Yo!

Some information on this fic's update schedule at the end. My ff statistics have been broken for the longest time, so I honestly have no idea how many people read this story, but if you're interested in that, then check that out!

Now, onto the chapter!

Chapter 8

Sleeping in Burgh's cabin after having spent a week and some change in a luxury condo was certainly a slap in the face. It wasn't like Bianca could actually complain, given that she'd known for a fact that they weren't going to be staying in Sootopolis long, and it was her fault she'd gotten used to such wonderful conditions in the first place.

So, when she woke up with her back hurting, the sheets chafing against her, the wool blanket horribly itchy against her skin, and freezing cold, she wasn't exactly surprised.

More… feeling as if she'd returned to reality.

She got out of bed and immediately wished she had more than a hoodie to throw over herself. Her socks, too, felt far too thin, and she was shivering all the way to the bathroom, where she discovered something even worse.

The cottage did not have a shower.

…

It made sense. Logically, it made sense for a wooden building in the middle of a forest to not have a shower. Logically, Bianca should've been happy that they at the very least had a working toilet and sink.

She was not feeling terribly logical at the moment, however.

She was really only feeling cold.

So, she shivered her way back to her and Cynthia's shared room, grumbled under her breath as she threw on the warmest combination of clothes she had – which was still not nearly warm enough, given it was only a hoodie and sweatpants – and then made her way downstairs.

She'd assumed Cynthia would be there on account of the fact that she hadn't been in their shared room when Bianca had woken up, and she was proven correct. Her… she still didn't know what to call Cynthia. Compatriot? Mentor? Friend? All felt slightly… off.

Still, for now, she'd go with mentor.

Her mentor looked up at her with a quiet smile, nodding her way as she nursed a mug of coffee that looked to have been freshly brewed. Bianca turned her head towards the kitchen, hoping to still find a full-ish pot, and was thankfully not left disappointed.

She threw in her usual assortment of add-ons – four creams and a single sugar – and then went over to the table where Cynthia was sitting, and joined her.

"Good morning, Bianca."

"Morning." She spoke with much less energy than Cynthia seemed to possess. "…This place doesn't have a shower."

Cynthia snickered. "No, no it does not. It appears that we'll need to use the bath in the washroom downstairs if we wish to bathe."

"There's a bath!?"

"It's a wood burner, I'm afraid, so you're not going to be able to get in any time soon." Cynthia spoke, and Bianca's disappointment must have been quite evident, for she was smirking quite ferociously as she took her mug away from her lips, and said, "Fear not. I'm sure you can ask Burgh whether or not you can use some of his firewood."

Bianca sighed. "I can try."

Cynthia chuckled. "So, how went your spars with Barry yesterday? I didn't see most of them."

"They went okay. Well, relatively speaking." Bianca explained. "I didn't win any of them, but then, Barry's pretty good. I could tell."

Cynthia nodded her head. "He has a casual and carefree air about him, but all that does is cause those he goes up against to underestimate him. Barry is a regular top-performer in Sinnoh league tournaments, and he occasionally makes a splash in tournaments outside Sinnoh while he's doing his badge challenge."

"Badge challenge?"

"He's trying to collect every single gym badge in the world." Cynthia explained, and Bianca blanched at the sound of something so monumental. "Hah, yes, most people he tells have a rather similar reaction. To be fair, though, across the five or so years he's been trying, he's around halfway done, as far as I've heard. And of course, collecting so many gym badges inevitably means that he's going to auto-qualify into the second stage of the World Championships at the end of the year."

Bianca hummed in agreement. It was the same thing she planned to do herself, in all honesty. All trainers were of course welcome to enter into the World Championships – that had been the entire point of its creation – but the opening rounds were single elimination, three on three Pokémon battles. They weren't exactly the greatest judgement of a trainer's skill.

