"So, how was the weekend?" Emma asked as Jess gathered up her things for them to go for lunch. She was home for a few days to visit before heading back to college.
"It was good! The eventing day was amazing and the Fun Day was the best! Trent, Brock and Scott even showed up! Can you believe it?"
Laughing, Emma nodded, "Yeah, actually I really can."
"How was your weekend?" Jess asked in turn as they headed for her car.
"It was…interesting. Dad didn't expect me home even though I told him weeks ago I was coming. So that was a little awkward."
"Oh?"
"He had a…lady friend over."
"Oh." Jess cringed. "That is not an image I needed."
"Yeah, me neither. At least you didn't have to high tail it out of there!" Emma put her seatbelt on and they started on their way to their favorite place. "He could hardly look me in the eye later."
"Ugh," Jess shook her head. "I'm beyond happy that nothing like that has ever happened with Scott. I would probably move out and never be able to look at him again because I would be mortified."
"Awww," Emma grinned at her and tilted her head. "I've always had the sense Uncle Scott is really subtle about those kinds of things and I once overheard Uncle Ray saying something about how they would never know if he had a girl or not half the time. Uncle Trent said in the same conversation that he rarely hooks up anymore and never brings a girl back to his home unless he's serious about it."
"Well, that's a relief," Jess said drily.
"You are too funny." Emma laughed. "I'm glad you aren't at Ingrid anymore though. That sounded awful."
"Yup. Not a lot of subtlety went on there. Really easy to hear everything without some earplugs." Jess cast a quick look at Emma. "How's your new living situation? Still in the apartment?"
"Yeah! It's really good and the girl I'm sharing it with is amazing. We get along really well!"
"Oh good! I'm so glad to hear that."
"Yeah!"
Emma started to chat away about more of her courses and how the semester was going while they grabbed lunch and headed for the beach.
It was a cool day with a steady wind and crashing waves. Jess was glad she still had one of Scott's hoodies in her car to put over top of her own. She'd be freezing without it right now.
"So," Emma picked up the conversation again after a brief quiet between them. "What's new with you?"
"Ahhh…I might be going on a research trip!"
"Really!?"
"Yeah! To the Amazon!"
"Oh my gosh, Jess that's amazing! Congratulations!"
"Thanks! I'm just waiting for Scott to…you know…make sure it all checks out before I accept. Deadline is Thursday to let my teachers know if I'm going to do it."
"If Uncle Scott is even half like dad, he's gonna leave no stone unturned and have it figured out in the nick of time."
"I know," Jess flicked up the hood of the sweater and squinted out at the rolling water. "I'm lucky to have people like him to make sure it's ok. I really want to go."
"Oh, it would be right up your ally!" Emma tossed her hair and grinned, "Me on the other hand? I have no interest going anywhere near the jungle. I've heard horror stories from dad and Uncle Sonny."
"Yeah, I bet!"
Emma took a drink and folded up the packaging for her sandwich.
"How has dad reacted to your trip?"
"Ahhh…I don't know."
"Everything ok between you two?"
Jess went quiet, shivering a little and hugging her arms around herself while gently stomping her toes in the sand at their feet. Eventually she answered.
"I don't know. We've hardly spoken since…well, since he pulled this thing weeks ago."
"Pull what thing?"
"He…he played at being super controlling and passive aggressive about me going riding and having to be supervised because Clay and I got drunk the night before and no one knew where we were, blah blah blah," Jess shifted uncomfortably, "So he decided I needed babysitting and the whole lot of them followed me to the barn and then he just…kept being kind of a dick about questioning everything I was doing as if I was five and needed his approval, and then when I finally called him out on it he was 'good girl! Don't let me push you around like that'."
"Awwwww, the dumbass…" Emma facepalmed. "He pulled the 'military dad tough love' shit on you…aw, Jess, I'm so sorry. He's such an idiot!"
"I know…and I yelled at him, and was super mad, and…and…" Tears started to creep in and Jess looked away. "And then we talked, and he said it was my choice if I wanted him in my life anymore and- but then now any time I try to talk to him he's just…cold."
