Blue
Chapter Six
Lily had retired to bed a few hours ago, Buffy and Spike stayed up talking and catching up. Their trip down memory lane earlier in the night got them reminiscing about Sunnydale.
"Ah I miss that place" said Spike with a nostalgic smile on his face
"Yeah it wasn't all bad was it?" Buffy agreed
"No I guess we had some good times there... Like when I had the Gem of Amara and you staked me ahh the look on your face. Priceless" he chuckled
"Or the time that I dropped a pipe organ on you" Buffy smiled sweetly
"Hey! That bloody hurt!" He yelled
"It was supposed to!" She giggled
"There were better times though, remember our all singing all dancing fiasco"
Buffy cringed "oh yeah... Though I never knew William the Bloody was such a good singer" she smiled
"Yeah well there was a lot you didn't know about me"
Buffy fidgeted for a moment "What was your greatest memory in Sunnydale?" She asked
"Oh... Tough one pet. Okay there's two, first when I first arrived in Sunnyhell the first time I saw you, you were dancing to some god awful song, and I was studying you. You Miss Summers were gunna be my third slayer, even then maybe if I wasn't so obsessed with killing you I could've fallen for you then" he smiled
Buffy smiled "that's so sweet, in such a weird way" she giggled drunkenly "What's the second?" She asked
"The best night of my life" he smiled
"The house? When you held me all night? That's your greatest Sunnydale memory?" She asked
"Yeah... Love's bitch till the end pet" he smirked "So what about you?"
"God I don't know" she blushed
"C'mon slayer I told you mine" he encouraged her
"Okay... There's so many to choose from but the one that always sticks out for me is probably one of the last memories I have of Sunnydale" she took a big sip of her wine
"Don't leave me in suspense love" Spike joked
"The night before the battle" she smiled
"When we?"
Buffy took a deep breath "yeah"
Each of them took a sip from their glass and looked away awkwardly.
"What did they end up doing with Sunnydale?" asked Spike
"It was a giant sinkhole for years, now they're starting to rebuild…" Buffy shuddered
"On the Hellmouth?" he snorted
"Giles seems to think that you closed that particular Hellmouth for good" said Buffy "It should be safe now"
"Well that's something then" he smiled
"I told you I loved you" Buffy blurted out
Spike stiffened for a moment
"You didn't believe me, I mean how could you? Based on our previous relationship I wouldn't have believed me either" said Buffy standing up and pacing the room
"That's not fair it wasn't all you… I was just as much to blame if not more so" he told her "I did believe you though"
"You did?" She asked "Then why didn't you come with me?"
"Because I had to see it through Buffy, I couldn't be selfish… believe me it took everything I had not to follow you out of the Hellmouth" he told her. He stood up to comfort her, placing a hand on her shoulder
"I wish you had" said Buffy
"Me too" he said sadly
"Spike I need to tell you something..."
"Shhh" he said gently lifting her chin to meet his lips and kissed her sweetly
As the kiss ended Buffy was slightly breathless "Buffy..."
"Oh god Spike, I'm so sorry I can't do this" Buffy took off into the kitchen
Spike sighed "bloody hell" he cursed and followed her.
"Buffy" he said softly watching her pretend to clean dishes in the sink
Buffy stilled and turned to face him, she was visibly upset "Spike..."
"No luv, you don't have to say anything. It was really my fault, I should've known better" he sighed
"Oh god, no Spike it's not that I didn't want to. I really did it's just; I can't get into anything right now. I've got responsibilities now y'know? Lily comes first"
"I never said she shouldn't Buffy"
"I know, it's just there's some things you don't know and it's probably best if you don't" she cried "I just can't do this right now"
"Oh but you can shack up with Peaches for months at a time, but me? Forget about it?"
"What?"
