I dreamed about Edward a lot after that night, his almost glowing white skin and beautiful honey eyes following me within the darkness of my room, lingering over my body but never getting close enough to touch.

Even in the darkness, my eyes seemed to always search for him.

Even when I hated him, even when he refused to look at me, my eyes always found themselves back on him.

His slowly darkening eyes, the way skin would slowly drift from a soft cream to a porcelain doll with each passing day.

In my mind, it was proof how pathetically obsessed I was, so idiotic I stared at him as a truck raced toward me.

So weak to a pretty face, I stared longingly at his back for a month after he stopped talking to me. I felt like a stalker, creepy and gross.

When he sat next to me in class, as far away from me as possible, he would ignore me completely. His hand would sit tightly against the edge of the table, his face pointed at the wall.

It was fine.

I knew he regretted saving me from Tyler's van—his attitude made that 100% clear.

Every time we interacted before, he wore a different mask. At least he wasn't faking anymore, I didn't need him to like me.

I followed his lead, avoiding interaction unless necessary. During group work, we either split tasks or he handled half, leaving the rest for me.

Never a word, just a short tap on the table with the back of his pen to grab my attention before sliding the paper over to me.

In the beginning Michelle would ask more questions, push me to try to make up but eventually she joined me in ignoring his existence.

Before the start of class she would sit on my side of the table, talking about any and everything like he wasn't even there.

The snow eventually melted away for good after that one icy day, crushing any chances for a snowball fight, but it was fine Michelle was more excited about going to the beach.

That is if the rain could stop long enough for us to go.

It didn't matter much, she was too busy helping with the girl's choice spring dance anyway.

It was two weeks away and Jesse seemed to be on edge.

I told you I'm not going," I said dismissively, we were in Trig, sitting together, waiting for the teacher to come in.

"It's just in case," his voice was desperate as he tried to whisper. "I don't wanna miss my chance."

"Who said you had a chance?" I laughed slightly, "It's not like we are the only two options."

He looked scared and asked frantically, "she likes someone?"

I shrugged, I had no interest in her romantic life and hoped that she felt the same.

"Look, you need to focus on getting her to ask you instead of trying to scare away the competition." I said teasing.

He shoved me playfully, almost knocking me out of my seat. I laughed slowly, ignoring the pain in my arm. He didn't mean it, he was just on edge.

Jesse didn't talk to me the next day, he barely looked in my direction. Just followed quietly behind me from class to class like a ghost. A part of me wanted to understand what was wrong.

Another part didn't want to bother, it was obvious. Either Michelle asked someone else out, or she made it clear that Jesse didn't stand a chance. Whatever it was, I didn't want to be the person he confided in.

Lunch was different, Michelle sat uncomfortably at my side. For once almost completely silent. While Jesse sat at the far end of the table, oscillating between staring in the distance and glaring at me and Michelle from the corner of his eyes.

There has been times in my life, where I wished I didn't exist. I wished no one could see me and I could slip away without anyone noticing or caring.

This was one of those moments, I didn't care about their relationship issues and I had no interest in being in the middle of it.

I just absent-mindedly picked at my apple, trying my best to ignore them. In the hopes that whatever crappy romantic comedy they were acting out, would end before I had to rise to a speaking character.

I was wrong, of course.

Michelle seemed odd as we walked to class, she held onto the sleeve of my sweater like we were holding hands and seemed to leave her hands lingering a bit too long whenever she was close or had to touch me.

It felt uncomfortable and I almost folded myself up when she perched herself on the table. Her knee length jean skirt hiking up slightly, allowing me to see just the hint of her pale pink boyshorts.

I quickly looked away to unexpectedly meet eye to eye with Edward. Who gave me a small mischievous smirk as he turned away.

Why would he choose now to notice me?

"So," Michelle said softly, her voice was far less confident than her body. "Jesse practically begged me to ask him to the spring dance."

"Really?" I asked warily, my eyes on the corner of our table.

I didn't have it in me to act surprised or even interested in the conversation. It was none of my business, but she was free to vent to me.

"I told him I wasn't sure who to ask yet…" her voice was leading and forced. Like she was trying to sound sultry and mysterious, but honestly came off more like a whining toddler.

I cringed. She clearly expected a response, but I had no idea what she wanted me to say.

So with no cards on the table, I decided to be a wingman, "you should go with him, I mean he really likes you."my voice was awkward and I kept my eyes to the far corner of the room

There was a pause, she didn't speak and I waited awkwardly for her to say something. After a minute passed my eyes slowly shifted back to her face.

