David: Hello out there in Sunny Internetland! I hope you all had a very good holiday, New Year, and that you got everything you guys wanted for Christmas and some good food. I know I certainly did. Now… Let's see if this Synchro Machine works this time…
Arctibax gets onto the chair as David walks to a corner of the room where the camera doesn't show him
David: Okay, Arctibax. Ready?
The screen then fizzled a bit.
Figures: Attention. This is not a test. Your computer has just been hijacked by us, a super secret criminal enterprise. If you want it back, you must…
David: Flux, is that you? Secret isn't really the first word that comes to mind with you.
Flux: What? Uh…no. I am just a…
A light went on showing the villain and Loyal Three.
Flux: Okay, yeah. It's me. But I was doing an act of evil. Your little ranking list is all about goody goodies, rivals and other stuff not a lot of people care for.
David: Hmm… Yeah, you know what? There is one staple of Pokemon that hasn't been covered all that much has there? But for real, has anyone even wondered why we even needed villain teams in a Pokemon game? Isn't going through the Gym Challenge and crushing everything in your wake enough? Do we really need to add eco-terrorists, sports fans, and the freaking mafia in our "What PETA actually does" simulator? PETA, seriously. Just stop, we all know you literally kill puppies…
Flux: Ugh. PETA. Don't even get me started. Did you know they made their own knockoff game of Pokemon? It was just Pikachu and other random characters trying to escape a McDonalds slaughterhouse.
David: That sounds like a poorly crafted fangame if anything, but yeah the villains are there. And more often than not, they serve the purpose of worldbuilding around the particular region and revolutionize how we see Pokemon to make the world more complete. Anyways, we need criteria to base them on, so here we go. We're gonna be ranking them based on how clear and intimidating their motivations are and how well they execute…or at least TRY to execute their plans. Design will play a factor, but not as much as the first one, the leaders and admins that you have to defeat in order to progress, and adding a few points for music, because holy cow, some of their tracks slap! Sound like good criteria? Sounds good, let's go, with our special guests!
14-13: Team Yell and Macro Cosmos
David: Why are those annoying people with cheese on their heads in Green Bay Packers games a villain team? Were they trying to make some kind of commentary? Is this the revenge of us nerds for constantly getting picked on by the jocks with empty heads and emptier ambitions? Well, here they are, in better shape than I see most sports fans: Team Yell! To be honest, I feel like I'm kind of cheating by calling them a villain team. Like, they pose less than a threat to you.
Flux: Pathetic lackabouts. I get it. The battles are like football to you. And these guys aren't even real villains. Just gym trainers who work under that rocker Piers from Spikemuth.
David: And because Marnie actually tells them to stop, I feel like she doesn't contribute much to their cool factor at all. And it looks as though Piers' Trainers/Fans just go off on their own to be pests. Because of this, I feel like neither of the Dark siblings seem to have much control over their team, so it kind of knocks them down a bit. Macro Cosmos, on the other foot. Their leader is clearly defined, but their motivations are not! Like…energy… Problem is like 1000 years in the future. Where the heck are you gonna store all of that electricity?
Flux: Who would care anyway? We'd be long gone by then. Leave it to the future people.
David: Exactly, why is this team's motivation one rich dude's comically severe lack of patience? Their basic music isn't even that good! The only thing, the ONLY THING… That this organization has going for them…is Rose's boss music. But like… GameFreak, if you want to make a "Corporations and Monopolies are Bad!" story, don't wuss out for 90% of the game and then call the CEO such a good guy for the rest of it! Macro Cosmos is arguably worse than Team Yell. Because…there is no…reason…for this plot point…to exist!
Fezendipiti: (Chairman Rose could've easily been a chill and lax guy who is simply out of touch with reality because he is so stinking rich, and Oleana could've been like a hyperactive bodyguard.)
Flux: Yeah. And he caused trouble for his brother too. And his nieces.
Okidogi: (Oh yeah, they take advantage of Bede, blow up some stadiums and scared the heck out of a lot of people, and reawaken an Eldritch horror. For…energy for a crisis that happens 1000 years in the future.)
David: Maybe if the crisis was more urgent. Like… 10 years, 50 tops. Maybe that would've been a better motivation and justification.
Munkidori: (But like the boy said, Rose couldn't even wait one day. And the voice of reason ended up being the guy who couldn't find the building next door.)
