Hola, hola!
First off to address a couple questions that I received form last chapter:
Si voy a mover mis historias a Ao3, he querido hacer lo pero me da mucha flojera jaja. Y también no sé muy bien todavía cómo trabaja ese sitio web. Un dia lo hare :'(
Also, I'm approaching this story in a sort of in medias res way, so we still have some background scenes to cover with Kakashi and Sakura and what their relationship was before (some of those scenes included in this chapter). But just to make one thing clear, they did not have an established romantic relationship before Sakura got pregnant–her pregnancy was totally unplanned. I hope that clears some things up!
GRACIAS, THANK YOU for the reviews! When I need some of that sweet, sweet serotonin, I just look back at all the nice reviews you guys leave :)
Also, I wanted to share my playlist for TTWR and really for Kakasaku in general.
Work Song-Hozier
Like Real People Do-Hozier
Not With Haste–Mumford and Sons
Sloom-Of Monsters and Men
Sky Full of Song-Florence and the Machine
Awake My Soul-Mumford and Sons
Bedroom Hymns-Florence and the Machine
Be Still-The Fray
Boots of Spanish Leather-The Lumineers
Caves-The Lumineers
Cherry Wine-Hozier
Coming Down-Halsey
Dead Sea-The Lumineers
Dirty Paws-Of Monsters and Men
Dog Days Are Over-Florence and the Machine
Eyes on Fire-Blue Foundation
Flapper Girl-The Lumineers
For Those Below-Mumford and Sons
Forty Six and 2-Tool
The Ghost on the Shore-Lord Huron
Give Me Love-Ed Sheeran
Gun Song-The Lumineers
House of the Rising Sun-The Animals
It's Called: Freefall-Paris Paloma
I've Been Waiting For You-Mamma Mia 2 Soundtrack
Lover's Eyes-Mumford and Sons
Nobody Knows-The Lumineers
Photograph-Ed Sheeran
Salt and the Sea-The Lumineers
Sober-Tool
Take Me to Church-Hozier
Take On Me-MTV Unplugged Version-A-ha
White Blank Page-Mumford and Sons
With Love-John H Clarke
Idk The Luminners, Mumford and Sons, and Hozier just bring out the Kakasaku in all my stories.
Also, on that note, please, PLEASE, listen to Work Song and Like Real People Do on repeat for this chapter–it really sets the vibe. Those two songs are actually the backbone behind this story. Finally, this chapter contains the birth scene, which is not pretty, so trigger warning for that, but the scene isn't super long.
Chapter 6
Sakura always loved Kakashi.
But sometimes she sits and tries to figure out when or how her feelings transformed and led to the actions of that one night.
She has always loved Kakashi, yes, but thought that that love was a love she had for a friend, a comrade.
She knew she could never love Kakashi as a father or brother figure—he was just too elusive, listless with his emotions, sardonic with his teasing, and generally a pretty lackluster teacher. She used to remember Hinata talking of Kurenai as an older, wiser sister, a feeling Sakura had never even come close to with Kakashi. After witnessing the enormous power and strength Kakashi could wield when the need arose, Sakura always felt two steps away from the elusive sensei she knew. There was always a wall there, a barrier that prevented from establishing familiarity—physical and figurative. That barrier excluded anyone who might try to break it and she knew this well enough when she was under his tutelage, but after she started training under Tsunade and about almost three years of sporadic hello's from across a room and the subsequent reunion as equals and mission partners, Sakura's image of him had shifted.
Sure he was still incurably elusive and frustratingly listless, but with equal footing came a glimpse of a Kakashi behind the emotional and physical mask. He became more relaxed around her, more himself and spoke to her as an equal should. He became comfortable around her, and she did too in turn. Their shared history an anchor to keep them friends and their subsequent equal footing a platform to start a deeper friendship. He had always liked to antagonize with silly jokes and verbal jabs, but now Sakura did it back. She learned his nuances, his habits, and he hers to a point where they were always on the verge of another level.