"What?!"
"Yeah, like the last time was at the Bulkhead and it was so awkward and he hardly said two words. I think…I think I screwed it all up, Emma, and I don't think…that your dad…"
"If you're about to say you think he doesn't love you anymore that's horse shit."
Lips wobbling, Jess blinking hard while wiping at her eyes.
"I don't think so."
"Jess…seriously. Look," Emma scooted closer and wrapped an arm around Jess's shoulders. "Dad is an idiot and he's really emotionally stunted. He's also stubborn as hell, like you. So, sister dearest, you need to get it out of your head that he's upset with you and talk to him again. Like really talk to him. He's probably just being a martyr and punishing himself."
Tears dripped off the end of her nose as she stared into the sand and Jess drew a shuddering breath.
"You'll always be a sister to me, Emma."
"You don't really have much of a choice being mine. Dad's literally already told Mikey and I that he adopted you and you're our big sister now. In everything but legal papers, you're our family, Jess."
Jess hiccupped back a sob and looked at Emma miserably, "I really do love you guys."
"And we love you too. Dad loves you. Talk to him. Take the first step. If he put the ball in your court then-"
"I already tried talking to him!" Emma interrupted with a frustrated, croaking whisper as she looked up at the sky. "I told you! I walked up to him at the Bulkhead and said 'Hi' and he just…hardly said two words and walked away! Whatever he said before, right after I got mad at him about it all being ok and that he was just going to give me space until I decided if I wanted him in my life anymore, he's clearly changed his mind and decided this is what it's gonna be from now on."
"Jess, I think you need to talk to him again…in a different setting."
"No." Jess shook her head, setting her jaw and wiping angrily at her eyes. "No, I'm not doing that. I'm done with begging people to stay in my life. I'm done with trying to convince father figures that I'm worth the time and the effort. I'm just…I'm done. I'm so tired. And it's not to say I don't love you're dad, please don't think that! Because I really really do and he's been more a father to me in the last year than anyone has been in so long, what with the looking out for me, and showing up when I needed him, building me up when I was broken, taking me for lunch and buying food way more times than he needed to…giving me those dumb pep talks of his that are so great and insensitive all at once, being a dad …but…I can't. I can't keep doing this with people. I can't keep waiting around, guessing, and wondering, and hoping ."
"Jess…I feel like this is coming from somewhere else…" Emma rubbed her shoulders. "Not just this thing with Dad."
Jess sniffed and took a sip of her tea.
"My own dad just stood me up for like, the twelfth time in a row for just a phone chat and my brother, who I thought had been turning over a new leaf, just up and stopped talking to me after I met him for lunch last week."
Nodding with acceptance, Emma murmured, "That's shitty."
"Yeah. Just a little bit. Sorry. I'm such a wet blanket and this stuff about your dad isn't your problem."
"Jess, I was raised by the man, I know what he's like. I'm sorry he's brought out some of his worst traits lately. You don't deserve that, especially when you don't have the security of all the good times with him to fall back onto."
"It's ok. Not your fault."
"I know, but I wish I'd known sooner. I could have helped."
"Not your issue to deal with, but I appreciate the sentiment." Jess scrubbed at her face with both oversized sleeves and heaved a big breath. "Ok. Better topics. Any boys yet?"
"Well…now that you mention it…"
"Ohhh…spillll girl!"
When Jess got home she was peopled out and deep in thought while she cleaned sand from her feet at the door and then traveled into the rest of the house.
After the long conversation with Emma about her first semester at school, Jess went on a long trip through her own experiences of leaving home for the first time. They were not nearly as comfortable or secure.
It all flooded her mind. The uncertainty, stress, work and the constant grind to stay afloat in those years basically up until the point she met Scott.
Big, tough, terrifying Scott.
When she thought about how much apprehension and even fear she had of him in those early days, the constant worry and doubt that he wasn't who he said he was, Jess wished she could go back in time and tell herself it would all be ok. That he'd scoop her out of that life and shelter her as she stepped into a new one.
Yeah. It was crazy to think how far they'd come when she thought of that pivotal moment of fully trusting him.
