains."

Taking another pause, she turns her attention towards Brittany. "And you, can be choreographer of the group. Of course everything goes through me, but I've seen your attempt at dancing, and if I look at the others of the group… well they're worse, so the job is yours. Now go, don't get this into your head, I have seven back up plans and a phone number who's willing to let people disappear, so don't mess up or I'll need to have a phone conversation with someone about you…" Not really sure what to do now, the three of us keep standing still.

Sue's eyebrows knit together. "You're still standing here, I can smell the teenage angst in the air and it's making me sick. You're already starting to make me regret this choice … GO" She snaps.

I think we've never been more in sink then in that moment as we start to run towards to the locker rooms. Quinn's the first one to say something. "Can you believe it, we've only been in the Cheerios for one year, and she's already given us the highest roles in the team! We must've made an impression on her. Our statuses on school are saved for the rest of high school." She tries to give me a high five. I guess she forgot for a moment who she's talking to. I don't do high fives. I leave her hanging and act cool "Yeah whatever, it's not like she wasn't going to give it to us, she's been watching us for the whole school year. But I guess that status can come in handy."

"Oh come on, don't leave me hanging Satan." She turns away towards the other person in the room. "Britt, come on, give me a high five, you got like a really big complement on your dancing skills, even though it sounded really offensive." Of course Brittany is too nice to ignore Quinn and high fives back. "Well I didn't really understand what she was saying. She lost me at the beginning. Like why call me tall blondie? I can't sing at all, and I'm pretty sure Blondie isn't that much smaller than me."

I gniffle a bit at that. "She didn't mean the singer blondie, she meant blondie as in your hair colour is blond, and tall since Quinn's also blonde."

She sighs "Okay, I guess that makes more sense. Anyway. I don't know if I really want to be head choreographer, I love dancing. But this just means working more with Sue, and I don't like that". I give her a side hug "Come on Britt, you've survived this year, and besides Sue you've enjoyed the cheerleading part right? Let's see how it goes next year and then you can decide what you'll do." She gives me a forced grin "Careful San, my back's killing me again, and my elbow still hurts a bit."

I immediately let go of her, I don't want to hurt her "Shit sorry B, I forgot for a minute you fell again during dancing. Which may I remind you, it got worse again since a few weeks now, I feel like you're constantly having something that's hurting you. How's that possible?" My words linger in the air for a moment.

She gives an awkward laugh."I guess a combination of bad luck and being in the clouds too much with my head, and then not being aware enough of my surroundings. But it's okay, change of subject please." She gives me a small bump, a hint that she's got enough of the conversation going on.

By now we're at the locker rooms and I make a small jump (also deciding I'll let it go … for now). "But before that, we're having summer vacation! What are you guys planning?" I ask Quinn and Brittany.

Quinn is first to answer "Well, I'm going to help my mom in church camp for like almost the entire summer." I scrunch my nose at that. "Sounds boring, my parents asked the same thing, but I 'politely' reclined."

She scoffs "Yeah right, like you know how to politely decline anything." Quinn opens her locker to grab her clothes. "I don't mind that much, I know a lot of people who go there, and we do get a lot of free time, so it won't be that bad. Besides, some other people from school will be there, like Finn, the quarterback." I roll my eyes. "All right, whatever. What about you Britt?"

She turns around, since she's already putting on her home outfit, she always changes clothes at school. That'll be a routine she won't be able to do next year. If you have a special function in the team, you're prohibited by Sue to always wear your costume in school, even after practise, when there isn't a living soul around anymore… I'm sure if she could, she would command us to wear it all the time.

"Uh, I don't really know yet. Probably hang out with my sister a lot. And dancing. Oh and I'm thinking of doing a Disney-movies marathon, with the sequels."

I give an amused laugh. "Sounds interesting. Hey, feeling up to hanging out together during the summer for some times? Quinn you're welcome too of course, if you find the time." I see Brittany giving a bright smile back "That would be awesome San. You can watch the movies with me!"

Shoot, that was my own fault, I don't really like Disney… besides the one with Grumpy in it. I guess that will be a battle I can't win. If she wants to watch those movies … who am I to say no? "We'll see when the times there if I watch your movies with you. We can do other stuff too. You'll see, you're always welcome in my house. Maybe just sent a text and plan things more in the afternoon. I'm not a morning person, and when in vacation modus, I don't see mornings. Ever."

I hear Quinn chuckle behind me "Yeah S, like we didn't already know you're not a morning person." I scoff back at her "You shut up, you're going to church camp." She turns around and starts walking away "Whatever you say Santana, see you both tomorrow." She waves at Brittany and walks away.

In the meantime Brittany is putting her bag over her shoulder. She's already finished changing. "You good San? I'll see you tomorrow too. And it's going to be fun to meet during summer, I bet we'll be the bestest of friends when school starts again."

When is see her skipping out of the room, I can't ignore the beaming smile on my face. It sticks with me the whole ride home.

Summer vacation – first time meeting Brittany's parents

My hand palms are a bit sweaty. I'm standing at the door of Brittany's house. I'm a bit stressed about meeting her family. The first time she met my parents, they immediately bonded and she became like almost a second daughter already. No wonder, with a charming smile like her. But I value family so much, and I'm guessing Brittany too. So I want to give a good first impressions to her parents. They are the people who raised such a wonderful person, so they must be as good as her right? All right, enough hesitating for now, knock on the freaking door Santana.