Still, the organizers clearly wanted the tournament to actually end at some point. Especially when the second-round forward was going to be broadcasted all over the world. The early rounds were to weed out the less experienced trainers from those who actually had a shot at making it further.

It sounded a bit harsh to Bianca, but it made sense.

If one possessed eight badges, however, then they got to skip ahead to the second round automatically.

So, that was the aim of Bianca herself, and what seemed to be the aim of many others around the world.

"But regardless, I'm glad to hear your spars were… productive?"

Bianca nodded her head. "I feel like I'm learning things from them, so that's good."

"Would you mind if I dropped in on you while you two sparred once? I'd like to get an idea of how you're doing."

"Of course, I wouldn't mind." Bianca smiled. "You mostly relaxed in the cabin all of yesterday, didn't you? Can I ask what that was about, if you don't mind?"

"Sure." Cynthia chuckled. "It was… well, in all honesty, I was recovering from having to deal with my grandmother for so long. I love her, really, I do, but she is… well, she's a pain in my ass, truth be told."

Bianca couldn't quite help wincing somewhat.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be crass."

"No, no, I understand." Bianca smiled. "My father is one of my foremost supporters these days, but when I was younger, he was adamantly against me going on a Pokémon journey. We… got into quite a few verbal sparring matches. It's not quite to the same degree as your own situation, but I understand that sometimes family can be the most difficult to talk to."

Cynthia breathed out a sigh of relief, seemingly at Bianca understanding her perspective. "Well, I'm glad you're nice about it. A lot of people automatically take my grandmother's side. It gets quite… tiring after a while."

Bianca sipped at her coffee for lack of anything else to do or say. Cynthia seemed to pick up on that, for she downed the rest of her drink, before turning to Bianca and saying, "But we've wasted enough time talking. How about we go meet Barry, and I can see how far you've come."

Bianca nodded her head.

"That sounds good."

/

They spent the next few hours or so sparring and talking about nothing in particular. Bianca was honestly content to leave things like that, if it weren't for Cynthia pushing her on a rather odd excursion.

"Let's go catch a Pokémon!"

Bianca really wasn't following the logic there.

"Why?"

"There's something I've been noticing about you recently." Cynthia stated in a rather ominous manner that had Bianca's brow furrowing. "I want to confirm it. I think you could probably use a third member of your team, too. Water and Dragon are two incredibly solid typing's, but you probably couldn't go wrong with picking up either a Grass or Bug type to round yourself out, and what better place to go looking?"

It did make some sense, but Bianca couldn't quite ignore what Cynthia had alluded to earlier, either. Had she done something so wrong that Cynthia had been able to catch it? It didn't feel like she had, but perhaps she was struggling more than she thought she was? Had she erred in such a way that–

"Bianca?"

She snapped from out of her own head like a cut rubber band. "H-Huh?"

"I asked if you were alright?"

"Oh, uhm… yes, I'm okay."

Cynthia smiled; seemingly more for Bianca's benefit than anything.

"Then let's head out!"

They didn't travel very long, or very far. It took them only twenty or so minutes of hiking through the dense foliage to come across a Pokémon that Bianca actually knew quite a bit about.

A Swadloon.

In truth, it was a Pokémon that Bianca had studied quite a bit in her time at Professor Juniper's. It was common, moderately tempered, and had quite a few interesting characteristics. Not to mention that Bianca had always found the Pokémon's grumpy-looking expressions rather humorous. Even now, seeing the almost natural frown on the Pokémon's face had her wanting to giggle.

And because of that, well…

She reached into her bag, and took out a Pokéball. She knew that she was supposed to weaken the Pokémon first, but… perhaps she was having a bet with the universe in that moment.

If I'm meant to catch this Pokémon, she asked it, then I'll catch it with a single ball.

And so, she threw her Pokéball.

It soared through the air in a surprisingly perfect arc for Bianca's own standards. It struck the Pokémon's backside, and had it flowing into the device as a red energy a moment later.