Overwhelmed by the sense of closeness and love for her protector (past and present), Jess crossed the room suddenly and walked right into Scott as he came out of his room, wrapping her arms around his middle and pressing her head into his chest, squeezing tightly.
There was only a second delay before Scott returned the hug, enveloping her in his larger limbs.
"What's goin on, pipsqueak?"
"Nothing. Just…remember that time my truckie wouldn't start at the Bulkhead, and you gave me a ride home, but I was kinda scared that you weren't a safe person?"
"Yes." Scott's voice went quiet and took on an edge. "I remember that very clearly. I especially remember the part where you followed me into a dark alley, alone, and got in my truck. Then I had to drag the truth out of you because you were more than just kinda scared and then I gave you shit for putting yourself in that situation."
A foolish smile spread across her face as Scott's arms tightened and Jess relaxed into him more, closing her eyes, "Yup. I'm just really glad that you are you, and that I was safe, and I'm sorry for being scared of you."
"Don't ever put yourself in that situation again, got it?!"
"I won't! And my initial instincts about you were right!"
"Really," His tone was dripping with sarcasm when he said that word. "Because I thought your initial instincts told you I hated you and was going to bury you alive or eat you for breakfast."
"Ok, ok, the OTHER initial instincts!"
"Which ones were those?"
"That you were a good person and actually going to take care of me? I was right about that."
"Hm." Scott grumbled a nonverbal reply under his breath and tightened his hold one last time before gruffly shoving her away. "Come on. We got shit to talk about with this trip of yours coming up."
"Wait…I'm going?!" Jess stared up at him, dumbfounded. She'd anticipated him shooting down the trip.
"Security seems pretty good," Scott said with a neutral expression. "Accommodations check out as well as travel plans. So do the plans for food and water. I have a list of stuff you are taking with you though. Trent's making a first aid kit, Clay's gonna tutor you in Spanish and Portuguese for the next while, and Lisa is getting you some clothes to wear while you're out there."
"But-"
"Nope. Already done. You wanna avoid getting bit by anything, trust me. This one time I got bit by a spider when we were on a mission in the jungle and it was excruciatingly painful. Don't want that for you, kid. You're getting the right clothing to minimize chances of that and everything you need to deal with it if that happens. I also have a list of rules for you."
"Ok," Jess followed him to the table and sat down next to him as he started flicking through a stack of papers and notes he'd made. She could hardly read his writing which was weird. He normally had a really neat script, making her wonder if he'd done it on purpose so she couldn't read his notes.
"Looks like you'll be staying in a few different Lodges. I asked Mandy to look into them and they all checked out," Scott began, pointing at the locations on the schedule page. "It should be relatively safe there, but I want you to remember a few things for me, ok?"
"Alright?"
"Don't accept drinks from anyone outside your group, even if the seal is intact. This includes water bottles. Don't, under any circumstance, accept a ride from anyone outside your group, even if they say they've been sent to pick you up."
"Ok, yeah I can remember those."
"I got more."
"Oh."
"No wandering away from your group. I don't care how shining the rock is or how cute the animal is or how rare and interesting the plant is. You stick with your people, got it?"
"I'm not a toddler!" Jess protested, cheeks heating just a little. "I don't wander off!"
Scott gave her a long, hard look and raised an eyebrow.
"What!? I don't!"
"Interesting. So why did we nearly organize a search party the last time you came hiking with the boys and me?"
"Ok, but that was not the same thing! I told Clay I was going off the trail to use the bathroom! He knew where I was!"
"Uh huh. And then what happened?" Scott growled.
"I got a little distracted, that's all!" She sighed and leaned her cheek in her palm.
"You'd walked a good ten minutes from where we were. That's not just a little distracted. That's 'I chase butterflies and rainbows while looking for unicorns' distracted." Scott shook his head and grumbled. "If Brock hadn't brought Cerberus Jason would have been frantic."
"For the last time it wasn't a butterfly! It was a Raven and then I saw this really cool growth of trees and then after that it was finding this perfect location for moss species!"
