A/N: Thanks so much for the latest reviews - I'm not surprised y'all are getting Season 2 vibes, I have been rewatching recently, and I certainly see where you're coming from with that. Of course, Zoe and Wade will have to get past casual into something serious at some point. I'm sure I couldn't say when though... :P
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 7
He spent a lot of time thinking about it, maybe too much time, but ever since his talk with Lemon, in particular, Wade had found it tough to think about anything else.
Zoe Wilkes. She had been on his mind a fair amount from the moment they met. Who could ever put a woman like that out of their head so easily anyway? Wade had no idea.
Obviously, the sex was fantastic, but it was more than that. He had taken to bed with plenty of girls in his life so far and it was rarely a disappointing situation, but he never really cared enough for any of them to want to see them again. Zoe was different. He wished to God he knew why that was or how to explain it at all, but he couldn't.
They didn't talk all that much, pretty much not at all when they were alone together in her room or his, but he knew enough about her from those little group gatherings that Lemon insisted upon. Zoe was smart, that much was obvious, but she could also be all kinds of amusing.
When she smiled, it lit up a room. When she laughed, something inside of Wade gave way completely. There were times when she would look at him and something just happened, kind of like electricity, but more than that somehow. Something unseen and without explanation, but it was there.
He liked her. In fact, he liked her a lot. If he didn't know that from any of these other small and strange happenings, he knew because each and every time she told him it was over, he got this awful pain in his chest. It wasn't heartbreak, but it was bad enough. The idea of not being around her, close to her, with her, it was too much to think about.
Wade knew there was only one way to fix this mess they made. Her always making sure nobody knew about them and trying to insist they couldn't see each other anymore, while he felt sick at the very idea of losing her. That couldn't go on. Wade knew that, for the first time in his life, he was going to have to do the right thing by a girl. He was going to have to tell Zoe Wilkes that she mattered to him. That he didn't want to be a secret anymore.
He had absolutely decided he was going to ask her out on a real date, maybe find out what it was like to be the kind of man George Tucker was. A real live, actual, out in the world boyfriend. The very idea sent a cold shiver down Wade's back and made him want to run screaming from Zoe's door, but he wouldn't allow himself to do that. Wade Kinsella was no wuss. He could stand up and be counted. Besides, if he didn't, then he had to go on living with being the dirty secret of a girl he liked way too much, until such time as she decided to move on and dump his ass for good.
"Man up, Kinsella," he told himself, taking a deep breath and raising his fist to knock on the door.
There was a horrible moment when he thought maybe she wasn't home. He had her schedule memorised and was sure she didn't have a class, but of course, that didn't mean she wasn't out some place else. Just when he was about to give up, the door opened, and there she was.
"Oh, hey, Wade."
"Hey yourself, sweetheart," he replied with a smile. "Zoe..."
"I'm glad you're here."
Wade was so startled by her saying as much, he lost all power of speech for a few seconds.
"Uh, you are?" he checked eventually.
"I really am," Zoe insisted, moving aside to let him pass. "Come on in."
Wade stepped into the dorm and felt his stomach drop. Chances were good that if she was happy to see him at her place, they were about to enter into a seduction situation. That was not usually something he would want to get out of, but on this one occasion, he had to do it.
"We need to talk," he said fast, before anything else could happen.
It took a second to realise that there was no actual echo in the room, it was only that Zoe had said the exact same words he had, a half-second behind him. They stared at each other a moment and then a small burst of laughter escaped her lips.
"Wow, okay, weird coincidence," she said, shaking her head. "Um, did you want to go first or...?"
"Ladies first," he insisted, sitting down on the couch as she took a spot in the armchair.
He had no idea what it was she would want to say to him, but Wade had to admit he wasn't sorry to delay his own speech a little while. In fact, he was almost hoping maybe Zoe would save him the trouble of giving it. After all, she could easily have been having the same kinds of thoughts that he had lately. Maybe she was hoping to change things too, have the two of them shift their secret casual relationship to something more serious and public. That was probably wishful thinking, Wade knew, but it didn't stop him hoping.
"Okay," said Zoe, taking a deep breath herself. "So, I, um... So, this thing we've been doing," she said eventually, gesturing with her hand between them.
"The sex," Wade said for her, blunt as ever, because why the hell not?
"Yes, the sex." Zoe squirmed a little in the saying of it. "So, it's great. I mean, seriously, it is so very freakin' awesome," she admitted, blushing even as she did so. "I'm not trying to deny that for a second, because hey, you're there, you know how good it is... but the truth is, I, I'm just not really sure that this kind of non-relationship that we have is altogether healthy, for either one of us."
She looked awkward and strange about it, which Wade well understood. After all, those were the exact same things he had been feeling himself.
"I've been havin' similar thoughts myself," he admitted, a smile pulling at his lips, most especially when Zoe started smiling widely back at him.
"Oh, great. That is so great, Wade, because I really didn't want this to be weird or awkward," she admitted, sighing with apparent relief. "See, the truth is that you and George and Lemon, you've all made me feel a lot better about being here. My life has just been so very crazy these past few months, and all of the friendship you guys have shown me, it has really helped. Plus, the time you and I have spent being together, that's been amazing too. So good for my self-esteem, let me tell you," she said, her cheeks turning a darker shade of pink all over again. "It's just that time has moved on and, like I said, I don't think this is working for either of us anymore, which you agreed with. So..."
"So..." Wade echoed, practically holding his breath, waiting for her to say what he had come to say himself, that they should finally go out on a real date, make things official between them.
"So, I think the time has come to end things, just draw a line under the whole casual sex arrangement, and try to be friends, you know?"
Wade felt all the air leave his body in a rush, sure that Zoe couldn't have made him feel any worse if she had socked him right in the stomach. End things. Try to be friends. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. Sure, he had come around to tell her maybe they should change the status of their relationship, but he had been looking to move in some kind of serious direction, for first time in his life. He never once thought, when Zoe started talking about changing things, that she was going to end it all.
"Wade? You do understand, right?"
"Sure," he found himself saying, painting on the Wade Kinsella patented fake smile that nobody could ever see through, because they weren't supposed to, not ever. "Well, hell, Zoe, we prob'ly shoulda quit this whole thing a while back. It's not like you didn't say it a dozen times before."
"Oh, well, yeah, but I was also the one that broke every time," she admitted, shaking her head. "Not that you weren't a bad influence too. You have some amazing powers of persuasion, Wade Kinsella," she told him, smiling yet. "And I want you to know that I don't regret what we did. Like I said, it's been great, most especially for my self-esteem, which is something I really needed, but I mean, you had fun too, right?"
"Sure, yeah, obviously," he told her, rolling his eyes. "Like you said, not a secret that either one of us was havin' a good time. You're not exactly unamazing yourself, Zoe Wilkes."
If only he knew how to put that a better way, Wade would do it. He just wasn't great with words, never had been, proven once again when Zoe gently pointed out that 'unamazing' wasn't technically a word at all, though she appreciated the sentiment, or so she said. What they had together was so good, that was true, but while Zoe apparently now wanted less, Wade had been hoping for more. Apparently, it wasn't to be, unless...
"You absolutely sure about it this time, Zoe?" he checked, chancing his arm just a little. "I mean, I see what you're saying, I do, but going cold turkey after somethin' like that..."
"I think we'll survive, Wade," she said, rolling her eyes at his gall, no doubt. "Besides, there are plenty of other girls willing to throw themselves into your arms, I'm sure. I've seen you at the Rammer Jammer, flirting up a storm. You and I both know, you're not exactly going to be sleeping alone, not if you don't want to be."
"Well, sure, that's true enough," Wade agreed, knowing there was no use denying it, "but what about you?"
"Oh, I'll be fine," Zoe insisted. "I was actually thinking about trying real dating again. You know, maybe giving Judson another chance? And yes, I know, he's not the most riveting company, but he's such a nice guy and I felt just horrible about running out on our first date the way that I did. Anyway, yesterday, we got to talking after class and he said that if I ever wanted to try again, he would still be interested. Very interested," she said pointedly. "I think I owe it to him and to myself to see what's there. Who knows? It could be something really great. Something real, you know?"
Something really great. Something real. The words echoed in Wade's head, feeling like bullets to his brain. It never once occurred to Zoe that what she and Wade had could be either of those things. Not really great, and certainly not real. Not that he should be surprised, of course. Nobody took Wade Kinsella seriously. No woman ever wanted him around any longer than he usually wanted to stick around himself. Such was the way of the world. It wasn't going to change any time soon. Maybe it never would.
"Okay then," he said, suddenly on his feet. "So, I should prob'ly get outta your hair already."
"Oh, okay." Zoe nodded, standing up too. "But didn't you have something you needed to talk to me about too?" she checked, frowning a little as she thought on it.
"Well, it's like you said. Weird coincidence," he told her, "I was thinking much the same as you were. You know, 'bout breakin' things off, just bein' friends and such. You saved me a real awkward speech, Zoe Wilkes."
He smiled when he said it, like he really was just that happy to be released from their arrangement. As much as it had been Zoe's idea, it really was disappointing to know she was as disposable as all that. It was hypocritical to even think it, she was well aware. After all, if she was willing to break things off with Wade and move onto someone else, something real with a guy who she could really see a proper relationship developing with, then she couldn't be mad that Wade wanted the same thing.
The problem was, it hurt. It dented her pride that he didn't try to convince her to keep seeing him. It put a rock in her stomach to think about how it was over and that he didn't even seem to really care.
"So now we're both on the same page," she said bravely, putting on a smile in spite of the pain inside - it wasn't as if it was the first time she had to do something like that. "We agree this is for the best and we can move forward as friends."
"Sounds good to me, sweetheart." Wade nodded, heading right for the door. "So, I guess I'll see you around, friend," he told her pointedly.
Zoe smiled some more and nodded her head firmly. "Sure thing, friend," she echoed back, raising her hand to wave goodbye as Wade did the same.
She watched him walk away down the hall, then closed the door and turned to lean her back against it. She had expected that whole thing to be harder. She really had believed that Wade would at least be a little sad to hear she didn't want to be with him anymore. That maybe, at the very least, there would have been some hot break-up sex before he left for good.
"You're an idiot!" she told herself aloud then, slamming her palm against her forehead. "You don't want casual sex with Wade. You want something real, with a nice, stand-up guy, like Judson. So, just call Judson and make a date already," she said firmly, moving fast to grab up her phone and dial.
Her thumb hovered over the 'call' button and she almost reconsidered. Did she really want to do this? Zoe glanced over her shoulder at the door Wade just passed through.
"No, no, no," she told herself firmly, looking back to her cell and hitting the button.
Of course, Judson picked up after barely two rings.
"Hey, Zoe. How are you?"
"I'm just fine, Judson. So, I was thinking, about that second date? When did you have in mind?"
To Be Continued...