Edward's POV

It was like a dream.

I didn't know it at the time, but it was dream that I was destined to re-live over and over again.

For someone who never slept, it was a blissful and calming moment in this long and arduous life. It was as if I closed my eyes and made it up in my head. But I doubted that my mind could ever conjure something like this up. Even if it could have, it wouldn't have compared, it would have been lacking the simple sensations that came along with the experience.

The drive there was quiet, but in a way that would be hard to explain.

My mind didn't race like it always did. It was only aware of her by my side.

There were no tormenting thoughts in my mind, no panic over what could happen, or over what horrors lied ahead.

I found myself leaning back in my seat, relaxing into the headrest. I watched her hand that hung lazily out the window. Focusing on how her fingers gently moved to dance with the wind that blew against them.

It was a foolish thought, but a part of me didn't want to stop. I wanted to keep driving, to drag this moment out. As if we could leave everything that was wrong behind us. I wouldn't have to think about how I could lose her. I wouldn't have to get caught in the wonder of what it would be like if I failed her and what it feel like if I didn't have her anymore.

When we arrived she jumped out of the car quickly, as if the sounds of the crashing waves were calling out to her. They were pulling her in with the current and she had no second thought about giving in to them.

I got the blanket from the backseat, then walked over to her side. I had my arm around her shoulder, holding her close, as we made our way onto the sand in the darkness.

When she slowed her pace, I followed her lead and laid the blanket down. I sat down with her and curled my arm around her, urging her to lay beside me.
I moved as close as I could, resting on my side with my face pressed into the warm skin on her neck. I watched her smile as I occasionally planted slow kisses on my favourite spot above her collarbone. I felt her hand slide under my neck to hold me in place, then her fingers ran grazed over the skin below my ear.

We laid there in the dark for hours without a single word, starring up at the stars until the daylight started to slowly appear.

I knew the sun would rise over the horizon and disappear behind the the thick gray clouds that always covered Forks. And she knew it too.

But it was those few minutes when the sun showed its self and lit the ocean up. That small amount of time when it hit us and she would feel it cover her already warmed body, making her eyes close as she relaxed even further into me.

She was like different person down there. It didn't matter how quiet she was, she didn't need to talk for me to notice it. It was how she moved, the curve that stayed on her lips, the way every muscle in her body seemed to relax. She looked comforted and safe, this place seemed to give her that more then anything else could. And I was happy to witness it.

We were five minutes into the scan and I sat along side Carlisle, invading his mind as he assessed the images appearing on the screen.

"Well?" I questioned when his mind suddenly went through a load of medical jargon I didn't understand.

"It's the same as last time Edward" He replied leaning forward in his seat to get a closer look.

"How is this even possible, you've seen what happens to her. How could this have no effect on her brain" I asked watching him shake his head in reply.

"There are high levels of cortisol, we can treat that" Carlisle said while examining the screen, making me roll my eyes.

It had been a long week and the effects of that were starting to become very obvious.

"You cant keep going like this" he added, keeping his eyes on the images as they updated. I was ready to question him when thoughts of me hunting appeared in his mind.

"I'm fine" I said moving my self back into my seat, my shoulders stiffening defensively.
"Your on edge" He thought, knowing I could hear, but I didn't reply.

As usual, he was right, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it and accept the fact that I had no choice but to leave Bella.

"I want to bring her in for another scan early next week…There are some more tests I want to complete to. I can take care of her for a few hours. I suggest you use that time to sought this out. Before it gets out of hand"

Again I didn't reply, instead my sights drifted back over to Bella who laid in the next room.

I watched her stay perfectly still, wondering how many times she had done this exact test before.

The blood tests, CT scans, MRI's…not of it seemed to faze her in the least. They were quite obviously motions she had gone through a hundred times over and she head learned how to distract her self during them.

Each time Carlisle suggested something else he wanted to try, I waited for her to become anxious, frustrated, fearful or even angry. But no, none of that ever happened. I would be the one who brought those emotions to the surface when I told her I was going to have to leave.

I had gotten lucky, a few weeks prior. She was fast asleep with her face nuzzled into the side of my chest, my arm draped around her, rubbing circles into her back as she slept. It was around 2am when I heard the light steps in her backyard.

