The Grudge

by lovemehowx

Post season 7, in a world where Harvey never went after Donna when she resigned from the firm and the domino effect this has on the rest of their lives.

The idea for this came from obsessively listening to 'The Grudge' by Olivia Rodrigo, hence the title of this fic. My intention is for this to be at least 1-3 chapters long but I haven't decided anything yet. I want to see how readers react to it first.

Also, this first chapter is definitely very narrative heavy and so, so long (sorry!). There's not a lot of dialogue which was done on purpose - it was important to me that the backstories were properly set up and developed during this chapter before we continue. So please bear with me! The next few chapters will definitely be more dialogue centric and possibly a lot shorter (unless you like the long chapters?).

I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Favs, follows and comments are always appreciated. You can also follow me on Twitter for live updates (lovemehowx)!

xx, Gabby

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The Beginning of the End

HARVEY'S POV - Early Autumn, 2017

"I hate that I feel weak, and insecure, and that my last relationship is affecting this one, but most of all, I hate that I am about to say what I told myself I wouldn't."

"What is it?"

"When I took the time to process what you told me, I did a role-play in therapy, and when I did, I told you that I'm afraid if you keep working with Donna, we won't survive."

"Are you asking me to fire her?"

"I don't know what I'm asking, but it feels like there are three people in this relationship, and the last time it felt that way, there were."

"Paula—"

"I'm sorry, Harvey. I just can't do that again."

The conversation played over and over in his head, like a scratched record. Part of him hated Paula for putting him between a rock and a hard place and he wished more than anything that he could let those feelings of anger and resentment take over, allowing them to make the unbearably impossible decision for him. But, deep down, even though he would never admit this aloud, he knew Paula was right. As long as Donna was in his life, at least in the capacity that she had been for so many years, any attempt to fully commit to anyone else could never be more than just that - an attempt. Because, much like everyone around them knew, Donna was and would always be his one and only commitment, his priority over anyone or anything else.

This devastatingly extraordinary relationship with Donna was exactly what pushed him to make the phone call that he did, even if it caused him to run into the nearest bathroom stall to profusely vomit the little amount of food he had managed to graze on earlier in the day.

Harvey couldn't blame Donna for the reaction she had after Stu approached her with an offer. If she had done the same to him, he would have never forgiven her. Well, he would have, because he could never stay mad at her for too long, yet another weakness nourished by their complicated relationship, but he would have been in a world of hurt. Thinking about Donna now experiencing that much heartbreak and betrayal caused him physical agony.

"I don't want to answer questions anymore, Harvey. I want to know why you did it."

"Because Paula said she doesn't think we'd survive if you and I keep working together."

"Thought we were over that."

"Well, she's not."

"Then why didn't you come to me and explain the situation? Or even have the balls just to fire me?"

"I could never fire you."

"Well, this doesn't feel any different, Harvey, 'cause I don't want to go work with Stu. I want to stay here, in the position that I fought to get and that I love and that I know I deserve."

"I know you do, too."

"Then why didn't you stand up for me?"

"Because you put me in this position."

"It was one mistake, Harvey. One…in thirteen years. Now I'm going to lose my job because of it?"

"Donna, what do you want me to say?"

"I would've wanted you tell her that after everything we've been through, making me leave isn't fair. I would've wanted you to come to me, instead of going to Stu behind my back, but most of all, I want you to be there for me now, like I've been there for you every single day."

"Do you think I don't hate this? Do you think I haven't wracked my brain, trying to figure some other way out of it? Because I have, Donna, but I don't see one."

"Maybe I do."

Harvey didn't understand what Donna meant by that. He also didn't bother to ask because he knew that nothing he said could make their current situation better. All he could focus on was trying to understand why he had decided to go with his brain instead of his heart. There was no turning back now.

An estranged yet distinguishable feeling consumed every fiber of his being. It started as a knot of anxiety in the pit of his stomach that later radiated up to his chest, causing a stabbing pain around his heart and down his arms until they went numb. He could hear the blood pounding in his ears and when his vision finally disfigured, he knew the next feeling would be a tightness in his chest so strong it would feel like he was being choked by a force stronger than anything he'd ever experienced. A panic attack. He knew he should move, try to fight it in some way, drink water, anything to push his body and mind through the excruciating torture. Not this time though. This time he sat there, in his darkening office, watching his surroundings fade away as he closed his eyes, leaned his head back and allowed his body to succumb to the dread.

Harvey hadn't realized just how much time had actually passed until a notification on his phone pulled him out of his previously anesthetized state. The panic attack had left his body feeling exhausted and achy, his head throbbing with every thought. He turned his phone over and squinted at the screen to find a text from Paula.

"Donna just left my office, Harvey. I'm sorry but, like I told her, I'm not changing my mind. I wish it weren't so, but it is. I think we should get some space tonight, but I'll be at our spot tomorrow morning. I really hope to see you there, Harvey. I care about you a lot, I hope you know that. XO"

Harvey wasn't someone who was usually very pensive. He didn't find comfort in the quiet moments, instead, he strived to keep his mind busy and working overtime, rarely allowing his thoughts to wander too far from the unemotional aspects of his life - his next case, Mike's next case, their cases together, sports, cars, music, his next hookup - rarely ever focusing on anything that would otherwise cause his poised, secure and controlled image to falter. But tonight…tonight his mind, much like the rest of his body, was numb and craving sleep more than anything else. It had been years since he slept in his office, the last time being when Donna excitedly convinced him to re-paint every inch of his condo's walls a color that, to him, bared a striking resemblance to the color they were already painted but - because he knew the concept of remodeling his condo together in-lighted a certain sparkle in Donna's eyes - he blissfully gave in to her every request. How could he not? She was his everything.

Wincing from the discomfort shooting up his unstable legs, he pushed up and away from his desk, stumbled past the row of perfectly aligned basketballs and threw himself on the black, leather couch with a grunt. He doesn't remember falling asleep that night.

When he woke up, mouth parched and his head still pounding, he knew falling back asleep would be impossible. Not that it would matter anyway, since hints of light were already beginning to creep behind the skyline that surrounded the entirety of his office, indicating that sunrise was right around the corner. He forced his body to get up, reaching for the crystal water carafe he now kept on the coffee table.

"Might as well get some work done," he said aloud, rolling his eyes knowing that drowning out his feelings with work was one of the "textbook Harvey" defense mechanisms Paula had tried to work out of him time and time again during their former therapy sessions.

The silence and stillness in his office was unsettling. The entire firm was so quiet that the sound of documents coming through the fax machine could be heard in Harvey's office, even though the copy room was a thousand steps away. He sighed and walked over to his record player, knowing the longer he flirted with the silence, the more his mind would be encouraged to wander. His first instinct was to play one of his dad's records, but he knew that would instantly remind him of her. Donna loved his dad's music almost more than he did. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

"Fuck," he thought to himself.

He then reached for his favorite Miles Davis record but, before he could shut it out, he was plagued with another now bittersweet memory. His tired eyes stung with tears as he remembered how much fun he had had with Donna when he caught her attempting to sneakily replace his original Miles Davis record with a brand new one, jumping two feet in the air when he materialized behind her.

"What are you doing?" He asked, tilting his head curiously and then letting out a laugh when she jumped from the sudden intrusion.

"Shit, Harvey! You're like Ruth Gordon just standing there with the tannis root. Make a noise," she screamed, almost dropping the record.

"Rosemary's Baby," he said, raising an eyebrow quizzically, "I'm impressed."

"Shut up. You scared me," she giggled and hit his arm playfully, going back to what she was originally doing - adding the record to his already overcrowded shelf. Donna didn't wait for him to ask again, "I scratched your Miles Davis," she admitted awkwardly, biting her bottom lip.

Harvey teased and gave her a hard time about her scratching his record for about a week after that, but in reality, he didn't care, he just loved the way her cheeks would flush with a hint of light pink every time he brought it up.

"Fuck, get yourself together," he thought to himself again.

He gave up on the music idea all together considering he didn't believe there was a single record on his shelves that would not remind him of her. Over the thirteen years they had known each other, he was confident they had listened to every single piece of his record collection multiple times.

The closer he got to his desk though, the more his anxiety riled up again. Harvey's desk was always pristine by the end of each work day, he liked his belongings a certain way and most of the time, his desk and office were so immaculate that Mike and Louis would often joke about how it looked like no one actually worked there, taking a dig at Harvey's often laid-back work schedule. But now…now there was a letter on his desk. A letter printed on that lavish stock paper that Donna used to love printing his important documents on, back when she was his secretary. He knew. He knew exactly what the letter was and who it was from before he even got close enough to examine it. He picked up the letter with both hands and forced himself to trace his thumb along the curves of her signature, letting his touch rest over her loopy 'D.' Even through blurry vision and a pulsing heartbeat, he coerced himself to read it.

Dear Harvey,

Effective immediately, I, Donna Paulsen, hereby resign from the firm. Make no mistake - I wish I could stay, but I know that I can't. Therefore, I thank you for giving me the chance to be your Chief Operating Officer. I hope I have proved myself worthy of the title.

Unfortunately, I didn't prove myself worthy as your friend. I put myself first. Therefore, it's time for me to go. Though I will miss working with you, and everyone at the firm, more than I can say.

Goodbye, Harvey.

Please consider this my formal resignation.

Harvey read the letter three times before he finally put it back down on his desk. He would have read it a fourth and a fifth time if most of it had not become illegible due to his fallen tears mixing with the ink. Was that it? Was that what their thirteen years of friendship, partnership, loyalty and trust had come down to? She chose to leave in order to give him and Paula a chance. If he hadn't been so hurt, he would have almost been grateful.