"Lily told me that the Grand Poof himself stays here, last visit lasted a long time"
"We were trying… look it doesn't matter" said Buffy
"The hell it does! Buffy... I'm never gunna be good enough for you am I? Actually don't answer that I already know, say goodbye to Lily for me okay?" Said Spike backing away from her
"Spike, please stay" she pleaded
"For what?"
Buffy paused for a moment
"Tell you what slayer, I'll just get out of your life" said Spike walking out of the back door.
XXXXX
Buffy made her way downstairs. She had tried in vain to get some sleep, but there was no way she could. She was too worried about Spike.
Buffy had a million thoughts running through her head. She decided to make herself a cup of hot chocolate. She knew she wouldn't sleep but maybe it would relax her a little. Plus, her hangover was setting in already. She reached for a mug out of the cupboard when a quiet knock came at her front door.
She opened the front door to find one of the local Slayers, Mia, with Spike standing on her front porch.
"Sorry Buffy, I didn't mean to wake you but this bozo, says he's Spike. I need confirmation" said the young brunette
Buffy made sure that the new Slayers were well versed in their vampire history. She made it clear that under no circumstances would you believe a vampire who claimed to be either Angel or Spike and to always get confirmation first. She was actually surprised that Mia remembered; in training, she was a wild one, and she reminded Buffy of Faith in the early years, though not as evil.
"Uh yeah" said Buffy opening the door wider to let Spike in
"Sorry again Buffy, he put up a good fight though" smiled Mia
"Anything unusual tonight?" Asked Buffy
"No ma'am, I'll get the others to check in with you at first light" said Mia
"Thanks Mia, be careful okay?"
"See you tomorrow"
Buffy closed the door and looked at Spike and sighed slightly.
"Bird packs a punch, almost as good as you pet" said Spike wiping the blood from his lip
"Well I did train her, you're lucky to be alive Spike" said Buffy "c'mon I'm making hot chocolate" she said disappearing into the kitchen
XXXXX
Buffy poured the hot water into the mugs and stirred them "so wandered into the graveyard?" Asked Buffy
"Yeah, s'where I belong init?"
Buffy sighed placing the mug in front of him and sat down across from him "look Spike, there's a few things you need to know"
"Let me guess, this is the 'talk'. The one where you tell me you just wanna be mates?" He asked
"Can you let me finish?... My life is complicated right now"
"Hasn't it always been?" he snapped
"Yeah but this time its personal, I need to tell you a few things about Lily" she took a deep breath
"What is it love?" he asked genuinely concerned.
"She's not just a girl, well she's… she's just different... Twenty years ago, I'd just come out of the fight of my life, I lost my home. I lost my friends, I lost the person that I loved... And then I found out I was pregnant, I thought about abortion I really hate myself for thinking about it but I did and then I realised I couldn't because that baby was the one thing in the world I had left of the person I'd lost"
"Buffy, what are you saying?" He asked
Buffy's tears ran slowly down her face "through some miracle, we had a child. Lily is your daughter"
"What!" Asked Spike taken aback
"I know it's crazy, but Lily is a special girl. She's a prophesy, 'a child born of darkness and light will wield the most powerful weapon in the great battle'" said Buffy
"I'm sorry you might wanna repeat that, I've got a daughter?" stammered Spike
"I'm sorry I should've told you when you got here"
"You're damn right Buffy!" Spike stood up "I've had a daughter for twenty years and not even known about her! And if I hadn't of stumbled upon her a few nights ago I'd of never of known" he yelled
"And whose fault is that?" She asked "Maybe if you hadn't have been so pigheaded for the last twenty years and let me know you were alive you could have been a part of Lily's life!" Buffy yelled
"I'm sorry, I had no idea. If I did I would've come to you, you know I would've!" He said sadly "She's my daughter"
"She is, and in a weeks time she'll be twenty one… Giles and Willow have been researching the prophesy, trying to translate it. They found out this epic battle is supposed to go down when she's twenty one, and I can't do anything to stop it. She could die Spike and I'm powerless" she sobbed
"She's not going to die Buffy, we're gunna do everything we can to make sure of it okay?"
