Edward POV

"I can't leave her"

The words were spoken through a rough gasp. She had said the words as though she were admitting to a horrible crime. As though she were confessing to something unthinkable.
And as much as I tried, I just couldn't comprehend what those words had meant to her and why she looked so horrified that she had even said them to me.

This was Bella's fear and it had been deep-rooted as long as I had known her. It was the shattering feeling that she would be abandoned and now it seemed that I could add something else to that - The fear of abandoning. The fear that she would leave her sister.

Anna was gone. But yet here she lay on the ground, scattered through belongings, photographs and books. I could smell her into the room all around us. There had always been a trace of her in the air and I knew there were things of Anna's in those boxes. But now that those belongings had been spilled on to the ground, the aroma of Anna fill the room, just as much as I could identify the scent of Bella in it.

They were similar fragrances, though one was bolder and one was sweeter. It was easy to know which belonged to each of the Swan sisters.

I held her against my chest, our legs tangled awkwardly and my chin resting on her shoulder. I kept my mouth to her ear telling her to breathe, telling her to copy the rise and fall of my own chest as it rose into her back. I wanted her to focus on something else, something other then this devastation in front of her. But it seemed that there was no real way to distract Bella from what remained of Anna, especially when it was staring her right in the face.

This was why the boxes never left the room. This was why they had been piled up in here since her arrival. She couldn't put them in another room because it was as if she was pushing what was left of her sister away. And Bella couldn't have that. But she also couldn't unpack them and have Anna staring her in the face each day. She had been doing fine knowing it was all there, but not having to face any of it. I hadn't questioned it. Though I can see now that I should have.

The photo's were everywhere, there were more then should have existed in their short life times and I had a good feeling that I was only seeing a small portion of what existed.

The photo's that I could see, were mostly recent. I guessed they didn't range back further then a few years and most of them were taken at the beach, Bella's favourite place.

I started to realise I had been chasing ghosts with Bella and I didn't even know I was doing it. It hit me then that there was so much I didn't know, and that there was so much more I wanted to know about the girl in my arms.

I could feel her breathing starting to even out slowly, but she still felt rigid and tense in my arms. I could still feel a slight vibration running through her, much more then she usually had. But even so, she was starting to calm down slightly and I wanted to help her to the finish line.

I tilted my head to the side, craning my neck to get a better look at her. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead, just as they had been. But they no longer looked vacant and lost, now they were focused on a particular photo that was lying apart from the others, lying at our feet within reach.

It seemed like it was that photo that was helping Bella calm down, that her focusing on it was soothing her.

I kept one arm wrapped around her, leaving one hand on her hip to rub the soft skin back and forth, hoping to comfort her. The other hand slowly and steadily moved out to reach for the photo. I kept my eyes on her face as I picked the photo up. It didn't seem to make her any more anxious then she already was, so I decided to continue bring it towards us.

Her eyes stayed trained on the photo and mine stayed on hers. I noticed the closer I brought the photo to her, the more I felt those tight muscles in her body begin to ease, even if it was only slightly, it was enough to know that I was moving in the right direction.

I looked over at the photo and couldn't help but smile at the two sisters that were laughing hysterically with their arms tied around each other. Beyond noticing the joyous expressions on their faces I couldn't ignore the obvious matching outfits. Both were wearing identical white t-shirts and jeans, both garments much tighter and fitted then I had ever seen Bella wear.

"Max loved that" Bella whispered, slowly reaching out to lightly trace her shaking finger over the photo, before letting it drop back down to her lap again.

I knew who Max was, I had briefly met the boy when he picked Anna up, but I didn't know anything about him other then the things Anna had told me and the few thoughts I read in his mind during our brief introduction.

I knew that Max and Anna had been together since they were nine and that the boy had played a big role in both Anna and Bella's life. Like most things that had played a major role in Bella's life, he was off limits during our conversations. But right now she had said his name, for the first time since I had met her.

"The photo?" I questioned, trying to assure I kept my tone calm so that she didn't feel any pressure to answer.

