"I cannot just reverse the decision to have Astra questioned, with her being my sister it would look… suspicious."
"And the other option is that you do reverse the decision, take a small hit to the public's perception of you and protect the future." Lena counters. "I understand that you have responsibilities and a way you do things but if you don't bend the rules and the scope of your sight for this, there will be irreparable damage so severe that you couldn't even comprehend it."
Alura sighs. She understands what Lena wants her to do and why but she needs her to do certain things but it is out of her control. There are decisions she's made that just can't be reversed. "I understand that, however, Astra has already been handed over for questioning and by now, she will have already indulged information that will put her in the danger you are hoping for her to avoid. It's too late, I can't do anything about it now."
Lena lets out an annoyed breath. "Right, ok."
Movement out of the corner of their eyes has them both turning their heads to look at the figure entering the room. Kara wanders in, a little apprehensive and looking slightly pale. "Hey." Lena greets her softly. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," Kara answers. "I'm just going to grab something to drink and then I'll come and join you guys."
"Let me." Alura practically leaps off the couch. She's in need of a break from the conversation with Lena and she's more than happy to have this excuse. "Lena, would you like one too?"
"Sure, thank you." Lena answers, barely listening because she's still worried about Kara. She wasn't doing too hot earlier and she still doesn't look great.
Alura leaves and Kara takes her spot. "What were you talking about?"
"I was trying to convince her to let Astra go without questioning her. It's too late though, the damage has been done."
Kara nods slowly. "I had feared it would be. I guess we just have to work with what we've got now though. First, tell me what you're feeling."
Lena frowns. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that we've gone far too long with me not checking in on you and I think that needs to change so, hit me with it. My mom is hiding in there to go and get the drinks because you can be really intimidating when you want to be, so, what are you feeling?"
She's got so many emotions running through her mind and all of them have been there for so long that she's kind of just learned how to deal with them coexisting but at the same time, voicing those emotions and her feelings feels like a task too large for her to do, especially out of nowhere.
Instead, she just shakes her head. "I appreciate you asking but I think I need time to process and think."
"Well, why don't we talk it out then? Maybe that will help you process." Kara pushes, her hand falling to softly sit on Lena's shoulder.
Lena really does appreciate the gesture but it's too much too fast. "Kara, can we just put it on the back burner? I really am thankful you're asking but I need more time to think about it all, to untangle my thoughts. We can talk about it all later, ok?"
Kara's face drops from open and concerned to disappointed and rejected. Lena gets it, she really does. Kara wants to be there for her in the same way she's been there for Kara but she can't go from having no emotional support in this way to suddenly having it all, it's too big of a jump and it's all way too sudden, she can't just force it now for Kara's sake, even if it does leave her disappointed.
"I promise, we'll talk later. It's not a no, it's a not now." Lena covers the hand on her shoulder with her own, squeezing it softly. "Ok?"
"Ok." Kara agrees, masking the sadness on her face with a smile that if Lena didn't know her so well, would fool her.
For Kara, she knows she's been neglectful of Lena's emotions, her own trauma and emotional well-being have been prioritized at the expense of Lena's to the point where she barely even thought of it and now that she's aware, she just wants to smother Lena with love and care and all of the things she's been deprived of.
She can see Lena's trying and she can see that she's coming on too strong but she doesn't know how to do it delicately, too afraid that if she takes on the task passively then Lena's mental health will fall through the cracks again or it will seem like she doesn't care or both.
It's only when she sees the desperation in Lena's eyes that she can see that she's pushing too hard, that her love and care for Lena is too much and rather than feeling like what it is, it's becoming something else, it's becoming more of an issue for Lena, a pressure on top of everything else she's dealing with, the things she's been dealing with alone.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to come on too strong."
"Don't worry about it." Lena squeezes her hand again and leans over to peck her cheek.
Kara does worry about it and while she leans into the kiss, she can't help but feel like a fraud because here Lena is making her feel better again while all she's done is make Lena feel worse.