"When did she put this on my desk?" Harvey's thoughts began spiraling, "She must have come in after hours, hoping to avoid me and snuck it on my desk without waking me up," he explained to himself carefully, almost in a dissociative manner. Not that the details of it mattered anyway. It was done. They were done. She had left.

Considering how much effort he had put into trying to keep a tight leash around his thoughts and emotions, Harvey was disappointed at just how quickly his mind betrayed him. He was unable to process a single thought, just letting them roll out to the forefront of his brain like clockwork. He held on to the edge of his desk to stabilize his weak body, no longer trusting that his legs could support the weight of his body. Harvey doesn't remember how long he had been standing there, staring down at Donna's letter in disbelief. He was abruptly pulled back into reality when the sounds of ambulance and police sirens and taxis honking in every direction made their way up to his office on the 50th floor. New York City was starting to wake up. Life was starting to move on. But why did he feel like his own world was standing so unbelievably still?

Turning around to look out his windows in an effort to hide his now tear-streaked face from any potential passerby, he noticed the hues of orange, yellow and pink painting the sky. With a heavy heart, he released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. How could such a beautiful morning also be so sad?

As weekend staff started trickling in, filling the firm's hallways - mostly cleaning, security and maintenance personnel and a few straggler associates wanting to catch up on work from the previous week - Harvey wanted…no, needed…to get out of there before any of them noticed the state he was in. He grabbed his suit jacket from the back of his desk chair, draped it over his arm, slipped his now dead phone in his pocket and slid into the elevator without anyone spotting him. He half-expected Ray to be waiting outside for him, but then remembered something. During the times he and Donna would spend hours into the night prepping for cases over some of her favorite-but-shitty Thai takeout, he would encourage Ray to go home and get some rest and to not worry about them, that they would grab a taxi once they were done. Ray became so accustomed to Harvey and Donna's little Thai night ritual every other Friday night that he would no longer wait for Harvey to send him home.

"Goddamn it," Harvey muttered under his breath realizing Ray was probably sleeping in today, considering it was Saturday morning, which meant Ray was on-call, in case Harvey needed to go somewhere, but not parked outside wherever Harvey was, following his every move.

"Well," he told himself, defeated, "A walk might be just what I need to clear my head." He put on his suit jacket to protect himself from the early morning breeze and looked down at his watch. 6:23 AM. Just enough time to meet Paula at their favorite coffee shop.

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DONNA'S POV - Late Spring, 2018

"Two medium coffees, both with a pump of hazelnut and room for cream, please," she told the barista with a soft smile before inserting her credit card into the card reader. Early morning coffee runs had become her responsibility before heading into work, an inside joke that quickly developed between her and Stu. Donna covered the morning coffee, Stu covered lunch, a deal Stu was sure he got the short end of the stick on but was always happy to uphold. Their lunch hour was their favorite part of their busy but otherwise structured schedules. Stu was charismatic, funny, kind and always overwhelmingly supportive of Donna and her endeavors, so the process of developing a comfortable work dynamic was something that they fell into rather quickly and naturally. Stu would become erratic when stock patterns would head in different directions than expected, Donna was one of the few who could talk him off the ledge. That seemed to be the main backbone of their working relationship.

"Hey!" She answered her phone enthusiastically as she slid into her town car with the help of her driver, making sure she didn't spill coffee on herself or the car, "Good morning."

"Good morning, love," answered Thomas, his tenderness always making Donna blush.

"Sorry I missed you this morning. Stu is expecting some big dips today so I just wanted to get a head start on what we all know is going to be an emotional day," she chuckled, straightening her dress to prevent it from wrinkling.

"No worries, I understand," he sighed into the phone.

"What's wrong, Thomas?"

"There's just—"

"Thomas, c'mon," they had only known each for a relatively short amount of time but Donna already knew all of his verbal and non-verbal cues like the back of her hand.

"There's something I need to talk to you about. Can we meet for lunch?"

She knew that Thomas was aware of and respected her and Stu's lunch tradition so him asking her to skip it immediately told Donna that whatever he had to talk to her about was serious.

"Of course," she paused contemplatively, "Are you sure it can wait until then?"

"Yes. You wanna try that new Thai place by your office? I've heard great things," he asked, trying to lighten the mood knowing she would worry all the way up until lunch time otherwise. Thomas loved Asian food and had been working tirelessly to get Donna to enjoy it for as long as they had been seeing each other.

And then, it happens. It doesn't happen often, at least not since she started dating Thomas, but every once in awhile, something or someone reminds her. Reminds her of him. It was like a flash, a quick moment in time when the world around her ceased to exist and all of the memories and emotions rush back, and it left her feeling paralyzed each and every time.

"Donna?"

"Sorry," she cleared her throat, blinking a couple of tears back, "Let's just do O'Hara's. I hate Thai food, remember?"

She stepped foot into the high-rise that housed Stevens Investment Group - her new home. The front desk receptionist had already informed her that Stu had a last minute meeting added to his schedule so Donna decided to offer her Stu's coffee instead, knowing she probably wouldn't get to catch up with him until later in the day. As the elevator doors started closing, Margot, Stu's young and energetic secretary slipped right in at the very last second.

"Good morning, Donna!" Margot grinned at her, although struggling to balance a stack of binders, work files and a cup of coffee between her two hands.

"Morning," Donna offered a smile back and reached out to her, "Here, let me help you."

"Oh, thanks," she split the items up so both of them were only carrying a comfortable amount, "I think it's gonna be a long night tonight, you know how Stu gets," Margot sighed, "We'll probably be here until the early morning hours trying to finalize these reports," she nodded towards the binders in her hands.

Donna gave her a sympathetic smile and rolled her eyes, "I know how that can be."

Margot seemed caught off guard by this comment and Donna immediately regretted saying anything. When transitioning into her new role, Donna gave Stu strict instructions to never discuss her work history with anyone. She wanted a blank slate, a fresh start. This was a hurtful path to follow, because the last thing Donna wanted was her previous work - phenomenal, passion-driven, worthy work - to go unnoticed, but at the time, she stopped caring, she craved peace of mind more than anything else. Of course, some of Stu's colleagues knew her from when Stu worked with the firm over the years and when she was out meeting with clients and networking, she occasionally ran into the subject, but because the worlds of finance and law were so vastly unrelated, almost like living on two separate planets, it hardly ever came up, to which Donna was grateful.

Donna tried to change the trajectory of the conversation, "Yeah, long hours at the office. I know how that can be."

The elevator doors opened and Donna followed Margot to her desk outside of Stu's office, where she dropped off her load of paperwork, "Thanks, Donna," she offered a shy smile.

Donna shrugged her shoulders, "It's nothing, happy to he—"

Margot cut her off, "No, seriously, Donna. You always take the time to greet me, to ask if I need help. I don't think I've ever told you, but it means a lot. Most people here ignore me. You all work miracles and I just sit here and answer the phones. It's nice knowing I'm not invisible to everyone."

And there it was again. Within a blink of an eye she was back in Harvey's office the day that Terrance Wolf announced he was investigating her for felony fraud in relation to the Liberty Rail case.

"How can I take care of it if you don't tell me the goddamn truth?"

"Do you think I didn't want to tell you the truth?"

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because I was ashamed. I know that it sounds stupid, but you and Mike and everyone pull these rabbits out of your hats all the time, and I just sit outside, and I answer the phones. And the next thing I knew, you were on my doorstep coming at me like I was some sort of criminal, and I panicked, and I lied."

"Donna—"

"I'm sorry, Harvey."

"I know you are, but this just got a thousand times harder for me to get out of."

"You mean for you to get me out of."

"Donna, you of all people should understand by now that to me, they're the same thing."

Her hands began shaking, notably enough that Margot pulled her out of the trance by asking, "Are you okay?"

Donna had to bite down on her bottom lip to prevent herself from letting out a whimper, "Yeah," she nodded, "Sorry, I don't know what's going on with me today," she chuckled lightheartedly, hoping Margot believed her lie. "Just hang in there, okay?" Donna offered with an encouraging smile, "You're worth so much more than what any of these people give you credit for," she added, in a lower tone that was loaded with a hint of repressed anger, "I'll see you later."

As Donna made her way into her office, she noticed a small cardboard box on her desk. She opened it curiously and grinned when she saw what was inside. Stu had promised that her new business cards were on the way, but after three weeks of patiently waiting, she had begun to think she had to order them herself. With how her morning was going, she was glad she had something positive to look back on, even something as seemingly insignificant as business cards. The cards read:

Donna Paulsen

Director of Client Relations

Stevens Investment Group

After a few months of working as her new company's COO, she began exploring other options that would allow her more time to focus on her new but promising relationship with Thomas Kessler, a growing passion for non-profit work and her new found love for marketing and client relationships, which was Thomas' doing. She learned a lot by sharing a life with a man who started, owned and ran his own company, it allowed her to grow in ways - personally, creatively and professionally - that she never expected. After all, her long-lasting relationships, connections, loyalty and ability to read people were attributes everyone had always admired - finding fresh and innovative ways to put them to good use had become her driving force. Thomas had also become passionate about encouraging her to do theater again, something she had completely given up during those first few months after leaving the firm, and she was learning how to love it again, so having time for more frequent auditions seemed like an attractive change of pace. Stu was more than happy to accommodate her newfound wants and needs as she'd proven to be the effective asset to his team he always knew she'd be - Donna never looked back.

