Chapter 1. No tickle monster!

Sirius hadn't been able to believe it at first. As he held Harry in the courtroom, it seemed unreal. Of course, Sirius had known that his evidence would be enough, but hearing that he was granted custody of his godson…after hearing all of the arrangements finalized…it seemed to go on for so long that Sirius had lost hope that it would really happen.

Now, over a year later, it was still a shock. Sirius had expected to feel thrilled for a few days, but then the reality of parenting would kick in. He was definitely in for his share of sleepless nights. Of course, this certainly happened. Sirius had his hands full with feeding Harry, changing Harry, making sure that Harry took several naps during the day so that he, Padfoot, could rest during this time as well. There was no denying that it was hard. Even so, Sirius was grinning most of the time. He loved Harry. He had loved the little baby that James and Lily brought home from St. Mungos, but that had been from afar. Sirius had never been involved with raising Regalus, of course, so he had not had very many interactions with babies. He was a little surprised to find how much patience he had with Harry, but not at all surprised to find that he had completely fallen in love with the little boy.

The only cloud in Sirius' mind, aside from the ever constant presence of the Dursleys who muttered and hissed behind his back, was that small inking in that back of Sirius' mind. It wasn't exactly his conscience, but rather a dark, accusing part of him. This part of him blamed Sirius whenever he got too happy. It was because of him that Sirius knew this gift was more than he deserved, since he had (though unintentionally) been the cause of Lily and James' death.

The voice would not let him forget this.

Whenever Sirius got too upset by these accusations, he tried defending himself against the voice. He pointed out, on numerous occasions, that Harry deserved better than the Dursleys, and Sirius believed that he certainly fit that description.

After awhile, the voice faded, but it never left him entirely.

Sirius had spent a lot of time trying to determine how to raise a nearly two year old child. He was also concerned about the abuse that Harry had suffered under the Dursleys. He had visited Harry numerous times when Lily and James were alive. He learned, albeit grudgingly, how to change diapers and prepare baby food. He knew how to differentiate between Harry's cries of hunger, cries of wanting a nap, and cries of needing to be changed. Aside from that, he had no practical experience whatsoever. He knew that there were wizarding books out there about raising kids…even a few about raising kids in a muggle environment, but Sirius thought that he wasn't going to get what he needed to learn from books. Lily and James had never bothered with them, and Sirius knew that, had they lived, they probably wouldn't have wasted time consulting the "experts." Not that he was against books or parenting groups, but he couldn't help but feel as though his situation would not appear in any wizarding book.

Sirius was also concerned with the long term effects of Harry's abuse. Harry had spent five months at the Dursleys…five months and ten days if Sirius wanted to be technical. It had been a relatively short period of time, but it was so early in Harry's life that Sirius did not know what the long term results would be.

Sirius remembered, all too well, one time when he had visited Lily and James just a few weeks after Harry was born. Lily had scolded Sirius for throwing Harry in the air. Sirius had justified himself, said that it was only a few inches, but Lily's reply had been severe.

"And what would you do if you dropped him? Oh sure, we can repair the damage with magic, but he'll remember it for the rest of his life! All thanks to you, Padfoot!"

The remark still stung. Sirius had promised to be more careful with "baby Harry" so that Lily would stop glaring incessantly at him, but it turned out that this was not a promise that Sirius wanted to break.

Sirius took things one day at a time. Sirius assessed, over the first month or so, that the damage that had been done was mostly neglect. Harry's only physical problem, aside from being reluctant to eat for a few days, was that he had developed a nasty case of diaper rash. Probably because of the dirty, used diapers and the fact that the Dursleys did not enjoy changing Harry. At least this cleared up in a couple of weeks. There were several marks on his arms, probably where Dudley had pinched him, though. Sirius hoped that those would fade away in time. His legs had a few cuts, but whether this was because he had fallen a few times or been hit was hard to say.

Mostly, the abuse caused emotional damage. Sirius could see this at once. Of course, anyone who had spent time with Harry before and after Lily and James' death could see the difference. Harry had been a very vocal baby. He had no trouble with crying, and often kept Lily and James up until well past midnight. Now, Harry whimpered when he was hungry or needed to be changed, but seemed scared to do more than that. Mostly, Harry seemed too scared to assert himself. It was as though his relatively short visit to the Dursleys had silenced him. Perhaps the small child feared that the Dursleys would return if he misbehaved. If this is the case, it continued throughout Harry's childhood, because he was generally well behaved and scared of doing anything that would anger his godfather.

