Edward's POV

I sat in the armchair by the window and watched as he set up the IV, its intention was to hydrate her after the high temperatures she had endured. Bella said it helped her recover quicker, so we always had it ready to administer as soon as it was safe to do so. Right now, it was all we could do.

"How long did it last?" Carlisle asked as he began checking Bella's vitals.

"Seven hours" I replied, leaning my elbows into my knees and burying my face into my open palms.
Seven whole hours. It was to long.

Seven hours of chaos and torment moving through her with out mercy. I don't know how she got through this over and over again without going mad. I could still hear her screams in my head, hear her pleading with me to stay with her. I could still feel her burning in my arms as the cold water washed over us. These memories would forever be apart of me now, there was no way to bury the feeling of helplessness and fear that had built while witnessing that torture.

"Were going to figure this out Edward" Carlisle said, as I nodded into my open palms.

I had to agree, there was no giving up and no chance I would stop trying, but it looked so hopeless.

Anna never gave me any idea of what I was supposed to do.

She had visions of Bella happy and healthy, but I had to wonder now, if they were they just good days that she had caught glimpses of, were they just fleeting moments that she saw when I had made her laugh. Maybe Anna had just seen Bella happy and it had made it look like everything was ok. I had seen this. Even this morning when she was on the couch with me, laughing and smiling. She looked fine, she looked happy, before it was all taken away. But even these thoughts were something Anna had warned me about. I couldn't give up.

"Have you thought more about the other option" Carlisle questioned as he jotted something down in his notebook.

"It's all I think about" I said quietly, dragging my face from my palms to look at him.

"Have you talked to Bella about it?" Carlisle asked carefully, knowing that it was a touchy subject.

I shook my head in response.

No, I hadn't asked her is she wanted me to kill her.

If she wanted me to turn her into a monster.

In truth, I wanted to do both those things. I wanted to soak her blood in my venom, not to kill her, but to kill what ever it was inside of her. This thing that was putting her through all of this pain, deserved to die. I felt like I was fighting a demon, one that I wanted dead. But it lived inside of the only thing I had ever loved.

I shook my head as the question formed itself in Carlisle's mind.

"Maybe you should-"
"I don't want to ask her yet." I said quickly cutting him off. "Not until were sure that It will help. It could just hurt her more….and then I would have to-" I stopped as the painful thought entered my mind.
"We'll keep researching " he said nodding his head, knowing my plausible concerns.

I kept my gaze locked on her as he moved from her side and over to mine.
"Call me if you need me son" he added, placing his hand on my should as he passed, lightly squeezing it, before he left the me alone with her.

Carlisle never lingered long, it was always a short visit. I could feel the urgency radiating off him. He was always in a hurry to leave, so he could go back to researching and tracking down other vampires who may have seen this before.
I often wondered, if it was only because he wanted to help Bella - if that was why his focus on this was so relentless. Or was it in part, because he feared my reaction to loosing her. My own mind couldn't grasp what I would do if I failed to save her, but I feared his could imagine what such a loss would do to me.

I sat starring at her, watching her sleep. My mind raced as the flashes began, though there was nothing new about them as usual. Lately I had been trying to ignore them, but the task was almost impossible.

I tried to focus on the book in front of me, along with two beside it, that helped me translate. Though I found I was needing them less and less. Soon they would be added to the pile of books I used to translate Coptic and Sumerian cuneiform. The thought brought on a wave of nausea. I had learned new languages before, but the sense of pride that usually followed was nonexistent. Now they only equated to wasted time. Now each new language that entered my mind, only added to my failure to help her.

I sat at her desk and began going through copies of articles, photos, inscriptions, documents, ancient scrolls and essays. I sought out papers that I knew had nothing to do with Bella's case, just in the hopes they would hold a shred of a clue.

I read all through the night, finding nothing but a bunch of new references to more books that I would need to track down. But nothing that even hinted at Bella or Anna's situation.

As the sun started to rise I noticed her start to shift in her bed. I quietly made my way over and climbed in next to her. I moved close to her side and lightly wrapped my arm around her, listening to her lightly hum in response. She often made this sound of approval when got close to her. The thing was, I was unsure if it was because of my presence or body temperature. Either way, I couldn't help but be pulled in by her desire to be close to me.

Her head turned and pressed into me, nuzzling into my chest, making my breath hitch when I noticed her start lift her arm.
I placed my fingers lightly on her hand, stopping her from attempting to wrap it around me. I gently held it in place while her eyes fluttered open. Her gaze instantly focused on what was stopping her from getting closer to me.
As she took in the sight of the drip, her body relaxed in place and her head dropped back into my chest.
"Is he still here?" she mumbled, still half asleep.
"No. He left last night." I whispered, hoping not to excite her to much, I wanted to keep her calm so that she might be able to fall back to sleep easily.

She nodded as I continued to sooth her hair back, until her whole form changed in my arms, becoming still and tense. I could feel a slight tremor running through her muscles, vibrating into me, this was nothing out of the usual, there was always a slight shake in her form after the episodes, but this shake felt different.

I pulled back slightly and placed my hand on the side of her face, lifting her chin so I could look in her eyes.
"What is it?" I questioned, letting the concern flood my voice as her glassy eyes raised to me meet mine. There was no point in trying to to hide the worry behind my words, so I didn't bother trying.

"Lat night?..What-..I mean…What time is it now?" she stuttered out, though I didn't understand why the information had made her so anxious.
"Around 6 am."
It was obvious from the shock on her face, that she had mistaken the faint light in the room for the sun setting instead of rising.
Her eyes danced around, taking in the information as she obviously worked to calm herself down.
"Hey. Are you ok" I asked before placing a kiss on her cheek, trying to gain her attention and pull her back from the nervous state she was falling into.

She struggled to hold back the tears that had formed, even though she knew I could see them glistening and waiting to spill out onto her cheeks as soon as she blinked.

"I'm fine" she said through a horribly strained voice, one that was still raw from hours of screaming and crying. But her condition had nothing to do with her words sounding so horribly broken.

I let my hand slowly fall from her face, noticing how she watched me cautiously as I pulled back from her.

I wished I knew what she thought was going to happen right now. Why she looked at me like I was always on the verge of running from her.
It was supposed to be the other way around. I was the monster here, not her. I was the the dangerous one. So why did she look at me as if she were.

I couldn't bare it.

I reached over her and she froze as I slowly removed the drip from her arm. She watched as it slipped from her skin, as got the band-aid from the bedside table and placed it on her.

Our eyes were locked with each others as I got back onto my side of the bed, both of us wondering what the other was thinking. But I wouldn't leave her wondering for long, because there was something I had been longing to do all night.

I reached over to her, taking a hold of her waist and carefully placed her onto my lap in one swift movement, before wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my chest.

I planted a kiss in her hair before I rested my chin on her head and felt her hand grab a fist full of shirt, clinging to the fabric for a second until her hand suddenly loosened. She ran her fingers over the rip in my shirt that she had made yesterday during the episode. She lightly traced the tear starring at it as the tears gave in and fell onto her cheeks.
"I ruined it" She barely whispered, each word scratching out her throat as if she was struggling not to completely fall apart.

"It's just a shirt" I reasoned, as I titled my head to the side to see her face.

"I'm not talking about the shirt" she said despondent tone, with her eyes still locked on the tear in the fabric of my shirt.

I placed my hand on the side of her face, moving my thumb over her cheek to wipe away the tears that had escaped.

"No. You didn't" I assured her before I planted another kiss in her hair and pulled her as close as I could. Knowing no words I could say would help her believe otherwise. All I could do was prove that I wasn't going anywhere and the only way I could make her see that was to stay by her side.
We'd been happy yesterday, that was true, but Bella was not to blame for the turn things had taken and it hurt to think she believed that she was.