When she first arrived to Stevens Investment Group, as her original offer stated, she transitioned into the role of COO, a career path she had not been ready to give up yet, even with how things had ended at the firm. Stu's executive board were not all thrilled about the change of leadership given Donna's young tenure within the industry, but after being overwhelmed with glowing recommendations from respectable names like Jessica Pearson and Louis Litt, they knew turning her down would be an avoidable mistake. Harvey had also written a letter of recommendation. A letter that Donna read over and over again, every day for about two weeks after she resigned from the firm. After running out of tears to shed, she strictly prohibited Stu from using it, telling him that if he wanted her to work for him, she needed to do it on her own terms and her terms would no longer ever include Harvey Specter. Stu agreed, although hesitant knowing how valuable having a letter of recommendation from the fabled Harvey Specter was, especially a letter written as devotedly as her's was. Once everything was said and done, she shoved the letter into the box she kept inside of her closet, with the rest of the items from Harvey, and never brought herself to open it again.

Donna had loved her time as COO, it was challenging due to the change of work environment and even more so considering she knew nothing about the world of finance. But she was a fast learner and was grateful to have something to throw every bit of herself into. At the time, the only moments her mind wouldn't wander to Harvey and everything that had ever happened between the two of them were the moments she was so caught up in her work that she physically didn't have time to think about anything else. Even her dreams had begun to betray her.

With the lack of sleep and time for anything other than work, she was nearing a dangerous line. She was thinner than ever, lunch with Stu being the only meal she ate most days. She drank her body weight in caffeine and barely sleeping, the circles around her eyes became more dark and prominent with each passing day. When she did manage a few hours of sleep, most of her dreams felt like they were throwing everything she had lost in her face, causing so much resentment and irritability to build up within every inch of her being that she had a hard time reining it in, even at work, which she promised herself was a line she'd never cross, especially considering how accommodating Stu had been with her from the beginning of their journey together.

She hadn't spoken to Harvey since the day she left the firm. At first, it was unclear, with how she had left things, whether or not they would be in contact again. But she always hoped they would be, that their friendship and connection was strong enough to withstand even this. The idea of not working at the firm anymore was a hard pill to swallow, a situation that ate at her from the inside out and made her more sad than she had ever felt, but her friendship with Harvey coming to an end so abruptly? That almost killed her. The first few days she waited by the door, by the phone, hoping - no, praying - he would come after her. But he never did, so she did what she had to do in order to survive.

Donna lived and breathed Harvey Specter for thirteen years, and forcing herself to cut him out of her life, out of her soul, out of her very skin, in such a drastic way was traumatizing, for both herself and her loved ones. She barely spoke with her parents during the first few weeks, immediately alerting to them that something was wrong because Donna would normally call them every few days. Her phone calls with her best friend were short and straightforward, she assured Rachel that everything was fine and under control, that she was just busy learning about her new career field, which was mostly true. The amount of coffee dates, brunches and dinners she cancelled with Rachel were alarming, and the guilt she felt didn't do anything good for her already declining state, but she knew that the moment her best friend saw her in person, she'd know something was seriously wrong and the last thing Donna wanted was to deal with an intervention…at least not while she was still falling apart and figuring how to how pick up the pieces. She did get around to going on some of those friend dates with Rachel, eventually, a couple of months after she had left the firm. She was never fully transparent with Rachel, but she told her as much as she could and Rachel understood, encouraged and supported her friend as much as Donna allowed her.

Mike was a different story. It took Donna almost four months to be able to talk to him, let alone see him in person again. You would think living in New York City and sharing such a peculiar circle of friends, colleagues and connections would make running into someone like Mike, or Louis, a regular occurrence, but because she was actively avoiding everything and anything law-related, shutting out that part of her life became her daily goal. She was thankful that Mike was patient enough to wait for her. Out of everyone, because he shared such an intimate relationship with Harvey, Mike was the person who most understood the intricate circumstances of her and Harvey's connection and he knew that she would need time. He reminded her a lot of Harvey, the young Harvey who worked at the DA's office when she first met him. Mike was driven, passionate and too smart for his own good and the idea of even thinking about him broke her heart. He reminded her too much of Harvey and she knew, even amongst the darkness, that keeping her distance from him would be best until she could separate him from Harvey in a healthy way.

Louis never failed to cry when he spoke to her, telling her how much he missed her and needed her, both professionally and personally, as a friend, but understood that she needed time. Because they shared a love for theater, spending time with him was a bit easier than most of the others. She denied his first few Broadway invites, but eventually, she allowed herself to let go, for just one night, and it ended up being such a needed break from everything else going on that they kept the tradition going. The theater seemed to be the perfect place for them to indulge in each other's presence while he could also offer his support silently.

Once Rachel and Mike decided to leave for Seattle, she was thrilled for them. At that point, she was already settled into her new job and in a new routine that fulfilled her in every way possible - well, in almost every way possible - so being happy for her best friends felt like something she could easily handle. They wanted to get married before they left, so they could have all of their friends and family present, and the moment that Donna had no choice but to deny their invitation was the second hardest moment of her life, next to walking away from Harvey. She apologized to them a thousand times, cried on Rachel's couch for weeks on end, she couldn't believe it had come to this, but Rachel reassured her that she didn't want to pressure Donna into anything that would set her back in her healing journey. And it would have, seeing Harvey at that point in time would have destroyed her. Donna knew that if she went to the wedding, there was always a possiblity that Harvey wouldn't go, and she couldn't handle doing that to Mike. Although she loved Rachel fiercely, she at least had family and other friends who would be attending. Mike had no one, Harvey was his only family and Donna would never forgive herself if her presence at their wedding took that from him. She wasn't sure if Harvey ended up attending their wedding or not - she couldn't bring herself to ask - and if he had, whether or not he had taken a date, and thankfully, her best friends were considerate enough to spare her from that little detail. But she hoped he had, date or not. She hoped he got to relish in that special moment enough for the both of them.

The first Christmas holiday season without Harvey hit her harder than she expected, because even though she was still surrounded by those she loved, the one person she wanted more than anyone was no longer a part of her life. She spent time with her parents; Louis and Sheila invited her to a fancy dinner party at their house which ended with a fascinating and revealing game of charades; Mike and Rachel invited her to spend a few days with them in Seattle, which gave her a much needed getaway and allowed her to explore a new city she eventually fell in love with; she even got to spend time with Stu and his new girlfriend. But, at the end of every night and at the end of every celebration, she still missed her holiday traditions with Harvey the most. Their annual trip to Hermes so Donna could buy herself a new handbag, which Harvey always ended up buying a tie to match it with; counting down the seconds until their colleagues went home after the firm's annual holiday party so they could do their own private gift exchange which almost always ended with Harvey getting teary eyed because somehow, Donna was the only person in the entire world who knew exactly what to get someone who already had everything; how Harvey always managed to sneak a mistletoe into the firm and would somehow always get away with stealing a kiss from Donna, even though they both insisted those kisses never counted because it was just a silly little Christmas tradition; how Donna would always add a little bit of peppermint to his Christmas Eve coffee, the combination of vanilla and peppermint leaving Harvey dumbfounded every single time because, "How in the world do those two flavors actually work so well together!?"

That December, Donna ended every night with looking out her window, at the snow falling outside, wondering how Harvey was handling his first Christmas season without her. Because, even though he now had Paula, a thought that constantly plagued her mind, she knew that the moments they once shared were irreplaceable.

Donna began the process of eliminating everything and anything that reminded her of Harvey from every aspect of her life the second she realized he wasn't coming after her. At first, she did it because she couldn't bear to experience those things again without her partner in crime, then she did it because having those reminders around made her feel angry, confused, unwanted and a million other emotions, all of which did not align with getting her to a better place, mentally. So, she pretended Del Posto didn't exist; she stopped eating Thai food because it reminded her of how he pretended to hate it but secretly loved it, especially from that shitty place near the firm that she loved so much; she stopped eating yellow tomatoes on her pizza because he was the only one who ever sacrificed enjoying a slice just so she could indulge in her unique flavor combinations; she never walked into an Hermes again; she swore off scotch because it reminded her of all the late nights in his office toasting to Macallan 18, which even the smell of reminded her of him; she changed yoga studios because he knew that's where she went to unwind; she stopped listening to jazz although Gordon's music was something she missed terribly; she stopped adding vanilla to her coffee and started drinking it with hazelnut instead; and most drastically, now that she was living with Thomas and renting out apartment 206, Harvey officially wouldn't know where to find her, even if he tried, which Donna had long stopped expecting - a bittersweet realization.

Eventually, the longer she spent without Harvey in her life, the more resentment and anger she associated with him, which in turn made it easier to cut him out entirely. She was just so fucking angry. How could he not look back? Was she that forgettable? Was she just that disposable? After thirteen fucking years of putting him before even herself? She no longer cared if he missed her or not. She didn't care if he thought about her or about how he was dealing with the holidays without her. Because now, every time she thought about him, she also remembered how he had not only chosen Paula, but discarded Donna like she was never even a part of his life, like the last thirteen years meant nothing to him. She hated him with every inch of her soul.

As far as Donna knew, Harvey Specter could go to hell.

Her thoughts, now fervent and overpowering, were making her whole body burn, like she was fighting off a fever. She hated days like this, although far and few in between, where she couldn't even focus on work without thinking of him. She hated him for that. Days like these made her wish she would have never met him, and although deep down inside she knew she was lying to herself, in that moment, she convinced herself that it was true.

Donna needed to clear her head. She had a client meeting later that morning and if she didn't get her mind straight, she'd risk her personal life bleeding into work, something she told herself wouldn't happen again.