Alura comes wandering back in, her walk slow, probably because she's not looking forward to jumping back into the conversation they were just having. In her arms is a tray with a few glasses and a pitcher of some kind of drink, it's got a tinge of green to it so Lena suspects that it's some kind of fruit juice.
Kara smiles at the sight of it. One that's genuine but Lena sees that it doesn't meet her eyes. "Oh, you'll love this Lena."
Alura sets the tray on the side table beside the couch and Kara takes the initiative to pour the drinks, handing the first one over to Lena with a flourish because she's so excited to see Lena take a sip. "I always loved this as a kid, it's all fruit juice but it's super sweet and just all around, really good."
She hands Alura one next and then takes one for herself, immediately bringing it up to her lips and taking several big gulps. "Oh Rao, it's so good."
Lena watches Kara closely, her heart warmed by the excitement in the way she's guzzling her drink and the way that even though she's excited to drink it, she still took the time to make sure that Lena got the first glass.
Once Kara's glass is empty, her focus quickly turns from the wonderous taste in her mouth to the woman beside her who has yet to so much as take a sip. Her eyes look between her and the glass excitedly, urging her to try it as she practically buzzes in her seat.
Lena isn't really sure she likes being such a spectacle and momentarily worries that she won't like it and it will just disappoint Kara further but upon taking a tiny sip, she realizes that it's actually really nice. Maybe not her favourite but still really good. It's got a sweet kind of tanginess to it that makes her lick her lips before taking another sip, a bigger one this time.
She looks up at Kara afterwards. "This is really good. What is it?"
"This is twellian juice. Twellians are fruits much like peaches, they're soft and grow on trees." Kara explains, the smile on her face growing more and more with every sip Lena takes, thrilled that she's getting to experience something from Kara's childhood, that she can see a little glimpse of who she was before she came to Earth. The person that she was, the one that she feels that these days, she can hardly remember but with each day she's been back on Krypton, it comes back to her little by little.
Alura has taken a seat on one of the chairs rather than squeezing onto the couch with the pair of them, distancing herself. Protecting herself. She's taken a small drink from her glass but has otherwise set it aside. "Ok, now that we're here, shall we continue?"
Lena nods, handing Kara her now empty glass so she can set it back on the tray. "Sounds like a plan to me. What's next on the agenda to be discussed?"
Alura's hands clasp together on her lap. "I think it's best you decide that, what can I do to help you?"
Kara and Lena share a look, one where they are both trying to figure out what the best course of action is, whether or not they just come out and say what they need and trust that Alura actually does want to help of ==r whether or not they play coy with it and hold their cards close to their chest.
"We need to get into Kandor and be able to get to—"
"Your father's lab. Yes, you mentioned. What exactly do you need? I can go and get what you need for you, it's much too dangerous for not only you but also the entire city for you to be wandering around doing Rao knows what."
Kara scoffs. "What do you think we're going to be doing? We're not here for tourist season, we're here to try and stop catastrophic damage occurring to our planet in the future. We just need to get to the lab, get the blueprints to one specific piece of technology and then once we've got that, we can be on our merry way and out of your hair. We just need to go into Kandor to get it."
Alura rests her chin on a closed fist, her eyes fluttering closed while she thinks. Kara has seen her mother do this particular pose before, it's one that she would often see her in whenever her mom would come home from council meetings, one where she's going over every option she can think of in her head and thoroughly assessing the situation and that makes Kara nervous.
She's nervous because she knows that whatever decision her mom makes now, she's going to stand by it and that's not something they will be able to skirt around easily.
Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Lena's fingers drumming against her knee, a physical manifestation of her worry and unease. She tenderly covers Lena's hand, slipping her fingers between Lena's and letting the pressure calm her nerves.
For a brief moment, she's afraid of being rebuffed, that she's overstepping and Lena doesn't want her to try and comfort her but when Lena turns her hand over so they're holding hands properly and pulls Kara's hand closer to her so their joined hands are resting against her stomach, it feels like a weight has been shifted off her shoulders.