She slightly shook her head and then paused, considering the question once more before she shrugged, "Well, he probably did like the photo…He took it"

"But that's not what you were talking about" I pressed, urging her to continue.

The small curve on her lips was so small that no one else would have had noticed it. But it was there.

"He used to get us to dress the same all the time, he thought it was funny to mess with people" The barely visible smile grew slightly, but so did the sadness in her eyes. "He just didn't get it"

"Get what?"

"How they couldn't tell us apart. After a few hours of knowing us, he could always tell which one of us was Anna. Our own mother couldn't do that, not just by looking at us. If we showed her a photo like this she could never pick us out"

Her brow creased and her lower lip shook before she clamped it down in her teeth. "It makes you feel…"

She didn't finish the weak whisper but my mind raced finishing it for her, filling the sentence with words that matched the heartbroken expression on her face.

Inconsequential, invisible, indiscernible… all the things you would never want your mother to see you as.

She had worded the sentence carefully: "he could always tell which one of us was Anna".

It had never been Bella that Max had taken close notice of, it had been Anna. He had known her. He had noticed her. Anna had been so important that he could pick her out of a crowd, even when her exact double was beside her. He could identify Bella from Anna, because there were features and characteristics that Anna had, that Bella didn't. But to notice those things, you would had to have paid attention. You would have to notice the smallest things.

It was a horrible to know that she had felt so insignificant. She knew it could be done, she had seen Max take the time to see it, but he had done it because he was in love with Anna. But no one had taken the time to do it for Bella.

I unwrapped my arm from around her waist and lifted it to tap my finger on the photo. "That's you"

Her body swayed on my lap and her head turned, her eyes instantly falling on my face. She examined my features as though she was looking for signs of deception hidden within my expression. She simply couldn't believe that I could identify the traits that set her apart of Anna.

I weakly smiled at her and looked back to the photos surrounding us and leaned forward to point to another, in which they were both curled up on a sofa together. "That's you"

Then to another of them on the beach. "That's you"

Then to another, where they stood side-on and their faces were barely visible.

"And that's you"

When I looked back to her she was still watching me closely, but she no longer looked uncertain and doubtful.

I reached up and rested my open palm to the side of her face and ran my thumb over the tears that stained her cheeks. Then I glided my hand down her jaw, before resting my hand under her chin, tilting her face further up to mine.

I could see fresh tears welling in her eyes but they were the kind that I could stand to see there. The faint smile had disappeared and was replaced with a solace, brought forth by something that may have seemed so small to most people. But this was important to Bella.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead, her cheek and her lips with lingering, tender kisses that she melted into, shedding the remains of the tension that she'd had minutes before, as I rested my brow against hers.
"I see you Bella"

Bella's POV (Flashback)

"You're being a bitch" Max pointed out as he drew another card from the deck.

"That's funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you" I murmured as I inspected my cards one last time.

"Just come with us" he urged, trying to hide his frustration as he laid his cards on the table. "Three of a kind"

I tossed my cards down on the table for him to see. "Full house" I said with very little enthusiasm as I reached for the deck to start shuffling them.

Anna told us both that she was busy, but offered very little information other then that before she took Max's jeep and fled. That left us both here, sitting on my bed, playing our hundredth game of poker for the afternoon, and most likely our millionth game since I had met Max.

I could feel him watching me, waiting for my reply. He was patient, he could wait me out.

I finished shuffling and sighed heavily, sure I could feel his eyes burning into me.

"You'll have more fun without me" I added as I started dealing the cards out again.

He rolled his eyes smiled smugly. "Its your birthday party. That's why their having the party" he spat out with a laugh, as though I was being ridiculous.

I rolled my eyes up from my cards to look at him. "Their having the party for Anna, and it's fine, really. I just want to stay home and I want you to take her out and have a good time"

He groaned loudly and I kept my eyes on the cards that I was arranging in my hand .

"Their our friend Bells. We'll eat poorly baked cake, drink cheap beer, listen to shitty music. You'll have a good time"

"Their Anna's friends. Your friends. They don't even like me and it doesn't bother me."

"They don't-.. hate you" he said with an odd pitch rolling in his tone..

