19 September 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Roland's attitude toward me has changed significantly since our adventure with the Rabbids. And I guess my attitude toward him has changed as well. I still hate how he acted—but I don't hate him anymore. When we got sucked into that portal, we were the other man's only sense of familiarity. He needed me, and I needed him.
The Butters' therapist had suggested that they bring me to one of their sessions, and they did. Their marriage counselor was a patient, middle-aged woman with a slightly cherubic face, and she was genuinely determined to get Roland and Grace's relationship back on track—not just in this business for the money. She devoted this particular therapy session to shining a spotlight on how Roland and I interacted with each other, since it was the root of the problem. First, she invited me to tell my side of the story, which I did, unfiltered and unbiased—I got a little emotional as I talked about what I'd endured by Roland's hand. After I was finished, Roland was encouraged to air his side, which still made little sense to me. Finally, the therapist had Grace talk to both of us, where she clearly distinguished the differences in her relationship with me versus her relationship with Roland.
I was very glad I went to that session, as Roland finally got to look me in the eye and admit his wrongdoing. The two of us also had the chance to understand each other more. We'd broken the ice during our encounter with the Rabbids, but that therapy session completely shattered the animosity between us. However, things would never completely go back to the way they once were.
Today, Roland called me in a jovial mood and told me that he and Grace were taking a little vacation, on their counselor's advice. They didn't know their destination yet; Roland would spin a globe, and wherever Grace's finger landed, they'd go. This vacation was expected to last two or three months, tops. I wished them both well before hanging up and continuing my day.
It's still very quiet on the Koopa front. Too quiet. Mario is dividing his time between here and the MK to keep watch. I wanted to be on the lookout with him, but Mario just smiled at me and assured me he'd be fine. He just doesn't learn, does he? But I swallowed the feelings threatening to swell and released them via my bouts.
People are still talking about my fight with the black swarm—which now had a name—Master Core. We all thought that we'd completely destroyed Tabuu, but we were wrong. Master Hand discovered, and revealed to us, that the black, shadowy swarm was a final "[bleep] you" from the Ruler of Subspace. After that final battle, Tabuu had used the last of his strength to transfer his conscience into this Master Core. For years, Master Core had roamed the Smash World, waiting for a chance to strike and avenge its creator. And when Smash 4 commenced, it had made its way into the Smash Mansion and hid. Since Mario and I had landed the finishing strike on Tabuu, it made sense that Master Core would target us directly—and I was the first person it saw. Mario could've helped me, and the same could be said for Fox, Link and Kirby—but I couldn't risk them getting hurt. Had I not decided to barricade myself in that room with Master Core, then Tabuu would've posthumously gotten his bloody revenge. Despite myself, my mind races just thinking about it.
Phew—Tabuu was craftier and more dangerous than we thought! Who could possibly be worse than him?
Luigi
27 September 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
At 5:30 this morning, my phone sang me awake. I rolled over in my bed, picked it up and answered it quickly when I saw that it was Mario. He'd recently started spending the night in the MK, in anticipation of a nocturnal assault.
"Hey," I said, a little drowsily.
"Luigi!" Mario sounded excited. "He's finally done it! Koopa's attacking the castle, and he just grabbed Peach!"
"Is everyone all right?" I asked. "Agnes and Oliver, the gym…"
"Koopa left them untouched," said Mario. "He's focusing his energies on Peach. His airship—it was decorated."
"Lots of people decorate their airships," I said.
"No, you don't understand—it was decorated for a wedding!" shouted Mario. "Koopa wants to marry her!"
"Okay, Bro—stay where you are. I'm heading over," I said.
"Luigi, there's no time! I gotta stop this myself!"
"But…" I started.
"No buts, Luigi! This is something I have to do alone," Mario broke in. "In the meantime, you need to look after the Toads in case of another attack. And what if I don't make it back this time?"
That was always a risk when it came to these adventures, but wouldn't my presence avoid that risk altogether? Yes, the MK still needed someone to protect it in case a threat proved too much for Mario, but still—
"Luigi…" sighed Mario. "All your life, you've tried to help me. You've put my well-being before your own. But I gotta do the same for you. Koopa's not playing around this time."
There was a crash on the other end of the line.
"Go get him!" I said. "Hurry!"
"All right. See you when I get back," said Mario.
"See ya," I said.
Then, I hung up and pounced on my pillow, punching it in frustration. Mario's about to go on what is shaping up to be an epic odyssey, while I'm left alone. Gah! It's still so unfair!
While I was eating my angst, a Toad walked up to me with a slip of paper. "It's for you," he said solemnly, pressing it into my palm.
I opened the slip of paper and read it aloud. "'Be advised; a Koopa attack is considered imminent'." I shrugged. "Well, they're only thirty minutes late."
After breakfast, I brought MH up to speed on the situation.
"So—Koopa wants to marry Peach," he said. "A political liaison—or something more?"
"I don't think he wants to wed her for politics—he's doing this for what he calls 'love'," I said. "But that's not love."
"Mario's out there, on his own, trying to stop this marriage?" asked MH.
"I wanted to come with him, but he wouldn't have any of it," I said.
"God help the two of them," said MH. "Tell Mario to keep me updated, and I'll help in any way I can."
"Thank you, Master Hand," I said.
Then, I strode back to my room, put in a CD and warmed up my muscles with a little dancing until the day's matches begun.
By 2 in the afternoon, I'd burned off the worst of my raw feelings regarding this mess. I was still upset at Mario, as always when he left me out of the loop, but I wasn't screaming internally anymore. Presently, I was mounted on my spin bike, pedaling in time to the music on my stereo, my mind comfortably blank.
When my muscles finally had enough, I dismounted, wiped down the bike and took a shower. I was lounging in bed, watching TV, when my phone rang.
I answered with a curt "Yeah?"
"Hey, Luigi," said Grace. "Sorry to bother you, but—it's Mario. We—found him."
My heart jumped into my throat. "Where are you?"
"Roland and I are vacationing in the Cap Kingdom," Grace explained. "He told you about our trip to work on our marriage, remember? When he spun the globe, my finger landed smack-dab on the Cap Kingdom. Right now, we're in Bonneton. And that's where we found Mario."
"How is he?" I asked.
"When we came across him, he was sprawled on the ground, barely conscious," sighed Grace. "Koopa beat him up pretty badly. We rushed to his side, and Roland was about to call the paramedics when one of the locals floated down to us. He was holding Mario's cap—it was shredded beyond repair."
I bit back a sob.
"This local was a ghost-like creature wearing a top hat, and he had these big googly eyes," Grace went on. "He was pretty startled when Mario woke up. Roland and I tried to convince him to go to the hospital, but—you know how stubborn he is, right?"
"Yeah," I said.
"He told us that Koopa had grabbed Peach again, and the Bonneton local told us that Koopa had attacked his hometown and airship armada, as well, absconding with his little sister. She's a tiara, you see."
"A tiara would look pretty on a bride on her wedding day," I said bitterly.
"Mario—told us about that part, too. Really, Koopa would try something like this without some kind of brainwashing or leverage?"
"Maybe it's his twisted way of showing affection for her," I grumbled.
"Either way, the Bonneton local related with Mario because Koopa had taken someone really important to them," said Grace. "His name's Cappy, and his sister's name is, well, Tiara. And get this—he actually transformed himself into Mario's cap."
"No—way. Mario now has a sentient cap?!" I was seething with envy!
"Yup. It looks good on him. He can throw it around like a boomerang. And when he threw it on a nearby frog, he actually took control of the amphibian from the inside!"
"So—with this new cap, he can do like Kirby and copy people?" I asked.