It shook once. Then twice. Then a third time.

Then, finally, it stopped and gave a soft 'click'.

And that was that.

Bianca had a Swadloon.

Cynthia chuckled. "Well, I suppose that's settled. I honestly thought you'd need to do a bit more, but I suppose all's well that ends well."

Bianca laughed herself. "It seems that way."

She stepped over towards her newly gained Pokémon, and took up the Pokéball it now inhabited. She held it in her hand for a long while, then, sort of struggling with what to do with it.

"Bianca, are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." She assured her mentor, despite the fragile look on her face. "Let's head back. I'll test my new team member against Barry."

"That's quite the opening act for the poor thing." Cynthia joked. "Well, as long as you two agree to take it easy. I know you're both giving your Pokémon ample breaks between matches, but even so, going against one another over and over again day in and day out without a Pokémon center is going to wear away at not just your Pokémon, but you as well. All things in moderation, Bianca."

Bianca nodded her head, acknowledging Cynthia's words as true. "I'll take things slower. I suppose I've just been… excited?"

"Oh?"

"I…" Bianca hesitated a moment, before finding her voice. "I've been growing so rapidly. Two weeks ago, I felt like I couldn't do a thing right, and now… now I have a gym badge, and I placed second in my first Pokémon contest, and I'm getting a chance to spar with a champion-level trainer! It's all so exciting. I suppose I just want to keep going as fast as I can."

Cynthia smiled. "I see. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. So long as you're honest with yourself, and with your Pokémon."

Bianca nodded, even if her smile was somewhat strained by Cynthia's words. "Yeah."

They moved back towards the cabin with no real urgency, talking about this and that as they went along. In the back of Bianca's mind, however, laid thoughts she did not want to acknowledge. Things that whispered mutinous words into her ears.

She ignored them as best she could, but no matter how much better about herself she felt, she could never quite shake those voices that told her all of this would soon fall apart. Like one long dream, one day she'd wake up.

And everything she'd gained would be gone.

/

She and Barry continued to duel for another few days. It was slow going, mostly because they weren't really here for that. In fact, they were here to somehow get Burgh back on his feet, and yet, whenever they tried to ask how they could help…

Well, the man was unresponsive. Not so much so that he wouldn't speak to them, but more… he wouldn't give them a straight answer.

"I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm looking for," He answered Bianca at some point. "I think… I am looking to see something that inspires me. Something that gets me back off of my feet. And yet… I am not sure that thing exists, in truth. I am not sure I can recover from where I am now."

It had hurt Bianca, to hear Burgh like that.

He had begun to start on a painting, it seemed, from atop the balcony on the second floor. He would look down upon Bianca and Barry while they dueled, and rarely, he would strike the canvas with his brush once or twice. Normally, that was followed by a dissatisfied expression, and he would stop altogether.

Bianca had no idea what they were supposed to do.

Cynthia, even, seemed lost on how to help Burgh. It was an odd thing to see, because Bianca had almost begun to think of Cynthia as above such things. Cynthia, to her, had managed to have an answer to every single one of Bianca's problems thus far. For her to fall short as well felt like an impossibility.

Eventually, Bianca thought she might try and walk up to the balcony with Burgh, to speak with him one on one. When she arrived, she got her first real look at the man's canvas, at what he had been attempting to paint all this time.

It was nothing more than a few strokes of color. A few greens, a few whites. But it was only abstracts.

"Ah, Bianca." Burgh smiled back at her. "It's good to see you. How goes your training with Barry?"

"Er, uhm… it's going." Bianca had responded, smiling to the man. "I don't know if you've heard, but I caught a new Pokémon."

"Yes," The man smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "A Swadloon, correct? I raised a few of them myself. They're incredibly loyal creatures, even if they take a while to warm up to their trainers. Once they do, however… well, they grow to become quite inseparable."

