Co-written with miss mika namariya! We own nothing!

It was a fantastic day. A monumental day. A historical day, some might even say. That day, the oft-forgotten pack horse received some sugar cubes with its morning oats.

Oh yeah, and there was a royal wedding.

Not that the packhorse particularly cared. Yes, the packhorse was attending, but found it to be a silly human ritual. What ever happened to sharing a sugar cube? All this pomp and circumstance… humans were bizarre creatures. At least they gave good scritches.

LINE BREAK

The wedding was drawing nearer. Kuu was so nervous he'd eaten half a tablecloth off his breakfast buffet table before he realized what he'd done. Unlike his son, he was not in for a fun night. But, as Julie would remind him, it was not the worst thing he'd ever done to his stomach.

Kuon, for his part, was clinging to the canopy of his bed like a sloth. Why? Well, he was panicking. As the wedding had drawn closer, his worry that something would go wrong had increased. Now that it was actually here… well, he was just waiting for Kyoko's long-lost love to burst through the doors at any moment. So he had decided to hang from the canopy of his bed like a sloth. It made more sense in his head. Maybe.

"Dude. Have some chill," Kijima said from where he was fixing Sir Hoppington's tiny tie. Their matching suits were immaculate.

"Roob." How strange, to agree with his fellow knight. "Rib-roob."

"Seriously, calm down." He walked over and tugged on Kuon's arm, causing the prince to tumble onto his bed. "You've been waiting for this day since you met her. Aren't you excited?"

"Yeah," came the muffled reply. Then he sat up. "It's just — what if something goes wrong?"

"Then she stabs it. Problem solved." He clapped him on the shoulders. "C'mon man, get dressed. You've got a bride to smooch."

Kuon scrambled to obey.

LINE BREAK

Kyoko spun in a circle, beaming as her dress twirled around her. It was perfect. It was shaped exactly the way you'd think — nipping in at the waist to put certain rumors to rest — and was a soft white. The back was semi-open, covered only in lace that mimicked the look of fairy wings. And to top it all off, it held everything she needed. She couldn't have asked for a better dress for her wedding.

Her wedding. It didn't feel real at all, even as she sat down at the vanity. Lady Lily ribbited suggestions as Chiori (decked out in her best pirate regalia, Lory's stolen sapphire ring displayed prominently on her finger) styled her hair and Kanae worked on her makeup. Julie sobbed tears of joy in the background. Maria busied herself painting Kyoko's nails, careful not to get anything on her dress.

A few members of Kyoko's team floated around, making sure their mama looked her best. The rest of the team was spread throughout the castle, ensuring that absolutely nothing would go wrong. It was an important day, after all, and important days were prime for anyone wanting to throw a coup. Not that she really thought anyone would; it just made her feel better to be prepared.

Kyoko could barely sit still, even as Kanae scolded her. This was — this was real, this was happening. She had a True Love. She was marrying him. And right now, she was surrounded by people she loved, who also loved her, helping her get ready.

"Mo, don't cry! You'll mess up your makeup!"

The tears that had started to form sucked themselves back into her tear ducts. "Sorry, Moko," she said, making sure not to move her face too much. Good thing she had studied ventriloquism at the academy.

"Rib-rib!"

"I think she's getting a tiara later, right?" Chiori said, turning to the sobbing Julie for confirmation. She received a watery nod. "Okay, so we need to make sure your hair is good for that, too… where'd the veil go?"

"Rib."

"Oh, okay. Cool. Did you get mucous on it?"

Lady Lily gave her an affronted look as she hopped off the folded veil. As if she would do such a thing!

"Sorry, sorry. Maria, hand me that pin, please."

"One sec — done. Okay, don't touch your dress for five minutes, they need to dry." She put away the polish and handed Chiori a pin. "Here you go."

"Thanks."

A few minutes later, Kyoko was completely ready. Julie stopped sobbing, dried her face, and smiled. "It's time."

LINE BREAK

Dizzy. Kuon was dizzy. He was standing next to the officiant at the end of a long aisle, waiting for Kyoko while everyone stared at him. And by everyone, he meant the entirety of the nobility, all of his extended family, the Hoppington Family in their portable tank (minus Sir Hoppington, whom Kijima was holding on a velvet cushion next to Kuon), the pack horse, Yogurt the library cat, a shimmering part of the air he assumed to be the garden's fairy population, Chiori's pirate crew (already dressed in costume for their performance later that evening), the scholars, the entire population of Trovahale (wow, that was a lot of chickens), and the whole castle staff. So yes, he was feeling a little dizzy.

And then the doors at the end of the aisle opened, and the music began.

Maria walked down the aisle first, scattering flower petals.

Then came Chiori in her pirate best, grinning. She had a sword on her hip.

Next was Kanae. She actually gave Kuon a genuine smile, perhaps the first he'd ever received from her — followed by a mouthed warning. Don't you dare hurt her.

He nodded, then turned back to the aisle. The music swelled. He might have stopped breathing.

Kyoko.

She looked ethereal, practically floating — was she floating? He couldn't tell for sure — down the aisle towards him. The end of her veil — his mother's veil — was held aloft by something he couldn't see. And her smile — he had to grab Kijima's shoulder to stay standing. She'd never looked so happy. Her eyes sparkled when they met his.

He vaguely registered Lory at her side, handing her off to him. Then her hands were in his and he knew nothing else. Everyone else faded into the background, and it was just them.

They exchanged their vows, unable to tear their eyes away from each other.

And then —

"I do," times two.

Someone — it must have been the officiant, but it may as well have been Sir Hoppington for all Kuon was aware — said, "You may kiss the bride."

So he did, and did, and did.

Eventually, when they broke apart, the officiant would crown Kyoko as a princess using the tiara Kuon had commissioned to be made from what was left of Princess Rosa's hilt. Eventually, the doors would burst open and the raccoons from the forest would run in, dumping a dowry's worth of mushrooms and berries at their feet. Eventually, they would walk down the aisle as a married couple.

But for now, they kissed, oblivious to how the magic of True Love's kiss made the air sparkle around them.

LINE BREAK

It was rather funny, Kuon thought, that on the day of them celebrating their love for one another, the bride and groom got so little time to talk to each other. Kuon and Kyoko stood side by side in the reception line to greet their guests, but there was no time for the two of them to speak to each other. Every guest had to be greeted, and because it was a royal wedding, there were a lot of them. Some Guy Ted was in charge of announcing each guest, while Yashiro was in charge of (politely) hurrying them along after the formalities and congratulations were done with. Kuon's cheeks hurt from smiling, and his formal boots were beginning to pinch his toes. Halfway through, he gave up doing anything beside a stately nod. Still, even if he couldn't talk to Kyoko, he could hold her. His arm went around her waist, and he tucked her into his side (or at least, as close to his side as her dress allowed, given the volume of her skirt). Kyoko didn't seem to mind in the least. Which made sense, after all, seeing as she was now his wife. His wife. How satisfying that word felt, as Kuon said it to himself. There was something solid and sturdy about it, like the reassuring weight of the gold ring on his finger. They would live Happily Ever After, Kuon thought with a beaming smile. Nothing would ever come between them.

Except all of the festivities, apparently.

The raccoons, who had of course come because Kyoko was of the Wild Forest in the same way they were, were having a blast. After dropping off her dowry (which, Kyoko would discover later, included not just mushrooms and berries, but also things pilfered from unwary travelers), they sat through the ceremony. That wasn't the fun part — they'd been kept in their seats by Kyoko's team — but they did get some cool bow ties out of it.

The fun part came when everyone had filtered into the reception hall. While all the stupid humans (and human-like creatures) were distracted by the pirates' musical performance, the raccoons found, opened, and went absolutely ham on the champagne. By the time the musical was done, the champagne was gone. All that was left were some very wasted raccoons.

(Don't worry about the raccoons, by the way — being creatures from a Wild Forest, they are heartier than your average trash pandas. They'll be a little hungover, but nothing else bad will happen to them. Well, aside from the garden fairies playing a prank or two.)

Meanwhile, the chickens had taken the floor. They were inventing the chicken dance several centuries ahead of schedule. Such is the power of True Love. One of the chickens from the Trovahale contingent— a rather dashing white rooster— landed on the head of a baronet with such spunk and aplomb that there was nothing to do but declare it to be the most fashionable look of the season, and several noblewomen discreetly summoned their maids to make appointments with the milliner tomorrow and acquire some feathered hats.

Lory found it deeply unfair that when Sir Genji wore a live animal on his body it was trendy, but when he wore a live animal it was dangerous and a public health hazard and isn't that a tropical snake?

Then it was time for the bouquet toss - both Kuon and Kyoko had put their feet down about not having a garter throw - and every eligible maiden clustered behind Kyoko. However, none but Kanae knew how strong Kyoko's throwing arm was, so they were all close behind her… including Kanae, who had no interest in nuptials of her own. The bouquet, of course, sailed over all of their heads -

- and straight into the gesturing hand of Sir Kijima, who had been insisting to a fellow knight that no one person could ever tie him down. Sir Hoppington, who had been listening to the two humans' conversation from Kijima's suit pocket, ribbited with amusement.

Kyoko and Kuon came over to congratulate the spluttering, stunned Kijima and relieve him of his frog. After all, he might be meeting his True Love tonight, with all the people at the wedding! He couldn't be distracted by his duties to the first Frog to the Throne.

Sir Hoppington settled into Kuon's front suit pocket instead, pleased.

Kuon was considerably less pleased when it came time to cut the cake. He was not thrilled about eating cake in front of the entire kingdom… not to mention worried that the head chef might have used this opportunity to make the heaviest, sweetest, richest cake imaginable. How was he going to be able to choke that down without causing a scene?

In the end, he needn't have worried. Kyoko fed it to him so sweetly that he lost the ability to register taste - especially when she casually brushed frosting off the corner of his mouth. Truly an orange cat of a man.

And like an orange cat of a man, he forgot most of the rest of the evening. Oh, sure, he knew there was dancing and feasting and speeches and - well. He knew what there was expected to be at weddings. The parts he remembered best were the parts where he danced with Kyoko - spinning her, watching her dress flare out, then tugging her back to him, the feeling of her body against his - and whenever a guest would tap their glass with their utensils. Kuon vaguely heard someone (probably Kijima) snicker about making them kiss until their lips came off, but frankly, that would be a fantastic way to lose his lips.

Then finally, finally, they were able to sneak back to what were now their chambers. They said goodnight to the Hoppington family, and then Kyoko drew privacy curtains around their tank.

"When did those get there?"

"Mmm, a few days after you proposed?" Kyoko turned to him with a smile he had never seen on her before, but had desperately wanted to. He suddenly gave zero fucks about anything other than getting her out of her wedding dress.

Only problem was, with every layer that came undone, he found at least three more weapons.

That is, it would be a problem for someone who was a fucking coward. Kuon had never been more turned on in his life… except maybe when she had held a knife to his throat.

That night, Kuon learned how many weapons Kyoko kept on her at any given time… and Kyoko finally got to see his sleeping knife. She wasn't even disappointed that it wasn't sharp, as it was very good at other things.

Now, let's make like the Hoppingtons and give them some privacy.