She laid across the couch leaning into my chest, watching the old black and white movie as I continued to read.
It was the second time she had watched Casablanca this week. I suspected she was only watching it out of boredom. Possibly she didn't find anything else that took her interest. But those thoughts were demolished when I watched her. She stared at the screen as if she hadn't seen it before, concentrating on every scene. Though her expression showed that she was not impressed with what she was seeing. She was a hard person to read and an even harder person to understand. But I had time. I hoped I did anyway.

Half way through the movie I had had finished the book I was reading and dropped it on the small coffee table beside me with a light thud.

I suppressed a growl over the useless text and shook my head. I looked down to see the same annoyed expression on her face as she focused on the screen.

"Do you even like this movie?"
"Not really" she said quietly, not taking her eyes of the screen as she answered.

I was ready to question her further when the house-phone rang.

As always, Bella made no attempt to move and I knew from previous experience, there was no point in going to answer it for her.

Only one person ever called the house and Bella never answered it once.
Ranee's overly cheery voice filled the house, as the answering machine recorded her message, asking Bella to call as soon as she could. But Bella never showed any interest in the phone call.

Her eyes were still stuck on a movie she admitted to not even liking.

There were slight changes in her face and posture, her shoulders tensed and jaw tightened, but she refused to acknowledge the call or me watching her, though she was obviously aware of both.

Bella called her mother on Sunday nights, for no more then 20 minutes at a time, always making up an excuse to get off the phone as soon as possible and her mother never seemed to put up much of a fight.

It being Friday, I knew there was no point to question her, she had set this schedule in place for a reason I couldn't comprehend.

In the small amount of time that I had known Bella, one thing I was one hundred percent sure of, was that anything that happened before she came to forks was a 'no go' zone.

She didn't want to talk about her mother,

about Phil,

Anna,

or the accident that led to her death.

And really, what choice did I have but to respect that. I couldn't drag it out of her, I couldn't make her tell me something she didn't want to talk about.

Even though I was sure these things were festering inside of her. I was sure I could see them behind her eyes, begging to be released.

I was sure they kept her from getting closer to me, as if they were a barrier between us.

It always reminded me of the boxes that still filled the house, ones she refused to even open, and go through. They too, were full of things that dragged her down, but she refused to let me help her unpack them.

I sat at the desk frowning at the page. Realising this was it...It had happened again.

Even as Bella entered the room, moving around it quietly, brushing her hair as she went through her things, I still couldn't lift my sights from the page.

Just as the internal panic started to rise in my chest, she appeared behind me, her hand resting on my shoulder as she leaned over me, planting soft kiss on my neck before resting her chin into the crook of my shoulder.
"What language is that?" she asked, puzzled as she looked over the page.
"Aramaic" I said as I closed the book and turned to face her, watching her brow raise.

"You know Aramaic?" she questioned as she lowered herself onto my lap.
I forced a smile and nodded in reply, hoping she couldn't sense my distress.

Because now I did know Aramaic.

As of right now the translation book was deemed useless and it would be added to the pile. That thought made me feel like I was suffocating.

Before I could finish my distressing thought, her fingers ran through my hair and my eyes closed at the soft touch. I sat still as her hands slowly made their way to my neck where they rested.

"Are you ok Edward?" she said carefully, her eyes holding a deep rooted concern, letting me know she could see straight through me to the fear that had taken up a permanent residence in my head.

"Don't worry about me" I urged as I folded my arms round her, smiling and hoping to assure her I was indeed fine.

She looked at me and chewed her lip with an almost guilty expression, but I had no idea why. Suddenly she lifted up to her feet, leaving me stunned by the unexpected movement.

"It's still early, we should get out of here" she said far to quickly, as she began looking around the bedroom. I felt my mouth hanging open, trying to understand what she was talking about.

I watched as she grabbed her coat and bag.

"You wanna go out?" I questioned.

"Yeah, let's go" she said as she started going through her bag assessing its contents.

"Your still recovering, we should wait until-"

"I'm fine" she said with an exasperated laugh a she cut me off, disregarding my obvious anxiety as if it was uncalled for.