12: Team Snagem
David: Okay, for this particular list, we'll be going over the villain teams individually. There is one exception, but we'll get to that when we get to them. Gen 8 is just unlucky enough to have both of their evil teams be in the bottom. The bottom spot is weird like that, both times. And first team is Team Snagem. I know what you're thinking. "New Generation, who dat?" Well, this team was feature in the criminally underrated Pokemon Colosseum that people only remember when Chuggaconoroy mentions it.
Flux: Yeah. Just a bunch of thugs. Only thing they ever contributed was the Snag Machine, least until that bitch Aria stole it while blowing up their base. She seems to hate me for some reason.
Fezandipiti: (You ditched her and the Dazzlings after they didn't have any use to you.)
Flux: Oh yeah. Good times.
David: Yeah, Flux has a habit of doing that. The Orre region has so much potential, to the point where there are TWO villain teams. Unfortunately the weaker one lands here. They were a strong presence in the beginning of the original Colosseum, but once Cipher came to the picture, they just… Poof! Disappeared. But what they represent as an active more diabolical side to Pokemon crime, is something unique. Well, what gets them so low is the fact that they do kind of disappear and aren't really as present as most of the other teams. But being an evil team that actively influences the Orre saga gets them a lot of bonus points.
11: Team Skull
Okidogi: (Okay, so… Next one on here is um… The disaffective youth society who finally had the bright idea to tax a Pokemon Center, Team Skull.)
David: Honestly, I kind of like these guys. Probably more than I should. That doesn't make them good, though.
Munkidori: (They're more like the diet Team Rocket, the gang mentality that follows the boss down whatever dumb road he wants to go down. But here, instead of a team of organized criminals, we have a bunch of kids that are sick of the islands' traditions and want to rebel.)
David: The people of Alola don't even take them seriously, because they're pretty harmless… Except for that whole city they took over, but whatever!
Flux: Eh, they're okay. Honestly Guzma and Plumeria get more done than the grunts.
David: And speaking of Guzma, if you got a guy that has so much charisma, a theme that practically FORCES head-dancing, as well as having one of the best Bug-type teams out there, I cannot in good faith place them any lower, no matter how ineffective the team itself is.
10: Team Plasma (B2/W2)
David: On the opposite end of the spectrum, though. We have Team Plasma: The Second Coming.
Fezandipiti: (Heyheyheyhey! Put down your pitchforks and torches, people! He's not talking about the original Team Plasma, we'll get to them later. He's talking about the remnants from Black and White 2.)
Flux: Seriously? You put both versions on here? Kinda cheap isn't it?
Munkidori: (Well, it kind of makes sense in this case because both versions felt like separate entities.)
Flux: But they're both lead by the same guy.
Okidogi: (Same guy but different plans. Also don't forget this one got that Colress guy.)
David: Yep, the obvious fan-favorite. Other than that, though… They felt like they were copying Team Rocket's homework without understanding why they were so good. But have you seen their flying pirate ship? Captain Hook called, he wants to join the party with his cards of perpetual death! I'm sorry, but I'm gonna add some bonus points for style, and for Ghetsis' upgraded boss music. And Colress, like Okidogi mentioned. But he's kind of an impartial third-party mercenary scientist. I'll rant about him some other day.
9-8: Team Magma/Team Aqua
David: And now for a double-dose of the first taste of wide-scale what-the-heckery, Teams Magma and Aqua. Yeah, yeah, they're technically separate teams, but since their roles are similar depending on the version, I'm lumping them together.
Flux: Oh yeah. These losers. Oh, we want more land, we want more sea. There's already plenty of land and global warming is taking care of that sea part.
David: Plus, having evil teams that are not all Poison and Dark all the time is kind of refreshing. Though, I kind of have some reservations about being represented by one of the starter types since you'll pretty much always screw over one of them, while the starter stronger than them would make them look like total pushovers.
Flux: Yep. Losers till the end. Apocalyptic ones but still losers.
7: Team Rocket
Flux: Ugh, Team Rocket. Don't even get me started on these guys. Sure they're classic, but they aren't hounding you to let you join.
David: Not to mention a team that steals your Pokemon if you lost? That's pretty scary. UNtil you realize… Oh wait, my Pokemon didn't get stolen when I lost. That's when the fear factor kind of went away a bit. Then Gen 2 came along, and it's like… Um, hi again? Don't get me wrong, I like me some corny ineffective villains, but… You didn't even give me the Gym Leader twist from the first gen. Just some dude on the radio tower. Though, don't get me wrong. Cutting off Slowpoke tails is kind of metal. Just… Why is the first encounter with the leftovers the most intimidating that Team Rocket as a whole has ever been? That was… Until Rainbow Rocket!