"Get your shit together," she ordered herself before grabbing her purse and heading out the door.

She dialed his number before the elevator doors even opened. "Thomas," she let out a sigh of relief at the sound of his voice, "Can you meet me now? I have some time before my meeting and I really need to know what you have to talk to me about so I can actually focus." She knew the reason she couldn't focus had nothing to do with Thomas or their pending conversation and everything to do with Harvey fucking Specter.

They ended up meeting at a local Irish pub near Donna's office, since O'Hara's was not taking walk-ins so last minute. The loud environment at the pub was exactly what Donna needed versus O'Hara's more intimate setting. Thomas greeted her by the door, with a soft peck on the lips and a giddy smile. He loved spending time with her and missed her more than usual that morning. They grabbed a table and Thomas brought them their drinks from the bar - a mug of newky brown for himself, a cup of red wine for Donna. They weren't the type to drink this early in the day, but something about the energy Thomas was giving off told Donna they'd need it.

"So happy to see you," he smiled down at Donna and placed another gentle kiss on her lips before sitting down across from her, "Everything okay at work?"

She instinctively reached across the table for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his, "Yeah, everything's fine," she reassured him, but by the way her knee bounced up and down erratically under the table, he knew something was off.

"So," he continued, not wanting to push her any further knowing that'd only close her off even more, "Since we only have a short amount of time, I wanted to talk to you about the opportunity they just offered me."

This character trait was one that Donna always appreciated about Thomas. He was candid, transparent and concise with his communication, never keeping anything from her and always ensuring they were on the same page about any significant life changes. After years of dealing with Harvey's inconsistent, obscure and indirect bullshit, Thomas' directness was something she never knew she needed, like a breath of fresh air.

Donna raised an eyebrow and took a sip of her wine, indicating for him to continue.

"I was called into a meeting this morning. There's a mall owner that's interested in Thomas Kessler Furniture anchoring his mall. They sent the deal over," he paused, "It's a great deal, Donna."

The grin that spread across Donna's face would make anyone think she just won the lottery, "Thomas! That's fantastic, honey," she leaned over the table to give him a longer kiss this time, his lips were soft, almost silken, and pillowy against her own, "I'm so proud of you," she whispered against his lips.

Thomas kissed her back, not once, not twice, but three times before breaking away, "Thanks, Donna. But there's something else," he let out a deep breath, waiting for Donna to readjust herself in her seat before continuing, "The job's in California. San Francisco. It would be my first big deal with a mall, and because I'm still so involved with the daily designs and physical running of the company, I'd have to be on location, otherwise I would have told the—"

"Thomas," she sighed and offered him an encouraging smile, she knew he was nervous from the way he had started to ramble, "Just tell me what you need."

His eyes filled with tears knowing what he was about to ask carried enough potential to make or break their relationship, "I want you to go with me."

Donna had anticipated that was coming, yet actually hearing him say the words aloud, caused her world to start spinning, so much so that if she hadn't held onto the table in front of her, she probably would have fell. She had no doubt in her mind she loved Thomas and their relationship was something she treasured more than anything knowing it was exactly what she had been searching for for so long. They had not been together long, by any means, but they were both sure enough about each other. Thomas was perfect. He was genuine, kind, passionate, honest, confident and most of all, he loved her more than life itself. Thomas Kessler lived and breathed Donna Paulsen.

They had met towards the end of the previous year, at a work networking event. Donna spent the entire evening hiding out by the bar, continuously checking her surroundings paranoid that she would run into someone from the firm, but then Thomas introduced himself and she didn't think about the firm for the rest of the night. They were attracted to each other right away, knowing they'd share something special from the start, but Donna pushed him away and turned him down every time he tried getting close. They called each other and texted throughout the entire holiday season but because Donna was in such a dark place, she didn't allow him to take her on a date until New Year's Eve. The rest was history.

Deep down, she knew she could never get in the way of his business' growth and success and that she'd go to the ends of the world to help him achieve his goals and dreams, but it was still a hard concept to swallow.

Leaving New York? The thought had never seriously crossed her mind, even after how things had ended with Harvey. If anything, that would have been the perfect opportunity to run away, start a new life somewhere else, away from it all…away from him…no one would have blamed her, that's for sure. But she didn't. She stayed and did the best she could with the cards she was dealt. Because Donna Paulsen loved New York City. She thrived from the city's energy which can only be described as electric and utterly intoxicating. She loved the people - not just the personal relationships she had managed to nourish throughout the years - but general New Yorkers: fast-paced, no-nonsense yet actually quite friendly in the right context, tolerant, bullshit-avoidant. She loved the art scene, the traditions and lifestyle, the food and of course, the theater culture. They call it the City that Never Sleeps for a reason and Donna had never taken the time to ever properly consider leaving.

Actually, that's not true and she winced at the memory as soon as it entered her mind. She had considered leaving the city before. Harvey had once asked her - because he was truly curious knowing Donna's love for the city - if there was anything that would make her leave, go somewhere new and start fresh, and after thinking about it for a few minutes, she admitted to him that she would consider leaving if she ever started a family. This caused Harvey's curiosity to peak and he asked her to tell him more. She told him that, although she had always admired New York City kids and how they always seemed to grow up into some of the most independent, cultured little humans, she always knew that a part of her would yearn to live in a more family friendly atmosphere. She loved the idea of a turning a house into a home, white picket fence and all. And a dog! She remembered putting a lot of emphasis into that detail, making Harvey laugh. He loved seeing her get so animated and passionate about things she loved. Donna remembered Harvey's facial expressions and sparkling eyes as she was describing her dream life, outside of New York City, and if Donna didn't know him better, it almost looked like he was imagining himself there with her, willingly giving her the world. But they had had a few glasses of wine and she knew it was all in her head because Harvey Specter didn't actually care about a future with her.

"Where did you go just now?"

Thomas was looking at her inquisitively, caressing the inside of her palm with his hand, as tender as ever. Donna shook her head and blinked a few times hoping she could shove the memories back into the deepest part of her mind, never being able to access them again. Thomas knew about Donna's history with the firm, after all, she was the one who encouraged him to seek Louis Litt's legal aid when Thomas' business was in trouble. He knew she worked as an Executive Assistant for many years before being promoted to COO. He knew she had left the firm to pursue other interests and opportunities. He knew she had had a long-lasting working relationship with Harvey Specter but were no longer in contact. Donna was open to sharing some of the realities of her history with the firm with Thomas. That job and those years were a big part of her life so opening up about them to Thomas felt natural and comforting, but protecting her history with Harvey was a defense mechanism she quickly grew far too comfortable with. Not that it mattered anymore, she'd often think to herself. That part of her life was over and neither her or Harvey were looking back.

"Look, Donna," he swallowed feeling a knot building at the base of his throat, "I know this is a difficult situation. I understand. Whatever you decide, I'm with you - 100%. I would understand if you wanted to stay here, we can make it work."

"It's not that I don't want to go," she shook her head in disbelief, trying to wrap her head around the concept, "It's just a lot to consider, you know?"

Thomas knew Donna was right, there was a lot to consider. Her heart pulled her one way, while her brain and logic pulled her in the opposite direction.

What about their friends and families?

Donna knew her two most important friends had already moved away and San Francisco actually meant being closer to Mike and Rachel, which made her heart flutter with joy. Although she hadn't spoken to Jessica in a while, she had heard from Louis that she had transitioned to a job in Chicago. Either way, besides having Harvey and the firm in common, Jessica and Donna were never really too close, but Donna had always respected her dearly and she wished her the best always. Louis had Sheila now, which offered Donna a lot of comfort knowing he would be taken care of and, at the end of the day, she could always fly back to enjoy the occasional Broadway show with her dear friend. Plus, Louis had recently shared with her that they were trying for a baby which made Donna cry happy tears since she knew Louis had always dreamt of being a dad. He would be fine without her, she was sure of it. Her mom and dad would also only be a flight away.

What about her job?

She loved her new role and working with Stu had become extremely rewarding so the thought of leaving, especially now, felt like a punch to the gut. Thomas had continuously told her that she'd always have a place with Thomas Kessler Furniture, but the thought of working with a man she felt this way about again made her sick to her stomach. She couldn't do it. Maybe the new change of environment would offer her more time to explore the non-profit world, a recent idea she had become fascinated by. She was sure Mike and Rachel would help her learn the ropes to the industry and it could be fun. She also had the option to talk to Stu about making her position remote, she wouldn't even mind flying back to the city a couple times a month if the job required it.

What about their apartments?

Donna was already renting hers out and Thomas would just need to rent his which wouldn't be hard to do in New York City. Having a place to come back to if they ever changed their minds also offered Donna a sense of security.

What about theater?

This one hurt. She had just started to fall back in love with theater again and although she knew California would definitely offer a theater scene, it could never compare to New York City. Being such a short flight away from LA could offer her other opportunities though, maybe going back to her roots of auditioning for non-theater projects would be something she'd enjoy.

After letting her mind flip through all of the scenarios, carefully analyzing the pros and cons, she knew she could make it work. They could make it work. But there was still one person she hadn't considered.

They may not have been friends anymore but being in the same city as Harvey, under the same sky and under the same stars, was oddly comforting to her. Like they were bonded by an invisible string that she claimed she wanted to cut but in reality knew it served as a lifeline she wasn't ready to part with yet.

Leaving New York, leaving the city that brought them together, felt too final. It would be the equivalent of closing the final chapter of a book she wasn't ready to finish yet, no matter how badly she tried convincing herself otherwise. She didn't know how to live in a world without Harvey Specter.