It's an awkward few minutes of Kara and Lena leaning into each other, their hands sweating and their knees bouncing while Alura barely moves all the while. Lena's half convinced that she has fallen asleep and is about to whisper to Kara and suggest they head back to their room when she raises her head and leans back into her chair.
There's a faint red mark left on the underside of her jaw from the pressure of her hand on her face but neither of them dare to mention it because while it is objectively funny, neither of them are ashamed to say that Alura is quite intimidating.
"I will take you to Kandor and then return you here once the trip is completed. You may stay here for another day or so afterwards but after that, you will be expected to leave the planet in whatever way you arrived. I cannot in good faith house you for longer than that. I will be watching you at the lab too. With the impending trouble with the planet's instability, we have scientists working around the clock to try and solve the issue. Zor-El works alone for a portion of the day, I will be able to distract him long enough for you to retrieve what you need but I will need to know what it is because I will not allow you to take technology that is or could be made into a weapon. That's a line I will not cross, even for my own daughter."
Kara needs no time to think it over and clearly, Lena doesn't either because she beats her to the punch. "We accept those conditions. We are not after weapons or anything of the sort, in fact, quite the opposite. We are looking for something to shut down a weapon, one that is very powerful and needs a very powerful off switch, one that we can only find here."
"Excellent, Kara and I will head into Kandor later on today. You stay here with the rest of your group and we will be back a few hours after that with the schematics you require." Alura nods her head once as if to motion that it is set in stone and then goes to stand, only pausing when Lena's voice rings out.
"Wait! That's not the deal. I need to come too, we're not leaving anyone behind, we need to stay together, we can't split up now."
Alura doesn't let her argue for long. "Krypton is not as accepting as it used to be towards alien species and Kandor is the capital city, Kara and I can move through the crowds unnoticed, you cannot, you are too foreign and you don't have the knowledge of our culture enough to blend in."
Lena wants to rebuke that fact but the truth is that she doesn't really know enough about the culture within a Kryptonian city to get by. She can speak Kryptonese pretty well at this point but she doesn't know all of the customs and the fashion and the mannerisms that come with that environment and Kara does so it makes sense for her to go and get the blueprints. It'll be much faster for her to go alone with her mom but Lena is having a hard time trusting the woman. There's something not quite right about her, something she can't place her finger on but can see lingering just below the surface.
It's an odd juxtaposition to the way she can see Alura looking at Kara though because while there is a strangeness to it, a hardness in her eyes as she tries to separate the daughter she knows, the twelve-year-old girl, from the woman in front of her, there's still that motherly love there, that maternal instinct that she is possessed by because whether she likes it or not, she knows that this is her daughter and she has to deal with what that means and the feelings that come along with that.
Lena's just not sure that the motherly instincts will come through should Kara need them to, she's not sure as though Alura will be able to help her because while she is very much her daughter, for Alura, this Kara is secondary to the young Kara and she will do whatever it takes to keep her Kara safe.
"You'll be careful?" Lena leans into Kara's side.
"Yeah, I promise. I'll take my notebook so I know which schematics I need and once I have them, we can come right back and plan our exit out of here. We could be on our way home this time tomorrow if all goes as planned."
Alura stands, her posture immaculate and her shoulders set in a way that makes her look strong, regal even. "That sounds wonderful to me. I think it's best we get you on your way as soon as possible."
Kara doesn't like that her mother is suddenly taking on this more professional demeanour, it's as if she's suddenly switched into her council member mode and is more focused on getting them gone so she can go back to doing nothing about the impending doom of the planet. It's worrying considering she holds the key to a lot of the security of the future, particularly with the decisions she's going to make soon enough.
"I will fetch you some clothes, Kara. Why don't you and your group have something to eat and then once you are ready, you can come and fetch me? I will be working in the office down the hall from your rooms. Oh, and maybe go and check on the H'Rakas too before we go."
"That sounds good." Kara follows her mom down towards the room where the others are staying, her hand still clasped with Lena's. She knocks and lets herself in while Alura continues up the hall to where she has been staying to go and get Kara something to wear since her clothes are most definitely not those befitting of a Kryptonian, let alone a Kryptonian from a noble family.