"Jess, you are just further making my point here. Do. Not. Wander."
"Alright!" Jess knew she sounded like a grumpy teenager now as she slumped dramatically on teh table. "I won't wander!"
"I want you to keep someone from the security team in your line of sight at all times."
Making a face, Jess said, "That's gonna be hard to do when I'm using the bathroom and sleeping."
"You know what I mean."
"Ok! I'll follow your rules!" Jess started chewing her lower lip, staring at the pages in front of him.
"What's wrong." Scott asked, hardly looking up from frowning at his notes.
"Nothing!"
"I know that face. What's wrong."
"Is this a good idea?" Jess asked seriously, hating the amount of anxiety growing in her stomach the more reality set in that she could be going on this wild, crazy adventure. "Going on this trip?"
"So far as I've been able to tell, it's got all the bases covered for safety. You should be more or less safe." Scott answered with careful neutrality that wasn't lost on her.
"But should I really be going?" Jess pressed quietly.
"That is your decision. I'm not making it for you."
"But you have an opinion already, I can tell."
Deflecting as he got up to get a drink from the kitchen, Scott said gruffly, "Weigh the pro's and con's, then make the decision."
Knowing by now she wouldn't get anything more out of him, Jess gave up and started reading through the package again.
Hours later, when Scott and the boys got spun up, Jess was over at Ray and Naima's for dinner.
By this point Jess was starting to talk herself out of going on the trip and Naima was patiently sitting next to her after the kids went to bed, working through the pro's and con's with her.
It was pretty obvious that the things Jess wanted out of the trip outweighed the reasons not to go, on paper.
"I'm just not sure I have what it takes to actually do this trip, Naima! I'm not the most organized person in the universe and I don't know a thing about traveling. I've only been to Mexico once and I was twelve!"
"The good news is that you have a whole family of experienced travelers who can make sure you have everything and anything you will need for the trip." Naimia assured her. "And I'll start getting your vaccines figured out and book you a date. You for sure are going to need Malaria and Rabies, probably make sure all the rest are up to date too. Nevermind the sheet they gave you. I'll make sure you get everything you need and then some."
"R-really? Naima you don't have to do that I can call the doctors and-"
"Honey, we both know you're already overwhelmed with how much you need to get sorted out before you go and that you hate making phone calls. Let me help."
"If you're sure, I mean, you have so much else to do already!"
"It's easily done when you know what to ask and say. Leave it with me. I'll get it sorted out."
"I still don't know if I should do it."
"Jess, honey, you were all a glow when you started talking about the plants and the research potential some of the samples might have for curing diseases. It's not hard to tell you're passionate about this." The older woman gave her a warm side hug and got up to make them some tea. "Sleep on it for a few days. You've got till Thursday to decide."
"Ok. I'll give it a few days, then decide."
"That sounds like a good plan," Naima agreed, pouring the hot water and bringing the cups. "Now…how about that movie? I'm dying to put my feet up and I think I know of this one that is right up our alley!"
"Sure! That sounds great!" Jess paused as they headed to the couch. "Could..ah…could I crash on your couch tonight? I always hate going home to an empty house when Scott was there when I left. It's a weird…quirk…I guess."
"Of course!"
"I'll have to leave really early though. I have work in the morning."
"You know where to find everything in the fridge. Have something to eat before you go."
The 'simple mission' ended up taking three days by the time they got home again.
Metal was annoyed, tired and looking forward to being back in his own space again. Jason had been acting weird with him the whole mission and it was getting on his nerves. He needed some distance before he addressed it or he'd probably land him on his ass again.
Unfortunately, Jason had other ideas and the moment he had the opportunity to corner him, alone, he took it.
"What hell is this about Jess going to the Amazon!?"
"Research trip," Metal answered, not liking the tone Jason was using with him and barely biting back an equally irritable energy. "Didn't you know?"
"No, Metal, I didn't know." Jason snapped.
"Ok, well, now you know. She's going on a ten day trip with the school. It's a great opportunity, she's really excited about it."
"Yeah? Well, that's just great." Sarcasm dripped heavily now. "What about the part where we talk her out of going ?!"
More than done, Metal said firmly, "We are not having this conversation."
"The hell we aren't!" Jason raged, following him into the cages. "You're supposed to be looking out for her! Why is she still going?"
Metal turned a steely glare on Jason and the man had the sense to back out of his cage a pace.
"We don't dictate what Jess does or doesn't do." He stated coldly. "Or have you forgotten why you and Jess aren't on speaking terms right now? Trent and I did an assessment and vetted the trip carefully. It's as safe as it can be. This is important to Jess. I'm supporting her whether I like it or not."
"You cannot convince me that you are alright with this, Metal. I know you better than that." Jason said, starting to pace outside the cage like a dog. "At least tell me you've been prepping her for this thing and not letting her just figure it out? You're making sure she's got what she needs and knows what not to do while she's down there? How to stay safe?"
Snorting sarcastically, Metal started moving things around his space with a little more force than necessary, "No, Jason. I'm just letting her figure it out , our Jess, the one who can burn a kitchen down by boiling water and has no sense of time or self preservation. I'm absolutely just saying, 'Go for it kid!' and not getting involved."
"Come on! What do you want from me!?" Jason snapped again, this time fuming with rage as he paced. "I've been out of her life ever since I screwed it all up, but it doesn't mean I don't love the kid like she was my own!"
"I know that, but you're being an ass about it all. You could have reached out weeks ago and found this all out first hand when it came up. Instead you're letting her think you're done with her."
Jason paused mid step.
"She really think that?"
There was a strain to those words that satisfied Metal.
Not sugar coating it, he answered, "Yeah, Jason. She really does. She's had enough people let her down in life to not know how to think any differently."
The man flicked a guilty look over to him and resumed pacing, rubbing his chin and resting a hand on his hip.
"She have enough money for the trip?"
"Yes."
"Vaccines?"
"Naima is taking care of that one."
"Clothing and a proper bag?"
"I've already got half the things she needs together, stashed in one of my packs. She'll have everything she needs and I'll recheck it a few days before she goes."
"Language?"
"Clay's tutoring her."
"She know who to call if she gets into trouble?"
"Mandy's going to make sure she's got a SAT phone for emergencies right before she leaves and she's got a number as well to call if Jess gets into trouble and needs immediate help."
"What is the security plan like? Where are they staying?"
"It's adequate. I called in a few favors and my buddy Rob is going with them on the detail."
Jason paused in his stride again and his worried scowl eased a little. "You tell Jess that one yet?"
"It's a new development. She doesn't know yet," Metal admitted. "You really think I would let her go down there without taking every step I can to make sure she stays safe?"
It was Jason's turn to snort and he shook his head. "Alright…ok. You make your point. I should know better."
"Yeah, you should," Metal relaxed a bit, but he couldn't shake the irritation at the man as he headed out of his cage, ready to leave for home. "Talk to Jess, for fuck sake. She's already got enough shit going on with her dad being a dick and her brother ghosting her out of the blue. She doesn't need this martyrdom from you too."
He could hear Jason swear loudly just as the door closed and something in Bravo 1's cage got crash against the sides.
There was a part of him that wanted to feel glad about that, happy that he got under the other man's skin, but instead he just felt tired and prayed this was going to end soon. He really did hate interpersonal drama.
As expected, when he got home, Jess's car was in the driveway and he pulled in next to it.
He'd grudgingly admit that he liked having someone at home when he got back. Jess's spirit was a warm, comforting and bright one to be around.
Things took a turn though when he got in the door.
Everything was as it should be, except for the fact there was a dog bed, a bunch of dog toys, and a very small dog standing in the middle of his sitting room as he came in.
The tan colored dog and he stared at each other right before it started to bark.
"Jess!?" He called, staying where he was as the little fur ball went haywire.
"Lola! It's ok! Shhhh!" Jess came sprinting in and scooped up the small dog. "Hi! I'm so sorry, but ahhhh, I kinda picked up a side gig? Promise it's only for a night and I tried to call you to ask before I took the job but there was a short window to accept and I really wanted the extra-."
