Chapter 16: And I swear that everyday you'll get better, You make me feel this way somehow
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Danny smiled as Frankie ran off with the wooden toy soldier that Danny had just finished carving, feeling everything in him relax. Mike had been right. Frankie loved hearing about his Grandpa Green and how he taught Danny to whittle. And that wasn't the only thing that Mike was right about. Frankie was fine — mostly. There had been one particular painful moment when Frankie asked if Danny was going to leave again because he was mad at him.
Keeping one eye on Frankie, Danny walked over to where Kara stood, staring into the distance. She jumped when he approached, and he noticed that she seemed off. Pale, circles under her eyes, even more serious than usual. Danny gave her his best smile, the one he knew she couldn't resist. "Frankie loved the soldier."
But instead of smiling back, Kara's eyes flickered to the slide where Frankie was playing. "Yes, he did."
"I was thinking about ice cream next," Danny continued, somewhat startled by the distinct lack of warmth. Kara had never been openly affectionate but this... Danny didn't know what this was — and given that they had been together for almost six years, that was saying something. Oddly, the only time he remembered her being this distant was back after Gitmo. Danny ignored the chill fighting its way up his spine. Their current situation was nothing like the situation after Gitmo, when they couldn't be together. This, what they were going through right now, was just a bump. "You game?"
Kara glanced at Frankie again. "Why don't you take him by yourself?"
"Do you have work to do?" Danny asked, feeling more and more off-balance. What the hell was going on?
"Frankie would enjoy it," Kara continued as though Danny hadn't spoken. "And it would be good for the two of you to spend some time alone."
She stared at him expectantly and Danny felt like he was being faced with some test that he didn't understand. Tamping down a growing sense of panic, Danny reminded himself that Kara probably did have work to do, and it was possible that she didn't want Frankie around as she worked on Alisha's computer, asking questions. Frankie was a good kid, but he could still be exhausting. "Sure. I'll bring him home in about an hour?"
"Sounds good." Again she gave him that wain smile before walking across the park to say goodbye to Frankie, leaving Danny baffled. Kara had said she wasn't upset about the knife, and Danny didn't think she would have lied about something like that, but obviously she was upset with Danny about something.
"Hey buddy! Time for ice cream!"
Exactly one hour later, Danny and Frankie walked up the path to the house. Frankie was still chatting nonstop, and Danny felt the exhaustion creeping in. An hour running up stairs wasn't as tiring as listening to a five-year-old talk. That must have been what got into Kara earlier. Either that or PMS, not that he would dare to breathe a word about PMS in front of his wife.
Frankie darted in the door, Danny following him into the kitchen. "Mommy, mommy! We got ice cream and Dad let me pick out the toppings all by myself and I got three kinds of candy! This one is for you."
"Three kinds, huh?" Kara said with a bright smile as she took the slightly sticky container and gave the child a big hug. "Go wash your hands while I say goodbye to Daddy."
"Bye Dad!" Frankie shouted as he ran down the hall to the bathroom.
Kara turned to Danny, all business. "So we'll see you again Sunday?"
"Um, yeah, if that works." Danny shifted. Carlton was the one to suggest setting up a schedule of regular times when Danny would see Frankie, as a way to make sure weeks didn't go by between visits again. But now that Danny thought about it, regular visits was just another way of saying visitation.
As in a custody schedule.
Kara nodded, clearly dismissing him. "We'll see you then."
But Danny didn't move, unable to brush off his growing dread that something was very, very wrong. "Are you angry about what happened before? Because it won't happen again. I'll lock the knife in the truck..."
"No," Kara cut him off. "It was an accident. I'm not upset."
"Okay," he hesitated. "Is something else wrong? Are you upset about Alisha?"
"Look Danny," she stopped, looking away, and Danny could see the shimmer of tears in her eyes. "This isn't easy for me. I never imagined being a single mother. I guess the only good thing about all of this is that I have a lot more sympathy for my mother."
She gave a sharp laugh, but Danny barely heard the last few words, his mind replaying single mother over and over again. "What are you talking about?"
"You're Frankie's father. You will always be an important part of my life, and I will never stop you from spending time with our son. But it's time to make things official." Walking past Danny, Kara opened the door, clearly impatient for him to leave. "I've reached out to a few people and I'll get the paperwork started."
"Kara, you have to give me time."
Yet even as he said the words, Danny knew that they were futile. He had said them too many times before, broken too many promises. Kara gazed at him, her tired resignation worse than that night when she screamed at him in the street. "I did, Danny, and nothing changed. What difference will another month make? Another year? How long am I supposed to wait?"
"Once the war is done," Danny began, only to be cut off.
"There will always be another war, Danny. There will always be another mission. And I can't live in this limbo anymore." Kara took a deep breath. "You've made your choice, Danny, and I have to respect that."
"But I haven't made a choice," Danny sputtered. "That's what I'm saying. I need more time to..."
"You chose not to come home. That was your choice."
She continued to stand next to the open door and for a moment Danny was back at the arcade, having this same conversation.
Why had he wasted so much time?
He searched his mind for ideas, feeling like he was grasping for straws. Which, he supposed, he was.
"Come see Joshua with me. My counselor. Just once. Please. Before you file the papers." He could tell that she was about to refuse, so he added. "I want to talk about ... Zack. About the burial."
Kara hesitated, then nodded. "Fine."
It was only after Danny was in his truck that he thought to wonder whether she agreed merely to get him out of the house.
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A/N — I'm crying too, I promise. But Danny was just such an idiot in season 5 that he needed a major wake-up call. xoxo — kals