Chapter 21

The morning came too quickly as Steven squirmed in Connie's arms. Weak sunlight filtered in through the slats of the blinds and across the floor, creeping steadily towards the bed.

Connie had been awake for a while already, doing her very best not to disturb the figure resting against her. Her heart clenched as she thought of how they'd fallen asleep the night before. Never, in the years that she'd known him, and through all that they'd gone through together, had she seen him lose control like that. Her sides still felt sore from the literally bone-cracking grip he'd had on her in the midst of his panic attack.

His reaction to her seemingly casual comment had shocked her with its intensity, and now she worried about how he'd deal with his family and the town asking about what had happened to him.

She'd have to stick close to him to make sure no one crossed any lines; it was the least that she could do. She looked down as she felt him roll over to face her, and his cracked gaze met hers. There were puffy bags under his eyes from crying, and although he'd been resting for almost five days straight, he looked as tired as ever.

"Good morning," she whispered.

Steven nodded and closed his eyes in reply, then turned and stretched himself across the bed.

With her arms free, Connie was finally able to climb out of the bed and stretch herself. Her sore ribs protested as she raised her arms above her head, spreading them in a wide arc before they dropped back to her hips.

Steven sat up and watched her with a conflicted expression. His eyes flashed from her to the floor before he took a deep breath and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

In an instant she was at his side, gripping his arm as he slid off and his feet hit the floor. His knees wobbled under him, and instinctively she threw her arm around his waist.

Steven's entire body froze at the touch. He stared straight ahead in silence; not breathing, not blinking, not moving. Connie felt all of the muscles in his back go rigid under her fingers at the same time that his hands began to shake. Her heart dropped.

"Steven, breathe. It's okay, just breathe." She squeezed his hand in hers as she tried to calm him.

He let out a long, shaky breath after a moment, and then all of the tension in his body dropped away as he moved to take a step forward. Together, they stumbled haphazardly across his room to his dresser, and he pulled open the topmost drawer to reveal a messy pile of blue t-shirts. He stared down at them for a long moment before pushing the drawer closed and reaching down for the one nearest to the floor. Connie knelt with him as he rummaged through the randomized mess of clothes; beneath the Sadie Killer and old Mayor Dewey shirts he seemed to find what he was looking for.

With her help he pulled the black, star-adorned shirt over his head and stood up.

"It's a good look, I like it!" She tried to sound as light and encouraging as possible as she looked him over; she wasn't exactly lying anyways, the darker shirt really was flattering on him.

He gave her a smile that bordered on a grimace and then looked towards the bedroom door. The tension returned to his shoulders as he stared at it, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"You don't have to go out there; take your time if you need to."

Apparently he wouldn't have it. He started for the door before she could properly help him, and he faltered.

"Hey, take it easy!" She caught him just as he was about to trip on the rug in the middle of the floor, and he leaned tiredly against her shoulder. The muscles in his jaw worked endlessly as he clenched and unclenched his teeth in frustration. Although the question seemed redundant and obvious, she had to ask anyway. "Steven, what's wrong?"

He looked over with a pleading expression, and didn't speak. She realized then that he hadn't spoken a word all morning, even though she had prompted him to multiple times. She chose her words very carefully.

"Are you able to… talk?"

Relief flashed across his face for a split second before it was replaced with shame. He shook his head, then looked away and sighed loudly through his nose.

She felt a pang of guilt; even though it was an accident, she was the one who had pried too far last night. She could tell how it pained him to even say the few words he could manage afterwards, and now it seemed he couldn't speak at all. She doubted that he'd truly lost his voice, but rather it seemed that some emotional constraint had silenced him.

In a strange way, it was almost a blessing. She could just tell everyone that he had lost his voice, and then they wouldn't barrage him with questions since he wouldn't answer them anyways.

After she explained her plan to him, he seemed much more at ease, though he still looked embarrassed. Together they made their way to the door, then more slowly down the stairs. Several times he nearly gave her a heart attack when he'd drop too heavily on a step, and she'd have to struggle to keep them both from taking a tumble. Eventually, they made it to the main sitting room of the house, where they were immediately met with several pairs of stunned eyes.

Greg jumped up from the couch, sprinting across the room to embrace his son, and before anyone else could reach them Steven was lifted high in the air. His arm slipped off of Connie's shoulder as he was spun around and away.

