"Tell me, didn't you taste anything new from the Bo're Life Dream?"
I thought I couldn't guess what you were thinking about, but when your ears turned red, and your eyes suddenly looked different, I knew exactly what you were thinking. But it wasn't just… that… which I meant when I asked you about the dream that Ming Ye had trapped us in.
How did Ming Ye's Bo're Life change you?
When I lived as Sang Jiu in the dream (or is it memory? I can't tell), I thought I knew everything there was to know about love. Sang Jiu was sweet and innocent, and she loved the God of War Ming Ye as purely as a pearl in a clam's shell. I thought love was like that, sweet and pure, innocent, just like in the novels. It certainly felt that way, as I felt Sang Jiu's heart beat fast whenever she saw Ming Ye, her lips smile in delight whenever he spoke to her, her skin tingle whenever he touched her hand.
I didn't know that loving someone also came with a cost. Sang Jiu's anguish at the sight of her clan's dead bodies tore me apart.
I swore then that I won't succumb to loving you to avoid Sang Jiu's fate. I was confident that I can make you love me, but I carefully guarded my heart from loving you.
But every day that I spent with you, trying to win your affection with the little gestures that I've read about in novels, and failing that, practicing what Pian Ran taught me in the art of seduction, made me lose my resolve. It wasn't because Pian Ran's teachings worked, but it was in the way you smiled at me whenever I brought you something, encouraged me to be better in cooking and be tolerant of all my attempts, and saved and protected my family, despite what you've suffered from us. You've genuinely cared for me despite the little I've given you, despite the lies I've said to you.
"Do you have feelings for me?" You once asked me. "Not as your marital duty, but your real feelings. I want your true love."
That night of the Pohang festival, under the bridge, you gently kissed me. When our lips parted, and your eyes looked at me, I saw in them the doubt that you had my love, but the acceptance that no matter what I decided, you'd still love me until I do.
Little did you know, you had my love since then.
But I never deserved your love.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Even if the Demon Gates proved it, I had to check myself," Si Ying said as she finished examining Li Susu. They were in a smaller house near the Demon Palace as Li Susu refused to stay in the enormous palace by herself.
"So it is true that you're carrying the Devil God's child," Mo Nv said in awe. She smirked. "I never thought Tantai Jin would be capable, but you proved me wrong." Looking at Li Susu's disgusted face, she laughed. "I did try to seduce him, once upon a time, but he proved ineffective to my charms. And that was even with two love threads in me."
Li Susu winced at the reference to those mortal years when Emperor Jin proclaimed Ye Bingchang as a Madame, a rank second only to Empress, and everyone thought he had made her his concubine. She looked over at Si Ying, who was looking scandalized at the thought that her dignified sister once seduced the Devil God. "Let's not… talk about that," she said, avoiding the subject, and making Mo Nv laugh harder. Despite the discomfort she felt about the subject, Li Susu had to admit this was the first time she had ever heard Mo Nv, or Ye Bingchang, laugh.
"All right, I'll stop," Mo Nv said, wiping the mirth from her eyes. She turned to Si Ying. "So, sister, our duty to the Devil God continues," she said.
Si Ying reluctantly agreed. "I'll see if I can spare any soldiers to be part of her protection squad," she said, standing up.
"Protection squad?" Li Susu asked. "You don't need to—"
"You will need them," Si Ying cut her off. "This is not the immortal realm, where everything is full of light and everyone is happy," she said, the last part a bit mockingly. "There are still some demons who will resent you for destroying the Devil God, and will take every chance they get to hurt you. We can't afford to let the Devil God's progeny be hurt in any way." Before Li Susu could reply, she swept off, her red dress swaying gently with her strides.
"She means you too," Mo Nv said, following Li Susu's gaze on Si Ying. "My sister may seem cold, but she could also be fiercely loyal to everyone she cares about. She certainly cared about the Devil God, but she also cares about who he had cared about."
"What about you?" Li Susu asked, partly out of curiosity, and partly out of the remnants of the fear and anger that she, as Ye Xiwu, had felt towards Mo Nv, as Ye Bingchang.
Mo Nv smiled sadly, knowing exactly what Li Susu was thinking about. "You and I have had a complicated fate in the mortal realm when we both lived as Ye Xiwu and Ye Bingchang," she said, her voice softer than Li Susu had ever heard it. "We have competed with each other for position and relevance, and at one point for the love of one man. I've caused you pain, and made irreparable mistakes that have driven you and Xiao Lin to your deaths." She took Li Susu's hand in hers. "If you'll allow me, I want to make it up to you. I… can't make it up to Xiao Lin anymore, but maybe I still can with you, my once sister."
Li Susu looked down on Mo Nv's hands holding hers. Ye Xiwu's pain was now like the dull ache from an old wound, and who was she to withhold forgiveness from someone who asked for it? Thinking back on the past, Ye Xiwu had caused Ye Bingchang pain as well, by letting her feel smaller and less important in the family, despite being the elder sister. Though Li Susu had attempted to be friendly with her once she took over Ye Xiwu's body, the discrimination against Ye Bingchang for being simply a concubine's daughter had gone on so long that Li Susu couldn't fault her for being suspicious of her actions towards her elder sister.
"Could Ye Bingchang have been different if she were born a legitimate daughter?" Ye Xiwu asked Tantai Jin as they lay on the bed together after the confrontation with Ye Bingchang and Xiao Lin.