All of the others are huddled on the bed and sat in a poorly shaped circle while they are playing some kind of card game. Kara waves to them as she enters and Lena follows suit, sliding the door closed after them and perching on the tiny space left on the bed after Kara does the same.
"Hey, how are you guys doing?" Lena asks, watching the card game over Nia's shoulder.
"Good," Kelly answers for the group. "We got to have hot showers so we're absolutely wonderful. Any updates on what's going on?"
"Yes, actually." Kara's lips pull into a small smile. "My mom and I are going to head into Kandor later on today and we're going to go to my father's lab so that I can get the schematics for the machine we need. In the meantime though, shall we go and eat because I'm starving?"
Esme dumps her cards on the bed in front of her and bounces to her feet and then into Kara's arms. "Yes! I'm hungry too!" She wraps her arms around Kara's neck as she wiggles in Kara's embrace.
Kara lifts her up as she stands, prompting Esme to wrap her legs around her waist. She makes eye contact with Lena through the wild mess of Esme's hair, which is tickling her nose, and reaches out a hand to her so she can hold her hand again since she had to let go to catch Esme but she's got a good enough grip on her now that she feels pretty secure about holding her with one arm.
"Come on then, guys. Let's go and eat and then afterwards we can check on Bolt and Swoopy."
Alex stumbles to her feet and helps Kelly up but as she passes Nia and holds out a hand as if to help her, she waits for Nia to try and take it before swiping it away before she can grab hold of it and then pushes her back so she falls on the bed with a grunt, chuckling to herself at the indignant noise she's just drawn out of the woman.
"Yes, please feed me and then you can tell me all about your plans for Kandor which you have neglected to include us in." Alex barges past Lena too but presses a sweet kiss to the top of Esme's head as she passes them so she can lead the way to the kitchen, her stomach rumbling all the while.
Kara finds a dress waiting for her on the bed when she goes to get ready to head out. They have eaten, checked on the H'Rakas and filled the rest of the group in on the plans and while they too are unhappy with the fact that Kara is going alone into Kandor with Alura, they also know that they can't get away with going with her either because they just don't have the knowledge to do so.
Once everyone was up to date and all cheery from the knowledge that the mission is nearing the end and that they will be back on the ship home soon enough, Nia being especially happy about that because it means she will get to see Brainy for the first time in weeks, she headed out to get ready.
Picking the dress up, Kara holds it against her body and looks down at it, closing her eyes for a brief moment because it's been so long since she's worn anything like it. She was just a child the last time she wore the clothes of her people.
"You'll look beautiful in that, my daughter." Alura's voice makes her jump and with it, a tear forces its way free and runs down her cheek. She's quick to wipe it away but not quick enough. "Why are you crying?"
Alura moves towards her, her hand pressing against Kara's cheek. Kara just shakes her head. "It doesn't matter. I'll go and get changed." She points to the bathroom and goes to move but Alura holds her steady by her bicep.
"Lena told me that you have lost everything. Is this part of that?" She grips the edge of the dress between two fingers, lifts it up and then lets it delicately sail back into place. "You lost our culture too?"
Kara can't look her mother in the eye. When she was put in her pod it was with the task of looking after Kal and preserving their culture and their customs through teaching him and raising him with the knowledge she had, limited as it may be since she was still young herself. She failed. "Everything."
Alura swallows audibly and picks Kara's chin up from where her head has tilted down towards the floor. "Well then, get dressed and then I'll do your hair, let's see if we can give you back a little of what you lost."
Kara finds herself being pushed into the bathroom and she's given barely a minute to get changed before Alura is letting herself in and attacking her hair with a hairbrush, styling it in several small braids that wrap around her head in a way that she used to do a lot when she was a child. The braids pull her hair out of her face but still leave a good portion of it down to flow around her shoulders.
"Do you remember what the best thing about Kandor is?" Alura asks suddenly, tying off the last braid.
