Lots of questions about where Grissom is. He's been on a boat and not sleeping properly for ages. Given a hotel room and knowing Sara is awake, I was pretty sure he'd be out cold asleep for a bit.
Sara and Grissom will talk. But they're also very good at avoiding talking and you'll see a lot of that first. They'll start out, as they always do, with cryptic comments and gestures, and dance around each other.
And keep in mind Grissom is very good at making stupid assumptions and decisions when it comes to Sara and he's scared.
Brass was surprised it was early morning before Grissom returned. Sara had slept after their conversation, and had remained asleep throughout the night. When Grissom entered the room, he found Brass leaning back in his chair with an old case file, and Sara peacefully sleeping.
"Has she had a good night?" Grissom asked quietly.
"Yeah, she was pretty exhausted after having visitors last night. Woke up once, had some soup and juice, and she's been asleep since then. I figured I'd let her sleep until the nurses want her up." Brass told him.
"Good. She looks peaceful." Grissom said, taking a chair next to her.
"What about you? Did you get some sleep?" Brass asked.
"Yes, I slept longer than I'd planned. I guess jet lag has hit me harder than usual." Grissom said with a shrug.
"Yeah, that happens." Brass replied, as he mulled over in his mind what he wanted to say.
"I know that look, Jim. What is it you want to say?" Grissom asked. "It can't be worse than anything I've already thought myself."
"You're probably right about that. But I guess the first thing to say is I'm sorry about what happened, the miscarriage." Brass started quietly, surprising Grissom.
"Do the others know?" Grissom asked, his voice a whisper.
"Not from me. The doctor told me. Doc. Robbins figured it out by the tests they were doing. Unless Sara told them, and I doubt she did, no one else knows."
"Good." Grissom said firmly, stealing a glance at her. "Sara didn't want people to know."
"I've gotta ask, Gil, why didn't you come home?"
"I was wrapping up the project we were doing and I was meant to be home by the time she was 3 months along, and it got pushed back by a few weeks. Then, by the time I found out what had happened, it was too late. Sara had already been discharged, and gone back to work. And I guess, I was waiting for her to ask me to come home. But she didn't, and I was too afraid to face her. I didn't know how to make the pain go away. I worried it was my fault, that something was defective with me. I just... I didn't know what to say or what to do, and I was afraid she wouldn't want to see me. By the time I realised that staying away hurt her more, it seemed like it was just too late." he said brokenly.
"Better late than never." Brass pointed out.
"I know. But hindsight is always clearer. I know I made the wrong choices. But I promise, everything I did was what I hoped was best for Sara even though I know now I was wrong. Things just... they fell apart. For both of us."
"So how long has it been since you last saw her?" Brass asked. "Greg said he thought she took some time off to visit you 3-4 months ago, but that obviously didn't happen."
"9 months." Grissom told him quietly and they sat in silence for several minutes.
"So what made you file for divorce?" Brass finally asked him.
"She wanted to try again. Said she wanted another chance to be a mother. And I... I froze. I couldn't risk it. We had tried for years. I thought maybe... she would be better off finding someone else. Someone younger, healthier, who might have a better chance. I thought by setting her free, she would have a better chance of having a healthy baby with someone else." He said, hanging his head. "I was alone and grieving and stupid."
"Yeah, you were stupid alright." Brass muttered. "But I get that somewhere in your head that made sense. I don't agree with it, and I don't think Sara would either. You weren't in your right mind. But did you think about what she might be thinking?" Brass asked him. "That she had already lost her child, and then to lose her husband? It's a miracle she held on this long."
"She's strong." Grissom said. "Stronger than I could be."
"You know, knowing Sara, and from what little she's said - I think she thinks you blamed her. And that you were so angry at her you couldn't stand to see her again. That you filed for divorce because you wanted nothing to do with her." Brass told him pointedly and saw Grissom pale.
"I didn't think..." Grissom admitted.
"I know you didn't. You forget how fragile she really is sometimes. We all do." Brass told him. "But you need to make sure you don't do that again. Sara is strong, far stronger than any of us. But she shouldn't have to be. And despite the facade she puts up, behind the anger and toughness, she's still in many ways a little girl who blames herself for everything bad that happens. This might be your last chance to fix things. To be there for her. So don't screw it up."
"I'll do my best." Grissom told his friend.
"Good. And we're going to hold you to it." Brass said quietly but firmly. "And the others may not be as nice as I'm being. Especially if they don't know what happened between you." Grissom nodded.
"Do you think Nick knows, if he searched her house after he found her?" Grissom asked.
"He hasn't said anything. Was there something there that would have given it away?" Brass asked, his curiosity piqued.
"There's a small ceramic bee with her ashes. I have one as well. And photos. I think there was a memory box that came home from the hospital, and all the pamphlets on grief, counseling, etc." Grissom told Brass sadly. "But I guess I don't know what she did with them, or where she keeps them."
"I guess I can't be too hard on you... none of us said anything to her when she started to get sick. Hell, I don't think any of us thought it was serious. We just thought she missed you. I don't know how the hell any of us missed something this big, though. And all of us did." Brass mused.
"Sara is good at keeping her secrets to herself. She had to learn at a very young age. We had been together almost 2 years before anyone found out." Grissom reminded Brass. "But I do wish I'd convinced her to tell you when we found out she was pregnant, or at least tell her supervisor."
"DB is a good guy. He would have pulled her from fieldwork immediately. And probably wouldn't have let her work so many cases, or run things when shit hit the fan with McKeen." Brass told him, and Grissom raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Oh, I guess you didn't even hear about that mess. Sara wouldn't have told you... we had a rough case with McKeen's son. Nick got pissed off and quit. Then Ecklie got shot, Finn got drugged and let herself be abducted, DB's granddaughter was kidnapped. All orchestrated by McKeen. Sara and Greg had to do it all themselves until Sara tracked down Nick and hauled his drunk ass out of lockup to help. It was a shit show. Ecklie recovered ok though, Finn and Katie were found safe. And McKeen got transferred to Indiana and got stuck in isolation so he won't be bothering anyone." Brass explained to a speechless Grissom.
"When?" Grissom asked finally. Realisation dawned on Brass.
"Shit. 4 months ago."