When his feet finally touched ground again, he was completely hidden from sight as the rest of the room's occupants converged on him. Peridot, Lapis, Amethyst, and Greg spouted exclamations of relief in a rush, not giving him a chance to speak even if he could. He was smothered in a group hug, trapped in a loud cacophony of his family's tears of joy.

"Guys, let him breathe!" Connie shouted over the din, standing on her toes to see if Steven was okay. His eyes met hers for a moment; he looked nervous, but he seemed to be managing it well. He gave her a weak smile as his dad took his arm and led him over to the couch.

Once he was seated, the barrage began. Lapis was the first to lean in and ask, "How do you feel?"

Peridot elbowed her in the ribs discreetly, whispering, "He probably feels horrible, that's a stupid question!" then louder, "Steven, we're so glad to have you back on Earth."

Amethyst shouted over Greg's head, apologizing tearily. "Steven, we're so sorry, we tried so hard to find you, but we just couldn't -"

Greg himself was beyond words as he blubbered into Steven's shoulder. Everyone was vying for his attention, speaking over each other in a confused jumble that even put Connie on edge, so it was no surprise when she noticed the pained grimace on her friend's face and his fists clenched white-knuckled in his lap. He swallowed anxiously as they made eye contact, and her chest seized at the sight of the tears blocking his vision. She needed to intervene.

"Steven lost his voice!" She cut in, stepping in front of him. "He's also not feeling well, so let's all just calm down, okay?" She put her arm around his shoulders and squeezed reassuringly.

He spared her a thankful glance before flashing a meek grin at each now-silent member of his family in turn. Just then, something caught his attention and his face fell. Without words, he pointed to the towel-wrapped gem on the counter and looked imploringly around, the question evident in his eyes.

"Oh, Bismuth. Well…" Peridot started, chewing her lip, "we don't exactly know what happened to her. Pearl was the last one to see her, but she hasn't been back since the night she brought you home. Connie told us that the two of them fused, and when Pearl left, Bismuth was like that."

Connie was the only one to notice Steven flinch at Pearl's name. He looked confused as he dropped his head into his hands, rubbing at his eyes.

With her hand still planted on his shoulder, she leaned down just in time to catch his knuckles lift from his cracked eyelids, and by some trick of the light they seemed to glow. He blinked twice and they were back to normal, the pinkish light disappearing so quickly that Connie questioned if it was ever actually there.

When Steven looked up again, the same frown of concern lined his features and he stared over at Bismuth's gem. Suddenly, his breath hitched and he scanned the room, looking over everyone's heads. He silently mouthed a single word to the group; Garnet?

Connie absentmindedly tried to smooth the tension from his shoulders as she explained how Ruby and Sapphire had been affected by the rejuvenator and that they hadn't fully come back yet, but that they knew it was possible, since they had managed to get Pearl back. Again, he looked down and squeezed his eyes shut as if they bothered him as she said the name of his absent guardian. Normal, warm brown eyes met hers as he looked up, and she decided that she really had imagined the strange, unearthly glow.

"Steven," Greg called his attention, pausing shortly to steady his breath, "I'm so sorry, please-"

Everyone froze and turned as the room was washed in a bright glow. Bismuth's gem floated a foot over the dish towel it had been resting on, emitting a blinding ray of light. It grew and twisted through the air like smoke, stretching and solidifying into the hulking form they all knew.

Bismuth hopped off of the countertop with a house-shuddering thud. Her rainbow locs hung loose in front of her face as she stared down at the ground, heaving for breath with hunched shoulders.

Amethyst broke the silence first, chuckling with forced nonchalance, "Welcome back, Biz."

In the brief moment where she looked up at them, just before she noticed Steven, Connie could swear she had never seen such profound pain on the gem's face. It lined her rugged features for less than a second before it was completely overtaken by shock as she saw the boy seated on the couch behind them. They parted to make way for her as she charged towards him, crying out in relief.

"Oh, my stars!" She took him up in her arms, crushing him against her jeweled chest. "When did you get back? How long was I out?" Then, as she let him sink back down onto the couch, looking over him, " And what the hell happened to you, kid?"

It was the question no one had dared ask so far, and it would have to still go unanswered. Connie settled herself next to her friend again and sighed, "He can't talk, he lost his voice. He only just woke up a few minutes ago."

