Trailing off when Kayla didn't respond and looked down and away, Stephanie reached over and rested her hand on top of hers.
"You gonna make me play the guilt card? No secrets-"
"No," Kayla said sharply. "I'm not," she sighed, shaking her head. "I just wish this one had stayed at the bottom of that box."
At the clipped tone in Kayla's voice and the way her hand hadn't quit trembling under hers, Stephanie frowned, taking a beat as she tried to figure out the best way to play this. Get to the bottom of what was going on without scaring Kayla off, even though the uncharacteristically jumpy way her mother had been acting made her wonder if that was even possible.
"Mom, c'mon. It's just me, alright? Remember when I came back to Salem after Papa had turned up alive. We were at the pub, and you decided I was old enough to hear the truth from you. You told me what really happened with you and him in Ohio."
"I remember," Kayla said. "It feels like a lifetime ago."
"I know, I may as well have been a different person," Stephanie shrugged.
"Things changed that day with us, though. You finally let your guard down and really talked with me. Not just about what happened in Cincinnati but what it was like right after you thought Papa died," she said as Kayla wiped a tear away with her free hand.
"You told me you were a wreck back then and that I was too young to understand. There were things I understood though, Mom. Even when I was a little kid. It's not as if I had no idea that you and Uncl-"
"You don't know everything, Stephanie," Kayla interrupted.
Nodding, but knowing this was her best and likely only opportunity to try and get to know more, Stephanie shifted on the couch so she was facing Kayla, who, to her frustration and concern, was still avoiding her eyes and avoiding looking at her.
"Well, I know this much. Everything that went on between you and Uncle Shane, may not have been all good, but it couldn't have been all bad, either. If it had been, I'd have no memory of us ever living at the manor. I wouldn't have that music box that you told me I had to keep safe on top of my dresser," she said as Kayla shook her head and softly smiled.
"Some nights, that was the only thing that would get you to go to sleep," she recalled, letting out a breath before looking her daughter in the eye.
"He adored you, you know. Obviously, he still does, but back then, I swear, baby. You were a bright spot in so much dark. Taking care of you was just about the only thing that kept me going, but I know for a time that Shane felt the same way. He was in a bad place, too. The lives we thought we'd built for ourselves, the futures that we'd planned were blown apart. But we knew we couldn't stay broken. I couldn't. I had to be strong for you like I promised your dad I would be. I had to be there for you and somehow, in that, I let Shane in to be there for the both of us," Kayla admitted, swallowing hard before speaking again.
"Like you said, it wasn't all bad. I can't look back on what he and I shared and say that. But, even decades later thinking back on that time…I just-"
"I don't know what's in that letter, Mom," Stephanie assured, sitting back slightly on the couch. "I swear, I didn't read it, and I won't. And I won't push for you to tell me anything about any of this if you can't or don't want to or…"
"Baby, I-"
"No secrets doesn't mean I need you to be an open book, Mom," Stephanie cut in. "You can tell me whatever you want to, but leave out what you want to, too. I'm not trying to pressure you. It's just seeing the look on your face when you saw the envelope and how your hand was... I just-"
"Shh, shh, shh. Baby, take a breath, alright?" Kayla said, waiting for her to do as asked before speaking again.
"First, I don't want you worrying about the hand thing. My preliminary diagnosis..."
Reaching for her right wrist with her left hand, Kayla extended her fingers, flexing her wrist.
"Excess of adrenaline and caffeine, husband on a risky overseas assignment to find a presumed dead relative and friend, an overly anxious daughter, a giant box of stuff to sift through taking up my entire coffee table."
"Mom, I'm serious. After all that you've-"
"I know," Kayla sighed. "But Stephanie, think about it. Would the doctor who I got a full physical from in Greece have let me leave the hospital or jump on a flight if anything was seriously wrong?"
"No. Probably not. I just...can you blame me for being-"
"No. I can't. And I love you for it."
Shifting closer, she slipped an arm around Stephanie, who smiled, curling up on her shoulder.
"I promise. If it keeps up, I'll see an orthopedic, but I'm positive that it's nothing to worry about, And it's the last thing I want you worrying about."
"Well, I just got you unfired, and as far as I know, your line of work requires two fully functioning hands. My professional reputation is on the line here," Stephanie smirked as Kayla rolled her eyes.
"Your reputation is safe, I promise. And as far as, what else on your mind."
Taking her readers off and setting them aside, along with the envelopes on her lap, Kayla shifted on the sofa to face her daughter.
"Honestly. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. Twenty questions. Go."
"I'm sorry. What?" Stephanie asked.
"You heard me. You get to ask me twenty questions and I have to answer them honestly."
"What if something I ask is something you don't want to answer?"
"I didn't say they had to be twenty super fun and easy-to-answer questions," Kayla said as Stephanie rolled her eyes.