Bianca found herself smiling off of Burgh's words. He had a way with them, even as down in the dumps as he was.

"Mr. Burgh?"

"Please, Bianca, just call me Burgh," He laughed, "Seeing you completely grown-up has already done enough to make me feel old."

"Then… Burgh…" She said, feeling a bit awkward. "May I ask what it is that happened? Why you're… uhm…"

"Why I'm like this?" Burgh turned to her, a melancholic smile set on his face. "I'm afraid I don't feel like talking about it, Bianca. I'm sorry, I know the question must be burning at the back of your mind, but–"

"N-No, that's–!" Bianca hesitated. "Don't think you have to answer me. I understand…" She thought of her own past, of the things she'd lost, and the things she'd thrown away. "I have things I'm not willing to share with others, too. So, I understand."

Burgh looked at her a moment before nodding his head. "So, it seems you do."

They stayed in silence for a while after that.

"What are you painting?"

"Oh, this?" Burgh looked down at it with a small frown. "I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps…"

He paused for a long while, looking out at Pinwheel Forest beyond them. The word he wished to speak was trapped there on the very tip of his tongue, and it took him a good ten or so seconds to finally find the energy to say, "Bonds."

Bianca didn't quite know how to respond to that. They sat in silence for another long few seconds before Burgh cleared his throat, and said, "Well, I'm going to take a nap. It's been nice talking to you, Bianca."

Bianca might've had some difficulty in social situations, but she was certainly able to see that as the kind dismissal that it was.

"Likewise, Burgh." She nodded her head. "See you later."

And so, she made her way back down the steps, and back out into Pinwheel proper.

/

She and her Swadloon ended up doing a fair bit of battling over the course of the next day or so. Bianca didn't think there was any real reason for it, other than that she realized she likely needed to do a bit of training with her new Pokémon before she used it in something like a gym battle.

Still, she'd yet to really take a victory over Barry that she was satisfied with. She did win once or twice, but every time, it either felt like Barry had been trying something inherently risky that had given Bianca an in, or that she'd fluked her way to a victory over him.

It was aggravating, and yet Bianca did her best to keep those feelings buried.

Yet after a while of dueling just the two of them, Cynthia appeared, waving to the two of them before saying, "I thought I might watch the two of you spar and see if I could pick up on anything, Bianca?"

"That sounds good." She said with a nod.

"Yeah, you should tell me if you pick up on anything, too!" Barry said, smiling brightly.

"I'm not sure how much help I could be for someone so skilled in Pokémon battling," Cynthia said, and it made sense to Bianca even if there was a knowing grin on the woman's face. "But I'll try."

Around thirty minutes later, and another few losses – although admittedly all far closer affairs than most of her other duels against Barry had gone – in the books, Bianca turned towards Cynthia, who was standing off to one side of their makeshift arena – which was really just a larger-than-average clearing in the tree line – and waited to hear what she had to say.

She was expecting Cytnhia to complement her, really. Perhaps it felt brazen, or like she was getting a bit too big for her britches, but she felt she was doing pretty well for herself at this point. She'd improved, evidently, by leaps and bounds already, and by dueling against Barry, she was growing stronger day by day.

Cynthia, however, was frowning.

And she was frowning at Bianca.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, fidgeting back in forth on the spot.

"I don't think I'd noticed yet, but… you're not terribly friendly with your Pokémon, are you Bianca?"

It wasn't something she had been expecting to be called out on.

But at the same time… she'd noticed it herself. She'd felt it in her spirit whenever she'd gone to congratulate Milotic and Bagon after defeating Wallace. In the way that she'd hesitated, and simply called both back into their Pokéballs. It was undeniable, really, that she was not as close with her Pokémon as Barry was with his.

And the reason… well, it was hardly a mystery to Bianca. She knew why, even if she wasn't ready to share it.

Not yet. Maybe soon, but…

But not yet.

"Yeah, I noticed too." Barry exclaimed, walking over towards her and patting her on the shoulder. "A close relationship with your Pokémon is half the battle when it comes to growing stronger! We want to grow stronger as trainers, and they want to grow stronger as battlers. You each push each other to grow, and because of it, you exceed your own limits!"

It sounded like the kind of thing that Barry would think, so Bianca wasn't at all surprised to hear as such from him. But even so, she…

"It's not… I don't…" She wasn't quite sure how to respond, in truth. Not in a way that wouldn't result in her having to give her own reasons. "I'm not really looking to talk about this right now."

Cynthia seemed to understand that was Bianca, very nicely, asking them both to back off. Immediately, she dropped the subject. She appreciated that about her mentor.

Barry did not get the same memo.

"What? C'mon, we're friends, aren't we?" He smiled. "Your Pokémon trust you, Bianca! It's because of that that you've gotta' be there for them, just like they're there for you! You can tell us what's wrong, we're here for you."

"I…" Bianca bit down on her bottom lip hard enough that she feared she might draw blood. "Barry, please, I don't want to talk about this."

"Is it really such a big dea–"

It was an odd thing, really, the way that she just snapped in that moment. She'd never been the type to get angry, to be furious, or to take her emotions out on other people. And yet, in that moment, faced with Barry's smiling face, she couldn't help but want to snarl.

"Yes, it's a big deal!" She yelled, and immediately the man flinched backwards. She should've ended it there. That was enough, but it was like her chest was on fire. All the feelings that she normally reserved only for herself; the guilt, the pain, the desolation…

She could unleash them on someone else for once.

And it was a horrible, terrible thing to do, but…

But she did it anyways.

"Do you think I wouldn't just tell you if it wasn't a big deal!?" She screamed, and her voice cracked halfway through the sentence. "Do you think I want to be this cagey, and reserved, and not say a single thing!? Because I don't! I'm asking you to back off, and to stop trying to figure all of this out, but you just keep poking, and prodding, and you won't give up no matter–"

"Bianca!" Cynthia cut in, placing a hand on her shoulder. "That's enough. Barry wasn't trying to upset you."

And any fire that Bianca had… it was drained from her through that hand on her shoulder. Like the energy flowed out and away, and she was left standing there, in the middle of the clearing, staring at Barry's shocked expression.

He didn't look hurt; at least not too terribly. In fact, he seemed mostly surprised to have heard such things from Bianca at all. And yet… Bianca couldn't bear to look at him. She couldn't do it. She couldn't bear it because she knew exactly what it was had happened.

For years she'd had to deal with the fallout of those events. For years, she'd had no one to blame but herself.

And yet, for a moment, she'd been able to lash out with those pointed words she'd always aimed at herself and directed them at someone else. And it had felt…

Gods, but it had felt good.

She knew Barry probably wouldn't blame her, at least not heavily. Already, he was laughing under his breath, probably about to apologize himself for prying.

She couldn't allow that. She didn't want to.

It was her fault.

It was all her fault.

It was her fault it had happened. Because she'd been too attached. Because when everyone else had told her that there was nothing she could do, she'd still tried to. Because in the end, she wanted to walk up that hill one more time with her first Pokémon beside her.

Her own selfishness. It had been that which had killed them.

So, it was all she could do to run away. It was all she could do to rub at her eyes, and try and prevent tears from streaking down her face. It was all she could do to ignore Cynthia calling out to her, to ignore the way that Barry was apologizing to her, just as she'd known he would.

And she hated it.

Because she had no one to blame but herself.

Just like she always did.

/

Bianca wasn't entirely certain how much time had passed by the time she awoke in her bed.

It had to have been a few hours, because the sun had set, and it was dark out. The only illumination left in the cabin was an electric lantern that was perched on the end table a way's away from Bianca, bathing the entire room she resided within in a gentle light.

She felt herself curling into her own form, and did her best not to continue her meltdown from earlier.

It was difficult, especially given that Cynthia had apparently elected to give her the room to herself for the moment, judging by how she was not occupying the bed beside her own.

It was… perhaps it was appreciated, but at the same time, Cynthia had a habit of bailing her out of her problems that she wouldn't have minded at all in that moment. She was nowhere to be found, however, and Bianca hadn't at all the energy to get up and try to find her.

So, she simply laid there, and stewed in her misery.

It was a familiar feeling, really. Bianca had gone through a rather tough period about eight years ago. She'd been twenty years old when it had started, and… well, it had only really ended when Bianca left Nuvema town, a month or so ago now.

It felt like it had lasted forever – the haze that had conquered her mind.

Now it resurfaced, and threatened to absorb her once again.

She shook her head, unwilling to succumb so easily, but those feelings of weakness, of cowardice, of guilt… they'd always been stronger than her. Always. Bianca had never been able to conquer them on her own. She'd needed someone there beside her. Someone like Hilda, Professor Juniper, or Cynthia. Someone who could guide her through them.

And now they weren't here.

Now she was left alone.

And just then, as she'd given up hope… she heard the sound of one of her Pokéball's opening, and a Pokémon emerging from out of it.

Bianca turned herself around somewhat so that she could see just what Pokémon it was, and her eyes widened somewhat to see Swadloon climbing up the bed – which seemed quite difficult for it with its incredibly stubby arms – and waddling up towards her.

It gave a quiet cry of worry towards her, and Bianca had to bite down on her bottom lip again to resist breaking in that instant.

She… this scenario, it…

Her Pokémon was worried for her. It was picking up on the signs of what was wrong with Bianca, and had come to check on her.

It cared about her.

Gods, but it was the last thing Bianca wanted.

"Please, I…" Bianca muttered under her breath, shaking her head as she tried desperately to swallow down the lump building within her throat. "Please, leave me alone."

Swadloon ignored her protestations, and tried to move over to her. It used one of its arms to move its leaf cloak aside, and seemed to be trying to offer Bianca a place inside of it.

It was an incredibly kind gesture. Perhaps it was even a needed gesture. Perhaps it was something that Bianca should've allowed herself to accept.

She simply couldn't, however.

She pushed the Pokémon away with one hand as she leaned away from it, and turned her back on it. She felt the Pokémon try and offer her comfort again, pushing up against her body like it was trying to hug her.

But she couldn't. She just couldn't.

If she loved her Pokémon, then she'd make those same mistakes again. If she loved her Pokémon, then when they were taken from her again, it would hurt all the worser for it.

If she loved her Pokémon… she was only opening herself up to pain.

It was easier this way. To keep every one of her Pokémon at arm's length. To not interact with them, or encourage them, or allow them to fuel her, or for her to fuel them.

It was easy.

…

Many things were easy; that didn't make them correct.

Eventually, her Swadloon seemed to understand that she would not be accepting its embrace. It let out a shrill cry, seemingly giving one last attempt to convince her, but eventually, it gave up. It pressed its body against her own, and simply curled into itself beside her.

And Bianca tried not to let her heart shatter, as she let down yet another of her Pokémon.

End Chapter 8

Yeah, Bianca's dealing with some rather deep-seated trauma, and we're seeing some of that surface this chapter.

We'll be getting that backstory within the next few chapters, actually, leading into the third arc after this arc ends.

Speaking of next chapter, however, I regret to inform readers that it shall come in TWO weeks, instead of one. I'm going to be moving this story to bi-weekly until I've finished my other story, Cinderella and Prince Charming, mostly because working on both and University at the same time has been absolutely harshing my vibe (to borrow a rather old turn of phrase).

So yeah, for the next few weeks, this story will update every other week. I hope you all continue to enjoy this story, however. As always, reviews/comments are my lifeblood, so feel free (I'm begging you, please, I have no shame) to leave one!