Bellicism Arc: A Moment of Respite

It was like dominos. Yuina wrapped up her mission with Shikaku only to be pulled into another three missions. She normally felt lucky to not be in a traditional team, but now she felt like she was easy to tact on to both preexisting teams and random groupings. She knew she couldn't be regarded as a student forever, but the shift in her life had her longing for the old days again.

Working under Ryoma was the worst mission yet. He was a chunin who was tasked with leading a five-man squad. He was annoying. Normally, she would think treating children as children was a good thing, but it sucked when it manifested as him talking down to her or acting as if she was completely incapable.

She was home now, though. A moment to escape her troubles and spend it with the people who truly mattered. Yuina looked at her framed family photo. Her eyes traced the outline of Kakashi's and Sakumo's faces. Her thumb covering her own face. She had cursed them a few times that they unintentionally misled her understanding of this world, but she had also been lucky that they treated her like a person. Well, she could spend it with one. Kakashi still hadn't returned from the chunin exams. She hoped it wasn't a bad sign.

"Tou-chan, are the chunin exams always this long?"

"The chunin exam always hosts some final tournament style round. It gets stalled with the Kage invites."

It sounded like poor planning to Yuina. How long could they be? If it periodically occurred, then there should be better structures in place. It had been about a month. Even the Olympics would have been over by now. If the Kages were involved, it's for showmanship to show off their best. Otherwise, why not be present through the whole thing? Even nations without finalists would be interested in the others' strengths. Not to mention the structure made little sense. An international event? Yes. A good promotion framework? Questionable.

They ate in silence, and Yuina thought about Sakumo. She used to push Kakashi to make friends even though he was mad at her for that. She stopped vocalizing it, but she wished he could make more connections. Minato didn't count. Okay, he counted, but Minato wasn't enough. She wondered about Sakumo, though. He rarely spoke of others and it was surface level things when he did. The most recent thing was meeting Seikatsu and Rei to learn shogi, but they only ever played shogi together.

Sakumo had been raising two kids alone and took plenty of missions, not exactly the best conditions to be forming lasting friendships. Did things change after marriage? After kids? Was he always like this? She got the smallest peek from that Eiichiro guy at the post, but that was hardly anything.

Yuina knew his habits, his likes, his dislikes, his routines, but she wondered if he was different with other people. Like she was, she supposed. Who did Sakumo have to lean on? What would happen when he retires? Would he ever retire? She was sure there was a depth to his heart he would never know. It saddened her. She wished he had someone he could talk to when he didn't want to burden her.

"Are you ever lonely?

Sakumo gently coughed with food in his mouth. Yuina crawled over to him in a panic, afraid he would start choking. Thankfully, he quickly stabilized himself.

"Sorry," she said.

His hand found its way to the top of her head like so many times before. "It's not your fault. I was just surprised. You don't have to worry about me. Parents care for their children, not the other way around." Yuina disagreed. It may have been the parent's responsibility to raise their kids, but it was only natural that care was mutual unless someone behaved in a manner to warrant disdain or apathy. "Besides, how could I be lonely with you and Kakashi. If anything, I should be asking you that."

Yuina didn't like having the script flipped to her. If he wanted to be that way, she'd throw his words back at him. "I've got you and Kakashi, so why would I be lonely?"

Sakumo was worn down by her words but still had a comeback of his own. "Because you're trying to ensure Kakashi and I have people in our lives, but don't do the same for yourself."

It wasn't the same. They belonged here through and through. She felt like an outsider. In many respects, she did what she considered the minimum requirements expected of her and that still labeled her an oddity, demonstrating just how much she existed in her own world. She considered an age just a number in many respects, but it was every way that age mattered that placed more barriers. Then there were the circumstances. She couldn't and wouldn't talk about experiences, a whole life, that influenced her. She may have been acclimating, but the past wouldn't vanish with time.