I got up and made my way down stairs to see the Deer making it's way back into the woods.

It was as if the stars had aligned, no so much for the deer obviously.

But it meant I was able to leave and return back to her in less then an hour, without her even knowing I was gone.

But I was sure I would die of starvation waiting for that to happen again.

Bella's POV (flashback)

"BELLA!"

Max's voice roared across the parking lot to me, making me jump at the harsh tone. Though he would never care when he scared the hell out of me out. In fact, I was sure he got a kick out of it.

I spotted him and ran over to his car. He stood leaning into the jeep looking down at his watch and shaking his head. This was his usual passive way of letting me know that I had kept him waiting once again.
He opened the door for me and flicked his cigarette to the ground, rolling his eyes at my usual lateness, mixed in with a warm and amused smile.

I was sure he thought I did it to annoy him, but that wasn't the case, I really was this useless at sticking to a schedule.

"So, how is Dr. Do-very-little?" he asked as the jeep roared to like.
"Same old, same old" I answered as I went through my handbag looking for my phone.
"Lie through ya teeth?" he asked looking over his shoulder to assess his surroundings before he pulled out of his parking space.
"Yep" I said with a nod as I retrieved my phone.

I had been seeing Dr Diaz since I was 14, he had never been able to help me or see anything wrong with me. So to avoid being labelled crazy… again, we decided it was better to keep my mouth shut.

Anna had assured both me and Max that no good would come from being honest with the doctors or our parents again, so we had to just go with it. After everything that had happened, we had definitely learned our lesson.

The problem was that I felt like it put a horrible strain on Max.
He was thrown into something that he was not prepared for and carried it on his shoulders more then he should have had to.

Max had a protective and loyal nature that was only revealed when he loved you, but unfortunately he was only close to two people. So no one would ever get to know how compassionate he was capable of being.

To everyone else he was just a regular boy, loud, rough and full of smart ass remarks. I couldn't help but feel like the world was missing out on seeing him for who he is, because we had kept him hidden from it.

He had an absentee father, who was his primary caregiver.And though I spent most of my time with Max and had known almost half my life, I could count the times I had talked to his father on one hand.

Max's mother had a whole new family. A son and a daughter who Max rarely spoke of. When he was younger he would leave to visit them, but as he got older those trips became less and less frequent, until he simply stopped making them.

Max's father worked a lot. Max often joked that his fathers job was his one true love, seconded only to his secretary. His father simply seemed to busy for his son and Max allowed him to live his life without any question or disturbance from him.

Because his father was rarely home, it left us with an empty house, meaning I had somewhere to go when ever I felt the pain approaching. On the rare occasion his father was home, they would drive me to the middle of nowhere and wait with me, until it passed.
That was the worst part. Laying in the dirt and wailing around like a dying animal. They didn't deserve to go through that.

It was unfair,

it was horrible,

Yet it was completely necessary.

"Where is she?" I asked as I scrolled through my phone and checked my emails.
"With Lizzie and Chris at the beach."
I nodded in response, as I typed out a reply on my phone.

"You wanna go there, or you want me to take you home?" he asked, casually glancing over at me. The answer would let him know how I was feeling. I loved being able to smile back at him and give him the answer he was hoping for.

"Beach please" I chimed as I locked my phone and chucked it back into my bag.

I knew her friends were there with her and that one by one they would leave, until it was just the three of us.

Sometimes we would stay there all night. I often fell asleep with Anna by my side, but wake with Max pressed between us, absorbing our abnormal body heat to keep him warm.

Anna and I could enjoy the cold breeze that flew of the water, temporarily cooling our overheated bodies. It was as comfortable as I could be, without having to lay on the tiles under a cold shower. And best of all we were together.

When it got dark, the sounds from the ocean got louder. I would listen to the waves crashing into the shoreline, so chaotic that her words would mix into them, until I couldn't separate the sound of it from sound of her voice.

In a very obvious and real way, we had isolated ourselves from everyone, laying out there in the night was proof of that fact. Family, friends, neighbors, teachers, doctors, all of them lived on the other side of the wall we had built.

