Chapter 24

"He's gone to the Diamonds."

Always so theatrical, Connie thought, but she had to admit that it was nice to have Garnet back in their midst.

"Why the heck would he go there?" Lapis shot back at the taller gem, unconsciously wrapping her arms tighter over her chest. Even though Steven had long since dismantled the Great Diamond Authority and forced the tyrants to give up their hold over gemkind, it was obvious that there was absolutely no love lost between them and the Crystal Gems. Instead of answering her question, Garnet turned to Bismuth. There was a moment's pause as she surveyed the grey gem.

"You need to tell them what happened with Pearl. They'll need to know, and Steven won't be in any state to explain it for himself."

Bismuth balked at her, her face flushing charcoal. She stuttered, sounding more flustered than anyone had ever heard her, "I- I can't, she- I don't even know what you're talking about-"

Garnet cut her off with a scolding look that quickly melted into sympathy. "I know that it's awkward, but I'm sure you can imagine how much worse it'll be if Steven comes back and they don't know." After a pause in which Bismuth didn't seem to relent, Garnet sighed. "She'll be with him."

That statement had an instant effect on Bismuth. Her breath left her in a sigh and she dragged a palm down her face, her panic replaced by resigned weariness.

"Who's with him? Is it Pearl?" Connie asked. Both Garnet and Bismuth's eyes shifted towards her, their expressions almost apologetic. Instantly, her stomach coiled with worry. She looked back and forth between the pair, waiting for an answer. Bismuth looked away first, ducking her face behind her hair and making no reply.

"Steven is with Spinel."

Connie's head snapped up to face Garnet, feeling her heart drop to her toes. So, he had been taken, then. She heard her mom gasp somewhere behind her as she drifted in a sudden surge of horrified adrenaline. How would they get him back now? Her breath caught. Would he even survive another stay with Spinel? Garnet seemed to sense her growing panic and cut in.

"Don't worry, he's okay." Her cool monotone calmed Connie as if by magic, and she realized with relief that Garnet wouldn't just be standing around on the beach if Steven were in any real danger. Then, she remembered part of what Garnet had said.

"You said that he's coming back? When?" Then she added with a shiver of trepidation, "Why is she with him? How did she find him- and what happened to him?" She threw her arms in a wide arc, gesturing to the destroyed beach and demolished house.

Garnet looked away from her to Bismuth, who seemed like she wanted to sink under the sand and never resurface. "If you don't tell them, I will." She said.

Bismuth heaved a great sigh and dragged her palm down her face wearily before she finally began to explain.

…

"Yellow, please, there's something wrong with her!" Steven shouted over Spinel's panicked cries. The small pink gem stared down at her gem with wide eyes as she continued to flash around the top of Yellow's desk, letting out a shout of fear each time. Steven tried to catch her, to try to hold her in place, but each time his hands reached out for her she'd blink out of sight and he'd hear her land just out of reach.

"I've never seen anything like this, Steven," Yellow replied, scooping the Agates off of the desk, all of whom had their hands clapped over their ears. "There's nothing wrong with her gem, it should be as good as new! I think we just need her to calm- Oh!"

Just then, as Steven made another desperate bid to grab her, Spinel shrieked and blinked away from the desk entirely. They watched with wide eyes as she hung in the air for just a moment before gravity took hold of her again. The Agates in Yellow's hand were almost thrown across the room as the diamond scrambled to catch her.

Steven was airborne in the next second, joining Spinel just as Yellow set her back on solid ground. It seemed like the short fall had shaken her out of the panic attack she'd been having; she sat motionless and slumped over herself on the stone floor.

"Well, I guess she did just need to calm down," Yellow started, sighing and leaning back in her chair. "-and you too, Steven."

At her stern tone, Steven realized that he was glowing bright pink again, overcome with anxiety for the gem staring listlessly at the ground in front of her. He couldn't help it; the harder he tried to breathe evenly and calm himself, the more he felt himself losing control. He grew to twice his normal height, giving off an abnormal heat that he was becoming familiar with.

Above them, Yellow tutted, "I think you'd both benefit from a visit to Blue. She's always been much better at the whole… 'emotions' thing." She finished with a faint look of disgust on her face. Steven could almost feel angry at her callousness if he weren't so preoccupied.

