Once they were safely in their house, Lan Zhan made sure that Wei Ying had his dinner. It had been over five hours since the latter had eaten, and he did not want him to delay his meal any longer.
Thankfully, Wei Ying had no complaints about this. He ate the food Uncle Jiang had set aside for him without a problem; he must have gotten hungry on the way home.
"Would you like dessert, baobao?" Lan Zhan inquired once he was finished.
He said no. "Maybe later, sweetheart. I'm full," he responded. He walked over to the sink to clean his dishes.
"I could have done that for you, you know."
"Yeah, but it's fine. It's only a plate and chopsticks. Besides, you almost always wash the dishes."
"Because I do not mind it. You do not like to often."
Wei Ying shrugged. "That's true. It doesn't hurt me to do them sometimes, though."
Lan Zhan nodded once. "Mn. What are you doing this evening?"
"Uh...I don't know, to be honest. Other than letting Shijie know we made it here safe, I haven't planned anything else. I'll figure it out, I guess. Why? What will you be doing?"
"Not much. Going to bed at nine, as usual. And it will be eight soon."
Wei Ying looked at the clock after putting his dishes in their respective places. "Yeah. Did you want to do something before then?"
"Perhaps we could talk? About earlier? If you have no wish to, I understand."
"No, I'm not in the mood. I already said what I had to say anyhow. There's nothing else to talk about regarding that. I really don't want to think about it anymore either. I am sorry I left the house now, though. I didn't mean to make any of you worry."
Lan Zhan kissed him on the lips and embraced him. "I know you did not, baobei. We just didn't want harm to come to you. That would have made the situation worse."
Returning the affection, he mumbled, "I know. I'm sorry."
"It is fine. These past two weeks have been more than rough. The stress had gotten to you. And I understand that."
"Yeah. It did. Thanks for not letting me be out there alone, sweetheart."
"There's no need to thank me, baobao. Just be mindful next time."
"I will."
They headed upstairs to change into their pajamas after that. Wei Ying texted Jiang Yanli once he did and made sure that she was all right. He also sent a few messages to Uncle Jiang, hoping that his trip home went safely.
To his relief, he told him that it did. However, he was quite annoyed right then. Madam Yu had locked him out of their bedroom, so he would have to sleep in one of the spares. She did ask if he and Lan Zhan were all right through the door, though. But other than that, she refused to speak to him.
Wei Ying couldn't say that this was unexpected. She had done this numerous times in the past. Still, he felt equally irritated for him. Even Lan Zhan's mouth thinned in displeasure. She was being so childish and petty.
"I don't understand her sometimes. I don't know why she can't attempt to get along with him," the former commiserated.
But of course they both knew the true reason why she wouldn't.
Lan Zhan held him close. He knew how much it bothered him when Uncle Jiang and Madam Yu fought. "They will have to settle this matter on their own. Hopefully, before long," he remarked.
"Yeah, but you can never tell with them."
"Mn."
Wei Ying stayed in his arms for a while, then kissed him on the cheek and stood up. "I'll be back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette."
"All right. And after?"
"I still don't know yet. I'll probably study or look over my homework to be sure everything is correct. But that can always wait until tomorrow. Maybe I'll just play a game on my phone or something."
"Mm. Why not draw or sketch? Or start on a painting? You haven't done either. Not in some time."
Sighing deeply, Wei Ying responded, "I haven't really felt like it. There's not much that has been inspiring me. Anything I draw would be depressing anyway."
"I understand that. It may help to relieve some stress, however. You told me once that drawing and painting takes things off your mind."
"Yeah, I know. I guess I'll think about it another time, but not right now."
Lan Zhan nodded. "There is no rush. Do either when you are ready."
Wei Ying inclined his head too.
Having a smoke settled him down further. It allowed him to think more clearly. Then again, the Emperor's Smile he had earlier could have been helping along with it. He flicked the ashes out of the window intermittently, noticing how peaceful the evening was beyond it. If only it were like that at Uncle Jiang's house. The entire day would have been a calmer one.
Oh, well, he sighed to himself. There was nothing he could do about it. He just hoped that tomorrow would be better. He didn't need all of his weekends to be as stressful as these past two have been so far.
Unfortunately, however, he was not to get his wish. Especially not for tomorrow. In fact, he would eventually mark this day as the time when everything steadily became even more worse. Much worse before the chance came for anything to get better.
xXXXXXXx
The following morning started off normally enough. Wei Ying arose after eleven as he usually did on the weekends, even though he hadn't gone to bed late this time. He had spent the rest of his evening playing games on his phone, as he told Lan Zhan he might. He felt too mentally exhausted from yesterday's events to check over his homework.
Perhaps that was why he felt asleep earlier than he thought he would, which was before 12:00am. Of course, he still got up late, but that was likely due to the fact that he was so tired.
He heard soft noises coming from downstairs as he sat up, indicating where Lan Zhan was. He was probably in the living room, or about to make breakfast.
He wondered if they would be visiting Lan Qiren today as he got out of bed. However, after what happened at Uncle Jiang's last night, Lan Zhan may not want to. He couldn't say that he would blame him if that were so. At the same time, he knew that Lan Zhan didn't like missing a Sunday dinner with his own uncle, even if it was necessary.
Wei Ying picked out the clothes he would wear with a sigh. They would have to decide what to do over breakfast.
He was just putting the creams and ointments for his injuries on the bathroom sink when there was a knock on the door. Knowing it was Lan Zhan, he told him to come in. Even though he didn't have to do that, Wei Ying appreciated it. He understood that Lan Zhan didn't want to unintentionally scare him with an abrupt entrance, especially if he may not be dressed.
"Good morning, baobao," the latter greeted as he walked in. "I came to check on you. How are you feeling?"
Wei Ying smiled a little. "Hey, Airen. I'm okay. Just woke up about ten minutes ago. Are you all right?" he queried.
"Mn."
He nodded. "That's good. So, what's on the agenda for today? Are we staying home?"
"It is more than likely we will. I called Shufu; he prefers that we do. But he wants us to be careful if we choose to visit. Xiongzhang is willing to take us there, of course. I spoke to him as well. However, he also thinks it's best we remain here."
"I figured they would say that," Wei Ying remarked with another sigh. "I don't know if I really feel like going through all of the hassle of being driven or escorted today anyhow."
Lan Zhan pursed his lips. "Neither do I, to be honest. We can still have that candlelit dinner I mentioned if we stay. That is, if you would like to."
"Sure. That sounds nice. Well, I guess we'll just have to take it as it comes." He stepped into the bathtub. "Oh, can you get my body wash for me, please? I forgot to take it out of the closet."
"Mn."
Wei Ying heard a door open as he turned the shower on. However, when Lan Zhan reached past the curtain to give the bottle to him, everything stopped.
In his hand was his spicy cinnamon body wash.
The one he had used that day...the day that...
Suddenly, Wei Ying was unable to breathe. He could feel Wen Chao's arm around his throat. And the air on the back of his neck as he sniffed at it.
"Mmmmm," Wen Chao hummed behind him. "You actually smell pretty good for someone who used to be a dirty little homeless..."
Before he knew what he was doing, Wei Ying grabbed the bottle and threw it across the room. It slammed into the opposite wall with a BANG, the noise jerking him completely out of his flashback.
Lan Zhan startled, gaping at the body wash, then at him again in confusion.
It was at that moment when realization came to Wei Ying. He pulled himself together as much as he could before shaking his head.
"S-Sorry. N-Not that one. The...the lotus-scented one," he clarified in a quiet voice.
Understanding filled Lan Zhan's expression as he nodded slowly. After retrieving the desired body wash for him, Wei Ying turned away, his hair obscuring his face.
