Chapter 51

If you think you might feel the same,
I'll be right here where we left off
Same old story, same old place
I won't wander, I won't let go
'Cause there's more life in my bones than you give me credit for —Let It Roll, Lewis Capaldi

Bella

Seth sent a group text at seven in the morning, pulling me from a restless sleep.

Jacob's awake. He's in terrible condition, but he'll be okay. He can have visitors at 1:00 today.

After my initial relief and joy at the news, the thought he wouldn't want to see me put me in distress. We couldn't continue being alienated from one another. Our family connections bonded us, and he would always hold a special place in my heart. Overnight, I had decided that if he made it, and if I could help it, I'd make sure we became close again.

When I spotted Seth's name, I fumbled for my ringing phone, panting out. "Hello."

"Are you coming over later? I hope so because he asked for you."

Seth's wonderful and much needed personal phone call wiped away the anxiety, sending a wave of excitement through me as strong as the nerves coming on at the realization of the state I'd see Jacob in.

"Of course, I am."

He gave a loud sigh. "Good... See you later."

"Seth... Thank you."

Determined to be brave and not show any shock at seeing Jacob in such an awful condition, I mustered up courage outside his room door. Then, gathering a deep breath, I squared my shoulders and entered his room.

The head of his bed tilted upward. A brace held his neck and head with a strap around his forehead. A bluish yellow tint discolored the skin of his swollen face. Along with cuts and scrapping, he looked horrific. I wanted to burst out crying.

"Don't look so sad." His lips stretched, corner's lifting. "I'm alive."

I tried to return a smile, but my mouth refused me. "I'm so thankful and relieved for that." I moved toward his bed as casually as possible. "Can I hug you? Will it hurt?"

"I'm on so much drugs. Hug away."

On my tiptoes, I leaned over his bed and gave him a gentle hug, breathing in a strong scent of soap and medication from his cuts. "Is that why you're in such a good mood, the drugs?" I forced a smile. I meant the joking question to lighten my tension, and to mask my horror at the sight of him.

"Maybe." He let out a small laugh.

"So, what are the doctors saying about your recovery?" Rachel had already relayed his medical issues, but I thought asking him would help us move forward in a conversation. This way, I could perceive his state of mind and how he viewed his situation.

To be nearer to him, I pulled the bedside chair closer and sat down, automatically reaching my arm through the opening of the bed rail and embracing his hand in braveness, for comfort, and to close the awkwardness between us. A squeeze of his strong, welcoming hand warmed me.

"I have a minor fracture on my neck vertebrae. A broken neck, I guess. To keep my neck steady until it heals, they'll screw on a more permanent Halo into my skull. I'll wear the Frankenstein contraption for about three months. I have four broken ribs. Other than that, everything else… The internal repairs look good. The doctor told me when my broken bones calcify, they'll be stronger than they were before they broke. That's good news because my ribs always take a beating.

"I wasn't drunk, since that's what everyone seems to think." I didn't intend to ask him about it. "I drove two hours before the fog settled in the area where I was driving. Then over three more hours slow in the fog, turning a four-hour trip into six hours. I was only about forty-five minutes away from home before I sped up. Almost all the alcohol wore off by the time of the accident. So my blood alcohol showed hardly any. I just drove too fast for the fog toward the end. If I had been drunk, I wouldn't be here right now."

"You shouldn't have driven, anyway."

"Well, I've gotta 'stupid' problem." He grinned. "You should know that by now." The laugh that followed sounded like sunshine.

My authentic smile surfaced, but I was surprised at his uplifted demeanor, so I pressed forward. "Aside from the obvious. How else are you doing?"

He attempted to move, then winced. "I'm excited to be here."

I was glad to hear it, but that wasn't what I referred. I lost my smile, debating how to address the next concern which, I assumed, would bring the most emotional damage soon, if not now.

Don't think. Just say it.

"I'm sorry about the Olympics. You've worked so hard all these years, and you came so close." Before I could finish the sentence, my voice cracked. Losing Ben and then this happening to him four months before his dream came true didn't seem fair. No. It, flat out, wasn't fair.

"Is that what you're worried about?"

I nodded.

"Don't be. I have until I'm forty years old to box in the Olympics. Nineteen to forty are the age limits. I'll barely turn twenty-one in two months. I have plenty of time."

I shifted in the chair, bewildered at his nonchalant response, and not knowing if I could trust it. "But you came so close now. That must... You know? Hurt." I arched a brow, in search of his genuine feelings. "You can tell me if it does."