She hadn't thought too much into their relationship—she liked how they could shift and orbit around each other, not quite touching onto seriousness.
Sakura should have known, or at least guessed, that their relationship could have easily shifted into something else, but they had been at the wrong place and absolutely the wrong time when it had.
Maybe they could have been something more, something better, if they could have had a chance to find out under different circumstances.
…
Sakura gasps out loud one day while reading a heavy medical text she had found in the second hand store Mirio had introduced her to. The book was only a couple years old and Sakura, almost eight months pregnant and bored out of her mind, thought reading was a good enough distraction even if the information might be a tad outdated. So far, she was pleased to say that everything seemed to be a review of information she already knew. Scrolling through a passage on antibiotics, she comes upon a sentence that leaves her gaping like a fish.
Her sudden and violent intake of breath brings Hanako running into the living room.
"Is it the baby?" She asks, frazzled.
Sakura snaps her mouth shut with an audible click and shakes her head at Hanako, not trusting herself to speak lest she open her mouth and only expletives come out.
Hanako regards her for a moment longer with a scrutinizing gaze before shaking her head in exasperation. She retreats back to the kitchen, grumbling the whole way.
Once she's gone, Sakura turns back to the text in her lap and reads the sentence again.
Certain types of antibiotics can lower or negate the effectiveness of contraceptives. Antibiotics that interfere with hormonal contraceptives…
Yes, birth control doesn't always work, but the odds of getting pregnant while on contraceptives is so low that Sakura hadn't even given it a second thought before…
She gets the urge to toss the book across the living room in anger but that would only bring Hanako back with more grumbling and even more questions.
As a medic, Sakura was a bit miffed that she had not known this. That this hadn't come up once during her training with Tsunade on pharmaceuticals.
As a subject of unplanned pregnancy with a huge round belly currently supporting the majority of the weight of the text she was reading, she was all kinds of affronted and moody about it.
Yes, she had been on antibiotics when.. well, when.
She distinctly remembers taking one pill that night, having been close to finishing her prescribed dose. Right before she had joined Kakashi back in—
She stops the thought and memory right there, not having consciously thought about that night for many months now.
Her earlier chagrin returns and she rakes her fingernails on the cover of the text where she grabs it, gritting her teeth. While she doesn't send it flying across the way, Sakura does thump it down onto the couch. She then wiggles, struggling to get to her feet, further fueling her anger. When she's finally on her feet, she stomps past Hanako in the kitchen and almost kicks the door open, heading to the back yard. Maybe she'd punch a rock or something.
She hears Hanako as she passes her, "Ah, the pregnancy rage. Yes, I remember it all too well."
Sakura throws out a fed up gah! and quickly goes to locate a suitable boulder to demolish.
…
Ah, there's Kakashi's face again.
His actual face, sans mask.
She has almost started to miss it. She wonders if their baby will look more like him or like her. Only in her dream can she hope that their baby looks more like him. She sighs wistfully at the thought of a little one with fluffy white hair.
The day Sakura had actually gazed upon his ever elusive face had started as an unremarkable day, and Kakashi, the bastard, had shown her so unceremoniously! She became angry every time she thought about it and she's angry even in her dream right now!
They were on a mission, a simple one really, but so momentous!
Usually Kakashi likes to go on covert missions, ones that could be done without having the interference of other people involved. He likes to get in and out quick, to get the job done within the shadows. This particular mission, though, requires cajoling, fínese in the art of social skills. A hard objective, really, when you wear a mask all the time and no one can read your facial expressions.
Their objective in question needs to believe that the newlywed couple is actually very much in love.
Sakura turns for one damn second, to talk to the person that is their intended target, the owner of a couples resort that actually doubles for a human trafficking base. And when she turns back to her "husband"...
BAM!
There it is! Strong chin, soft lips as if they are sculpted just to annoy her specifically, straight nose, and that jawline!