Bismuth looked around at the group, seeming to note Pearl's absence, but she didn't mention it. "Can someone tell me what's going on?"

The room rose in a collective sigh before delving into the terrifying and stressful events of the last five days. Connie kept a close eye on Steven the entire time, noting every minute tremble of his frame and every hitch of his breath in case he became overwhelmed. He held onto himself pretty well, up until they started explaining the situation with Pearl. For some reason she couldn't decipher, his mouth would pull into a frown and he'd rub at his eyes any time she was mentioned. Maybe it was just a coincidence? From the way he looked, she wouldn't be surprised if his eyes were just bothering him in general.

Luckily, everyone had enough tact not to mention Spinel or her second visit to Earth.

When all was settled, and at Steven's silent request, the gems finally gave him some space. Lapis and Peridot escorted Bismuth back to Little Homeworld, barraging her with questions about what had happened to her, which she stonily ignored. Greg and Amethyst sat on the couch, chatting between themselves.

The house took on a calmer, quieter ambiance, and Connie decided that Steven could finally use a good meal.

…

Night descended on Beach City once again, and Connie found herself back in Steven's room, helping him find his pajamas. He had positively insisted on showering by himself, and she'd had to settle herself with sitting outside the bathroom door in case he called for help. Everything went by without a hitch, and he came out looking extremely refreshed.

While he'd sat himself on the couch between Greg and Amethyst, Connie crept up into his room to change his bedclothes. Even though she and her mom had tried to clean him up before bringing him to his room, a certain unwashed funk had stubbornly clung to his skin, soaking into his sheets. She just couldn't console herself with allowing him to lay on dirty sheets after the first shower he'd had in weeks.

She came back downstairs to join Steven on the couch. It didn't take too long for him to finally start nodding off as he listened to the inane chatter of Amethyst and his dad, and Connie was more than happy to help him bid them goodnight and ascend the stairs. He'd been walking better and better on his own as the day wore on, but the stairs seemed to intimidate them both. Even after they had closed his bedroom door behind them Connie kept her arm entwined with his, steering him over to his newly-made bed.

He tugged back on her, leading them both towards the sliding glass door. When they stepped out he seemed more alert, as if he had shed his fatigue in the moonlight. He pulled his arm away to rest against the banister and look out over the calm ocean thoughtfully. Connie mirrored his relaxed posture; after the noisy, unending chatter of the day, the quiet of night was especially refreshing.

The gentle lapping of the waves and the cool, salty air blowing in from the sea swallowed them, and Connie was reminded of the many nights she had spent staring up at the stars hoping for her best friend's safety. Now, with her elbow brushing his, she sent a silent vow of thanks to the sky above for granting his return. She watched as he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply through his nose.

"I forgot how bright the moon is."

Steven's hoarse whisper caught her off guard, but she hid her surprise well. His eyes never left the horizon as he waited for her response. She didn't quite know what he meant, so she hummed, then asked, "How so?"

He took a long time before he spoke again, almost sighing, "Look at how it's reflecting off of the water, off the sand. It's so…bright. There wasn't a moon, where I was…" His voice faltered, but he carried on. "there were just stars. At first, I couldn't see them that well, but…" He broke off and shook his head.

Connie's stomach had dropped as soon as he mentioned where he had been, but something told her that he wanted to open up about it. She placed a hand on his arm, tracing soothing patterns into his skin as she prompted, "Why couldn't you see them?"

The haunted look in his eyes could've torn her apart. "I was underground. Under the warp." Again, she felt her stomach twist. "I saw you and Amethyst, but I… I c-couldn't, I…" His face screwed up in a grimace and his shoulders shook as he stuttered himself to a halt.

She wrapped her arms around him in silence, swallowing the apology that welled up in her throat. She was sorry, Amethyst was sorry, everyone was sorry for what he had gone through, but hearing that from them wouldn't help him at all. This, a shoulder to cry on and someone to confide in, is what he needed. He turned away from the banister to bury his face in her neck, and his arms found their way around her waist.

His voice was muffled against her hair as he whispered, even quieter than before, "I just… I just don't know what to do… I don't know how to act; everything's different now." His voice hitched, rising in pitch before he finished with a shuddering, choked sob.

"Not everything, Steven. I'm still here, just the same as before." His face was hot against her neck as he shook his head, sucking in a sharp breath.