Knock, knock, knock

It doesn't take three seconds for the door to open. I see Brittany standing there, smiling like she just saw her favourite duck eating bread out of her hands. "Hey San, I was wondering how long you'd stand at the door. No stress, my parents are really looking forward to meet you. Come in." I blush a little bit at that, but I hide it well (I think). Anyway, I'll try to change the topic "Hey Britt, how's your head, still feeling dizzy?"

A few days ago, when we met in the park, we played a bit on the swings but she became sick. Later on, she admitted to me she hit her head the day prior because she miscalculated a jump in a dance choreo, so she was still feeling a bit dizzy. It's never wise to combine dizziness with swings, or rollercoaster, or anything in that genre.

She gives me a small hug (I cherish every last one of them). Her voice sounds muffled from leaning on my shoulder. "It's alright, thanks for asking. It's almost completely gone now, don't worry." She pulls lightly on my arm once the hug is over "Come on, I'll show you downstairs and then I can show you my room".

… "So this is the kitchen, and .." I see another person half turned around the corner. That must be her sister. They don't look anything alike. She told me a short time ago that her mother divorced her biological father a really long time ago. So her sister, Charlotte, is from her biological mother and her now stepfather. She doesn't really remember her biological father, they've split up a year after she was born.

Charlotte's cute either way. I think Brittany told me she was 8 years old. "Hey Charlotte, come here, meet my friend I told you about, don't be afraid, she doesn't bite… Well at least not literally" That last bit is whispered to me, combined with a wink. She likes teasing me about Snixx and how she can be really mean. I don't think it's only teasing, maybe it's also her way of saying she doesn't really appreciate that.

Charlotte walks toward us at a really slow pace. She's so cute, in like a child-being cute. At the last few meters she runs over to Brittany, and hides herself between Britt's legs. She peeks over towards me with one eye, looking at me with a curious gaze. Sensing her shyness, I lean down a bit, putting my weight on one knee. I'm now on eye level with Charlotte. Maybe that will make her less afraid about me. I know I can be intimidating. It's part of the reason why I'm so high on the high school pyramid. However, this is not the moment to be intimidating.

I try to make my movements as gentle as possible, keeping my voice at a soft tone."Hey Charlotte, Brittany told me lots of things about you. We recently saw Frozen, and she told me it's your favourite movie of all times. And I must admit, it's not bad."

The moment she hears the word frozen, it's like she unfreezes (haha, got my joke. Wow, can you imagine being in my head 24/7, those jokes are like hidden in a dark corner somewhere. Thank god I'm not letting them out at school, my whole bitch-personna would be gone). I've piqued Charlotte's interest. "I love frozen, Brit and I are like them, best sisters ever!"

Brittany crouches down and lifts up Charlotte "Yes we are little angel. You're the bestest princess in the world, and I'm so lucky to be your sister. I love you."

Aw, what a sweet interaction between those two. It kinda makes me wish for a sister or brother too… sometimes. Not all the time. Being an only child has its benefits too. But it looks (just like she told me multiple times) like those two have an amazing bound, I love it.

I hear someone walking from the hallway to the living room (which is connected to the kitchen). "Hello, you must be Santana?" It's her father, he gives me a friendly smile. I get back up, greeting him. "Hello sir, yes I am, nice to meet you". He gives me a deep belly laugh "No need to call me sir young lady, it makes me feel old. Call me Jack. It's nice to meet you too. I hear you're the reason my daughter isn't failing her classes?" He gives me a warm nod. "Thank you for being such a great tutor to her. I must say, I'm impressed that you were willing to even tutor her in the summer vacation. And of course, I'm hoping you're taking enough breaks during this holiday. School isn't everything."

I give Britt a bit of a confused look, but she already started talking. "Hah, please dad, don't embarrass me. I've thanked her enough for learning me Spanish this vacation, and for all the tutoring during the school year."

The gears in my head are working overtime. What is she talking about? I'm not learning her Spanish. She's doing that on her own. And sure yeah, I sometimes helped her with homework last year, but she helped me too? It's not like we had full on tutor lessons or something.

I'm lost. Luckily for us, Charlotte decides to speak. "Papa, can I play with Santana and Brittany?" His attention focuses on his daughter. "Of course munchkin, but if they ask you to leave, then you'll listen. I trust you listen to your sister all right?" He turns back towards me, focusing his attention on us. "Well it was nice to meet you, but now I need to go to work. Brittany, don't forget to give her something to eat or drink if she wants. And both of you, behave." He says this in a teasing tone, even rubbing his hands through Charlotte's and Brittany's hair. Hah, that's a bit strange, my father hasn't done that with me since I was 10.

Maybe that was because I started telling everybody that I'm keeping razor blades in my hair. However, I don't know if my parents are aware of that rumour.

When we hear the door close, Brittany takes my hand (while still carrying Charlotte) "Come on San, I'll show you my room." Her tone is lighter then before, giving me an excited look to show me her place.

We had an awesome time together during our summer break. I didn't really go to her house that often, which made me forget about that strange conversation. I never found out what her father meant with that tutoring comment, she never gave me a straight answer about that. After a while I just gave up on trying.

Present

This is not even the beginning of the memories that are running around in my mind. What facts am I missing about those stories in my memory?