Chapter Eight-Tears, Fears and Fishin'

Matt held Kitty close as they lay on top of her quilt on the big brass bed, fully clothed, her back pressed against his chest, fitting together like two puzzle pieces. One of his arms stretched under her head like a pillow, while the other encircled her waist.

Kitty had cried until she couldn't cry any longer. She'd wept out of both guilt and sorrow. She felt guilty for having abandoned a baby she'd both wanted and loved while sorrow swallowed her whole when she thought about all his 'firsts' that she'd missed. His first tooth, his first steps, his first utterance of the word, 'Mama'.

She felt guilty for allowing Mr. McCullough to manipulate her, making her feel that she couldn't possibly raise her child on her own. She felt both guilty and anguished that her decision to allow Ellie to raise her son had relegated him to a childhood of running, hiding, and lying. Kitty had realized a long time ago, that if she'd just left Joplin with Thad to raise on her own, Tucker wouldn't ever have known the boy even existed.

But perhaps the guilt that plagued her the most was the relief she'd felt when she learned that Ellie had finally succumbed to one of Tucker's beatings. While she grieved for the tragic loss of her dear friend, Kitty secretly celebrated the fact that she, and she alone, was Thad's mother. At last, she could claim her boy as her own when the time was right. And apparently, that day had dawned.

"Matt," Kitty croaked, her voice hoarse from sobbing, "don't you have rounds t' make? It's late."

"Nope." He kissed her temple.

"How…how come?" she hiccupped, glancing at him over her shoulder.

"I arranged for Chester to do rounds. This was a special night for us. I didn't want t' have to leave."

She covered the hand that draped over her waist with her own, entwining their fingers. "I love you, Matt," she whispered.

"What's not to love?" he playfully murmured as he nuzzled behind her ear.

"Very funny," she used both of her arms to push herself into a sitting position. "I do believe I'm all cried out. I'm gonna freshen up and get ready for bed." She raised her hands above her head, arching her back for a stretch. "Will you get the bed ready?"

"Your wish is my command, m'lady," he tenderly stroked her cheek before she headed to the water closet.

Matt pulled down the covers and fed the wood-burning stove in the corner of the room. He gulped down a large glass of water before undressing and getting into bed. Patiently waiting, he stared at the ceiling; his hands laced loosely behind his head.

The snick of the door latch pulled the big man from his thoughts. He propped himself up on one elbow, watching his beloved redhead slowly walk toward him, only wearing her thin, cotton chemise and her frilly, muslin drawers. Her long, shiny, red tresses had been set free from their appointed pins, now strategically arranged over one shoulder.

Before joining Matt under the covers, she turned down the flame of the oil lamp, leaving just enough light so that their shadows loomed large against the walls. She eagerly accepted his silent invitation to nestle into his embrace, sliding her hand over his bare chest.

He cupped her chin with his palm, searching her bloodshot eyes before covering her lips with his own. She wrapped her hand around the nape of his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Their tongues tantalizingly mingled, causing Kitty to moan in pleasure.

"Cowboy," she breathlessly sighed, stroking his cheek with the back of her hand as she looked him straight in the eye, "we're gonna have to be real careful tonight."

"You mean be quiet, 'cause Thad's in the next room? I can do that…" he eagerly licked her throat before gently nipping it with his teeth.

Kitty's chest heaved as Matt untied the ribbons securing her chemise. She grabbed his hand. "No, Matt," she weaved her fingers into the waves on top of his head, raising his face to meet hers, "I mean careful. As in, we don't wanna make a baby."

He gingerly climbed on top of her, supporting himself with his forearms. He whispered in her ear, his breath causing her heart to race, "I'll pull out. Don't worry."

"Promise me," she breathed, arching her back, beginning to buck under him.

Matt swiftly relieved his lover of her chemise, slipping it over her head. He cupped one breast, suckling the pink bud before promising, "Cross my heart, Honey."

And so their dance began. Starting slowly like a ballet, flowing, sensual movements and sweet caresses, leading to the delicate removal of Kitty's frilly drawers. With her toes pointed and her long, slender legs bent toward her chest, she offered her dance partner a smooth entry. The familiar lovers seamlessly transitioned to a waltz of sorts, rising and falling, swaying and gliding, until their physical needs could no longer be controlled. Their lovemaking became frantic, progressing to a passionate tango; their hearts beating to match the staccato movements of their hips as soft moans and panting became the background music.