"You… you don't understand, everything is different," He hesitated, and that second of silence was deafening. "... I'm different."

She had to take a breath to keep her voice from cracking. "That's okay, Steven. We're here for you, I'm here for you, no matter what. Nobody expects you to act like nothing happened." She ran out of words then. What else could she say? She had no idea what he'd been through, and she had no idea how to help him cope with it. All that she could do was hold him as he trembled against her, still silently shaking his head, though she couldn't pin down what exactly he was denying.

She steeled herself against the tears that burned at the edges of her vision; she had no right to be crying while Steven needed her to be his rock. She had known that he'd be traumatized, but facing the reality of it stung in a way she couldn't have imagined. She wanted nothing more than to go back in time and prevent him from being taken in the first place, but that wasn't an option, so instead she half-carried, half-dragged him back into the security of his room and helped him into bed.

"Do you want me to stay with you again tonight?" She felt like she already knew the answer, but it was courteous to ask anyway. Just as she had expected, he nodded and patted the space next to him, sniffling and wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"Is your mom okay with you…staying here?"

She shrugged, "She knows better than to argue with me about it. So yeah, I guess she is." She carried on as Steven started chewing his lip anxiously. "Don't worry, she really doesn't mind. You need me more than they do right now, she gets it."

He hummed, still chewing his lip. The bed creaked as she sat down by his feet, and for a moment the two of them stared out at the night sky in a comfortable silence.

Connie stifled a yawn against her arm before asking, "Do you want me to make you something to eat before we go to sleep? You know, a midnight snack?" She checked his bedside clock, then corrected herself. "Sorry, a ten-thirty snack?"

Steven gave a low puff of air at her weak joke, but he smiled as he shook his head. After all, he had eaten almost four full bowls of the stew she had made for lunch earlier, so it was no surprise that he was still full. After he had rejected the snacks she brought him last night, she was worried that he might've been having trouble eating, but luckily she was very wrong.

With the warm knowledge that Steven was well fed in mind, she settled herself under the duvet next to him. The smell of freshly washed laundry wafted up around them, mingling with the clean, floral scent of Steven's shampoo. She breathed in deeply, letting the scents dull her mind in comfortable familiarity. As always, her hand wandered until it found his, and he rolled over to face her. She didn't need to open her eyes to know that he was watching her.

"Connie?"

She cracked her eyes open, though in the moonlight she couldn't make out much more than his silhouette. His tone hinted at something serious, so she shook off a bit of her drowsiness as she replied, her voice husky from exhaustion, "What's up?"

"Um, I just wanted to say thank you. For being here, and helping me so much, I really appreciate it."

She was so taken aback that she forgot about her fatigue. "What on Earth are you talking about, Steven? Of course I'm here, there's nowhere else in the entire universe I'd rather be; you don't need to thank me at all. If anything, I owe you an apology!"

She just barely made out the confusion crossing his features, and she realized that she had been wrong the entire time. It was obvious by the look on his face that he'd never even considered blaming her for what happened, and she'd been drowning herself in guilt for no reason. He opened his mouth to question her, and she blanched, spluttering, "It-it's nothing, just forget I said that-"

He sounded upset as he cut her off, "No, tell me what exactly you have to apologize for– you couldn't have done anything! It was going to happen, and nothing was going to stop it. If you were there, you would've just gotten yourself killed." She watched his shoulders move with his sharp breaths, and she knew that he was angry, but not really at her. She squeezed his hand.

"I know that, but I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me." He tried to cut her off again, but she spoke over him. "I know, I know, but still. I can't help it, but I'll be fine. You shouldn't be worried over how I'm feeling anyways."

That characteristic Steven Universe tenderness seeped back into his voice as he whispered, "I'll always care about how you feel."

Without thinking, she slipped her hand from his grip to tangle her fingers in his hair. It felt jarringly soft compared to the gritty, greasy mess that she had tried so hard to tame before. Any anger that lingered in him melted away as she stroked through his thick locks and she saw him visibly relax under her touch.

Steven's hand reached and slid from her elbow up her arm, cupping the bend of her wrist tenderly. He pulled her fingers from his hair to plant a firm kiss against her palm.

Every ounce of tiredness left her in that moment as she felt her face burn. He held her hand trapped against his lips with her fingers splayed across his cheek, not that she was trying very hard to get free. Her arm was tugged forward as he moved his kiss to the pulse-point of her wrist, breathing in and sighing against her skin.