"It's called capturing—he didn't copy the frog, he possessed the frog, and I have a feeling that it'll help Mario on this adventure," said Grace. "Roland, Gavin and I are tagging along with him; he needs all the help he can get."
"That's what I tried to tell him," I said.
"When we have time, we'll keep you posted," said Grace.
"I'm glad you found him," I told her. "I can't bear to think about what would've happened if your finger had landed somewhere else."
"Since Koopa destroyed Bonneton's armada, we have to find another way to pursue that turtle," said Grace. "Take care, Luigi. Wish us luck!"
"Be careful," I said before ending the call. Good. Mario was okay and in capable hands—and with some new headgear, to boot. But will they make it on time to stop this wedding?
Luigi
28 September 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
As promised, Grace called me at 4 this afternoon. She told me about Koopa's wedding planners, the Broodals, and that they'd all fought one of them in the Cap Kingdom before proceeding to Fossil Falls in the Cascade Kingdom. Also, she sent me pictures of her and the gang in Bonneton, a misty place framed by a full moon. The Butters had gotten some shopping done before the boss fight with Topper, one of the Broodals.
In Fossil Falls, they'd come across a Bonneton airship known as the Odyssey, which required artifacts known as Power Moons to run. The team had already acquired some Power Moons in the Cap Kingdom, but they needed to obtain a Multi-Moon before the airship was ready to set sail.
"It's beautiful here," sighed Grace. "The place has a prehistoric feel to it. The craggy mountains and lush greenery—the sparkling waterfall off the back of a triceratops—I'm taking lots of pictures!"
I swallowed back the envy and told her to enjoy herself before hanging up and staring somberly out the window. Look at what I was missing out on! But then I pulled myself back. Josh would've given me a talking-to if he'd caught me acting like this. I distracted myself by calling up the Toad retainers and checking on them. They assured me that they didn't need anything for now, but they were worried about Peach.
They had good reason to be worried.
So—Grace will call me every day at the same time, and she'll keep sending me pictures and trinkets. It'll make cooling my heels a lot better.
Luigi
30 September 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario and his companions have now powered up the Odyssey, and they're on their way to the Sand Kingdom! The Odyssey, according to Grace, is like no other ship. There's lots of room to sit and stretch, and there's a closet, as well. The first thing Gavin did upon boarding the ship was take a nap while his parents got romantic, looking at the scenery. Cappy had also transformed into a Captain's hat, and Grace had snapped a photo of him and Mario. The Odyssey was rusty when they found it, but the Power Moons' magic had completely restored it to its lovely state.
I also received some photos of them in Fossil Falls. Grace and Roland had taken a dip in the waters in between collecting Power Moons. The Multi-Moon they were looking for was on the necklace of the area's boss, Madam Broode. They'd defeated her with her own pet Chain Chomp, thanks to Mario possessing it via Cappy.
Grace had also sent me a stone disk, the Cascade Kingdom's currency. It's useless here in the Smash World, so I'll keep it as a souvenir. With any luck, Mario and co. will catch up to that turtle in the Sand Kingdom and call off this unholy matrimony. But the question is—what could he be possibly looking for in a desert?
Luigi
2 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Today, Mario called and told me about his adventure in Tostarena, located in the Sand Kingdom. It's supposed to be a desert, but it was freezing cold when he and his companions arrived. There were ice crystals encasing Power Moons and several locals, and they all spotted Koopa's airship in the Inverted Pyramid. The first thing they needed to do was reach the top of the tallest tower in order to collect these items called Moon Shards scattered in the sand. Most of the action took place in Tostarena Ruins, where they'd gotten in some treasure hunting on the side. At the top of the place's landmark, the Ruined Pyramid, they'd fought and defeated another Broodal, Harriet, earning a Multi-Moon in the process.
After that fight, night had fallen, giving Tostarena a creepier appearance. These mysterious creatures called Chinchos ran rampant, and the Inverted Pyramid had floated into the air, revealing a large hole underneath. And down that hole was an icy Underground Temple, inhabited by another area boss, Knucklotec. Defeating him yielded another Multi-Moon.
Everyone is resting for now. The ice has melted, revealing more Power Moons and areas to explore. Also, there's a shop called the Crazy Cap, which sells more than just headwear—there are lots of clothes to choose from. There are so many things to do in Tostarena—so many cuisines to try out and so many locals to interact with. D—n. This must really be an odyssey.
Mario and Grace sent me photos and postcards from the Cap, Cascade and Sand Kingdoms, as well as pictures taken from inside their airship. Before hanging up, Mario told me that I was in his thoughts, and that he wishes I could experience these things with him—but he doesn't want to take that risk. Since this sort of mirrors the action I took during Master Core's attack, I didn't press the matter.
While chatting with Grace, she told me that Koopa had made off with one of the Sand Kingdom's most precious treasures—the Binding Band! That was why Knucklotec was so upset; the Binding Band belonged to him! My guess is that Koopa wants to use it as a wedding ring. Why doesn't he just buy one at the jewelry store—why does he have to resort to stealing?
I'll never understand Koopa. He's a friend and ally one moment, and an enemy the next.
Luigi
5 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Both Mario and Grace sent me pictures from their time in Tostarena, and those photos told me enough. Mario in a poncho and a sombrero, strumming a guitar and singing along with the locals. Grace and Roland, wining and dining at a restaurant as some locals serenaded them. All of them posing in front of the Inverted Pyramid. There were other pictures as well, pictures of them inside the Pyramid, collecting treasure and Power Moons. And they both sent me postcards filled with well-wishes.
I splattered the photos onto a nearby table and then braced my palms against it, closing my eyes and going through a breathing exercise the Wii Fit Trainers taught me. Once my emotions were under control, I threw off my shirt, hooked up my phone to my stereo and selected a random playlist. And then I started dancing, the curtains wide open and the songs pounding through the room, my body in continuous motion. The playlist I'd selected was one of my longest playlists, and it was set to shuffle. I didn't care which song came on next—I simply changed my motions with the tempo. Upper body winding and swiveling, shoulders rolling—my body was just an endless vehicle of fluid movements. For the trillionth time, this was happening. Mario was on a globe-trotting adventure, leaving me at home and winding me so tightly—there was nothing else for me to do except dance it off. That was always my first choice—dancing it off; it made me hot and sweaty, but it did its job. Different genres of music blaring from my stereo, so many different rhythms I could break down my body to. I had a light schedule match-wise today, so I spent most of the day dancing and dancing, eyes closed, until my heart was a fast snare drum in my chest and I was lathered in perspiration, which only made me dance more.
At 6 in the evening, Mario called with more news. He and his companions were now in the Lake Kingdom, exploring an underwater plaza in Lake Lamode. The locals were known as Lochladies, and they specialized in fashion design. The Broodals had caused some trouble for the Lochladies, stealing their prized Lochlady Dress and shutting off their water supply. Mario, Grace and her family had chased the Broodals to the Water Plaza Terrace, where they did battle with the one named Rango. He was defeated relatively quickly, restoring the water flow and granting them a Multi-Moon. They collected enough Power Moons to recharge the Odyssey, but they're going to spend the night and do more exploring tomorrow. The underwater city had me thinking of the lost city of Atlantis.
"I take it that the Lochlady Dress is for Peach?" I asked.
"No doubt," said Mario. "Only the best for the object of his desires, right?"
My earlier exertions had helped me compose myself, so I was able to chat casually with my bro without fear of snapping at him. But I guess he sensed something, for he said, "I really wish you could be here with us. But…"
"I understand. And don't worry—I'll be fine," I said.
An hour later, Grace called and told me about how she, her hubby and her son sneaked in some quality time by exploring an underwater kingdom.