"Is that little rat gonna bark at me the whole time?" Metal asked, raising his voice over the yipping and growling.
"No! Here!" Jess dug in her pockets. "She'll be quiet if you give her this."
"Sure she won't just bite me?" Metal asked, a headache forming behind his eyes as he slowly approached.
"She won't…probably," Jess got closer and held out some pieces of dried liver. "She's really sweet when she calms down! I promise!"
Not comforted and ready to pull his hand back if he needed to, Metal offered the liver and, just as Jess promised, Lola shut up with one final, suspicious growl.
"Is this ok?" Jess asked him, deep apology and worry in those big eyes as she stared up at him, cradling Lola against her chest under her chin.
"Dog sitting as a side gig?"
"Yeah."
"How much are you charging?"
"$50 a night."
"Not bad. What's the going rate?"
"My boss said I could charge as much as $80 and still be low balling it because it's basically a premium service, because the dog has me to themselves and can come with me to work and doesn't have to be locked up in a kennel, I'm monitoring them the whole time and they don't have the same stress."
"Ok. So next time, charge the $80 and just make sure you don't bring any dogs here that will destroy the place."
"Really?"
"Uh huh." Metal headed for his room, wondering just how much he would regret this.
A few hours later Jess walked out of her room after hyper focusing on a project, looking for Lola. She had been on her bed last she checked. The 'little rat', as Scott dubbed her, was found curled up on the big man's stomach sleeping while he watched TV, half asleep himself.
The temptation to take a picture was irresistible.
Jess slipped out her phone and flicked to the camera, grinning from ear to ear.
"Don't even think about it." Scott growled, slowly sliding his glare over to her.
"Too late." Jess giggled, putting her phone back in her pocket.
"You're lucky I'm comfortable, or I'd be coming over there and delete that myself."
"You'd have to catch me first!" Jess shot back with sass.
Scott's eyelids lifted more and he half raised his head off the pillows, "You looking for trouble? Cause I ain't that comfortable. I will come after you if you keep that up."
A nervous giggle escaped her and Jess couldn't help herself.
"You'd still have to catch me."
There was a tense moment where Jess thought for sure he was going to come up off that couch, but then he snorted and closed his eyes instead.
"You're gonna regret that," He told her confidently. "Just you wait."
Trying a new tactic just to see how far she could push it, because Pauline couldn't be right that she could get away with anything, Jess let her expression shift to puppy eyes and she said in a sad voice, "Are you threatening me?"
Opening one eye, Scott scanned her and then closed it again.
"Don't you have homework or something?" He answered, not even acknowledging what she just tried to pull.
Brow furrowing, Jess tilted her head to the side and chewed her lip, considering.
"Scott? Do I really get away with more than most people do with you?"
Not opening his eyes, Scott answered completely deadpan, "It's cute that you're just figuring this out now and don't even think about pushing your luck. Go get your fuckin homework done, I don't want have to deal with stressed out Jess who left her shit to the last minute again."
"Why?"
"Why what?" Scott growled.
"Why do I get away with more?"
Those lids lifted a fraction again and Metal absentmindedly started to run his palm over Lola's back. She could have fit in his whole hand if he picked her up.
"You're someone to protect and nurture, Jess, not intimidate or challenge. You'll always get away with more than most people I know purely because you are not like most people I know."
"Oh." Jess frowned as she took it in. "I guess that makes sense."
"I can go Full Metal on you more often if you're feeling left out-"
"Nope! I'm good with Scott coming home and hanging out with me, thanks! I'll let you know when I need Full Metal."
"One and the same, pips." Scott sighed, rubbing his eyes with one hand. "Now go get that project done."
"How'd you know I was doing a project?"
"Your knee bounces when you're doing homework and you have a tendency to talk out loud when you're lost in your own little world."
"Huh. Alright then!" Jess came and flopped on the other couch, curling into a ball.
"That is not getting back to work."
"I'm tired."
"Then go to bed."
"I could tell you to do the same thing!"
"Yeah, you could, but then who will stop this little rat from barking at every tiny sound all night?"