Kara shakes her head, watching her mom through the mirror.
"The best thing about Kandor is the fact that you can dress up as fancy as you like and nobody bats an eye because it's the most densely populated city on the planet and there are so many social classes living there that you can afford to dress up a little and still go completely unnoticed." Alura pats her on the shoulders. "Stay here, I'll be right back."
Kara does as she's told but she would anyway because she can't take her eyes off of her reflection. The dress and the hair, it's strange. She knows that it's her reflection but it doesn't look like her. It's like she's looking into a portal showing an alternate timeline, one that she daren't dream of – one where she never went to Earth, one where Krypton lives on, one where she got to fulfil her purpose on her own planet. This is the true Kara Zor-el. This is the Kara that she has spent years searching for on earth so she can be her true, authentic self and it's only now as she sees herself that she knows she'll never be that girl. That girl is dead.
Alura flounces back in with a smile and wearing a different dress. The one she was wearing earlier was much more conservative but she's changed now so she's wearing a dress similar to the one she's given Kara to wear. Kara's is striking blue whilst Alura's is a darker midnight blue. Both are flowy and light with their family crest delicately embroidered into them on the chests, much smaller than the one Kara wears on her Supergirl suit though.
Alura turns her around to face her. "Let me do your make-up."
Kara stays perfectly still and lets her mom do her make-up, her eyes closed and just committing this to memory, the feeling of the brushes against her skin and the smell of her mother's perfume. It's what she imagines would have happened if she had been accepted into the science guild and this would have been her mother helping her dress nicely for her acceptance ceremony. She can almost remember it, a memory that was never to be.
When she opens her eyes and sees her reflection, she gasps. She looks beautiful, the epitome of Kryptonian beauty. It brings a tear to her eye and Alura is quick to cup her cheek. "No crying, you'll ruin your make-up."
Kara's lids are painted blue to match her dress and there are delicate gold lines painted across them too as well as a thin line outlining the bottom of her brows, a custom she had forgotten until she sees it on her own face.
There are two more lines down either side of her nose and then a single horizontal line across the apples of each cheek. It makes her shake her head. "I had forgotten…" She trails off, the lump in her throat not letting her get any more words out.
"And now you remember." Alura grabs a small tin and dips her finger in the light pink gloss inside before gently running it over Kara's lips – the finishing touch.
Kara moves to the side and watches as her mother does the same make-up on herself, all the while trying to resist looking at herself because she could stare all day at the person she so wishes she had a chance to become.
Once they are both ready and Kara has her notebook in hand, they head out of the room, ready to head out. They step into the living room and in an instant, every eye is on Kara specifically, her family seeing her for the alien she is in a way that she has never shown them before.
"We're going to head out," Kara announces.
Lena stands before she's even realized what she's done and she walks towards her, her hand raising as if to cup her cheek but then falling, too afraid of messing up the hard work thereby smudging any of the make-up.
"You look beautiful."
The earnestness of the statement takes Kara's breath away but she manages to whisper out a reply. "Thank you."
"Are you ready, Kara?" Alura asks.
Kara nods before turning back to Lena. "Will you be alright?"
"Of course."
"Can we talk about earlier when I get back?" She keeps her voice low so the others don't hear.
Lena smiles, a genuine one that is born of seeing that Kara is making a genuine effort, one where she's aware that Kara is thinking of her and taking her feelings into account. Of course, this is just the first step but as far as first steps go, she's not doing too bad. She might have fumbled earlier but she'll figure it out and Lena will be here when she does.
"Yeah, just come back safe, ok?"
"I will, I promise."
Lena presses a gentle kiss to her lips, some of the gloss getting onto her own lips in the process. Kara cleans it up from where it is smudged with a thumb. "I love you."
"I love you too," Lena replies, stepping back so Kara can leave but grabs her hand as she passes her which prompts her to look back. "I meant it, Kara, you look beautiful."
She lets her go and they both move away with matching smiles, the group pretending not to watch their intimate moment but their admiration for the pair evident on their faces.