Flux: Yeah…that was their better attempt. Teaming up with the best of the villains. So good.
Voice: Aw, that's nice.
Flux: Did you say something?
David: That wasn't me…
The two then looked at the camera and saw three figures moving in the trash before Flux turned.
Flux: The hell? You're hiding in my trash now?
James: Look, I know how this looks. But if you give us a minute…
Flux: Grrr….
The camera on Flux's side then went dark before blasting sounds could be heard all around as well as screaming before the camera came back on to show a damaged room.
Flux: See what I mean? They're like cockroaches.
David: Oh yeah. Totally. Anyway, as I was saying, Giovanni has returned in all of his villainous glory…ditching his son once again! Admit it, the only way the Rainbow Rocket segment could've been better was if Silver joined in too. If Red and Blue can show up at the Battle Tree, my man Silver can be here too, dang it!
Munkidori: (This was the ultimate package, the callbacks to the past generations. So much good stuff. But since this was technically bonus content and the rest of their showings were mediocre, I think middle of the road was the best place to put them.)
Flux: Honestly, I don't mind Giovanni or his admins. Just wish he'd take his three freelancers and send them far away…from me!
David: For once, I think we can agree on something.
6: Cipher
David: So… Remember when I said in Team Snagem's entry that there are two villain teams in Orre?
Flux: Ah Cipher…honestly not a bad organization. I sold them the formula to make Shadow Pokemon and I still get royalties on it.
David: For all intents and purposes, I would have to agree that they are very effective. Corrupting innocent Pokemon into attacking people and being adjectively evil through experiments and neat-torture? That's…actually pretty intense. They even infiltrated local governments, not very subtly but hey, and even managed to kidnap and corrupt a very disturbing amount of Legendary Pokemon. And did you guys see how intensely they corrupted Shadow Lugia?! Just… Lugia is one of my favorite Legendaries. That made me sad. And angry! Who dyin'? Who taking the guillotine?!
Okidogi: (Whoa, whoa! Calm down, don't get yourself worked up over this.)
David: Whew… Sorry. I lost my cool for a moment there. And the music? What, was Chikovsky a hidden admin? Why are all of their tracks, other than the obvious exception of course, orchestral masterpieces?
Fezandipiti: (Of course, Mirror B. is the fan favorite, but… Other than that, there's not really much they have going for them. They have some great tracks, one memorable member and frightening motives and actions… But no character to back it up, sadly.)
Flux: Oh him. I hear he's not even a member anymore. Now he's just roaming and stealing Shadow Pokemon whenever he can. Working on his own villain career. I wish him the best.
5: Team Flare
David: And now we get to a team that has too many characters, too loud of designs, and too dumb of a motivation… Team Flare. Just… Why? Why do they look ridiculous? The grunt designs are a bit tacky and the scientists look like extras in the Star Wars Holiday Special.
Flux: Is it really that bad? I only ask cause I've never seen it.
David: Probably for the best. I just can't take them seriously. They want to blow up the world for fashion. Fashion! And they charge millions of dollars for dumb suits and rap sheets. And Lysandre… Lysandre was perfectly content with killing thousands, millions even, because he thought the world looked ugly? Like dude… Invest in some new flower beds or volunteer with an ocean cleanup crew, not mass murder!
Okidogi: (Whoa, you're coming in hot there.)
David: And ProZD mocked the heck out of this guy in some of his earlier vines, but he is so right. Lysandre has no chill, no intrigue, not even a hint of a twist, and he contributed to the paint by numbers plot of the entire sixth generation. But if I'm so negative about these guys, why are they in the Top 5? Simple. Their music is great. And because they… Well… Worked. That money laundering scheme? Worked. That freaking death laser they have? Would have worked if the coordinates hadn't been reset. People would have died. Oh yeah, and they killed the Pokemon strapped to those stones. Like what the hell, guys?! I can't properly express my disbelief at how these Dolce & Gabbana dropouts actually were competent! How are they more successful than Cipher, who torture Pokemon into cruelty and kidnap multiple Legendaries? How?! There is no Arcues, I swear…
Flux: Okay…this got dark. Next team, please.