"Oh, God," Kitty hissed through her clenched teeth, "I'm close, Matt…"

With his eyes closed, he continued to pound into her, gasping, "Go ahead, Honey…I can't…hold it…too much…more…"

In an effort to muffle her cries, Kitty secured both of her arms around Matt's neck, pulling his mouth to hers in a frenetic kiss. Matt grunted, his eyes widening just before he collapsed on top of her.

"Matt," Kitty tried to catch her breath as she slowly pushed against his glistening chest, "oh, no…Matt, please…"

The big man panted, "Give me a second, Honey. That was…incred-"

"Oh, God," Kitty reflexively covered her face with both hands, softly crying, "You didn't…oh, no…"

Matt rolled off of her and laid on his side, his heated body pressed against hers. He cupped her cheek, turning her face toward his. "Sweetheart, what are you…" his voice trailed off as the realization hit him that he'd forgotten his promise to withdraw before he climaxed. "Oh, Kitty."

He tried to pull her hands away from her face, but all she did was whimper.

"Kitty, c'mon now," he spoke a little louder, propping himself up on one elbow, "this isn't the first time this has happened."

She slid her hands down her face, drawing a deep breath. She sat up, her breasts completely exposed. Her eyes narrowed as she quietly retorted, "So you think because we got lucky in the past, we'll always be lucky?! I've got news for you, Matt," she swallowed her tears as she pointed toward the adjoining room, "that boy in there is evidence that babies get made when men forget their promises." She hopped out of bed and snatched her dressing gown off the footboard post.

"Kitty," Matt no longer kept his voice down as he followed her. He grasped her arm as she stormed toward the water closet, whipping her around to face him. "I'm not him," he rumbled like a bear, releasing his hold on her. "I'd never let you face anything like that alone. I think you know me better than that. I'm insulted that you'd even think-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the sobbing redhead launched herself at him, squeezing him around his waist. She stammered into his chest, "I'm so, so, sor-sorry, Matt. I know…know you're…right. I don't know what…what came over me…me…"

The big man tenderly rubbed circles on her back, kissing the top of her head. "It's okay, Honey," he reassured, "It's all gonna be okay."

"Mama!" The piercing shouts made them jump. "Leave me alone! Let me go!"

"THAD!" Kitty pushed Matt away and burst into the child's room, her eyes wild with fear.

The boy thrashed against his invisible assailant, tangling himself in his blankets.

Kitty firmly grabbed him by his shoulders, "Sweetheart, you're having a bad dream. Wake up…"

"Let me go!" his tone softened as his eyelids fluttered, bringing him to consciousness. "Mama?" He stared at Kitty while his head rested on his pillow.

"I'm here, sweet boy," she soothed, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "You just had a bad dream is all."

"It was him. My pa, Tucker," he explained, his voice still thick with sleep. "He came t' get me and he hurt you real bad."

Matt stood in the doorway with only a sheet wrapped around his waist. Once he realized no one had actually been harming Kitty's son, he retreated into their room to locate his displaced union suit.

"Thad, you know Tucker is dead. He can never take you away from me or hurt me. Never. Do you understand?"

He sat up, rubbing his eyes with his small fists to adjust to the darkness. "Oui, Maman," he sleepily mumbled as if he'd forgotten where he was.

Kitty's eyes widened as she lightly placed her hands on his shoulders. "Parles tu francais, mon fils?" she whispered in disbelief.

"Oui, un peu," he yawned.

She pulled him into her chest, gently rubbing his back. That'd be Lucy, alright. The child might not know his multiplication facts, but he can speak a little French. Good grief.

"Anything else I should know about you, Sweetie? I've gotta say, speaking French is a surprise," her voice lilted as her brows furrowed.

He rested his head against her bosom, sighing, "Miss Lucy made me take piano lessons. I didn't really like that, but I liked her, so I did it without fussin'."

The redhead rested her chin on top of his wavy locks. "Promise me that if you don't like something, you'll tell me. I don't want to make you do something you don't like, unless of course, it's a necessary skill. Like reading and arithmetic."