He knelt down next to Spinel, craning his head to peer into her eyes. He made sure to approach her slowly, openly, as if she were a wounded, frightened animal. She made no sign of recognition as he crawled closer and spoke in a gentle tone.

"Spinel?" He tried. She blinked. That was something, at least.

"Spinel, we're going to get you some help. Do you think you can walk?" He held his breath and waited for a response.

After what felt like forever, she looked up at him with glassy eyes. He could see his own luminous skin reflected in them, washing her face in a rosy glow. She frowned.

"Pink?"

He was taken aback for a moment, opened his mouth to speak, then stopped himself. Obviously she wasn't in a coherent state of mind; would it really be a good idea to tell her that yes, he was Pink?

"No, Spinel, I'm Steven."

She blinked the haze from her eyes and looked confused.

"...Steven? You-" She glanced over his head, noticing the diamond eyeing them both. She shrunk down and continued in a whisper, "What's going on?"

He could see her shoulders beginning to tremble again as she took in his appearance and their surroundings. His hands leapt up of their own accord to comfort her, but he stopped himself short. It seemed like she was hiding behind him instead of from him, though, so at the very least she wasn't afraid of him.

"You're sick, Spinel. We need to get you to Blue." His anxiety rose as hers did, and he feared she'd start to blink out again if they didn't get to Blue quickly. He asked, "Do you think you can walk?"

She looked down at her legs as if they would answer for her, then said, "I… I don't think so. I feel kind of dizzy…"

Steven was quick to calm, "That's okay! Can I, um-" He held out his hands to her.

Spinel cast another wary glance to Yellow Diamond before taking Steven's offered help. He hefted her up from the ground slowly. Sure enough, her knees buckled under her and in a moment he was supporting all of her weight. He wrapped her arm over his shoulder and braced his other hand against her waist.

With her settled so close next to him, he finally began to calm. His horror at Spinel's shattering began to fade in favor of determination; Pearl had failed, he had Spinel back, and he was willing to do absolutely anything to help her get better. She'd already been through too much.

As they neared the enormous door of Yellow's chambers, they heard her voice boom out from behind them.

"Don't forget that you still owe me an explanation, Steven. Come see me when she's recovered, please."

With Spinel tensed against his side, he turned and nodded at Yellow. They stepped out into the hall together and let the door thud shut behind them.

They trudged slowly down the hall in silence. He sneaked a glance at his side, where Spinel seemed very focused on moving one foot in front of the other without tripping.

"If you want, I can carry you." He smiled as she stopped to look up at him. The fierce, embarrassed blush that heated her face warmed him just as much. After a moment of faltering and looking back and forth from him to the ground, she closed her eyes and nodded.

Spinel felt lighter than air as he swept her up against his chest. She kept her eyes closed; whether out of embarrassment or fear he couldn't tell.

"Are you sick, too?" Her voice was a mumble against his shoulder, and he unconsciously cradled her closer.

"No, I'm not. We're going to Blue for you." He responded, slowing his pace.

"If you're not sick, then why do you look like that? Why are you so warm?"

He shook his head. In truth, he had no idea why he was turning pink and glowing, and it was concerning, but he really couldn't bring himself to care too much when Spinel was still in danger. He resolved to deal with his own issues after he made sure she was alright.

"Steven," she said, her voice trembling, "...what happened?"

He felt like he knew what she was asking, but he also knew that the answer would send her over the edge into hysteria. They were just around the corner from Blue's room then, but he paused. Spinel lifted her head to meet his eyes.

"Listen, I promise that I'll tell you everything soon, but right now I need you to stay calm. Everything's okay, though, I promise-" His voice caught at the look in her eyes. She was shivering now, curling her fists into his shirt as her face crumpled.

Even in her worst moments, he'd never seen her look so vulnerable, so afraid. He couldn't stop himself; his breath left him in a silent sob as he pulled her into an embrace. He was so much bigger than her, now. She was practically swallowed up by his arms.

His head swam with elated relief when, after a moment, she returned the hug. She only trembled harder against him, burying her face in the crook of his neck to hide her tears.

"You're gonna be okay, everything's going to be okay, I promise," he whispered into her hair.

She hiccupped against him, choking on her words. "B-but what- what about you?"