4: Aether Foundation
Flux: Ah, the Aether Foundation. A protective organization with a hidden agenda towards the mysterious Ultra Beasts.
David: Don't get me wrong, when I first saw Lusamine, I knew she was a few fries short of a crappy meal, but the entire Foundation turning on us? That I wasn't expecting. Except for Faba. He has the subtlety of a Michael Bay movie. Their ability to hide in plain sight, even doing some outward good to cover their dark interior is pretty clever. But because they spent so much time with a cover, it feels a little rushed when they are called in to be the bad guys. Yes, some dark stuff is covered, but no one is shown any of it. We were told there were experiments and what happened, but they were not shown. Shadow Lugia was shown, Slowpoke tails were shown, even the death laser was shown. I guess that's what drops them off the Top 3 the most, they tell and don't show.
Fezandipiti: (But getting to the bright spots. Lusamine being a crazy, cruel and narcissistic freakshow, and I love it!)
David: This actually catapults her into being one of the most entertaining, fascinating and downright memeable villains out there…second to only Guzma, of course.
Munkidori: (What also ranks her lower is that Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon watered down her motivations to the point where she's basically a bad guy by obligation instead of being totally crazy.)
David: I also hate that we got robbed of a Pokemon battle against a Poke-human hybrid, but that's not her fault. She's like if Mommy Dearest and Beautiful Minds got together and had an acidtrip.
3: Team Star
David: Alright. You guys will probably notice that attempts at low-scale sympathetic villain teams haven't been well-receieved in the past. Team Skull was meh, and Team Yell was oof. So at first glance, it seemed like Team Star was set up for failure, considering their scope at first glance was just that: School Bullies. But the reason they are in the Top 3 is how they oh-so-proved us wrong. You see… There is this thing… This thing, in modern school districts where you can get beat up constantly every day. You can get bullied physically, mentally, emotionally, and even…psychologically. And often times, schools either won't believe you, or tell you to shake it off. But the MINUTE that you fight back, YOU get punished too. Example being that someone gives you a black eye or swollen cheek, you swing back, and all of a sudden you both get suspended or expelled. You see the issue here? The victims get punished the same way as the bullies, even though they were just defending themselves. So, what can you do?
Flux: Ah…classic victims turned bullies. I heard that this incident was so bad, almost the entire academy staff had to be replaced.
David: This is Team Star in a nutshell. They tried to go the proper route, report the bullying to the school, but the school buried it. They were the ones that said enough was enough, banded together, fought back, and are now being punished by the system for it. Each of the key members proved that anyone can become a victim of bullying, not just the meek and small.
Fezandipiti: (Oh, I can list of the many reasons for that behavior too. Enjoy something a little too much? Bullied. Follow the rules and be straight-laced? Bullied. Be conventionally attractive? Bullied. Be well off? Bullied. Excel in any way? Bullied.)
David: Yep. All the flags check out. Each of them have big and sympathetic personalities. From the goofy and old-fashioned Atticus, to the chill Giacomo who canonically made that banger of a boss theme, the too-pure-for-this-world Eri, and the fiery and feisty Mela. The only one I didn't gel with all that much was Ortega. I mean, yeah, you shouldn't bully people, period, even though "Oh, they're rich, so they deserve it." But yeah, his attitude kind of took off a few sympathy points for me. And then there is Penny. It's not really that much of a surprise that she is Cassiopeia, but hey, that's what happens when your hair is too unique. Between her, Nemona, and Arven, I feel like I gel with her the most. Victim of bullying? Check. Sassy and smart? Check. Slight attitude problem against those of authority and higher social standing? Check. Totally not all for the madness in Area Zero? Double check.
Munkidori: (That being said, there are a few reasons why they only went as far as getting the bronze medal here.)
Fezandipiti: (For one, despite their flair and flashiness, their outfits were a bit bland. I mean, what did you expect? They're just a bunch of kids.)
David: That and like I said before, their scope was just so much smaller compared to the hard-hitters. The only true threat they really posed was to themselves, and they knew that.
2: Team Galactic
David: Alrighty. There are two spots left, and they are the heaviest hitters we got here. There is a lot to say about the number 1 spot, so let's get the other one out of the way. The silver medal…goes to Team Galactic! First off, I'll just say that this team had goals. What do I mean by this? Well, the teams up until now have been small potatoes. They stole Pokemon locally and almost caused some environmental damage. You know, problematic but recoverable. Well sirs! Cyrus wanted to destroy all of reality and make a new one in his image!