I sat still, looking her over, trying to figure out why she felt the sudden need to get out of here when we hadn't gone anywhere in weeks. Also trying to figure out why she was in such a hurry to do so.

"Come on" she said making her way to the door way, she grabbed my jacket from the dresser and tossed it to me before she left the room, leaving my no other option but to follow her nervously.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I pulled the car from the driveway in to the empty street her house resided on.

"Port Angelas" she responded with enthusiasm as she turned the radio on.

I was sure she was aware of the nervous wreck that I was right now. I was far to worried about her health to be out here, but she completely ignored my reaction to the spontaneous trip she decided was necessary.

I rubbed anxiously at my neck as I drove, looking in her direction far more then I was at the road.

She distracted herself with the radio, flicking through stations until she found one that in no way matched any music that I had ever heard her listen to before. It was upbeat pop music and at one point I even heard her sing along to one of the songs.

By the time we left Forks I was ready to turn around, this had to be a bad idea. This had to be irresponsible. I wanted to voice my concerns to her, at least try to get an explanation from her.
I looked over at her as she wound the window down and let the cool breeze wisp through the car, hitting her face and blowing her hair. That's when it happened, it was small and most likely insignificant,

she closed her eyes,

she leaned back into her seat with a sweet smile on her face that was brought on by what ever had crept into her mind.

She turned to face me as her eyes opened and the sweet smile was replaced with an audacious one that was oddly alluring.
"So…This thing go any faster?"

I didn't understand what we were doing out here. I didn't know her well enough to know what was going on in her head. But what I do know is that she deserved to be happy for as long as she could be, before everything fell apart again. I wanted that for her.

I smiled back and slowly began pressing my foot down, making her laugh out in an excited squeal that I had never heard her make before. It was enough to make me laugh as the sound surrounded me. As the car sped down the road, the sound only got louder as the car got faster.

I headed up the alleyway with her, hand in hand. We walked slowly in the direction of the book store when she suddenly stopped in her tracks, her tightened grip stopping me along with her.
For a split second I thought something was wrong, I had a moment to scold myself for not convincing her to stay home and rest, but as I turned I saw her face I knew my worry was unnecessary.
She looked up at me with a smile the was glowing from the distant street lights and the sight was enough to make my whole body hum.

"What is it?" I questioned with a slight laugh running through my words, unable to help myself from returning her contagious smile.

Her free hand slowly glided up my arms, not stopping until it was firmly placed on my neck, pulling me down to her. I don't know what brought it on, but her intention was clear.

She looked longingly into my eyes for a long moment, her smile unwavering as she rose up onto the tips of her toes to align her eyes with mine.
She had moved so slowly that it made every second feel like hours until she tilted her head and brought her lips to mine and I felt every muscle in my body tighten.

Her hand untangled from mine to join the other around my neck, as mine found her waist and pulled her closer.

I felt her lips part and finally realised why this particular kiss was making me so tense.

I had kissed Bella before, but they were quick chased kisses that lasted no more then a few seconds.

The first time I had kissed her we were on the on the back porch.

She sat on the steps beside me, the sun beaming down on us while she held my hand in hers, watching the way the light hit my skin. We had sat there for hours and she never seemed to grow tired of the sight.

I had been thinking about kissing her for so long that I had reached the point where it was almost driving me crazy.

There was a want, a need to do it.

But painfully twisted into that want and need, was a horrible fear that plagued all of the sweet thoughts and desires.

I didn't know if I could be that close to her, I didn't know if I had that kind of control. I didn't know if I was strong enough to keep my animal instincts from creeping into the action.

In the end, she was human and every time her scent surrounded me I was reminded of that very fact. But the one thing that was stronger then that primal urge, was the driving need to protect her. I had to trust that.

I had whispered her name and she looked up at me as she hummed in response. She had seemed to sense the change in the air around us, staying still as I moved closer to her. I remembered how her cheeks had flushed before my lips had even found hers.

But that kiss was nothing like this.