"Don't look at me," he whispered as he bowed his head. He felt so ashamed of what he did, even though it wasn't intentional. The bottle had nearly hit Lan Zhan! He could have hurt him!
The latter did not do as he requested. Instead, he placed a hand on his shoulder and caressed it gently with his thumb.
Tears filled his eyes as he tried to move away from him. He didn't believe that he deserved his kindness, understanding, or comfort. "No. Stop. You should be pissed. Don't look at me," he repeated in a broken voice.
"Shhhh, Wei Ying," Lan Zhan murmured, drawing him in for a tight hug and kissing him. "I could never be upset you about that. I understand what happened. It was an accident. I know you wouldn't throw anything at me on purpose. Not in that manner."
"But what if it had hit you? I almost did. It would have hurt you."
"Perhaps. Nevertheless, it still would have been an honest mistake. And I still wouldn't be angry. As I said, it wouldn't have been on purpose."
Then Lan Zhan exhaled deeply. "This is my fault, if anything. I remember you using it last Monday. I am sorry. I shouldn't have offered it to you."
"No, Airen. Don't say that. It's really my fault. I meant to throw it away, but I forgot. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't."
"You cannot blame yourself for that either, my love. Much has been going on between now and then. So, it makes sense that you would forget that temporarily."
Wei Ying didn't comment on this. He just pulled away from the embrace, still refusing to look at him.
This made Lan Zhan feel even more guilty. He hesitated briefly, then cupped his cheek. "I will let you wash up now. But do you need me to stay? Will you need help with your injuries?"
He knew that he had been tending to them on his own for the past week, but he always asked him this question, just in case. Sometimes doing it himself made him anxious because of the idea of having a potential flashback.
Wei Ying shook his head. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he remained. "No, I'll be fine. They don't really hurt that much anymore. I can handle it. Thank you, though."
"...All right. But call for me if you change your mind. I will be making your breakfast."
"No, that's okay. I feel too nauseous to eat anything right now."
Lan Zhan had no way of arguing with that; he did look sick to his stomach. However, who would blame him after what happened? "Very well. But if you can, please try to have lunch later." He then walked over to where the body wash had been thrown and picked it up. "I will dispose of this for you."
"Thank you. I'm...I'm sorry, sweetheart," he couldn't help but mumble.
"No need to be, baobao. As I said, it was an accident. Do not be so hard on yourself. I will be in the study if you need me."
"Okay."
After he had left the bathroom, Wei Ying leaned into the cold tile, barely noticing the water raining down on him. More tears blurred his vision as he thought of how the situation could have turned out if he had hit Lan Zhan. He doubted that he would have been so forgiving then - when he couldn't even forgive himself - no matter that it also would have been unintentional. He likely he would have been extremely upset with him too. Wei Ying couldn't see why he wouldn't have been.
But if he was still forgiving even then, and still not angry, he would never understand how.
I wouldn't either, Wen Chao's voice sneered in his head with a laugh. You better learn how to control yourself before you become a danger to your precious fiancé. If that happens, you will be all alone because you will have driven him - as well as other people - away. You will be seen as a monster; no one will have anything to do with you. And you will have deserved it.
Wei Ying choked out a sob. He couldn't bear the idea of that. Of driving Lan Zhan, or even his family and friends away. Yet, he feared that this may end up being true should it come to pass.
It was some time before he managed to collect himself enough to take his shower. He washed himself vigorously; the flashback had left him feeling dirty as well as nauseous.
Once he was done and had put his clothes on, he went to lay down in the spare room. He didn't want to be in his and Lan Zhan's. Wei Ying knew he would eventually go in there, and he still wasn't ready to face him. Nor could he still handle the idea of him looking at him.
And he didn't know when he would be able to either.
Wei Ying slid the covers over himself, buried his face in his pillow, and cried silently.