"Believe it or not, this is helping our marriage better than we thought," she said.
We talked for a few more minutes before Grace decided to rest up.
I guess I should rest up, too—that's bound to clear my head.
Luigi
8 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Those volcanic emotions still tend to flare up, even after all that's happened, even though I understand Mario's intentions. I guess that's an unintentional side-effect of my year. It's a little hard for me to go back to the way things were after that. But there's another reason for these emotions—worry. When Mario decides to undertake these missions alone, I'm always worried for him. With me tagging along, I could protect him. Apparently, being trapped in a portrait twice didn't convince him. Either that, or he—I can't bear to say it. I can't bear to imagine that he was embarrassed by the fact that I had to rescue him.
But I deal with it. Mario's absence makes it open season for me, so I spend my days here fighting my hardest and showing them all that I'm no pushover kid brother. Then, I decompress by playing video games with the other Smashers, doing a plumbing job or two or exercising in my room, either by dancing or giving my spin bike a roll. And I always wait diligently for the day's photos, postcards and phone calls.
Today's photos chronicled their adventures in the Lake Kingdom. How they were able to take photos in an underwater city, I'll never know. Maybe it's magic, maybe something else. But they looked like they were enjoying themselves—that's all that matters to me.
According to Mario, they were all now in the Wooded Kingdom, where those Broodals had invaded the Sky Garden and made off with the Soiree Bouquet, the prized possession of the area's locals, the Steam Gardeners. They explored the Steam Gardens, home to a forest, some iron structures and a geodesic dome, and cornered the Broodals atop the Sky Garden Tower. After fighting a Broodal named Spewart, the adventurers won a Multi-Moon. But then, the gardens were assailed by a creature named Torkdrift, who started going on a rampage. He tried to steal the Steam Gardeners' flowers, but Mario and co. would have none of it. After putting Torkdrift in his place, the Steam Gardeners could once again practice their craft, uncovering more Power Moons. After Mario was finished telling his story, I wished him the best and hung up.
Grace sent me some photos of everyone in the Steam Gardens via text. A picture is worth a thousand words, after all. Gavin appeared extremely interested in that geodesic dome. I guess they're going to spend the next few days exploring the gardens and looking for enough Power Moons for their airship.
Luigi
10 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario and his companions had wound up in the Wooded Kingdom's Deep Woods—where they were chased by a T-Rex! Who would've thought they'd wind up face-to-face with a prehistoric animal?! And who would've thought that a simple seed would save the day, growing into a beanstalk which allowed them to escape back to the mainland?
But that wasn't the main event. Earlier today, the adventurers had set sail for the Cloud Kingdom. There, they'd encountered Koopa in the Nimbus Arena, and Grace had taken a picture of their enemy's airship. They'd also seen Peach aboard the ship, wearing the Lochlady Dress, the Soiree Bouquet in hand. She looked okay for the most part, her hair in a stylish updo, a pearl necklace round her neck and liberal makeup on her face. She'd smiled and waved when she saw them.
Mario had Grace and her family wait in the safety of the Odyssey as he battled Koopa. That turtle was wearing a snazzy-looking suit and a top hat with boxing gloves on it. The battle consisted of Mario possessing the top hat with Cappy and using it to thrash Koopa. After doing so three times, Koopa retreated to the airship, which then fired upon the Odyssey. They took a few big hits and wound up crashing into the Lost Kingdom. Miraculously, nobody was seriously injured.
"The ship sustained damage, and we have to collect ten Power Moons in order to repair it," sighed Mario. "I don't know how long that will take."
"Are you sure you're not hurt?" I asked.
"L—I've eaten a lot of Mushrooms lately," laughed Mario.
"How about Grace and the others?"
"Just a few bruises. When we started losing altitude, they automatically assumed the standard 'brace' position."
"Roland—the crash probably brought back some memories…"
"He's a bit rattled, but he's all right," Mario assured me.
"I hope you find a place to stay for the night," I said.
"Roland has Boy Scout training. We're in safe hands," said Mario.
Still, I couldn't help but worry for them. A locale named "the Lost Kingdom" has very negative implications.
Luigi
12 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario and Grace sent me photos of everyone in the Lost Kingdom. It turned out to be a lush, tropical paradise, albeit with poison water and a menacing bird known as the Klepto. They also came across some strange stone ruins and encountered large but peaceful Tropical Wigglers, a colorful Wiggler species. Sometimes, they'd just sit back and watch these Wigglers stretch and contract their bodies to move from place to place. But they couldn't dawdle for too long—they still had to pursue Koopa!
Their next stop is the Metro Kingdom, and they expect to make landfall in New Donk City. That's a weird name for a city, but where there are cities, there are decent hotels where they can stay for the night, as well as food, water and first aid. If I were them, I'd take the time to stock up on supplies. But that's just me.
Luigi
19 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
It's been a year since Josh departed this earth, and I still miss him. His family still misses him, especially Joan and Jasmine. I joined them in visiting Josh's grave, and we took turns telling him how this past year treated us. We placed cards and small floral arrangements before the gravestone, and then we shared a solemn lunch at a café before heading our separate ways.
That evening, as I got ready for dinner, Mario called. He must've known I was thinking about Josh today. We talked for a bit, and then he told me that he'd reach the Metro Kingdom tomorrow.
I managed to hold it together until after dinner. Once I was back in my room, I had a good cry, and then I showered, washed my face and got ready for bed.
Maybe I should play the grateful game before going to sleep. It'll help me feel better.
Luigi
20 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario sounded over the moon when he called me today, and he relayed a very important piece of information—Pauline had thrown her hat into the political arena! She was the mayor of New Donk City—and she had a big mess on her hands. It was dark and rainy, and Koopa's rampage had left the city in ruins. They'd all watched Koopa's airship sail over the city, which no doubt had eerie parallels to 9/11. Next, Mario had to fight a mechanical, giant Wiggler, called a Mechawiggler, who was siphoning the city's power. With help from Grace and her family, my bro sent the power-hungry critter packing. Now, their energies are directed toward helping Pauline repair her beloved city.
Mario's first love, making it as mayor? She's really rebuilt her life in the wake of her ordeal at DK's hands. Mario told me that being a survivor was the meat of her campaign. But unlike Peach, she doesn't need anyone rescuing her—however, she appreciated Mario's help in getting rid of that Mechawiggler. And after rebuilding her city, she plans to hold a festival, and she wants Mario and co. to help her organize it.
What are Stanley's thoughts on this, though? I hope Mario ribbed him a little over being the First Gentleman of New Donk City.
Luigi
21 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario and co. have sent me lots of pictures and postcards from New Donk City. The resemblance it bears to New York is uncanny. The Crazy Cap was founded in New Donk City, while there the Nintendo World Store in New York. The New Donk City Hall looks a bit like the Empire State Building. There are stand-ins for the Chrysler Building, the Flatiron Building and the Brooklyn Bridge. And it's called "The Big Banana", a reference to "The Big Apple". I can't help but wonder if this was Mayor Pauline's idea.
The adventurers also got to talk to the First Gentleman today. Stanley was pretty gracious about it; he didn't rub in what Mario was missing out on or anything and took my bro's gentle ribbing with a smile. He told them that thanks to Koopa and the Mechawiggler, the Underground Power Plant isn't performing optimally. They'll need all the power they can get for this festival. Mario and his companions were more than happy to help.
Along the way, they collected Power Moons and completed side-quests. They relaxed in the park, where some of the locals invited them to participate in a jump-roping game. Mario even used Cappy to possess some random straggler (pretty creepy, if you ask me) and even a taxi, among others, to solve puzzles, which won them more Power Moons.