But how could she tell Thomas that?

The sound of her phone ringing brought her back to reality, making her jump in her seat. Thomas had let go of her hand and instead had them wrapped around his beer mug, tracing the lip of the mug in a circular motion with his index finger. He was giving her space, allowing her to process the bomb he had just dropped on her.

Donna took her phone out of her purse and almost dropped it when she saw the phone number that popped on the screen. She had erased his contact from her phone but she hadn't taken the extra step to block his number. For how much Donna claimed to hate him, there was always a part of her that secretly hoped he'd reach out one day. Or so she thought. After this much time, she never expected to see his number pop up on her phone ever again. It was him, it had to be. She knew his phone number by heart, deleting it from her phone was just a pathetic attempt to prevent late night, accidental and potentially embarrassing phone calls when she happened to be tipsy on alcohol.

How? Why now? She tried convincing herself that, perhaps, enough time had passed that she really had forgotten his phone number and it was actually someone else altogether.

Was it a mistake? Did he realize what he was doing? Did something happen? Was he okay?

"Donna, are you going to answer that?"

Her entire body was sweating, her heart pounding so hard against her chest she wondered if Thomas could hear it.

"I can't…I can't breathe," Donna managed to say between short and erratic inhales.

"Baby, what's going on? Talk to me," Thomas was standing next to her now, his forehead furrowed with worry, eyes searching her face for any sign of understanding.

"I'm okay," she whispered trying to provide him whatever sort of reassurance she could muster, "I just need some air, I'll be right back, okay? Wa…wait here for me," as she stood up, her legs feeling more shaky than ever, she gave him a light kiss on the cheek and stepped outside.

It's been over half a year and now he wanted to reach out? She didn't understand. She knew she shouldn't answer but the idea of something bad having happened to him was enough to overpower any of her fears and hesitations.

Donna answered the call on the very last ring, "He…Hello?" She felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach, gagging at the taste of vomit crawling up her throat. Was the world around her actually spinning or was it just the wine?

There was nothing but silence on the other end. She could hear her heart beating in her ears, she really thought there was a possibility she could projectile vomit right then and there, so she placed her hand over her mouth as a precaution.

"You haven't changed your number," the voice on the other end muttered, with a hint of astonishment lacing the tone, as if they hadn't expected her to pick up at all.

Harvey.

Donna could recognize his voice anywhere. She had to press her hand tighter around her mouth to prevent the thunderous weeps she sensed boiling on the surface of her throat from coming out.

"Are you…is everything…are you alright? Did something happen?" She doesn't remember how she was able to get those words out without falling into a fit of sobs. Her tears, however, were a different story, now streaming down her face with no sign of stopping anytime soon.

"It's May 20th. I," he swallowed in an attempt to conceal his uncertainty, his quivering bottom lip making it almost impossible for him to continue talking, "I just needed to hear your voice."

May 20th.

Donna knew there was a reason that her mind felt so off all day, a reason why she kept thinking of Harvey and everything that had happened, even though she prided herself on rarely fixating on the topic anymore. This was why, this was the reason. Today's date was May 20th, the day she started working for Harvey, an anniversary they had celebrated every year for over a decade. Although she hadn't noticed the date until just then, she understood that her body and mind must have just known, the tradition imbedded so deeply within their very own synchronized internal clocks. It was the first time in thirteen years they weren't spending this day together. The memories of dozens of dinner dates at Del Posto, just the two of them, giggling like teenagers over multiple bottles of wine into the late hours of the night clouded her thoughts. May 20th had been a sacred day for Donna and Harvey, never allowing anything or anyone to get in the way of them celebrating it together. Hell, even when Donna left to go work for Louis, Harvey had somehow worked his charm to keep their tradition going.

The other end of the line was quiet, except for an occasional sniffle from Harvey.

Panic turned into shock, then confusion, then anguish…but now? Now all Donna felt was anger. An anger so all-consuming, burning so vigorously, she could feel her head and face becoming fevered.

What the fuck.

"What the actual fuck is wrong with him?!" She thought to herself, hopelessly searching for a reason as to why Harvey would do this to her. After thirteen years, she walked away from him, from them, choosing to rip the bandaid off on his behalf, because she knew - or, she thought - making the decision on his own would have broken him, and this is how he chooses to repay her? Harvey betrayed her trust, her unwavering loyalty, leaving her with feelings of confusion and sorrow that still lingered. He took everything she loved, everything she had worked for, and crushed it in between his fingers. Donna often wondered if Harvey ever thought about the damage that he did? How he managed to demolish her usually unshakeable confidence; how he built her up just to watch her fall; how she heard his voice every time she thought she wasn't enough; how she continued to doubt her judgement, her intuition, and how she'd never fully trust anyone again. Donna held on to every detail like her life depended on it. Whatever it was that they used to have, Donna's undying love for him, she now held it like a grudge. A resentment so compelling it was often too much for her fragile heart to bear. If Donna was being honest with herself, she knew they had both drawn blood, but those cuts were never equal. Did he think that she deserved it all? Donna Paulsen didn't think she could hate Harvey Specter more than she already did, but this? Reaching out after all this time of silence, after all the work she had put towards finally rebuilding her life, and doing it on this day of all days? There was no going back, their history irrevocably tainted with nothing but betrayal and heartbreak.

She wished more than anything that she could tell him all of this, to plague him with every crippling emotion she'd felt for so many months, she wished she could scream her misery away, until her lungs gave out, but she was paralyzed. She was stuck within the confines of her own fucked up mind and she loathed him for doing this to her, again.

So, after what felt like an eternity, Donna hung up.

"Donna, what's going on? Is everything okay?" Thomas came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. This unexpected touch caused Donna to jolt, because even after everything, Harvey Specter still had the power to make her forget about the rest of the world. She scoffed and thought to herself, "Not this time."

Turning around to meet Thomas' concerned gaze, her cheeks still stained with tears, she offered him a weak but sincere smile, "I'll go to San Francisco with you."

---

HARVEY'S POV - Winter, 2023

Absentmindedly strolling the streets of New York City, without a destination in mind, intricate smells and chaotic sounds as his only guide, had become one of Harvey's most recent favorite pastimes. He and Paula used to do this a lot, during the earlier half of their relationship, often walking back to Harvey's apartment from Paula's office, hand-in-hand, once she was done with work for the night. They loved grabbing whatever street food they could get their hands on, exploring new bars along their route, sharing a drink or two, and chatting the night away. Instead of at night, which he now regularly spent at different live jazz bars around town, letting the music - but mostly the alcohol - soothe his bruised ego, he took these strolls during the day, in between client meetings. Harvey let out a weary sigh, allowing the memory to pass.

Although usually mindless, today's stroll actually came with a purpose. He was on his way to meet a client but still had about half an hour to spare before needing to get to the cafe his client had suggested as today's meeting place. Truthfully, Harvey was all too familiar with the small, quaint French-inspired bistro - it had always been one of Donna's favorite places and so, much like everything else that reminded him of her, Harvey had sworn to never step foot on the premises again. But this is a client with a lot of potential, a lot of money and a lot of power and influence. If Harvey managed to land him, he knew he'd blow this month's quota out of the water, consequently allowing him to take his foot off the pedal for the next couple of weeks. He had been considering staying with Marcus for a while, he desperately craved spending some quality time with his niece and nephew, and landing this client could give him the exact peace of mind he needed to do just that. So, Harvey swallowed his pride and agreed to meet at L'Express, even though he could already feel the tightness starting to build in his chest, Donna's presence already becoming all consuming. He took a seat at one of the empty benches in Gramercy Park, just down the street from the bistro, offering his body time and space to soothe, to breathe. But instead, with thirty minutes to kill and not a distraction in sight, memories from the last couple of years flooded every inch of his mind.

Ever since things with Paula had ended, he couldn't stand being at the firm. In reality, he had lost his desire to be at the firm at all the minute Donna walked out of his life. There really wasn't a need for him to be there - Jessica, the only person, besides Donna, who would have forced his stubborn self to stick it out and work through the anguish was gone, making a name for herself in Chicago; Louis had been basking in all of the new managing partner glory since Harvey handed over the reins a month after Donna left, a gesture that Louis was both weary of and thankful for; Mike and Rachel had been gone for a few years, and although he still talked to Mike a few times a month, he and Rachel had their own lives to worry about - running a successful firm and now trying for a second baby, having had their first just a year into their marriage; although he still made casual conversation with Katrina, Alex, Gretchen and the rest of his colleagues from the firm if he happened to run into them while making a pitstop at his office, he knew they had their plates full helping Louis run the place.

In the past few years, Harvey had lost his spark. He knew it, everyone around him realized it too, but he was too caught up in surviving each and every day to care. He was still working a lot - it was the only aspect of his life still keeping him sane. Client meetings would take place at the firm or at a neutral location, like a bar or coffee shop; most of the behind the scenes work that went into each case, such as paperwork and research, would get done from his new office set up in his condo; and although he now mostly kept his head down, he would still show up for Louis, anytime he asked Harvey to close or settle a case. When Harvey and Paula were still together, he'd have the same work routine, except for the fact that they'd call each other multiple times a day to check up and love on each other, they'd meet for lunch and then end up back at Harvey's place for the night, most nights, after both were done with work.

Paula ended up moving in with Harvey a couple of months after their one year anniversary. At first, they thrived within their very own blissful bubble. So much so that Harvey even offered to help move her office closer to the condo, so he could see her more often during the day, but Paula never considered entertaining the idea, knowing keeping her practice where it had always been would not only benefit her and her patients as it had become a safe haven for everyone involved, but Paula knew her and Harvey's relationship would benefit from the space as well.