Meanwhile
Lan Zhan was still in the study, checking the emails he received from his job. His mind barely processed anything he had read, though. It was almost entirely centered on Wei Ying and his reaction to the flashback he had.
Guilt continued to surge through him as - like he did the first time Wei Ying experienced one - he blamed himself for it. How could he have forgotten that he had stopped using that body wash after that horrible Monday so easily? Why had he not paid attention? Yes, a lot had been going on since then, but he should have noticed that simple detail. This situation wouldn't have occurred otherwise. It was all his fault.
A part of him was relieved that Wei Ying declined his help, even though it hurt at the same time. He believed that he more than earned it for failing to protect him from being triggered. He had been trying to remove anything that would during these past two weeks, but he was clearly not thorough enough. He didn't see how he would be able to meet Wei Ying's eye after this any more than his fiancé could do likewise. Not for a while, at least. He almost wished that he were furious with him. He would have been able to handle that; he felt that he would have deserved it.
With another heavy sigh, Lan Zhan forced back the tears that had welled in his eyes and returned his attention to his emails. He would give Wei Ying a bit more time to himself before speaking to him later. He knew that he needed it.
After he was finished, he called his uncle. There would be no visits to his house today. Wei Ying would want to remain at home, and frankly, so did he.
Lan Zhan chose not to go into detail about why they were. He just told him that Wei Ying was not feeling well, and Lan Qiren understood and didn't question it. Then he hung up and contacted his brother to let him know, too.
"Hello again, Wangji," Lan Xichen greeted when he answered. "Have you decided that you will be going to Shufu's? Do you need me to pick you up?"
Lan Zhan exhaled deeply a third time. "About that, Xiongzhang. No. Wei Ying and I will not be."
"Oh? Why not, didi? Has something happened? Should I come over?"
"Mn. Something did. But you do not have to. It is not an emergency."
"Are you sure? What happened?"
Lan Zhan hesitated, wondering if he should give an honest response to this question. He decided to a moment later; he knew he could tell him anything. But as with his uncle, he felt it best not to go into detail.
"Wei Ying had a flashback earlier, and he is shaken up from it. I don't think he will want to go anywhere. And I don't want to leave him here alone."
Lan Xichen hummed with sadness and concern. "I understand. Do you want to talk more about it?"
"No. Not about what happened in itself," He knew Wei Ying would be upset if he revealed to his brother that he had nearly hurt him. The fact that it was accidental would not have mattered. "All I can tell you is that I am to blame, Xiongzhang. It is because of my forgetfulness that he had one. Wei Ying thinks that how he reacted is his fault, but it isn't."
"Don't say that, Wangji. Neither of you are at fault, regardless of what occurred or how it did. You love Wei Ying very much, and you would never do something that would hurt him intentionally. I know you would do your best not to harm him unintentionally as well. The same can be said for Wei Ying. Stop beating yourselves up. He will come around, and so will you."
Lan Zhan doubted that he would anytime soon, and he couldn't speak for Wei Ying, so he kept this to himself.
His brother sighed. "Well, I will call you later then, didi, but let me know if anything else comes up. Have you spoken to Shufu?"
"Mn."
"All right. Tell Wei Ying I said hello and give him my best. Good-bye."
"Good-bye, Xiongzhang. Give mine to Meng Yao."
"I will."
And with that, Lan Zhan hung up.
He then left to check on Wei Ying. He knocked on the door to the spare room, remembering that he heard him enter it not an hour ago.
"Yeah?" his fiancé answered in a toneless voice.
"It's me, baobao. May I come in, please? Or do you need more time alone?"
There was no reply at first. He was obviously thinking over his questions.
"...Sure," he eventually mumbled. "You can if you want."
When Lan Zhan opened the door, he saw that Wei Ying was almost entirely buried under the covers. He exhaled deeply as he laid down next to him.
"Hello. I came to see if you are feeling a little better," the former whispered, stroking his arm.