Please, Jake. I needed him to talk to me.

His jaw tensed, soberness taking over his expression as he took in air and let it out. "All right... I'm pissed off at myself for it. Pissed that I made such a stupid and terrible mistake with such devastating effects on my body, almost costing me my life. I know it'll be painful to recover from. I won't be able to box for a long, long time. But... I'll tell you something I've told no one else, because I think they're all too scared to bring up the Olympics, afraid it'll upset me. I didn't want to go!"

My eyes widened in disbelief.

"It's because, when I use my one shot introducing myself to the world, I'll make sure I medal. I won't waste my chance, get beaten out without earning one. And this close to Ben not being here? My head wouldn't have been in it for me to succeed. My mental state needs to be one hundred percent intact, and it's not. I'm not ready to do it without him."

Sincerity showed in his eyes. He made sense, but I found it difficult to believe he could take it so well. I knew how hard setbacks affected him. I'm not sure what I wanted to hear. That he was devastated? That he needed my help? That he needed me? After almost losing him, I'd do whatever I could to help him. "Is that the truth? I just want to know for sure you're all right, Jake."

"It's the truth. They pulled me from sleep wee hours this morning. As soon as they told me I almost died, I came to a quick conclusion. I became obsessed with my dream. Not living my life outside of it." He pointed his finger upward. "Someone up there must have known, so he's making me take a well-deserved break." The smile appearing on his face lit up the room, and it dissipated the rest of the worry inside me. "Believe me. I'm good. So, don't worry about me missing the Olympics anymore. Promise?"

"Okay, I promise."

We drifted into conversations about a lot of different subjects. I learned that he dropped out of college after the first year. He couldn't work, practice, travel to boxing matches, and go to school. "Do you think you'll go back now?"

"Yeah. I have another four years to get ready for the next Olympics. I think I could squeeze it in before then."

I grinned, happy to hear he'd make room for school. A degree of any kind would always help in the working world, even if he just got it as a backup.

We talked as effortlessly as we did when we were together, as effortlessly as we did when we were young. I stayed visiting with him as long as I could, stealing everyone else's time, but nobody seemed to mind. Eventually, I'd have to leave.

Edward had offered to fly in for support when I told him about Jacob, but I didn't let him. It was a family thing. I told him I'd come home when Jacob was out of the woods, but I didn't expect him to reschedule my flight for later in the evening, without even asking me, right after I let him know Jacob woke up. It angered me. He picked a terrible time to act like a baby, pouting about my staying two extra days to attend Ben's funeral and then rushing me home. I would have loved to stay the weekend since it was upon us, like Emmett was doing, but Edward paid for the plane ticket. Because of the unexpected flight arrangement, Dad had to hurry back to Forks to bring my luggage and carry-on backpack to me. I think it angered him, too.

When it was time for me to go, Jacob beat me to my idea.

"Let's not be strangers anymore. We grew up together. Life's too short," he said.

"I was thinking the same thing, but I wanted to take it further than that. Let's be friends again. I'll give you my new number, so you could call me if you ever need to talk." Then I could be there for him if he struggled with his recovery.

Happiness brightened his eyes. "You can call me, too, whenever you want."

Joy rushed through me. "I will."

He wasn't sure the whereabouts of his phone, but I still entered his number in my phone. Then I wrote mine down for him. I gave him a hug and kissed his bruised, puffy cheek. Pain made him wince when he attempted to hug me back, scaring me.

As I was about to walk out the door, he said, "Bella… I…" The quiver in his voice made him pause for a breath… "Thank you for coming."

"Nobody could have kept me away."

After closing his room door, I heaved a big sigh. Mission accomplished. We made a lot of progress in a few hours. I felt ecstatic and peaceful as I left the hospital.

During the flight home, I grabbed my backpack from beneath the seat in front of me to take out the book I'd been reading. Digging through the bag, I brought out an envelope with my name on it. Dad must have put in there. I opened it and removed a rolled up paper with something wrapped inside. Unraveling the item, I peeled out a delicate piece of beaded jewelry and gasped, the wind feeling knocked out of me.

This always belonged to you. Jake.

Shocked to read the note about the item I'd thought was for someone else years ago, tears welled in my eyes. I clutched the beads and note within the palm of my shaky hand, and like a fractured dam that was my heart, a tidal wave of repressed emotions from the past and present ruptured inside of me.

I hurried to the small airplane restroom and completely fell apart.

Thank you for making it here.