Right now I had lost control, but it happened in a way that I had never expected. It happened in a very human way, that I didn't know I was even capable of.

She had pulled me a few steps back, until she was pressed in between the wall and me. I moved as close to her as I could, without a second thought.

Her hands ran through my hair, lightly knotting her fingers into it. My hand had moved to her hip, while the over slid around her waist, slowly moving up her shirt onto the bare skin of her lower back.

I couldn't imagine thinking about anything else but what was happening, about her hands on me and mine on her, about her lips pressed to mine.

All of the thoughts of what could happen disappeared, they were replaced with nothing but a craving to get closer to her.
I could hear footsteps approaching and the distant thoughts of the people making their way towards us, but even that had been moved to the back of my mind, until their light giggles caused Bella to turn her head towards the sound.

"So cute" was all the women said as she quickly passed with her husband. The unexpected audience caused Bella to press her face into my chest and laugh loudly, before looking up at me to shake her head as her cheeks quickly flushed brighter then they had before.

I stood behind her with my arms wrapped around her waist and my head resting on her shoulder, watching as she flicked through the pages of the book. The calm moment I had been in with her allowed my mind to wonder, that was when the memory jumped into my head and formed into a thought that I could not ignore.
It was something I had been thinking about while she was unconscious, after her most recent episode.

- I want to soak her blood in my venom, not to kill her, but to kill what ever it was inside of her,this thing that was putting her through all of this pain. I felt like I was fighting a demon, one that I wanted dead.

It led me to a ludicrous notion, one that had no place in this setting. She was happy, I was happy. But the constant fear of it all being taken away in a split second made it near impossible to let myself get enthralled in the book that she seemed so attracted to.

"I'll be right back" I whispered in her ear before planting a soft kiss on her neck. She hummed in response, never letting her gaze leave the page.

I felt foolish as I approached the counter, but for some reason in amongst that was an overwhelming sense of betrayal, as if thinking such a thing about her was an insult in its self.

"I'm doing some research for a…. essay. I was wondering if you could see if you have any copies of some books for me"

The man nodded and seemed to sense my uneasiness as I looked over my shoulder to see if Bella was still distracted.
"Jot them down and I'll see what I can do" he said sliding a pencil and a scrap of paper across the counter to me. I couldn't bring myself to say the titles out aloud, especially not with her so close by. I didn't want to ask Carlisle to get them for me because he would think it was as ridiculous as I did. But there was stone that had been left unturned and I couldn't have that.

So I began writing, occasionally glancing up to see the uneasy expression on the store owners face as the list grew.

THE LESSER KEY OF SOLOMON

THE ARS GOETIA

DICTIONNAIRE INFERNAL

PSEUDOMONARCHIA DAEMONUM

LE LIVRE DES ESPERITZ

DEMONIC POSSESSION, EXORCISM, & WITCHCRAFT

I Gave the list to the shop owner and watched as he eyed me speciously for a second, before deciding that I didn't look like the kind of kid that was involved in a satanic cult.

I walked back down the isle to find her sitting on the ground with three books in a pile beside her and one in her hand that she was engrossed in. I smiled at the sight as sat down beside her, watching as she looked up at me with a frustrated expression.

"I don't know which one to get" she admitted, clutching the book in her hands while glancing down at the collection beside her. I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head.

"You don't have to, we can get them all"
She mirrored me and shook her head in return. "It's to much. Maybe I'll just-"

"Stop" I said cutting her off and moving close to her plant another kiss on her cheek. She bit her lip and blushed once more, dropping her head.
"So what do we have?" I asked picking up one of the books from her collection.

I listened as she explained her interest in each of her choices, before she decided that it was time to go.
I put her pile of books on the counter and watched at the store owner placed the already full bag on the counter alongside them.
"What did you get?" she questioned casually as her hand slid into mine.
"More research" I responded with a forced smile. It wasn't a lie, but it had festered inside of me as if it was.

On Sunday night she sat by my side watching Citizen Kane, I briefly wondered if she was aware they made movies after the 1940's, before I actually started getting engrossed in the story.