Tantai Jin sighed. "Why are you thinking about your sister tonight, instead of sleeping?" he asked her, turning to face her.
Ye Xiwu shrugged. "I wonder if we could have contributed to how she ended up as," she said. "Should we have loved her enough, given her everything she wanted—"
Tantai Jin cut off Ye Xiwu's next words as he hugged her to himself. "You've done no more and no less than you could for her," he said, kissing the top of her head. Then he tilted her chin slightly to make her look at him. "What she was born as doesn't matter. What matters is what she made of her life despite the disadvantages of her birth. Yes, she might have been the daughter of a concubine, but she was your father's daughter, your sister, nevertheless. She had never lacked for food, shelter, and regard from your family, and she had captured the love of a prince. Most would have been content with that, but she became too greedy and want more than what she should." He raised himself up on one elbow. "But really, should we be talking about her all night long?"
Ye Xiwu smiled. "Well, what are you thinking about?"
Tantai Jin played with a lock of her hair instead of answering her directly. "I was wondering what it felt like to have love threads," he said, not looking at her directly.
Ye Xiwu pretended to think hard. "It feels something like this." She raised herself up, took Tantai Jin's arm, and wrapped it around herself. She laid her head against his chest, feeling and hearing his heartbeat skip and beat a little faster than normal. She smiled and placed a hand on his chest, tapping it gently as if lulling a child to sleep. "Let's just lie together like this and not think about anything else anymore."
Ye Xiwu fell asleep to the sound of Tantai Jin's heartbeats.
Li Susu clung on to Mo Nv's hand. "All right," she said.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Gongye Jiwu and Yue Fuya stood at the edge of a cliff, looking over the chasm leading to the Demon Realm.
"She wouldn't want to see us," Gongye Jiwu sadly said as he watched Yue Fuya call out for Li Susu.
"Senior Sister wouldn't be that heartless," Yue Fuya stubbornly insisted, and continued to call for Li Susu. "Senior Sister!" she called out into the abyss. "I know you can hear me! Come back to the immortal sects!"
The abyss made no reply back.
Gongye Jiwu and Yue Fuya had traveled from Hengyang Sect down to the Barren Abyss after hearing rumors of Li Susu reappearing in the Demon Realm. Why she had suddenly disappeared after the destruction of the All-in-Distress Way, and only reappearing after a hundred years was anyone's guess, but why she had suddenly reappeared in the Demon Realm of all places was everyone's point of discussion.
"She must have been in collusion with the Devil God after all," some disciples shook their heads in dismay. "Remember how she defended him even after Senior Brother Jiwu told her he had killed her father, Sect Leader Qu? She must be doing something to raise the Demon Realm up again and fulfill the Demon God's frustrated plans."
Those who were listening in had their mouths open in horror. "Does that mean we must prepare again for another battle with the Demon Realm?"
Some other disciples who knew Li Susu better countered this argument. "The Goddess Yuling wouldn't do that," they said. "She must be there for a purpose."
The disciples who spoke first scoffed. "What purpose could there be for the only true goddess in all of the realms to stay in the Demon Realm?" They shook their heads. "It's nothing good, I assure you. Especially Li Susu, who had willingly married the Devil God."
Gongye Jiwu had been powerless to quell the nasty rumors about Li Susu, despite him holding the Sect Leader position. He couldn't blame the naysayers, however, given that he had been weak enough to succumb to the temptation of the dark powers, even if he only did it to protect the realms. In hindsight, it was a poor judgement call, and he vowed never to be tempted again. He owed it to Tantai Jin, however, to defend Li Susu from the slanders thrown her way.
Yue Fuya had always been defensive of her Senior Sister, and was almost the lone voice of reason against the mounting displeasure against Li Susu. Sometimes, Gongye Jiwuhad to pull her off some fights she got into in defense of Li Susu.
Now, he was watching Yue Fuya shout vainly into the Abyss for the Senior Sister she dearly missed. He accompanied her as she scoured the entirety of the Barren Abyss, comforting her in her disappointment that she was returning to the sect empty-handed each time.
"This is impossible," Yue Fuya said after the nth time that she had shouted Li Susu's name. "We should have at least seen one demon in the Abyss that we can ask Li Susu's whereabouts from. It's impossible that they had all disappeared with the Devil God."
Gongye Jiwu sighed. They had both gone over this argument repeatedly. "The demons must have all perished with the All-in-Distress Way and the Devil God," he said. "If there were any demons left, they might not be staying here." As he said the words, though, his thoughts went back to a certain drought demon who had saved his life when he had fallen after Tantai Jin's cleansing of the dark powers from him. Where could she be?
Yue Fuya stared determinedly into the Abyss, and Gongye Jiwu had to admire this junior sister's steadfast loyalty to Li Susu. "I'll be coming back here, Senior Sister," she called out. "I'll come back and call your name until you appear in front of me. I won't stop until you come back with us to Hengyang Sect." She waited in vain again for even just an echo back to her.
Gongye Jiwu placed a hand on Yue Fuya's shoulder. "Let's go, little one," he said, and steered Yue Fuya away from the Abyss. She let herself be led by him, but they haven't made ten steps when they felt a ripple of power behind them. They turned.
Li Susu was behind them, smiling at them. But the sight of her wasn't the only surprise they saw.
She was also heavily pregnant.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx