Reckoning Arc: Gratitude

He wasn't there.

Yuina leaned against a table as she grabbed the bottle from her pocket. She pulled the cork out and grabbed a pill, chucking it into her mouth to the back of her throat, and swallowed hard.

Yuina looked at the table Orochimaru used most often. The wooden carving wasn't there, so he shouldn't be away on a mission.

She started cleaning up her area, hoping he would show up if she stayed around. She didn't know where else to look for him.

She looked at her stack of notes. She picked up a notebook from the top of the stack and sighed. Laboratory work was no longer her job. She was going to have to scale back at least to her pre-genin levels. Probably more. Progressing on her other skills even a little quicker was worth it. Faster is faster, so unless she wanted to commit chemical warfare she had to accept that.

It hurt. In a time of whirling chaos, the lab had been like an old comforting friend. Its own little pocket dimension away from most of the world. However, living was more important. She needed to be strong enough to not die.

Hadn't she asked Orochimaru to do just that? Make her strong enough to not die. The more she thought about it, the worse it got. She hoped he didn't feel burdened because of her.

Her eyes lingered over the equipment. She made her resolve, but even now it was calling to her. Yuina couldn't do much while recovering, so she considered indulging in experimentation a little longer. Just until she could train again. Make an explosive or something to throw or something. Surely, she could make something that would blow someone up. That would secure her safety.

Smash.

Or not.

The beaker she tried to place in the crate to move more easily slipped through her fingers.

She stared at the hand that betrayed her. She took it as a sign to stop making excuses.

Yuina grabbed a broom, swept up the glass, then properly disposed of it before returning to cleaning up her space. There were a couple of projects that were long overdue finishing, which she wrote notes in point form. She bottled other concoctions. She put ingredients back in cabinets. She wiped down the desk as a final touch.

Yuina began organizing her notes, having run out of other things to do when Orochimaru finally came. "You came. Are you alright?"

"You're the injured one."

There was no way he didn't know what she meant. He began his routine as if everything was normal.

Orochimaru always had a somewhat stoic disposition. Not always, but it was his most common demeanor. Externally, at least. Distant. Quiet. Always an arm's length away. It never bothered her even if it did sometimes make it challenging to read him. There were subtleties of when he had interest and excitement, but those who didn't spend time with him would probably attribute those differences as stoicism too.

Yuina hadn't realized it when she met Jiraiya, but Orochimaru's camaraderie with him made more sense with time. Orochimaru didn't mind being alone. He didn't hate people, but he also didn't seek the company of others. Therefore, it wasn't odd that those he was closest to had either forced their way into his life or were people he regularly had to spend a lot of time with.

It was kind of like family. As long as there wasn't anything major negative stress to impact those relationships, it was only natural for people to grow close, or at least hold some fondness.

That's what she thought at least.

Or perhaps it was wishful thinking on her part.

"I meant what I said back there. I'm still a long way from being strong enough. I need to re-evaluate my learning plan, but that has nothing to do with you." She believed it, but she also valued finding her shortcomings. Change was possible if shortcomings were acknowledged and addressed. It meant it was something within her control. The feeling that more could be done with her life was infinitely better than waiting around for the external factors to improve.

There was still something else important she needed to say.

"Thank you for saving me." A moment later and she would have been killed by the nin. She assumed she would have died if she had been on a mission with anyone else. Orochimaru's knowledge had been proven to her to be spectacular. Orochimaru knew some medical jutsu, but most of his medical knowledge weren't because of a medical background. She hadn't known he knew anything that could heal her. Well, whatever he did was enough to stabilize her as he brought her back to Konoha. It didn't matter that he didn't oversee her medical attention in Konoha, or that there were others she was grateful to as well. He was the only reason she got to come back at all.

"You realize if the plan had been different, you wouldn't have required saving."

People didn't have the power of foresight, but the influence of hindsight was everlasting. Insight was another matter, and the mission briefing gave no reason to believe that there would be foreign-nin involved. "You gave me the tools to survive as long as I did."

"It was your own abilities."

It was a weird conversation. Orochimaru never made any reference to himself, as if he was a complete outsider. "And I have a lot more potential to live up to, so I hope you continue to help me." Yuina aspired to be a cockroach. An invasive pest that stubbornly wouldn't die.

Most genin moved on from their teachers once they assimilated into the corps. She couldn't imagine that most people she graduated with still regularly spent time with their sensei. Not in the same way she did with Orochimaru. It wasn't something that she wanted to end.

Yuina placed a notebook down on the table Orochimaru was at and slid it across with her fingertips. "I want to give this to you. Use it, toss it back in my pile. The choice is yours." There were a few sections he wouldn't be able to read, but that one was mostly written in the common language.

"This is…" Orochimau picked it up and flipped through the pages before stopping on one.

"Consider it a thank you present. Besides, it would be unfortunate to let it sit around."

It didn't seem like he was going to open up about his thoughts on everything. She shouldn't have expected different. Sakumo and Kakashi were just as stubborn on the matter. Still, she hoped to get some kind of thought out of him. She wanted to openly consider Orochimaru a friend.

The hospital staff had mentioned he stayed with her until her family showed up, but hadn't visited her again. She wished she could heal faster, so she could prove she really was alright. She shouldn't have been complaining. It was miraculous to recover as much as she had as it was. "I've been told to get plenty of rest to build back my strength, but I promise you can't get rid of me that easily."

Orochimaru stared at her. She thought he wasn't going to say anything after the few moments of silence. "You've changed."

"It's less about changing and more about…" Yuina shook her head. "There's more I plan on doing with my life."

"Near-death experiences can motivate people, but the sense of urgency will dwindle as you settle back into your routine," he said. "You'll fail if you use that as your motivation."

Yuina was happy at the concern. "Thanks for worrying, but I'll be fine. You said it yourself. I'm backwards."

It was complicated. Yuina had always had a sense of impending doom and imminent death. Her actions weren't a stress response. It was the opposite. She was letting go of some of that stress. It was difficult to remove completely, but she was content taking steps with a clearer head. Less compulsions to hide away. Less of a need to operate in a certain manner. Fewer conspiracies that everyone was out to get her.

"So you haven't experienced any complications?"

It depended what Orochimaru meant by complications. The medics spent weeks isolating and curing infections and restoring tissue as much as they could. Chakra or not, they were miracle workers. They treated her the best that they could between their known jutsu and more normal medical practices. Yuina had also never been happier to get drugged up to deal with the pain.

Yuina went over her medical history, deeming it as important for him to know for the day she could train with him once more.