It was a russet color, like she was blushing and her eyes were down like she was about to cry.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly looking at her in the eyes, my hand unconsciously taking hers to calm her down.

I couldn't help but notice Edward's head subtly tilting towards our direction.

Michelle's eyes shot towards him like she just noticed he was there before looking back at me, "I was gonna ask you, actually, but he said you weren't going…"

She was going to ask me? Why? Michelle was beautiful, thick curvy thighs and beautiful coffee skin. Even the small gap in her teeth and her soft round cheeks looked beautiful on her face. She looked like a model, but had the personality of a girl next door.

She was perfect, so why was she about to cry because I told her to go to the dance with someone else?

"Yeah…," I continued, "I'm—" my mind went blank. I've never been asked out before and didn't know what I should do in this situation.

Despite her perfection, she was like a sister. Within the small amount of time I've known her I had learned enough to know I couldn't handle being in a relationship with her. I couldn't even handle doing homework with her.

She was annoying, talkative and childish, but I feared what would happen if I completely rejected her.

I took a deep shallow breath and repeated myself, "I think you should go with Jesse, he really likes you."

"Did someone else ask you?" she asked, gripping the table and staring at me intensely.

Edward's body shifted, he laid his head on the table like he was about to take a nap. Even when he wasn't facing me I could feel his eyes on me.

"No, no!" I almost yelled before reassuring her. "I'm just not planning on going to the dance."

"What? Why not?" Michelle asked, her lips were puckered in a pout.

I didn't know if I should tell her I genuinely hated dances, the loud music, the dancing, the people.

I would never understand the appeal of wearing a tight suit, while trapped in a gym, listening to the worst hits of the last thirty years, while teachers and parents stare you down.

Just the idea makes me feel sick, but I doubted she would believe me, so I lied.

"I was planning on being out of town that Saturday. There's a really good bookstore in Seattle."

"Just go another week!" she snapped, slamming her hand on the table.

"No can do, they're getting a book I really want that day. I can't miss it," I responded with a small smile. "So, you should probably talk to Jesse. He'll be hype."

She just stared at me for a moment before quickly getting up and stomping to her seat.

I laid my head down on my arms, covering my face so no light would reach my eyes, I didn't want to go with her. That was true but I couldn't help but regret my choice. I felt guilty for saying no, stupid for missing a chance I didn't want and embarrassed for my friend.

I felt like trash.

Mr. Banner's voice eventually broke me out of my funk. I just sighed as I looked up.

When I opened my eyes, I met Edward's, again, but this time he didn't look away or even smirk. He just stared down at me like he was studying me.

Maybe my suffering was too much for him to resist?

We stared at each other for a moment that felt like forever, his mischievous smirk slowly creeping across his face as he stared at me unblinking.

My eyes stung by the time Mr. Banner ended our little game.

"Mr. Cullen?" He called out, causing Edward to finally turn away.

"The Krebs cycle," his voice was light and playful, I forgot how beautiful it could sound.

It was embarrassing how good it felt for him to acknowledge me. Like my body was waiting for weeks just to hear his voice again and when it did…

It was pathetic.

I hated the fact that someone could have that much of an influence over me. It was stupid, dangerous.

I hide behind my hair, focusing my eyes on my book. I could feel his eyes on me but I refused to look at him. From time to time our eyes would meet, I would stare past him and turn my head, he didn't exist.

When the bell rang I felt like I could finally breathe. I knew he would be out of the room before the bell even stopped.

Yet he didn't…

"Bela?" His voice was like a harp, just the sound of my name on his voice made my ears burn red.

I could see his beautiful mischievous face from the corner of my eyes, he knew what he was doing.

I sighed lightly before turning to face him, keeping my face indifferent. My eyes lingering towards the wall behind him.

He didn't say anything when I turned, his body stiff and his face quickly shifted between discomfort and teasing.

"what are you talking to me again?" I snapped lightly, breaking the silence.

His lips twitched slightly as he failed to stop a smile from creeping across them. "No, I'm not planning to," he laughed softly as he talked, like he was teasing a kid.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten, taking slow deep breaths to calm myself down without gritting my teeth. He waited, no longer fighting his smile.

"Edward, what do you want?" I asked, closing my eyes; it was easier to deal with him this way.

"I'm sorry. I've been terribly rude to you, but believe me, it's for the best."