"I…promise," he yawned, closing his eyes.

Kitty tenderly laid him down, blessing his forehead with a kiss. "You go back to sleep. We've only got a few more hours till we have to get up to go fishin'." She stood and stared at the marvel of a child she'd created, carried, birthed, and handed over to another woman to raise.

She bit the inside of her cheek, keeping her tears at bay. I swear, I'm going to do right by you, Son. No matter what I have to do. From now on, you're going to have the life you deserve.

XXXXXXXX

"Kitty," Matt shook her shoulder, "it's time t' get up. We're an hour behind schedule already."

"What time is it?" she mumbled, refusing to open her eyes.

"It's six o'clock," Matt groused as he folded his arms in front of his chest. "I wanted to be half-way to Spring Creek by now."

Kitty groggily sat up, rolling her head in a circular motion. "Where's Thad?"

"He's gettin' his hat," the big man grabbed her by the hands and hoisted her out of bed. "Then he and I are gonna make some sandwiches and go get our fishin' poles from my office. We'll put everything in the wagon bed and be back here in thirty minutes. Got it?" He leaned over, resting his hands on his thighs to meet her gaze.

She grinned, caressing his stubbly cheek, "Got it." She gladly accepted his first morning kiss, moaning into his mouth.

"I'm ready, Marshal," Thad bounded through the door, not at all embarrassed to find his mother and her beau locked in a passionate kiss.

Matt straightened to his full height, "Grab your coat, Son. You're gonna need it for a little while yet."

"Yes'sir!" He enthusiastically yanked it off the peg on the wall, glancing at Kitty over his shoulder, "Get ready, Mama. Marshal says the fish bite best early in the mornin'."

She approached him and began to button his coat. "Oh, he did, did he?"

"I can button this myself, ya know," he blinked as he spied her through his thick lashes.

"Of course, you can. I'm sorry." She took a step backward, folding her hands in front of her.

"See you soon," Matt lifted his eyebrows, smiling at his lady. "I mean it, Kitty. Be downstairs in a half hour."

"I'll be ready. Don't you worry, Marshal."

Dodge City had been awake for a while already. Mr. Jonas swept in front of his store as Matt escorted Thad down the boardwalk, his hand casually resting across the child's shoulders.

"Hiya, Mr. Jonas," Thad chirped, smiling from ear to ear.

"Mornin', Marshal…Thad." He nodded at each of them, his lips taut.

"Mr. Jonas," Matt firmly stated, noticing the somewhat disapproving tone of the shopkeeper.

As the duo approached the jail, they could hear Chester belting out his favorite tune, "Run rabbit run or the dogs'll git you, run rabbit run, you'd better get awaaaay."

"That's an awful silly song," Thad commented as they entered the jail.

"It sure is," Matt grinned. "Mornin', Chester."

"Mornin' Mr. Dillon," he greeted, suddenly preoccupied by his boss' miniature companion. He held the blue enamel coffee pot with one hand and a spoonful of grounds in the other as he stared with his mouth agape.

"Chester, this is Thad," Matt introduced, "Thad, this is Chester."

"Hello," Chester smiled, his eyes darting from the boy to the Marshal and back again.

"Hello," Thad offered his hand, "What's your last name, Sir?"

"Goode," the flustered man threw the grounds into the coffee pot before shaking the polite child's hand. "My name is Chester Goode."

"Nice t' meet you, Mr. Goode."

"You, too." Chester followed Matt to the corner near their cots, whispering, "Mr. Dillon, who is that boy?"

Matt grabbed the three fishing poles from against the wall, answering over his shoulder, "That's Thad."

Chester scratched his temple as Matt hurriedly passed him. "C'mon, Son, let's go. Oh, and Chester," he glimpsed at his assistant, "I'll be gone all day. I trust you can handle things."

"Yes, Sir, I sure can."

"Thanks."

The confused man couldn't even say, "You're welcome" or ask, "Where ya off to" before his boss led the unfamiliar boy out of the office and back onto the boardwalk.

XXXXXXXX

The big man and the small boy sat side by side on the bank of the creek, loosely holding their fishing poles. They stared at nothing in particular across the slow-moving water, the boy imitating the man next to him by also chewing on a long piece of straw.