"It's just a few hours a day," she'd assure him, ignoring Harvey's protests, "It's good for us have our own things, our own space, especially now that you're mostly working from home."

That was the end of that conversation, Harvey never brought it up again.

After Donna left, Paula spent the major part of their relationship encouraging Harvey to reach out to his colleagues, to go out and to meet new friends, she'd remind him that spending all his free time talking, thinking and spending time with just her wasn't healthy, but this never got through to Harvey. He didn't care enough to take her up on any of her recommendations. He hated when she pulled the psychoanalysis bullshit on him, making him feel like she really never stopped acting as his therapist, making him feel irritated knowing this was one of the conflicts people warned him about when it came to starting a relationship with his Psychologist. Harvey felt confident in starting a relationship with Paula because he was sure they could push through the barriers of their former therapist and patient relationship, but some days, especially towards the end of their time together, he was no longer as confident in his decision.

If Harvey would be honest with himself, he'd admit that the main reason why he craved spending each and every single minute of his days with Paula was because it was the only time he wouldn't think about her. Every other aspect of his life reminded him of Donna. It never mattered how much time had passed, or how much hurt their ending had brought him, Donna was engraved into every cellular speck of his very being. If he was at the firm, he swore he could hear her infectious laugh and the purposeful sound of her heels, like a perpetual phantom presence, wandering throughout the hallways. Coffee shops, Italian restaurants, bars, luxury stores that displayed purses and shoes he knew Donna would obsess over, theaters…they all became too much for Harvey, acting like a constant reminder of what he had given up, what he had lost. So, he clung to Paula for dear life. Harvey knew this wasn't fair to Paula, he didn't mean to put her in this position, she deserved better - they both did. But what was he to do when his life had suddenly become one long fight-or-flight response? Running away wasn't an option - he still had the firm, professional responsibilities, clients and friends that he knew he could never consciously turn his back on because they depended on him, no matter how tempting it became, so he chose to immerse himself within the bounds of his partnership with Paula, failing to realize that this obsession with using Paula's attention, lust and companionship as a shield against a much deeper rooted heartbreak, would end up being the beginning of the end for them.

As far as Paula knew, her and Harvey's relationship, although at times unsteady, was overall resilient, especially now that Donna seemed to be an object of the past. They had moved in together, they had met each other's families multiple times, the sex was dynamic and stimulating enough, every aspect of their daily lives was so integrated within each other's presence that Paula felt confident in their future. However, the longer they dated, the more it surprised Harvey how poor Paula's intuition had become in regards to him, especially considering she was a stellar therapist otherwise. Harvey couldn't blame her though - if he were in her shoes and Donna were in love with another man, he too would subconsciously suppress his intuition, in hopes of protecting his heart from the inevitable heartache.

Things started changing for Paula when Harvey finally proposed. She never saw it coming, because even though she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, there was a part of her - a part hidden so far back within her innermost mind - that never thought Harvey would take that next step. But he did. He did for the same reasons he had initially asked her to move in with him after Donna kissed him…for the same reasons he gave her a key to his apartment, Donna's key. These impulsive decisions had proven to be his reaction to any fight-or-flight moment. Harvey may have been good at putting up a front that portrayed a composed, consistent man with an unwavering self-assurance that could fool most. A champion, by all accounts. Except that, woven into the fabric of his very essence, he was a doubtful, fragile and profoundly broken man. A man so petrified by his abandonment issues that he proposed to a woman out of fear of being alone again.

Harvey's mom had met Paula on several occasions, including the awfully uncomfortable dinner that Lily had accidentally ruined by thanking Paula for being the reason Harvey and her had reconnected, not knowing that the person actually responsible for that sentiment had been Donna all along. Lily liked Paula enough though, awkwardness aside - she thought of her as a smart, successful, empathetic woman who could be good for her son. Although Harvey never willingly shared much about what had happened between him and Donna, Lily - knowing her son better than Harvey ever gave her credit for - knew Donna had taken a part of Harvey with her when she left. She had to give Harvey credit, because after all, it was obvious he was trying. It was obvious that he cared for Paula. But the dullness behind his eyes was something that couldn't go unnoticed by a mother. So, Lily did the best she could to be supportive. She visited more often, proposing dinners and get-togethers so Paula could feel accepted. She constantly invited the couple to stay with her for long weekends, so they could get a break from the tension of the city. She frequently encouraged - or more like forced, because it was no secret that he was one of Donna's biggest fans - Marcus to plan family oriented events, such as cookouts and camping trips, always extending the invitation to Harvey and Paula in an effort to make Paula feel included within the family.

Eventually, when Lily got sick, she kept it from Harvey. She knew it was a risk, she knew keeping it from him would have the potential to destroy whatever bit of relationship they had managed to salvage after all those years, but the idea of pulling him back into such a dark place was something she couldn't bear to live with. Harvey was finally content enough with Paula, with the intimacies of their relationship and where it was potentially heading. Lily wouldn't say Harvey was as happy as she knew only one person could make him, but he was finally okay, finally stable enough to not have to worry about him every minute of every day. She kept her sickness from Marcus, as well. Not because she thought Marcus couldn't handle it - compared to his older brother, Marcus was surprisingly levelheaded and his emotional intelligence was more dependable than Harvey's - but she knew that if she told him, she'd need him to keep it from Harvey, and what kind of a mother would she be if she put her boys in that position?

As Lily's sickness rapidly progressed, it dawned on her that there was something she needed to take care of before it was too late. She had promised Gordon that her wedding ring, a treasured family heirloom that was passed down to her by the boys' grandmother, would be given to Harvey, their oldest, when the time was right. Even when Marcus got engaged, the idea of giving the ring to him instead of Harvey never crossed Lily's mind. Her and Gordon had always intended for the ring to be Harvey's one day and she knew that if she didn't give it to him soon, she'd miss her chance.

"I have something for you," she offered him a kind smile, leaning back to grab a small, black leather box out of her purse, "Here," she handed the box to Harvey. Lily had surprised him with a spontaneous trip to the city so they could celebrate his birthday early by going out to dinner, just the two of them, something they hadn't done a lot since he had started seeing Paula. To Harvey, this was just his mother wanting to spend some quality time with her son; to Lily, this was the only way she knew how to say goodbye, the only way she knew how to give her son, her baby boy, the closure and support she always regretted not giving him all those years ago.

Harvey chuckled, "What's thi—," his breath caught in his throat as tears began pooling around his lower eyelids, "Mom." He shook his head in disbelief, letting out a shaky sigh, "Is this what I think it is?"

Lily hadn't noticed she was crying but suddenly felt a warm wetness over her cheeks, "My wedding ring, yes. Your grandmother would have wanted you to have it," she paused, taking a second to compose herself, "Your dad wanted you to have it too, Harvey."

Harvey's bottom lip began trembling, he suddenly looked like her little boy again, "Mom…I just…," his first instinct was to decline it, knowing the only person he ever imagined giving that specific ring to was no longer a part of his life but knew better after he noticed his mom's face streaked with tears, "Thank you," he nodded his head and sniffled, "This means a lot."

"I hope you give it to her soon," Lily said, raising her eyebrow in an attempt to lighten the mood. She appreciated Harvey's attempt at masking his emotions but she could tell his heart wasn't fully in it. In reality, Lily also hadn't been fully transparent with him. When Harvey's dad and her had talked about their hopes for the ring, Gordon had let it slip that he hoped Donna would be the one receiving it one day, the feisty redhead seemed to have all three Specter boys wrapped around her finger.

Harvey took the ring out of its box and held it between his index finger and thumb, inspecting it as the light reflected off of the stones perfectly, causing a magical glimmer effect. The ring was simple yet breathtakingly stunning. The silver band was plain, drawing your attention to the round cut sapphire stone which was surrounded by what seemed to be hundreds of tiny diamonds. Harvey faintly remembered seeing photos of his late grandmother wearing the ring and had, of course, admired it on Lily's finger throughout his entire childhood - it was still as breathtaking as ever. It reminded him of a time when his family was whole, when his parents were happy.

Harvey pressed his lips together, feigning a smile, "You'll be the first to know if it happens," he mumbled, placing the ring back in its seemingly pristine box and sliding it into the inside pocket of his suit jacket, "Thanks again, mom," this time, the smile he volunteered was more earnest.

Lily decided not to comment or dwell on the 'if' part of Harvey's response. She knew when it was okay to push him and this was not the time. The last thing she wanted was to potentially taint what could be one of her and Harvey's last moments together. So, instead, she decided to have faith in her son and revel in every second of his presence.

Lily Specter died three short weeks later.

Prior to his mom dying, the prospect of marriage hardly ever crossed Harvey's mind. Sure, if he really thought about it, he could envision himself as a married man, that wasn't necessarily the problem. The problem was that he could never fully conceptualize who was the woman in those fantasies with him, the woman he was sharing his imaginary married life with. Back when he was seeing Paula as his therapist and she would get him to explore this exact topic - his innermost hopes and dreams - he would describe vaguely seeing this woman in the forefront of all of his thoughts, but he could never put a face to her compelling presence. He often described it as seeing her behind a veil of blurriness and uncertainty. Back then, Paula used to tell him that it was obvious the woman in all of his thoughts was Donna, but that he would never perceive her clearly unless he came to terms with all of his trauma. In the back of his mind, Harvey knew those privileged conversations were still prominent in Paula's memory, just like they were in Harvey's, and that it was most likely the reason Paula never brought up the idea of marriage, because it would hurt too much to consciously remind herself that, at one point not long ago, Harvey's idea of marriage included Donna instead of her. But those dreams and fantasies were a thing of the past, dreams and fantasies of a man Harvey no longer recognized.