Flux: One with emotionless people and the world to explore.
David: Yeah, Cyrus is frightening, on a primal survival-instinct level for me. Though Cipher did Pokemon torture first, you actually get to see the Lake Trio suffering in the machines in their base. His admins blow up the lakes and take the Lake Trio by force to… What was it? Surgically remove the gems on their heads, to make the Red Chain to call upon the Legendaries? Even the grunts look soulless and between the admins' Skuntank and Purugly, Color Gods help you if you piss them off. Even Cyrus looks dead inside, perfectly capturing that there was something…off about him.
Okidogi: (Oh yeah…that does look frightening.)
David: Yep. These guys have all the making of a near-successful evil team. A boss with frightening motivations, strong admins, and grunts that have soulless expressions… Everything about them is what makes them great villains.
Flux: Yes…the best of the best.
David: Or at least, he would've been… If there wasn't still one team left.
1: Team Plasma (B/W)
David: Okay, so… Elephant in the room. The fact that I didn't put N on the Rivals list. I have my reasons for that. I didn't see N as a rival in the traditional sense. Instead I saw him as the eventually-reformed leader of Team Plasma. Team Plasma started off as a fascinating concept. Their motives and methods were unique and thought-provoking. Liberate Pokemon because they have free will. There are bad Trainers out there. It was an amazing deconstruction of everything in the entire series. I mean, I don't like how it turned out, just the same old take-over-the-world scheme, but there was a lot of intrigue in there while it lasted, which was throughout the entire adventure. And then… They won. N beat Alder, Plasma took over the League, the castle rose up, N's ascension was complete and there was no hope left. We would've been separated forever.
Flux: Until a certain reporter whooped him and his dragon. That's when Ghetsis decided to usurp his own kid and assume control.
David: And he did so by opening his mouth, ruining the motivation for everyone and then sicking his underlevelled Hydreigon at Leia! Urg! You were so close, dude! So close to perfection! If they had just stuck with it, Team Star would've been bumped down from the Top 3 in favor of the Aether Foundation. But they didn't, so here we are. There are still a lot of positives, though. Their designs are really eye-popping and really put together. Not to mention, the music is fantastic. You'll notice that they ripped off some motifs from other classic songs, which really play into the role of Team Plasma as a deconstruction. The Grunts' theme slaps me in the face, the plotting music is sinister and unsettling, N's themes are hopeful but intense. And Ghetsis' theme can only be described as… Haunting… Discordant… I can't properly explain how they solidify Ghetsis' status as the most evil Pokemon villain. He may just have vanilla ambitions, but both versions of his battle theme puts him on a whole new level. And then… There is N. He is everything his hype has lived up to and more. Let me tell you something, if I saw N as a rival, Team Galactic would've been number 1, and Team Plasma would've been number 2. But since I don't, he helps catapult them to the gold. He is the pure kernel of light that allows Plasma to even have a chance of reformation. He is the kind leader that people want to follow. He is the reason they were so successful before Ghetsis knocks him down several pegs and yells "I made you!" If N had stayed convinced he was right, Plasma would have won. N is someone people want to follow.
Munkidori: (But of course, the real reason Team Plasma is number 1 is because of Ghetsis himself. His Hydreigon is capable of knowing Frustration, which is a move that increases in power the more a Pokemon despises his Trainer. And he revels in it.)
Fezandipiti: (I would have to agree with Munkidori, it takes a whole new level of scummy to be so evil that even your own Pokemon hate you. And the differences between Ghetsis and N is what really makes Team Plasma stand out, and what they both represent.)
Flux: Yes. Well…think that covers all of our villains. Wonder what they're concocting even as we sit here and converse.
David: Hard to say. A lot of them are still up and about. Except for Lysandre and…maybe Cyrus as they are…well… Possibly dead.
Flux: If that's what you want to believe.
David: What does that mean?
Flux: Well…seems we're out of time anyway. Catch you next time you want a…real villain.
The screen on Flux's half soon went dark.
David: Real villain, him? Hmm… Maybe, maybe not. Time will tell, as they say. Anyways, he's right. That's all the time we have to cover. If you like what you're seeing, make sure to leave a favorite, follow me and the others on our content, and I'll see you all next time. Bye!