"Marshal, can I ask ya somethin'?"

"Mmhmm."

"Do you love my mother?" he tilted his head to see Matt's face.

"I do," Matt twirled the straw in his mouth, watching his inquisitor out of the corner of his eye.

"Then how come you don't marry her? Miss Lucy said Mama's a fool to stay with ya." He slowly moved his fishing pole from side to side, causing small ripples in the water.

"Well, Son, ya see, it's a little complicated." Matt flicked his piece of straw into the creek. "I'm sure Miss Lucy is a very nice lady, but she doesn't know anything about your mother and me. I'm a U.S. Marshal, and that makes having a family kinda difficult."

Thad flicked his piece of straw into the water, whining, "So you're never gonna marry her? I know she loves you." After another period of silence, he whispered, "Then I guess I ain't never gonna have a pa and Mama will never have a husband. It'll just be her and me."

The fishing buddies sat quietly until Kitty called to them from under the shade of their big oak tree. She wanted to give her special fellas time alone, so she'd volunteered to collect fire wood and set up the picnic blanket.

"I'm gonna go collect some apples to make a pie later. I'm headin' to that grove, Matt," she pointed over her shoulder.

"Okay, Honey," he waved, only half listening as the blunt words of a child whirled through his brain.

"Marshal!" Thad shouted, "Your line is movin'! Look!"

Matt stood, eager to teach Kitty's son how to properly reel in a fish. "It sure is. Plant your pole in the ground, Son, and come here in fronta me."

Thad did as instructed, his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth as Matt placed his large, calloused hands over his.

"When I say pull, you're gonna jerk your arms back with mine as hard as you can. This is a big one. Ya ready?"

"Yes'sir!"

"Pull, now!"

Trying hard to impress his mother's beau, Thad yanked the wooden rod with all his might, stumbling as he did so. Matt lost his firm foothold when the boy bumped into him, causing both of them to tumble backward. Thad laid sprawled on top of Matt, scared he'd be in trouble. To his surprise, Matt laughed so hard, barely any sound escaped his lips.

"You okay, Marshal?" Thad panted, rolling off the big man.

"Woo," Matt chortled, "I guess I said jerk your arms back as hard as you can." He sat up, his knees bent, continuing to chuckle.

"Look!" the boy pointed, pressing his straw hat back on top of his unruly waves, "We got the fish!" He ran over to retrieve both the fish and the pole, which had been thrown a few feet behind them.

"Here ya go," Matt joined him, handing him a piece of line. "We're gonna string this big boy up and lay him in the water."

"To stay fresh. Mama taught me that."

XXXXXXXX

Matt carried a sleeping Thad up the back stairs to Kitty's rooms. He carefully placed him on top of his bed, followed by Kitty removing his boots.

The boy certainly enjoyed every minute in the fresh air, as did his mother. Kitty loved watching Thad and Matt fishing and skipping rocks across the creek. The words of Horace Kelker rang in her ears, You just want him to be a regular boy, don't you?

"He needs a bath," she whispered as she shut his door, "but I don't want to wake him. Oh, Matt," she gave him a peck on his cheek, "how can I thank you enough? He had the time of his life today. Fishing, shooting, playing…" She turned her back to him, crossing her arms in front of her chest, biting her bottom lip.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and breathed into her ear, "Did Thad's mother have fun today, too?"

"Uh huh," she nodded.

"Then why so sad?" he planted his chin upon her shoulder, splaying his big hands across her belly.

"I don't know," she spoke softly, shaking her head, "I guess the last two days have been so enjoyable, I hate to see them end."

He turned his lady in his arms, crooking his finger under her chin. "And why do you think this will end, Miss Kitty?" He grinned, his eyes sparkling as he gazed into her misty blue ones.

She gently pushed against his chest, fingering the middle button on his shirt, unable to look at him. "Because I'm a realist, Matt. You have to get back to marshaling and I have to get back to work downstairs. Playing house has been wonderful, but how long before you get a telegram, or you have to go to Hays to fetch a prisoner, or Topeka for a trial?"

They locked eyes and the silence became deafening. They held their breath, not moving for what seemed like an eternity.

TBC