Sakura flounders and looks like a complete idiot in front of their target. She gazes at Kakashi for five very long seconds before Kakashi swoops in and kisses her on the forehead, making excuses that his "wife" is not used to the heat and that he should better get her back to their room. His lips are so soft on her skin.
"You're beautiful" Sakura whispers, awestruck, once they are back in the room, Kakashi having deposited her on a chair by the small dining table. She props her chin on her hand and gazes at him some more. Anger will come later, she remembers in her dream state. "My one mission in life" Kakashi responds sarcastically, obviously uncomfortable with her starting. His hands twitch as if he wants to pull a fabric over his face again.
Well, that's what he gets for springing something so momentous on her.
"Are you quite done, Sakura?"
"Can I touch it?"
"No."
"...Please?"
"If you stop making such a fuss about it, I pull my mask down more often."
"Promise?" Sakura asks, delighted.
"Not helping your case, Sakura," Kakashi sighs, exasperated, although he does wear a slight smile.
"Fine, you're the ugliest person I've ever met and you suck. How's that?"
Kakashi grins, showing off longer than average canines and pearly white teeth. "Better."
Sakura bites her lip, intrigued by his smile and that small beauty mark on his cheek.
Kakashi sighs disapprovingly again.
Her dream wavers, edges becoming more and more blurry.
Sakura sighs in her sleep, mirroring dream Kakashi. Bastard.
Nah, fuck him, she hopes her baby looks like her.
…
Two weeks later after hours of slight contractions, her water breaks.
Sakura thought nothing of the contractions when they had started in the early morning, because during the last four months, she had experienced similar ones. She had asked Hanako, worried, but Hanako had told her they were normal reactions of her body making room for another, especially for her first child.
Sakura didn't mention the cramping that had started early morning, because she figured that they were more of the same, but now she's sitting in a puddle of her own amniotic fluid.
Miro is not here, having returned to the smithee's after a week and a half of covert work at the farm. He hadn't wanted to go back too early, because they all agreed that keeping Sakura's healing abilities to themselves was best to not draw too much attention to her.
Hanako is there, though, across the kitchen table from her, when Sakura raises her terrified eyes to meet hers.
Hanako furrows her brow at her, "What is it, Sakura?"
She hasn't seen the puddle yet. "My water broke," Sakura whispers, dissociating. "Hanako, it's too early…"
Hanako jolts to her feet as if she's just been electrified in the rear. Her tone changes, becomes instructive, commanding. "Right, deep breaths," she instructs, as she comes around the table to help Sakura to her feet. "Up you go, we have to get you upstairs and into your room."
"I made a mess, I should probably clean it...," Sakura murmurs, feeling as if she is watching the events unfolding in front of her from far away. "Hanako, it's too early."
"Look at me, Sakura!" Hanako snaps. She grabs Sakura's chin and jerks her head round to meet her fierce brown eyes. "Focus, girl! I'm going to need you at your best so your baby is born healthy. I've delivered babies before, okay? I know what I'm doing, and you need to do exactly what I say. Dear," Hanako's never called Sakura that word before, usually it's girl!, or fool and this helps her ground herself, focus so her surroundings are once again clear. Sakura focuses, determination flooding her, making her a livewire as she listens to Hanako continue, "two weeks early is not so bad, alright? It's not ideal, but everything will be okay, trust me."
Sakura takes a deep breath and gives her a sharp nod. "Right. Let's do this."
Halfway up the stairs, Hanako supporting Sakura's weight, a back-breaking contraction rips through her. Sakura halts and hisses, grasping Hanako tighter around the shoulders. She puts most of her strength into the banister that she is clutching with her right hand on purpose, because a burst of chakra comes flying from her fingers and makes a dent in the wood.
Sakura clenches her teeth and furiously chuffs out breath through her gritted teeth.
"That's it. Breathe through it. How long have you been having contractions, Sakura?"
"I guess all day," Sakura gasps, "I didn't realize…"
Hanako nods. "We need to start timing the time in between contractions…" she mumbles, seemingly talking more to herself than a Sakura.