For the first few weeks after Sirius gained custody, Harry did cry a lot and had trouble sleeping. Sirius assumed that this was because Harry missed his parents and had not been cared for by the Dursleys. During this period of time, Harry either slept with Sirius in his godfather's bed while he cried, or fell asleep in Sirius' arms. During the latter event, Sirius would usually drift off to sleep on a couch or a comfortable chair. He was too concerned about disturbing Harry's rest to try and change positions very often.

After the first few weeks, Harry did sleep a lot, but Sirius assumed that this was what babies did. He also became very affectionate. If he had wanted to be held when the Dursleys had him, they quickly stamped this idea out from under him. In fact, Harry would sometimes gaze into Sirius' eyes during the first few days after Sirius would pick him up. Harry never said anything; he just stared at his godfather with those enormous green eyes. Several weeks later, things changed as Harry settled into his new routine. He loved being hugged, almost as much as he enjoyed being held or rocked. On the semi rare occasion that Harry did spend the night in his own crib, he would crawl towards Sirius when morning came with his arms outstretched.

Harry was also very ticklish. Sirius had suspected this because James was the same way. He wasn't sure how ticklish Lily had been…James never said anything about it, and Sirius didn't have the guts to find out; Lily would definitely hex him. With Harry, Sirius found out soon enough. Under his arms, his stomach, his feet, his neck…those were all dangerous spots. Sirius wasn't sure if Harry actually enjoyed being tickled; he giggled when Sirius performed an attack, and he didn't start to cry. On the other hand, Harry had also spit in Sirius' face a few times when he had had enough.

Sirius loved to remind Harry of this. One of his favorite "baby Harry" stories when Harry was three years old and had trouble sleeping. He tottered into Sirius' room and explained this ("Harry no sleepie time. Wake time!") to his godfather. Sirius had looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:30 in the morning. He reached out to grab his godson, murmuring, "Come here, puppy." As he lifted Harry up and placed him on the bed, Harry folded his arms. "No tickle monster," he informed Sirius with a determined expression on his face. "Okay?"

Sirius had pouted, now half awake, and lifted Harry up so that he was sitting on his stomach but staring him in the face. "Please? Tickle monster nice," he pleaded.

Harry pouted. "No! No tickle monster!"

Sirius frowned. "Will Harry go sleepie? Let Sirius sleep for a little? It's early."

Harry giggled at that, but replied with a resounding, "NO!"

Sirius spoke in a quiet, deadly serious voice. "Then Tickle Monster must come."

"No!" Harry insisted.

"Tickle Monster is nice," Sirius explained as he tickled his godson mercilessly "But sleepie monster is better. Lets Sirius get beauty sleep."

With that, Sirius stopped the tickle attack.

Harry peered around the room. "Where is sleepie monster?"

Sirius looked around the room as well. "Under the covers."

With that, Harry pulled the covers off from Sirius and looked at the naked bed.

"Where?" he demanded.

Sirius shivered. Harry must have done that on purpose. "He's gone now."

"Yay! We can play!" Harry giggled.

Sirius shook his head and reached for the covers. "One of two monsters will get you. Tickle monster, or sleepie monster. If tickle monster gets you, sleepie monster will find you, too. If you let you get sleepie monster get you, tickle monster will go away for a little."

Harry pouted, his lower lip protruding out from his face. "No sleep. Play."

The effect was what Harry had intended; Sirius melted. Remembering how early it was, Sirius gave himself a mental shake and stood his ground.

"If we play, it's tickle monster. Or," Sirius paused. "What about pillow monster?"

"No pillow monster. Not fair."

Harry was referring to the fact that Sirius always used magic to pelt Harry with pillows when they played pillow monster. After a few weeks of cleaning up Harry's messes without vomit, he had sent an owl to the Ministry asking the "no magic" clause to be changed to "no magic on the Dursleys." He had been very sleep deprived when he wrote this letter, which the ministry could tell. They had sent a note back agreeing this to change and advising him to put a Sleeping spell on Harry so he could take a nap.

Harry's messes never seemed so bad after Sirius was able to clean them up with a simple, "Scourgify."

Now, Harry was pouting again, clearly considering his options. It was clear that he did not want Sleepy Monster or Tickle Monster to come visit.

"Play monster?"

"Pillow monster, tickle monster, or sleepy monster," Sirius replied firmly.

"Fine," Harry grumbled, sighing loudly. "Sleepie monster. Meanie monster. Meanie Siri."

Siri was Harry's then nickname for Sirius. Needless to say, both monsters visited Harry after that remark.