He was happy with Paula. He wanted a future with Paula. She could give him everything he'd ever needed - unconditional love, stability and security. Paula was the safe choice, the choice his mom had encouraged him to take a chance on. So he did just that.

The proposal was simple and intimate, a quiet moment on a rainy Saturday evening in the comfort of their now shared living room. Paula's initial reaction was one of shock and doubt, but the pleading look in Harvey's eyes was enough to push her into his arms, tears of joy staining the neck of his pale blue dress shirt.

They were engaged for three months before they finally agreed to give into Louis and Sheila's unrelenting requests to throw them an engagement party. Louis took it upon himself to plan the entire night, renting out one of New York City's most luxurious locations - Tavern on the Green - as the background for the event. Harvey insisted that they didn't need anything grand or lavish, after all, Paula was one of the simpler people he knew, but knowing Louis, they weren't surprised when they walked into what resembled an enchanting, twinkling forest nestled in the midst of an otherwise bustling Central Park.

"This is beautiful, Louis, thank you so much," Paula had thanked Louis a thousand times that night, giving him a hug every chance she got, which Louis relished in.

"Anything for my best friend," Louis replied, staring directly at Harvey, before leaving the couple alone to mingle with the rest of the attendees.

Harvey chuckled and shook his head, "If he grins any harder, I'm worried his face might actually split."

Paula let out a belly laugh in response, "Be nice," she placed a gentle kiss on his lips, "He's just happy for us," she gave him another peck on the lips before nodding towards Mike, leaving the two alone to talk.

"Did I just overhear Louis refer to himself as your best friend?" Mike raised an eyebrow in amusement, "You don't see a man for a few months and he's suddenly replaceable?"

Harvey rolled his eyes and offered Mike a witty smirk, "That's what you get for abandoning me for Seattle," he chuckled lightly, bringing Mike in for a hug, "Good to see you, kid. Thanks for coming."

At this point in their friendship, Mike knew Harvey well enough not to take his comments to heart, but there was some truth to this one and it stung. The opportunity he was offered in Seattle was a once-in-a-lifetime one, an opportunity that came out of nowhere and one that Mike couldn't let pass up. He and Rachel were also starting a new chapter of their lives together and he now had their collective futures to think about. Nonetheless, he still wished things hadn't transpired the way they did. He wished he hadn't abandoned Harvey at a time his best friend, his brother, needed him the most, at a time Harvey's entire world was crumbling around him. Mike wasn't sure he'd ever fully forgive himself for it, but he knew he'd spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to him.

Mike patted Harvey's back reassuringly before they separated, "You were Best Man at my wedding, Harvey. There's no way I'd miss any of this."

Harvey's palms began to sweat at the thought of Mike's wedding. It had been so fresh after his rift with Donna that Harvey barely remembered anything from the night, before blacking out after drowning himself in alcohol. The absence of Donna at her own best friend's wedding was enough to rip his soul into pieces. She deserved to be there. Rachel deserved to have her best friend, her Maid of Honor, by her side during the most important day of her life. Harvey had never hated himself more than he did in that moment. He would be forever indebted to Louis for being there to pick up the pieces and to cover up his sloppy mess without the bride and groom noticing and forever thankful he had also decided to not bring Paula along, knowing she would have surely ended things right then and there.

"How's Rachel?" Harvey asked. He and Rachel weren't as close as he was with Mike, but he still cared about her more than he liked to admit. Rachel felt like an extension of Donna and being around her always made Harvey feel closer to Donna somehow.

Mike sighed and shook his head slowly, "She's okay," he took a deep breath, "Listen Harvey, I'm sorry. Rachel was going to come, she really tried. But, you know how it is," Mike paused, trying to gather his thoughts, "It's still hard for her too."

Harvey offered him a weak nod followed by a shrug, "I know. I didn't expect her to come, it's okay."

A spell of silence fell between the two friends, the air between them becoming thicker to breathe in with each passing second. Since Mike had moved to Seattle, most of the times they met up or visited each other, their interactions were kept lighthearted and relaxed, much like back in the old days when they spent the majority of their days bantering back and forth like a set of annoying brothers. But sometimes, every so often, they'd end up in a much more somber place, reminiscing on everything that went wrong, yet dancing around the topic altogether. It was a difficult situation to be in. Mike and Rachel were friends with both Harvey and Donna, as a group and individually, and their separation affected the dynamic of the foursome more than any of them liked to acknowledge. Most of the time, the words left unsaid said more than anything any of them would ever be able to properly vocalize.

"How is she?"

Harvey's sudden question caught Mike by surprise. He was aware that Harvey knew he was in contact with Donna, because of course he was, she had become one of Mike's closest friends, let alone the fact that her and Rachel talked on the phone weekly. But this wasn't news to Harvey, yet this was the first time he had asked Mike about her directly.

"Uh," Mike started, unsure of whether or not to answer the question, "I'm not sure I can answer that, Harvey," he looked away from Harvey's intense stare for a second before making eye contact again, "It wouldn't be fair to her."

Harvey understood what Mike was trying to tell him, he knew he would never share anything about Donna's new life without her consent, especially not with him. Still, Harvey knew Mike. He knew him like the back of his hand - he knew his facial expressions, how his eyes shifted depending on what his brain was trying to analyze and process. Mike may not have realized it, but he had just giving Harvey the answer he so desperately needed.

She was okay.

He took a deep breath - once, twice and then a third time.

"Harv," Marcus came up to them almost panting, like he had just ran a marathon in order to reach Harvey, "I need to talk to you."

"What's going on?" Harvey never had a great poker face when it came to Marcus, he worried about him openly and deeply, but right then, he was too concentrated on controlling his own breathing to also focus on his reaction to his little brother's apparent distraught behavior.

"I fucked up, Harvey, I'm sorry," Marcus' tone was starting to freak even Mike out, "Paula came up to me to chat - to thank me for coming tonight - and after talking for a while, I asked her to see the ring…because, well, I hadn't seen it in so many years," his eyes were filled with tears now, threatening to run down his face at any second, "And I told her that…I told her that I wanted to see the ring that mom and dad had insisted on keeping just for you, their favorite son, all these years, instead of letting me have it considering I was the first to get married. And I was kidding, of course," Marcus was rambling now, "But then she showed me her ring, Harvey, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you had given her a different ring. I just assumed…," he would have kept going if his lungs hadn't forced him to take a breath.

"Fuck," Harvey grunted, his jaw clenched so tight he thought cracking a tooth was definitely a possibility.

"Wait what?" Mike was dumbfounded, "What other ring?"

Giving Harvey time to process his racing thoughts, Marcus explained, "Our grandmother's ring…the one our mom wore. It was always intended to be passed down to Harvey and mom gave it to him to give to Paula before she di—," he was interrupted before he could finish.

"Marcus!" Harvey bellowed, clearly upset Marcus had offered up so much information. People had begun staring so Harvey was forced to reel his anger back in.

"Oh," it all suddenly clicked for Mike, "Oh, Harvey," he mumbled, shaking his head understandably.

"I don't have time for this shit right now," he turned his attention to Marcus, glaring at him, "Where's Paula?"

He found Paula in the women's bathroom just a few moments later. He knocked three times before storming in and although she never answered him, he knew she was in there, he could hear her cries from the other side of the door.

"Paula," he whispered, so low that she was unsure if he had actually even spoken. He looked around, for any signs of anyone else before approaching her, "Paula…I'm…I'm so sorry," was all he could muster.

Paula was standing in front of the mirror, her knuckles turning white around her grip on the sink, holding on to the marble for dear life. Her face was stained with hints of black, which he assumed had been caused by her mascara mixing with her tears before running down her face. Harvey had never seen her cry like this - she wasn't just crying, she was uncontrollably weeping, her chest rising up and down in an attempt to control her breathing.

He reached out to her, placing his hand on her shoulder, "Paula."

"Harvey," she managed between sobs, "Don't."

His eyes were burning now, every ounce of energy working to keep his tears at bay, "Can we please talk about this? Let me explain," he was practically begging at this point, he'd try anything.

"Explain?" She scoffed, bowing her head down, "I'm so fucking stupid."

"No, Paula, you're not."

She met his eyes this time, her sadness now replaced with a nauseating amount of anger, "Oh, really?! So what, did Marcus just make all that shit up?"

It then dawned on Harvey that there was no getting out of this. If they were going to survive this, he'd have to face it head on, be as honest as he could be, and pray to God, or to whoever the fuck was in control of this miserable life of his, that they'd make it to the other side.

"No, Marcus didn't make it up," he admitted.

Paula scoffed again, crossing her arms across her chest defensively, "So there was another ring? A ring your mother gave to you before she died so you could use it to propose to me but you used this one instead," she nodded towards the simple, gold ring sitting on the fourth finger of her left hand.

Harvey's gaze dropped, the mention of his mom's sudden and traumatic death still causing him to feel like he was being stabbed in the gut, "Yes."

"Where is it?"

Harvey could tell he was beginning to disassociate - a more recent defense mechanism that he had developed after Donna disappeared from his life - so he blinked his eyes multiple times, trying to focus on the words coming out of Paula's mouth, although clearly struggling, "What?"

"The ring, Harvey," Paula was losing patience, "Where is it?"