Yuina at least had Sakumo and Kakashi to enjoy life. She had Orochimaru to vet her knowledge. She was happy to have received even that. If she had been born to another family, would she have been afforded even that?

Others spoke to her in awe. In anger. In dismissal. Some were frustrated she graduated too early and others expected big things from her because of it. Others looked down on her because she was a genin, the bottom of the hierarchy, while others expected her to follow up the ladder quickly like Kakshi was trying to do.

Who was someone like her going to connect with? Yuina's integration improved a little with a better understanding of society, but those were formalities. Where would she find genuine connection?

Worse, what happened if she actually connected with someone? Fondness led to blindness, and she expended her available time and energy to those already in her life.

Yuina wrapped her arm around Sakumo's and tugged down. She looked up at him and doubled down. "But I have you."

"You have the same expression as your mother." Sakumo sighed and let his guard down even more. Yuina always enjoyed the slight movements in his muscles as his posture and expression fully relaxed.

Yuina trailed her hand down his arm and put her hand in his and linking their fingers. Her other can clasped over the back of his hand so it would be encapsulated by warmth. She leaned her head against him. "Will you tell me more about her sometime? It doesn't have to be today." She was curious, but she asked for Sakumo's sake. It could be hard talking about loved ones who weren't in the picture. They imprint on your life and never really leave you. Asking for herself might give incentive to Sakumo to open up, though.

"Another time then."

"Hm." She wished he would have opened up then, but accepted his words. She always wanted to know, but being by his side was enough. "Should we go to the Seppanki District, then? I heard there's currently a traveling troupe stationed there." Temporary events meant so much more when everything wasn't instantaneous.

Sakumo agreed, and the two left the house. The area was bustling. Kids were playing with spinning tops, hanetsuki, otedama, and ohajiki. She bought anmitsu and yokan to share with Sakumo. She didn't have to worry about the sugar levels with Kakashi away, even though most sweets weren't as sweet as some of the candy on Earth. It had moderate sugar compared to the excessive refined sugars of her last life, minus maybe sugar candies, but that didn't contain additional oils or sweeteners, so they were much less rich in flavour.

The district felt alive. It didn't have the preparation levels of a proper festival, but it hit many of the same notes. There were some fun comedy sketches and street performances. Some were even satirical that she resisted reacting to. Ah, she wished she could drop her guard at times like these.

They then watched some musical performances that she greatly enjoyed. Every time she saw a performance, she missed her days of music. She used to constantly listen to music during her commutes. Needless to say, that wasn't a possibility in the elemental nations. She even missed playing the scales on the piano, which had been tedious to do at the time. So close, yet so far away. Maybe in a few decades they'll have figured out how to broadcast radio. Surely, half the technology was already made. If anything it should be prioritized under the guise that it would be a fantastic mission tool.

The shakuhashi, a flute like instrument, was pleasant. The taiko drums added a layer of dramaticism. A shamisen, similar to a lute, added a layer of melodic tension, whereas the koto's melodies gave a sense of wonderment. All they were missing was a brass instrument.

Yuina stared at the koto. It reminded her so much of a guzheng in appearance and sound. An instrument she had wanted to learn until she realized there was no one in her area that would have been able to teach her. There were online courses, but it wasn't the same as having someone being able to correct things early on next to you. It was upsetting, but she played an instrument in the end which was enriching in its own right.

"You like the koto?" Sakumo noticed how her eyes always sought out one instrument in particular.

Yuina realized she must have been staring a little too hard. Her bobbing her head to the koto's rhythm probably didn't help either. "It's pleasant." They all were, but it brought up an old feeling of longing.

She didn't know why he looked at her that way. It was the same look as before, so Yuina assumed it had something to do with his deceased wife.

Yes, she had a few changes to herself being reborn, but was that really enough to see his wife in her? It was an odd consideration, but one that left her feeling a little less like a stranger. Like there was never a question of whether she belonged in her family. Reborn or not, she was where she was meant to be.