His voice was slow and sincere, it felt like a velvet ribbon that wrapped around my ears. It made my body flood with warmth.

I hated how much I loved it.

I opened my eyes and was met with his serious face. He looked so uncomfortable, like just talking with me was a fight.

"Okay?" I said slowly and unsure.

"It's just better," He said firmly before softly adding as if he didn't want to say it "if we distance ourselves."

It was easy to understand what he was saying, but it was still confusing. If he didn't want to be close to me, why was he the one that forced our… acquaintance? Partnership?

Friends definitely didn't work.

I let out a soft sigh,"If only you had realized it sooner," I muttered under my breath. "Could have saved us some trouble."

"Save us what?" His voice was fragile and light, almost unable to believe what I was saying.

I looked down at the desk, "Isn't it obvious…" I knew he regretted saving me, he hated the fact that he allowed me to glance at his secrets.

And even though I hated it, I wanted to know more of his secrets. Especially the ones that involved touching him…

I laughed awkwardly at the thought, why did I want to touch him?

"That wasn't funny," his voice came out as a low hiss, like a silk viper, it filled me with both comfort and fear. "Do you genuinely think I regret saving you?"

"You don't?" For me it wasn't a question, the answer was clear. If anything the shock came more from him denying it.

He had nothing to prove to me.

"You don't know anything," he snapped at me.

"I know enough," I hissed through my teeth; before getting up quickly.

I wanted to get up dramatically, grabbing my books in one swift movement before quickly exiting like a brave soldier unbothered by the world.

But of course that was too much for me, instead I immediately tripped over the chair, knocking my books on the ground and falling flat on my face.

I laid there for a few minutes or maybe even seconds. I wanted to sink into the cold tiled floor, sink all the way to hell. At least it would be hot and far away from the bastard I could feel smirking behind me.

When I finally got up, Edward was sitting comfortably against the table. My books, already in his hands and a smile, poorly hidden behind his hand.

He was almost shaking with laughter as he slowly dropped them in my hand.

My face was bright red, if it was possible I'm sure smoke would have been pouring out of my ears.

"Thanks," my voice was sarcastic but weak, I had no fight in me after that.

"You're welcome," His voice was soft amused, like he had completely forgotten about our argument.

I straightened up swiftly, turning away once more, determined to walk off to Gym without looking back.

Gym turned out to be sheer hell. As our class moved on to volleyball, I mostly kept to the back, trying my best to stay out of my teammates' way. Yet, even in the brief moments that I did attempt to participate, I proved to be a danger to anyone nearby.

Michelle skipped class…

After class I jogged to my truck, I wanted to go home, or at least back to Charlie's house.

Luckily, my truck wasn't damaged much by the accident. Just a broken tail light and maybe one or two extra dents. It was genuinely hard to tell, if it was anything fancier or even painted it would be a bigger problem.

Tyler's van was totaled and sold for parts, I usually wouldn't care but Tyler has somehow wormed his way into my life after everything was settled.

Whether it was lingering guilt or genuine interest he seemed to slide into my friend group with little change.

I didn't mind it, he was like a St. Bernard, big and lumbering but ultimately harmless and sweet.

I just hated the guilt I felt every time I saw the mostly healed pink scratches across his chestnut face.

Rounding the corner, my heart sank as I spotted a figure leaning against the side of my truck. The thought of leaving the truck and walking home crossed my mind, until I realized it was Erica.

"Hey, Erica," I waved as I walked over to her.

"Hi..." she answered shyly.

"What's up?" I asked, unlocking the door, I didn't have time for her.

"Uh, I was just wondering... if you would go to the spring dance with me?" Her voice cracked slightly as she asked.

I paused, I didn't have time for this. It at least made more sense for her to ask me out compared to Michelle but why today? She had to hear the news, did she honestly think I would reject Michelle for her or was she messing with me?

Putting on the warmest smile I could muster, desperate to keep at least one friend today, I replied, "Thank you for asking, but I'll be in Seattle that day."

She looked a bit sad before managing a smile. "Well, we always have next time."

"Maybe," I agreed, biting my lip, cautiously avoiding any misunderstanding.

As she slowly walked back to the school, I didn't have the energy to feel guilty.

I could hear a faint chuckle in the distance.

Edward slowly strolled past my truck, his eyes fixed straight ahead, and lips pressed together in a small smirk. Annoyed, I forcefully opened the door and leaped inside, slamming it shut with a resounding thud. My engine roared to life as I started it up and reversed out of the space. But my escape was halted as the Volvo effortlessly slid right in front of me, waiting for Edward's family who were still leaving the cafeteria.