They finally arrive at Sakura's room and Hanako guides her to the bed. First, she helps Sakura lay against the headboard before lifting her yukata and removing her soiled drawers while Sakura grips the sheets as another overwhelming wave of pain flows through her.
Hanako peers at her and then moves her hands to Sakura's belly, kneading her hands around the baby. "You're not dilated enough to start pushing yet, Sakura. I think this might be a long labor, unfortunately, but I do have really good news: the baby is positioned for a healthy birth."
One small mercy, at least. She knows full well that she might not survive anyway, but so be it. At least one of them should live.
Sakura nods strenuously in response, trying to keep all her concentration on breathing in and out through her pain. Sweat drips down her temples and into her eyes.
Hanako moves around her, no doubt preparing the supplies they had already amassed ahead of time in preparation for the birth. Sakura doesn't pay much attention and tenses for another explosion of pain.
Then Hanako is there again, right in her face, her silver-streaked brown hair in a disarray. "Think of it like a wave Sakura," she wipes a damp cloth across Sakura's forehead, "the pain. Don't tense, just think of the sea—a wave rolling over you then receding, then coming back. Back and forth."
Sakura nods again, half delirious with pain, but she tries anyway and thinks of the sea. She had been there before, to the sea. She remembers the clear blue undulating waves, the back and forth over soft, warm sand. She tries to keep the image in her mind through the pain.
She doesn't know how much time passes, but a noise finally draws her attention after what feels like hours.
She turns feverish eyes to the doorway to see Pumpkin leading Mirio by a pant leg.
"What's happening? Pumpkin grabbed me as soon as I came in and dragged—" Mirio starts before he cuts himself off at the sight before him.
"Mirio, good!" Hanako wastes no time. "Boil me some water and bring me fresh towels and a pair of sterilized scissors, right away!"
Mirio nods tersely. "Right."
Time passes again, immeasurable. She faintly hears Hanako and Mirio talking in hushed voices. She knows something is wrong, she feels wrong.
"The labor is difficult, Mirio. Sakura's feverish and fading in and out."
"What does it mean for the baby?"
"I don't know."
Hanako's face hangs over hers like a moon, the silver streaks in her hair shining ever so bright. "Sakura, listen to me. It is time to push. I need you to focus, okay? I know you can do it. Come, dear, we're almost there." Sakura faintly sees her turn to Mirio who has not left the room since he went to fetch Hanako water and towels. "Mirio, help me get her to the edge of the bed."
This is it. That thought slams into her as if she has just run up against a brick wall. Everything she has been fighting for the last eight and a half months culminates to this moment. She must find strength and clarity. She must. She must. She must.
She will.
She blinks as Mirio helps her crouch at the edge of the bed. And then she grits her teeth and concentrates on the pain rolling though her. The only sensation giving her clarity at the moment.
"Gravity is going to do most of the work for us, Sakura. Remember the wave and start pushing."
"Mirio," Sakura gasps,"please let go of my hand. I do not want to break it by accident."
Mirio releases her, but hovers nearby. Hanako is in front of her, hands in between Sakura's open legs. Her eyes slide over the slick blood coating Hanako's arms.
It's nothing. Nothing. Just water. Concentrate.
Sakura starts pushing.
…
Pain.
So much pain.
Sakura has never hurt this much in her entire life...and she'd been impaled before. Sasori's blade plunging into her midsection was a pinch compared to this.
She hears herself screaming. Her lips stretch against her teeth as she looks imploringly at the ceiling.
Her legs shake and she's drenched in sweat as she feels herself spilt open, flesh wrenched, ripped, bloody. Agonizing.
She just remembers the pain.
"We're almost there, Sakura. The child is crowning. Come on, come on! One more!" Hanako yells encouragement over Sakura's agony. Mirio sweeps her hair back and murmurs soft words to her that she cannot focus on.
With an almighty effort Sakura bears down, head tilted back and mouth agape in another fearsome scream.
Something is pulled from her and brought into the world. Something so incredibly small and still in Hanako's arms.