They're staying at a nice, fancy hotel—probably on Pauline's dime, but you didn't hear that from me. Had I been there, that Power Plant would've been fixed in seconds—I'm still a mechanic at heart, you know. But Mario will surely use his own experience as a construction worker.
Luigi
28 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Who knew that Pauline had some singing chops?
Mario called me and told me to turn on the TV. And there, broadcasted live for audiences across the globe, the New Donk City Festival was about to begin. A four-piece big band was on stage, playing some swinging standards number. And emerging onstage, wearing a red halter dress and red hat—was Pauline! The Mayor was the festival's star performer! Not only could she sing, she could also dance as well—in heels.
And then, my bro, joined by Grace and her family, arrived on the stage via Warp Pipe and began dancing with her! They were actually dancing with the Mayor of New Donk City onstage! Aaargh! I'm going half-mad just thinking about it!
On a lighter note, Grace's parents were also in attendance. New Donk City's appearance made them nostalgic over their days playing Donkey Kong in the arcade. And indeed, the festival had a bit of a DK theme, which Pauline called (according to Mario) "a trip down Memory Girder". She took that traumatic experience and turned it into an opportunity to better herself, while also giving a subtle "thank you" to Mario for risking his life to save her.
The plan is to stay in the city for a while longer, buying whatever food, clothing and tools they need to continue their adventure. I think it was nice that Mario and Pauline got to catch up, and that Grace and her family got to meet her. A fitting end to Pauline's story if there ever was one.
Luigi
29 October 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Grace sounded extremely shaken when she called me today. Apparently, she, Roland and Gavin had done some exploring of their own accord when they came across a boombox (that's right, a boombox in the 2010s). Curious, Grace had pressed "play", only to hear Koopa chuckling sinisterly over a creepy tune—and then the trio heard Peach screaming.
"It wasn't so much as screaming as it was—moaning," Grace said slowly. "And it wasn't a moan of discomfort, either."
"What are you saying?" I asked, feeling a cold void taking up residence in my belly.
"I've been with Roland enough times to recognize what's happening when someone moans like that," Grace sounded sickened. "I didn't—I didn't know if it was real, or if it was some sort of trick so Koopa could mess with our heads…"
"Mario—wasn't there, was he?" I asked.
"No—thank God! He would've had a cow!" gasped Grace. "But—my son. Koopa's laughter didn't faze him much, but when we heard Peach's voice—Roland and I covered his ears. A twelve-year-old shouldn't hear such things."
"Was that recording intended for Mario?" I wanted to know.
"I think it was," said Grace. "At one point during the tape, Koopa taunted Mario. And then he started talking about his 'honeymoon plans'…"
"Oh, my God!" I cried. "You don't have to say anymore. But you have to tell him. If he finds out you've kept something from him—it won't end well. And for all I know—the recording's fake."
"That was my first thought—but now, I'm not so sure," shuddered Grace. "How will Mario react when I tell him? Don't you think Koopa would want me to tell him?"
"I have faith in Mario. I know he won't give that turtle what he wants," I said, "but you can't keep this from him. You don't have to go into details. Just—give him the short version. Can you do that?"
"I think so," said Grace.
"If that recording is any indication, then Koopa's growing more ruthless by the second," I said. "Be careful."
"You be careful," retorted Grace.
We hung up, and then I felt the anger swell in my body. That turtle wasn't content with just grabbing Peach to be his bride—no, he had to psychologically torment Mario, as well! If my bro went psycho on Koopa after he found out, I wouldn't even bat an eye. But I still hope he won't take the bait.
Luigi
11 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario's voice was very calm during his phone call. I was so happy Grace had kept her word and told him about the recording. But I also hoped that Mario wouldn't fall for the trap and misconstrue what he heard. Thank God, he didn't. Most of his anger was reserved for Koopa.
"He loves p—ing me off more than he loves Peach," he said. "Marrying her is the ultimate way of sticking it to me!"
They were now in Shiveria, located in the Snow Kingdom, and were appropriately bundled up. A blizzard was raging, which meant that the locals' own racing tournament, the Bound Bowl Grand Prix, was delayed. After some investigation, Mario soon saw why—the pileup of snow was blocking the main entrance! Grace and her family helped him collect four Power Moons, which removed the obstruction and allowed the race to continue. As the Butters watched on from the stands, Mario used Cappy to possess one of the racers, allowing him to compete! Mario, in the racer's body, placed first in the Grand Prix, earning him a Multi-Moon. Slowly, the blizzard died down, making the area safer to explore and uncovering more Power Moons.
"The Shiverians are giving us a place to stay," said Mario. "A nice, igloo-shaped apartment. Someone told us that their delicacy, the Frost-Frosted Cake, was stolen, so I guess we'll look for that tomorrow."
That had to be the work of those Broodals!
Later, both Mario and Grace sent me photos of them in Shiveria, as well as leftover photos from their exploits in New Donk City. After thumbing through those photos, I spent some time in the Training Area. Watching scenes of Mario necking with the Mayor, walking around wearing classy suits, interacting with Grace's parents and playing in the snows of Shiveria made me a little hot, and by now, I think you know why.
Luigi
12 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
The Broodals were indeed behind the cake theft. Mario and Co. battled Rango again, and then set sail on the Odyssey for the Seaside Kingdom, landing in the town of Bubblaine. It was a coastal locale, recognizable by the giant gold and glass chalices scattered about the area. But when the adventurers arrived, a giant mollusk was guzzling the kingdom's sparkle water, and the fountains had corks on them. Mario possessed a creature known as a Gushen to reach four switches at the top of a pillar near a Beach House. Ground Pounding each switch uncorked a fountain, and the cork fell atop the mollusk. Once all four switches were Ground Pounded, the giant mollusk fell off the water supply, restoring Bubblaine to its former glory.
As a token of thanks, the locals have given Grace and Mario a villa each. The adventurers are going to spend some time looking for more Power Moons and splashing in the surf. I hope they brought their bathing suits with them.
Luigi
15 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Among today's stash of photos was one of Mario, running along the coastline—shirtless and wearing swimming trunks—or were they boxers? And I just have to say—whoa! These rescue missions are keeping him pretty fit! That's not to mention Roland, clad in nothing else but a Speedo, and Grace, wearing a bikini, soaking up the Sparkle Waters and sunshine! I just stared and stared and stared at those photos, trying to picture myself there with them. Then, I called Julian and his family to check on them. They'd heard about Koopa's wedding plans and had set up a relief drive, along with a Go Fund Me page, to help pay for Mario's expenses. But mostly, Julian talked about his daughter and Jake. He told me that he thinks they—took that step. Or they're at least about to.
"They learned about it in health class, and I know it's inevitable," he said. "My girl's becoming a woman, but like every father, I'm not ready. God, I wish Dad was here right now."
"If he was here, I think he'd tell you to cut Jas a little slack," I said. "Besides, you were around her age when you and Jackie conceived her."
"I just don't want her to rush into intimacy," sighed Jules.
"You think she's being pressured?"
"Well—no. It's just—I want her to talk to me when she's ready to—do that—with Jake."
"Don't we all?" I asked.
Later that day, Grace called. She, her family, and Mario were in the Luncheon Kingdom, a volcano and food-themed paradise. The Broodals had stolen some of the Stupendous Stew to serve to the guests during the wedding reception. They'd obtained a Multi-Moon by defeating Spewart again, and now they were climbing up Mount Volbono, en route to the pot containing the remaining stew. A bird-like menace called Cookatiel was trying to eat it all—and he wasn't sharing! How rude!
"I can't wait to try out that stew, by the way," said Grace. "If Koopa wants to serve it to his wedding guests, then that's saying something."
That evening, after dinner, it was Mario's turn to call. He was speaking between gasps as he told of how Mt. Volbono had erupted, launching everyone off the summit. They found a way back to the pot of stew by way of the volcano caves, and faced off against Cookatiel, who fell into the stew following his defeat. Uh—yum?
"We're gonna stay an extra day," he said. "We'll need all the Power Moons we can get!"
"Don't eat up the whole kingdom," I snickered in response, and Mario laughed.
Where will our adventurers head next? Tune in next time…
Luigi
17 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario and his companions were knockouts in their chef's attire! I'm talking about the photos and postcards they sent me from the Luncheon Kingdom. Now that Cookatiel was gone, the locals could go about their daily lives, and that involved a lot of—cooking! The Butters finally got to sample that Stupendous Stew with an added ingredient, which was Cookatiel! The result was a heartier and meatier stew; it was so appetizing that they had to get seconds! Listening to Grace gush about it made me hungry, so I made myself a sandwich. Unfortunately, it wasn't as appealing as the aforementioned stew.
I'm a bit jealous of the Butters now. Mario didn't object when they insisted on accompanying him. What's the big deal when it came to me?
But all of that was moot when Mario phoned me. He was nearly hysterical as he told me that Koopa had attacked the Odyssey, riding a f—ing dragon! Said dragon nearly annihilated the airship, standing our heroes in the Ruined Kingdom!
"Are you hurt?" I asked.
"No," replied Mario.
"What about Grace and her family?"
"I threw myself on top of them during the crash, so no."
"How bad is the damage?"
"We'll need three Power Moons to fix it. Then, we have to fight that dragon to proceed to Koopa's Kingdom."
"You think that's where the wedding will be held?"
"Where else would he hold this wedding?"
"Just—be safe, Mario," I said.
A dragon. Where in the Inferno did Koopa get a dragon? He's exercising less and less restraint now. Since he's rushing Peach to the altar, he has nothing left to lose. And consequently, he wants Mario gone—along with anyone near him.
After I called Grace to make sure she was okay, I prayed. Not just for Mario to get Peach back home, but also for him to discourage Koopa from doing this once and for all.
I wanted enough to finally be enough.
Luigi
18 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
I slumped over in pure relief when Mario told me that the Ruined Dragon was defeated, and that he and his companions were on their way to Koopa's Kingdom. Out of fear for their safety, he'd sent Grace and her family to collect as many Power Moons as they could while he faced the Lord of Lightning alone. The three had objected, but Mario had been firm about it. Then, Mario talked about his fight with the dragon, and as I listened, I told myself that I would've defied his orders and rushed over to help him, anyway, even if it meant dying with him.
Then, he put Grace on the phone, and she described her family's adventures through the Ruined Kingdom. It was a stormy, mysterious locale bearing the remains of a medieval civilization torn apart by some sort of conflict. In between finding Power Moons, they all took photos and selfies, deftly navigating their way down cobblestone paths and evading the more dangerous areas. Once they'd gathered their share of Power Moons, the Butters met up with Mario in front of the Odyssey, where he had them wait inside while he grabbed the Power Moons in the areas they couldn't access. With the airship fully repaired, the quartet set sail for Koopa's Kingdom.
"We should get there tonight, late," said Mario when he took the phone back. "Now's a good time for us to get some sleep, huh?"
"Definitely," I said. "Koopa always packs a big fight, and that's more than the case now. Good luck, Big Bro."
"Thanks, L," said Mario before hanging up.
Mario and co. are reaching home stretch, and home stretch is usually the hardest. They'll need all the rest they can get.
Luigi
19 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario called me earlier than usual today. He told me that Koopa had changed the layout of his castle from its usual grim design to a traditional Japanese castle, a lush and flowering work of architectural brilliance. Stairface Ogres patrolled the courtyards, but Mario and his companions defeated them all to infiltrate the castle. While searching for their adversary, they collected Moon Shards and explored the many walls and baileys. Once again, Mario pleaded with the Butters to not get involved when he faced Koopa and whoever else was out to stop him. Eventually, he directed them to the garden, where he was sure there were plenty of Power Moons for them to collect.
"I'm almost at the Main Courtyard," he said. "I can see two of those Broodals waiting for me—and they don't look happy. This is why I sent Grace and her folks to the garden. I'll keep you posted."
"Okeydokey," I said.
Later, the Butters sent me photos of themselves exploring the Ruined Kingdom and in the garden of Koopa's Castle.
"There's also a tea house nearby," said Grace when she phoned me. "What would Koopa want with a tea house?"
"Maybe a place to relax," I sniggered. "Seriously, though—Mario wants you to stay safe. He's about to fight two Broodals in the Main Courtyard."
"He hasn't encountered that turtle yet? That's odd," said Grace.
"Maybe it's a trap. Stay alert," I said.
"Will do," said Grace.
Two hours later, Mario gave me another call.
"I—had to—fight Harriet and Topper," he panted. "Now, I'm in the central keep. It doesn't—look good, Luigi. It's up to you—to look after the Toads—should the worst happen."
"Don't say that," I said. "You're Super Mario. You can defeat any threat. I know you'll win."
"Oh, Luigi…" Mario sounded exhausted.
"I believe in you," I said.
"That's very good to hear," Mario told me. "Tell you what—I'm gonna remind that turtle why you believe in me—and why I'm known as Super Mario."
"Now, THAT'S more like it!" I laughed. "Give him an extra thrashing for me, okay?"
"Okay," said Mario.
I spent the rest of the day in suspense, and I don't think I'll sleep much tonight. This is it. The final fight to stop Peach's worst nightmare from coming true. Maybe marriage to Koopa wouldn't be her worst nightmare after all—the expectation to bear his children will be. Best not let my imagination run away with me, though. Either way, I'm counting on Mario, Grace, Roland and Gavin to put a stop to this insanity!
Earlier tonight, I was about to turn in when Mario gave me a call.
"Koopa wasn't here, after all!" he exclaimed. "His wedding's being held—on the Moon!"
"The Moon?" I gasped.
"The Broodals told me that when they attacked me," said Mario. "They're out for blood, because I put them out of a job! And they were all controlling a giant robot!"
"Yikes," I said. "Did they hurt you?"
"Does it matter? If I get hurt, I walk it off, because Peach needs me!"
"What about Grace and her family? You've got to check on them in case those Broodals…"
"Grace texted me. She and her family are fine; they're in the tea house."
"After fighting a robot, you deserve a cup of tea, too," I said.
"Tea can wait—I have a wedding to crash," Mario told me.
"Call me when you get there," I instructed.
"You bet I will," said Mario.
After saying goodbye to him, I called Grace and updated her on the situation.
"We're waiting for him in front of the Odyssey," said Grace. "He's gonna be shocked at how many Power Moons we could find."
"It's almost over," I said. "I hope you're ready."
"You bet we are," said Grace. "Gavin's excited over going to the Moon. But wow—just look at how Koopa pulled one over on us! I'm glad Mario's not seriously hurt!"
"That makes two of us," I said. "I told him to call me when you all arrived, but you can just send me a text."
"Okay," said Grace. "Keep your fingers crossed, because now it's do or die!"
On those words, she hung up.
I'm definitely not getting any sleep tonight!
Luigi
20 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
As promised, Mario called me first thing in the morning. They'd all reached the Moon Kingdom without incident, and were en route to the Wedding Hall to stop Koopa from marrying Peach.
"There's very light gravity here," said Mario. "Now I know how astronauts feel."
"Now you can match me when it comes to jump height," I joked.
"If you were here, then I'd have to give you ankle weights to keep you from flying off," Mario joked back. "The four of us had to spend some time getting used to it. You should see Grace and her folks, doing somersaults and flips and the like."
"What's a wedding hall doing on the Moon, though?" I asked. "Koopa's Castle would've been a perfect place to get married!"
"I hear that the Wedding Hall was built to honor some sort of moon goddess," said Mario.
"It would still put the validity of the marriage into question," I opined.
"True," said Mario. "Should I not reach the Wedding Hall in time, I know that Peach will try to use that to her advantage, along with her political know-how."
"She probably won't even give him the time of day," I said. "She'll probably cause him so many headaches that he'll have no choice but to divorce her! That would be so funny!"
"Luckily, I don't see it boiling down to that," said Mario, "and just think—as early as tonight, this royal wedding could be nipped in a bud!"
"I guess I should let you go for now," I said. "If the best happens, call me. If the worst happens—have Grace, one of her family members or Peach call me."
"And if the worst happens—thank you—for being my bro," said Mario.
My eyes misted. "Kick his [bleep], Mario," I said. "I'll be waiting for you."
"Keep a weather eye on the horizon," said Mario before hanging up.
At 1:30 in the afternoon, Grace texted me a photo of Mario. His hair was combed back, and he was dressed in the most stylish outfit I'd ever seen. A sparkling white coat, along with a white shirt, white vest, his usual white gloves, white slacks, polished white shoes and a red bow tie snugly at his neck. Atop his head was a white top hat with a red "M" on it.
His wedding outfit, Grace captioned.
Wow—he's looking good! I texted.
Then, she texted me a photo of herself, wearing a pastel green halter gown with green gloves. Her hair was in sausage curls, a necklace with a white moon charm on it was around her neck, and her face was neatly made up.
Dressed for the occasion, she texted.
Finally, she sent a photo of Gavin and Roland, clad in matching silver tuxedoes, their hair perfectly coiffed. We're ready 2 go!
Go get him! I replied.
Grace texted me a smiley-face in response.
Hardly an hour later, she gave me a buzz.
"Hey, Grace," I said.
"L, we're at the Wedding Hall," she announced, "and it looks like Koopa invited quite a few guests to witness the nuptials. When we got there, Peach was putting up quite a fight against her groom. He was trying to put the Binding Band on her, but she was having none of it!"
I laughed. "Good old Peach," I said. "Where's Mario?"
"Well—Koopa was upset that we crashed the wedding. Mario told us to stay put while he advanced on his adversary. That was when Koopa opened up a trapdoor beneath him."
"Is he…?"
"I don't know. Koopa jumped down the trapdoor after Mario fell. I guess he doesn't want to put his wedding guests in harm's way by starting a fight in a crowded wedding hall. That's very decent of him."
"Or he doesn't want them to see what he plans to do to Mario," I shuddered.
"Right now, Roland and I are keeping the guests company," said Grace. "Our top priority is avoiding a panic. A bunch of panicking guests will make Mario's situation worse."
"Why would they panic?" I asked. "They should be celebrating. Mario's arrival means that Peach won't have to marry that turtle."
"What I'm saying is—if things take a turn for the worse, then they need to remain calm and composed," said Grace. "We'll keep you updated in case this situation changes. But right now, things are looking good."
"Take care, Grace," I said before hanging up.
Fifteen minutes later, my phone rang again.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey, Luigi," said Peach. "Um—how should I say this…?"
My stomach seized up. "Oh, Dio! Mario…"
"Relax—he's fine, and a knockout in that wedding suit," giggled Peach. "It's just—he and his new friend, Cappy, they—well, let me just come out and say it. Mario is in Koopa's body!"
"Excuse me?" I balked.
"Before Mario arrived, that reptilian a—hole was trying to put that Binding Band on me," explained Peach. "He was trying to push it on, and I just kept pushing it away. I even surprised myself—who knew I could be that strong? Anyway, Mario showed up, and Koopa opened a trapdoor under him. Eventually, he put the Binding Band around my waist and hung me from a chain like an ornament. He was generous enough to make sure I was comfortable. Well, Mario fought him and predictably, beat the [bleep] out of him. I was finally free of the Binding Band, but then the area started to collapse. Mario and I were stumped at first, but then, we noticed Koopa, dazed on the floor. We figured, 'Why not'? So, Mario used his Capture ability to take over Koopa, and I hitched a ride on his shoulder. Check your phone—I'm sending you a text."
Seconds later, I got a text notification. I clicked on it to see a selfie of Peach in the Lochlady Dress, smiling as she perched atop—Koopa? No, he was wearing Mario's cap and moustache! It was Mario-as-Koopa, possessing the latter's awesome strength, size and bulk along with the former's good heart and sense of justice! He was even smiling into the frame, not a villainous smirk, but a smile!
"A sweet ride, right?" laughed Peach. "All right—I should be back in the Smash Mansion pretty soon. I'll talk to you then."
"Okeydokey. Thank God you're okay," I said, and then ended the conversation.
Five minutes later, Mario gave me a call.
"We did it," he said breathily. "By the grace of God, we did it. We're on our way back."
"What about Grace and her folks?" I asked.
"They were quite brave during this whole thing, and they helped evacuate the Wedding Hall when the underground area started to collapse. Peachy and I will make a stop in Los Angeles to drop them off. Then, we'll head back to the Smash Mansion. Tell MH that we should be there by noon tomorrow."
"I will. I'm happy you're all safe," I said.
"Same here, Lil' Bro," said Mario. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"A domani," I replied before ending the call.
I let out a big sigh of relief. Once again, Mario had thwarted Koopa and rescued Peach. Which begs the question—they won't let that Frost-Frosted Cake go to waste, will they?
Luigi
21 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Master Hand threw a "welcome back" party for Mario and Peach when they returned. The duo were still in wedding garb and looked a bit exhausted, but sunny smiles were on their faces. I ran up and hugged Mario, and he lifted me off the ground as he returned the embrace. But I also noticed something—off—about Mario. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes. Since he had a rough few months, I won't press the matter now, but one of these days, I'll talk to him about it.
Then, Mario introduced everyone to Cappy, who proved to be an excited ball of energy. He even demonstrated his Capture ability on an unwitting Crazy Hand, though MH persuaded the Bonneter to stop possessing his twin. After that, Peach introduced us to the sweet Tiara, who was just now discovering her powers.
"She was miles away from her brother and in the clutches of a tyrant," said Peach. "I was all she had. The two of us banded together to survive the ordeal."
"We're glad to have you back," said MH. "Where's Koopa? I need to speak with him regarding this incident."
Peach snorted. "I'm sure he found a way to get one of his airships to take him back," she said. "I hope you suspend him for a very long time."
"Don't worry—I shall determine the proper punishment for him," said MH.
"Just pencil him in for a match against the three of us," I opined. "I think that's a good punishment."
Mario and Peach nodded in agreement.
MH couldn't help but laugh.
"I cannot let him believe he can get away with things like this during the tournament," he said once he recovered. "But maybe after that, though…"
Koopa arrived later that day, however, and tried to sneak his way in. Unfortunately for him, he was caught and dragged before MH. The giant glove imposed a fine of 25G on the Koopa King and ordered him to write a letter of apology to Peach and the citizens of Bonneton. Fair enough, I guess.
Luigi
26 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
After some well-deserved rest, Mario and Peach were back in action! Koopa spent these past five days avoiding them and venting to Dorf and Wario over having to pay a fine. But he couldn't evade the inevitable for long—the loving couple soon had their chance to face off with him on the battlefield. MH even made it the day's final bout! I sat there, grinning like a fool, watching my bro and his love whale on their tormentor. Peach even dented her frying pan! Being almost forced to marry someone she despised made her extremely upset!
But after dinner, Mario took me aside and told me about what happened on the Moon.
"I think I did a terrible thing, L," he said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"It was after we escaped from Honeylune Ridge," Mario told me. "We landed on the Moon's surface, and we were both relieved that the other was all right. I could feel the sparks flying as we stared into each other's eyes. She was so beautiful in that wedding dress…" He sighed. "I pulled out a Rocket Flower and held it out to her, and she just looked at me with those beautiful sapphire eyes of hers. She looked so charmed! She—she knew what I was trying to ask, and I knew she wanted to say 'yes', but—then Koopa broke in, rudely shoved me out of the way and held out the Soiree Bouquet to her. He wasn't pushy or forceful or anything—I saw genuine love in his eyes. I realized that he truly had feelings for her. All this time, it was staring me right in the face. Forgive me, but I kinda lost it, and—I did something I shouldn't have."
"Bro—what did you do?" I asked.
"All I could think was that Koopa didn't deserve her, not after what he's done," said Mario, "and so—I—shoved him aside and shoved my Rocket Flower in her face." He squeezed his eyes shut in shame. "And then Koopa and I just—started shoving each other and scuffling and pushing our flowers in her face and—acting really aggressively! I just—I can't believe I stooped that low! I've loved Peach all my life, and on the Moon, I made what amounts to an aggressive sexual pass at her!"
"Mario…" I gasped.
"Peach was furious at us. She had every right to be. The two of us were acting like children." Mario sniffled. "When she told us, 'Enough!', we stopped. What I'd done didn't really sink in until later. At that moment, I felt like she'd flat-out rejected me. I was heartbroken. And Koopa was, too. Imagine—finding out that your archenemy has a heart. He actually started crying! I just patted him on the back and comforted him because—I knew how he felt. Then, Peach called out to us, saying 'Let's go home!' That lessened the sting somewhat, but still. Once I was aboard the Odyssey, Peach and I had a long talk about the stunt I'd pulled on the Moon. She told me that she'd felt objectified, like someone's prize. Did I really think that just because I saved her, she was obligated to marry me? She gave me a big piece of her mind and helped me understand why she did what she did. Yes, she was grateful to me for helping to extract her from an unwanted marriage—but I'd just basically tried to force her into another one. I was no better than Koopa at that moment. I couldn't stop apologizing."
"Mario—what in the Inferno?" I gasped.
"I was just—in the throes in a major adrenaline rush…"
"And that was your excuse to—wow, Mario," I said. "You're lucky she didn't tell Master Hand on you. You know what's going on back in the States."
Shortly before Mario's globe-trotting odyssey, the #MeToo movement had launched in Hollywood. Many childhood heroes and role models had crashed and burned in seconds as instances of sexual misconduct against women, and in some cases, young boys, came to light. As #MeToo spread, it was only a matter of time before it made landfall in the Nintendo multiverse.
"It wasn't like that, Luigi," said Mario.
"If this goes public, then it'll definitely sound like that," I said.
"I said I was sorry."
"Regardless, you need to do all you can to make this right with her," I told him. "I wouldn't even dream of doing that to Daisy, do you know that?"
"Yes."
"What—what were you thinking? Are you even ready to take that step with her? When are you gonna find time for each other? She has a kingdom to run. You're constantly defending said kingdom, and you also have two plumbing businesses to tend to. Do you know how Josh and Julian made their marriages work? They always made sure to spend time with Joan and Jackie. If Peach is busy with ruling the MK and you're busy running these plumbing businesses and going on adventures—how do you think a marriage will sustain? And there's also the financial angle to consider."
Mario sighed. "Peach talked to me about that, too. I mean, the plumbing businesses combined make enough money, but…"
"Exactly," I said. "Getting married is more than just going through eight worlds to rescue her, and then getting a kiss and some cake. I honestly didn't think you'd—Dio, Mario."
Mario huffed. "Like I said, I got the whole lecture from Peach. I don't need you rehashing it."
I raised an eyebrow at his tone.
"Another thing, Daisy should be lucky that she doesn't have to deal with an obsessive suitor grabbing her every Tuesday and Friday," Mario went on. "So, stop worrying about my relationship and just worry about yours, okay?"
"Thanks for the advice, Mario," I said, a little tightly.
"You're welcome. While you're at it, instead of whining and having conniptions over being left out of my adventures, you should spend that time in Sarasaland, giving Daisy a good, hard…"
Before things deteriorated even further, I took a page out of Grace's playbook, politely broke in mid-tirade and calmly asked him to leave. He glowered at me, but he obeyed, grumbling as he left. I closed the door after him, threw off my clothes, shimmied into a pair of gym pants and then turned up my music, dancing the night away with the lights off and the curtains flung open.
J—s, what crawled up his [bleep]?
Luigi
27 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Sometimes, I don't understand my bro. He's loving, compassionate and fiercely protective. If I got injured, he'd go crazy on the party or parties responsible. If I wound up in peril, he'd blame himself. If he saw anyone harassing me, he'd tell them to back off, or else. He epitomized what it means to be the elder brother.
But ever since the beginning of our residency in the MK, he's also enjoyed reminding me who's number one. Exempli gratia—the incident at the Power Tennis tournament in 2004. Grinding his shoe into my foot because I won first prize after beating him in the finals. Thirteen years later, his actions still sting. When it comes to the Smash tournaments, he'd fume a little after I bested him in a one-on-one. I couldn't help but worry that he was secretly envious of my plethora of combos before patch 1.1.1—and that he was secretly glad that I was nerfed.
Mario, Mario, Mario—I admire him. I love him. I look up to him. I'd fight and die for him. I envy him. I hate always being in his shadow. And sometimes, he p—es me off.
One moment, he was telling me about what happened on the Moon, and the next, he was getting hostile and defensive about it. What, did he expect me to defend his actions? He made a wrong move, and he acknowledged that, but I was still a bit upset that he'd do that to Peach, who'd done nothing but respect him. Of course, I was gonna call him out on it! He had no reason and no right to start snapping at me and then go off on a tangent about my relationship with Daisy. What was he implying—that the fact that Daisy doesn't need me to rescue her makes for a dull relationship?!
By lunchtime, Master Hand saw the storm signals and gave me the rest of the day off so I could calm down. We both knew that I needed it. Realizing what I had to do, I changed into exercise-worthy attire and hopped down a Warp Pipe to Josh's—now Julian's—gym.
Jas was at the counter when I walked through the door, and I greeted her with a slight nod. Her eyes widened, and then she grabbed her cell phone and dialed a number.
"Hey, Mario?" she spoke into the phone. "It's me, Jasmine. He's here."
Like grandfather, like granddaughter.
I slung my stuff into a locker and walked briskly into the cardio area, where Jas gave me two bottles of Gatorade on the house. Quietly, I thanked her before sliding onto the first spin bike I saw, putting in my headphones and starting my workout, making sure to discard my shirt beforehand.
I spent the entire afternoon at the gym, alternating between the spin bike, the brand-new dance studio and the punching bag. My blood was still at a steady boil when closing time rolled around.
"Are your parents at the MK gym?" I asked Jas.
"Yeah. I just gave them a call," she replied.
"How are things with you and Jake?"
"Still going strong," she smiled. "Dad gives him the side-eye—but that's just him being my dad. Wha—did something happen? You can always talk to me."
"I wanna talk it over with your mom and dad first," I said gently, "but thank you."
"I hope you two work things out," Jas said softly. "Here—let me walk you over there."
Together, we took another Warp Pipe to the MK gym, where Jules and Jackie greeted us.
"I—think something happened with him and Mario," Jas told them. "When he walked in, I saw the look on his face. My first action was to call Mario and tell him that his brother was okay."
"That's my girl," beamed Jules.
"I don't think he's ready to talk about it, though." Worry shone in Jas's eyes.
"We'll take it from here," said Jackie. "Thank you, Jas. You did good."
Jas nodded before withdrawing.
"L—there's a spin class starting in 10 minutes if you're interested," said Jackie.
After buying two more bottles of Gatorade, I headed over to the cycling studio and signed up for the aforementioned spin class. It lasted for about an hour, and when I emerged, I was completely sweat-slathered. I wiped my face and neck before spending a half-hour in the dance studio and then another hour or so on a spin bike in the cardio area.
Only after I cooled off in the shower was I ready to tell Jules and Jackie what had happened.
"Mario—did something at the end of his adventure that I didn't approve of," I said. "Even after he told me what he did, even after admitting he was wrong, I was appalled by his actions. His reaction suggested that I'd coddle him or try to help him justify what he'd done. Anyway—he got all huffy and decided to throw my relationship with Daisy in my face." Then, I told them what Mario had said to me.
"I get that saving Peach is quite the task, but he didn't have to take it out on me," I said, close to tears. "I don't—I don't get him. I don't think I'll ever get him. He's in a mood, and I can't deal with it right now."
"Give him time, Luigi," said Jules. "Give him time to recuperate from his adventure, and then try to talk to him. It's just like what Dad said—don't let some scrape or disagreement come between you two. Right now, you need your space, because you're both pretty hot and cross. Give it a day, maybe two—set aside some time for yourselves. You'll know when the time is right, when you're ready to take that first step."
"If he wants to talk to you, then listen," Jackie went on. "If he approaches you, just smile and say 'hello'—see if it can build from there. Remember the good times you've shared, the adventures you've had, what you've accomplished together. Think only on the positive, and shut out the negative. Before you go to sleep tonight, play the grateful game. Don't huddle in the darkness, waiting out the storm. Come out and embrace the storm."
"Dance in the rain," I mused.
"That's right, Luigi," said Jackie. "Dance in the rain."
Beaming, I thanked the couple for their advice before returning to the Smash Mansion, eating dinner and changing into my pjs before climbing into bed. And after I end this entry, before I drift off, I'll play the grateful game, hoping it will make me feel better.
Luigi
29 November 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Fighting several heavyweight characters in succession, followed by a tireless wanderer, shaved off the last of my raw feelings. Without a doubt, I was ready to talk to Mario. But was he ready to talk to me? That was a risk I had to take, because I hate it when we fight and quarrel like this.
I fixed up some spaghetti and meatballs and took it up to Mario's room. Halfway there, however, I nearly crashed into the man himself, carrying several bottles of wine and two glasses.
We stood there, my eyes searching his as his eyes searched mine. And the next thing we did was set down our respective items and give each other a tight hug.
"Bro—about what I said—I'm so sorry!" said Mario, my shoulder muffling his voice.
"I'm sorry, too," I replied. "I was in no position to judge you or to ream you out like that. It's just…"
"I know—it was rude and disrespectful to shove a flower in her face and expect her to marry me," sighed Mario. "You were right to call me out on it. But I guess I didn't wanna listen because I was still a bit cranky…"
"Listen to me," I said. "We have our own thing, and it works. Don't ever forget that."
Mario nodded, leaning deeper into the embrace. "Can you ever forgive me?" he asked.
"Yes," I told him. "I can."
"I didn't mean what I said about your relationship or about you whining and complaining. I know that's a soft spot for you and—I'm such an idiot!" Mario shook slightly between my arms. "I don't know how—but I'll make this up to you. I swear it."
"Bro—my Bro…" I whispered as tears started seeping from my eyes. "I hate it when we fight!"
"I hate that, too!"
And there we were, reconciled, beginning to cry in each other's arms. Our brotherly bond weathered another storm. Later, we properly talked things out over spaghetti and wine, and after Mario sufficiently beat himself up over the incident, we agreed to share responsibility for it. I swore I could feel Josh smiling down at us from his place among the angels, happy that the two of us were still heeding his advice.
Like all siblings, there are still days when we don't see eye-to-eye. But whenever I feel like I can't stand my bro, I remember what a dream team we make, repeat my late friend's wise words and begin taking steps to repair our relationship.
The three R's of dealing with our brotherly tiffs. Remember. Repeat. Repair.
Luigi
2 December 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Peach has gone missing again! Mario went to her castle to check up on her, and he was met with a Toad, who announced that she'd disappeared without a trace. She just doesn't catch a break, does she? Mario sounded exasperated when he called me to pass the news along.
"That turtle doesn't take rejection well, does he?" I asked.
"He—took it a little better than I did," sighed Mario. "I don't see him snapping at his kids over it."
"Big Bro…" I sighed. "I've forgiven you for what you said…"
"I just can't forget that I said it to you," said Mario. "The memory of it makes me ill."
"I remember what you said, and it makes me upset, as well," I told him, "but I forgave you, because I don't hold grudges. Now, you need to forgive someone, too—yourself."
Silence. Then—
"Do you—need any help?" I asked.
"Nah, I got this one," said Mario. "Thanks, Lil' Bro."
Typical.
Imagine my surprise when I saw Koopa later that morning. That meant one thing—he wasn't responsible for Peach's disappearance! But if he didn't make off with her—then who did?
I was pondering over that when Cappy called me in a panic, saying that Tiara had gone missing again, as well. He was still on Mario's head, and they planned to take the Odyssey and look for them. Both were quite puzzled that Koopa wasn't responsible this time around.
"Well, who else has a villainous crush on Peach?" asked Mario. "Who else would want to marry her?"
"Or just add another piece of headwear to their collection?" added Cappy.
"Stay calm and keep looking," I instructed. "I'll have my phone on at all times. Keep me posted."
"Okeydokey," said Mario.
"Okay," said Cappy.
Hardly an hour later, Mario called me back.
"Peach and Tiara are okay," he sighed in relief. "The former just sent me a text. She and Tiara are in Bonneton."
"What are they doing there?" I asked.
"I dunno, but Cappy and I are heading over to meet up with them," said Mario. "Phew! We can all breathe now. For a second there…"
I chuckled. "I get you. Let me know when you've arrived in Bonneton."
"Will do. See ya, Luigi."
"See ya."
I hung up and laughed. Peach and Tiara are taking a little vacation, huh? After everything Koopa subjected them to, they've earned it!
Luigi
6 December 2017
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Mario and Cappy encountered Peach and Tiara in Bonneton today. The Mushroom Princess explained to the duo that she and the young Bonneter had decided to explore all of the kingdoms Koopa had dragged them through on their own terms. They even collected some Power Moons to fuel their ship! Wow—Peach and Tiara, adventuring through the areas their champions had traversed, rather than sitting around and waiting for another villain to make off with them. She apologized for the short notice and told Mario and Cappy that she needed to clear her head. That's—everyone's main goal right now.
After that talk, my big bro and his new sentient cap decided—why stop there? They'd become fast friends, and there are more places they could discover together.
"Tell Master Hand that we'll be gone for a few more months," said Mario. "I'm sure he'll understand."
"I know he'll understand," I said. "Safe travels, Bro."
"Thanks," said Mario before I ended the call.
Saving the princess doesn't mean an odyssey has to end. I look forward to hearing about Cappy and Mario's latest travels, as well as Tiara and Peach's own odyssey. And who knows? Maybe one of these days, I'll go on an odyssey of my own.
Luigi