He pulled back, shocked, and blurted, "What- me?"

Spinel held onto the collar of his shirt for dear life. "You can tell me, please, I need to know…" She broke off and flung herself against his chest again. "Steven, please, please tell me you're going to be okay. I can't-"

He couldn't believe it. She was worried about him? He felt overcome with emotion at her consideration, so much so that his voice came out strained as he assured her, "I promise that I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me."

Spinel sniffled, "You're not fine, you're crying!"

He nearly laughed. He smiled and pulled back so that she could see the sincerity in his face. "I'm okay, seriously; I'm only crying because you're crying!"

That had the opposite effect from what he was hoping for. Spinel slouched down on herself, and said in a small voice, "Oh, I'm sorry…"

Steven felt his heart cracking for her. "Come on, let's get you to Blue."

He swept her up again, holding her as close as possible as they finally reached Blue's room. Blue Pearl stood as solemn as ever at the door, bowing to them silently before she let them in.

He froze just a few steps into the cavernous room. Unlike everywhere else he'd seen in the palace so far, this room was unrecognizable. He could remember exactly how it had looked six thousands years prior with its water-droplet chandelier, massive throne, and the warp pad stationed behind it. As it was now, the warp pad was the only thing that proved that this was the same room at all.

The warp pad was the only solid fixture in the room, seeing as the other fixtures were decidedly gaseous. Every inch of space, all the way up to the ceiling, was thick with a swirling fog. Some of it settled densely at their feet, sweeping across the entire floor until they couldn't see past their shins. Steven squinted through the smog, searching out the silhouette of anything.

"Blue, are you in here?" He shouted, shifting Spinel in his arms when his voice made her jump.

"Steeee-ven!" A familiar voice called from above.

In the next moment Blue came sailing down on a cloud. It seemed like the fog around them had condensed under her, carrying her wherever her whim directed. How it held her weight he had no clue, but as she stepped back onto solid ground he redirected his thoughts to the task at hand.

"Steven, I'm so happy to see-!"

He spoke over her in a panic as Spinel began shivering again, "Blue, I need your help! S-something's wrong with Spinel, and Yellow said you might be able to help her."

Blue didn't seem nearly as phased by Spinel's appearance as Yellow had been, and for that he was grateful; he really didn't feel like explaining anything just yet. Not until Spinel was okay.

"Well, what seems to be the problem?" She asked.

Spinel looked up at him expectantly, waiting for his response. He wasn't sure if she could even remember what had just happened in Yellow's room, given her confused state of mind. As he explained in detail everything that had happened since he arrived on Homeworld, including Yellow fixing Spinel's shattered gem and Spinel's flashy panic attack, her eyes widened in horrified disbelief and he knew that his suspicions were correct.

He should've known that it would upset her, but still he was surprised when her gem let off a fizzle of light. He immediately knelt and set her on the ground, then stepped back to give her space. Her body trembled violently in place for a moment, and in the next she was flashed over to Blue's feet.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Blue cried. "After all you've been through, to then be shattered, then brought back, and now- oh, it's horrible!"

"Can you help her?" Steven pleaded.

Blue nodded. "I've never seen a gem quite so…" she trailed off, but Steven was pretty sure the word she was searching for was damaged. "-but it's no matter, I think I can help her."

With a wave of her hand, a clump of fog broke off from the rest and condensed, drifting over to Spinel. As the cloud came in contact with her and lifted her off of the ground, he could hear her breathing even out and she stopped shaking.

"How are you doing that? What is this stuff?" Steven asked, gesturing to the clouds swirling above them.

Blue beamed down at him and explained, "It's my new power! You see, I used to want everyone else to feel the pain I felt, but once you came back, I decided that I needed to start doing some good. I wanted to bring joy to those around me. As soon as I realized that, my tears vaporized into these clouds! They instantly bring happiness to anyone who comes in contact with them, see?" She waved her hand, and Steven was wrapped up in a thick, warm mist.

It was nothing like anything he'd ever experienced before. It was comparable to flying, almost like the way he felt when he jumped high over the city to watch the sunset from above the clouds. He was filled with the same light-hearted, overwhelming contentment, and he suddenly noticed his cheeks aching from smiling too hard.

