AN: I had started off intending to put some work into another chapter of Gigant, because some fans of the story have come forward with suggestions on how I might proceed with it, some of which I really like. But I can't get into the right headspace to consider how I might implement some of those suggestions until I finish the current mini-arc I've got going, which should only be one more chapter, two at most. But at some point in the process of writing that, I ended up writing this instead. Which...I guess isn't that surprising, since cranking these things out while I study for my exams has become something of a weird tradition over the last year. But in theory, that means that I'll probably try doing that Gigant chapter once my winter break starts in a couple of weeks. Until then, hopefully this will tide some of you over.

StillaWeirdGuy: I'm generally not a fan of shrinking stories. And besides that, it'd be so divorced from the core premise of this story that it would be less of an AU and more of an entirely new story altogether. So, probably not going to be doing that, sorry. But if you haven't already checked it out, Mr. Tyedye has a story on the subject that even I enjoyed. And I feel like there's at least one or two more of those floating around this site.

darkkrt: I actually checked out that show out of curiosity, and yeah, it does seem to have TLH beat in that particular area, which is kinda funny. Makes the jokes about TLH being a harem anime that much more credible. But the show didn't endear itself to me beyond that. Cool to know it exists though.

The screeching of her alarm clock launched Lori Loud from the comforting depths of restful, dream-filled slumber into the cold, unfeeling reality that was the waking world. In her state of partial delirium, Lori's animal instincts kicked in and determined that the only rational recourse in this instance would be to destroy the interloper who had intruded upon the sanctity of her slumber and initiated the process that would send her fist smashing into offending machinery.

Seconds passed and still, the air was filled with the shrill bleating of the damnable device. But in suffering, enough of Lori's brain functions were spurred into action to allow the eldest Loud sibling to come to a startling conclusion. Her fist had not commenced with smashing. Forcing her eyes open, and immediately regretting it, as she was now contending with deafening noise and the unreasonably bright sunlight that was streaming into her room, Lori let out a snarl of frustration, and once again sent the kill order to her fist.

A few things happened at that point, while others, most emphatically did not happen. Again, there was no destruction of the evil sound box (if anything, the noise level seemed to increase), but Lori did feel the jostling of her arm as it sought to heed her command but was incapable of doing so. This was comforting, in a way, as it immediately ruled out the possibility that she'd suffered an impromptu amputation, or brain in a jar-ing during her sleep (both things that their parents had forbidden Lisa from ever doing again). However, it failed to answer the very pertinent question as to why Lori's body was incapable of completing what should, as evidenced by the pile of shattered alarm clocks that littered the inside of her nightstand drawer, have been a very simple task.

Turning her head, Lori immediately saw the problem; her arm was being held in place by a mass of duct tape. Which, upon further inspection, seemingly enveloped the rest of her body. With a growl of annoyance, she struggled mightily against her bonds until finally, she heard the telltale sound of tape beginning to peel.

Too late did she notice that the more she tore at her sticky prison, the more her body began to sag...upward? Which seemed to defy all logic, even by Loud House standards. Still, she struggled, and with one last, mighty heave, burst free like a butterfly from its cocoon—!

—only to find herself slamming into the...ceiling?

Dazed and contused, Lori struggled to her feet and stumbled, haltingly towards her upside-down bedroom door. She failed to notice the glistening pile of liquid placed discretely along the path to her apparent freedom until she'd already stepped into it—

"Eep!"

And slipped—

"Ahhhhhh—!"

And collided with a large pile of feathers that had been conspicuously placed in the far corner of her room, with a resounding Fwump!

As Lori struggled to rise, feathers clinging to her exposed arms and legs, she remembered what day it was. And suddenly, everything snapped into place.

"LUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" She roared, looking like the world's angriest chicken.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Lincoln winced as a powerful, predatory cry split the air. Apparently, Lori was awake.

"Luan!" He hissed from where he crouched outside, holding the currently upside-down Loud House in place. He leaned to the side and peered around the structure, trying to bring the brunette into view without losing his hold and sending his family home tumbling to the ground. "Are you done yet? I don't know how much longer I can hold this thing!"