The horrible thing was, that Anna and our mother once had a great relationship. They had that mother daughter connection. A connection I could never have, not after I had lied to her so much.And in the end it was a connection I didn't want to give her, because she had given up on me when I needed her the most.

We had destroyed the foundations and nothing good could grow between us now.

Anna had made her choice and that choice was to step into a secluded world with me, one my mother was not allowed to enter. One she was not trusted to breach in any way. And my mother knew that. She knew that I had taken Anna away from her, long before she died.And my mothers resentment of that robbery was always laid bare for anyone to see, if they simply took the time to look.

Edward's POV

Her mother wouldn't be here for another week and only planned to stay for a few days. But it had changed everything. Bella had been even quieter then usual, something I didn't think was even possible.

We went to the beach most mornings and I found myself almost running her out the door, because it was the only time she seemed relaxed and even moderately happy.

I leaned into the kitchen bench watching her prepare her dinner. It had been three days since I realized that I needed to hunt and I still hadn't figured out how I was meant to tell her. But also, I hadn't figured out to make her believe that I was coming straight back. I knew Bella was aware that she could trust me, but sometimes it was as though she couldn't help herself but believe the worst would happen. I didn't believe it had anything to do with something I had done. I knew I hadn't been the one to install this distrust. It had been her own experience that had built it. There was very little I could say or do to penetrate a fear that had been built over a life time.

"You wanna watch a movie" I offered as she served the food onto a plate.
"Sure" she whispered barely audible, grabbing her meal and heading into the living room.
This was how it had been since her mother rang. One word answers to everything and a horribly distant look in her eyes. Letting me know that in her head, she was somewhere else.

After she finished eating, she took her usual spot by my side, pressing as much of her burning body into mine as she could, the action was something I had grown very used to. I had gotten so used to it in fact, that I could almost tell when she was running hotter or cooler then usual.

"You feeling ok?" I questioned when as she relaxed her head onto chest.

"I'm fine" she said with a flat tone, instantly dismissing my concern.

"Your warm" I added before lightly kissing her brow. She pulled back slightly to peer up at me. She had a hint of a curve on her lips, it was the closest expression to a smile that I had seen from her in days.
"I'm always warm" she said holding the small grin as she reached up to place her hand on the side of my face.

I don't know why the question seem to ease some of the tension that had been radiating from her. But it had.

She shifted her body up slightly so she could kiss me. Her lips lightly touched mine as if she thought I would break before she pulled away again.

As her lips left mine she looked at me with concern, there was a very obvious distress in her gaze and it made me nervous. It made me sure that I was missing even more then I thought I was.

"Is everything ok Bella? Really?" I asked as the slight frown disappeared and was replaced with the usual forced smile.
"Of course" she said as she rested herself back down, so that I could no longer examine her expression.

I put my arm around her shoulder and began fidgeting with one of her curls anxiously. She was so distracted by her own thoughts, that she didn't seem to be paying attention to the movie, or to me staring down at her.

I didn't have to leave for another two days, but I had put off telling her for too long and I didn't want to just spring it on her. Though, telling her when she was already so shut off, didn't seem like a good idea either.

I had to accept that there was no good way to do this. The only way I could prove to her that I was going to come back, was to do just that. It had been my motto since I met her. Prove her doubts wrong.

I was ready to open my mouth and talk when the sudden bang came from outside. I turned to the direction of the sound as Bella shook her head and paused the movie.
"Damn Raccoon" she muttered under her breath as she slowly pushed herself to her feet.

I watched as she started walking up the stairs, quietly telling me that she would be right back.

I briefly wondered what the raccoon would taste like as I walked outside to move it along, before it started going through the trash can once again.

I opened the screen door and watched as I caught his eye. As usual, my presence scared him off, as it did with most animals.

I stood there for a minute until he disappeared into the woods, rolling my eyes as I picked the trash can back up.

I had only taken one step through the door when I heard Bella's sharp intake of breath, quickly followed by loud thud that echoed through the house.

"Bella?" I yelled out instantly, before running up stairs.

She didn't reply and in the few seconds it took me to get up stairs my mind had already created a hundred scenarios of what could have happened.