I shrugged. I didn't really think they hated me. The simply didn't care for me, they spent time with me because they wanted to be with Anna and that was just fine with me. "They'd be happier if I didn't show up. No one would have to feign interest in me and they wouldn't have to pretend they care that's it's my birthday. I wouldn't have to be wonder what their thinking"

Max groaned once more and I could hear his frustration growing in the sound.

"Your the most distrusting person on this planet" he growled through a clenched jaw with his hard eyes fixed on his cards. I barely had a second to respond to the statement before his face quickly softened and he looked up at me with more regret then I was comfortable seeing.

"I shouldn't have said that" he said quickly, obviously wishing he could take back the words.

I didn't look up, but I could feel his eyes locked on me as I nervously gnawed at my lower lip."It's fine"

"No, It's not. I'm sorry Bells" he said firmly.

I shook my head, paying far to much attention to the five cards I was holding."You don't have to apologise, your right-"

Before I'd even finished speaking he had leaned forward and lightly placed his fingers on my knee, momentarily stunning me into silence. I looked up and found his eyes settled on mine.

"And I know you've got your reasons. I shouldn't have said it. It was an ass-hole move to throw it in your face"

Edward's POV

"It will only be for a few hours" I promised as I held the large canvas against the wall.

"To the left" Bella asked, tilting her head to the side and scrunching her lips.

I moved the painting and watched her reaction to the new position.

"I'll be back here shortly after you and Carlisle finish up at the hospital"

Bella's brow raised and she smiled widely at my reasoning."It's ok. Like I said- twice now. It's fine."

I stood there watching her, waiting for her to give me a sign that she uncomfortable. But she really did seem fine and she had now assured me of that three times now.

"That's perfect, right there" She said with a firm nod and I nodded in reply.
I pressed the hooks into the wall and hung the painting in the spot she had chosen, while she began placing the collection of new cushions onto the sofa.

I watched her for a moment, moving the cushions and throw rug over the sofa, stepping back from it to every few seconds to get a clear view of her arrangement.

"I should have said something sooner"

She turned to look at me smiling sweetly before making her way over to me.

Her arms reached up and hung loosely over my shoulders as my hands found her hips.

"Stop feeling guilty. I'm fine. You're fine. Everything is-"

"Fine?" I offered cutting her off. She smiled at me and nodded, standing up on the tips of her toes to meet her lips with mine.

The chased kiss was soft and I could feel her smile lingering in it. But I couldn't enjoy it.

There was no denying the burning in my throat anymore, I couldn't ignore it and I couldn't bare the idea of putting it off any longer. And though Bella had taken the information much better then I had thought she would, I could feel uncertainty coming off her, but she was working to ignore those feelings. Just like she was working on ignoring everything else.

"What if we put the La Mariée there? Do you think that would be ok?"
I nodded instantly and grabbed more hooks from the coffee table then picked up the framed print that was quite obviously one of Bella's favourites. I was sure of it now when she decided to make it the centrepiece of the entire room.

We had spent the morning shopping, carefully picking out things that Bella thought would make good additions to the house.

Bella said she needed to create a homely atmosphere before her mothers visit. I wished Bella had done something like this for her own benefit, but I knew ultimately she would benefit from it. She clearly picked out things that sparked her interest, so it wasn't completely for her mothers sake. She also seemed to be enjoying the decorating and I didn't mind it either. There was something very domestic and ordinary about the task, and I liked how that felt.

That calmness we were surrounded by now had been something that Bella had been working towards since she woke this morning. She wanted to put the events of yesterday behind her and move forward. But I had to wonder if that was a good idea.

This seemed to be something Bella did a lot of. She wanted to ignore everything that was wrong, but it was an impossible task. I knew if she continued on suppressing everything that the panic attacks would become more frequent and I didn't want that for her, especially if it could be helped.

The painful episodes Bella suffered from were unavoidable at the moment, I didn't know what they were or how to stop them. But I could help her with her anxiety.

I could help her work towards assuring that the time she had between episodes didn't have the dark cloud of possible panic attacks hanging over them. She didn't deserve to have that time taken away from her too.