Silence. Gut-wrenching, terrifying silence. Her life narrows down to those few seconds.
Then the most beautiful sound, that Sakura starts sobbing: her baby wails, kicking, screaming with life as Sakura had been just a few seconds ago. Salty tears mix with sweat as they run down her face.
"A girl," Hanako beams as Sakura sinks all the way down to the floor and reaches beseeching arms out for her baby.
Hanako hands her small body over to Sakura, covered in blood and pieces of discolored flesh. They are still connected by the ropy umbilical cord.
Sakura's shaking arms gently hold her little one close. Her eyes are still closed and she has stopped crying once in Sakura's arms. Her small body fits perfectly. She's wrinkly and somewhat purple-hued, small nose, and...pink hair.
Sakura grins and places a soft kiss on the crown of her head. It's too early yet to tell if she will look more like her or Kakashi.
"My love, I waited so anxiously for you," she whispers against her, Sakura's cheek against her tiny one. "Oh, look at you."
Everything that they have gone through was worth it for this moment. Every single thing.
She feels Hanako stroke her hair soothingly and Mirio cups her cheek with a tender smile.
Sakura lets her head fall back against the edge of the wooden frame, exhausted as she gives Hanako and Mirio a wobbly smile. "Thank you," she says to both her and Mirio, voice shaking with emotion. She tries to convey her unending gratitude with those two words, knowing she will never find the words to express how much she loves and owes them both.
"Of course, Sakura," Hanako smiles and removes her hand, "but we still have work to do. You have to expel the afterbirth or else it will fester inside you. Mirio, take the baby in a towel while I cut the cord."
Sakura has a small episode of panic when Miro takes her baby, but then Hanako is hoisting her up again and onto the bed. Miro hovers close with her little bundle.
"You're still running a fever, Sakura."
And she feels it. Her bones ache and she's fading again now that her baby's is safe. "It's okay," she murmurs, eyes rolling up to the ceiling "she's safe now. That's all that matters."
"One more push, Sakura. This is the easy one, I promise," Hanako instructs from very far away.
Sakura has one last push left in her. A slick, bloody lump squelches out of her and finally she is still.
…
"The baby has a fever, too...and Sakura lost a lot of blood."
"Will they survive it?"
"I do not know, but I have a feeling as if their lives are tied tonight, Mirio. Maybe it's just an old woman's foolish superstition, but it's just a feeling I have…"
Her little one is a million miles away, but Sakura swears she dreams of her.
Winding, winding through her dreams she floats away.
Shizune and Tsunade appear and Sakura speaks with them, but doesn't remember a word of their conversation. All she is left with from them is an impression of a smile, proud and encouraging.
She sees Kakashi too. The smile that he bears, eyes creased lovingly, says he's so proud of her. He runs a hand through her hair and pulls her in so their foreheads just barely touch. She breathes him in, woodsmoke and familiarity—even if he is just a construct of her mind—the moment is all the more sweeter for it.
"…She's yours now," Sakura sighs out into the room. "Take care of her, please, I beg you."
But it is Hanako who responds. "None of that," Hanako's bark streaks through her fog. "You have so much left to live for! Fight for it, fool!"
But it's so much easier to let go, Sakura thinks. So much more peaceful.
She whimpers next to Sakura—so small and helpless. Needing her. The agony she labored into love.
Hanako is right, she is a fool.
Sakura wants to hold her tiny feet while she falls asleep and she wants to watch her grow into her skin. Sakura wants to see her full of life, entirely a human being.
And so Sakura chooses life—fights for it—, no matter the blood she has yet to bleed.
…
In the morning, both mother and daughter awake, fever broken.
Hanako awakes to the sound of Sakura singing a sweet lullaby to the baby in her arms.
…
Thanks for reading! We're getting closer and closer to the big reunion, but that's where things get hairy in the sense of the pacing of my story–there's a huge blank chuck before I have another 20k words written for some scenes that wouldn't leave my head. I'm kinda stuck there.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter!