Hey all,
I am sorry for the long wait. It is funny. I can work on this everyday and yet...it takes me months to get this out.
But let me know what you think!
Updated 3/4/2023
Chapter 19:
A surprise
Los Angeles
She has been asked countless times how things are going, one of the many the after waves of Buck's departure. Her response is always the same, even if it is a lie. "It's okay." Things are far from okay, and while things can never go back to how they were, Athena wants—needs- some normalcy back in their lives. No, she needs some normalcy back in her life. She needs the world to stop spinning. She needs her loving, supportive, happy husband back. She, though not a firefighter, needs her fire family back in one piece. She needs that support and love, which is why she agreed to host a fire family cookout even if she knows it will back fire.
Bobby's smile takes up half his face when she relents. "Really?" he exclaims in total disbelief. His smile is so huge that Athena's face hurt.
For a moment, Athena forgets her anger. "Yes."
At that exact moment, Bobby turns into an event planning Bobby, who has to plan everything down right to the amount of ice in the lemonades. "It has to be perfect." He grins as he rubs his hands together.
It feels almost normal, as Athena watches her husband start his famous checklist. Her chest is filled with a thick, intense fondness for the man she loves with her entire being before she is snapped back to reality a second later. Without the bubbling Buck, this 'family' cookout can never be normal again, his goofiness missing, but she bites down on her tongue before her anger can explode. While the pain still haunts her, she can't be living in the past. She needs to look forward if she wants to move on. She needs to move on. "Just be careful. You know what they say about being perfect." Bobby waves it off and continues on his planning, his pad in hand.
Athena eyes him for a second as he does an inventory on what he has already before her mind wanders. Most days, she doesn't allow her thoughts to linger Buck for too long, but today, he's heavy on the mind. How is he doing? Is he happy? Did he find a nice place to settle down? In the beginning, she did try searching for him, but it was pointless when he was traveling the country, sending postcards. Hard to track a moving man. When the postcards stopped, there was an intense urge to break LAPD protocols and use police resources to track the fool down. However, her therapist—yes, she has one. Who doesn't in this age?—talked her down. If Buck wanted to reach out, he would, and her breaking LAPD protocols wouldn't do her any good. Though Athena wasn't—isn't a fan of that, she focuses on the present and her marriage.
*O*O
For the first time in months, the Grant-Nash house is full of people, though not full of life. It's the exact opposite. The awkwardness and tension in the room is ungodly thick, a strong vice grip on each of their throats, and could be cut with a knife. A crew that was once a tightknit family—ride or die- is now twitchy, anxious, and uneasy, eyeing the other like they're waiting for a sneak attack. It could and can make anyone run for the hills, and unlike the man that she loves, Bobby is hiding behind the grill, already shot down multiple times with heated stares when he painfully tried to get them talking.
Athena does feel for Karen, who is trying her damnest to get the energy levels up. Everyone besides her wife is ignoring her, folding into a corner somewhere. A few of the new firefighters to the 118, who didn't know what they signed up for, took one glance around the house and took refuge outside in the corner furthest of the house. The poor babies are too scared to leave, too scared about leaving a bad impression on the Moody Captain with a massive frown. Eddie, who's nursing a beer, is slantly sitting in the arm chair in the living room, but Athena isn't sure it can be considered sitting as he is almost completely diagonal. She has no idea how he's comfortable like that, but she doubts that's high on his list right now.
Chimney is wedged in a corner furthest from Eddie, his eyes in narrow slits, as he continually scans the room for threats. Yes, threats as that's exactly how he describes the people in this house, and while the word threat seems too strong, Athena sees where he's coming from, him and Eddie completely hostile with each other. She has loudly heard him say a few times that he's here under distress, and considering Chief Hernández has recently approved Chimney's transferred over Bobby's rejection, Athena's surprised he's even here. Granted, it only takes one guess to figure out why: Hen and Karen. Athena, who watches Hen jump up with her hands in the air and join her wife, loves the EMT/Firefighter for it. However, it is a losing battle.
Christopher, Denny, and Harry are sitting in the living room, a few feet in from the tv, playing a video game. Unlike before when Christopher sat to the side, he has joined in on a few games, though keeping a watchful eye on his tablet. The boys wanted to hide in Harry's room, but Athena wanted—wants to keep an eye on the boys, especially the young Diaz who has been struggling. While the boy's anger has died a bit, he is still moody as ever, erratically giving Eddie a hard time, and it has been a struggle to get him to talk. Both Athena and Maddie tried—still trying- their best to keep an eye on the boy, talking to him whenever or wherever he needed a friend. Maddie, especially, has gone out of her way to care for the boy, even 'kidnapping' Christopher whenever he needs it, and there is a special bond growing between the two.
The first question out of Christopher's mouth when he saw Athena was 'Is Maddie coming?' Athena's heart broke a tiny bit. Not unexpectedly, the soon to be mother skipped the cookout, not even blinking when Athena mentioned it to her. Maddie does not want to be in the same room as Eddie and/or Bobby, unable to look them in the eye without her anger boiling over. There is nothing either of those men can say that will change Maddie's view of them, and Athena will not attempt to change her mind, only being the friend that Maddie needs.
Athena takes a long glance around the room before she crosses to her husband in the yard, his shoulder tense and stiff. In the past, she would have put her hands on his right shoulder and drag her fingers across his back, but now, she simply steps up to him. "How's it going?" she asks. The miserable, anxious look in Bobby's eyes shot through Athena when he glances at her from the corner of his eyes, the tears in the corners. She, her heart thumping in her chest, staggers back a bit and takes a second to catch her breath. "How's it going out here?" she croaks, rubbing the back of her neck.
Bobby, for a second, closes his eyes and shakes his head as he flips a burger. "Was this a mistake?"
Simple answer? Yes, this cookout is expecting too much too soon from this broken family. Sure, Eddie has been going to therapy and isn't as loud and boisterous as he has been, but that man is still angry. Though, his hurt and regret are starting to peek through, and Athena can see flashes of the old Eddie she loves. "I can't answer that." She answers honestly. "I just know there is a lot of hurt and pain in that house, and food isn't going to fix it."
Letting out a huge puff of air, he sighs, "I know." Cooking has been Bobby's love language for as long as Athena has known the man. "I know." He turns his attention back to the grill and removes the remaining burgers off the grill. He pokes at the chicken, still pink inside, one more time before he shuts the lid. After taking a long, big breath, he turns to the firefighters in the yard and waves, "Burgers ready!" as he motions to the cooked burgers and turns to the house. No one makes a beeline to the house, lingering behind for a second.
Athena inhales and lets out a soft huff before she follows her husband into the house. He lifts the cooked burgers up slightly, again everyone is slow to act. This time, she goes, "Food, people. Come and get it." A few kicks into gear, but most remain sitting, a cold stiffness in the air. "Get food or else. You better get that butt in gear, Harry." Her 'mom' voice comes out and everyone turns their head.
Karen waves at Denny. "You too, Denny. Let's eat."
Eddie slowly pushes him up, the bones in his back cracking. His eyes dart to his son, and a smile finally breaks across his ice-cold expression. "You hear that, Buddy? Food time. Hungry?"
At first, Christopher is silent, his eyes glued to his tablet. His hands are so tightly wrapped around the device that Athena feels the burn in her own two hands. "You okay, Hun?" Athena asks, taking a step toward the boy.
Christopher lets out a high-pitched squeal, which fills the entire house. Very single head snaps to the boy, though he doesn't notice, as he's too focused on the tablet.
The dread breaking out Eddie's face, he's on his feet and at Christopher's side in a heartbeat. "Hey, Mi hijo. Is everything okay?" he asks, as he gets down on his knees to get a look at his son's face. A hesitant hand reaches out.
It takes a few seconds for Christopher to respond—though his response has nothing to do with Eddie. "Yup!" he cheerfully yells. "I'm great!" A large smile takes over his face, truly the biggest and brightest smile in the entire house.
Eddie, jumping out of his skin, nearly chokes on his tongue at the overly cheerly tone of his son. No one has seen this much cheer in his son in such a long time. "What's got you smiling?"
Christopher turns his head ever so slightly to his father before his eyes flicker back to the tablet, his face blushing. "Nothing." He squeals, his eyes darting away from his father. "Just a friend."
*O*O*
Chicago
After Kelly left, Buck jumps into the shower and lets the water—Yes, ice cold water- run over him for an hour. While he feels like literal death, there's no way in hell—unless someone knocks him out with a baseball bat- he would get any sleep in the near future, his brain zeroing on Kelly and their future date. No matter what Buck does to distract himself, his mind snaps back to Kelly and that blinding smile of his. There's no way he can sleep being so wired up on Kelly's touch. So yes, every part of his body feels like a ton, but he can't stop moving, his feet keep moving. He can't just take a second to breathe, it not in his nature.
When Buck steps out of the shower dripping water, he stands still and bathes in the cold—yet warmer than the shower—air, goosebumps lining his entire body. He takes a deep, sleepy breath before he rubs himself dry. His skin rubbed red and his hair still wet, he switches to autopilot and throws on an old pair of shorts before finally jumping into bed. More like falling. He hits the bed with a hard thump and bounces a few times before he stills. He lays there for a second before he buries his face into a pillow and hopes for sleep to find him quickly. Not surprising—his eyes squeezed shut-, it takes another hour for his nerves to settle and for Buck's mind to drift. This deep sleep is exactly what Buck needs, and after five hours, his body feels lighter, and his thoughts are clear, well clearer than they have been. When he awakes, he lays there for a minute, taking in the peace and quiet. The only sound he hears is the air escaping his lips. When his eyes slowly open, the tension gone.
However, that clarity and peace of mind doesn't last long. Buck's eyes flicker to his phone, wandering back to Maddie's unread message. His arm, consciously, reaches for his phone before he snaps it back to his side. He inhales deeply before he lets out a large puff, and when his heart settles, he reaches for his phone once more. He ignores everything else in his email and reads the message from Maddie.
Maddie: No. Shit has hit the fan, and while I don't want you to worry about it, I am not going to hide it from you. I am not going to lie to you. I am not going to baby you at my expense. Yet, it isn't your fault. This is just the fallout of the situation. Fallout of people's reactions to the lawsuit. So no, Howard and I aren't doing okay. I did not like how he handled the situation. How anyone handled the situation, but you are my brother. I will always love you, and I don't know how to get past the fact that Howard saw you hurting and did nothing. That being said, I am not sure I want to end things, especially with the baby on the way. (Yes, the baby. You're going to be an uncle.) That may change in the future as we will have to see if therapy will help us. Help us work through the pain. But please don't feel guilty about it. Please focus on yourself.
Buck's vision goes fuzzy for a moment and his throat goes dry. With a shape pain hitting him square in the chest, his lungs are in a state of protest as he struggles to find the air to breathe. Suddenly, it's ice cold in the room, and Buck's thoughts are off to the races, none of them nice. Maddie and Chimney, the couple that he supports and loves, broke up? That is the last thing Evan wanted—wants. He wants his sister to be happy, after the life she had, and Chimney makes her happy. She deserves that. God, he wishes he-
Wait?... Wait, what! Baby?! Did she write baby? Buck has to go back and reread the message to make sure he read that right. An image of his sister with a giggling baby pops into his head, and his chest goes light and warm. Maddie is going to be a mom? A Mom! Can you believe it?! And he is going to be an Uncle!? Buck's panic turns, and a smile takes over. While the situation may not be the best, Maddie will be the best Mom and Chimney will be an awesome dad, which Buck can't wait to see it. Yes, he will see it. No matter the distance, he will not allow the mental and cold silence to form between them again. He's just about to call her—Yes, call her- when he notices the second message.
Maddie: Also, I don't know the full story between you and Eddie, though it will not change my mind regarding him, but please reach out to Christopher. That boy, who has been struggling in your absence, needs to hear from you. Everyone knows it, including Eddie.
Gaping at the message, Buck takes a deep, slow breath and holds it for a second before he lets out a large buff of air. Leaving Christopher without a single word broke Buck's heart. In fact, his heart is still breaking, and he wishes he could go back in time to change it, but he has been scared to reach out to the boy, not wanting to draw Eddie's fury. Even now, there is a tremor in his hand thinking back to that thunderous anger. After one of their many fights regarding the boy, Eddie threatened to call the cops on him, and whether the charges would stick or not, that wasn't—isn't something that Buck wanted. He will never put Christopher in the middle. However, that doesn't mean Christopher isn't in his heart every day or that he doesn't want to give the boy a hug.
Once again to calm his nerves, Buck inhales slowly and exhales deeply, allowing himself a moment of peace. A moment to bathe in the silence of his apartment thinking about his next steps. That moment of complete silence doesn't last, as there is a loud knock on the door, knuckles striking loudly and in rapid sessions. Buck's eyes fly to the door, and he stares for 30 seconds prior to moving, his brain fizzing. With an irate huff, he steps toward the door with several large steps crossing the room before he realizes he's only wearing shorts. While he isn't bashful, answering the door only in shorts doesn't sound appealing, so he makes a quick detour to the couch for his old, worn LAFD hoodie (his comfort item. He doesn't have the heart to toss it) and quickly pulls it over his head, as he continues his way to the door.
The visitor growing impatient knocks again. "Coming," Buck loudly spits out, half away across the room. It isn't long after that that he unlocks the front door to reveal a bashful, grinning Adam Ruzek with food. "Adam," he utters, half surprised, half annoyed. "What—" He shakes his head, knowing exactly why the man is here.
"Can I come in? I got food." He waves the brown paper pages. "Chicago's famous street dogs."
The firefighter snorts as his eyes drop to the bag. Food is one of the ways to his heart. "Do I have a choice?"
"Don't do me like that." Adam grins.
"Come in." Buck waves as he moved to the side. "This is only for the food." After closing the door, he studies Adam, as the meeting in Boden's office plays on repeat in his head. Again, he has no issue helping the officer—not his first choice though-, but he just wanted some advance notice, and by advance notice, he needs more than 5 minutes. If Adam drags him somewhere now, he will go all Navy Seal on his ass and make Steve proud. "I assume there's an update?"
Adam hesitates for a second, rubbing the bottom of his nose with his index finger. "Yes. Dom has a large shipment coming in from California, but he wants to meet up before that happen."
Buck still doesn't understand why Dom is so fascinated in him. Aren't there countless firefighters or former military personnel he can bug? Others that would be willing to do whatever he wants for money? Shit, Buck could probably list a few off the top of his head. He met a few of them during his time in the Seals, those who enjoy the kill, those who don't care about life, and for the life of him, he could not understand how this type of people pass the mental evaluations. Granted, no one comes out the same after exiting the service. The things they see can and will fuck up anyone. "What for?"
"He's going to wine and dine you, attempting to flip you." Adam studies Buck's face, his eyes in slight points. His hands tighten on the brown paper bag.
Breathing through his nose, Buck replies slowly, "You want him to be successful."
Adam nods. "But not without some major convincing." He puts air quotes around it, the bag dangling from his hand. "It can't be too easy. After the last meeting with Dom, he knows it won't be a fast yes. What we're hoping for is that he takes you to his stash house in an attempt to convince you."
Buck buries his hands into the pouch of his hoodie, his thumb poking out the small hole. "I take it he hasn't extended an invite to you." He cocks his head to the side. "So why me over you? Surely, he can't trust a man he just met." Buck has to choke down snort as that's what he did with Kelly Severide. Okay, it wasn't instant with his past trauma haunting him, but man, he fell hook, line, and sinker the second Kelly smiled at him. God, that man's smile should be illegal.
"Because you were clearly not interested in him in the least." Adam answers, his eyes zeroing on the slight upturn of Buck's lips. "We uncover cops can fake a lot of things, but we obviously are interested, and we can only do so much, can only play disinterested for so long. Plus, you aren't trying to impress him like I am."
While Buck has never been a cop, he does understand the basics to going undercover, and it really is an art form, an art form that could kill you with the wrong brush stroke. Buck takes a deep breath and nods, not voicing the thought that's wiggling itself forward. 'But you want me to try?' Again, this isn't new to him, nothing that he hasn't done before. Steve had pulled him into a few uncovered operations. "Okay."
"Okay." Adam, while taking a deep breath, studies Buck—from the lump in his throat to the tapping of his foot. He takes a second before he adds, "I realize I made a mistake before, not checking in with you to see if you had—have questions. So, ask me. And don't be scared to knock some sense into my head. According to Kim, I'm a bit dense and stubborn."
"Kim?"
There's a slight change in the colors of Adam's cheeks, which would've gone unnoticed by most people. "I…um." His tone changes, softer and warmer. "She is a fellow cop in the unit." He hesitates for a second. "You remember my failed engagements?" Buck slowly nods. "She is one of them."
"You two still work together? No hair pulling?" Buck teases.
Adam rolls his eyes. "Nooo." He says, rolling his tongue. "We're grownups who can control ourselves." He exhales deeply before adding, "Besides, she is one of my best friends. I would be lost without her."
While that can't be said about a lot of former romantic partners, Buck believes it says a lot about a person to still be friends with their ex, and it is especially a bald statement to be working alongside them. "And she isn't sick of you?" His mind wanders for a second back to his former lovers. None of them ended up well for him, each ending up on bad terms. "How is that possible?"
"Hey!" Adam protests. "No hotdogs for you! Plus, who wouldn't want to be friends with this?" He motions to himself.
Buck's right eyebrow raises, the gears in his head turning. There're probably only a few who could handle the ticking time bomb that Adam Ruzek is. Yes, Buck can only already tell that this man is a handful. "A few?" he offers up.
Rolling his eyes, Adam crosses to the couch, and without approval or an okay from Buck, he falls back onto the couch after setting the food on the table. He throws his arm up on the back of the couch and wiggles deeper into the cushions. "More than a few. I'm loveable."
"Sure, make yourself comfortable." Buck mumbles to himself, his words just whispers on the air. With Maddie's emails still hanging over his head, his chest is heavy, and his mind is in turmoil. As he stares at the officer, he hates this odd sensation bubbling up in his chest: he doesn't want Adam here and at the same time, he doesn't want him to leave. Adam is a good distraction from Christopher and the thought of reaching out to him. God, he wants to reach other to that kid, but Eddie's angry voice and merciless face flashes before his eyes. Buck's heart races and they-
"This couch is shit." Adam throws out.
That insult snaps Buck out of his spiral, and like a switch has been hit, his fear turns into indignant. "You didn't say that the last time." He rolls his eyes. Sure, his couch is shit, as he left LA with nothing and spent the majority of his savings on the road. So, he had to be mindful. Plus, all of his items, which he still needs to deal with, are still in storage, and he had to get new things for his apartment, which ate the rest of it. So, while he didn't drop lot of money, he's proud of the pieces that he found. As if he is dealing with a small child, he crosses to the couch and pats the arm. "It's okay, Baby. He didn't mean it."
Adam's eyes go into fine points as he turns his head ever so slightly to stare at Buck. "You're talking to the couch." He deadpanned.
"So?"
"You're talking to the couch."
"And?"
Adam simply blinks, thinking over his next words. "Where you dropped as a baby?"
"Jealous that I'm not sweet talking you?" Buck teases with a hint of annoyance and amusement. He pauses for a second before countering with "But weren't we all dropped as babies?" Was the ex-Floater dropped? Maybe. Probably, but that wasn't the worse injury he received as a child. Shit, he's lucky to be alive, between his own recklessness and his abusive parents.
The officer lets that thought bounce around his head for a second before he goes, "true. I'm positive my dad dropped me quite a few times."
While Buck doubts that Adam will ask about his childhood abuse, this conversation is getting too close for comfort, and he needs to change this conversation immediately. The mere thought is unpleasant. Shaking off his discomfort, he changes the subject, "Is that why you are getting comfy?"
Adam wiggles again and grins. "Well, I thought I would beat you in again Mario Kart."
It takes a few seconds for that to click in Buck's head, and he replies lightheartedly, "Are we sure we are remembering the same thing? I'm pretty sure that I kicked your ass." Knowing he will have to prove it, Buck crosses to the TV for the controllers for his video gaming system. The food can wait. "I can show you again."
"Let's see you try."
Like the other day, the two dive right into the game, tongues out and shoulder to shoulder. At first, it is a bit weird and tense as Buck isn't sure how to handle Adam. Why is Adam still here? Is this him trying to be friendly? Or him trying to handle his asset? This mind bounces between the two options for a few minutes, but that feeling disappears the second Buck gets Adam with a red turtle shell and the officer explodes in a mock anger. "NO! That's nothing. You just got lucky! Game on, Buckley."
Buck loudly snorts, his negative thoughts gone as he is completely focused on the game. "Really? How about this?! Eat my dust." He teases.
Adam shoots Buck a look from the corner of his eyes. "Not today, Buckley. Not today." Refusing to let Buck get the best of him, he—in real life—swings his entire body to the right before throwing himself to the left and smacking into Buck's shoulder. "How you like that?"
With his mouth wide open, Buck shots Adam a scandalous, betrayed, wide eye stare. "That's cheating!" In his complete shock, he adds, "What kind of cop are you? Where is your boss so I can go all Karen on him?"
"Go ahead. I'm in the intelligence Unit." Adam, trying to eat his laughter, says like it answers everything.
It doesn't answer anything, but Buck can take an educated guess going off of Boden and Casey's clear dislike of Voight. "Hmmm," Buck hums. Adam doesn't comment on Buck's response and jabs a button on his controller, shooting a turtle shell at Buck, green this time. It bounces off a barrier in the game and flies directly at Buck's character, spinning him into a wall. "Lucky shot." He yells, leaning forward in his seat.
Adam smirks. "Eat my dust." He teases as his character zooms past Buck.
Side eyeing him, Buck playfully growls. "Never."
"Just try to stop me." Oh, does Buck try—the half-eaten hotdog sticking out from the corner of his mouth-, and while he knocks Adam out several times in the game, Adam has done the same to him. Honestly, they're pretty much, which makes it all the funnier. Blowouts aren't fun… well, okay. Sometimes, they can be fun, as the other player's reaction can make the night. A second passes and Christopher floats back into Buck's mind—Christopher with a sharp finger pointed at Buck-, his game play slipping just a bit, which Adam notices when Buck is silence after getting hit by a red turtle shell.
His eyes flicking back and forth with the TV and Buck, Adam eyes the firefighter from the corner of his eyes. "Did my awesomeness stun you, Buckley?"
Buck's eyes flicker to Adam as his hands tighten around the controller. Pain shoots up his wrist in protest. "You wish." His words didn't have that playful bite that they had before.
His jaw clenching, Adam pushes the pause button and leads forward, his eyes down on the floor. "I don't do well with emotions and shit, but you know I'm here if something is up." He shallows awkwardly.
Though Buck has only known Adam for a short time, that's as clear as day: Adam and emotions don't mix. However, it means a lot to him for Adam to have offered, an offer absent during his final days at the 118. "Just thinking about something a former friend said." He pauses, tossing around the next words in his head. "Since you're a cop," he starts slowly, using his tongue on every syllable, "How much t-trouble…" He stops, letting out a shaking breath. "C-can I get into trouble if I reached out to my former Best friend's kid against his wishes?" Eddie's irate face flashes across his eyes, his threat still hanging over his head. He cannot forget that chilling look that cut right through him.
Adam shifts his weight and leans backward as he sets down the controller, a foot from the now empty hotdog bag. Before answering, he rubs his hands together and shoots Buck a curious glaze. "That depends on the state. On your motives. Whether he has a restraining order. Whether you are breaking laws doing so. You could be arrested after repeated attempts, which wouldn't be good for a firefighter. CFD would frown on that. So…Um… Why do you want to reach out to a kid?" He scratches his chin as he stares at Buck from the corner of his eyes.
For Buck, that's a simple answer, but he doesn't know how to explain it without sounding like creep. Yes, he loves all of his former coworkers' kids, but his bond with Christopher is something else. They are—were buddies. "His father and I were close, so Christopher- his name—became my little buddy, especially after his mother died. We played video games together. Hung out almost daily. Taught him some easy recipes. Chatted about his little classmates. We-"
"Were you and his father dating?"
The simple question surprises Buck, especially Adam's tone. There isn't an ounce of judgement or condemnation. "No, but the feelings were there." Granted, now he isn't sure that can be said, as he doesn't understand how someone who loves him could treat him so horrible. "We just didn't act on it." Buck has a few ideas as to why. If the relationship went south, that would hurt Christopher. Which is exactly what happened, he grimaced.
"Okay."
"Yea."
A minute passes before Adam throws out, "The fallout due to the lawsuit?"
During their original 'get to know' Buck chat, they didn't spend long on the Lawsuit saga, but they talk about it, him unable to hide the discomfort. "Yes. He told me—more like demanded I stay away. Granted, this was months ago."
Adam rubs his chin once more as he lets out an uncomfortable sigh. "Then it's best you stay away. I get it you love this kid, but the courts will not look favorable on you for going against the father's wishes."
Buck nods, as that was what he was planning on doing, even if it fucken hurt, but Maddie's last message is bouncing around in his head. "I would if my sister didn't send me this message." He reaches for his phone and brings up the email from her. He angles his phone so Adam can read it.
Maddie: Also, I don't know the full story between you and Eddie, though it will not change my mind regarding him, but please reach out to Christopher. That boy, who has been struggling in your absence, needs to hear from you. Everyone knows it, including Eddie.
Leaning over, Adam scans the email quickly, not allowing his eyes to drift to any other message. "Not exactly an approval." He pauses. "I assume your sister won't let you set up a trap for you to get arrested?"
Buck's eyes are huge as his mouth drops. "What?!" he exclaims in total disbelief that those words even came out of Adam's mouth. "She would never!"
Adam shrugs, his eyes drilling into the paused game. "I have seen stuff. Some messed up shit. Some really messed up stuff that I can't believe a person could do, let alone to a family member. Murder, rape, robbery, etc."
"She wouldn't." Buck repeats, though mostly to himself. He shakes his head before adding, "I trust her." A lot of things have come and gone in his life but not Maddie.
"Well, okay. Just be careful. This Eddie fellow still holds all of the cards, and I mean all of the cards." Adam leads forward again, reaching for the controller. He wraps his fingers around the controller and squeezed softly. "But poor kid. Being dragged through adult crap."
Buck's mindlessly nods his head, fully aware of that fact. Well, both of those facts. He hates how their shit is affecting everyone, and if (not an if) Christopher is suffering, he can't stand back and do nothing. He loves that boy too much. "Yup."
*O*O*
When Adam leaves a few hours later, Buck makes his way to the closest in his room and pulls out his tablet. His nerves flare as it doesn't turn on at first, the low battery icon blinking. Growling, Buck furiously digs into the box for the charger, tossing the unwanted items to the side. A minute or so passes before he cheers "Gotcha," finally finding the power cord at the button of the box. Without wasting a beat, he jumps to his feet and literally leaps—a single leap- over the bed to power strip along the far wall. He bangs his elbow on the wall in his haste, but he ignores the sharp pain as he stabs the charger into the power strip. Fumbling with the other end of the charge, it takes a few times to get plug in the device. Buck tightly grips the tablet, staring at the screen, as he waits impatiently.
Let it be said, Buck isn't the most patient man, which annoyed Bobby when he was teaching him how to cook. (As if it isn't already known.) Though only a few minutes have passed, it feels like an hour for the firefighter. He rocks side to side as he loosens and tightens his grip on the tablet. "Come one." He demands, his voice ruff. "Faster." He bites down on his lip wondering why he didn't keep this thing fully charged at all times. Okay, he knows why he hasn't been charging it, not wanting to temp himself with it. Right now, he doesn't have the best impulse control… though he never really had good self-control. He's the kind of guy who jumped in head first, the guy-
The tablet finally turns on, Buck's attention snapping out of his thoughts. "Come on!" He demands, the startup screen taking far too long. He needs to message Christopher before he changes his mind. "Yes." He cheers, almost unplugging in his gee. He takes a second to settle down before he brings up the game that Christopher and he used to play together, and with a deep breath, he logs in. His chest is tight, and the air in his chest is hot when he sees Christopher online. He takes a deep, shaky breath before he slowly lets out the puff of air. He clicks on his name to bring up a chat but takes a second before he types.
Buck: Hey, Bud. Whatcha Doing?
As the seconds pass by, Buck's heartbeat soars, wondering if he made a mistake. Flashing red lights are going off in his head. Is Eddie monitoring Christopher chats? Well, he should, he reasons, thinking about all the perverts and sickos out there. A moment passes by before he goes, does that include me? Like a switch has been hit, he is ice cold, and it feels like someone is stabbing him in the gut. What if Adam is right? What if… Buck shakes his head, not allowing that thought to form. If he allows him—His still charging tablet binged, alerting Buck to a message. His heart stops when he sees it is from Christopher.
Christopher: Buck! I missed you.
It doesn't take long for the messages to fly.
Christopher: Why did you leave? Did I do something?
Christopher: Did my dad do something?
Christopher: When are you coming back?
Christopher: Where are you?
Christopher: Did I do something wrong?
Christopher: I'll be good. Please come back.
Buck's heart breaks with each message, and he is hit with wave of shame and regret. He regrets a lot of what happened in his final days, and while he didn't—still doesn't—want to face Eddie's irate, he wishes he handled his exit better, especially where Maddie and Christopher are concerned. Though if he faced any kind of pushback—no matter how small- , he would've crumbled, which would have ended him, but he doesn't like the idea of Christopher or any of his family—former or not—hurting. He would do anything to take that pain from the boy.
Buck: Hey, Hey. Slow down, Buddy. Everything is okay.
He hits send as he carefully crafts his next message in his head. He needs to make sure Christopher doesn't get confused or misunderstand anything. While Eddie deserves some karma justice, Buck also doesn't want to lay the blame at Eddie's feet as the Father-Son Duo need each other. He will never come between those two. However, he doesn't know how to explain to the kid about subjects that he should never have to know or deal with.
Buck: Neither your father nor you did anything. After the injury and the tsunami, my head was messed up and I couldn't stay. I needed to find myself. This had nothing to do with you. Please know I love you.
Christopher's response is almost immediate.
Christopher: When are you coming back?
This question hurts more the second time Buck reads it. While Buck never stated he's never returning to Los Angeles, there is no chance of him returning. In his short time with Chicago, this place has become his home, and Kelly… Well, Kelly is Kelly, he thinks, his face heating up. He shakes his head, forcing his thoughts to refocus. He puffs up his cheeks and lets out a large breath of air. His grip tight, he begins to type his response, or rather, he tries to type his message. Any sentence he types is automatically deleted by him when he slaps the delete button and starts again. His heart is in his throat, as nothing feels right. What the hell is he supposed to tell him?
Christopher: Buck?
Buck: I am here, Bud. Just trying to figure how to answer that question
Christopher: You're not coming back.
Buck can't hear the sadness in Christopher's voice, but he can feel it in his entire body. The guilt from before rushes back, slapping him hard. While he can't change how things fell, he wishes he could have this conversation in person.
Buck: No. I am not. I found a place where I can be happy. A new job and friends. A place where I can be happy.
Christopher: This is because of my dad. This is all his fault.
Christopher: I hate him
Buck's heart breaks even more reading that.
Buck: No, you don't.
Buck: Listen. Adults aren't perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. I made mistakes, Kid. I made quite a few in my life, more than I care to admit. This is the same with your dad, so please don't hate him for it. We all have things that we wish we can change. There is blame to go around, and he just thought he was doing what he had to. He loves you with his entire heart. So go easy on your old man.
Calling Eddie's cruelty a mistake is a dull dagger to Buck's heart, as his actions were not an accident. He knew exactly what he was doing, knew exactly how to twist the knife. He enjoyed it, but Buck won't step in between Christopher and Eddie, even if it means he can't see the boy again.
Christopher: But you are gone.
Buck: Not anymore. I won't be there in person, but I am here. Whenever you need… Well, unless there is a fire. I will need to be there. Or if I am sleeping LOL
Christopher: You aren't going to disappear again?
Buck's heart breaks more.
Buck: No.
Christopher: Good.
Buck: So tell me. Have you played any good games lately?
Christopher: yes!
From there, the two are off to the races on the latest video games they each have played, going back and forth like no time has passed, and honestly, a weight has been lifted off his chest, a weight that he has been dreading for months. Buck didn't know how good he would feel after reaching out, and man, he is kicking himself for not doing it sooner. Hours go by with them talking, though it doesn't feel like it, and Buck doesn't realize this until his phone whistles loudly, drawing his attention. "Shit," he mutters to himself when he notices the clock on the stove. "How did it get so late?"
Buck sends Christopher a quick message, stating he will be back. He puts down the tablet and picks up his phone. Who could this be? He doubts it is Adam, unless the man is checking up on him. His mind wanders to Kelly, wondering if the man would call him and then randomly show up his place to take him out. He can't put it past the Lieutenant, who likes to take the bull by the horns and not take no for an answer. While it would send Buck into cardiac arrest, he won't put it past Kelly to plan a spontaneous date for tonight. Date. The word 'date' bounces around in his head, and his face turns bright red, thinking about the kiss goodbye.
His phone whistles again, and Buck's face crunches up a bit, seeing Casey's name flash across his screen. For a split second, Buck's mind goes dark and negative, and he wonders what he has done wrong. However, he shoves that thought to the side and unlocks his phone.
Casey: Are you ditching us tonight?
Casey: And for my sanity, please confirm you are in your sweat pants on your sofa eating something unhealthy.
Buck stares, his chuckle building in his cheat.
Buck: well, shorts… why?
*O*O*
Kelly is honestly quite annoyed with himself, as he changed his mind for the 5th time regarding the date. Nothing feels right, and that's what is bugging him. Why is he going crazy planning this date? Why does it feel like it has to be perfect? Nothing is perfect! Besides, they had already been on a date… Okay, technically it wasn't a date, but it felt like one, and Kelly will forever think of it as their first date. Oddly enough, it felt pretty damn perfect, even if Evan bolted like an idiot at the end. Kelly still shakes his head over it, that man runs from everything. Kelly is pretty sure he needs to tie him down to stop him from bolting.
"What's wrong with your face?"
"Are you talking to yourself again?" Kelly shots back, glancing up from his tablet. His darkened smart phone sits on the table next to him. "That isn't very nice. You should probably see a therapist for that."
Casey shakes his head and chuckles softly to himself. "I'm not the one making weird faces at the tablet. Did you get any sleep?" he asks as he makes his way to the kitchen.
Sleep? What is this sleep? How does he get this sleep? Kelly laughs to himself, wondering if being a firefighter and sleep go together. "Yes." He answers truthfully. Sure, his excitement kept him up for an hour or two, but he was able to catch a few hours of sleep. Though, his dreams weren't PG.
"So, what are you working on that got you so frustrated?"
Right now, Kelly is trying to find the perfect place to eat, a place that will rock Buck's sockets off. However, those places have long wait lists, and he is too impatient to wait. "Looking for a place to eat." He answers.
Casey cocks his head to the side, his eyes in narrow points. "I didn't realize picking a place to eat is hard. Maybe, there is a college course you can take in food." He smiles at his joke, but Kelly just gives him a twitching eye. "Okay, okay. Why don't you go with burgers or tacos. Each a good and safe choice."
While Kelly has hinted at it and Casey has teased him about it, it has never been confirmed between the two that Kelly is attracted to Evan. For a hot second, Kelly wants to keep the date to himself, but at the same time, he wants to shout it from the rooftops. "I asked Buckley out." He states calmly, though his heart is not.
"Did he say yes?"
"He did."
"Okay," Casey utters, his head bobbing.
The word 'okay' echoes in Kelly's head. "Just okay? That's all I get from you."
Casey steadies himself and shots Kelly a look. "Yes. Just okay. I'm surprised but at the same time, I am not." There is a long pause as the two stare at each other, each attempting to read the other's mind. "Honestly, man, I just happy if you're happy." He states firmly.
Kelly nods, not sure what he expected from Casey. Maybe he expected Casey to be more surprised? Kelly is—or has been—a lady man, and Buck is definitely not a lady. Granted, Kelly hadn't hidden his interest in Evan. But it isn't like I knew at first, he thinks to himself. I just… he doesn't finish his thoughts as he grumps to himself. He doesn't know what he wanted.
"You okay?"
"Yup."
"You want to talk about it?" Matt Casey asks, seeing right through it.
Does Kelly want to talk about it? Yes but no. Right now, he just wants to plan the perfect date. Why is this so hard? "I'm good. Just trying to find a good place to eat."
Matt gives him a once over before interjecting, "I'm pretty sure Buckley doesn't need anything fancy. In fact, he would probably just be happy with pizza."
"True."
"So, just keep it simple and don't put too much pressure on yourself. The key is to have fun, and you can do that anywhere." Casey reaches for something—Kelly unable to see what—and says, "Just take him for Bowling and Pizza. I doubt Buckley wants to get all fancy in a suit and tie. I know I don't." He laughs.
As much as Kelly doesn't want to admit it, his best friend has a point. While he—yes, he has a healthy ego—looks amazing in a suit, he would rather be comfortable and having fun. He just wants to see that beautiful smile.
*O*O*
Hours later, Kelly finds himself at Molly with a drink in hand, listening to Capp going on and on about some lady who rocked his world. While Kelly can't remember all of his stories, he remembers them all being the most ridicules stories he has ever heard. Anyone who hears them would call bullshit in an instant, but Kelly knows better than to doubt Capp. Granted, it is hard at times, especially now. "Really?" Kelly expresses, mildly amused.
"Yes!" Capp exclaims loudly.
Kelly, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, chuckles as he gets up to get another beer. "How are you not dead?"
"Right!" Tony agrees. "it's a miracle!"
Cruz snorts. "While I don't know how any of us aren't dead, it's you, Severide, that I wonder about the most."
"Whatever!" he replies, smiling at them. Whatever is said next is lost to the Squad lieutenant as he doesn't wait for a response and walks to the bar to take a seat next to Matt. The Captain is also all smiles as he leans over and chats with Brett, who is beaming at him. "Hey guys." He greets. "What the chances of meeting you two here?" he teases, bumping Casey in the shoulder softly in greeting. It's kind of funny how many nights they end up at Molly's with a beer in hand. Practically, the entire shift is here… well besides Buckley who has yet to make an appearance. Sure, that isn't surprising considering his history, and yet, Kelly has been keeping a watchful eye on the door for the missing teammate. Disappointment blooms in his chest every time a person who is not Evan walks into the bar.
Casey's eyes flicker to Kelly before returning to Brett. "Yea, Sylvie, what are the chances we will see this nut here?"
Brett leans forward and smiles at Kelly. "Well, you live with him, so..."
"Unfortunately," Casey chuckles.
"Hey." Kelly narrows his eyes. "Is this the thanks I get for giving a homeless man a place to stay?"
For the most part, the loudness of the bar drowns out Casey's mock cries, but Brett and Kelly have a front row view to Casey's award-winning performance. With his hand to his chest, he lets out a mock cry as he goes, "Oh, is that how you think of me? Your best friend?!"
"Yup." Kelly says, popping out his lip as he waves his empty beer at Stella, silently ordering a new one.
"How rude."
Brett can't hold back her chuckle, almost gagging on it. "Y-you two."
"You better be careful, Sylvie." Stella interjects as she appears in front of them with a new beer for Kelly. "You don't want to be stuck between these two. You might lose an eye."
Casey shots her a glare—a playful glare but a glare none the less. "Where's the loyalty? I'm your Captain!"
Stella rolls her eyes before she turns toward a customer on the other side of the bar. "Off the clock, Cap. You got to pay me. Right now, my loyalty is to Herrmann," She winks as she walks away.
"I expected more from you!" Casey counters, raising a fist in his mock anger.
Without words coming out of his mouth to distract him, Kelly's eyes zero in on the door again. Stop it, he chastises himself and shakes his head, returning his attention back to the bar top. His right eye twitches when he catches Brett and Casey staring at him, their eyes in narrow points. "What?" he utters, as he leans uncomfortably against the bar.
"Who are looking for?" Brett asks as she brings her drink to her lips. She tips the glass ever so slightly and takes a small slip, her eyes not leaving him.
Casey snorts. "Yea, who are you looking for?"
It was a mistake to tell Casey about the date, looking at his best friend as Matt is giving Kelly the goofiest smile. "Just wondering if Buckley will show up," Kelly answers as he takes a slip of his beer. "Nothing more than that."
Brett tilts her head to the side, her eyes going to her glass. "Maybe, he has a hot date. I know Foster has been talking about him." She playfully glances around the bar. "And she isn't here today."
Considering Kelly had to chased Buck down to ask him out, he doubts the man would be on a date with another person, especially Foster. Besides, he has kissed enough people to know if they are interested, and Evan is interested, just scared. Kelly can't say he isn't scared either, this being all new to him. And his chest constricts uncomfortably at the thought, but it doesn't last as he shoves that thought right out of his head. He can't allow this thought to devour him, especially considering Buck is his own person and what he does isn't Kelly's business. He—
"What's up with that face, Severide?" Herrmann asks, giving the lieutenant a look as he walks past with a towel and glass in his hands.
Kelly rolls his eyes as he tries to mask his expression. Did he show his emotions on his face like some damn candidate? "Nothing. it is perfect."
Casey picks up his own drink and brings the glass to his own lips. "Don't worry. He's probably home in sweat pants on his couch and not with Foster." Brett snorts as she takes another drink.
"Like I should have been," Kelly replies, though it isn't his couch he is thinking of.
*O*O*
While it has been a busy day for truck and Engine with back-to-back calls, Squad had only one call for the entire shift so far, and they have spent the shift cleaning the fire house and bullshitting at the squad table over stupid shit. Capp and Tony have been acting out some show they watched the night prior, which has been quite entertaining. On the other hand, Kelly was only able to share a word or two with Buck before the bell rang, but there's something different about the firefighter. He seems happier and lighter, and while Kelly's ego says it is because of him, it's not. Whatever it is, Kelly is grateful for it.
Feeling a bit antsy, Kelly takes a deep breath and stands, a little frustrated in this inaction. Generally, calls meant someone is having a horrible day, and he doesn't wish that on anyone, but man, he gets a little itchy when he got nothing to do. He has already completed the paperwork from the earlier call, spending a tad too much time on it. He just needs to keep busy. The first thought is to run some drills, but he shoots that idea down. He just needs to keep his hands busy, and if he is going to do busy work, he's going to be productive.
Ignoring the glances from the team, he takes one tool out at a time, disassembles it apart, cleans it, and puts it back together without a single word. When he says he cleans it, he means it. Like he is a candidate trying to impress his commanding officer, he takes them apart piece by piece, rubbing every inch of the cold metal down with the cleaning solution. In record time, he puts them each back together and reaches—
"Need any help, Lieutenant?" Cruz calls out, breaking his silence.
Kelly looks up, his fingertips blacken. "No. I'm good, Cruz."
"If you say so."
"I-"
"Excuse me." An unfamiliar voice calls out, startling the entire squad to their feet.
Kelly stands up, straights up his spine and turns towards the newcomer, his eyes narrowing. Come down, he tells himself. While shit has gone down at the fire house (AKA getting shot up), it isn't uncommon for people to visit the fire station unexpectedly. He has lost count of how many parents brought their children over for a visit. There are also some thirsty women looking for some hot firefighter, which the guys have turned into a game. "How can we help you?" Kelly asks, as he picks up a rag to wipe off his hands.
With a dazzling—yes, a dazzling- smile, the man asks, "I'm looking for an Evan Buckley. Is he here?"
Knowing Buck's past, Kelly has to resist the urge to punch any man who shot up looking for him. While this could be an overreaction, who else could be showing up at the fire station looking for Buck? From Kelly's understanding, no one from his old life knows he is here. "He's not here." He states dryly.
"Did I get the right firehouse?"
"May I ask who is asking?" Kelly asks, taking apart the man inch by inch. Shit, he thinks. He would be remiss if he doesn't note how attractive this man is. His shoulders could go on for days and he has the perfect jawline with the perfect teeth. You don't see this level of attractiveness in most men. Is this that Eddie Fellow?
The man takes a step forward and reaches out a hand, while saying, "I-am-" He doesn't get to finish as the sounds of an engine draws their attention. A second later, Truck 81 pulls into the station, the guys' voice already filling the air. The man's eyes zero in on the firefighters.
Before the truck can come to the stop, the door flies open, and Buckley leaps out like his ass is on fire, his arms flapping and his turnout jacket flying like a cap. Casey's confused, surprised voice can be heard in the background, yelling, "Hey! Wait."
Buck, his eyes wide, stumbles forward, almost tripping over his own feet to get to the stranger. His chest is pounding as he stares at the man, and every nerve in Kelly is awake. "W-what are you doing here?!" Buck squawks, his voice a few levels too loud. His voice slaps Kelly, his protective urges flaring. Who is this man?
"What? I can't visit the man who once removed a bullet from my arm?"
Ending notes:
I hope the long wait was worth it. LOL
Yes! We finally got some Christopher and Buck action. They needed each other.
And who do we think is honoring us with his presence? I can't wait to wait the next chapter LOL