Even the ever-present crashing of the waves seemed to melt away as the moment lingered. The silence and stillness of the empty house pressed in on them; by this time of night Amethyst was in her room, and Greg was still staying at Vidalia's. Connie's pulse quickened as she realized that they were completely alone.

With Steven at her side in the darkness, it was hard to imagine all that had passed since she left for space camp. If it weren't for the scars that littered his body and his unnerving, mismatched gaze, she could almost imagine that things were back to normal. For just a second, she let herself slip back into that carefree, puppy-love mindset from before.

Her hand tensed against Steven's jawline as she shifted, nestling herself against his warmth under the blanket. In one fluid move, she leaned in and grazed her lips across his, tentative and warm. His grasp on her wrist tightened, pressing her fingers harder against his cheek, and she felt him hesitate for a breath. Before she could worry, though, he moved forward, sliding his lips over hers with a bit more pressure than she had applied. They inhaled in synchrony, both of them overwhelmed with the familiar sensation they'd missed for so long.

The smell of him flooded her senses, compounded a hundred times as their lips parted. Her heart skipped a beat at the feeling of his teeth brushing her bottom lip, followed by the barest touch of his tongue. The taste of him hit her like a bomb, and all at once she was crushed by the weight of his presence. The heat of his face against her palm, his heart pounding against her chest, and his lips melding with hers filled her with a sense of relief so palpable that, as they parted, she felt the coolness of tears drying on her cheeks.

She swiped her thumb across Steven's face, only to find that new tears replaced the ones she'd wiped away. She couldn't read his expression, but from their closeness she could feel him trembling. She brought her other hand up to hold the other side of his face, stroking under both of his eyes with her thumbs. For some reason she couldn't understand, the tender action caused him to pull away with a short gasp.

"What's wrong?" She was so worried that she'd hurt him that she failed to hide the panic in her voice, which only caused him to cringe further away.

He only shook his head in response as more tears dripped from his closed eyes. He was trying to speak, she could tell, but it looked as if the effort pained him.

"I… I don't know." He forced the words out with some difficulty past his choked breaths. "I don't know, Connie, I'm sorry, I- I can't–"

She shushed him, shifting on the bed to pull his head against her chest. Compared to how they had fallen asleep last night, his sobs against her heart felt horribly and painfully familiar. Exhaustion crashed over her as she held him, brushing his curls back from his face while his fingers dug into her sides.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

He apologized over and over into her shirt, though she couldn't imagine what he possibly had to be sorry about. She comforted him silently, hoping that this would somehow get easier with time.

…

Nimble feet stepped down from the warp pad and carried her across the dusty pavement, instinctually leading her down the path that led directly to the center of the garden. For days she had stayed hidden, waiting, deliberating. She'd had much to think about after the exciting events that led to her short isolation, and she had finally come to a decision.

The fountain came within view; a stagnant, smelly pool of ancient water, now tinted with traces of human blood. The surface of the water was as still as glass, reflecting the galaxies above with perfect clarity. She froze for a moment, lost in memory, before she turned and scanned the ground.

There, abandoned in a brush of tangled, dried grass, was the handle of Spinel's weapon. Pearl picked it up gingerly, careful not to touch the button that would activate it, and it was effortlessly sucked into her gem. Not too far from her feet were the shards of a once perfectly-cut gem, shattered by her own hand in a fit of rage. No, not rage, she corrected herself. She would've shattered Spinel at any moment, no matter her emotional state.

She sneered down at the shards as if they were offensive. In one swipe she scooped them up into her palm, and with a few strides she watched the reflection of her cupped hands in the fountain's surface.

She uncurled her fist to reveal the mess, and an idea struck her. Her fingers combed through, searching until she found a sizable chunk, and the rest was tossed across the surface of the water. She kept her feet planted, watching as the reflection rippled, violently at first, then dwindling into stillness once more. All the while, she kept the remaining piece hidden in her fist.

She let the image of the garden fade from her thoughts as she stepped onto the warp, her next destination already in mind.

…

Author's note: Sorry for the delay, writer's block has been kicking my absolute ass. Anyways, I hope you're enjoying the story so far, and thank you for your patience!

As always, reviews are much appreciated :)