That was a lie, being incredibly strong was one of the few perks that came with his gargantuan growth spurt. Had he a mind to do so, and wasn't cursed with terminal butterfingers, Lincoln was reasonably certain he could juggle not only his own home but a few more comparably sized homes besides. But Lincoln was less concerned with honesty at the moment, and more concerned with getting out of dodge before anyone from his family could link him to the deluge of tricks and traps that Luan had somehow scattered throughout the house, determined to not let a little thing like being physically incapable of fitting inside the house stop her from celebrating her favorite holiday.

"Keep your pants on, Linc," Luan retorted. Before pausing her work, and glancing pointedly at his bare legs.

"Or don't," She added, giving him a lascivious grin.

"Luan!"

"Fine! Fine!" She chortled, returning to her task. With quick and efficient movements, Luan began retrieving steel beams from a (proportionately speaking) small pile she'd set up nearby, and twisted and bent them to suit her needs, the rigid metal yielding to her powerful fingers with little more resistance than clay would have put up.

"And...done!" She announced, as she climbed to her feet and stretched. "Whatcha think, Linc?"

Lincoln's attention was fully, and utterly on his sister, whose movements were causing her tattered, patchwork dress to cling enticingly to her colossal, curvaceous frame. With a tremendous exertion of willpower, he managed to pull his eyes away—

—but not before catching the knowing smirk on Luan's lips. She knew. She always knew when he was looking.

"It looks...good," He said, giving the structure a once over as he tried to ignore the burning in his cheeks. In a process that almost seemed alchemical after the fact, Luan had taken a pile of steel and had woven it into a large "brace", of sorts, to hold the house in place. Gingerly, he loosened his hold on the house little by little until he wasn't touching it at all, and still it stood. A testament to his sister's ingenuity...and, to at least some small degree, mild insanity.

"I can't believe you pulled that off," He muttered, as he stood up and tiptoed around the house, coming to stand at his sister's side. "Thought for sure the plumbing and electricity would stop this thing cold."

"You mean, put a wrench in my plans?" His sister giggled, affectionately nudging Lincoln in the ribs. "Nah, that was the first thing I took care of. I have some friends in Water&Power, they'll be back later today to hook everything back up."

"I...see," Lincoln said, noncommittally, as he took a moment to admire the older girl's handiwork. "So...what now?"

"Now we leave!" Luan replied matter-of-factly, holding out her arm to Lincoln. Having no desire to argue with that, Lincoln looped his arm through Luan's, and arm-in-arm, the siblings set off down the mercifully empty streets, the morning air slowly becoming filled with the distressed cries of their awakening family members.

"You know we can't come back for...at least the rest of the day, right?" Lincoln asked, glancing up at the brunette.

"Duh," She replied, chuckling in bemusement. "I thought it'd be fun if we headed down to...the beach."

That sounded innocuous enough, but Lincoln knew his sister better than anyone.

"You're going to do the sea monster routine, aren't you?" He deadpanned.

"I already set aside a bunch of seaweed for the occasion," Cheerfully chirped the comedienne. "You should join in! It's hilarious to watch the tinies running around and screaming!"

"You know that you're just gonna scare everyone away if you do that, right?"

Lincoln started in surprise as Luan stretched out one, impossibly long leg, and abruptly pivoted, placing herself directly into his path. She bent down, lowering her head to his level, and it took every ounce of willpower he had to keep his eyes on Luan, and not the eye-popping cleavage that flashed across his vision.

"That," She drawled, "Is the point, little brother…"

Like a viper, Luan's face darted forward, and the next thing Lincoln knew, her lips were pressed ever so slightly against his own. Instinctively he began to lean into the kiss, but before he could Luan pulled away and drew herself to her full height.

"So," She purred, peering down at him. "How does that sound?"

"T-that..." Lincoln cleared his throat in embarrassment. "That...sounds like a win/win."

Luan snorted in amusement and sidled up alongside Lincoln, pulling him into a tight side-hug.

"I had a feeling it would."