The latter shifted. "Not really. But maybe I will later. Are you okay? I'm still sorry about what I did."
"It's fine, baobei. I am not hurt. You have no need to apologize." He kissed Wei Ying's hair, which was the only part of him that was visible, and stood up. "I am going to make lunch. Do you want anything in particular?"
"...No. But can you make sure that it isn't too heavy, sweetheart? I don't think my stomach can take it."
"Mn. I will let you know when the food is ready. Please come down when it is."
"...I can't."
Lan Zhan frowned. "Why not?"
Wei Ying shifted once more. "Because I still can't bear to look at you right now. Can you bring my lunch up here instead, please? I promise that I'll eat it. I just...I just need more time alone."
This statement ripped his heart in two. Even though he understood why he wouldn't, it pained him regardless. They had always eaten together at home since Wei Ying moved in.
Nevertheless, Lan Zhan inclined his head, knowing that giving him his space would be best for now. "Mn. All right. I will be back."
"Okay. Thank you."
"You are welcome."
Lan Zhan kept the door open so that he wouldn't have trouble carrying his food in when he returned. After looking over what he had in the kitchen, he decided to make Winter Melon Soup. It would be light enough not to bother Wei Ying's stomach, yet filling. He needed that since he hadn't eaten breakfast.
He set to work then, getting the broth and the other ingredients ready before cooking. He added ham to Wei Ying's serving when he was finished nearly an hour later, having prepared it separately. Because Lan Zhan was a vegetarian, he didn't eat meat often.
Wei Ying was sitting up when he came back to the room with a tray. This would have been some relief to Lan Zhan if he hadn't noticed how red his eyes were. It was obvious that he had been crying. He felt his heart pang, but at least Wei Ying wasn't hiding himself away now. That was an improvement, even if he still wouldn't meet his gaze.
"Here you are, baobei. I made Winter Melon Soup. I seasoned it the way you like. I know you would have preferred Emperor's Smile, but I brought you water to drink instead. You do not want to become dehydrated," the latter murmured.
"Thank you, Airen. I'll just have some later, I guess." Wei Ying said as he placed the tray on his lap carefully.
"Mn. And you are welcome. I will return in a half hour. I should also be finished eating by then."
"Okay."
Lan Zhan thought that it was just as well that he made soup. To be honest, he did not have much of an appetite either. His unhappiness had increased, especially since Wei Ying was not joining him for lunch. He had nearly asked him if he wouldn't mind if he sat with him, but he knew that Wei Ying wouldn't have wanted that.
He only hoped that he was eating at least. Nothing good would come out of it if he skipped another meal. He could possibly begin to feel faint and even more agitated than he was now.
Thankfully, Lan Zhan had no need to worry about this. Wei Ying's bowl and cup were empty on the tray when he headed upstairs once more to retrieve it. He must have been hungry.
"Hello again. Did you like your soup?" he queried.
Wei Ying nodded at his legs. "Yeah, it was delicious. I actually just finished it," he replied quietly.
Lan Zhan inclined his head too. "Good. Thank you. Do you need or want anything else before I take the tray down?"
"Not right now. I'm fine."
"All right."
And with that, Lan Zhan tilted his chin up before leaning over to kiss him deeply. Tears pricked Wei Ying's eyes. He believed that he didn't deserve it. Nevertheless, he engaged in the kiss, whether he did or not. He still wanted to feel his love.
Lan Zhan then kissed him on the cheek and hugged him afterwards. "I will check on you again soon, mn?" he inquired, stroking his hair.
He managed a tiny grin as he returned the embrace. "Okay. See you later," he whispered.
"Mn."
Neither of them did much for the rest of the afternoon. Lan Zhan took care of a several things around the house and read a novel on his tablet. He would paused once when his brother contacted him to find out if their situation had improved. The former dejectedly said that it hadn't, which increased Lan Xichen's worries. However, Lan Zhan assured him that Wei Ying would feel better later. He just needed a little more time to process everything.