I had already prepared myself to find her on the ground.

I had already started kicking myself for not questioning her further about her raising temperature.

Before I walked into her room I could hear her heart beating rapidly and I had no doubts that I would soon hear her scream out in pain. But as I walked through her open door, I found her standing at the end of her bed. Her breathing was so rough that her whole body moved in motion with each rapid intake.
"Bella?" I questioned as I approached her cautiously. She stood with her back to me starring at the ground and as I got closer I could see what had her attention.

The house was full of boxes, her room more so then anywhere else. There were spare rooms that she could have put them in, but she always assured me that she wanted them left where they were.

At the end of her bed there had been three large boxes piled up on top of each other, but now there was only one box. At her feet were the other two boxes, their contents spilled out over the floor, creating a collage of her and Anna's life together.

I watched as her shoulders lifted and dropped as she heaved in each breath. One of her hands was clutching a t-shirt, tightening the fabric in her fist, her other hand was shaking at her side, each of her fingers contorted into a stiffened state, as if she was stuck between leaving the items where they had fallen and shoving them back into the box they had escaped from.

"It's ok" I said as I drew slowly to her side, wanting to get a look at her face before I tried to touch her. She had made no reaction to me coming in, or calling out her name and I wondered if she was even aware of my presence.

Her tear filled eyes darted from left to right, taking in the sight of the books, ornaments and seemingly endless amount of photographs.
"I can-" I offered. moving from her side, my hand gesturing to the scattered belongings. expressing my intention, when her loud pained voice cut me off and froze me in place.
"No. Don't!"

I hadn't noticed how her quite tone and whispered responses had left the house in a hushed lull all week, but now that voice had reared up again it was extinguished, to the point where I couldn't even fully remember what that setting had felt like.

I had seen her cry dozens of times, but it was from a physical pain. It was brought on by agony and torture. I had never seen her like this. I had never seen her this upset, this utterly heartbroken.

Her body began leaning forward as if she was struggling to hold herself upright and I was sure she was seconds from passing out.
There was no doubt in my mind about what was happening right now, all the signs pointed to it.

"Bella" I said softly, moving to her side and lightly running my hand over her clenched and shaking fist.
"Come and sit on the bed Bella. It's ok" I said as I lightly curled my hand around hers, hoping the feel of my skin on hers would help ground her. But in response, her head started shaking at the the thought of moving away from the spot she was cemented in.

"Bella I think your having a panic attack" I kept my voice calm as I moved closer, watching as she took the information in with out any reaction. I knew right then by her expression, that this had happened before. I don't know why I was surprised, she had every right to panic. In fact, the more I thought about it, it was hard to believe that this hadn't happened earlier.

"Were just going to go to the bed ok? That's all" I asked reaching out with my free hand and and placing it on her stomach, ready to steer her away from this spot, so she couldn't keep starring at the sight that had her so distressed.
"No! I can't"
Her words burst out through the shallow breaths and I could see the idea of moving away from here was only making her more anxious. As she continued to chant the words again, I began lowering myself to align my face with hers, curling my arms around her waist, sure she was going to faint or fall at any moment.

"Ok, ok" I whispered, trying to calm her and assure her we weren't going to do anything she didn't want to do.

"We wont go anywhere." I promised, searching the room, as if the answer was somewhere around me.

It wasn't the smartest idea and I definitely knew better, but it didn't seem like I had any other choice.

"How about right here?" I suggested as I began tightening my hold on her.

Her breaths became even more disturbing to hear and I watched as her lip trembled in sync with the rest of her body.

I studied her closely, waiting for some sign that she would agree to move. But her gaze that was focused on the mess before her, now appeared to be looking past all of it. They were caught on something that only her eyes could see. That's when I saw an overwhelming flash of fear cover her face and the tears that were building in her eyes began spilling over her cheeks.

"Listen to me Bella. It's ok. You're ok" I promised firmly, praying my voice would bring her back from the dark place that her mind had wondered off to.
She didn't respond and her eyes stayed fixed on the floor, as if it was opening up to swallow her whole. Without warning, her weight collapsed onto me, allowing me to finally lower us down onto the ground.