The urge to slam into the Volvo and move it out of my way surged through me, but I couldn't risk another car accident. Plus, there were way too many witnesses as a queue was forming behind me. Tyler Crowley, now driving a secondhand Sentra, got out of his car with a wave. I barely looked and instead continued glaring at the car in front.

One trait I've learned about Tyler is that he was incapable of getting a hint. He quickly knocked on my driver's side window, confusing me. Reluctantly, I rolled down the window halfway, realizing quickly that it wasn't worth it to roll it down completely.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tyler's car still running. "Hey man, look I'm stuck behind Cullen, sorry," I said, not bothering to hide my irritation, as I gestured towards the Volvo in front of me.

However, he just gave me a nonchalant shrug, "it's fine I just wanted to catch you while we're both stuck here" he laughed a bit.

I raised an eyebrow at him, puzzled. "Tyler, I really hope you aren't inviting me to the spring dance," I joked wearily. As far as I knew, Tyler wasn't gay, but you can never be too sure.

He chuckled, trying to clarify, "No, I just heard you weren't going. I'm not going either." His hands moved nervously. "So maybe we can hang out, you know, get some pizza... see a movie..."

I stared at him, his soft brown curly hair barely covered by his red beanie, the way his puppy dog-like Hazel eyes stared up at me like he was both terrified and excited. He was honestly adorable even the pink scar across his cheek couldn't hide that.

I still couldn't tell if he was gay or not and to be frank I was fine with that. He was someone fun to look at, nothing more and I had no plans of entertaining anything more.

A pretty face wasn't enough.

"Sorry, dude. I'm going out of town," I answered, trying to be polite.

He smiled, seemingly unfazed. "Cool. It's not like we have to hang out that day," he laughed awkwardly, "we always have prom." I gave him a questioning look, causing him to abruptly turn and run back to his car, clearly embarrassed.

My face quickly shifted back to the car in front of me, I could see Edward's siblings slowly slipping into the Volvo and Edward's eyes clearly on me through the rearview mirror.

He was trembling, his eyes squinted as if he was laughing. Hard.

I didn't know how or why, but I knew he had heard every word of me and Tyler's conversation. And he was laughing.

"Jackass," I couldn't help but mumble curses under my breath, a small part of me hoping he could hear those as well.

It only took a second for them to drive away after they were all in the car, and I drove home as quickly as my truck was able to go.

I thought about what I was going to cook for dinner, and fell onto Empanadillas.

In Arizona Sonoran was easier to find than water, Paula taught me to cook some things and I figured out how to cook others.

It was my comfort food, a reminder of my family and something that I was at least good at.

The only problem was the ingredients, I had no luck finding sazon in Forks but cumin, coriander and garlic powder worked just as good.

And I was cutting the peppers, onions and garlic for the sofrio when the phone rang.

I slipped and nicked my thumb with the knife. It was barely bleeding but stung violently as the onion juice seeped into it.

"Crap!" I yelled out slamming the knife down as I walked over to the phone.

I angrily sucked my thumb as Jesse excitedly yelled about Michelle having apparently invited him after school.

I was more happy that it was over than their date. Personally I would have been fine with anyone she chose, as long as it wasn't me. But it was nice to hear how happy he was about something so small.

I wondered if I would ever feel like that? Could I ever feel that way about someone? And why did Edward appear in my head when I thought about it?

Jesse's laugh broke me out of my train of thought, he was almost yelling on the phone bragging about his date. He tried to convince me to go, but I had already made my excuse, and I planned on sticking to it.

When I hung up, I tried to focus back on dinner, turning on a small radio Charlie had tucked into the side of the corner against the refrigerator. It was dusty with a bent antenna and seemed to only pick up bits of songs in between static but it was better than silence.

It was on the oldies station, and a man was singing desperately about how unlovable he was. And I couldn't help but relate.

I couldn't understand love, the things that push people together and the want to be by someone's side. I preferred time to myself, the quietness of an empty house and the comfort of not having to worry about the feelings of others.

"If we can't talk, why does he keep talking to me?" I muttered under my breath as I mixed the ground beef with the onions and peppers.

My stomach twisted as it hit me that he knew I was obsessed with him, did he know I was into guys? Is that why he hated me?

Of course that's why… he was no different than everyone else. Just another pretty face, and beautiful voice… and cute personality…and…

"Damn."