Wei Ying continued to lay in bed for a while. He texted Jiang Yanli at one point, but he didn't tell her what happened. He wasn't ready to at moment. Lan Xichen sent him one, asking if he was all right. He also told him that he hoped to see him and Lan Zhan at their uncle's next weekend if it was possible. Eventually, he got up to look over his homework in the study. He had forgotten that he meant to do so the previous evening.
Lan Zhan heard him walking into the room and checked on him as promised. Other than the fact that Wei Ying appeared to be tired, he didn't seem as upset as he had been for most of that day. This was good. He just wanted him to feel better. After talking to him briefly, he left him to finish what he was doing.
Unfortunately, dinner was the same as lunch, with them both eating alone. Their evening following the meal was also just as quiet, with Lan Zhan keeping an eye on Wei Ying periodically. He tried to discuss matters with him once or twice, but he still was not prepared to as of yet.
It wasn't until late that night when Wei Ying finally stopped avoiding him. He missed him so much, and though he still felt ashamed about what he did, he couldn't stay away from him any longer.
As usual, Lan Zhan was already asleep when he entered their bedroom. Being careful not to make any noise, he changed into his pajamas before laying next to him. He gently kissed his cheek, then turned over and dozed off within minutes.
He woke up an unknown amount of time later when he felt something wrapping around him. He opened his eyes in sleepy confusion, but it turned out that it was only Lan Zhan's arm.
"I love you," his fiancé whispered, pecking his ear.
Torn between smiling in relief and holding back tears, he responded in a thick voice, "I love you too, Airen."
Lan Zhan started a bit; he thought that he was still sleeping. "I apologize, baobei. I did not mean to wake you."
"It's okay. I'm the one who's sorry. For keeping away from you. I know you wanted to talk to me and make me feel better. I just wasn't ready to." He embraced him. "And I'm sorry for not eating dinner with you, at the very least. I was thinking of taking up your suggestion for a candlelit one earlier, before...that happened. It really did sound nice, like I told you earlier."
He gave him another kiss as he hugged him back. "No need to explain. You wished for time alone to process everything. And I understand that. We will discuss it soon, when you are prepared for it. We can have our candlelit dinner another time as well."
Wei Ying nodded. "Okay. That sounds good."
"Mn. Let's go back to sleep now. We have our classes tomorrow."
"Unfortunately."
He wasn't looking forward to another potentially insane week. Then again, Lan Zhan wasn't either.
"I agree it is horrible there right now. If worse comes to worse, we will have to speak to Mr. Yan. Perhaps we can arrange to have our classes online instead. He is aware of our situation. And Shufu told me that I can always work from home. He feels it might be safer."
Snorting, Wei Ying muttered, "We'll probably end up having to. Horrible doesn't even cover how things are at school. It's a shit-show there. And you said it's not much better at the firm. Your coworkers are just quieter about it."
"Mn."
"But we can talk about this again when we need to. I'm tired."
Lan Zhan nodded. "Mn."
And after kissing each other lovingly, they settled down to rest once more. Lan Zhan placed his arm around him again as he drifted off. Wei Ying smiled a little and moved closer to him before joining him in sleep.
Author's note: Happy Second-Year Anniversary to this story! I hope that the chapter wasn't too sad for all of you, but I wanted to end it on a good note. Let me know what you think. I hope the next chapter written and posted soon. Again, thank you so much for reading and for staying on this journey for so long!
Oh, and here is the original ending to the chapter. I decided to change it so that they could clear things up:
(He woke up an unknown amount of time later when he felt something wrapped around him. He opened his eyes in sleepy confusion, but it turned out that it was only Lan Zhan's arm. He must have arisen at some point and fallen back asleep.
Wei Ying smiled, squeezed his hand after linking his fingers with his, and did the same.)