We were only half way through when I noticed how rigid she had become next to me. She had slowly drifted from my side and was now sitting on the edge of the couch.
I don't know why she reacted like this, why the task brought on so much stress. But I aimed to find out what went through her head whenever she was faced with something that was seemingly so simple.

I reached over and lightly rubbed her back hoping it would help calm her. I watched as she let herself enjoy the gesture for a few minutes, before she lifted her self up from her spot and wondered off into the kitchen.

I tried let me attention drift back to the movie. I had told her before that I was happy to leave and give her some privacy, but she always insisted that I stay.

The conversations were quick, both of them seemingly trying to get off the phone as fast as possible and today was be no different.
After the trivial questions were finished and Bella began wrapping up the conversation, her mother said something that made Bella's brow crease and her lips purse.

"That's great Mom"

Her tone was cheery, joyful even. But her eyes fixed straight ahead as if she using all her strength to keep her happy expression in her voice.

As her mother continued to talk, Bella's hardened appearance dropped and her eyes that had been focused on the floor drifted in my direction. She looked down at my feet and suddenly there was nothing but fear and shame in her eyes.

I watched her carefully as she said her goodbyes and and came back over to my side, sitting with both her hands clasped together on her lap.
"Everything ok?" I asked, as if I hadn't heard the whole conversation.

"She's… coming-… She's coming here." Bella said braking half way through to shake her head. I grabbed the remote and stopped the movie, moving closer to her to begin rubbing her back again.

"That's good isn't it? You haven't seen her in months" I questioned carefully, gauging her reaction to my words.

She peered up into my eyes for a brief moment before her gaze fell to my chest and back to her hands that were clenching each other tighter by the second.

"If you want.. I can go while she's here. You can be alone with her if that's what you want" I offered making her brow instantly crease.

"Why would I want that?" she said, obviously offended that I would even suggest it.

"Bella…" I said smiling as she looked up at me.

"What?" she replied as she let out a humorous laugh.

"I know you haven't told her about us" I said carefully, trying to keep my tone light.

"You'll see why" she said hopelessly as she dropped back into the sofa with defeat.

"You think she wont approve?" I questioned curiously, trying to understand what she had meant.

"No, it's not that. She just-.. wont-….get it" Bella said, her brow creasing and her eyes focused on her hands that that she was rubbing together.

I felt the confusion wash over me, not understanding the statement or the dejected way she spoke.

I moved back and angled my body to face her.

I had found in the past weeks, that it was best not to push Bella. It only seemed to make her anxious and make her push me away even more. But this made no sense and I needed to know why she seemed so upset.

"What does that mean? She won't get it" I questioned.

She turned to face me with regret, obviously wishing she hadn't said it.
She let out a sigh and forced a weak smile.
"She's nice. She is. Anyone else would probably like her. But they cant read her mind"

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged and sunk even further into the sofa.

"You'll be able to hear - what I see in her eyes, every time she looks at me"

She said the words as if she was talking to herself, voicing a concern that was far to strong to be kept inside her own head.

I reached out wanting to comfort her when I heard the hopelessness break through her words.

"Bella I don't care what-" I said firmly as I reached out to rest my hand on her shoulder as I spoke.

Before I could finish she quickly shook me of and got up from her spot next to me. I watched as her arms wrapped around herself. I realised then, how long it had been since I saw the protective gesture.

"I'm tired. Let's just go to bed" she said anxiously before hurrying out of the living room and up the stairs.

That night, like every other night, she slept on my chest, laid out over me as I read.
She was so still that I wouldn't have know she had woken up if the flashes of light hadn't stopped. I looked down after realizing her breathing had changed and found her looking up at me in the darkness.
"Are you alright?" I questioned through soft whisper.

"What time is it?" she breathed out so quietly that even I could barely make out the words.

"It's just after 3am, you should go back to sleep" I urged putting the book down and folding my arm around her.

"Will you do something for me?" she asked with a saddened expression that I could never bare to see.

"Anything" I promised.