"Okay" Buffy sniffled
"Does she know?" Asked Spike
"She hasn't got a clue about you, she knows she's not a regular girl, she just doesn't know everything about the prophecy" said Buffy
"We'll get through this Buffy, I promise you" he pulled Buffy into his arms holding her tightly
Lily stood in the door way, she was in shock "So he's my dad?" She asked
Buffy pulled away from Spike and wiped her tears "Lily…"
"I knew" Lily's brow knit together in confusion "I knew when I met you, that there was something about you"
"I'm sorry Bit, I didn't have a clue" said Spike
Lily looked at her mother "Why didn't you just tell me?" She raised her voice "I get why you didn't when I was younger, a child conceived from darkness and light on the eve of a great apocalypse? A little too much for a kid but I'm almost twenty one, the age you had me! When were you going to tell me about him? About who I am?"
"I'm sorry" Buffy said softly
"Sorry? Did you really think that I wouldn't find out? I thought you would've learned your lesson with Aunt Dawn and all she went through but you haven't you've done exactly the same to me! I'm not a little girl anymore! I'm strong enough to handle this! Im just disappointed you couldn't tell me the truth" Lily stormed out slamming the door behind her.
"I'll go" said Spike
Spike felt for Buffy it couldn't be easy to be in her position but he also felt for Lily. His daughter, man it was weird him even thinking of the girl as his daughter. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd ever have a child, he knew of course it may be possible, what with Angel and Darla having Connor but damn it threw him for a loop for sure.
Spike went upstairs and knocked gently on Lily's bedroom door. She opened it and let him in
"Hi" said Lily sheepishly sitting on the bed.
"Hi" he replied
"So uh..." Lily babbled nervously
"It's alright" Spike smiled "It's weird for me too"
"Well I'm glad it's not just me" Lily joked
"I guess you have a lot of questions?" He asked
"No... yeah... I don't know"
Spike smiled, the girl in front of him reminded him so much of a young Buffy. Powerful but indecisive, full of questions yet not daring to ask. Then he caught a glimpse of himself, if there was one thing he remembered from being William it was what his eyes looked like. His mother fondly nicknamed him Mr Blue, referencing his icy blue eyes. Lily had them they were pretty much identical to his, he was quite proud that his genes were in there somewhere.
"It's okay Nibblet, I've got questions too. It's not everyday you gain a daughter"
"It's not everyday you find out that your father isn't really dead... or... this is a mess"
"I know" Spike tried to comfort her
"I just… why didn't you call my mom?" asked Lily
"I guess I'm a bit of a coward" said Spike
"Andrew told me about your history… the way he explained it was that you and my mom had a relationship that went bad. You got your soul and then just as it looked like you finally were in a good place you sacrificed yourself for her" said Lily
"I did…" he said sadly
"So I'm wondering… what changed? Do you not love her anymore?" She asked
Spike sat beside her "It's not that Nibblet… I caused your mum a lot of pain, and as much as I love her I didn't want to ruin what we had because it was special… but if I knew, if I had any knowledge at all that you existed, nothing would've kept me away"
"This is so messed up… I used to spend hours imagining what life would've been like if I had a dad or what it felt like to be a daddy's girl. Or god even just for somebody to say 'you look like your father'" she sighed
"I'm sorry I wasn't there, if I could go back in time I would" said Spike
Lily looked at him "So why don't we?"
"What?" He asked
"Why don't we just go back in time?" said Lily "Willow… we could call Aunt Willow"
"There'd be consequences Lily" said Spike
"Screw the consequences! If it meant having you in my life from the very beginning. I'd take whatever consequences there are!"
"I get you want to change things sweetheart, I do too. But we can't use magic to mess with things" said Spike
"I just want a dad" Lily cried
Spike grabbed her into a hug "I'm right here… I'm not going anywhere I promise" he whispered