Then Spinel was in front of him again. She was positively glowing with joy, bouncing happily on top of her own personal cloud. Steven hadn't even realized that he had joined her up in the air until then. Without any warning, Spinel leapt towards him, crashing into his chest in the tightest embrace they'd ever shared. They laughed together, falling back against the velvety, impossible mist holding them up.

Blue smiled at them as they floated nearly level with her face. Neither of them noticed her at all, nor did they notice themselves slowly sagging towards the ground once again.

Reality hit Steven like a punch to the gut; his laugh died and smile dropped the second that the cloud dissipated around them. Spinel was worse off; she took a shuddering gasp just before she was thrown backwards, landing on the floor with a painful sounding thump. There she stayed, shivering so hard that she seemed to be convulsing and with tears streaming down her face.

"What just.." Steven breathed, shaking the fog from his mind. The change brought on by the clouds was so sudden that he felt disoriented. His stomach churned as Spinel yelped in shock and glitched across the room again.

"Blue, what the- you- you can't just make her feel better!" He shouted up at the bemused Diamond.

"I'm sorry Steven, that should have worked! Unless I keep her on a cloud for the foreseeable future, I don't think that I can be of help." She knelt down, though still she towered over him. "I can only bring a sense of joy to those around me, I cannot actually heal the things that may be… wrong." She frowned at her own wording. "No, not wrong. I don't think that there's actually anything wrong with her, I just think that she's been through far too much in her lifetime. It can't have been easy for her, after Pink…" She sighed and looked away.

Steven picked himself up from the floor, more dejected than ever. What was he going to do now? Blue was right, she had been through so much pain and trauma in her lifetime, and now it seemed like it had all caught up to her. Was this some kind of gem PTSD that she was suffering from? That seemed the most likely explanation.

He had already known that she was traumatized after she thought that Pink had abandoned her for six thousand years, moving on from her and never telling anyone what had happened to her best friend. He froze.

Pink hadn't told anyone what happened to Spinel, because she herself didn't know. Suspicion hit him like a flash of lightning.

"After Pink what? What did Pink Diamond do to her?" He asked.

Blue frowned, not taking her eyes off of Spinel as she finally came to a rest in the corner of the room, covering her ears. "What do you mean, Steven? Do you not know?"

"Do you know?" Steven challenged.

Blue finally looked down at him, her confusion morphing into shock as her face paled. She reared up on her knees and clapped her hands over her mouth for a moment before she whispered, "I think you need to go see White about this. I only overheard- but I never thought that-"

"Overheard what?" He asked.

"I'm not sure what I heard, Steven! It was so long ago, and I swear that if I knew what they were planning to do I would have stopped them, I would have helped-" She stammered to a halt, her eyes flashing between him and Spinel.

He couldn't believe it. Somehow the situation just kept getting worse, even as he worked so hard to clean up the impossible mess, it kept getting worse.

"S-Steven…" Spinel whispered from her corner.

Steven blinked the glare from his eyes before he turned to her, catching her staring at him over her knees. He moved over to her and knelt at her side. He didn't need to ask her to know that she wanted to leave, her eyes said it all.

He knew that he needed to calm down too; although he was reluctant to worry about himself just then, he knew that he was at his breaking point.

Especially with his new suspicion that the Diamonds may have had a hand in Spinel's abandonment. The only reason he wasn't running straight to White was because Spinel needed him with her.

Having her in his arms again quelled his temper if only a bit, just enough for him to carry her away from Blue without another glance or word. He led her down the hall aimlessly, his mind miles away.

Before they knew it they stood in front of the high, arched door that led into Pink's rooms. They entered and let the door slide shut behind them.

Pink's room was a blank canvas, as always. Sensing their master, the Pebbles appeared from notches and crevices in the walls that hadn't been there moments before, running up to them with quiet, squeaking cries of joy. In equal measure they yelled out his name and Spinel's while they climbed over them.

"Hey guys, it's good to see you too. Could you maybe-" before Steven could finish his request, the Pebbles had already fulfilled it. In front of him stood the Homeworld equivalent of a bed; he only hoped that the malleable clay of the room was soft enough as he lay Spinel down on top of it. She seemed to still be in a state of shock and stared listlessly at the ceiling high above them.