"We're both adults, Stephanie. I'm fine being honest with you because I know you'll be respectful of me."
"Still, I don't want to cross-"
"Okay, okay. If there's something you ask that I can't or don't want to answer, I can pass on the question."
"Fine. You get three passes."
"Two."
"Mom..."
"I don't even think I'm going to need one!"
"Just humor me, okay?"
"Fine. Three," Kayla relented, pulling a throw pillow onto her lap and leaning back against the arm of the couch.
"Go ahead," she said as Stephanie bit her lip, taking a beat before speaking again.
"Did we move into the manor because you and Uncle Shane got together?"
"No. We moved in because there was a threat after we thought your dad had died. Shane found out and offered that we stay at the manor for protection. It wasn't what I had in mind for either of us, but I agreed to it to keep you safe," Kayla answered, not going into full detail about the threat happening on her front porch the same day as Steve's funeral and how setting foot in their house for the first time without him had somehow been more painful than the funeral itself.
"Did it take a while for you to figure out that he had feelings for you?"
"A little while. There were signs. Ones that I was too angry to even notice at first, but then it all kind of snuck up on me. Faster than I would've thought."
"When we moved to L.A., did you want him to come with us?" Stephanie asked as Kayla shook her head.
"Honestly, as scary as it was leaving Salem, I was ready for a fresh start with you. Shane was the one who broke things off, but deep down I knew what we'd had together had run its course. He had to focus on his recovery and on being able to walk again. And I had to focus on my baby girl. On building a new life for the two of us."
"How long was it before you and Aunt Kim were in a good place with each other? I...I remember when I was little, I'd be at her house after school when you were on call, but I always had to come out and meet you at the Bluesmobile for pick-ups. You never wanted to come inside."
"I wanted to, but those first few years we were out there, it sounds silly but...I didn't feel like I could. Kim agreed to look after you after I got into med school, and without that support, I'd probably still be a nurse," Kayla said with a shrug.
"It didn't feel right pushing for much more with her so soon after everything had..."
Trailing off but knowing she still owed an answer, she took a beat before speaking again.
"It took a long time, Stephanie. Now her and I are fine. But for a while, I wasn't sure we ever fully would be."
Seeing the pain etched on Kayla's face, Stephanie was tempted to stop the game altogether but knew that her mother still had three passes and that whole stubborn streak thing, too. Keeping that in mind, she decided to go for broke.
"Did you and Uncle Shane love each other?"
"I can't say there wasn't love between us," Kayla answered after a beat before reaching over and squeezing Stephanie's hand. "I can say, though, the love between me and your dad is the only kind I've ever wanted you to have."
"Does Papa know you and Uncle Shane were together?" she asked, only to see the answer written all over her mother's face.
—
"Yeah. We didn't exactly get to twenty," Kayla sighed, shaking her head.
"I was willing to, but I could tell Stephanie finding all this out, only to find out her dad has no idea. Even saying that out loud is just..."
Cringing, she ran a hand over her face, bowing her head as she did so.
"She didn't get angry. I don't know if that made things better or worse. She just kept saying it was my secret to tell, whenever and in whatever way I wanted to. Right now, though, I really wish that I could just leave it here with you. Not that you'd let me get away with it if I tried," she groaned.
Wiping at her eyes, she sat straight and focused on the letter on her lap.
"I got to read your letter, Mom. Only seems fair you get to hear mine. I...assuming that whatever the contents of it are, aren't...I...you know what, no. I...I'm sure it's fine."
Picking it up, she let out a slow breath, making sure her hand wasn't trembling before she started skimming the text, slowly realizing reading it aloud was acceptable, even factoring in the setting and the audience.
12 Feb 1994
Dear Kayla,
I hope by the time this envelope arrives, the enclosed card for Stephanie will be able to be given to her on 19 February and not come off as a boorish, belated afterthought. I know British and Brady etiquette demands the best for birthday celebrations, and I'd hate to fall short, especially in the eyes of the girl we both care for so much. Stephanie may only be turning four, but she is perceptive, and I'd very much like for her to know on her special day that I wish her, and her mother, every happiness.
Three years to that day, you and I took a chance at finding some happiness together, Kay. Despite the fact that I'm writing you from the country house study to what I hope is the correct address for you in California, I do believe that in our time together, we not only found some happiness but managed to grab onto it.
I can't help but wonder if circumstances had been different, that if I'd worked to hold on to all we had shared rather than push it and you away, there would be a chance now that the two of us would be-
"Hey there, sis," Roman greeted, only to frown when Kayla all but jumped out of her skin, wondering what had her so distracted she hadn't even heard him approach the bench.
"Oh, God fucking damn it all,Roman!" Kate hissed, slumping further back into the brick garden wall she'd been leaning against, undetected, for the past five minutes. Rolling her eyes, she took another swig from her flask.
"It was just getting to the good part."