This was the first time I met Raphèla out side of my hospital room recovering from the beating that I got from the FBI! But really crushed me was that Justice wanted to be with this creepy FBI director being his lover and secretary! It pains me I could not even look at my son and had to leave him with Joe! I had to write a letter that said why I left him with the only person I'd trust! I tried to know to talk down Jonnie's mother! But then we'll
Dear son
I left with my friend because your mother had betrayed me ultimately causing me to have to leave you! My finest creation but could bare seeing your mother in you! I love you but I don't love your mother! Also i can't give you the life you deserve
Your father Ray
I left a picture a Polaroid of me so my son knew what to look for when he was eighteen! I just hoped that he grew out of his mothers looks at that time! When I was writitng this letter I was crying deeply! It was sad…..but I hoped that he would see me before I passed of old age!
Then I went on to my date with Raphèla was more then understanding the situation that I was when told her able the son I will never see! She saw me more sensitive and sad at first…..the sensitivity I like but not the sadness! I wanted to help my self get on my feet I told her…..basically I had to go back to school!
This time I went back to law school to be a lawyer this time I wanted to be a lawyer! I had to show the world I was a nothing! Raphèla was a social worker and was going to help reconnect with my son when he was 18. She was wonderful and trustworthy! I was hoping that she would help me get back to school.
Not that I was using her! But she had the helpfulnesss! It was her kindness that made me fall in love with her…but still I was scared. When she was able to kiss me this was the first time the men feeling safe in an embrace!
Though my thoughts were still with Justice, I missed her but I did not like her lies! The fact I had to abandon my son because of her behaviour. How could she be so callous and cold blooded. And yet she seemed so warm hearted to me. Then I went home after the date sifted through my mail
Bill bill bill
Then there was a pink envelope I was supposed to do something with it! But I was hoping to put return to sender but there was no return address. Within the pink envelope was a shocker……
It was a letter from her! I froze at the thought about this!
Raymond my darling
I might be with mulder! But I more less under his thumb and I can't to anything that I want! He is controlling and pure evil! My love I made a fucking mistake and I miss you! I also desire you still. You were always the gentlest lover in my life! Please reconsider moving on with anyone!
Desiring you
Justice
This is what I wanted to say to her , one because I had moved on also the titanium plates in my head still fucking hurt!
This was what I wanted to say
You fucking ….. you can fuck off! That was at the top of my brain thought it was still bruised and traumatized!
But instead this flowed from my pen
Justice
I cannot carry the hate I have for you and mulder! Some parts of me wish so say "fuck off". But you were my first love. But I mess you want you and to kiss you. Please come back
Raymond
I still don't know how she got my adress!
I did a post script:
Since you know my adress you can visit just visit!
It hurt me but I did not know if Raphèla would walk in on us! With he name Raphèla I thought off a bad temper so I did not want to risk it! Or do I tell the truth!