"At home."

Paula stared at him, obviously not satisfied with his answer. But it was the truth, just not the full truth. His mom's ring was at their condo. However, he chose not to disclose the fact that he had shoved it into the box he kept locked away in their closet, the box he refused to let Paula in on or even touch, the box full of items he had received from Donna throughout the years that he couldn't bear to part with, not yet anyway. Part of him knew he should be fully honest with Paula, especially now, but there was no reason to hurt her further.

"You have to be fucking kidding me," Paula said to herself, shaking her head with disappointment, "Why, Harvey?"

This was it. This is where he needed to be honest - or, as honest as he could be - while still being careful to not continue hurting her.

"I just…," he started but then tried again, "It didn't feel like your ring, Paula. It had too many memories attached to it, too many expectations. My grandmother wore that ring for over forty-five years. My mother wore it all throughout my childhood…Marcus and I were both grown adults by the time she stopped wearing it. I know it's supposed to carry good memories, and it does to some extent, but it also reminds me of the worst time in my parents' lives, of the trauma Marcus and I had to endure," Harvey paused to catch his breath.

What he was telling Paula wasn't a lie, but there was also a lot more to it. Yes, his mother's ring had the power to remind him of some distressing moments in his life, but more importantly, it mostly reminded him of the pretty great moments - of his parents' early years and how in love they were, of his father's unshakable faith in his mother, of how his father loved his mother with every cell in his body until the very end, even after everything she put him through…but most of all, it reminded him of Donna. It may have taken him longer than a decade to realize it, but that ring had always been meant for her. Harvey wasn't foolish though, he was aware that whatever could have been between him and Donna had long been buried. He had missed his chance with her and although he'd carry that regret for the rest of his life, he was finally getting to a place where he could begin to accept the idea of moving on. Donna wasn't coming back to him. It had been years and she hadn't even looked back so he finally gave himself the grace to find a way to be happy without her - or, at least, as happy as he could be knowing a piece of his heart would always be yearning for his long lost soulmate.

But yet, it was clear to him that moving on couldn't happen with that ring - Donna's ring. The mere thought of anyone other than her wearing it made him feel nauseous.

"I wanted us to have a fresh start," he admitted softly.

For a moment, Harvey thought Paula's guard was starting to come down but she was relentless, "So why didn't you just tell your mom to keep it?"

Before even allowing himself to process her question fully, he blurted, "Because it was her dream for the special person in my life to have it next and I couldn't put her through the disappointment of not accepting it!"

"Right," Paula exhaled and dropped her head, focusing her gaze on the tiled floor beneath her feet, finally coming to terms with the realization she's always known but prevented herself from believing, "I'm just not that special person in your life. It's not about the ring, is it? It's about the person," she sighed, obviously drained, "I should have fucking known that, this," she signaled to an imaginary line between Harvey and her, "Would always end with her."

Fuck.

"What are you talking about?!" Harvey could feel his skin starting to burn from the inside out, the anger hitting him out of nowhere, leaving him feeling winded and blindsided.

"Donna fucking Paulsen, Harvey! Don't you get it?!" She was crying again, tears violently rolling down her face.

"Paula." He exhaled sharply, "Watch it."

"See?!" She was screaming now, "This is what I mean! I can't even say her fucking name without you flipping shit, threatening me - your own fiancé - as if I were the enemy!"

He gave her another warning glare, before gluing his eyes shut in an attempt to drown out whatever she was getting ready to say next, "Stop," he pleaded.

Paula didn't miss a beat, "I'm so sick of her having this power over you, over us! She still has you under her influence but she's the one that decided to walk out of your life, Harvey. Why can't you realize that?! OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES! It's been years! She never cared about you, she never even looked back. But I'm here! I was the one who chose you! The one who was willing to pick up the pieces when she decided she was done using you and threw you away like a dog!"

Her words hit him like bullets, puncturing deep wounds in every inch of his being - wounds he didn't know if he'd ever heal from. He felt as if he was falling deeper and deeper into a pit, reaching out, trying to hold onto anything that could serve as a lifeline. But nothing worked. He was submerged in pitch darkness for what felt like an eternity. Until he wasn't. Until all he saw was red. At first, it only burned lightly, a soft ember that grew in size with each passing second, until it was a blazing wildfire, burning his eyes, melting his skin off. He could feel the anger in his bones, in his organs, crawling up his skin, making every hair on his body rise in response. The last time he remembered feeling anything remotely close to this, he had caught his mother in bed with a man that wasn't his father.

He was a ticking time bomb, all of the repressed resentment and rage causing his body to shake uncontrollably, "This is all your goddamn fault, Paula!" he screamed so loud he was sure the entire restaurant could now clearly hear their fight, "You gave me the ultimatum! You are the reason she left me in the first place! And I still chose to try to make it work with you because I care for you but now you go and throw it all in my face!? I have been in pure agony for years, Paula, years!" He could feel that he was starting to get lightheaded, "But here I fucking am anyway! Because I'm a good goddamn man, a man of my word, a man who would be incapable of consciously hurting you. But yes, Paula, you wanna know the truth so fucking bad?!" Harvey could feel bubbles of spit building on each of the corners of his mouth, he was quite literally seething with anger, "I've never loved anyone more than I love Donna, from the moment I laid my eyes on her I knew she was it for me! She's the reason that I live, the reason that I goddamn breathe! And her leaving almost killed me! So yes, I was never going to give you that ring," he could feel his bottom lip trembling, the knot in his throat had become so hard to swallow he didn't know how much longer he could keep screaming before needing to burst into a fit of sobs, "Because I respected you enough to not put you in that position! To not give you something that I knew didn't belong to you in the first place! I wanted you - us - to get a fresh start. But now you've gone and fucked that up too!"

The rest of that night and the following few days are missing from his memory. He doesn't know if the burning rage was strong enough to short-circuit his brain, or if he fainted from being so lightheaded, or if he simply drank his troubles away. In truth, Harvey could put an end to his speculation and just ask Mike, Louis or even Jessica, since he knows they were the ones who had to end up cleaning up the mess - both figuratively and physically - but they all agreed it was better if he didn't know. He already had enough painful memories for a lifetime, why would it matter if a few were missing? All Harvey knew is that his next memory after the fight was of him waking up in his Paula-free condo with an engagement ring thrown across his dining room table.

Harvey's phone ringing in his pocket pulled him out of his dazed state. He blinked a few times, attempting to be fully present before answering the call. It was his client letting him know that he was just a couple of minutes away from the bistro. Harvey reassured him that he'd see him soon, before hanging up the call and rubbing his eyes, still trying to feel fully grounded.

"This is the exact reason I don't let my mind wander," Harvey thought to himself, "Get your shit together and focus on closing this goddamn deal," it wasn't usual for him to need a pep talk before a meeting, but his mind was all over the place and he needed to start thinking clearly. Just one hour and he'd be done.

When he finally got close enough to the bistro, he could smell the bitterness of the coffee, the sweetness of the pastries and the aroma of the savory breakfast plates mixing in the air. L'Express sat on a corner, a distinguishable red and cream design, located on the first floor of a brick building. The French wooden doors and the outside seating really embraced the Parisian flair. The entire building, much like all the others surrounding it, were decorated for Christmas, making it look even more charming than usual. He had forgotten how much he loved this place. The last time he had been here Donna would not stop teasing him about the fact that he had willingly chosen to eat a burger and fries, at a place that offered something as delicious as 'Escargots Bourguignonne' on the menu - she never failed to be appalled by his eating habits and preferences, often saying they reminded her of a toddler. Harvey couldn't help but smile at the now distant memory.

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn't noticed the group of people coming out of the bistro at the same time he was trying to walk in, consequently bumping into several of them, including a little girl who lost her balance and fell back on her bottom, slipping out of his reach before he could prevent her from falling.

"Ow" the girl exclaimed, seeming a lot more annoyed than hurt. She couldn't have been more than three, maybe four years old. She was wearing a neutral colored, tiered dress, stockings, winter boots and an emerald green winter coat that accentuated her bright, auburn curls. Her face, adorned with an assortment of light freckles, and fearless grey eyes, reminded him of someone. When the girl looked up at him, narrowed her eyes and scrunched her nose in disapproval, he knew exactly who she reminded him of, the thought alone filling his stomach with butterflies. He smiled at her. For a second, he managed to forget all about why he was even at the bistro in the first place.

"Hey! Don't laugh, you made me fall!" She furrowed her matching red eyebrows at him.

That level of feistiness coming from such a tiny person with an even tinier voice was making it far harder for Harvey to suppress his laugh but he was trying, already being able to tell this little girl had more guts than people three times her age.

"I'm sorry, can I help you up?" He offered, extending his hand.

"Noooope, I got it," she sighed, getting up on her feet and brushing off her dress, "Be more careful next time."

Harvey was in awe. He couldn't believe the young toddler's vocabulary. He didn't have a lot of experience with kids but even he knew it was incredibly advanced. The longer he looked at her, the more he couldn't get over just how much she reminded him of Do—, a familiar voice coming up behind the child stopped him dead in his tracks, his feet immediately cemented to the ground. If anyone saw him at this precise second, they'd swear it looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Emma! I told you to wait for me, sweetheart," the woman called out, keeping her eyes glued to her phone, only looking up when her daughter came into view. Her face went pale, her eyes widening in disbelief as a jolt of electricity coursed through her veins. She felt like someone or something had sucked the air from her lungs, leaving her breathless and desperate for relief.

Harvey, still kneeling down at the toddler's height, could hardly see straight.

"Donna?"