"Oh…true. I wondered why she was so quiet out here."
Scott made a noncommittal grumbling noise and Jess quieted down. She knew he was coming to the end of his patience.
Still unable to help herself, it was a lonely couple of days without him home, Jess started talking again.
"I accepted the spot on the team."
"Figured you would." Scott answered quietly, soundly half asleep again.
"I made a pro's and con's list, like you said to and then I slept on it like Naima suggested."
"Do you feel good about the decision?"
"I think so. I'm nervous though."
"You'll be fine. Won't let anything happen to you."
Snorting softly with affection, Jess glanced at Scott.
"You can't promise that."
"Fine." Scott was lagging in his replies now and his breathing deepened. "I'll promise to always come get you, no matter what."
Warmth flooded Jess's chest and she thought it might burst as she said quietly, "I believe you."
It was Tuesday of the following week when Jess walked out of class for her one break and found Jason waiting for her in the hallway.
To say she was stunned to see him there was an understatement. They'd hardly seen each other since the 'incident' and spoken little.
When she stayed frozen for a little too long with her classmates going around her in the hallway, Jason made his way to her instead.
"Hey," He said, almost too lightly. It didn't fit the air around him or the emotions swirling in his dark eyes as he looked her over. "Have you eaten recently?"
"Ah…no."
"Let me take you to lunch?"
It felt weird, the way he actually phrased it as a question. Usually he just told her they were going for lunch.
All the same, Jess heard herself say, "Ok."
As they headed for the parking lot just behind the building she'd been in, Jason asked, "How are classes going?"
"They're good," Jess answered automatically.
"Not long now before you're into final's?"
"Couple weeks. It's going by really fast."
"Yeah." Jason held the door for her and vaguely pointed at the left side of the parking lot, saying, "We'll take my truck."
"Ok."
Falling silent, Jess fought back the confusing, overwhelming torrent of emotion in her chest.
Jason seemed to accept her silence, or at least not know what to do with it so they had an awkward drive to their usual spot.
Jess ordered on autopilot and really wasn't that hungry with the amount of anxiety turning her stomach.
Oddly enough Jason hardly touched his meal too and they both ended up taking it with them.
Once they were outside again, walking to the truck so Jess could get to her next class, Jason stopped her.
"Alright. Look. I talked to Emma."
Jess's first emotion to burst was anger.
"Of course you did."
Jason ignored the edged tone she used and plowed ahead.
"She said you think I'm done with you, and that I'm not willing to fight for you, and that I'm finished with you being my daughter."
"Well, aren't you?!" Jess bit out, hating that she was lashing out and not knowing how to stop.
"NO!" Jason crossed his arms tightly across his chest and clenched his jaw. "I'm not!"
Gritting her teeth, Jess couldn't make eye contact as she said coldly, "Are you sure it's not just pity? You suddenly being back in my life again and right after I told Emma all the stuff about my family being assholes?"
"It's not pity," Jason answered, his own irritation surfacing now as he bounced on his toes and watched her. "I'm taking the step because I care about you, and I love you, and I want to make sure you know I'm not done with you and you don't need to convince me that you're worth the time and love because I already know you are!"
Blinking rapidly, Jess worked harder at keeping that traitorous sob from finding it's way out.
"I don't know if I can believe you or not." She muttered through wobbling lips. "I've got a lot of abandonment issues right now and…I can't! I can't trust you right now and I'm sorry!"
"That's fine!" Jason's tone softened suddenly, all anger and frustration getting chase away as he took a step closer and hesitantly set his hands on her shoulders, trying to make eye contact. "I'll keep telling you, and showing you until you do! I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to. I should have listened to Ray and Scott weeks ago and cleared this up. I'm sorry. And I can't promise I won't screw up again, but I'll always try to make it right. You have my word."
The dam broke, and Jess walked the last few steps into his arms, unable to form words or explain the complicated explosion inside her.
Parents tended to have that effect on her but this one, for all his faults, had the advantage of actually caring and there was a good chance he would succeed in convincing Jess of that in time.