Steven heaved a sigh and dropped himself down at the foot of the bed, cradling his head between his palms. He felt the dull ache of tears behind his eyes threatening to fall and pressed his knuckles against them.

How had he not seen this coming? He knew that White Diamond hated Spinel's relationship with Pink. He had seen from both Pink's and Spinel's perspective the taunting glares, the threatening inflection of her tone as she spoke to them, and he didn't need to stretch his imagination very far to realize that she would have been more than willing to get rid of Spinel by any means.

Not only her, but Blue had known as well. She had supposedly overheard some part of the plan and hadn't done anything. Blue, whom he considered to be the most redeemable of the Diamonds, had betrayed Pink. That begged the question; did Yellow know what had happened, too? He reanalyzed their interaction from earlier, going over every detail of her expressions and words, and was still left undecided.

Still, he felt more lost than ever. Already, when he got back home he'd have one less guardian; Pearl was, for the indeterminable future, not going to see the light of day. He didn't want to dwell too much on that particular sting, but now he was faced with almost the same betrayal as hers from both White and Blue (and possibly Yellow, too, he added as an afterthought). Again he was left with an overwhelming feeling of hurt and anger, but this time he had nothing to truly direct it towards.

He wasn't going to rush in and poof White Diamond for what she did, no matter how much he felt like he wanted to. What he did to Pearl was an accident, although a rather fortunate one in the end, but he wasn't about to repeat that performance. He wasn't sure if he could handle another outburst like that; as he was finally able to sit and think, he realized that his body ached all over as if he had been hit by a bus. He let out another weary sigh, silently pleading for the madness to end.

He felt like a raging flame suffocating underneath a bell jar, choked and dimming. He had no energy left, and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to do anything to help. He couldn't avenge Spinel, nor could he seem to help her.

"Are you mad at me?"

Spinel's voice caught Steven off guard and he nearly jumped. She was looking at him warily and chewing her lip.

His eyes welled with tears at the sight of her familiar nervous tick, and his voice came out weak and hoarse as he responded, "No, not at all. None of this is your fault."

She didn't look like she believed him. She scooted closer to him and asked, "Why are you crying?"

He didn't think he could tell her, not without hurting her even more. She didn't need to know how desolate things seemed, how many people had contributed to the pain she'd suffered. She didn't need to hear that he didn't know how to help her. Pulling himself back together, he explained that he was just tired.

"Can't you sleep here? I mean, is it safe?" She asked.

As she suggested it, he realized that he really was exhausted. He didn't know how long it had been since he'd last slept; especially with the interplanetary travel it was difficult to even say what day it was. He was no use to anyone if he couldn't keep his eyes open, he realized, and he gave in. He nodded as he let himself fall back against the makeshift bed, laid out by Spinel's feet.

His eyelids fell under their sudden weight, pulling him into what he knew would be a deep and dreamless sleep. He heard Spinel settle down across from him, just out of his reach. He peered at her from under his eyelashes for a moment, noting her anxious glances around the empty room. A thought welled up in his mind, a sinking feeling that he needed to resolve before he could rest. His arm stretched across the empty space between them, reaching but not quite meeting with Spinel's.

"Please," he muttered, "stay with me."

The heavy silence that enclosed them almost lulled him to sleep before he felt Spinel's fingers gently laid atop his.

…

"She was trying to hide it from me, while we were fused. I could feel her panic when she realized that she slipped, and then…" Bismuth trailed off, her face cast down.

"She poofed you?" Connie supplied. Bismuth nodded.

So, that explained the grey gem's haunted expression as she reformed. Connie took solace in the solving of that one small mystery amongst the maelstrom of insanity that had just been dumped upon them all.

Logically, she knew that Garnet and Bismuth wouldn't be lying about any of this, Bismuth's embarrassment alone was a testament to her mortification and acceptance of the truth. Logically, it made sense. All of the dots connected perfectly; why Pearl would poof Bismuth, why she had always been so thoroughly devoted to Pink Diamond, and even why Spinel would come for Steven in the first place.

She held all of the facts of the story, or rather history, in her mind, but some part of her resisted understanding. So what, if Spinel and Pink Diamond were in love over six thousand years ago? What did that have to do with Steven crying out and destroying his home today? Why would he be coming back to Earth with her? Connie knew that she was missing something, and the twisting feeling in her gut told her that she might not want to know what it was. Her mom approached her from behind and laid a hand against her shoulder in silent support.

Lapis and Peridot stood together across from them, both staring in blank horror at Bismuth. In the arm that Peridot didn't have wrapped around Lapis's waist she cradled Amethyst's gem, sparkling in the dim moonlight. Connie was the first one to muster the courage to ask what they were all wondering.

"Why is he bringing her back with him?" She asked with her eyes closed, feeling the trepidation of the incoming answer pressing in on her chest and straining her voice.

Garnet actually hesitated.

Connie could practically feel her sorting through the possible outcomes to however many responses she could give before choosing the safest route.

"I can't say for certain why she's with him, not until he actually comes back. Connie, you must understand that this is a very complicated situation. As far as I can tell, Steven isn't quite the same as he was before. He-"

"Of course he isn't the same after what she did! Did you see him?! She tried to kill him! I've had to stay with him every second of every day since he came back or else he freaks out!" She shook her mom's hand off as the words burst her dam of constraint. Desperation lifted her voice higher, almost breaking it under the heavy breaths she rushed out. "Look what happened because I left him again! He's gone, with her again, when he's terrified of her! How could any of this be okay?"

Amethyst's sudden reformation took them all off guard, perfectly illuminating their expressions as they morphed from frightened pity into surprise. She fell clumsily against the sand, solid again, and looked up at them blankly. A few tense moments passed before Peridot cleared her throat and spoke.

"Well Amethyst, it seems that you know more than we do here. Could you please explain what happened?"

Amethyst looked around at the group gathered around her, finally landing on Connie with wide, disbelieving eyes. When she answered, Connie knew that she was speaking directly to her, even with everyone else leaning in to hear.

"I think Steven's in love with her."

…

"Stay with me."

Spinel held her breath as she moved her hand to cover Steven's. He was warm, but not quite as much as he was just a few minutes ago. He relaxed minutely at her touch, sinking more fully against the bed and into sleep. She watched his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, focusing on the repetitive movement to calm her own torrential thoughts.

She felt more balanced than she had since reforming as a new, altered gem, but it was a frail, unstable balance that she felt could shatter at the lightest touch. Her memory of the day so far was blurry and dazed, but the one constant that she could remember was Steven. From the moment she burst from her gem, he had been there.

She could remember with perfect clarity now the events of the garden. With her mind under her own control again, she recalled Pearl coming back for her revenge just as she decided that she deserved it. The crunch of her core shattering still rang through her in splintering cracks, visible now through her modifications. She rested her free hand against the illusionary hole in her torso, feeling the invisible flesh that sealed her form together. Although she felt like she deserved it, the sensation of her gem being smashed to bits would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Before that, though, she could remember waiting for Steven. She knew that he would come back for her, and he did.

She couldn't imagine how horrible it must have been for him to come back and find her like that. She shuddered. Steven sniffed and shifted in his sleep, disturbed by her sudden movement. She went back to holding her breath.

How he could possibly forgive her for all that had happened, she couldn't understand. There was so much that she simply couldn't wrap her mind around just then. She had a million questions she was dying to know the answers to, but for now she wouldn't disturb Steven with them. He looked like he hadn't slept in days and she couldn't help but to worry.

It was strange; she had no way of knowing how long they'd been apart, but the thought of them being separated at all was disquieting to her. What she wanted to ask above all was what he had been up to. Where had he been, with whom, and what had he been doing? Was he alright after Pearl had nearly killed him?

Was his life better or worse without her? Was he happier now that she was back?

She let her questions and concerns float away as she settled in to watch him sleep, imagining herself as his guardian. She could hardly believe that she was back in the palace again after so long. Back in Pink's room. It all felt surreal, but Steven's warm presence kept her grounded.

"Stay with me."

As if she could ever leave him.

…

Author's note:

Y'all… I had the worst writer's block for, like, weeks, and would you believe it, Twizzlers cured it instantly. Had 500 words sitting in a google doc for a month, then the second I got a pack of licorice, the chapter wrote itself in three days. Not sponsored, although a girl can wish lol.

Anyways, we are quickly drawing to a close. Stocking up on candy to pull through till the end of this story ;)